FIC: I Swore I Heard You Laughing
Title: I Swore I Heard You Laughing
Author: Amy (alexia@innergeekdom.net)
Fandom: Veronica Mars
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Oh, Rob Thomas. Ohhhhhhh Rob Thomas.
Spoilers: Leave it to Beaver. But takes place pre-series.
Summary: It's just like going to sleep...
Notes: Title from Cotton Mather, "Lily Dreams On". For cadhla for the Female Gen Ficathon.
1,957 words
The actual act of dying isn't as bad as Lilly would have expected. Like, it could've been a lot worse. She somehow thought that, you know, with all that blood and stuff? There'd be pain. But it turns out, not really. There's fear, yeah; she's the kind of scared that you have nightmares about even approaching. And then for a moment, it hurts like a bitch. But then it's totally over. Just like that. And Aaron's gone, and the fear slides away with the blood, and then it's just like going to sleep. Which is funny- hilarious, really- because that was what everyone said about Duncan's dog and Lilly had made fun of them, but... it's kind of nice. She's tired. So she dozes off.
Then she wakes up. And her body (which is still totally hot, even with the big gash in the skull and the kind of greenish color she's starting to adopt) is getting zipped into a bag and she's, like, not.
And that's when things start to get interesting.
***
Well, that's when things should get interesting. It's actually when things begin to get strikingly less interesting. It's probably a lot more interesting for everyone around her. There's running around and gathering evidence and probably a lot of counseling for a lot of people because who would've expected this in Neptune?
Lilly does not have to fear for her life, because she already lost it. So mostly this part is boring. She might be the center of everyone's attention, but they can't see her through the body bag.
She watches it for a long time, like it holds the secrets of the universe or something, but no matter how hard she looks it still just holds her corpse.
Clearly, it's time to move on.
***
The first thing she does is go over to Duncan. Because, really, what's the fun of being dead if you don't use your brand-new crazy ghost powers to immediately start harassing your little brother?
She's planning to do something fun- she's thinking of moving around a few inconsequential items, maybe shaking a few chains, definitely convincing Duncan that he's going crazy- when she notices that he's kind of shaking and his eyes aren't focusing.
She reaches into her big bag of mocking nicknames and hurls one at him. Waits for him to react. But she can't tell if he can't hear her because he's in shock or because she's dead.
"Duncan," she says. "Duncan, can you hear me?"
He doesn't react. That can't be a good sign. Despite the whole sister thing with Veronica, he's been getting better with everything. She doesn't know what could've sent him this far backwards.
Oh, right. Her dying.
"Duncan, you jackass," she says. "Stop it. I wouldn't be like this if you were dead."
He doesn't react, and she doesn't know if it's because she's lying or because he can't hear her.
***
It takes Lilly less than forty-eight hours dead to realize that she spent most of her time alive doing things you can't do when you're dead. For example:
(A) having sex with your boyfriend
(B) having sex with your boyfriend's maid's son
(C) having sex with your boyfriend's father
She's never realized how much time she's spent, between the three of them, and that's not even counting the one-night stands.
She wants to use her free time for something important, like hanging out with Veronica or judging that slut Yolanda. But there's no fun judging when no one can hear what you're, like, saying, and everyone's too busy mourning to hear any of the ghostly whispers she's been making at their windows. Which is totally lame, because really, who had known Lilly when she was alive and didn't think she'd be haunting their asses?
Haunting people who don't acknowledge they're being haunted is even more boring than math class. And at this point, she'd even do math homework to stop being bored. Unfortunately, she doesn't have a math book anymore, because she is dead.
Also, the high school's closed down 'til her funeral, because apparently it's like Heathers out there. But with totally gruesome head injury instead of self-inflicted bleaching, duh. Which is unfortunate, because at least Heather Chandler looked good in her coffin. Lilly's going to look like crap.
***
They end up doing an autopsy. Lilly doesn't want to talk about that one, ever. Going to the gynecologist was bad enough, and at least there no one had something called a "rib cutters", which it turns out are exactly what they sound like.
