【HSJ-thon】 Yaotome Bakaru
Title: Yaotome Bakaru
Author: forte_tsuki
Pairing: misc, try & find them all ;]
Rating: RRR goddammit.
Genre: Crack; small smut
Prompt: #28. 5 times Hikaru failed at being funny --> HSJ-thon
A/N: HSJ-thon prompt. I phail. Plus I haven't posted a fic in what, 3 months? (Damn you high school.)
Whoopie Cushion (Inspired by a pack of whoopie cushions my friend bought me for X'mas.)
Ryutaro sat on a chair in the dressing rooms pulling tissue after tissue out of fifty dozen tissue packs. He blew his snot all over them and tossed them perfectly into the trashcan beside him.
Yabu and Yuto suddenly came in with their duffle bags slung over their shoulder. But they immediately dropped them and rushed to Ryutaro's side rubbing his back and comforting him as much as possible.
"Ryutaro! What's wrong?" Yabu asked dearly.
"Sniff... It's... sniff sniff... Hammy... sniff sniff... HE RAN AWAY!!!" Ryutaro burried his head deep in Yabu's chest and bawled his eyes out crying and screaming.
"What happened to him? I went to your house just yesterday and he was right there in his cage!" Yuto said like he was absolutely sure of it.
"This morning... sniff sniff... I woke up... and fed Hammy... sniff... but after I showered and changed and ate breakfast... THE CAGE WAS OPEN AND HAMMY WAS GONE!" Ryutaro exploded again and hid in Yuto's chest.
"There there, let's go get you some juice fella." Yabu helped Ryutaro off the chair and the three walked out of the room toward the nearest vending machine.
Meanwhile, Hikaru was skipping happily to the dressing rooms in the halls. No really, he was skipping and flapping his arms up and down with a stupid smile on his face. Why? Well, just yesterday, Daiki got him an unbelievably late birthday present and it happened to be what Hikaru was trying to get for the past two years: a giant American whoopie cushion.
He finally arrived at the dressing rooms but no one was in there.
"Eh? Where is everyone?" Hikaru asked himself. He shrugged and sat on the couch. Thirty minutes lagged by and nothing happened. Seriously, nothing happened. Hikaru was just sitting there daydreaming about Keito's abs and chest and muscles and who knows how far that psycho can go.
Suddenly, a thought came into his head. Why not try out the whoopie cushion Daiki gave him?
He dug around in his bag and pulled out the whoopie cushion. He blew it up quickly and made it as puffy as it could be. He set the whoopie cushion on a chair with a trashcan and tissue packs nearby and sat back down on the couch.
Oh boy I can't wait to see the face of whoever sits down on that thing! Hikaru thought.
Suddenly, Ryutaro, Yuto, Yabu, Keito, Chinen, and Inoo walked in surrounding Ryutaro who was sipping away on a juice box still sniffling.
Hikaru is a smart boy. He gets good grades and acts as entertainment and a happy leader for the HSJ. But not in this story he doesn't.
Ryutaro sat back down on the chair unaware of what was on it. As expected, a thunderous PFFPFPFPPFPPFPTTTTJJJJJAJJJJJTTTTOOOOTOOTOTOTPPPPFFJJJAWFALSJKFALKSJDFLAALSFJLDS boomed from the pink balloon looking thing on Ryutaro's chair.
People jumped back and stared at Ryutaro. He got up and lifted up the whoopie cushion.
From behind the crowd of boys, a snicker was heard. Unfortunately that snicker grew into an enormous burst of laughter. Hikaru rolled off the couch and held his stomach because it hurt so goddamn much.
"HOLY CRAP RYUTARO YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN YOUR FACE! IT WAS LIKE OH EM GEE HWAHAHAH!" Hikaru said with tears rolling out of his eyes.
Nobody was laughing but him though. Everyone just glared at Hikaru like he assassinated Obama.
Hikaru's laughing died down in about five minutes and looked oblivious at everyone else.
"Why so serious?" Hikaru asked.
Loser
It was nearing the holidays and Hey!Say!JUMP deserved a day's break from all the hectic-ish-ness-ity having to do with Christmas and New Years. Everyone gathered at Keito's mansion-like-house on a saturday afternoon and discussed what to do and what not to do at their concerts.
"So, is everyone here?" Yabu asked.
"Haaai." Everyone replied sitting in a large circle in the living room.
