Reevaluating (1/2)
Title: Reevaluating - Part 1 of 2
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Summary: The evening had started off so perfectly. Until Blaine opened his mouth and dropped a bomb.
Word Count: 1023
Author's Note: Another in the Legacy verse - takes place early in Kurt's Junior year of college. This is my attempt to angst things up a bit. I'll plan to post the rest tomorrow.
The evening had started off so perfectly. They’d gotten dinner in the West Village, Blaine making the trek all the way down from Columbia so they could try out the new place one of Kurt’s friends had recommended. The meal was exquisite, even better than they had expected, but they’d skipped dessert in favor of a slow walk through the autumn twilight to Kurt’s place near NYU. His roommates were out, so they curled up on the couch together, content to kiss and cuddle in the rare silence. Until Blaine opened his mouth and dropped a bomb.
“I got the fellowship,” he said, tensing before he finished his sentence.
“The London fellowship? The one they said almost no sophomores get, but it would be a good experience just to apply?” Kurt asked, amazed. “The one that’ll take you to another continent for most of the next year?”
“It’s just eight months, Kurt. January through August. I’ll be home before your senior year starts,” Blaine said, turning in Kurt’s arms so he could look at him.
“I know, but…eight months is still a long time. We’ve only just figured out how to be in the same city together again. How are we supposed to manage a six hour time difference?”
“We’ve managed so much worse than this, though. And we haven’t just figured this version out - we’ve been here together for a year. I know it hasn’t always been easy, but we’ve managed.”
“That’s just it, Blaine. We’ve managed, but you know it makes me crazy. Hell, I know it makes you crazy. And now you want to make it even worse by leaving the country?” Kurt’s eyes were getting wet, but he knuckled the tears away.
“I don’t want to make it worse. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, studying music and music education non-stop like that, with no distractions. I can’t pass it up.” Blaine tucked his arms around himself defensively.
“So what, now I’m a distraction?” Kurt asked, latching onto the least important part of what Blaine had said.
“What? No! No, you’re not. But you have to realize that being over there, by myself, with nothing to do but sing and play and write is probably just what I need.”
“You’re not happy here,” Kurt said dully.
“I’m not unhappy here. I have you. But I need to see what else is out there, make sure that teaching music is going to be right for me before I throw myself into two years of student teaching craziness.” Blaine had a faraway look in his eye, like he was already gone across the ocean.
“Ok. Ok, so.” Kurt took a deep breath, trying to will himself to hold it together. He forced his chin higher and looked at Blaine. “What does that mean for us?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if you’re reevaluating everything and leaving until August, where does that leave us?” Kurt asked. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to say.
“Why does it have to mean anything?” Blaine asked, bewildered.
“Don’t be obtuse, Blaine,” Kurt said, standing up to face him. “You’re just going to run away across the ocean for most of a year and bury yourself in music and I’m supposed to what? Sit here waiting and keep the home fires burning for you?”
“What? Where is this coming from? We talked about this. You knew I wanted to go abroad.” Blaine was standing now, too, and they faced off across the coffee table.
“Well, yeah, but I thought it would be for a couple of months, to a place where you get time off for things like holidays and vacations. Not a program where you’ll end up disappearing into your music for months at a time.”
“What, like you do with your shows at NYU?” Blaine’s jaw was set, which meant he was accessing the deep well of stubbornness he usually ignored.
“Excuse me? This is in no way the same.”
“Oh it is in every way the same,” Blaine said, his voice rising. “Remember last spring, when you got the major supporting role?”
“Of course,” Kurt snapped. It had been a huge part for a sophomore, and he’d thought Blaine had been as ecstatic about it as he had been.
“Do you remember how many of my concerts you made it to during that show? None. Something always came up. And do you remember how many times we actually saw each other during it? Maybe three times, and that’s counting when I came to opening night and you managed to spare me ten minutes before you got swept off to the cast party.”
“I brought you with me!”
“And abandoned me to ‘make the rounds’ about five minutes in. I didn’t see you again until the end of the party.”
“There were directors and casting agents there. I thought you understood how important that was to me,” Kurt said, amazed.
“And I thought you understood how important this was to me, but apparently I was wrong.”
“I…” Kurt began, but he couldn’t figure out what else to say.
“Right. So clearly we’re not on the same page, here. Maybe we need a little time - a little space - to sort it out.” Blaine grabbed his jacket from the back of the couch and began pulling it on.
“What are you doing?”
“Going home. To think. Maybe you can do the same.” Blaine walked over to him and pressed a chaste kiss to Kurt’s cheek, his movements stiff with annoyance. “Call me when you’re ready to talk.”
“Blaine,” Kurt took a step forward, but stopped before he could get close enough to touch.
“What?” Blaine turned back, one hand already on the doorknob.
“Nothing. I’ll call.”
“Ok.” Blaine hesitated, and then caught his eye. “I love you, you know.”
“I know.” Kurt said, and he did. He absolutely did. “You too.”
They stared at one another across the room, which suddenly felt miles wide. Then Kurt blinked, Blaine opened the door, and the moment was gone. Kurt stood in his empty living room, wondering when, exactly, things had begun to fall apart.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Summary: The evening had started off so perfectly. Until Blaine opened his mouth and dropped a bomb.