***
At the funeral, people say nice things about what a good person Lilly was, and how much she meant to all of them, and blah blah blah best dead person ever. Logan and Duncan and Veronica all don't talk at all. They just cry. Veronica's dad looks around suspiciously like everyone is a suspect. Her mother is shaking a little. Logan's mom is drunk, and his father shakes a lot of people's hands.
It's way boring. Lilly falls asleep in the back row and dreams about an open-casket ceremony where she wears her homecoming dress and a tiara.
***
Veronica cries a lot, when she's mourning. It's kind of depressing to just stand there and watch her cry. It's bad enough with Duncan, and she avoids considering how Logan's dealing with his pain entirely, but with Veronica it's just kind of sad.
Like, yeah, death, tragedy, Lilly's completely on board with that; Neptune lost the best little Pirate ever. There should be memorials and flags. But for all that everyone's mourning is centered on her, it's weird how much it's not about her at all. Okay, not that this many people would care this much if someone else died (because, duh, no), but practically everything, Lilly thinks, is more about the people grieving than about the dead.
Come on. Really. Would she make people wear black? No, because ninety percent of people do not look nearly as good in black as they think. And would she have chosen that picture for the cover of People magazine? No, because that one makes her look like Miss Teen Beauty Queen, and no twelve-year-old boy is going to end up feeling creeped out jerking off to a picture of a dead girl if they use a picture like that.
They should have used a picture of her from homecoming. Lilly looked awesome at homecoming.
If they really wanted to mourn the way Lilly wanted to, they would have superimposed her head on a Playboy shot. And put it up right above the pool. And blasted rap music from the speakers. Shot My Boo would totally fit. Maybe they could've even convinced Dime Bag to write a new version: "Hit My Boo On The Head With An Ashtray Then Ran Off".
Hey, it worked for Elton John with Princess Diana, and she wasn't nearly as rich as the Kanes were.
***
The pep squad comes up with a memorial routine. To "My Heart Will Go On". Lilly would get teary if it weren't the lamest thing ever. Veronica does the smartest thing she's ever done without Lilly telling her to do it, and quits the pep squad before they perform it. With Veronica gone, they have Meg Manning hold up the big paper mache heart. Lilly is embarrassed for her.
***
Veronica's dad is becoming obsessed with the idea that Lilly's dad was the killer. And for all that Lilly despises her parents, even she thinks this is a load of crap. Please, like Daddy Dearest would ever OJ anyone. He doesn't even iron his own pants.
The plus side is that this is suddenly giving her little brother the total Romeo-and-Juliet in with Veronica that he doesn't even know he's been craving. They're way star-crossed and stuff. They can have go cry to each other from balconies and then have tender angsty virginal cuddling or whatever it is they're both looking for right now.
Or, well, they could, except that Duncan's a loser who listens to everything their mother says, so he's convinced that he and Veronica are too Flowers in the Attic to kill themselves as one, or whatever happens in Romeo and Juliet after the really cool scene with Claire Danes with the wings and the pool and the Leo.
Which is totally a shame, because Lilly would totally be down with seeing Weevil and Logan as two of the hot guys who go around stabbing people. Something to pass the time, you know?
Not that it matters. They'd never all be on the same side. They'd be stabbing each other.
Actually, that's kind of hot too.
***
Veronica is, like, totally closed off to the possibility of pretty much anything, ever, in the world, except for her dad being right and her mom being erratic and Lilly being dead. It's kind of a pathetic lifestyle, Lilly thinks, which she'd tell Veronica if she'd listen. Which she won't.
One day, Lilly makes sure that the song playing on the radio as soon as Veronica wakes up is Spice Girls. She wants to see that Veronica, the one who let go and had fun, even if it was, like, minor amateur remedial fun. Because it was fun with her.
It just makes Veronica cry. Lilly is starting to think she's hopeless.
