[FIC] Reaching for Happiness, Jared/Jensen (2/?)
Author: freedomthisway
Character: Jared, Jensen, JDM, Mike Rosenbaum, Tom Welling.
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama, H/C
Warning: Rape/Non-con, underage, Jensen/OMC
Rating: PG-13 for now. Hard R eventually.
Chapter: 2/?
Summary:
Jensen is Jared's younger stepbrother. When Jensen was 7, his mother remarried to Thomas Padalecki, the head of the rich and famous Padalecki family.
Their closeness as child changed after they grew older and Jared found out his feelings toward Jensen. Not wanting to ruin the family, Jared chose to keep his love for Jensen inside and avoid him like crazy instead.
While Jensen was struggling to bear his own misery, he too realized his feelings for Jared, but didn't act on it because he assumed Jared hated him.
After 3 years of escaping from the family, hearing Thomas' death, Jensen decided to come back. Only to face Jared's hatred towards him.
All Jensen wants is a happiness and love with Jared by his side. Can he reach it eventually?
Author notes:
I'm not good at making summary, so please just read. :D
The first four chapters are beta-ed by the awesome persephone_c, but then she got busy so the rest of the chapters are left just the way I wrote it.
I welcome any offer of beta-ing. :D It turned out persephone_c is still kindly willing to make time to be my beta. YAY!!
Rating will go up as the story goes, but only up to R...XD
I hope you enjoy it! Comments are loved! XD
Chapter 2
“I don’t understand.” Mike watches Jensen shoving the few pieces of clothing he owned into his worn out duffel bag with a frown. “Could you enlighten me again about why you feel that it is so fucking necessary to visit that son of a bitch’s house once again?”
Jensen winces at the sarcastic tone in Mike’s words. Grabbing his wallet from the table, Jensen took a deep breath. Yeah, Jensen. What makes you want to go back there? Have you lost your mind? But, Jensen is not insane. In fact, if he doesn’t go back to the house soon, he is pretty sure he’ll go insane. This need inside him has always been so strong, consuming him for these past two years. But Thomas always was a barrier. Now that he’s gone, the need has come back in full force. It makes him unable to think of anything else. I must see him. I need to.
“I need to see him, Mike.” Jensen echoes his thoughts out loud. “I need to see my stepbrother. You and Tom know how I feel about this, don’t you? I couldn’t go back then because I knew Thomas would be there. But now he is gone, there is nothing that can hold me back.”
Mike throws an exasperated look towards Tom who is standing across the room. Tom’s eyes plead him to be understanding and just let Jensen go. Indeed, both of them know very well that Jensen’s not-so-brotherly love for his stepbrother is more than anything. But still, letting Jensen go back to the place where that guy’s entire nightmare began was another matter, and Mike knows better than that.
“Look, we totally understand, Jen. But there are loads of reasons why I…, I mean why we are objected to this idea of yours. You’ve already been separated from him for three whole years, Jen. He may no longer be the person he used to be.” Mike walked towards Jensen, itching to shake him hard enough to make him see the stupidity of his actions. But then Mike sees how tense Jensen is, so he decides to sit on the edge of the bed instead.
“You’re the one who told me that stepbrother of yours did nothing but ignore you ever since you guys knew how to jack off. He had never been there for you when you needed him. I mean, if he really cared for you, why didn’t he stop that fucker?”
Jensen clutches his hand, slightly trembled from the rush of memories suddenly pop in his head at Mike’s words. “He didn’t know, Mike. He was rarely home at that time. It wasn’t his fault.”
“That’s the thing, Jen!” Mike ignores the warning tone heard in Jensen’s previous words. “The fact that he was never home showed how fucking care he was to you back then. What makes you think that that’ll change after the old man’s gone? What makes you think he’ll not become like his bastard of a father?”