"Hai, hajimemashou. Ok so fangirls these days like their idols acting cute, sexy, and funny. Let's focus on the funny. We're going to play a game in order to improve our humor. Everyone will take turns making a joke or doing something funny. If you fail to make at least two members crack a smile, you will do a batsu geemu (punishment game). Wakarimashita ka?"
"Yup!" Everyone replied simultaneously.
The game started with Yabu making a joke.
"What has long hair, tiny eyes, and has girls all over it?" Yabu said. Everyone shrugged. "Takaki with no clothes on!" Everyone smiled and Takaki blushed bright red.
Next was Takaki. He held up the peace sign with his two fingers. "This is a boy and a girl." He closed up the space between the two fingers and stuck them together. "They become a couple." He crossed his two fingers. "Now they are married." He made a hole with his other hand and stuck his crossed fingers in and out of the hole. "And this is what happens when someone gets horny." Everyone burst into laughter... except for Ryutaro who was just looking at everyone confused.
Next was Yamada. "What has a long neck, has spots, and has a lot of girls thinking it's cute?"
"A girraffe!" Everyone automatically responded.
"Noo it's Yuto!" Yamada replied. Yuto slapped Yamada playfully and everyone else chuckled.
Next was Chinen. "Why did Tigger look in the toilet?" People shrugged. "To find Pooh!" That was an extreamly lame joke but people still laughed.
Next was Daiki. "What do Asians use as blindfolds?" Again, people shrugged. "Dental floss!" Everyone exploded into laughter and pointed at Keito and Takaki.
"Oh pshh our eyes aren't that small!" Keito exclaimed.
Next was Hikaru. People became proper and got ready for they knew Hikaru was the king of humor and prince of laughs.
Hikaru started. "Ok. So why did the chicken cross the road?" Everyone stayed silent. "To get to the other side!" No one laughed. Not even a small grin. "Eh? Is it not funny? Er, actually I knew it wasn't funny I was hoping someone would get the joke and tell me how it's funny..."
"IT'S TIME FOR HIKARU'S BATSU GEEMU!" Inoo shouted. "Keito, if you please."
Keito whispered something into Hikaru's ears and a cold rush of air crawled up his spine.
The next day, everyone was at the dressing rooms practicing their dancing and singing. Hikaru was a bit late. Or was it that everyone told Hikaru a later time to meet up?
Suddenly, Hikaru rushed into the room with a mask over his mouth, sunglasses, and his hood on.
"Hikaru baby, please take off your mask and glasses and hood." Keito teased.
Hikaru refused to.
"You won't get any tonight." Keito turned his back and scoffed.
Hikaru panicked and slowly uncovered his face. There stood Hikaru with bright blue eye shadow over his eyes, thick mascara, bright pink lipstick, and sparkling pink blush.
Everyone crashed onto the floor laughing their guts out. Keito just stood there thinking. Ya gotta admit, that gets a guy horny.
Seriously
It was the day before their first Fuyucon. Everyone was tense and stiff. What if something went wrong? Oh this was scary for everyone in Hey!Say!JUMP.
We all know how Hikaru's so KY. He can't read the atmosphere to anything. This was an extreamly important time where you should read the atmosphere and NOT do something stupid. Unfortunately... IT'S HIKARU! C'MON!
Anyway, all of JUMP gathered in a circle around the producer in the dressing rooms of the practice studio. Everyone held a packet of paper with information about their first concert.
Aww dude, the atmosphere is so tense here. Isn't everyone a bit negative today? Maybe I should do something... thought Hikaru.
"And so smoke will explode from these four tubes here when you guys enter." The producer said.
"If the stage doesn't catch on fire." Hikaru joked.
Just then, Chinen gasped and clutched Yamada's arm tightly.
"Itetete that hurts Chi!" Yamada yelped. Chinen let go slowly but his teeth still chattered.
"... Umm... okai... then let's move on. Yabu please read the next title and subtitle." Said the producer.
"Opening song: The 10 members will then gather in a circle and sing their first song." Yabu read.
"Yes, that's pretty self explanatory. Be loud and clear guys. Osaka is a rowdy place with rowdy girls so best be louder than you usually sing." Said the producer.
"Indeed, loud enough you'll bust others' eardrums and we'll go out of harmony heheh." Hikaru joked again.
