Thoughts on Zod and Lex
[private post]
I've been busy. I've been avoiding this place. Lex hasn't returned my calls. At first I left a message about meeting to talk about what classes to take. I waited a few days. He didn't get back to me. Then I called to say I was just calling to say hey, but he didn't get back to me again. My speculations as to why he hasn't returned my calls are driving me nuts. Is he avoiding me? Is he trying to sever all ties with me? Does he hate me completely now, and this is his way of letting me down easy? I can't get him to talk to me to find out why he's dropped off the radar. I went to the mansion, but he isn't there. He's not in Smallville or Metropolis. He's probably with Bruce. I know he's with Bruce. They're together and I have to face that Lex has chosen a man over the freak that is me. I complicate things for him. I take away his freedom.
When Zod possessed Lex's body, he told me that Lex was completely dead. He told me that I'd never get back the man that was Lex. It seems he was right, but for the wrong reasons. Though I did finally manage to banish Zod, Lex is still lost to me. At least when Zod had him, he still touched me, and I can't even believe I'm thinking this. These days, I can't sleep. I lay awake at night, thinking about Lex and what happened when he was Zod. He did terrible things. I haven't really talked to anybody about what happened in the mansion when he held me captive. He controlled me and made me his slave. I shiver just thinking about it. I tell myself that it couldn't have ended any other way. He threatened to kill my family and my friends if I didn't do what he asked. I had to obey him. At the time, I thought I did that because I had no other choice, but the truth is something I still can't even say out loud. It was Lex. I stayed and did nothing at first to stop Zod because it was Lex. I would look into his eyes and see Lex, and I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to touch him and be touched by him, even if his touch was never gentle. I let him fuck me because it was Lex and I had hoped
I've been busy. I've been avoiding this place. Lex hasn't returned my calls. At first I left a message about meeting to talk about what classes to take. I waited a few days. He didn't get back to me. Then I called to say I was just calling to say hey, but he didn't get back to me again. My speculations as to why he hasn't returned my calls are driving me nuts. Is he avoiding me? Is he trying to sever all ties with me? Does he hate me completely now, and this is his way of letting me down easy? I can't get him to talk to me to find out why he's dropped off the radar. I went to the mansion, but he isn't there. He's not in Smallville or Metropolis. He's probably with Bruce. I know he's with Bruce. They're together and I have to face that Lex has chosen a man over the freak that is me. I complicate things for him. I take away his freedom.
When Zod possessed Lex's body, he told me that Lex was completely dead. He told me that I'd never get back the man that was Lex. It seems he was right, but for the wrong reasons. Though I did finally manage to banish Zod, Lex is still lost to me. At least when Zod had him, he still touched me, and I can't even believe I'm thinking this. These days, I can't sleep. I lay awake at night, thinking about Lex and what happened when he was Zod. He did terrible things. I haven't really talked to anybody about what happened in the mansion when he held me captive. He controlled me and made me his slave. I shiver just thinking about it. I tell myself that it couldn't have ended any other way. He threatened to kill my family and my friends if I didn't do what he asked. I had to obey him. At the time, I thought I did that because I had no other choice, but the truth is something I still can't even say out loud. It was Lex. I stayed and did nothing at first to stop Zod because it was Lex. I would look into his eyes and see Lex, and I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to touch him and be touched by him, even if his touch was never gentle. I let him fuck me because it was Lex and I had hoped