Harness The Fire - Chuck/Blair - Chuck POV - [1/1] - PG-13
Title: Harness The Fire
Author: force-oblique
Rating: PG, PG-13
Disclaimer: I dont own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Chuck/Blair - (Chuck POV)
Spoilers/Warnings: Chuck/Blair relationship mostly S1 but also allusions to S2 promo vids
Word Count: 1.543
Summary: I knew one day you would fly away, having seen me for what I really am. And you would find your prince and it wouldn’t be me. It could never be me….
Author's Notes:It's been a while since I last wrote fiction let alone Gossip Girl-related. But I need to get back on the train somehow, right?
Please be lenient and nice! XD
Dedication: This fic is dedicated to herm-weasley because she posted the promo vids in her lj and it inspired me. Seri this one is for you! <33
Lyrics: Nine Inch Nails - "The Big Come Down"
Crossposted at@ blair-chuck, gossipgirlfic, chuckxbass, gossipfic
Harness The Fire
“You are destroying your own happiness. You are sabotaging yourself. And there’s nothing more stupid than that.”
I’m sure everyone has heard of those lines or something to that effect. Perhaps in a movie or a show or even in real life though I doubt it! Because no one could ever be as dumb as I am.
I am sure you have heard of it in sappy, sad films where the hero loves a girl but is too damn proud or irrational to have the girl know that he loves her, so he leaves and leaves his heart behind.
Is it pride? Is it stupidity or just fate what keeps those two apart?
And does it matter if they had made mistakes or is everything forgiven and forgotten in the fire of their goodbye or their passion?
Can anyone really still hold faith in passion and true love?
{there is a game I play
try to make myself okay
try so hard to make the pieces all fit
smash it apart
just for the fuck of it}
I could never figure that out. Not that I have given it much thought anyways. Never till now.
Now that my whole life is in ruins and passes in front of my eyes, one hideous mistake at a time.
Now that my heart aches and feels as if it has twisted into a knot that will never be released again and forms a dark spot inside my chest, a black hole sucking the rest of me into nothingness…
It killed me that you found out that I was weak, Blair.
That I was just like everyone else. I struggled to be different for you.
I tried to be the man you wanted me to be, the man you deserved but I wasn’t worthy it seems. The closer we got, the more afraid I became.
Afraid that one of those days I would make the mistake of letting too much of myself known to you and you would resent me for it, because you would find out that I am not special or unique.
I am just another guy with faults who would do anything to be loved by anyone and especially by you.
{bye bye oooh
got to get back to the bottom
bye bye oooh
the big come down isn't that what you wanted?
bye bye oooh
find a place with the failed and forgotten
bye bye oooh
isn't that really what you wanted now?}
Because you Blair; you represent everything that’s pure and beautiful and feminine even though you don’t realize it.
I bet you think you are special only because you are rich, don’t you?
I bet you think that there’s nothing more special to you, that’s why you try to stand out. With your clothes, your behavior, your friends.
But the truth is that you would stand out anywhere Blair, just because you are the person that you are.
They don’t call you Queen B for nothing.
There’s a reason and the reason is inside of you, not on your or around you.
It’s not the school or the company….
It’s you!
But I am totally different.
For me it is the school and the company. It is my money and my father.
There’s nothing special in me.
I am just as petty and superficial as any other guy anywhere in the world. And I was so wrong for thinking I could deserve you.
{there is no place I can go there is no way I can hide
it feels like it keeps coming from the inside}
I knew one day you would fly away, having seen me for what I really am.
And you would find your prince and it wouldn’t be me. It could never be me….
I’d let the fire burn steadily inside my chest.
The fire that consumes me and threatens to make its way out.
The fire that burns me from within making me more black and darker than I already am.
The fire that would have scared you away.
{there is a hate that burns within
the most desperate place I have ever been
try to get back to where I'm from
the closer I get the worse it becomes
the closer I get the worse it becomes}
It’s my fault. Everything is my fault.
And the worst part of it is that I can’t complain.
I can’t lay the blame on anyone else but myself.
It would be so easy if I could pretend that it was someone else’s fault, something entirely out of my control.
But I don’t even have that luxury nor the delusion.
I wish there was a scapegoat.
One I can point to, whenever you look at me like that.
Like I have destroyed the only thing that was pure and rewarding in my life.