"WHAT? NO. DUDE! WHAT? BUT THEN WE'LL SOUND BAD. AND THEN WE'LL LOSE FANS. AND THEN NOBODY WILL PAY ATTENTION TO US. AND THEN WHO WILL WRITE ALL THE TAKAYAMA FANFICS THEN?" Yamada screamed and collapsed on the floor rocking back and forth shivering.
"No more takayama no more fun. No more takayama no more fun. No more takayama no more fun." Yamada chanted almost crying.
"Hikaru I think you should stop..." Takaki said pitifuly. He looked like he was about to cry too.
"Yes sir." Hikaru responded looking downward.
Date
"ACHOO!" Hikaru sneezed. Oh what a horrible day to get sick. It was the weekend after their first Winter concert. "Ugh, I shouldn't have run around naked around Keito. It's that bitch's fault for not noticing me."
But even so, Hikaru still struggled to get up, get ready, put on nice clothes, and make a date with Keito. But it's not really a date unless the other person thinks it's a date too right?
Suddenly, Hikaru's phone buzzed. It was a message from Keito.
Didn't we agree on 9 AM at Shibuya?
-Keito
Hikaru tilted his head awkwardly.
Yes we did babe. ;] Haha, just kidding. You're not my babe... yet.
-Hikka
Hikaru set his phone down and started changing. His phone buzzed again.
Look at your clock doofus.
-Keito
Hikaru tilted his head again and looked at the clock.
"HOLY SHIT IT'S ALREADY 9!" Hikaru boomed and rushed out the door, forgetting his hat and glasses.
Meanwhile, Keito stood against a rail near a ramen shop trying to poof his hair up when he put his hood up.
Suddenly, a tall weird looking guy, I mean Hikaru, came gushing out of the train station nearby running toward Keito.
"You're late honey." Keito teased angrily.
"I'm sorry Keito! I caught a cold yesterday walking around without a shirt on..." Hikaru explained.
"Sigh... You dork." Keito chuckled. But with it being so cold, your nipples really perked up, thought Keito and a little buldge formed in his pants.
The two entered the isolated ramen shop and sat down.
"Pork ramen and hot coffee please." Keito ordered.
"Ramen with chili peppers and shrimp please. Oh and ice coffee." Hikaru ordered.
"Dude, you're sick and you still want something spicy? And icy?" Keito whispered worriedly.
"Iiit's oookaaayyy!" Hikaru said like he was drunk. "I'm Hikaru the great! Nothing can withstand moi! Oh I'm so French."
"I'm serious Hikaru, eating spicy things and really cold things can get you more sick than you are now." Keito held Hikaru's frozen shivering hands.
Keito rubbed his hands with Hikaru's and switched his order with Hikaru.
"I'd rather burn my throat and catch a cold with cofee than see you suffer through the Fuyucon with a cold." Keito said dearingly.
Hikaru teared up and nodded hesitantly.
Hikaru scarfed up his food and rubbed his belly like a fat old king of farts. The two left the table and stood at the resturaunt entrance.
"Ahh it's raining... And I didn't bring an umbrella. I don't think you did either babe." Keito sighed. "My hair will get ruined."
Hikaru smiled wickedly, grabbed Keito's hand, and pulled and dashed and raced for Hikaru's house.
They burst through the Yaotome residence's door and bursted upstairs to Hikaru's room. Both sat down on Hikaru's bed panting and coughing of all the running they did.
"That was fun wasn't it? Haha." Hikaru laughed, hoping he made Keito slightly happy rather than worrying about him.
"Yaotome Hikaru! Don't you know running in the rain without an umbrella could weaken your immune system? You'll never get better!" Keito screamed.
The room became silent. Only the faint echos of Keito's scolding remained. Hikaru sat on the bed dumbfounded, staring at Keito's enraged face, at his teary eyes.
Then out of nowhere, Keito leaned into Hikaru and pressing his lips against Hikaru's.
"But even when you're as stupid as a rat, I still like that the fact that you try anything to lighten up the mood."
And that day, no one left the bed and kept it rocking a whole night.
Dirty
It was a sunny saturday afternoon and all of JUMP were resting in their usual practice studio. In fact they were having a little party to celebrate the success of their first few concerts. No adults were around, so the only grown supervision was Yabu.
Tons of party food was served by Johnnny-san himself. Way to spoil them dude.
