Fanfic: Why Won't You? [14/?]
Title: Why Won't You?
Author: freakingdork
Pairing: Morgan/Reid, some side Prentiss/Rossi
Rating: FRM
Word Count: 1258
Series Summary: “There's no shame in not knowing; the shame lies in not finding out.” Reid swore Morgan had feelings for him, but a simple statement had him doubting.
Chapter Summary: (tag to 6x8-6x18) Being apart is painful, but Reid's sure it's better than being together.
*****
They were both miserable, anyone with eyes could tell, and for that reason alone, Derek really didn't understand why they were apart. He was snapping at small things that normally wouldn't have bothered him, especially when Reid went on a tangent, and Derek could see himself making mistakes, doing things he knew were unprofessional or otherwise against protocol. His confrontation of James Anderson at his political fundraiser sprung to mind.
His platonic flirting with Seaver seemed to trigger something akin to jealousy in Reid, given the way Reid had interrupted him and later, Reid started flirting with her as well. Morgan knew neither of them was interested in actually pursuing her and Seaver didn't seem particularly interested either, so jealousy wasn't the issue, at least on his end. The issue was the ache it made him feel. As Reid had requested, Morgan tried to keep a distance, but it was difficult being so close and yet so far from what he couldn't have nearly every day.
Worse than that, there was something wrong with Reid. For awhile, he couldn't quite put his finger on it, except that he was positive that it wasn't entirely related to their “break.” Reid constantly looked ill and was making mistakes he hadn't made in years, like going after an unsub on his own without his ballistic vest. Thankfully, he was far more physically capable than he had been in Georgia - those crutches had improved his upper body strength - and was just as mentally sharp despite whatever was happening to him. Still, once Julio pointed out that he was flinching at lights, said he had ghosts in his head, Derek could see similarities between his mother when she was in the midst of a migraine and Reid. This left him confused; why would Reid be denying something so simple and so common? Was he afraid Hotch would take him out of the field? Was there something more that he wasn't telling the team?
For a moment, Derek let himself wonder if Reid had a brain tumor, if he was dying. That would certainly make his damn near suicidal actions make sense and it would definitely explain why Reid had pushed him away, but he didn't let himself think about it for long. The idea that Reid was sick, even if it was just migraines, and he wasn't around to help was painful enough.
***
As much as it killed him, Spencer just wanted Morgan to move on. He tried to make it look like he was moving on, flirting with Seaver and others in the department, but Spencer could tell that Morgan wasn't buying his bluff.
The headaches just kept getting worse and nothing seemed to help. Spencer saw multiple specialists; they all told him no tumors, no abnormalities, and really, everything looked just fine. It embarrassed him to think about the rude ways he had treated some of them after they told him, especially the first one - after all, it was supposed to be a relief that his MRIs came back normal, right?
The things Spencer saw were auras, he tried to tell himself, definitely not hallucinations, so clearly he was just experiencing migraines. Even if the headaches were psychosomatic, it didn't mean he was developing his mother's illness; psychosomatic complaints, especially headaches, were common for people with schizophrenia, but they were far from being a part of the diagnostic criteria. Trying to talk himself down from the worst case scenarios didn't really work though because the fear had always been in the back of his mind, waiting for any shred of evidence that could possibly used against his claim of sanity.
Spencer does tell Prentiss, but really, it's a bargaining chip, an attempt to get her to talk about what's on her mind. She doesn't return the favor though and while he's not terribly surprised, it does hurt.
Days later, when he'd found out why Prentiss didn't say anything, it felt even worse.
***
Dead.
That's what JJ said. Prentiss was dead and Morgan had felt her let go, felt her slip out of reach. Her last words were the ones she spoke to him. Some part of him probably felt guilty that it hadn't been Rossi - god, Rossi - but for the time being, the concept of feelings was foreign and lost on him. He'd been numb for hours now and even the tears that fell didn't feel like his.
If only he had been there minutes earlier, this wouldn't be happening.
***
Spencer wasn't sure how he'd ended up at Morgan's house, pressing Morgan against a wall and frotting against him like the world might end, but then again, he didn't understand how Prentiss could be dead and hell, maybe the world was ending. This was what he needed - to feel alive, to know the person he loved most was alive - and he didn't think anything could stop him.
"Spencer, oh god," Morgan moaned into his ear. The fact that it was the first time he'd called him that in months wasn't lost on Spencer.
