(no subject)
Title: My Little Secret
Author:
football_girl
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Rating: R
Word count: 3,199
Warnings: Explicit sexual nature.
This was written for the amazing multi-fandom slash exchange community,
slashfest. The request was made by
lovebuggin and went as follows:
Summary/Request: Remus slowly realizes he is having sexual thoughts/ideas/fantasies about his best friend. Sirius runs away from home to stay with Remus. Awkwardness, humor, etc. SMUT SMUT SMUT. First times! Length is good too, by the way.
~
The first time Remus realized that he had feelings for his best friend was in their second year, just before they had actually become best friends. At that time, Sirius Black and James Potter were notorious throughout the school already, and of course Remus had heard of them, but he highly doubted that either James or Sirius knew of his existence.
Remus was always a quiet child and a great student. He tried his best to stay away from people as much as possible, considering that the secret about himself that he carried was too heavy to share with anyone. Sirius Black, however, enticed Remus from the very first moment that they had a class together in first year. He was everything Remus could not and was afraid to be. He observed him from afar - the way he could just get along with everyone, the way he could stand up for himself and anyone in need, and the way trouble just seemed to follow him wherever he went.
In their second year Transfiguration class, McGonagall had seated them together, knowing that Remus was the best candidate for not being sucked into Sirius’s schemes. Sirius barely ever even turned to Remus - only sometimes, to copy the homework. At some point, Sirius did make an honest attempt to engage Remus in his mischief in class, but, no matter how much Remus wanted to be friendly, he just wasn’t sure how.
It all changed on April Fools Day. Remus had stayed in the library until late, studying. Truth be told, he was almost scared of April Fools, because he knew what an easy target he was for practical jokes, and tried to keep a low profile on that day. The moment he walked into the common room, however, he had just enough time to see everybody in the house assembled there, before being grabbed roughly by the collar and snogged the pants off of. Surprisingly, numb with shock and confusion, all Remus could really think about was what an amazing kisser the girl who was kissing him was. He was surprised that his knees managed not to cave.
He realized that it wasn’t a girl at all when Sirius pulled back to the deafening hooting and applauding of the rest of their house-mates.
“We’re playing Truth or Dare, mate,” Sirius announced, wiping his mouth off with his hand and grinning like nothing happened. “Come, play with us and stop looking so loopy.”
That night was the beginning of their friendship, but that was not what Remus remembered most when he thought about it. For Remus, it was the beginning of something much, much more, though Remus didn’t realize that until much, much later.
~
In the end of sixth year, when those kinds of thoughts were long forgotten and Remus was in a happy relationship with a fellow prefect, Diane, something happened that threw off the balance and the positive energy in their little group. Sirius was disowned and left home, never to return there. He had been telling his friends for years how much he hated his family, and how much he just didn’t fit in there, and finally, after a particularly amazing year at Hogwarts, Sirius just couldn’t find it in him to go back to the hell he was forced to call home.
They were all four in the coupe of the Hogwarts express when Sirius had told them that, and they stared at him, mouths agape, not knowing what to say or do.
“Well, geez, what are you going to do, then, Padfoot?” James asked, after what seemed like an eternity of silence.
“Donno.” Sirius shrugged and grinned, though Remus could immediately see that for once, the grin was not sincere. “I could always spend the summer as a dog, right? Get some sucky little kid to pick me up and adopt me for the summer. I guess I could get used to dog food. I heard it’s good for digestion.”
“Padfoot, you know I’d ask you to stay with me,” James mumbled apologetically, looking out the window, “but my family is leaving to France this summer, and they’re dragging me with them, of course. But I definitely hate the idea of you living nowhere and eating dog food, Padfoot.”
Remus looked from James to Sirius. The only reason he didn’t offer yet was because he was certain James would. The two of them were, after all, closer to each other than anyone else in the group. Sometimes, Remus felt spiteful about it, though he didn’t know why. In their dorm, he was aware many-a-night of the two of then whispering to each other, and he always strained hard to hear what they were talking about and what they were doing, staying up late, chatting in one bed. For some unexplainable reason, he always thought the worst.
