Thought I wouldn't share it, but decided to anyway.
I wrote a slash fic a few days ago. My first one, to be exact. Took me about 3 days. Hehe... Honestly, I was so stuck at one point I was ready to go watch gay porn for ideas. LoL Jokking, obviously! :P Anyway, I didn't want to post it on my LJ just because... Well, some of you guys don't quite know this side of me - I wasn't sure if I was too keen on letting you all into my dirty thoughts, but oh well. What can you do?
Also, must warn, and I will only do it ONCE, since I am planning to write more of these. This type of thing is not everyone's peice of cake. I can name one by one people on my friends list whO REALLY shouldn't read this. Let's hope you have enough common sense to know who you are by yourselves.
Not to make a huge deal about this, it's just this is very explicit and... Anyway, just view at your own discretion.
Title : Raging Connection.
Rated : R for explicit sex and language.
Pairings : Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy.
Warnings : SLASH, DUH!!! It's not very angsty and it's not safe for work, obviously! ;)
Summary : Harry has never felt so bad or so MAD in his entire life. Nothing is working out for him, and, on top of it all, he's starting to drift apart from everyone because of his constant rage and violent outbursts towards his friends. When he encounters Draco Malfoy on one of his raging walks, God only knows how a vicious fight turns into just as vicious and passionate sex.
Author's Notes : Takes place in 6th year. HBP never happened because I said so. It's the first slash I have ever written, though I've been writing for a long time. Reviews are greatly appreciated.
Disclaimer : I don't own anything but the plot. All characters and places belong to the genius lady JKR.
"HARRY!!!"
Harry swung around, watching as his best friend approached him at lightening speed, his clothes in disarray and his eyes shining rage. He knew this was coming, though. He knew she would go to him right away. What else was new? He shrugged. He didn't do anything wrong. Meanwhile, Ron approached him, and, before Harry could do anything to prevent it, grabbed him around the shoulders and shook him viciously.
"You hit Hermione?!" Ron roared so loud that Harry was sure that all professors in the school would be rushing to the
Gryffindor Tower at once. It was, after all, after curfew, and most students have gone to sleep long ago.
"I didn't hit Hermione, Ron. Not exactly," Harry answered calmly. "I just needed to be alone for a little while, and she didn't seem to be getting the point."
"So you hit her?!" Ron gave Harry a violent shake by the shoulders. "It's Hermione, Harry! Our best friend! The one who took us for who we are for all these years! The one who have been our closest and truest friend forever!"
"I just hit her hand away!" Harry snapped, irritated, shaking Ron's hands off his shoulders and taking a step back.
"She didn't cry her heart out to me just now because you hurt her hand! You broke her heart because she cares about you so much, and she's been worried sick because of the way you've been acting ever since the beginning of the school year!!! She has done so much for us, Harry, especially for you! She has risked her life for you, and I will not let you treat her this way! How dare you treat her that way?!"
"Oh, great, that's just great!" Harry shouted, not caring that many of the students now came out of their dormitories, looking sleepy and disgruntled, and were observing the scene with curiosity. "Stick up for her, why don't you, because she's your girlfriend! It doesn't matter what I feel, right? Because you two couldn't care less about what the hell happens to me now that you've got each other!"
"Oh, Harry, how can you say that?" Ron's voice sounded quiet and his eyes were looking hurt and accusing. "We would die for you, Harry, you know that! Dating or not, Hermione and I love you! But you have been impossible to approach ever since... you know, it happened. You've been horrible, mean, rude and violent to everybody, and we really just don't know what to expect anymore when we're with you!" Ron sighed and turned away. There were tears in his eyes now. "You're just becoming someone I don't even know anymore, Harry! Someone I don't think I.. want to know."
Harry didn't respond. He turned around and walked out of the common room, not looking back. He felt guilty, but, more than that, mad. He didn't know why he became like that. He missed Sirius more and more everyday, and rage has become his new way of releasing his anger and grief. And now his own friends didn't want to even know him anymore. He had become so horrible that even his Ron and Hermione - the ones who stood by his side through thick and thin for five years now - couldn't handle it anymore. He didn't blame them, but he just didn't know what he could do to stop what was happening to him. He had to release his hate towards everything somehow, and that was the fastest way he knew how. That was the only thing that really worked - to lash out on someone. Because when he lashed out on someone, he could forget himself and everything around him for just a moment, and stop blaming himself. For just a fleeting moment, he could shift the blame on someone else and actually believe it. Because he couldn't deal with living with the guilt of Sirius's death. It was suffocating him.
Before he knew it, he was out of the castle and out on the grounds, but he continued walking. He didn't care if some horrible creature of the Forbidden Forest would do him a favor and devour him. It would be for the best for everyone. He looked around him desperately. He was looking for a way to release his anger. For something to break, hit, kill - anything.
"Oh, Draco, could you be a little more gentle for a change?"
"Shut the fuck up, Pansy!"
Harry froze. He recognized the male voice. He looked closely, and could see two figures under a tree in the middle of something he was sure was not supposed to be going on in the place and the hour. Harry smiled to himself. Any other time - last year for sure - he would've walked away as fast as he could. He never looked forward to seeing Malfoy before, but lately he was finding that he was seeking the blonde out more and more. Because with the Slytherin Harry didn't actually need to feel guilty about lashing out on him. Because Malfoy fought back and didn't take it all, pitying Harry, like Ron, Hermione, or most people did. Even Snape wasn't a good relieve anymore, because, though he didn't become nicer, he became more impartial to Harry.