Suddenly Mike finds himself hoisted up by his collar clutched by trembling fingers and Jensen’s face hovers above his. His eyes hard on Mike’s, tell him without words that he did not appreciate him saying anything of that nature about his stepbrother. From the corner of his eyes, Mike sees Tom step towards them, panic in his big eyes. Mike lifts a hand towards Tom, stopping him. Silently pleads him to let him manage the situation.
Mike doesn’t enjoy hurting Jensen. But if shoving the bitter truth in his face meant saving Jensen from another painful episode of his life, Mike will do it without hesitation. God knows, Jensen has been through enough. So even though his words make Jensen angry, he feels that he has to finish what he wants to say. Mike reaches up and cups his hands in both sides of Jensen’s face, eyes fixed on Jensen’s, shining with care and concern, and say softly, “Dude, chill. Just trying to make you see the light here.”
Mike feels a relief flood his chest soon after Jensen lets his collar go. But Jensen still stands in front of him, daring Mike to say another word. A dare Mike is more than willing to take.
“I know you miss him, Jensen. Hell, I can see that everyday in your empty gaze. But you see… I’m worried sick about you going back to that house because I really have no idea what those Padalecki guys will do to you when you’re around.”
Jensen’s gaze suddenly softens, and then is replaced with a determination that shows up on his face. He turns around and returns to packing his duffel bag. And for long minutes, silence stretches between them. Then Jensen’s voice fills the room.
“Look. I know you guys mean well. Take care of me and all that shit.” There’s harshness in his words but his tone is gentle. “It’s just that… It’s killing me, man.” Jensen stops his packing and looks at Mike and Tom.
“All my life, I’ve lost almost everything dear to me. I’ve lost my real father, my youth, my… innocence… and I’ve lost my mom.” His voice becomes hoarse at the words. “And there is nothing I can do to stop it. All this time I was just… go with the flow and accept every shit given by life to me.
“But he…, only him I can’t lose, guys. It’s just I can’t. I won’t. I know he only thinks of me as his stepbrother. Hell, even maybe less than that considering how he avoided me like I was the plague by the time we turned into teenagers. And the way he rejected me every time I tried to be near ever since...” Jensen’s eyes scrunches tight at the memories, trying to will away the pain that follows.
“But I also know that he already has my heart. There’s no one else. Not even when I’ve tried, and you damn know that I’ve tried hard.
But it has to be him. Or else, I’ll always feel empty inside. I’ll feel lost. So I’ll be damned if I don’t fight for him with everything I’ve got! He’s what I live for, guys. There must be a good reason why he treated me like that in the past. I might have gotten on his nerves or something. I have to find out. Don’t get me wrong. You are like, my true family, you know. I mean, you guys rock.”
All of them smile at that.
Jensen fidgets for a while before he continues, “But… when I look at you, you both are so in love that sometimes I think I am so pitiful for being unable to be close to someone I love with all my heart. I’m tired of feeling that way. I know I’m asking a lot, but I must try. And you can’t stop me from trying to look for the same happiness that you both have already found. Can you?” Jensen flashes his best persuasive grin, in the same time try not to look as pathetic as he felt right now.
Mike and Tom exchange a look again, they both know they can’t stop Jensen this time.
“Aw, the hell with it. If you’re really that eager to find your prince then there’s nothing we can do. Come on, we’ll help you pack up.” Mike says with a half grin, an offer that is most welcomed with relief by Jensen and Tom.
Half an hour later they have already finish packing up. “Just remember, I’ve packed you a bunch of condoms and first class lube. You know, just in case you and your stepbrother have finally overcome all the shit and decide to… get it on.” Mike said in a perfectly fatherly tone, contradicted by his playful wink. Jensen blushes hard, his face turning red all the way to his ears. Tom laughs and tells Mike to stop being a perverted jerk. Mike grins all the way, defending himself by saying what is wrong with socializing a safe sex.
They play around some more and share more laughter, before finally Jensen lifts the duffel bag to his shoulder and grins. “Well, this is it, guys. Wish me luck.” A single tear threatens to escape from his eyes and Jensen blinks his eyes several times to avoid crying.