“I think you should come live with me,” he blurted out suddenly.
The three boys turned to look at him with surprise. He sure didn’t mean it to come up as it did, but it was too late now, so he tried desperately to save face. “I mean… You know I have a very small house, Padfoot, and my parents are a bit overprotective, though that’s surely understandable, but you’re welcome to stay. We can share my room. It’s better than the street.”
Sirius looked thoughtful for a minute, and then slid closer to Remus and put his arm around him. It was something he did to his friends quite often when he was overcome with fondness, but every time he did it to Remus, Remus's insides seemed to flip. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t want to think about it, so he made it a habit to push Sirius away as fast as possible.
“Thanks, buddy!” Sirius grinned and ruffled Remus’s hair. “I’m sure you and I are going to have a blast this summer.”
~
Remus’s parents seemed a bit apprehensive at first, but Sirius quickly put them at ease with his sweet talk and jokes. Once Sirius won Remus’s mother over, it was a sealed deal. She knew that Sirius was aware of Remus’s “condition” and didn’t mind it, and that mattered a lot to her.
Remus’s room was small and mostly taken up by a huge bed and a huge table. The bed was one of the luxuries that Remus allowed himself and treasured, and the big table was required to hold all of Remus’s school books, papers, essays, and equipment.
“Wow, this is great!” Sirius spread his hands and jumped on Remus’s bed.
“Well, it’s about five times smaller than the room you had at home,” Remus reminded him modestly. He knew that Sirius came from an extraordinary rich family, and was quite nervous bringing him into his own humble abode. Also, Sirius was the first person ever to stay at or even visit Remus’s house, and that didn't help either.
“This is much better than my room,” Sirius assured him. “It’s welcoming here, and light. My window at home faced the family cemetery grounds.” He wrinkled his nose and shook his head. Then, grinning, he grabbed Remus’s hand and pulled him down on the bed. “This is some bed, eh, Moony? We’ll fit onto it quite comfortably.”
“You mean…” Remus swallowed and cursed himself for sounding like a little shy boy. “You mean you want to sleep here? On… My bed… With me?”
“Well, it doesn’t look like there is any other option, unless you want me to sleep on the table.” Sirius poked Remus in the ribs and giggled - one of the rare unmanly things he did. “We should be fine as long as you don’t make a move on me.”
Remus was not James. Sirius and James joked with each other in that manner quite often, and were both able to laugh it off. Remus… was different.
“I… I won’t,” he replied awkwardly, and Sirius’s smile melted off his face in an instant.
“Moony,” Sirius started unsurely, “I was joking about… You know. I didn’t mean it. Unless you-”
“No, of course!” Remus jumped off the bed and was out of the room at lightning speed. “Mum’s calling down for supper!”
~
Remus didn’t know what was wrong with him. The first night that they shared a bed, he lay there for hours, trying to get to sleep and failing. Sirius had a habit of snoring, but that was not what kept Remus up. It was the fact that Sirius also had a habit of making strange noises in his sleep that faintly resembled moans, and spreading his arms and legs all over the bed.
When Remus first felt Sirius’s hand around his waist, he broke out into cold sweat. He didn’t know why, really. There was nothing extraordinary about it. They had slept side by side before in the Screeching Shack. After a tough night all four of them woke up tangled up, exhausted, bruised, and close to naked. It was never a big deal.
Except lately something started to change. Remus didn’t mind when Peter or James touched him - shook his hand, ruffled his hair, or just put their arms around his neck to give him a noogie - but if it was Sirius, Remus felt something he was sure were the “butterflies in the stomach” that many romance books that he encountered talked about. Even his girlfriend didn’t make him feel that way, and he was sure that if anyone did, it should be her.
Sirius didn’t help any of that by being so comfortable and so open. He didn’t think anything of walking straight from the showers and into the dormitories completely naked, and dry and clothe himself in front of his roommates. Remus found himself blushing deep read and averting his eyes every time that happened, while nobody else found it uncomfortable or strange. He definitely did not fancy his best male friend. But was it possible?
