I'm beyond fucked up.

[fotosax]

i didn't go to trabajo today.
i've been dizzy for several days.
i'm just way stressed and way broke.
i've never had to deal w/ creditors calling my phone 10 times a day
i owe everyone money.
my credit is realllyyyy bad
i looked the other day
in the 500s.
my life = mess.
don't know how much longer i'll be able to stay in this job.
making this crap for $.

Comments

[umarisa]

You say you don't want to give it up, but it's your only hope. It just is. So do whatever you have to do to give it up. You're going to tell me that it's not that simple and that you're addicted and I get that, but people get over addictions. They do. They get over crack, gambling, sex, prescription meds, smoking, alcohol. You know it's possible, and don't tell me that you're worse than all of them. You're no different. So you can't go to a fancy rehab center. Figure out something else. You need to put every ounce of energy into forcing yourself to quit. You need to go to GA and accept whatever they tell you to do, because it works and because you have no alternative. It isn't an opinion, it's a fact. You have no alternative but to stop gambling, or you are literally going to gamble your life away, as you've already started to do. Want to move out? Want to make a life for yourself? Want to stop feeling those horrible pangs of regret? Then stop making excuses and stop complaining, because it gets you nowhere. You are

[fotosax]

You are right. I wish I could build myself up emotionally. I know that gambling has a whole lot to do with some emotional void/pain. And then it just creates more when it doesn't go my way and it becomes a ridiculously vicious cycle.

I am a mess. It's 2:30am and my mom and I are arguing at the top of our lungs. I shut up for 20 minutes and she keeps prodding me. I give in and start yelling again. Proof that I am just weak in general. I don't know anymore. Seriously, a mess.