Unfortunately, Johnny-san's getting a little senile that he can't tell the difference between vodka and water.
"Oi! Stop hogging all the dumplings jackass!" Hikaru shouted at Keito who was hiding mountains of dumplings on several plates.
"Catch me if you can baka!" Keito ran around the room crazily.
The room almost got torn apart because Keito kept bumping into couches and lamps while Hikaru pushed them away trying to clear his Keito-chase pathway.
But it really is a bother when this goes on for what, 2 hours?
Keito finally won in the end because he was eating up all the dumplings while running. Hikaru just got a major exercise. But in the end both got messed up because Keito kept puking up in the bathrooms cause everyone knows you shouldn't run after eating. Heck you shouldn't even run while eating.
Hikaru kept coughing and dying flat on the ground of exaustion.
"Oi... pant pant pant... Yama... da... cough cough... Get me... pant pant... a ... pant pant... glass of... cough cough... water..." He said to Yamada who was passing by a Hikaru carcus. Yamada ran over with a glass of "water" and handed it to Hikaru.
Hikaru drank it quickly and in a mere 2 seconds, the tall glass of water was empty. He tossed the glass at Yamada and demanded for more.
Every glass Yamada brought, Hikaru drank it up in a split second.
"Mou Hikaru-kun, shouldn't you lay off the water? A woman died because of too much water..." Yamada worried.
"Noooneseeense... Teh watah tests so effin' yummahhh!" Hikaru slurred.
"Umm... come again?" Yamada bent down and lowered his ear near Hikaru's mouth. But at that moment, an alcoholic stench rose from Hikaru's breath and Yamada jumped back in horror.
"HOLY CRACK HIKARU'S DRUNK!" Yamada screamed. Everyone fixed their attention on Hikaru. Yabu took a whiff of the glass and came to a conclusion.
"Johnny effed up and gave us vodka not water." Yabu said.
"Ne ne, you guys wanna hear something funny? The other day I dreamt Yamada was getting banged doggy style by Takaki! Ain't dat hilarious? Hahahaaa..." Hikaru slurred again.
Nobody laughed.
"I thought you said nobody was around to see." Yamada whispered through gritted teeth to Takaki. Takaki stood there sweating.
"And you know what?" Hikaru started again, "I also dreamt that... wheee! Flying cows!" Hikaru got up and started flying around the room with his arms up like an airplane.
The rest just stood there dumbfounded.
"I mean I dreamt Chii was 69-ing Ryutaro hahahah. Flying cows how poopy of me. Teehee!" Hikaru laughed and collapsed on the cough of intoxication.
Chinen and Ryutaro blushed bright red.
Who told you to share the tape with anyone??? Ryutaro telepathically told Chinen.
Who told you to record us??? Chinen replied... telepathically.
Suddenly, Hikaru started muttering in his sleep.
"OhhhhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyluckycharmshornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyskittleshornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyfuckmeKeitohornyhornyhornyhornyhorny..."
Suddenly, to the beat of Hikaru's muttering, small buldges formed in everyone's pants.
Ten minutes later, Hikaru's eyes slowly opened and he felt a slight breeze all over his body. He awoke completely and sat up in the couch he collapsed on. He just sat there gawking at the sight.
Inoo and Yabu pressing their bodies together with sweat trickling down their skin, tougnues twisting and turning with each other in midair.
Chinen and Ryutaro having chibi sex in a corner... much like what Hikaru saw on the forbidden tape.
Takaki and Yamada doing it doggy style on a cold hard table. Yamada tugged tight on Takaki's long hair pulling their bodies close together.
Yuto bouncing on top of Daiki hard and loud. Each thud was heard loud and clear which intensified everyone else's boner.
"Yaotome-sama..." a voice whispered into Hikaru's ear. Hikaru whipped his head around and saw Keito's eyes glaring seductively into his eyes. Hikaru moved his center of vision down and down, scanning Keito's completely bare body... until his eyes fixed on Keito's massive "pride" sticking up like a statue.
"Oh crap you sexy beast..." Hikaru's shot right up and the two tackled each other kissing madly and stroking each others' *cough cough* wildly. All kinds of liquid dripped all over the two as they, well, I think you're horny enough to imagine what they did.
おわり！
I haven't written a decent story in months so I'm sorry if this phails completely. I tried to stay away from smut and love and that sort... but C'MON... SMUT IS LIKE, INEVITABLE! :] Please comment!