I wish I could look away from those warm, hazel eyes of yours when you look at me as if I am the single most vile,disgusting and shameful thing you have ever seen in your life, when a few weeks ago I was your whole world and only lover and you were mine.
Could I rewind, turn back time as if it were a tape, as if my life was a movie and I could keep it at a distance, observing it, criticizing it, scrutinizing it as if my mistakes and my losing love one too many times do not mean a thing?
I wonder, is it in my blood? Has being a Bass condemned me for all eternity?
{there is no place I can go there is no way I can hide
it feels like it keeps coming from the inside}
Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life alone with the sole cold company of money and people too hypocritical to say what they really mean?
That they are with you for your money?
Would that be enough? Could anyone ever be satisfied with that and just that?
When I close my eyes at night will my pillow be the only thing I will hug and cherish through the night because everyone else will be gone?
When I need something, someone, will anyone be there just because I asked or will I have to flash my money for it?
And really, is there anything to me beyond that?
If I were poor, would people still like me?
Would I still be popular?
Would people still consider my atrocities and extremities, as a cute mischief of my age and totally excusable?
{there is a hate that burns within
the most desperate place I have ever been
try to get back to where I'm from
the closer I get the worse it becomes
the closer I get the worse it becomes}
Have I made one too many excuses for myself? Am I too lenient on myself for my own good?
Or am I self-destructive? You say I destroyed you, the faith you had in love, in us, in me, even in yourself…
But I never wanted that.
I think I was only trying to destroy myself, because I know I don’t deserve you.
I don’t deserve any of these beautiful things coming my way.
You should know that. I know you already know that.
I don’t know what it was in me that you saw, but I doubt it was the true me.
It probably was what you thought I could be.
It couldn’t have been my true self because my true self is scarier and darker that you could possibly imagine.
My true self doesn’t laugh or smile, he snickers and grins.
I think I only smiled and laughed when I was around you…
My true self can’t see past the surface of things and if he does he backs away.
Just like I did with you.
I saw your beauty and your light and it blinded me so much I got tears in my eyes.
And I was too frightened to go on, it was as if an angel had revealed her wings to me and now I felt unimportant.
My true self doesn’t love because he doesn’t know how to.
He just needs and wants and takes.
I think I only tried to find out what love is and how to love with you.
But it was too hard and I was too clumsy and inexperienced to take it.
I think in the process I couldn’t distinguish between my true self and who I wanted to become anymore.
And now I am all that’s left of both of them.
I am neither good, nor pure evil.
{there is no place I can go there is no way I can hide
it feels like it keeps coming from the inside}
I am tarnished and fragmented and smashed like glass beyond repair.
The image of me in the mirror is not me.
It’s who I want to be, it's who I appear but its deceptive.
I look calm, collected and self assured and confident but if you could see beyond that tricky façade, Blair, you’d notice that I am broken and all my pieces call out your name.
You are the only one who believed in me, who believed that I could be something more than a spoilt brat, a bad boy, attractive enough to pass the time with and nothing more.
No expectation for something deeper or more meaningful like a relationship.
{bye bye oooh
got to get back to the bottom
bye bye oooh
the big come down isn't that what you wanted?
bye bye oooh
find a place with the failed and forgotten
bye bye oooh
isn't that really what you wanted now?}
You considered me to be worthy of your love and affection and devotion but the thought of you deeming me worthy of love scared me.
Shocked me even…
My mom, my dad, they all say they love me, they care for me and look how everything has turned out.
{there is a game I play
try to make myself okay
try so hard to make the pieces all fit
smash it apart
just for the fuck of it}
I never knew love could be something good and amazing…
My father even married a woman he knew loved another man because it was some kind of competition for him.
And she an award, a prize he could show off to his friends.
Like me if I were good enough.
So maybe, just maybe I chose to be that way, a disappointment for him, because then he wouldn’t want to show me off, would he?
Maybe he would try to know me, to understand me and maybe then he would love me. Truly love me....
{there is a hate that burns within
the most desperate place I have ever been
try to get back to where I'm from
the closer I get the worse it becomes
the closer I get the worse it becomes}
Even so, I don’t know if I deserve love Blair, let alone your love.
All I know is that if you let me I will show you I can change.
I can try to harness the fire inside my soul and tame it, direct it to you to keep you warm for all eternity with me….
If you only let me try…..