"Lumos," Harry said loudly, pointing his wand to the couple.
As a bright ray of light illuminated all that was going on, Pansy shrieked and jumped off the ground, making Draco gasp in pain at the sudden disconnection. Harry looked down at the scene and smirked. Draco, on all his fours, without a shirt, his fly open and his large erection now hanging hopelessly from the opening, looked absolutely helpless.
Harry glanced at Pansy, who had all her clothes on and was now pulling up her underwear hastily and scowled in disgust. Even Malfoy could do better, he thought, looking at the pug-looking, ugly girl.
"Get lost!" he growled, and Pansy immediately obeyed, probably too afraid of being discovered by someone else who might be with Harry. Malfoy, meanwhile, stood up slowly and glared at the Gryffindor. Once Pansy was out of sight, Harry allowed himself to speak:
"Put the mouse back in the house, Malfoy," he pointed his wand to Draco's pants. "No one wants to see that. No wonder you guys do it in the dark."
Malfoy looked so mad, to Harry's immense satisfaction, that he couldn't even form a word. He grabbed his manhood and stuck it back into his fly hastily, though Harry could see that it was as hard as ever and was now bulging out of Draco's pants painfully.
"What the fuck are you doing out here interrupting my business, Scarhead?" Draco breathed out and took a threatening step towards Harry with a menacing expression on his face.
"Me? What am I doing?" Harry raised a brow. C'mon, Draco, you could do better than that! "You're a prefect, if I'm not mistaken, Malfoy? I'm sure you'll be stripped of that position before you could say rules once McGonagall finds out! I do owe it to you to tell her, do I not?" Harry smiled, though now nervously, aware that Draco was advancing on him with murder written in his features. "Don't you remember first year and you ratting on us? It's only fair."
Harry wanted Draco to yell so he could yell back, but what happened next Harry had not expected in the least. Draco made a growling sound and pounced on Harry, his hands going around Harry's neck. Not expecting the impact, Harry tumbled to the ground, Draco on top of him. Draco removed his hands from Harry's neck and now had a grab on his shoulder, banging his back against the ground.
"You have no idea how long I have been waiting until the moment I could do this, Potter, with no one around us to stop me. Finally pound your face in!"
Harry was quick to figure out what was going on, however. The adrenaline he had so long been waiting for had finally started pumping. There was no way he would be beaten by Draco Malfoy and just lie there and do nothing! Harry had to admit, however, that Draco was strong - much stronger than Harry was comfortable with. In fact, Harry simply couldn't get Draco off him.
Thinking fast, he put his hand on the blonde's back and sunk his nails in, dragging them across Draco's smooth skin. Draco's body twitched a little and he shifted his weight so one of his elbows pushed down on Harry's arm, making it impossible to move anymore.
Harry wriggled helplessly while Draco delivered un-aimed blows to his sides, arms and face.
"Get off me!" Harry roared finally, trying to get up, pushing his body off the ground by his arms, which he gained control of by biting Draco's shoulder viciously.
Draco was unmovable, but the motion caused Harry's crotch to push hard against Draco's erection, which did not seem to plan to go away any time soon. Draco's body twitched wildly, though, and just for a second, his body went completely jello on Harry, and then Harry knew what he had to do. He was a guy himself, after all, and he knew what would work undoubtedly. And it wouldn't be wrong or mean anything if he did it for the sole purpose to protect himself from Draco's beatings. Or so he told himself.
Before Draco could deliver another blow, Harry lifted up his hips and slammed them into Draco. Draco gasped and practically collapsed on top of Harry.
"What the fuck are you doing, Potter?" Draco breathed into Harry's ear, his voice weak but furious.
Harry, meanwhile, has forgotten to even take advantage of the situation and throw Draco off him. He was finding, terrified, that at every slight move of Draco's hips, Harry could feel a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach he wasn't very familiar with. And then...
"Oh God, Potter, what the flying fuck!" Draco was up in a second, putting a long distance between them, looking disgusted but shocked. "You're getting turned on by this, you sick bastard?!"
Harry couldn't believe it himself, but, looking down, there could be no doubt about it. He didn't know what happened exactly. The only thing he knew is that he had no control over it whatsoever. His pants were getting uncomfortably tight, and he was cursing himself, because he couldn't stop it. His member was growing rapidly, and soon the pressure of it on his pants started to hurt. He had to keep cool, though, as best as he could manage.
"I am not turned on!" he snapped loudly. "How sick do you think I am, getting turned on by you?!"
"You can say whatever you want, Potter, but the proof is practically hitting me in the face!"
"Ugh, look at yourself, Malfoy!" Harry looked away.
"You barge in on me fucking my girlfriend, you interrupt us, and you piss me off! So, frankly, it doesn't matter to me if you find sick pleasure in this or not! I will kick your ass and I will finally get revenge for the last five years of your insufferable existence! Too bad your beloved dog-man can't save you now!"
That was the last straw. No matter how much it hurt to hear mention of Sirius's name in that way, Harry wanted Draco to mention him. Because he wasn't feeling mad enough before - having taken most of his rage on Hermione that evening - but he was ready to kill now. And he was enjoying that feeling. Perhaps, enjoying it a little too much. He started advancing on Malfoy slowly, suddenly feeling much stronger than he had ever felt.