That question was easily answered by Sirius’s next move. He had rolled onto his side, and his hand fell a little off Remus’s waist, ending up just inches below Remus's belly button, and too close to certain areas for comfort. Remus rolled his eyes and tried to throw his friend’s hand off of him, but realized with horror that his body was responding in the most unexpected fashion. Putting his own hand beside Sirius’s, he was assured that he had the biggest hard-on he had ever had.
“Fuck,” Remus whispered to himself. This wasn’t happening.
“It seems that is exactly what you want us to do, Moony.”
The voice startled Remus so much that he nearly fell off the bed. Sirius's strong grip on his waist was the only thing that saved him a sure bruise. By the sound of his voice, Sirius definitely wasn’t sleeping all of that time, so Remus could not hope to convince him that he just dreamed it up. Besides, no matter how hard he tried to send threatening messages in his erection’s direction, it refused to cease.
Sirius’s breath on the back of his neck was rugged and irregular. He had forced Remus to turn onto his back, and was now staring into his face.
“Padfoot…”
Remus didn’t know exactly what to say. Asking Sirius to stop would ne hypocritical. It was blatantly obvious that that was not what Remus wanted.
“You don’t want me?” Sirius asked, running his fingertips over Remus’s chest.
It would be a lie to reply that he didn’t. It would be a lie to deny that Remus thought about Sirius in a way that a friend thinks about a friend. It would definitely be a lie to say that every time Remus saw Sirius in the showers in school, it didn't take all his efforts to convince himself that he wasn’t imagining Sirius’s cock rubbing against his own. And it would also be a lie that whenever he kissed Diane he never had to fight the overbearing image of Sirius’s face.
It was just… wrong, though. They were great friends, and no matter what Remus felt, he couldn’t let anything get in the way of that. If he allowed Sirius to suck him in to this mischief, there would be no way back, and there was no way of knowing what it would mean for the two of them.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, knocking Sirius’s hands away and getting out of bed. “I just can’t… We just can’t.”
Sirius didn’t stop him or say oa word. He didn’t follow Remus downstairs and to the kitchen, either. He turned on his back and pretended to go to sleep. Remus spent his night on the couch, cursing himself and wandering what it was going to take to make it all alright again.
~
It was shocking, but the next two weeks had passed like absolutely nothing happened. Remus couldn’t believe it. There were a lot of awkward moments, but all in all, Sirius acted like nothing had happened. At times Remus even considered that perhaps the whole thing had been a dream, and he was just being insane.
The real reason, of course, Remus knew, was Sirius’s pride. Sirius really put himself on the line and in the end, it was Remus who rejected Sirius, not the other way around, as it should have been. Rejection was not something that Sirius dealt with well or was even very familiar with. Especially not from people that he was sure actually fancied him.
Remus felt guilty. Everything was his fault. He felt like he almost led Sirius on and then made a fool of him. In a way, maybe he did.
It was harder for them to talk now. Even though Sirius pretended he had moved on, it was obvious that he had not. He was overenthusiastic every time he talked to Remus, and he seemed to fall asleep plastered against the wall as far from Remus as possible and as soon as his head hit the pillow.
They played Quidditch, they talked, they laughed, they did homework, but it was just not the same. Remus knew that it was up to him - the mature one - to fix it, and the only way to do that would be to talk about it. He had no idea how to bring it up, though. Sometimes, he doubted he would ever be able to, and then they’d never get over it.
Finally, one night, when they were in bed, and Sirius was fake-snoring as usual, Remus decided to step up.
“Padfoot?” Sirius made no response, but his snoring immidiately ceased. “Padfoot, you know we have to talk about it sooner or later, so we better get it over with already.” He sighed when again there was no response. “Please?”
Sirius turned around abruptly. His eyes were shining with anger and bitterness, and it was evident that he was let show what he actually felt about the whole situation.