~Fin ~
If you liked this, other Chuck/Blair ff you might enjoy - > HERE
Comments are <33
Author: force-oblique
Rating: PG, PG-13
Disclaimer: I dont own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Chuck/Blair - (Chuck POV)
Spoilers/Warnings: Chuck/Blair relationship mostly S1 but also allusions to S2 promo vids
Word Count: 1.543
Summary: I knew one day you would fly away, having seen me for what I really am. And you would find your prince and it wouldn’t be me. It could never be me….
Author's Notes:It's been a while since I last wrote fiction let alone Gossip Girl-related. But I need to get back on the train somehow, right?
Please be lenient and nice! XD
Dedication: This fic is dedicated to herm-weasley because she posted the promo vids in her lj and it inspired me. Seri this one is for you! <33
Lyrics: Nine Inch Nails - "The Big Come Down"
Crossposted at@ blair-chuck, gossipgirlfic, chuckxbass, gossipfic
Harness The Fire
“You are destroying your own happiness. You are sabotaging yourself. And there’s nothing more stupid than that.”
I’m sure everyone has heard of those lines or something to that effect. Perhaps in a movie or a show or even in real life though I doubt it! Because no one could ever be as dumb as I am.
I am sure you have heard of it in sappy, sad films where the hero loves a girl but is too damn proud or irrational to have the girl know that he loves her, so he leaves and leaves his heart behind.
Is it pride? Is it stupidity or just fate what keeps those two apart?
And does it matter if they had made mistakes or is everything forgiven and forgotten in the fire of their goodbye or their passion?
Can anyone really still hold faith in passion and true love?
{there is a game I play
try to make myself okay
try so hard to make the pieces all fit
smash it apart
just for the fuck of it}
I could never figure that out. Not that I have given it much thought anyways. Never till now.
Now that my whole life is in ruins and passes in front of my eyes, one hideous mistake at a time.
Now that my heart aches and feels as if it has twisted into a knot that will never be released again and forms a dark spot inside my chest, a black hole sucking the rest of me into nothingness…
It killed me that you found out that I was weak, Blair.
That I was just like everyone else. I struggled to be different for you.
I tried to be the man you wanted me to be, the man you deserved but I wasn’t worthy it seems. The closer we got, the more afraid I became.
Afraid that one of those days I would make the mistake of letting too much of myself known to you and you would resent me for it, because you would find out that I am not special or unique.
I am just another guy with faults who would do anything to be loved by anyone and especially by you.
{bye bye oooh
got to get back to the bottom
bye bye oooh
the big come down isn't that what you wanted?
bye bye oooh
find a place with the failed and forgotten
bye bye oooh
isn't that really what you wanted now?}
Because you Blair; you represent everything that’s pure and beautiful and feminine even though you don’t realize it.
I bet you think you are special only because you are rich, don’t you?
I bet you think that there’s nothing more special to you, that’s why you try to stand out. With your clothes, your behavior, your friends.
But the truth is that you would stand out anywhere Blair, just because you are the person that you are.
They don’t call you Queen B for nothing.
There’s a reason and the reason is inside of you, not on your or around you.
It’s not the school or the company….
It’s you!
But I am totally different.
For me it is the school and the company. It is my money and my father.
There’s nothing special in me.
I am just as petty and superficial as any other guy anywhere in the world. And I was so wrong for thinking I could deserve you.
{there is no place I can go there is no way I can hide
it feels like it keeps coming from the inside}
I knew one day you would fly away, having seen me for what I really am.
And you would find your prince and it wouldn’t be me. It could never be me….
I’d let the fire burn steadily inside my chest.
The fire that consumes me and threatens to make its way out.
The fire that burns me from within making me more black and darker than I already am.
The fire that would have scared you away.
{there is a hate that burns within
the most desperate place I have ever been
try to get back to where I'm from
the closer I get the worse it becomes
the closer I get the worse it becomes}
It’s my fault. Everything is my fault.
And the worst part of it is that I can’t complain.
I can’t lay the blame on anyone else but myself.
It would be so easy if I could pretend that it was someone else’s fault, something entirely out of my control.
But I don’t even have that luxury nor the delusion.
I wish there was a scapegoat.
One I can point to, whenever you look at me like that.
Like I have destroyed the only thing that was pure and rewarding in my life.