Author: forte_tsuki
Pairing: misc, try & find them all ;]
Rating: RRR goddammit.
Genre: Crack; small smut
Prompt: #28. 5 times Hikaru failed at being funny --> HSJ-thon
A/N: HSJ-thon prompt. I phail. Plus I haven't posted a fic in what, 3 months? (Damn you high school.)
Whoopie Cushion (Inspired by a pack of whoopie cushions my friend bought me for X'mas.)
Ryutaro sat on a chair in the dressing rooms pulling tissue after tissue out of fifty dozen tissue packs. He blew his snot all over them and tossed them perfectly into the trashcan beside him.
Yabu and Yuto suddenly came in with their duffle bags slung over their shoulder. But they immediately dropped them and rushed to Ryutaro's side rubbing his back and comforting him as much as possible.
"Ryutaro! What's wrong?" Yabu asked dearly.
"Sniff... It's... sniff sniff... Hammy... sniff sniff... HE RAN AWAY!!!" Ryutaro burried his head deep in Yabu's chest and bawled his eyes out crying and screaming.
"What happened to him? I went to your house just yesterday and he was right there in his cage!" Yuto said like he was absolutely sure of it.
"This morning... sniff sniff... I woke up... and fed Hammy... sniff... but after I showered and changed and ate breakfast... THE CAGE WAS OPEN AND HAMMY WAS GONE!" Ryutaro exploded again and hid in Yuto's chest.
"There there, let's go get you some juice fella." Yabu helped Ryutaro off the chair and the three walked out of the room toward the nearest vending machine.
Meanwhile, Hikaru was skipping happily to the dressing rooms in the halls. No really, he was skipping and flapping his arms up and down with a stupid smile on his face. Why? Well, just yesterday, Daiki got him an unbelievably late birthday present and it happened to be what Hikaru was trying to get for the past two years: a giant American whoopie cushion.
He finally arrived at the dressing rooms but no one was in there.
"Eh? Where is everyone?" Hikaru asked himself. He shrugged and sat on the couch. Thirty minutes lagged by and nothing happened. Seriously, nothing happened. Hikaru was just sitting there daydreaming about Keito's abs and chest and muscles and who knows how far that psycho can go.
Suddenly, a thought came into his head. Why not try out the whoopie cushion Daiki gave him?
He dug around in his bag and pulled out the whoopie cushion. He blew it up quickly and made it as puffy as it could be. He set the whoopie cushion on a chair with a trashcan and tissue packs nearby and sat back down on the couch.
Oh boy I can't wait to see the face of whoever sits down on that thing! Hikaru thought.
Suddenly, Ryutaro, Yuto, Yabu, Keito, Chinen, and Inoo walked in surrounding Ryutaro who was sipping away on a juice box still sniffling.
Hikaru is a smart boy. He gets good grades and acts as entertainment and a happy leader for the HSJ. But not in this story he doesn't.
Ryutaro sat back down on the chair unaware of what was on it. As expected, a thunderous PFFPFPFPPFPPFPTTTTJJJJJAJJJJJTTTTOOOOTOOTOTOTPPPPFFJJJAWFALSJKFALKSJDFLAALSFJLDS boomed from the pink balloon looking thing on Ryutaro's chair.
People jumped back and stared at Ryutaro. He got up and lifted up the whoopie cushion.
From behind the crowd of boys, a snicker was heard. Unfortunately that snicker grew into an enormous burst of laughter. Hikaru rolled off the couch and held his stomach because it hurt so goddamn much.
"HOLY CRAP RYUTARO YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN YOUR FACE! IT WAS LIKE OH EM GEE HWAHAHAH!" Hikaru said with tears rolling out of his eyes.
Nobody was laughing but him though. Everyone just glared at Hikaru like he assassinated Obama.
Hikaru's laughing died down in about five minutes and looked oblivious at everyone else.
"Why so serious?" Hikaru asked.
Loser
It was nearing the holidays and Hey!Say!JUMP deserved a day's break from all the hectic-ish-ness-ity having to do with Christmas and New Years. Everyone gathered at Keito's mansion-like-house on a saturday afternoon and discussed what to do and what not to do at their concerts.
"So, is everyone here?" Yabu asked.
"Haaai." Everyone replied sitting in a large circle in the living room.