"Oh, look who's finally getting mad!" Draco smirked. "Must be hard to want to kill me when your body wants to fuck me so much!"
"Get over yourself, Malfoy!" Harry was now inches away from the blonde, and preparing to deliver his first shot. "I don't want you!"
"You're willing to bet on it?" Draco smirked, raising his brow and letting his gaze drop. "Because I think your little friend here would be more than happy to tell the truth!"
"Wha... Umph!"
Harry didn't even have time to start realizing what Draco was doing when a strong hand closed tightly around his manhood and pulled it roughly. He whimpered and fell forward, cursing himself. He wanted to hit Draco away and to swear at him - beat him senseless for what he had just said about Sirius - but his body was completely on its own now, and his voice seemed to have escaped him.
"Now, Potter, tell me you don't want me!" Draco said loudly, his hand tightening and his other hand grabbing Harry's chin and roughly forcing it up. "Tell me you're not enjoying it!"
I'm getting raped! was the first thought that ran through Harry's head when the Slytherin, not letting go of Harry's member, leaned in and bit Harry's half-opened lip so hard Harry could immediately taste blood. Why am I just standing here? Why am I not doing anything?!
"I... Don't want you... Malfoy... Let me go... What... the fuck... are you... doigmph..."
But Harry couldn’t even say that sincerely anymore. When Draco's lips found his and ravaged them, Harry could feel his whole body shaking and begging for more. He was turned on more than he had ever been before - because of the anger, because of the rage, because of Malfoy. At that realization, he started to feel his strength coming back to him. Only now he no longer had a desire to beat Malfoy senseless. He wanted to touch him, have him scream, moan, beg... His hand encircled Draco body, and his nails once again sunk into the bare flesh. Only this time, it didn't seem to hurt Draco - it edged him on.
Making a low half growl half moan, Draco's hands were immediately on Harry's shirt, and with one swift move, it was gone. When Harry felt Draco's bare upper body press against his, their nipples brushing slightly, he felt a longing that pounded painfully in his lower parts. He needed it now, and he needed it bad.
Draco was skillful at his art, however, and, while ravaging Harry's face and chest with his hands and tongue, he left his hips motionless and his hands didn't reach lower than Harry's waist. That got Harry even madder, though he didn't know why. Nothing - not what he was feeling, now whom he was lusting after - made sense to the Gryffindor anymore. He just wanted to fuck until he couldn't, and not just anybody, too, but Malfoy.
He started moving his hips slowly and then, when Draco's breath quickened, faster and with more impact.
"Hate me," Harry whispered, leaning in so his lips brushed against Draco's ear. "This... This thing... It's... I can't help it, but you have to promise me that regardless of this, you will always hate me. Because I need someone to hate me... so... damn... much..."
"Really?" Draco smirked and, bringing Harry close to him, practically collapsed on top of him, causing the raven-haired boy to end up on the ground, pinned down. "I was under the impression that you were with Dumbledore on the whole 'love is the most powerful thing in the world' thing."
"It might be the most powerful thing, Malfoy, but it's not the most powerful feeling, as I have found out. Because I hate you, Malfoy. And there are no feelings in my heart stronger than the ones I have for you."
"Well, you hate the Dark Lord as well, no doubt, but you won’t want to fuck him, would you?" Harry cringed. That idea was disturbing in too many ways. "It's lust combined with hate, which you have for me and me alone," Draco drawled in satisfaction, and his face suddenly disappeared from Harry's sight.
Draco was exceptionally fast in all his movements after those words. Seemed like even his professional, teasing patience had finally run dry. Before Harry even had time to ask Draco what he was doing now, he found himself lying on the ground completely naked - his torn pants and boxers discarded into the nearest bushes like some kind of meaningless garbage. When Draco repossessed Harry's erection in the same rough manner as before, Harry decided that dignity be damned, but he couldn't hold it anymore. He'd beg for contact, if that's what it took for Malfoy to hurry the hell up.
"Malfoy..." This was embarrassing, but Harry was going to stand it. "Please, Malfoy, could you just... OHMYGOD!!!"
The sensation came as a thunderbolt through his body. Considering that Harry was a virgin, and definitely never had that done to him before, the warm sensation of Malfoy's moist mouth nearly sent him into convulsions. He could never had imagined something could feel so unbelievably satisfying. Malfoy was extremely skilled at what he was doing, too, which surprised Harry quite a lot. Malfoy always seemed like a narrow-minded, straight forward guy who had the same girlfriend for the last three years and would never accept anything out of the ordinary. Thus, Harry had no idea where the blonde learned to suck dick that well, but it didn't really matter to him at the moment.
As Draco's tongue played across Harry's cock, tickled his balls and his mouth slid faster and faster up and down Harry's shaft, Harry started go get loud. He was digging his fingers into the ground, now pounding his hips forward madly releasing loud whimpers, which were occasionally replaced with loud screams of endearments and obscenities all at the same time.
Suddenly, Harry could feel an unfamiliar sensation of tightening which was painful but pleasantly so. It was as if all of his insides were tying tighter and tighter into a knot by the second. He wanted to scream - the situation was a little panicky - but could only gasp loudly, his lungs completely empty of air. It was in a second, though it seemed to Harry like an eternity, that some uncontrollable force practically through Harry's hips up, forcing his shaft as deep as it could go into Draco's mouth, and his balls tightened and momentarily released a wave of hot cum.