“Moony, you really are confusing, you know that?” he blurted, slamming his fist on the bed. “No!” he growled when Remus opened his mouth to soothe and respond. “Hear me out now - you owe me that much. Don't you realize I've noticed decades ago the way you look at me? The way you stare at my cock when I’m naked, and the way you shrink away from my touch?” Remus looked away from Sirius’s gaze. He should’ve figured Sirius would notice, but, for some reason, the thought never even crossed him mind. “Geez, that bookworm you’re going out with might as well be a doorknob to you, considering how much you actually give a damn about her! I'd bet anything you imagine my face when you snog her!”
“I’m sorry,” Remus mumbled. The reasonable soliloquy that he was preparing for this conversation had vanished from his mind, and all of a sudden he had nothing to say.
“Moony.” Sirius seemed to soften at his friend’s confusion and sadness, and his voice almost sounded endearing. “Look at me, Moony.” He caught Remus's chin with his hand and forced him to look up. “Moony, I don’t want your pretty reasonable words and your wise comments on the situation. I know whatever you say will be right, but I don’t want to hear what is right. I want to do what feels right. Now please, tell me, do you want me? Do you fancy me?” His hand slipped down to Remus’s chest and started tracing circles. “Do you want this?”
The voice of reason that lived in Remus’s head seemed to die at those words. He tried to fight his instincts, but he just couldn't. He nodded his head almost unnoticeably, but Sirius saw. With a low growl, his hand slipped into Remus’s hair and pulled his head forward. The kiss was almost painful. Sirius lost no time in practically throwing Remus down on the bed and literally tearing off both of their boxers.
The moment their cocks finally touched, Remus nearly came there and then, but the contact was almost immediately interrupted by Sirius sliding down his body, kissing, licking, and biting. His tongue was tracing every single one of Remus's scars. Sirius’s growls and Remus’s moans and gasps filled the room. Somewhere at the back of his mind, Remus was eternally thankful that his parents’ room was downstairs and at the other side of the house.
“What do you want me to do?” Sirius whispered into Remus’s stomach, suddenly stopping. Remus moaned inaudibly. “Tell me, Moony, or I’ll stop.”
Remus gasped at the thought of this ever ending. It felt right and there was no one in the world that Remus would rather have doing all those things to him than Sirius. He remembered a rather vivid dream he had once about Sirius, and forced himself to put it into words.
“Take it into your mouth,” he whispered quietly, almost choking on his own words.
“I don’t think I got that.” Remus could feel Sirius smirk into his stomach. “Let me hear it, Moony.”
“Gooddamnittakeitintoyourmouth!!!” Remus breathed out loudly. It took an enormous effort from him to be able to say all those crude things out loud, and Sirius was enjoying making him do that.
Before he could think about his inhibitions, Sirius’s warm lips closed around his cock, and then immidiately withdrew. Remus was going to beg, scream, moan, shout something, but nothing came out of his mouth. Sirius remained motionless, however, as he tapped Remus’s stomach expectantly.
“Please,” Remus moaned. He'd give Sirius exactly what he wanted. Everything and anything he wanted, actually. “Please, Padfoot, please.”
“You’re too good at that word,” Sirius growled, and started sliding his tongue up and down Remus’s shaft, licking the head when he reached the top, and kissing the balls when he reached the bottom.
All Remus could do was clutch the sheets and rock his hips desperately, trying not to scream from the river of pleasure that was flooding and drowning him. Sirius was teasing him. Going much slower than Remus could handle, but even that was driving him over the edge. He wanted to prolong it, but he couldn’t. He could feel his balls tighten, and could sense the familiar feel in his stomach.
“I’m going to…”
Sirius removed his mouth and replaced it with his hand. The sudden change in pressure did it. Remus released with a moan, his body jerking up and then falling down almost unconscious onto the bed.
Sirius smiled and slid up to lie beside Remus. He gathered Remus into his chest and held him during his orgasm spasms. It was evident that Remus had never experienced something quite like that before. His hand limply reached for Sirius’s cock, but Sirius intercepted it.
“Moony, just enjoy this,” Sirius said with obvious pride in his voice. "Don't worry about me."
“But…”
“We have two months together.”
It was enough to let Remus know that he’d have enough time to pay Sirius back for the best orgasm of his life and then some.
Sirius was right. That summer was definitely going to be a blast.