"Hai, hajimemashou. Ok so fangirls these days like their idols acting cute, sexy, and funny. Let's focus on the funny. We're going to play a game in order to improve our humor. Everyone will take turns making a joke or doing something funny. If you fail to make at least two members crack a smile, you will do a batsu geemu (punishment game). Wakarimashita ka?"
"Yup!" Everyone replied simultaneously.
The game started with Yabu making a joke.
"What has long hair, tiny eyes, and has girls all over it?" Yabu said. Everyone shrugged. "Takaki with no clothes on!" Everyone smiled and Takaki blushed bright red.
Next was Takaki. He held up the peace sign with his two fingers. "This is a boy and a girl." He closed up the space between the two fingers and stuck them together. "They become a couple." He crossed his two fingers. "Now they are married." He made a hole with his other hand and stuck his crossed fingers in and out of the hole. "And this is what happens when someone gets horny." Everyone burst into laughter... except for Ryutaro who was just looking at everyone confused.
Next was Yamada. "What has a long neck, has spots, and has a lot of girls thinking it's cute?"
"A girraffe!" Everyone automatically responded.
"Noo it's Yuto!" Yamada replied. Yuto slapped Yamada playfully and everyone else chuckled.
Next was Chinen. "Why did Tigger look in the toilet?" People shrugged. "To find Pooh!" That was an extreamly lame joke but people still laughed.
Next was Daiki. "What do Asians use as blindfolds?" Again, people shrugged. "Dental floss!" Everyone exploded into laughter and pointed at Keito and Takaki.
"Oh pshh our eyes aren't that small!" Keito exclaimed.
Next was Hikaru. People became proper and got ready for they knew Hikaru was the king of humor and prince of laughs.
Hikaru started. "Ok. So why did the chicken cross the road?" Everyone stayed silent. "To get to the other side!" No one laughed. Not even a small grin. "Eh? Is it not funny? Er, actually I knew it wasn't funny I was hoping someone would get the joke and tell me how it's funny..."
"IT'S TIME FOR HIKARU'S BATSU GEEMU!" Inoo shouted. "Keito, if you please."
Keito whispered something into Hikaru's ears and a cold rush of air crawled up his spine.
The next day, everyone was at the dressing rooms practicing their dancing and singing. Hikaru was a bit late. Or was it that everyone told Hikaru a later time to meet up?
Suddenly, Hikaru rushed into the room with a mask over his mouth, sunglasses, and his hood on.
"Hikaru baby, please take off your mask and glasses and hood." Keito teased.
Hikaru refused to.
"You won't get any tonight." Keito turned his back and scoffed.
Hikaru panicked and slowly uncovered his face. There stood Hikaru with bright blue eye shadow over his eyes, thick mascara, bright pink lipstick, and sparkling pink blush.
Everyone crashed onto the floor laughing their guts out. Keito just stood there thinking. Ya gotta admit, that gets a guy horny.
Seriously
It was the day before their first Fuyucon. Everyone was tense and stiff. What if something went wrong? Oh this was scary for everyone in Hey!Say!JUMP.
We all know how Hikaru's so KY. He can't read the atmosphere to anything. This was an extreamly important time where you should read the atmosphere and NOT do something stupid. Unfortunately... IT'S HIKARU! C'MON!
Anyway, all of JUMP gathered in a circle around the producer in the dressing rooms of the practice studio. Everyone held a packet of paper with information about their first concert.
Aww dude, the atmosphere is so tense here. Isn't everyone a bit negative today? Maybe I should do something... thought Hikaru.
"And so smoke will explode from these four tubes here when you guys enter." The producer said.
"If the stage doesn't catch on fire." Hikaru joked.
Just then, Chinen gasped and clutched Yamada's arm tightly.
"Itetete that hurts Chi!" Yamada yelped. Chinen let go slowly but his teeth still chattered.
"... Umm... okai... then let's move on. Yabu please read the next title and subtitle." Said the producer.
"Opening song: The 10 members will then gather in a circle and sing their first song." Yabu read.
"Yes, that's pretty self explanatory. Be loud and clear guys. Osaka is a rowdy place with rowdy girls so best be louder than you usually sing." Said the producer.
"Indeed, loud enough you'll bust others' eardrums and we'll go out of harmony heheh." Hikaru joked again.