Word Count: 1023
Author's Note: Another in the Legacy verse - takes place early in Kurt's Junior year of college. This is my attempt to angst things up a bit. I'll plan to post the rest tomorrow.
The evening had started off so perfectly. They’d gotten dinner in the West Village, Blaine making the trek all the way down from Columbia so they could try out the new place one of Kurt’s friends had recommended. The meal was exquisite, even better than they had expected, but they’d skipped dessert in favor of a slow walk through the autumn twilight to Kurt’s place near NYU. His roommates were out, so they curled up on the couch together, content to kiss and cuddle in the rare silence. Until Blaine opened his mouth and dropped a bomb.
“I got the fellowship,” he said, tensing before he finished his sentence.
“The London fellowship? The one they said almost no sophomores get, but it would be a good experience just to apply?” Kurt asked, amazed. “The one that’ll take you to another continent for most of the next year?”
“It’s just eight months, Kurt. January through August. I’ll be home before your senior year starts,” Blaine said, turning in Kurt’s arms so he could look at him.
“I know, but…eight months is still a long time. We’ve only just figured out how to be in the same city together again. How are we supposed to manage a six hour time difference?”
“We’ve managed so much worse than this, though. And we haven’t just figured this version out - we’ve been here together for a year. I know it hasn’t always been easy, but we’ve managed.”
“That’s just it, Blaine. We’ve managed, but you know it makes me crazy. Hell, I know it makes you crazy. And now you want to make it even worse by leaving the country?” Kurt’s eyes were getting wet, but he knuckled the tears away.
“I don’t want to make it worse. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, studying music and music education non-stop like that, with no distractions. I can’t pass it up.” Blaine tucked his arms around himself defensively.
“So what, now I’m a distraction?” Kurt asked, latching onto the least important part of what Blaine had said.
“What? No! No, you’re not. But you have to realize that being over there, by myself, with nothing to do but sing and play and write is probably just what I need.”
“You’re not happy here,” Kurt said dully.
“I’m not unhappy here. I have you. But I need to see what else is out there, make sure that teaching music is going to be right for me before I throw myself into two years of student teaching craziness.” Blaine had a faraway look in his eye, like he was already gone across the ocean.
“Ok. Ok, so.” Kurt took a deep breath, trying to will himself to hold it together. He forced his chin higher and looked at Blaine. “What does that mean for us?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if you’re reevaluating everything and leaving until August, where does that leave us?” Kurt asked. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to say.
“Why does it have to mean anything?” Blaine asked, bewildered.
“Don’t be obtuse, Blaine,” Kurt said, standing up to face him. “You’re just going to run away across the ocean for most of a year and bury yourself in music and I’m supposed to what? Sit here waiting and keep the home fires burning for you?”
“What? Where is this coming from? We talked about this. You knew I wanted to go abroad.” Blaine was standing now, too, and they faced off across the coffee table.
“Well, yeah, but I thought it would be for a couple of months, to a place where you get time off for things like holidays and vacations. Not a program where you’ll end up disappearing into your music for months at a time.”
“What, like you do with your shows at NYU?” Blaine’s jaw was set, which meant he was accessing the deep well of stubbornness he usually ignored.
“Excuse me? This is in no way the same.”
“Oh it is in every way the same,” Blaine said, his voice rising. “Remember last spring, when you got the major supporting role?”
“Of course,” Kurt snapped. It had been a huge part for a sophomore, and he’d thought Blaine had been as ecstatic about it as he had been.
“Do you remember how many of my concerts you made it to during that show? None. Something always came up. And do you remember how many times we actually saw each other during it? Maybe three times, and that’s counting when I came to opening night and you managed to spare me ten minutes before you got swept off to the cast party.”
“I brought you with me!”
“And abandoned me to ‘make the rounds’ about five minutes in. I didn’t see you again until the end of the party.”
“There were directors and casting agents there. I thought you understood how important that was to me,” Kurt said, amazed.
“And I thought you understood how important this was to me, but apparently I was wrong.”
“I…” Kurt began, but he couldn’t figure out what else to say.
“Right. So clearly we’re not on the same page, here. Maybe we need a little time - a little space - to sort it out.” Blaine grabbed his jacket from the back of the couch and began pulling it on.
“What are you doing?”
“Going home. To think. Maybe you can do the same.” Blaine walked over to him and pressed a chaste kiss to Kurt’s cheek, his movements stiff with annoyance. “Call me when you’re ready to talk.”
“Blaine,” Kurt took a step forward, but stopped before he could get close enough to touch.
“What?” Blaine turned back, one hand already on the doorknob.
“Nothing. I’ll call.”
“Ok.” Blaine hesitated, and then caught his eye. “I love you, you know.”
“I know.” Kurt said, and he did. He absolutely did. “You too.”
They stared at one another across the room, which suddenly felt miles wide. Then Kurt blinked, Blaine opened the door, and the moment was gone. Kurt stood in his empty living room, wondering when, exactly, things had begun to fall apart.