Tom moves forward and hugs Jensen tightly. “If… well, I mean if everything isn’t working well there, just keep in mind that you’ll always have a place here, Jen. We’re all going to miss you.” Tom says in a trembling voice. For a long time, there’s nothing said. And then Tom lets go, tears in his eyes.
Mike hugs Jensen quickly, patting him on his back. “Yeah…” He says hoarsely, simply agreeing to whatever Tom has just said, and steps back.
Jensen looks at both of them, wondering for the hundredth time if he is making the right decision. It’s just… leaving this. Leaving them, his job at the bar, everyone, leaving his life to pursue another, a life with Jared Padalecki in it, Jensen wonders if it’ll all be worth it. But the answer is always; hell yes it’ll worth it. So Jensen braces himself and smiles.
“Hey, Jenny…? You know who is going to miss you the most?” Mike says with a snicker. Jensen and Tom looks at him, curious. Mike can’t hold his laughter.
“Our number one bar’s customer, of course. Jack Bailey will turn into a puddle of goo when he finds out you are gone. I mean, there won’t be anymore nice butt for him to smack. Poor guy.” Jensen and Tom join his laughter hysterically, realizing that it is, somewhat, a truth.
“Well,” Jensen wipes tears of laughter from his eyes. “Then maybe Tom here needs to watch his back.” And Jensen laughs again when Tom’s face reddened at his words.
“I’ll watch it for him.” Mike growls, sweeping Tom into his hug possessively. His face stern at the possibility of a drunken old Jack takes advantage of his Tom’s body.
And when Jensen sees it, he looks longingly at the sweet sight in front of him, all the doubt drained from his thought. You must find your own happiness, Jensen. And your happiness lives in that house. That’s where you have to be.
“I’ll call you as soon as I get the chance.” Jensen says and walks towards the door. He looks back for the last time, savoring the sight of Tom and Mike standing together, his room, his life. He keeps the memory inside his head, takes a deep breath, and then he closes the door.
TBC
Character: Jared, Jensen, JDM, Mike Rosenbaum, Tom Welling.
Category: Angst, Romance, Drama, H/C
Warning: Rape/Non-con, underage, Jensen/OMC
Rating: PG-13 for now. Hard R eventually.
Chapter: 2/?
Summary:
Jensen is Jared's younger stepbrother. When Jensen was 7, his mother remarried to Thomas Padalecki, the head of the rich and famous Padalecki family.
Their closeness as child changed after they grew older and Jared found out his feelings toward Jensen. Not wanting to ruin the family, Jared chose to keep his love for Jensen inside and avoid him like crazy instead.
While Jensen was struggling to bear his own misery, he too realized his feelings for Jared, but didn't act on it because he assumed Jared hated him.
After 3 years of escaping from the family, hearing Thomas' death, Jensen decided to come back. Only to face Jared's hatred towards him.
All Jensen wants is a happiness and love with Jared by his side. Can he reach it eventually?
Author notes:
I'm not good at making summary, so please just read. :D
The first four chapters are beta-ed by the awesome persephone_c, but then she got busy so the rest of the chapters are left just the way I wrote it.
I welcome any offer of beta-ing. :D It turned out persephone_c is still kindly willing to make time to be my beta. YAY!!
Rating will go up as the story goes, but only up to R...XD
I hope you enjoy it! Comments are loved! XD
Chapter 2
“I don’t understand.” Mike watches Jensen shoving the few pieces of clothing he owned into his worn out duffel bag with a frown. “Could you enlighten me again about why you feel that it is so fucking necessary to visit that son of a bitch’s house once again?”
Jensen winces at the sarcastic tone in Mike’s words. Grabbing his wallet from the table, Jensen took a deep breath. Yeah, Jensen. What makes you want to go back there? Have you lost your mind? But, Jensen is not insane. In fact, if he doesn’t go back to the house soon, he is pretty sure he’ll go insane. This need inside him has always been so strong, consuming him for these past two years. But Thomas always was a barrier. Now that he’s gone, the need has come back in full force. It makes him unable to think of anything else. I must see him. I need to.