"WHAT? NO. DUDE! WHAT? BUT THEN WE'LL SOUND BAD. AND THEN WE'LL LOSE FANS. AND THEN NOBODY WILL PAY ATTENTION TO US. AND THEN WHO WILL WRITE ALL THE TAKAYAMA FANFICS THEN?" Yamada screamed and collapsed on the floor rocking back and forth shivering.
"No more takayama no more fun. No more takayama no more fun. No more takayama no more fun." Yamada chanted almost crying.
"Hikaru I think you should stop..." Takaki said pitifuly. He looked like he was about to cry too.
"Yes sir." Hikaru responded looking downward.
Date
"ACHOO!" Hikaru sneezed. Oh what a horrible day to get sick. It was the weekend after their first Winter concert. "Ugh, I shouldn't have run around naked around Keito. It's that bitch's fault for not noticing me."
But even so, Hikaru still struggled to get up, get ready, put on nice clothes, and make a date with Keito. But it's not really a date unless the other person thinks it's a date too right?
Suddenly, Hikaru's phone buzzed. It was a message from Keito.
Didn't we agree on 9 AM at Shibuya?
-Keito
Hikaru tilted his head awkwardly.
Yes we did babe. ;] Haha, just kidding. You're not my babe... yet.
-Hikka
Hikaru set his phone down and started changing. His phone buzzed again.
Look at your clock doofus.
-Keito
Hikaru tilted his head again and looked at the clock.
"HOLY SHIT IT'S ALREADY 9!" Hikaru boomed and rushed out the door, forgetting his hat and glasses.
Meanwhile, Keito stood against a rail near a ramen shop trying to poof his hair up when he put his hood up.
Suddenly, a tall weird looking guy, I mean Hikaru, came gushing out of the train station nearby running toward Keito.
"You're late honey." Keito teased angrily.
"I'm sorry Keito! I caught a cold yesterday walking around without a shirt on..." Hikaru explained.
"Sigh... You dork." Keito chuckled. But with it being so cold, your nipples really perked up, thought Keito and a little buldge formed in his pants.
The two entered the isolated ramen shop and sat down.
"Pork ramen and hot coffee please." Keito ordered.
"Ramen with chili peppers and shrimp please. Oh and ice coffee." Hikaru ordered.
"Dude, you're sick and you still want something spicy? And icy?" Keito whispered worriedly.
"Iiit's oookaaayyy!" Hikaru said like he was drunk. "I'm Hikaru the great! Nothing can withstand moi! Oh I'm so French."
"I'm serious Hikaru, eating spicy things and really cold things can get you more sick than you are now." Keito held Hikaru's frozen shivering hands.
Keito rubbed his hands with Hikaru's and switched his order with Hikaru.
"I'd rather burn my throat and catch a cold with cofee than see you suffer through the Fuyucon with a cold." Keito said dearingly.
Hikaru teared up and nodded hesitantly.
Hikaru scarfed up his food and rubbed his belly like a fat old king of farts. The two left the table and stood at the resturaunt entrance.
"Ahh it's raining... And I didn't bring an umbrella. I don't think you did either babe." Keito sighed. "My hair will get ruined."
Hikaru smiled wickedly, grabbed Keito's hand, and pulled and dashed and raced for Hikaru's house.
They burst through the Yaotome residence's door and bursted upstairs to Hikaru's room. Both sat down on Hikaru's bed panting and coughing of all the running they did.
"That was fun wasn't it? Haha." Hikaru laughed, hoping he made Keito slightly happy rather than worrying about him.
"Yaotome Hikaru! Don't you know running in the rain without an umbrella could weaken your immune system? You'll never get better!" Keito screamed.
The room became silent. Only the faint echos of Keito's scolding remained. Hikaru sat on the bed dumbfounded, staring at Keito's enraged face, at his teary eyes.
Then out of nowhere, Keito leaned into Hikaru and pressing his lips against Hikaru's.
"But even when you're as stupid as a rat, I still like that the fact that you try anything to lighten up the mood."
And that day, no one left the bed and kept it rocking a whole night.
Dirty
It was a sunny saturday afternoon and all of JUMP were resting in their usual practice studio. In fact they were having a little party to celebrate the success of their first few concerts. No adults were around, so the only grown supervision was Yabu.
Tons of party food was served by Johnnny-san himself. Way to spoil them dude.
Unfortunately, Johnny-san's getting a little senile that he can't tell the difference between vodka and water.