Harry collapsed painfully to the ground, gasping loudly for breath. His fists were clutching at the grass, and his whole body shivering. He felt Draco's warm body press tight against him by his side and two strong hands came around him.
"Wow, Potter. Haven't realized it was your first time, really." Draco's lips brushed Harry's ear oh so gently, making the Gryffindor shiver and snuggle even closer into his enemy's body. "Jeesh, scared the hell out of me - thought you were dying or something."
Harry smiled, though it faded from his lips almost as fast as it appeared. He was lying in the arms of Draco Malfoy - who was holding him very gently though very close for some reason - naked and sexually exhausted. Harry took in a sharp breath. Draco Malfoy made Harry Potter sexually exhausted. It even sounded ridiculous.
"Um... Should I..." Harry didn't really know how this worked. Draco didn't seem to be having second thoughts or doubts, and Harry felt like while Draco had fulfilled Harry's wishes, Harry was still to return the favor.
The blonde smirked. "Potter, I'll be surprised if you'll be able to get up after this." His voice carried a hint of pride. "It even works out for the best. You know you - with your sickening Gryffindor sense of justice - will not rest easy until you return the favor. And so you will, Potter. So many times still. Just not now. Concentrate on keeping your heart from jumping out of your chest for the moment." His warm hand placed itself firmly above Harry's heart.
"Malfoy, we gotta talk about this." Harry tried to get up, but the strong hands around him had him pinned to Draco's body. He kind of liked that - not that he was going to admit it to himself just yet until he cleared a few things up first. "This was a raging mistake. We both got carried away. You hate me. This can't go on and you know it."
"But you need me to hate you, Potter. So. Damn. Much. Remember?" Harry cursed himself. He said it and he meant it, though he really did wish he had kept that part to himself now. "You really do need me, Potter, to release all of this hate you carry inside of yourself. And I need you, because I have just as much, though I am more intelligent about it, of course. Don't try to understand it." Draco's hand found Harry's chin and turned it towards himself. "Just let me hate you, because I do. So much. Only you - always you."
"Always you..." Harry repeated, before cupping Draco's face and bringing it in for a passionate kiss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Harry walked into the Gryffindor Common room, he saw both Ron and Hermione sitting on the sofa in front of the long dead fire. Hermione was holding a Muggle book - Romeo and Juliet - a book Harry knew she had re-read about a thousand times. She would always quote it to them, but Harry could never understand it - never really tried to. Ron was staring at the chess set in front of him, which seemed to be playing a game of chess completely without Ron's participation. As soon as he walked in, both jumped up.
"Oh, God, you're alright!" Hermione burst into tears and made a move to throw herself into Harry's arms, but stopped half-way. Ron just looked up from his game wearily.
"I... I want to say something to the two of you," Harry said quietly, throwing a quick glance at his watch. It was four in the morning - he could hardy believe they stayed up so long just to wait for him. "I owe you both an apology." Both were now listening attentively. He had never said he was sorry for his behavior before. "I promise you," Harry put both his hands on his heart to increase the significance, "that from this point on I will never lash out at either of you again. I will never take it out on you again..." He paused and then continued, now so quietly they could barely hear him. "I love you guys so much..."
Hermione threw Ron a meaningful look before giving Harry a warm smile and completing the notion of throwing herself into his arms. Ron looked doubtful.
"Mate, it's great and all, but how do we know...?"
"Believe me," Harry said solemnly, looking straight into Ron's eyes, "I have found a way to release my anger without hurting the people I love."
"What?" Ron smiled suspiciously, giving Harry a look-over while shaking his hand heartily. "Not to be nosy or anything, but you look like you just..."
"Ron!!!" Hermione swung around and delivered a loud slap to his head. "It's none of your business!!"
"Jeesh, forget it!" He grinned and leaned in for a quick kiss from his girlfriend before waving to the both of them. "Find out sooner or later anyway. As for right now, I'm going to bed. Gonna recommend you do the same."
As Ron dragged himself lazily up the stairs to the boys' dormitories, Harry grabbed Hermione's arm, looking apologetic.
"Hey, 'mione..." He didn't know how he was going to ask this, but he felt like he had to. It was torturing him.
"Harry?" To Harry's surprise, Hermione looked like she expected it. "Lay it out, whatever it is."
"Just wanted to ask you... about hate and love." Hermione raised a brow. "Imagine you have the strongest feelings for somebody, and you were always convinced they were hate. But they're so strong that sometimes it makes you wonder that maybe it's the strongest out there... Which would be love... But you can't really love the person... I mean, you just can't - it's impossible. So maybe it's hate, but you see, you don't feel hate when you look at that person... You just... Feel so strongly."
"Hard to imagine myself in that situation, since it's beyond confusing," Hermione smiled, "but sure sounds like love to me. Just think about the person you hate the most - hate is a strong word, you know, Harry - and ask yourself if the feelings for whoever it is you're talking about are similar to that."
Voldemort. Hermione didn't want to say it, but that was what she meant. Harry definitely didn't feel anything close to what he felt for Voldemort for Draco. And hate was, indeed, a very strong word, but...
"But what if you love, but you can't? You just have to hate the person, or it would ruin everything..." Hermione looked at Harry in confusion. "No, forget everything I said."
"So..." Hermione contemplated. "You love, but you can't, so you hate?"
"Definitely," Harry shook his head and started to make his way to the boy's dormitories. "Sorry for confusing you. It's hate - that's the only word for it. Hate. Just don't ask."