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Author:
football_girl
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Rating: R
Word count: 3,199
Warnings: Explicit sexual nature.
This was written for the amazing multi-fandom slash exchange community,
slashfest. The request was made by
lovebuggin and went as follows:
Summary/Request: Remus slowly realizes he is having sexual thoughts/ideas/fantasies about his best friend. Sirius runs away from home to stay with Remus. Awkwardness, humor, etc. SMUT SMUT SMUT. First times! Length is good too, by the way.
~
The first time Remus realized that he had feelings for his best friend was in their second year, just before they had actually become best friends. At that time, Sirius Black and James Potter were notorious throughout the school already, and of course Remus had heard of them, but he highly doubted that either James or Sirius knew of his existence.
Remus was always a quiet child and a great student. He tried his best to stay away from people as much as possible, considering that the secret about himself that he carried was too heavy to share with anyone. Sirius Black, however, enticed Remus from the very first moment that they had a class together in first year. He was everything Remus could not and was afraid to be. He observed him from afar - the way he could just get along with everyone, the way he could stand up for himself and anyone in need, and the way trouble just seemed to follow him wherever he went.
In their second year Transfiguration class, McGonagall had seated them together, knowing that Remus was the best candidate for not being sucked into Sirius’s schemes. Sirius barely ever even turned to Remus - only sometimes, to copy the homework. At some point, Sirius did make an honest attempt to engage Remus in his mischief in class, but, no matter how much Remus wanted to be friendly, he just wasn’t sure how.
It all changed on April Fools Day. Remus had stayed in the library until late, studying. Truth be told, he was almost scared of April Fools, because he knew what an easy target he was for practical jokes, and tried to keep a low profile on that day. The moment he walked into the common room, however, he had just enough time to see everybody in the house assembled there, before being grabbed roughly by the collar and snogged the pants off of. Surprisingly, numb with shock and confusion, all Remus could really think about was what an amazing kisser the girl who was kissing him was. He was surprised that his knees managed not to cave.
He realized that it wasn’t a girl at all when Sirius pulled back to the deafening hooting and applauding of the rest of their house-mates.
“We’re playing Truth or Dare, mate,” Sirius announced, wiping his mouth off with his hand and grinning like nothing happened. “Come, play with us and stop looking so loopy.”
That night was the beginning of their friendship, but that was not what Remus remembered most when he thought about it. For Remus, it was the beginning of something much, much more, though Remus didn’t realize that until much, much later.
~
In the end of sixth year, when those kinds of thoughts were long forgotten and Remus was in a happy relationship with a fellow prefect, Diane, something happened that threw off the balance and the positive energy in their little group. Sirius was disowned and left home, never to return there. He had been telling his friends for years how much he hated his family, and how much he just didn’t fit in there, and finally, after a particularly amazing year at Hogwarts, Sirius just couldn’t find it in him to go back to the hell he was forced to call home.
They were all four in the coupe of the Hogwarts express when Sirius had told them that, and they stared at him, mouths agape, not knowing what to say or do.
“Well, geez, what are you going to do, then, Padfoot?” James asked, after what seemed like an eternity of silence.
“Donno.” Sirius shrugged and grinned, though Remus could immediately see that for once, the grin was not sincere. “I could always spend the summer as a dog, right? Get some sucky little kid to pick me up and adopt me for the summer. I guess I could get used to dog food. I heard it’s good for digestion.”
“Padfoot, you know I’d ask you to stay with me,” James mumbled apologetically, looking out the window, “but my family is leaving to France this summer, and they’re dragging me with them, of course. But I definitely hate the idea of you living nowhere and eating dog food, Padfoot.”
Remus looked from James to Sirius. The only reason he didn’t offer yet was because he was certain James would. The two of them were, after all, closer to each other than anyone else in the group. Sometimes, Remus felt spiteful about it, though he didn’t know why. In their dorm, he was aware many-a-night of the two of then whispering to each other, and he always strained hard to hear what they were talking about and what they were doing, staying up late, chatting in one bed. For some unexplainable reason, he always thought the worst.
