Warm Nights and the Chill

[fourstrifes]

What do you feel? I feel tired. Always tired. I feel ashamed that someone as ugly as me can be allowed to say anything important, to say anything profound. It feels like I'm lying. Like only beautiful people should make beautiful words. And my fingers don't move as fast as the words in my mind. My fingers stumble and mix up the letters and pause as

Comments

[deadskie13]

I wish I could say something to help you--but the truth of the matter is, even though I've felt similar things, I haven't. We can't help but feel things differently, even when we're feeling the same.

I'm not so fond of myself most of the time, and so I just try and ignore who I am. I feel really bad when someone likes me, because I feel as though I've somehow tricked them. Sometimes I have things to say, and I just don't say them--I'm afraid that my words would stumble and falter and fail, despite my attempts at honest conversation. I almost didn't say these things, just now.

I think the easiest way to cope with life, is to do nothing. It's a good way to pretend that nothing matters, except this second. If only beautiful people said beautiful things, then I'm afraid the world would be filled with silence. Wanting someone or something to believe in is something we all very much need. I hope you find what you're looking for, just as soon as realize what it is.

[root_fu]

Can I add you? I like your worldview.

[deadskie13]

Sure. But just to warn you, I write an awful lot about nothing.

[root_fu]

K.

[root_fu]

"... and you, Marcus, have given me many things; now I shall give you this good advice. Be many people. Give up the game of being always Marcus Cocoza. You have worried too much about Marcus Cocoza, so that you have been really his slave and prisoner. You have not done anything without first considering how it would affect Marcus Cocoza's happiness and prestige. You were always much afraid that Marcus might do a stupid thing, or be bored. What would it really have mattered? All over the world people are doing stupid things... I should like you to be easy, your little heart to be light again. You must from now, be more than one, many people, as many as you can think of..."

~~Karen Blixen (writing under the pseudonym "Isak Dinesin"), from "The Dreamers", from Seven Gothic Tales.

[root_fu]

This might sound stupid, but I have spent a good number of days going in circles