"Alright," Hermione shrugged with a hint of a smile. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. No matter how you put it."
"What?" Harry swung around, but Hermione was already gone. He shrugged in irritation. Shakespeare - must have been. Ha hated the man. Why did he always have to speak in riddles?
Also, must warn, and I will only do it ONCE, since I am planning to write more of these. This type of thing is not everyone's peice of cake. I can name one by one people on my friends list whO REALLY shouldn't read this. Let's hope you have enough common sense to know who you are by yourselves.
Not to make a huge deal about this, it's just this is very explicit and... Anyway, just view at your own discretion.
Title : Raging Connection.
Rated : R for explicit sex and language.
Pairings : Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy.
Warnings : SLASH, DUH!!! It's not very angsty and it's not safe for work, obviously! ;)
Summary : Harry has never felt so bad or so MAD in his entire life. Nothing is working out for him, and, on top of it all, he's starting to drift apart from everyone because of his constant rage and violent outbursts towards his friends. When he encounters Draco Malfoy on one of his raging walks, God only knows how a vicious fight turns into just as vicious and passionate sex.
Author's Notes : Takes place in 6th year. HBP never happened because I said so. It's the first slash I have ever written, though I've been writing for a long time. Reviews are greatly appreciated.
Disclaimer : I don't own anything but the plot. All characters and places belong to the genius lady JKR.
"HARRY!!!"
Harry swung around, watching as his best friend approached him at lightening speed, his clothes in disarray and his eyes shining rage. He knew this was coming, though. He knew she would go to him right away. What else was new? He shrugged. He didn't do anything wrong. Meanwhile, Ron approached him, and, before Harry could do anything to prevent it, grabbed him around the shoulders and shook him viciously.
"You hit Hermione?!" Ron roared so loud that Harry was sure that all professors in the school would be rushing to the
Gryffindor Tower at once. It was, after all, after curfew, and most students have gone to sleep long ago.
"I didn't hit Hermione, Ron. Not exactly," Harry answered calmly. "I just needed to be alone for a little while, and she didn't seem to be getting the point."
"So you hit her?!" Ron gave Harry a violent shake by the shoulders. "It's Hermione, Harry! Our best friend! The one who took us for who we are for all these years! The one who have been our closest and truest friend forever!"
"I just hit her hand away!" Harry snapped, irritated, shaking Ron's hands off his shoulders and taking a step back.
"She didn't cry her heart out to me just now because you hurt her hand! You broke her heart because she cares about you so much, and she's been worried sick because of the way you've been acting ever since the beginning of the school year!!! She has done so much for us, Harry, especially for you! She has risked her life for you, and I will not let you treat her this way! How dare you treat her that way?!"
"Oh, great, that's just great!" Harry shouted, not caring that many of the students now came out of their dormitories, looking sleepy and disgruntled, and were observing the scene with curiosity. "Stick up for her, why don't you, because she's your girlfriend! It doesn't matter what I feel, right? Because you two couldn't care less about what the hell happens to me now that you've got each other!"
"Oh, Harry, how can you say that?" Ron's voice sounded quiet and his eyes were looking hurt and accusing. "We would die for you, Harry, you know that! Dating or not, Hermione and I love you! But you have been impossible to approach ever since... you know, it happened. You've been horrible, mean, rude and violent to everybody, and we really just don't know what to expect anymore when we're with you!" Ron sighed and turned away. There were tears in his eyes now. "You're just becoming someone I don't even know anymore, Harry! Someone I don't think I.. want to know."
Harry didn't respond. He turned around and walked out of the common room, not looking back. He felt guilty, but, more than that, mad. He didn't know why he became like that. He missed Sirius more and more everyday, and rage has become his new way of releasing his anger and grief. And now his own friends didn't want to even know him anymore. He had become so horrible that even his Ron and Hermione - the ones who stood by his side through thick and thin for five years now - couldn't handle it anymore. He didn't blame them, but he just didn't know what he could do to stop what was happening to him. He had to release his hate towards everything somehow, and that was the fastest way he knew how. That was the only thing that really worked - to lash out on someone. Because when he lashed out on someone, he could forget himself and everything around him for just a moment, and stop blaming himself. For just a fleeting moment, he could shift the blame on someone else and actually believe it. Because he couldn't deal with living with the guilt of Sirius's death. It was suffocating him.
Before he knew it, he was out of the castle and out on the grounds, but he continued walking. He didn't care if some horrible creature of the Forbidden Forest would do him a favor and devour him. It would be for the best for everyone. He looked around him desperately. He was looking for a way to release his anger. For something to break, hit, kill - anything.
"Oh, Draco, could you be a little more gentle for a change?"
"Shut the fuck up, Pansy!"
Harry froze. He recognized the male voice. He looked closely, and could see two figures under a tree in the middle of something he was sure was not supposed to be going on in the place and the hour. Harry smiled to himself. Any other time - last year for sure - he would've walked away as fast as he could. He never looked forward to seeing Malfoy before, but lately he was finding that he was seeking the blonde out more and more. Because with the Slytherin Harry didn't actually need to feel guilty about lashing out on him. Because Malfoy fought back and didn't take it all, pitying Harry, like Ron, Hermione, or most people did. Even Snape wasn't a good relieve anymore, because, though he didn't become nicer, he became more impartial to Harry.
"Lumos," Harry said loudly, pointing his wand to the couple.