“I think you should come live with me,” he blurted out suddenly.
The three boys turned to look at him with surprise. He sure didn’t mean it to come up as it did, but it was too late now, so he tried desperately to save face. “I mean… You know I have a very small house, Padfoot, and my parents are a bit overprotective, though that’s surely understandable, but you’re welcome to stay. We can share my room. It’s better than the street.”
Sirius looked thoughtful for a minute, and then slid closer to Remus and put his arm around him. It was something he did to his friends quite often when he was overcome with fondness, but every time he did it to Remus, Remus's insides seemed to flip. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t want to think about it, so he made it a habit to push Sirius away as fast as possible.
“Thanks, buddy!” Sirius grinned and ruffled Remus’s hair. “I’m sure you and I are going to have a blast this summer.”
~
Remus’s parents seemed a bit apprehensive at first, but Sirius quickly put them at ease with his sweet talk and jokes. Once Sirius won Remus’s mother over, it was a sealed deal. She knew that Sirius was aware of Remus’s “condition” and didn’t mind it, and that mattered a lot to her.
Remus’s room was small and mostly taken up by a huge bed and a huge table. The bed was one of the luxuries that Remus allowed himself and treasured, and the big table was required to hold all of Remus’s school books, papers, essays, and equipment.
“Wow, this is great!” Sirius spread his hands and jumped on Remus’s bed.
“Well, it’s about five times smaller than the room you had at home,” Remus reminded him modestly. He knew that Sirius came from an extraordinary rich family, and was quite nervous bringing him into his own humble abode. Also, Sirius was the first person ever to stay at or even visit Remus’s house, and that didn't help either.
“This is much better than my room,” Sirius assured him. “It’s welcoming here, and light. My window at home faced the family cemetery grounds.” He wrinkled his nose and shook his head. Then, grinning, he grabbed Remus’s hand and pulled him down on the bed. “This is some bed, eh, Moony? We’ll fit onto it quite comfortably.”
“You mean…” Remus swallowed and cursed himself for sounding like a little shy boy. “You mean you want to sleep here? On… My bed… With me?”
“Well, it doesn’t look like there is any other option, unless you want me to sleep on the table.” Sirius poked Remus in the ribs and giggled - one of the rare unmanly things he did. “We should be fine as long as you don’t make a move on me.”
Remus was not James. Sirius and James joked with each other in that manner quite often, and were both able to laugh it off. Remus… was different.
“I… I won’t,” he replied awkwardly, and Sirius’s smile melted off his face in an instant.
“Moony,” Sirius started unsurely, “I was joking about… You know. I didn’t mean it. Unless you-”
“No, of course!” Remus jumped off the bed and was out of the room at lightning speed. “Mum’s calling down for supper!”
~
Remus didn’t know what was wrong with him. The first night that they shared a bed, he lay there for hours, trying to get to sleep and failing. Sirius had a habit of snoring, but that was not what kept Remus up. It was the fact that Sirius also had a habit of making strange noises in his sleep that faintly resembled moans, and spreading his arms and legs all over the bed.
When Remus first felt Sirius’s hand around his waist, he broke out into cold sweat. He didn’t know why, really. There was nothing extraordinary about it. They had slept side by side before in the Screeching Shack. After a tough night all four of them woke up tangled up, exhausted, bruised, and close to naked. It was never a big deal.
Except lately something started to change. Remus didn’t mind when Peter or James touched him - shook his hand, ruffled his hair, or just put their arms around his neck to give him a noogie - but if it was Sirius, Remus felt something he was sure were the “butterflies in the stomach” that many romance books that he encountered talked about. Even his girlfriend didn’t make him feel that way, and he was sure that if anyone did, it should be her.
Sirius didn’t help any of that by being so comfortable and so open. He didn’t think anything of walking straight from the showers and into the dormitories completely naked, and dry and clothe himself in front of his roommates. Remus found himself blushing deep read and averting his eyes every time that happened, while nobody else found it uncomfortable or strange. He definitely did not fancy his best male friend. But was it possible?