***
After Veronica's mom leaves, she actually cries less. Which is a relief. Lilly's tired of the crying, even if the lack of crying is a sign that Veronica's going as catatonic as Duncan. Maybe they can make sweet sweet love in the mental asylum, if it comes to that.
"You need to let go," she informs Veronica.
Veronica, predictably, cannot hear her.
"You need to go out," she continues. "Have fun. Be a real life person for once. Who cares what anyone says?"
Veronica is balling up used tissues and hurling them at her garbage can.
"You should go to Shelly Pomeroy's end of the year party," Lilly continues.
"Maybe," Veronica says, and Lilly is aware of how much Veronica thinks she's talking to herself, "I'll go to Shelly's party. I don't need to be with Duncan to be..."
"Good girl," Lilly says encouragingly. And she watches Veronica get ready, offering encouragement and criticism like the good best friend she is. The fact that Veronica doesn't seem to register any of it doesn't mean anything. It's still more fun than math homework.
Veronica stands in front of the mirror, and turns around twice. Slowly. "So," she says out loud. "Guess I'm ready."
"I really wouldn't wear that dress if I were you," Lilly says. She's not surprised when Veronica doesn't hear her. But that doesn't mean it doesn't sting.
***
There's something utterly depressing about going to parties where no one can see you or hear you, so Lilly opts to stay floating around Veronica's room, looking through her things and pretending that she's the one at the party instead. There are dozens of things that Veronica does not know about normal 09er parties, because she has never left Lilly's side. She's smart enough to not go within ten feet of Dick Casablancas, of course, but would she be stupid enough to ask Carrie Bishop for help with anything? And would she manage to play right into one of Madison Sinclair's stupid middle school party tricks? Or what if Yolanda shows, and Veronica fails to give her the cold shoulder?
Whatever. It's Neptune. Everyone's obnoxious, but no one's malicious. Besides, it's a party, not a funeral. At Shelly's house, not a morgue. And it's not like she's been listening to Lilly anyway. V's a big girl. She can totally fend for herself.
She's going to have to start someday. Might as well be today.
Author: Amy (alexia@innergeekdom.net)
Fandom: Veronica Mars
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Oh, Rob Thomas. Ohhhhhhh Rob Thomas.
Spoilers: Leave it to Beaver. But takes place pre-series.
Summary: It's just like going to sleep...
Notes: Title from Cotton Mather, "Lily Dreams On". For cadhla for the Female Gen Ficathon.
1,957 words
The actual act of dying isn't as bad as Lilly would have expected. Like, it could've been a lot worse. She somehow thought that, you know, with all that blood and stuff? There'd be pain. But it turns out, not really. There's fear, yeah; she's the kind of scared that you have nightmares about even approaching. And then for a moment, it hurts like a bitch. But then it's totally over. Just like that. And Aaron's gone, and the fear slides away with the blood, and then it's just like going to sleep. Which is funny- hilarious, really- because that was what everyone said about Duncan's dog and Lilly had made fun of them, but... it's kind of nice. She's tired. So she dozes off.
Then she wakes up. And her body (which is still totally hot, even with the big gash in the skull and the kind of greenish color she's starting to adopt) is getting zipped into a bag and she's, like, not.
And that's when things start to get interesting.
***
Well, that's when things should get interesting. It's actually when things begin to get strikingly less interesting. It's probably a lot more interesting for everyone around her. There's running around and gathering evidence and probably a lot of counseling for a lot of people because who would've expected this in Neptune?
Lilly does not have to fear for her life, because she already lost it. So mostly this part is boring. She might be the center of everyone's attention, but they can't see her through the body bag.
She watches it for a long time, like it holds the secrets of the universe or something, but no matter how hard she looks it still just holds her corpse.
Clearly, it's time to move on.
***
The first thing she does is go over to Duncan. Because, really, what's the fun of being dead if you don't use your brand-new crazy ghost powers to immediately start harassing your little brother?