As a bright ray of light illuminated all that was going on, Pansy shrieked and jumped off the ground, making Draco gasp in pain at the sudden disconnection. Harry looked down at the scene and smirked. Draco, on all his fours, without a shirt, his fly open and his large erection now hanging hopelessly from the opening, looked absolutely helpless.
Harry glanced at Pansy, who had all her clothes on and was now pulling up her underwear hastily and scowled in disgust. Even Malfoy could do better, he thought, looking at the pug-looking, ugly girl.
"Get lost!" he growled, and Pansy immediately obeyed, probably too afraid of being discovered by someone else who might be with Harry. Malfoy, meanwhile, stood up slowly and glared at the Gryffindor. Once Pansy was out of sight, Harry allowed himself to speak:
"Put the mouse back in the house, Malfoy," he pointed his wand to Draco's pants. "No one wants to see that. No wonder you guys do it in the dark."
Malfoy looked so mad, to Harry's immense satisfaction, that he couldn't even form a word. He grabbed his manhood and stuck it back into his fly hastily, though Harry could see that it was as hard as ever and was now bulging out of Draco's pants painfully.
"What the fuck are you doing out here interrupting my business, Scarhead?" Draco breathed out and took a threatening step towards Harry with a menacing expression on his face.
"Me? What am I doing?" Harry raised a brow. C'mon, Draco, you could do better than that! "You're a prefect, if I'm not mistaken, Malfoy? I'm sure you'll be stripped of that position before you could say rules once McGonagall finds out! I do owe it to you to tell her, do I not?" Harry smiled, though now nervously, aware that Draco was advancing on him with murder written in his features. "Don't you remember first year and you ratting on us? It's only fair."
Harry wanted Draco to yell so he could yell back, but what happened next Harry had not expected in the least. Draco made a growling sound and pounced on Harry, his hands going around Harry's neck. Not expecting the impact, Harry tumbled to the ground, Draco on top of him. Draco removed his hands from Harry's neck and now had a grab on his shoulder, banging his back against the ground.
"You have no idea how long I have been waiting until the moment I could do this, Potter, with no one around us to stop me. Finally pound your face in!"
Harry was quick to figure out what was going on, however. The adrenaline he had so long been waiting for had finally started pumping. There was no way he would be beaten by Draco Malfoy and just lie there and do nothing! Harry had to admit, however, that Draco was strong - much stronger than Harry was comfortable with. In fact, Harry simply couldn't get Draco off him.
Thinking fast, he put his hand on the blonde's back and sunk his nails in, dragging them across Draco's smooth skin. Draco's body twitched a little and he shifted his weight so one of his elbows pushed down on Harry's arm, making it impossible to move anymore.
Harry wriggled helplessly while Draco delivered un-aimed blows to his sides, arms and face.
"Get off me!" Harry roared finally, trying to get up, pushing his body off the ground by his arms, which he gained control of by biting Draco's shoulder viciously.
Draco was unmovable, but the motion caused Harry's crotch to push hard against Draco's erection, which did not seem to plan to go away any time soon. Draco's body twitched wildly, though, and just for a second, his body went completely jello on Harry, and then Harry knew what he had to do. He was a guy himself, after all, and he knew what would work undoubtedly. And it wouldn't be wrong or mean anything if he did it for the sole purpose to protect himself from Draco's beatings. Or so he told himself.
Before Draco could deliver another blow, Harry lifted up his hips and slammed them into Draco. Draco gasped and practically collapsed on top of Harry.
"What the fuck are you doing, Potter?" Draco breathed into Harry's ear, his voice weak but furious.
Harry, meanwhile, has forgotten to even take advantage of the situation and throw Draco off him. He was finding, terrified, that at every slight move of Draco's hips, Harry could feel a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach he wasn't very familiar with. And then...
"Oh God, Potter, what the flying fuck!" Draco was up in a second, putting a long distance between them, looking disgusted but shocked. "You're getting turned on by this, you sick bastard?!"
Harry couldn't believe it himself, but, looking down, there could be no doubt about it. He didn't know what happened exactly. The only thing he knew is that he had no control over it whatsoever. His pants were getting uncomfortably tight, and he was cursing himself, because he couldn't stop it. His member was growing rapidly, and soon the pressure of it on his pants started to hurt. He had to keep cool, though, as best as he could manage.
"I am not turned on!" he snapped loudly. "How sick do you think I am, getting turned on by you?!"
"You can say whatever you want, Potter, but the proof is practically hitting me in the face!"
"Ugh, look at yourself, Malfoy!" Harry looked away.
"You barge in on me fucking my girlfriend, you interrupt us, and you piss me off! So, frankly, it doesn't matter to me if you find sick pleasure in this or not! I will kick your ass and I will finally get revenge for the last five years of your insufferable existence! Too bad your beloved dog-man can't save you now!"
That was the last straw. No matter how much it hurt to hear mention of Sirius's name in that way, Harry wanted Draco to mention him. Because he wasn't feeling mad enough before - having taken most of his rage on Hermione that evening - but he was ready to kill now. And he was enjoying that feeling. Perhaps, enjoying it a little too much. He started advancing on Malfoy slowly, suddenly feeling much stronger than he had ever felt.
"Oh, look who's finally getting mad!" Draco smirked. "Must be hard to want to kill me when your body wants to fuck me so much!"
"Get over yourself, Malfoy!" Harry was now inches away from the blonde, and preparing to deliver his first shot. "I don't want you!"
