Psychic terror

[friend_of_tofu]

I somehow managed to miss Tiger Beatdown's "Call Your Mother" Mothers Day edition, which was foolish of me. It was a v nice conversation between Sady and her mother Karen, about how her mother affected her feminism. However! I was quite scared to note an eerie similarity!

SADY: He didn’t understand A LOT OF THINGS. But let us go back to the you-

Comments

[violent_blue]

Nah, never had that, tho I was once warned that I would become one of those dreadful (babyneglecting) career women. :-)

[friend_of_tofu]

Ok, that is an amusing mirror version!

Did you believe your mum? Did you think that would be the case? Or did it make you react against her by determining that you would definitely have kids? Or did you just not care?

(Hope you don't mind me asking...)

[violent_blue]

I think it made me decide that everything i could do would be wrong.

I "knew" I wasn't the sort of person who could attact a husband to look after me.

[friend_of_tofu]

Wow, that's really depressing :-( I'm sorry your mum made you feel like that. Did you ever get the chance to talk to her about any of these things?

[pellegrina]

Mine never said anything like that. But when she was very cross with me for being argumentative (or maybe whiny or lazy, I can't even remember) she would tell me I was behaving like my father, or even call me by his name. Funnily enough the thought of reproducing also filled me with horror.

I talked to her about it a while ago, and she said she just didn't want me to grow up like him. Which was fair enough, since he's a git, but not exactly the best way she could have gone about it.

[friend_of_tofu]

Yeaaaah, I can think of better ways to work that!

OTOH, you dad's subsequent behaviour seems to indicate your mum at least had a point of sorts. But I do think we can *choose* the level of gittery we want to indulge in, within reason, and, well, I've always thought you went out of your way not to be a git. Negative reinforcement?

[pellegrina]

It was very clear to me that being like him was a Bad Thing. Of course, in some ways inevitably I am like him, so using him as a paragon of Badness was a fast ticket to shame and self-loathing. So yes, I do go out of my way not to be a git, but I'm also always running from the fear that I will become like him if I don't guard against it, or even if I do.

[friend_of_tofu]

I suspect that people who worry about being bad people are not the ones who need to concern themselves the most. I doubt your dad spends long worrying about how not to be a jerk, or, if he does, he needs to do it a lot more.

To paraphrase Charlie Brooker, it's a great tragedy of human existence that the people brimming over with self-confidence are always the wrong people...

[cartimandua]

Me: *ignores all dollies gifted by elderly relatives*
Mum: *to my Dad* "The (plush)rabbit's in the pram again. She just doesn't like baby and mother toys."
Dad: "They'd never listen."
Mum: *to me* "You don't want to have kids, do you?"
Me: "NEVER!"
Mum: "Thank God."

The common opinion is that I have the maternal instincts of a brick.

[friend_of_tofu]

*snerk*

At least your mum wasn't imposing her ideas onto you.

[themikado]

Well you're a feminist, and you're a blogger. Just saying. ^^

[friend_of_tofu]

True, but I think it's stretching it a bit to call myself a 'blogger'. I have an LJ and I waffle on it sometimes, but I'm hardly Sady Doyle. I'm not quite sure how one categorises the differences, but they seem obvious. Kind of.

[themikado]

You have a blog, which you use to say Interesting Things. At least I think they're interesting. So there. :)

[friend_of_tofu]

Thank you :-)

[kitrona]

Both my parents did that to me, but not to my sister that I recall. Then again, she was far more easy-going and I never backed down, so.

[friend_of_tofu]

Hm. My brother and I did get treated very differently, as he was much more placid and biddable than I was. But he's not exactly going to have children any time soon.