"Oi! Stop hogging all the dumplings jackass!" Hikaru shouted at Keito who was hiding mountains of dumplings on several plates.
"Catch me if you can baka!" Keito ran around the room crazily.
The room almost got torn apart because Keito kept bumping into couches and lamps while Hikaru pushed them away trying to clear his Keito-chase pathway.
But it really is a bother when this goes on for what, 2 hours?
Keito finally won in the end because he was eating up all the dumplings while running. Hikaru just got a major exercise. But in the end both got messed up because Keito kept puking up in the bathrooms cause everyone knows you shouldn't run after eating. Heck you shouldn't even run while eating.
Hikaru kept coughing and dying flat on the ground of exaustion.
"Oi... pant pant pant... Yama... da... cough cough... Get me... pant pant... a ... pant pant... glass of... cough cough... water..." He said to Yamada who was passing by a Hikaru carcus. Yamada ran over with a glass of "water" and handed it to Hikaru.
Hikaru drank it quickly and in a mere 2 seconds, the tall glass of water was empty. He tossed the glass at Yamada and demanded for more.
Every glass Yamada brought, Hikaru drank it up in a split second.
"Mou Hikaru-kun, shouldn't you lay off the water? A woman died because of too much water..." Yamada worried.
"Noooneseeense... Teh watah tests so effin' yummahhh!" Hikaru slurred.
"Umm... come again?" Yamada bent down and lowered his ear near Hikaru's mouth. But at that moment, an alcoholic stench rose from Hikaru's breath and Yamada jumped back in horror.
"HOLY CRACK HIKARU'S DRUNK!" Yamada screamed. Everyone fixed their attention on Hikaru. Yabu took a whiff of the glass and came to a conclusion.
"Johnny effed up and gave us vodka not water." Yabu said.
"Ne ne, you guys wanna hear something funny? The other day I dreamt Yamada was getting banged doggy style by Takaki! Ain't dat hilarious? Hahahaaa..." Hikaru slurred again.
Nobody laughed.
"I thought you said nobody was around to see." Yamada whispered through gritted teeth to Takaki. Takaki stood there sweating.
"And you know what?" Hikaru started again, "I also dreamt that... wheee! Flying cows!" Hikaru got up and started flying around the room with his arms up like an airplane.
The rest just stood there dumbfounded.
"I mean I dreamt Chii was 69-ing Ryutaro hahahah. Flying cows how poopy of me. Teehee!" Hikaru laughed and collapsed on the cough of intoxication.
Chinen and Ryutaro blushed bright red.
Who told you to share the tape with anyone??? Ryutaro telepathically told Chinen.
Who told you to record us??? Chinen replied... telepathically.
Suddenly, Hikaru started muttering in his sleep.
"OhhhhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyluckycharmshornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyskittleshornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyhornyfuckmeKeitohornyhornyhornyhornyhorny..."
Suddenly, to the beat of Hikaru's muttering, small buldges formed in everyone's pants.
Ten minutes later, Hikaru's eyes slowly opened and he felt a slight breeze all over his body. He awoke completely and sat up in the couch he collapsed on. He just sat there gawking at the sight.
Inoo and Yabu pressing their bodies together with sweat trickling down their skin, tougnues twisting and turning with each other in midair.
Chinen and Ryutaro having chibi sex in a corner... much like what Hikaru saw on the forbidden tape.
Takaki and Yamada doing it doggy style on a cold hard table. Yamada tugged tight on Takaki's long hair pulling their bodies close together.
Yuto bouncing on top of Daiki hard and loud. Each thud was heard loud and clear which intensified everyone else's boner.
"Yaotome-sama..." a voice whispered into Hikaru's ear. Hikaru whipped his head around and saw Keito's eyes glaring seductively into his eyes. Hikaru moved his center of vision down and down, scanning Keito's completely bare body... until his eyes fixed on Keito's massive "pride" sticking up like a statue.
"Oh crap you sexy beast..." Hikaru's shot right up and the two tackled each other kissing madly and stroking each others' *cough cough* wildly. All kinds of liquid dripped all over the two as they, well, I think you're horny enough to imagine what they did.
おわり！
I haven't written a decent story in months so I'm sorry if this phails completely. I tried to stay away from smut and love and that sort... but C'MON... SMUT IS LIKE, INEVITABLE! :] Please comment!