"You're willing to bet on it?" Draco smirked, raising his brow and letting his gaze drop. "Because I think your little friend here would be more than happy to tell the truth!"
"Wha... Umph!"
Harry didn't even have time to start realizing what Draco was doing when a strong hand closed tightly around his manhood and pulled it roughly. He whimpered and fell forward, cursing himself. He wanted to hit Draco away and to swear at him - beat him senseless for what he had just said about Sirius - but his body was completely on its own now, and his voice seemed to have escaped him.
"Now, Potter, tell me you don't want me!" Draco said loudly, his hand tightening and his other hand grabbing Harry's chin and roughly forcing it up. "Tell me you're not enjoying it!"
I'm getting raped! was the first thought that ran through Harry's head when the Slytherin, not letting go of Harry's member, leaned in and bit Harry's half-opened lip so hard Harry could immediately taste blood. Why am I just standing here? Why am I not doing anything?!
"I... Don't want you... Malfoy... Let me go... What... the fuck... are you... doigmph..."
But Harry couldn’t even say that sincerely anymore. When Draco's lips found his and ravaged them, Harry could feel his whole body shaking and begging for more. He was turned on more than he had ever been before - because of the anger, because of the rage, because of Malfoy. At that realization, he started to feel his strength coming back to him. Only now he no longer had a desire to beat Malfoy senseless. He wanted to touch him, have him scream, moan, beg... His hand encircled Draco body, and his nails once again sunk into the bare flesh. Only this time, it didn't seem to hurt Draco - it edged him on.
Making a low half growl half moan, Draco's hands were immediately on Harry's shirt, and with one swift move, it was gone. When Harry felt Draco's bare upper body press against his, their nipples brushing slightly, he felt a longing that pounded painfully in his lower parts. He needed it now, and he needed it bad.
Draco was skillful at his art, however, and, while ravaging Harry's face and chest with his hands and tongue, he left his hips motionless and his hands didn't reach lower than Harry's waist. That got Harry even madder, though he didn't know why. Nothing - not what he was feeling, now whom he was lusting after - made sense to the Gryffindor anymore. He just wanted to fuck until he couldn't, and not just anybody, too, but Malfoy.
He started moving his hips slowly and then, when Draco's breath quickened, faster and with more impact.
"Hate me," Harry whispered, leaning in so his lips brushed against Draco's ear. "This... This thing... It's... I can't help it, but you have to promise me that regardless of this, you will always hate me. Because I need someone to hate me... so... damn... much..."
"Really?" Draco smirked and, bringing Harry close to him, practically collapsed on top of him, causing the raven-haired boy to end up on the ground, pinned down. "I was under the impression that you were with Dumbledore on the whole 'love is the most powerful thing in the world' thing."
"It might be the most powerful thing, Malfoy, but it's not the most powerful feeling, as I have found out. Because I hate you, Malfoy. And there are no feelings in my heart stronger than the ones I have for you."
"Well, you hate the Dark Lord as well, no doubt, but you won’t want to fuck him, would you?" Harry cringed. That idea was disturbing in too many ways. "It's lust combined with hate, which you have for me and me alone," Draco drawled in satisfaction, and his face suddenly disappeared from Harry's sight.
Draco was exceptionally fast in all his movements after those words. Seemed like even his professional, teasing patience had finally run dry. Before Harry even had time to ask Draco what he was doing now, he found himself lying on the ground completely naked - his torn pants and boxers discarded into the nearest bushes like some kind of meaningless garbage. When Draco repossessed Harry's erection in the same rough manner as before, Harry decided that dignity be damned, but he couldn't hold it anymore. He'd beg for contact, if that's what it took for Malfoy to hurry the hell up.
"Malfoy..." This was embarrassing, but Harry was going to stand it. "Please, Malfoy, could you just... OHMYGOD!!!"
The sensation came as a thunderbolt through his body. Considering that Harry was a virgin, and definitely never had that done to him before, the warm sensation of Malfoy's moist mouth nearly sent him into convulsions. He could never had imagined something could feel so unbelievably satisfying. Malfoy was extremely skilled at what he was doing, too, which surprised Harry quite a lot. Malfoy always seemed like a narrow-minded, straight forward guy who had the same girlfriend for the last three years and would never accept anything out of the ordinary. Thus, Harry had no idea where the blonde learned to suck dick that well, but it didn't really matter to him at the moment.
As Draco's tongue played across Harry's cock, tickled his balls and his mouth slid faster and faster up and down Harry's shaft, Harry started go get loud. He was digging his fingers into the ground, now pounding his hips forward madly releasing loud whimpers, which were occasionally replaced with loud screams of endearments and obscenities all at the same time.
Suddenly, Harry could feel an unfamiliar sensation of tightening which was painful but pleasantly so. It was as if all of his insides were tying tighter and tighter into a knot by the second. He wanted to scream - the situation was a little panicky - but could only gasp loudly, his lungs completely empty of air. It was in a second, though it seemed to Harry like an eternity, that some uncontrollable force practically through Harry's hips up, forcing his shaft as deep as it could go into Draco's mouth, and his balls tightened and momentarily released a wave of hot cum.
Harry collapsed painfully to the ground, gasping loudly for breath. His fists were clutching at the grass, and his whole body shivering. He felt Draco's warm body press tight against him by his side and two strong hands came around him.