That question was easily answered by Sirius’s next move. He had rolled onto his side, and his hand fell a little off Remus’s waist, ending up just inches below Remus's belly button, and too close to certain areas for comfort. Remus rolled his eyes and tried to throw his friend’s hand off of him, but realized with horror that his body was responding in the most unexpected fashion. Putting his own hand beside Sirius’s, he was assured that he had the biggest hard-on he had ever had.
“Fuck,” Remus whispered to himself. This wasn’t happening.
“It seems that is exactly what you want us to do, Moony.”
The voice startled Remus so much that he nearly fell off the bed. Sirius's strong grip on his waist was the only thing that saved him a sure bruise. By the sound of his voice, Sirius definitely wasn’t sleeping all of that time, so Remus could not hope to convince him that he just dreamed it up. Besides, no matter how hard he tried to send threatening messages in his erection’s direction, it refused to cease.
Sirius’s breath on the back of his neck was rugged and irregular. He had forced Remus to turn onto his back, and was now staring into his face.
“Padfoot…”
Remus didn’t know exactly what to say. Asking Sirius to stop would ne hypocritical. It was blatantly obvious that that was not what Remus wanted.
“You don’t want me?” Sirius asked, running his fingertips over Remus’s chest.
It would be a lie to reply that he didn’t. It would be a lie to deny that Remus thought about Sirius in a way that a friend thinks about a friend. It would definitely be a lie to say that every time Remus saw Sirius in the showers in school, it didn't take all his efforts to convince himself that he wasn’t imagining Sirius’s cock rubbing against his own. And it would also be a lie that whenever he kissed Diane he never had to fight the overbearing image of Sirius’s face.
It was just… wrong, though. They were great friends, and no matter what Remus felt, he couldn’t let anything get in the way of that. If he allowed Sirius to suck him in to this mischief, there would be no way back, and there was no way of knowing what it would mean for the two of them.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, knocking Sirius’s hands away and getting out of bed. “I just can’t… We just can’t.”
Sirius didn’t stop him or say oa word. He didn’t follow Remus downstairs and to the kitchen, either. He turned on his back and pretended to go to sleep. Remus spent his night on the couch, cursing himself and wandering what it was going to take to make it all alright again.
~
It was shocking, but the next two weeks had passed like absolutely nothing happened. Remus couldn’t believe it. There were a lot of awkward moments, but all in all, Sirius acted like nothing had happened. At times Remus even considered that perhaps the whole thing had been a dream, and he was just being insane.
The real reason, of course, Remus knew, was Sirius’s pride. Sirius really put himself on the line and in the end, it was Remus who rejected Sirius, not the other way around, as it should have been. Rejection was not something that Sirius dealt with well or was even very familiar with. Especially not from people that he was sure actually fancied him.
Remus felt guilty. Everything was his fault. He felt like he almost led Sirius on and then made a fool of him. In a way, maybe he did.
It was harder for them to talk now. Even though Sirius pretended he had moved on, it was obvious that he had not. He was overenthusiastic every time he talked to Remus, and he seemed to fall asleep plastered against the wall as far from Remus as possible and as soon as his head hit the pillow.
They played Quidditch, they talked, they laughed, they did homework, but it was just not the same. Remus knew that it was up to him - the mature one - to fix it, and the only way to do that would be to talk about it. He had no idea how to bring it up, though. Sometimes, he doubted he would ever be able to, and then they’d never get over it.
Finally, one night, when they were in bed, and Sirius was fake-snoring as usual, Remus decided to step up.
“Padfoot?” Sirius made no response, but his snoring immidiately ceased. “Padfoot, you know we have to talk about it sooner or later, so we better get it over with already.” He sighed when again there was no response. “Please?”
Sirius turned around abruptly. His eyes were shining with anger and bitterness, and it was evident that he was let show what he actually felt about the whole situation.
