The second line is throwing me; Almost makes it seem to have a different slant than the rest. The emotions I'm picking up are threatening, but at the same time, depressing...hopeless. Though it's well done, it's uncomfortable to read. *squirms*
i see what you're saying, but, if i read it to you it would make more sense. there's a definite beat to it when i hear it in my head, and the second line is sort of like a measure in a different time signature.
the emotions woven into the poem are threatening, so you're picking up the right ones. it's very bottom-of-the-bucket cynical. angry. and it's only uncomfortable for you because you once thought it was to you. :*
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the emotions woven into the poem are threatening, so you're picking up the right ones. it's very bottom-of-the-bucket cynical. angry. and it's only uncomfortable for you because you once thought it was to you. :*
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