"Wow, Potter. Haven't realized it was your first time, really." Draco's lips brushed Harry's ear oh so gently, making the Gryffindor shiver and snuggle even closer into his enemy's body. "Jeesh, scared the hell out of me - thought you were dying or something."
Harry smiled, though it faded from his lips almost as fast as it appeared. He was lying in the arms of Draco Malfoy - who was holding him very gently though very close for some reason - naked and sexually exhausted. Harry took in a sharp breath. Draco Malfoy made Harry Potter sexually exhausted. It even sounded ridiculous.
"Um... Should I..." Harry didn't really know how this worked. Draco didn't seem to be having second thoughts or doubts, and Harry felt like while Draco had fulfilled Harry's wishes, Harry was still to return the favor.
The blonde smirked. "Potter, I'll be surprised if you'll be able to get up after this." His voice carried a hint of pride. "It even works out for the best. You know you - with your sickening Gryffindor sense of justice - will not rest easy until you return the favor. And so you will, Potter. So many times still. Just not now. Concentrate on keeping your heart from jumping out of your chest for the moment." His warm hand placed itself firmly above Harry's heart.
"Malfoy, we gotta talk about this." Harry tried to get up, but the strong hands around him had him pinned to Draco's body. He kind of liked that - not that he was going to admit it to himself just yet until he cleared a few things up first. "This was a raging mistake. We both got carried away. You hate me. This can't go on and you know it."
"But you need me to hate you, Potter. So. Damn. Much. Remember?" Harry cursed himself. He said it and he meant it, though he really did wish he had kept that part to himself now. "You really do need me, Potter, to release all of this hate you carry inside of yourself. And I need you, because I have just as much, though I am more intelligent about it, of course. Don't try to understand it." Draco's hand found Harry's chin and turned it towards himself. "Just let me hate you, because I do. So much. Only you - always you."
"Always you..." Harry repeated, before cupping Draco's face and bringing it in for a passionate kiss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Harry walked into the Gryffindor Common room, he saw both Ron and Hermione sitting on the sofa in front of the long dead fire. Hermione was holding a Muggle book - Romeo and Juliet - a book Harry knew she had re-read about a thousand times. She would always quote it to them, but Harry could never understand it - never really tried to. Ron was staring at the chess set in front of him, which seemed to be playing a game of chess completely without Ron's participation. As soon as he walked in, both jumped up.
"Oh, God, you're alright!" Hermione burst into tears and made a move to throw herself into Harry's arms, but stopped half-way. Ron just looked up from his game wearily.
"I... I want to say something to the two of you," Harry said quietly, throwing a quick glance at his watch. It was four in the morning - he could hardy believe they stayed up so long just to wait for him. "I owe you both an apology." Both were now listening attentively. He had never said he was sorry for his behavior before. "I promise you," Harry put both his hands on his heart to increase the significance, "that from this point on I will never lash out at either of you again. I will never take it out on you again..." He paused and then continued, now so quietly they could barely hear him. "I love you guys so much..."
Hermione threw Ron a meaningful look before giving Harry a warm smile and completing the notion of throwing herself into his arms. Ron looked doubtful.
"Mate, it's great and all, but how do we know...?"
"Believe me," Harry said solemnly, looking straight into Ron's eyes, "I have found a way to release my anger without hurting the people I love."
"What?" Ron smiled suspiciously, giving Harry a look-over while shaking his hand heartily. "Not to be nosy or anything, but you look like you just..."
"Ron!!!" Hermione swung around and delivered a loud slap to his head. "It's none of your business!!"
"Jeesh, forget it!" He grinned and leaned in for a quick kiss from his girlfriend before waving to the both of them. "Find out sooner or later anyway. As for right now, I'm going to bed. Gonna recommend you do the same."
As Ron dragged himself lazily up the stairs to the boys' dormitories, Harry grabbed Hermione's arm, looking apologetic.
"Hey, 'mione..." He didn't know how he was going to ask this, but he felt like he had to. It was torturing him.
"Harry?" To Harry's surprise, Hermione looked like she expected it. "Lay it out, whatever it is."
"Just wanted to ask you... about hate and love." Hermione raised a brow. "Imagine you have the strongest feelings for somebody, and you were always convinced they were hate. But they're so strong that sometimes it makes you wonder that maybe it's the strongest out there... Which would be love... But you can't really love the person... I mean, you just can't - it's impossible. So maybe it's hate, but you see, you don't feel hate when you look at that person... You just... Feel so strongly."
"Hard to imagine myself in that situation, since it's beyond confusing," Hermione smiled, "but sure sounds like love to me. Just think about the person you hate the most - hate is a strong word, you know, Harry - and ask yourself if the feelings for whoever it is you're talking about are similar to that."
Voldemort. Hermione didn't want to say it, but that was what she meant. Harry definitely didn't feel anything close to what he felt for Voldemort for Draco. And hate was, indeed, a very strong word, but...
"But what if you love, but you can't? You just have to hate the person, or it would ruin everything..." Hermione looked at Harry in confusion. "No, forget everything I said."
"So..." Hermione contemplated. "You love, but you can't, so you hate?"
"Definitely," Harry shook his head and started to make his way to the boy's dormitories. "Sorry for confusing you. It's hate - that's the only word for it. Hate. Just don't ask."
"Alright," Hermione shrugged with a hint of a smile. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. No matter how you put it."
"What?" Harry swung around, but Hermione was already gone. He shrugged in irritation. Shakespeare - must have been. Ha hated the man. Why did he always have to speak in riddles?