“Moony, you really are confusing, you know that?” he blurted, slamming his fist on the bed. “No!” he growled when Remus opened his mouth to soothe and respond. “Hear me out now - you owe me that much. Don't you realize I've noticed decades ago the way you look at me? The way you stare at my cock when I’m naked, and the way you shrink away from my touch?” Remus looked away from Sirius’s gaze. He should’ve figured Sirius would notice, but, for some reason, the thought never even crossed him mind. “Geez, that bookworm you’re going out with might as well be a doorknob to you, considering how much you actually give a damn about her! I'd bet anything you imagine my face when you snog her!”
“I’m sorry,” Remus mumbled. The reasonable soliloquy that he was preparing for this conversation had vanished from his mind, and all of a sudden he had nothing to say.
“Moony.” Sirius seemed to soften at his friend’s confusion and sadness, and his voice almost sounded endearing. “Look at me, Moony.” He caught Remus's chin with his hand and forced him to look up. “Moony, I don’t want your pretty reasonable words and your wise comments on the situation. I know whatever you say will be right, but I don’t want to hear what is right. I want to do what feels right. Now please, tell me, do you want me? Do you fancy me?” His hand slipped down to Remus’s chest and started tracing circles. “Do you want this?”
The voice of reason that lived in Remus’s head seemed to die at those words. He tried to fight his instincts, but he just couldn't. He nodded his head almost unnoticeably, but Sirius saw. With a low growl, his hand slipped into Remus’s hair and pulled his head forward. The kiss was almost painful. Sirius lost no time in practically throwing Remus down on the bed and literally tearing off both of their boxers.
The moment their cocks finally touched, Remus nearly came there and then, but the contact was almost immediately interrupted by Sirius sliding down his body, kissing, licking, and biting. His tongue was tracing every single one of Remus's scars. Sirius’s growls and Remus’s moans and gasps filled the room. Somewhere at the back of his mind, Remus was eternally thankful that his parents’ room was downstairs and at the other side of the house.
“What do you want me to do?” Sirius whispered into Remus’s stomach, suddenly stopping. Remus moaned inaudibly. “Tell me, Moony, or I’ll stop.”
Remus gasped at the thought of this ever ending. It felt right and there was no one in the world that Remus would rather have doing all those things to him than Sirius. He remembered a rather vivid dream he had once about Sirius, and forced himself to put it into words.
“Take it into your mouth,” he whispered quietly, almost choking on his own words.
“I don’t think I got that.” Remus could feel Sirius smirk into his stomach. “Let me hear it, Moony.”
“Gooddamnittakeitintoyourmouth!!!” Remus breathed out loudly. It took an enormous effort from him to be able to say all those crude things out loud, and Sirius was enjoying making him do that.
Before he could think about his inhibitions, Sirius’s warm lips closed around his cock, and then immidiately withdrew. Remus was going to beg, scream, moan, shout something, but nothing came out of his mouth. Sirius remained motionless, however, as he tapped Remus’s stomach expectantly.
“Please,” Remus moaned. He'd give Sirius exactly what he wanted. Everything and anything he wanted, actually. “Please, Padfoot, please.”
“You’re too good at that word,” Sirius growled, and started sliding his tongue up and down Remus’s shaft, licking the head when he reached the top, and kissing the balls when he reached the bottom.
All Remus could do was clutch the sheets and rock his hips desperately, trying not to scream from the river of pleasure that was flooding and drowning him. Sirius was teasing him. Going much slower than Remus could handle, but even that was driving him over the edge. He wanted to prolong it, but he couldn’t. He could feel his balls tighten, and could sense the familiar feel in his stomach.
“I’m going to…”
Sirius removed his mouth and replaced it with his hand. The sudden change in pressure did it. Remus released with a moan, his body jerking up and then falling down almost unconscious onto the bed.
Sirius smiled and slid up to lie beside Remus. He gathered Remus into his chest and held him during his orgasm spasms. It was evident that Remus had never experienced something quite like that before. His hand limply reached for Sirius’s cock, but Sirius intercepted it.
“Moony, just enjoy this,” Sirius said with obvious pride in his voice. "Don't worry about me."
“But…”
“We have two months together.”
It was enough to let Remus know that he’d have enough time to pay Sirius back for the best orgasm of his life and then some.
Sirius was right. That summer was definitely going to be a blast.
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