“I need to see him, Mike.” Jensen echoes his thoughts out loud. “I need to see my stepbrother. You and Tom know how I feel about this, don’t you? I couldn’t go back then because I knew Thomas would be there. But now he is gone, there is nothing that can hold me back.”
Mike throws an exasperated look towards Tom who is standing across the room. Tom’s eyes plead him to be understanding and just let Jensen go. Indeed, both of them know very well that Jensen’s not-so-brotherly love for his stepbrother is more than anything. But still, letting Jensen go back to the place where that guy’s entire nightmare began was another matter, and Mike knows better than that.
“Look, we totally understand, Jen. But there are loads of reasons why I…, I mean why we are objected to this idea of yours. You’ve already been separated from him for three whole years, Jen. He may no longer be the person he used to be.” Mike walked towards Jensen, itching to shake him hard enough to make him see the stupidity of his actions. But then Mike sees how tense Jensen is, so he decides to sit on the edge of the bed instead.
“You’re the one who told me that stepbrother of yours did nothing but ignore you ever since you guys knew how to jack off. He had never been there for you when you needed him. I mean, if he really cared for you, why didn’t he stop that fucker?”
Jensen clutches his hand, slightly trembled from the rush of memories suddenly pop in his head at Mike’s words. “He didn’t know, Mike. He was rarely home at that time. It wasn’t his fault.”
“That’s the thing, Jen!” Mike ignores the warning tone heard in Jensen’s previous words. “The fact that he was never home showed how fucking care he was to you back then. What makes you think that that’ll change after the old man’s gone? What makes you think he’ll not become like his bastard of a father?”
Suddenly Mike finds himself hoisted up by his collar clutched by trembling fingers and Jensen’s face hovers above his. His eyes hard on Mike’s, tell him without words that he did not appreciate him saying anything of that nature about his stepbrother. From the corner of his eyes, Mike sees Tom step towards them, panic in his big eyes. Mike lifts a hand towards Tom, stopping him. Silently pleads him to let him manage the situation.
Mike doesn’t enjoy hurting Jensen. But if shoving the bitter truth in his face meant saving Jensen from another painful episode of his life, Mike will do it without hesitation. God knows, Jensen has been through enough. So even though his words make Jensen angry, he feels that he has to finish what he wants to say. Mike reaches up and cups his hands in both sides of Jensen’s face, eyes fixed on Jensen’s, shining with care and concern, and say softly, “Dude, chill. Just trying to make you see the light here.”
Mike feels a relief flood his chest soon after Jensen lets his collar go. But Jensen still stands in front of him, daring Mike to say another word. A dare Mike is more than willing to take.
“I know you miss him, Jensen. Hell, I can see that everyday in your empty gaze. But you see… I’m worried sick about you going back to that house because I really have no idea what those Padalecki guys will do to you when you’re around.”
Jensen’s gaze suddenly softens, and then is replaced with a determination that shows up on his face. He turns around and returns to packing his duffel bag. And for long minutes, silence stretches between them. Then Jensen’s voice fills the room.
“Look. I know you guys mean well. Take care of me and all that shit.” There’s harshness in his words but his tone is gentle. “It’s just that… It’s killing me, man.” Jensen stops his packing and looks at Mike and Tom.
“All my life, I’ve lost almost everything dear to me. I’ve lost my real father, my youth, my… innocence… and I’ve lost my mom.” His voice becomes hoarse at the words. “And there is nothing I can do to stop it. All this time I was just… go with the flow and accept every shit given by life to me.
“But he…, only him I can’t lose, guys. It’s just I can’t. I won’t. I know he only thinks of me as his stepbrother. Hell, even maybe less than that considering how he avoided me like I was the plague by the time we turned into teenagers. And the way he rejected me every time I tried to be near ever since...” Jensen’s eyes scrunches tight at the memories, trying to will away the pain that follows.