She's planning to do something fun- she's thinking of moving around a few inconsequential items, maybe shaking a few chains, definitely convincing Duncan that he's going crazy- when she notices that he's kind of shaking and his eyes aren't focusing.
She reaches into her big bag of mocking nicknames and hurls one at him. Waits for him to react. But she can't tell if he can't hear her because he's in shock or because she's dead.
"Duncan," she says. "Duncan, can you hear me?"
He doesn't react. That can't be a good sign. Despite the whole sister thing with Veronica, he's been getting better with everything. She doesn't know what could've sent him this far backwards.
Oh, right. Her dying.
"Duncan, you jackass," she says. "Stop it. I wouldn't be like this if you were dead."
He doesn't react, and she doesn't know if it's because she's lying or because he can't hear her.
***
It takes Lilly less than forty-eight hours dead to realize that she spent most of her time alive doing things you can't do when you're dead. For example:
(A) having sex with your boyfriend
(B) having sex with your boyfriend's maid's son
(C) having sex with your boyfriend's father
She's never realized how much time she's spent, between the three of them, and that's not even counting the one-night stands.
She wants to use her free time for something important, like hanging out with Veronica or judging that slut Yolanda. But there's no fun judging when no one can hear what you're, like, saying, and everyone's too busy mourning to hear any of the ghostly whispers she's been making at their windows. Which is totally lame, because really, who had known Lilly when she was alive and didn't think she'd be haunting their asses?
Haunting people who don't acknowledge they're being haunted is even more boring than math class. And at this point, she'd even do math homework to stop being bored. Unfortunately, she doesn't have a math book anymore, because she is dead.
Also, the high school's closed down 'til her funeral, because apparently it's like Heathers out there. But with totally gruesome head injury instead of self-inflicted bleaching, duh. Which is unfortunate, because at least Heather Chandler looked good in her coffin. Lilly's going to look like crap.
***
They end up doing an autopsy. Lilly doesn't want to talk about that one, ever. Going to the gynecologist was bad enough, and at least there no one had something called a "rib cutters", which it turns out are exactly what they sound like.
***
At the funeral, people say nice things about what a good person Lilly was, and how much she meant to all of them, and blah blah blah best dead person ever. Logan and Duncan and Veronica all don't talk at all. They just cry. Veronica's dad looks around suspiciously like everyone is a suspect. Her mother is shaking a little. Logan's mom is drunk, and his father shakes a lot of people's hands.
It's way boring. Lilly falls asleep in the back row and dreams about an open-casket ceremony where she wears her homecoming dress and a tiara.
***
Veronica cries a lot, when she's mourning. It's kind of depressing to just stand there and watch her cry. It's bad enough with Duncan, and she avoids considering how Logan's dealing with his pain entirely, but with Veronica it's just kind of sad.
Like, yeah, death, tragedy, Lilly's completely on board with that; Neptune lost the best little Pirate ever. There should be memorials and flags. But for all that everyone's mourning is centered on her, it's weird how much it's not about her at all. Okay, not that this many people would care this much if someone else died (because, duh, no), but practically everything, Lilly thinks, is more about the people grieving than about the dead.
Come on. Really. Would she make people wear black? No, because ninety percent of people do not look nearly as good in black as they think. And would she have chosen that picture for the cover of People magazine? No, because that one makes her look like Miss Teen Beauty Queen, and no twelve-year-old boy is going to end up feeling creeped out jerking off to a picture of a dead girl if they use a picture like that.
They should have used a picture of her from homecoming. Lilly looked awesome at homecoming.
If they really wanted to mourn the way Lilly wanted to, they would have superimposed her head on a Playboy shot. And put it up right above the pool. And blasted rap music from the speakers. Shot My Boo would totally fit. Maybe they could've even convinced Dime Bag to write a new version: "Hit My Boo On The Head With An Ashtray Then Ran Off".
Hey, it worked for Elton John with Princess Diana, and she wasn't nearly as rich as the Kanes were.