Morgan cupped his face, held Spencer still while he kissed him. It was tender and deep and it hurt to feel the obvious love the other man had for him. What Spencer was doing wasn't right, this was fucking cruel if he thought about it, but instead of dwelling on the thought, he grabbed Morgan's ass, pulling their groins closer. Even though Spencer had been attempting to stay silent, he couldn't hold back his moan when he felt Morgan's erection press against his own. Morgan let go of his face to grab his ass too, giving him leverage to grind harder against Spencer.
The rhythm was familiar, practiced, and Spencer felt himself getting lost in it, which was good. He can't stop, he didn't want to stop in the first place; he wanted to stay like this forever, but he knew he couldn't have that, not if he was sick. Sensation threatened to overwhelm him and he was starting to think he might come in his pants before they'd even gotten very far along.
"I missed you so much," Morgan whispered, his hands creeping up the back of Spencer's shirt. "I love you."
Something inside him broke at that simple sentence because, god, Spencer can't do this to Morgan, he can't break his heart any more than pulling away at that moment will.
"Fuck, no, stop Morgan, I..." Spencer faltered, trying to come up with the right words as he removed his hands and stepped back. "I can't, this is wrong."
For a brief moment, anger flashed across Morgan's features and Spencer worried that all his hard work to protect Morgan would be for nothing. In that moment, with the world crashing down around them, the temptation of falling back into their relationship would be too strong for him to flat out reject, even if it would be better for both of them to stay separated. Just as quickly as it appeared, the anger was gone, replaced by an emptiness that made Spencer shudder.
“It's...you should lay down,” Spencer said.
Morgan numbly nodded, allowed Spencer to lead him into the bedroom, and didn't squirm as Spencer stripped him down to his boxers. The look in his eyes as Spencer led him towards the bed was what had him promising to stay until Morgan fell asleep.
He kept his promise; yes, he stayed longer than particularly necessary, but when the sun started rising, Spencer got out of bed and went home.
*****
A/N: Yet again, I'm unsure when the next chapter will be out, though I have ideas. I generally respond to comments, but I just want to thank everyone again for leaving me comments; they really mean a lot to me and I love hearing what people think, good or bad, about what I've written.
Author: freakingdork
Pairing: Morgan/Reid, some side Prentiss/Rossi
Rating: FRM
Word Count: 1258
Series Summary: “There's no shame in not knowing; the shame lies in not finding out.” Reid swore Morgan had feelings for him, but a simple statement had him doubting.
Chapter Summary: (tag to 6x8-6x18) Being apart is painful, but Reid's sure it's better than being together.
*****
They were both miserable, anyone with eyes could tell, and for that reason alone, Derek really didn't understand why they were apart. He was snapping at small things that normally wouldn't have bothered him, especially when Reid went on a tangent, and Derek could see himself making mistakes, doing things he knew were unprofessional or otherwise against protocol. His confrontation of James Anderson at his political fundraiser sprung to mind.
His platonic flirting with Seaver seemed to trigger something akin to jealousy in Reid, given the way Reid had interrupted him and later, Reid started flirting with her as well. Morgan knew neither of them was interested in actually pursuing her and Seaver didn't seem particularly interested either, so jealousy wasn't the issue, at least on his end. The issue was the ache it made him feel. As Reid had requested, Morgan tried to keep a distance, but it was difficult being so close and yet so far from what he couldn't have nearly every day.
Worse than that, there was something wrong with Reid. For awhile, he couldn't quite put his finger on it, except that he was positive that it wasn't entirely related to their “break.” Reid constantly looked ill and was making mistakes he hadn't made in years, like going after an unsub on his own without his ballistic vest. Thankfully, he was far more physically capable than he had been in Georgia - those crutches had improved his upper body strength - and was just as mentally sharp despite whatever was happening to him. Still, once Julio pointed out that he was flinching at lights, said he had ghosts in his head, Derek could see similarities between his mother when she was in the midst of a migraine and Reid. This left him confused; why would Reid be denying something so simple and so common? Was he afraid Hotch would take him out of the field? Was there something more that he wasn't telling the team?
For a moment, Derek let himself wonder if Reid had a brain tumor, if he was dying. That would certainly make his damn near suicidal actions make sense and it would definitely explain why Reid had pushed him away, but he didn't let himself think about it for long. The idea that Reid was sick, even if it was just migraines, and he wasn't around to help was painful enough.