“But I also know that he already has my heart. There’s no one else. Not even when I’ve tried, and you damn know that I’ve tried hard.
But it has to be him. Or else, I’ll always feel empty inside. I’ll feel lost. So I’ll be damned if I don’t fight for him with everything I’ve got! He’s what I live for, guys. There must be a good reason why he treated me like that in the past. I might have gotten on his nerves or something. I have to find out. Don’t get me wrong. You are like, my true family, you know. I mean, you guys rock.”
All of them smile at that.
Jensen fidgets for a while before he continues, “But… when I look at you, you both are so in love that sometimes I think I am so pitiful for being unable to be close to someone I love with all my heart. I’m tired of feeling that way. I know I’m asking a lot, but I must try. And you can’t stop me from trying to look for the same happiness that you both have already found. Can you?” Jensen flashes his best persuasive grin, in the same time try not to look as pathetic as he felt right now.
Mike and Tom exchange a look again, they both know they can’t stop Jensen this time.
“Aw, the hell with it. If you’re really that eager to find your prince then there’s nothing we can do. Come on, we’ll help you pack up.” Mike says with a half grin, an offer that is most welcomed with relief by Jensen and Tom.
Half an hour later they have already finish packing up. “Just remember, I’ve packed you a bunch of condoms and first class lube. You know, just in case you and your stepbrother have finally overcome all the shit and decide to… get it on.” Mike said in a perfectly fatherly tone, contradicted by his playful wink. Jensen blushes hard, his face turning red all the way to his ears. Tom laughs and tells Mike to stop being a perverted jerk. Mike grins all the way, defending himself by saying what is wrong with socializing a safe sex.
They play around some more and share more laughter, before finally Jensen lifts the duffel bag to his shoulder and grins. “Well, this is it, guys. Wish me luck.” A single tear threatens to escape from his eyes and Jensen blinks his eyes several times to avoid crying.
Tom moves forward and hugs Jensen tightly. “If… well, I mean if everything isn’t working well there, just keep in mind that you’ll always have a place here, Jen. We’re all going to miss you.” Tom says in a trembling voice. For a long time, there’s nothing said. And then Tom lets go, tears in his eyes.
Mike hugs Jensen quickly, patting him on his back. “Yeah…” He says hoarsely, simply agreeing to whatever Tom has just said, and steps back.
Jensen looks at both of them, wondering for the hundredth time if he is making the right decision. It’s just… leaving this. Leaving them, his job at the bar, everyone, leaving his life to pursue another, a life with Jared Padalecki in it, Jensen wonders if it’ll all be worth it. But the answer is always; hell yes it’ll worth it. So Jensen braces himself and smiles.
“Hey, Jenny…? You know who is going to miss you the most?” Mike says with a snicker. Jensen and Tom looks at him, curious. Mike can’t hold his laughter.
“Our number one bar’s customer, of course. Jack Bailey will turn into a puddle of goo when he finds out you are gone. I mean, there won’t be anymore nice butt for him to smack. Poor guy.” Jensen and Tom join his laughter hysterically, realizing that it is, somewhat, a truth.
“Well,” Jensen wipes tears of laughter from his eyes. “Then maybe Tom here needs to watch his back.” And Jensen laughs again when Tom’s face reddened at his words.
“I’ll watch it for him.” Mike growls, sweeping Tom into his hug possessively. His face stern at the possibility of a drunken old Jack takes advantage of his Tom’s body.
And when Jensen sees it, he looks longingly at the sweet sight in front of him, all the doubt drained from his thought. You must find your own happiness, Jensen. And your happiness lives in that house. That’s where you have to be.
“I’ll call you as soon as I get the chance.” Jensen says and walks towards the door. He looks back for the last time, savoring the sight of Tom and Mike standing together, his room, his life. He keeps the memory inside his head, takes a deep breath, and then he closes the door.
TBC