I wish I could look away from those warm, hazel eyes of yours when you look at me as if I am the single most vile,disgusting and shameful thing you have ever seen in your life, when a few weeks ago I was your whole world and only lover and you were mine.
Could I rewind, turn back time as if it were a tape, as if my life was a movie and I could keep it at a distance, observing it, criticizing it, scrutinizing it as if my mistakes and my losing love one too many times do not mean a thing?
I wonder, is it in my blood? Has being a Bass condemned me for all eternity?
{there is no place I can go there is no way I can hide
it feels like it keeps coming from the inside}
Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life alone with the sole cold company of money and people too hypocritical to say what they really mean?
That they are with you for your money?
Would that be enough? Could anyone ever be satisfied with that and just that?
When I close my eyes at night will my pillow be the only thing I will hug and cherish through the night because everyone else will be gone?
When I need something, someone, will anyone be there just because I asked or will I have to flash my money for it?
And really, is there anything to me beyond that?
If I were poor, would people still like me?
Would I still be popular?
Would people still consider my atrocities and extremities, as a cute mischief of my age and totally excusable?
{there is a hate that burns within
the most desperate place I have ever been
try to get back to where I'm from
the closer I get the worse it becomes
the closer I get the worse it becomes}
Have I made one too many excuses for myself? Am I too lenient on myself for my own good?
Or am I self-destructive? You say I destroyed you, the faith you had in love, in us, in me, even in yourself…
But I never wanted that.
I think I was only trying to destroy myself, because I know I don’t deserve you.
I don’t deserve any of these beautiful things coming my way.
You should know that. I know you already know that.
I don’t know what it was in me that you saw, but I doubt it was the true me.
It probably was what you thought I could be.
It couldn’t have been my true self because my true self is scarier and darker that you could possibly imagine.
My true self doesn’t laugh or smile, he snickers and grins.
I think I only smiled and laughed when I was around you…
My true self can’t see past the surface of things and if he does he backs away.
Just like I did with you.
I saw your beauty and your light and it blinded me so much I got tears in my eyes.
And I was too frightened to go on, it was as if an angel had revealed her wings to me and now I felt unimportant.
My true self doesn’t love because he doesn’t know how to.
He just needs and wants and takes.
I think I only tried to find out what love is and how to love with you.
But it was too hard and I was too clumsy and inexperienced to take it.
I think in the process I couldn’t distinguish between my true self and who I wanted to become anymore.
And now I am all that’s left of both of them.
I am neither good, nor pure evil.
{there is no place I can go there is no way I can hide
it feels like it keeps coming from the inside}
I am tarnished and fragmented and smashed like glass beyond repair.
The image of me in the mirror is not me.
It’s who I want to be, it's who I appear but its deceptive.
I look calm, collected and self assured and confident but if you could see beyond that tricky façade, Blair, you’d notice that I am broken and all my pieces call out your name.
You are the only one who believed in me, who believed that I could be something more than a spoilt brat, a bad boy, attractive enough to pass the time with and nothing more.
No expectation for something deeper or more meaningful like a relationship.
{bye bye oooh
got to get back to the bottom
bye bye oooh
the big come down isn't that what you wanted?
bye bye oooh
find a place with the failed and forgotten
bye bye oooh
isn't that really what you wanted now?}
You considered me to be worthy of your love and affection and devotion but the thought of you deeming me worthy of love scared me.
Shocked me even…
My mom, my dad, they all say they love me, they care for me and look how everything has turned out.
{there is a game I play
try to make myself okay
try so hard to make the pieces all fit
smash it apart
just for the fuck of it}
I never knew love could be something good and amazing…
My father even married a woman he knew loved another man because it was some kind of competition for him.
And she an award, a prize he could show off to his friends.
Like me if I were good enough.
So maybe, just maybe I chose to be that way, a disappointment for him, because then he wouldn’t want to show me off, would he?
Maybe he would try to know me, to understand me and maybe then he would love me. Truly love me....
{there is a hate that burns within
the most desperate place I have ever been
try to get back to where I'm from
the closer I get the worse it becomes
the closer I get the worse it becomes}
Even so, I don’t know if I deserve love Blair, let alone your love.
All I know is that if you let me I will show you I can change.
I can try to harness the fire inside my soul and tame it, direct it to you to keep you warm for all eternity with me….
If you only let me try…..
~Fin ~
If you liked this, other Chuck/Blair ff you might enjoy - > HERE
Comments are <33