***
As much as it killed him, Spencer just wanted Morgan to move on. He tried to make it look like he was moving on, flirting with Seaver and others in the department, but Spencer could tell that Morgan wasn't buying his bluff.
The headaches just kept getting worse and nothing seemed to help. Spencer saw multiple specialists; they all told him no tumors, no abnormalities, and really, everything looked just fine. It embarrassed him to think about the rude ways he had treated some of them after they told him, especially the first one - after all, it was supposed to be a relief that his MRIs came back normal, right?
The things Spencer saw were auras, he tried to tell himself, definitely not hallucinations, so clearly he was just experiencing migraines. Even if the headaches were psychosomatic, it didn't mean he was developing his mother's illness; psychosomatic complaints, especially headaches, were common for people with schizophrenia, but they were far from being a part of the diagnostic criteria. Trying to talk himself down from the worst case scenarios didn't really work though because the fear had always been in the back of his mind, waiting for any shred of evidence that could possibly used against his claim of sanity.
Spencer does tell Prentiss, but really, it's a bargaining chip, an attempt to get her to talk about what's on her mind. She doesn't return the favor though and while he's not terribly surprised, it does hurt.
Days later, when he'd found out why Prentiss didn't say anything, it felt even worse.
***
Dead.
That's what JJ said. Prentiss was dead and Morgan had felt her let go, felt her slip out of reach. Her last words were the ones she spoke to him. Some part of him probably felt guilty that it hadn't been Rossi - god, Rossi - but for the time being, the concept of feelings was foreign and lost on him. He'd been numb for hours now and even the tears that fell didn't feel like his.
If only he had been there minutes earlier, this wouldn't be happening.
***
Spencer wasn't sure how he'd ended up at Morgan's house, pressing Morgan against a wall and frotting against him like the world might end, but then again, he didn't understand how Prentiss could be dead and hell, maybe the world was ending. This was what he needed - to feel alive, to know the person he loved most was alive - and he didn't think anything could stop him.
"Spencer, oh god," Morgan moaned into his ear. The fact that it was the first time he'd called him that in months wasn't lost on Spencer.
Morgan cupped his face, held Spencer still while he kissed him. It was tender and deep and it hurt to feel the obvious love the other man had for him. What Spencer was doing wasn't right, this was fucking cruel if he thought about it, but instead of dwelling on the thought, he grabbed Morgan's ass, pulling their groins closer. Even though Spencer had been attempting to stay silent, he couldn't hold back his moan when he felt Morgan's erection press against his own. Morgan let go of his face to grab his ass too, giving him leverage to grind harder against Spencer.
The rhythm was familiar, practiced, and Spencer felt himself getting lost in it, which was good. He can't stop, he didn't want to stop in the first place; he wanted to stay like this forever, but he knew he couldn't have that, not if he was sick. Sensation threatened to overwhelm him and he was starting to think he might come in his pants before they'd even gotten very far along.
"I missed you so much," Morgan whispered, his hands creeping up the back of Spencer's shirt. "I love you."
Something inside him broke at that simple sentence because, god, Spencer can't do this to Morgan, he can't break his heart any more than pulling away at that moment will.
"Fuck, no, stop Morgan, I..." Spencer faltered, trying to come up with the right words as he removed his hands and stepped back. "I can't, this is wrong."
For a brief moment, anger flashed across Morgan's features and Spencer worried that all his hard work to protect Morgan would be for nothing. In that moment, with the world crashing down around them, the temptation of falling back into their relationship would be too strong for him to flat out reject, even if it would be better for both of them to stay separated. Just as quickly as it appeared, the anger was gone, replaced by an emptiness that made Spencer shudder.
“It's...you should lay down,” Spencer said.
Morgan numbly nodded, allowed Spencer to lead him into the bedroom, and didn't squirm as Spencer stripped him down to his boxers. The look in his eyes as Spencer led him towards the bed was what had him promising to stay until Morgan fell asleep.
He kept his promise; yes, he stayed longer than particularly necessary, but when the sun started rising, Spencer got out of bed and went home.
*****
A/N: Yet again, I'm unsure when the next chapter will be out, though I have ideas. I generally respond to comments, but I just want to thank everyone again for leaving me comments; they really mean a lot to me and I love hearing what people think, good or bad, about what I've written.