***
The pep squad comes up with a memorial routine. To "My Heart Will Go On". Lilly would get teary if it weren't the lamest thing ever. Veronica does the smartest thing she's ever done without Lilly telling her to do it, and quits the pep squad before they perform it. With Veronica gone, they have Meg Manning hold up the big paper mache heart. Lilly is embarrassed for her.
***
Veronica's dad is becoming obsessed with the idea that Lilly's dad was the killer. And for all that Lilly despises her parents, even she thinks this is a load of crap. Please, like Daddy Dearest would ever OJ anyone. He doesn't even iron his own pants.
The plus side is that this is suddenly giving her little brother the total Romeo-and-Juliet in with Veronica that he doesn't even know he's been craving. They're way star-crossed and stuff. They can have go cry to each other from balconies and then have tender angsty virginal cuddling or whatever it is they're both looking for right now.
Or, well, they could, except that Duncan's a loser who listens to everything their mother says, so he's convinced that he and Veronica are too Flowers in the Attic to kill themselves as one, or whatever happens in Romeo and Juliet after the really cool scene with Claire Danes with the wings and the pool and the Leo.
Which is totally a shame, because Lilly would totally be down with seeing Weevil and Logan as two of the hot guys who go around stabbing people. Something to pass the time, you know?
Not that it matters. They'd never all be on the same side. They'd be stabbing each other.
Actually, that's kind of hot too.
***
Veronica is, like, totally closed off to the possibility of pretty much anything, ever, in the world, except for her dad being right and her mom being erratic and Lilly being dead. It's kind of a pathetic lifestyle, Lilly thinks, which she'd tell Veronica if she'd listen. Which she won't.
One day, Lilly makes sure that the song playing on the radio as soon as Veronica wakes up is Spice Girls. She wants to see that Veronica, the one who let go and had fun, even if it was, like, minor amateur remedial fun. Because it was fun with her.
It just makes Veronica cry. Lilly is starting to think she's hopeless.
***
After Veronica's mom leaves, she actually cries less. Which is a relief. Lilly's tired of the crying, even if the lack of crying is a sign that Veronica's going as catatonic as Duncan. Maybe they can make sweet sweet love in the mental asylum, if it comes to that.
"You need to let go," she informs Veronica.
Veronica, predictably, cannot hear her.
"You need to go out," she continues. "Have fun. Be a real life person for once. Who cares what anyone says?"
Veronica is balling up used tissues and hurling them at her garbage can.
"You should go to Shelly Pomeroy's end of the year party," Lilly continues.
"Maybe," Veronica says, and Lilly is aware of how much Veronica thinks she's talking to herself, "I'll go to Shelly's party. I don't need to be with Duncan to be..."
"Good girl," Lilly says encouragingly. And she watches Veronica get ready, offering encouragement and criticism like the good best friend she is. The fact that Veronica doesn't seem to register any of it doesn't mean anything. It's still more fun than math homework.
Veronica stands in front of the mirror, and turns around twice. Slowly. "So," she says out loud. "Guess I'm ready."
"I really wouldn't wear that dress if I were you," Lilly says. She's not surprised when Veronica doesn't hear her. But that doesn't mean it doesn't sting.
***
There's something utterly depressing about going to parties where no one can see you or hear you, so Lilly opts to stay floating around Veronica's room, looking through her things and pretending that she's the one at the party instead. There are dozens of things that Veronica does not know about normal 09er parties, because she has never left Lilly's side. She's smart enough to not go within ten feet of Dick Casablancas, of course, but would she be stupid enough to ask Carrie Bishop for help with anything? And would she manage to play right into one of Madison Sinclair's stupid middle school party tricks? Or what if Yolanda shows, and Veronica fails to give her the cold shoulder?
Whatever. It's Neptune. Everyone's obnoxious, but no one's malicious. Besides, it's a party, not a funeral. At Shelly's house, not a morgue. And it's not like she's been listening to Lilly anyway. V's a big girl. She can totally fend for herself.
She's going to have to start someday. Might as well be today.