Archie's birthday - a ballad
TITLE: The Ballad of Archie and Horatio
AUTHOR: mylodon
CHARACTERS: Horatio Hornblower, Archie Kennedy
RATING: PG13 for innuendo and more.
DISCLAIMER: Don't own them. Wish I did.
WORD COUNT: 359
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Happy birthday, Lt Kennedy! Inspired by, and to be sung to the tune of, Victoria Wood's "Ballad of Barry and Frieda".
A said:
Let's do it, let's do it,
It’s ages since we had some fun
In Pompey, you were feeling rompy,
We drunkenly ran out your gun
Your depth sounder, makes me flounder
Think about a practice shot with my half pounder
Let's do it, let's do it tonight.
And H said:
I can’t do it, I can’t do it
I think I heard Lieutenant Bush,
He’s zealous, gets jealous,
He needs a smacking in the mush.
Oh stop it, my poppet,
If Buckland caught us at it then we’re bound to cop it,
Can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight.
And A said:
Let's do it, let's do it,
Sawyer's gone to bed with gout,
He’s raving, I’m craving,
Time to let it all hang out,
In my cabin, chances we’d be nabbing,
Forty winks are not the things that I’ll be grabbing,
Let's do it, let's do it tonight.
And H said:
I can’t do it, I can’t do it
I think you’re getting oversexed,
All this ranting and the panting,
It’s starting to get me quite vexed
It’s shocking, to talk of hammocks rocking,
I’d rather get a piece of thread and darn my stocking,
Can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight.
And A said:
Let's do it, let's do it,
It’s time to go and have some fun
In the hold, we’ll be bold,
It’s time you loosened up, old chum
You’re pedantic, making me quite frantic
I want to get my end away in mid-Atlantic
Let's do it, let's do it tonight.
And H said:
I can’t do it, I can’t do it
I’ve got to catch up on my trig,
Sine and cosine, I’ll have no time
To handle anything too big
Stop gyrating, talking about mating,
Thoughts of Sawyer’s underpants should prove deflating,
Can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight.
And A said:
Let's do it, let's do it,
I’m beating you to quarters now
It’s so quiet, let’s cause a riot
Raking you from stem to bow
My old codger, I’m no bodger,
Running up your mainmast with the Jolly Roger
Let's do it, let's do it tonight.
AUTHOR: mylodon
CHARACTERS: Horatio Hornblower, Archie Kennedy
RATING: PG13 for innuendo and more.
DISCLAIMER: Don't own them. Wish I did.
WORD COUNT: 359
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Happy birthday, Lt Kennedy! Inspired by, and to be sung to the tune of, Victoria Wood's "Ballad of Barry and Frieda".
A said:
Let's do it, let's do it,
It’s ages since we had some fun
In Pompey, you were feeling rompy,
We drunkenly ran out your gun
Your depth sounder, makes me flounder
Think about a practice shot with my half pounder
Let's do it, let's do it tonight.
And H said:
I can’t do it, I can’t do it
I think I heard Lieutenant Bush,
He’s zealous, gets jealous,
He needs a smacking in the mush.
Oh stop it, my poppet,
If Buckland caught us at it then we’re bound to cop it,
Can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight.
And A said:
Let's do it, let's do it,
Sawyer's gone to bed with gout,
He’s raving, I’m craving,
Time to let it all hang out,
In my cabin, chances we’d be nabbing,
Forty winks are not the things that I’ll be grabbing,
Let's do it, let's do it tonight.
And H said:
I can’t do it, I can’t do it
I think you’re getting oversexed,
All this ranting and the panting,
It’s starting to get me quite vexed
It’s shocking, to talk of hammocks rocking,
I’d rather get a piece of thread and darn my stocking,
Can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight.
And A said:
Let's do it, let's do it,
It’s time to go and have some fun
In the hold, we’ll be bold,
It’s time you loosened up, old chum
You’re pedantic, making me quite frantic
I want to get my end away in mid-Atlantic
Let's do it, let's do it tonight.
And H said:
I can’t do it, I can’t do it
I’ve got to catch up on my trig,
Sine and cosine, I’ll have no time
To handle anything too big
Stop gyrating, talking about mating,
Thoughts of Sawyer’s underpants should prove deflating,
Can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight.
And A said:
Let's do it, let's do it,
I’m beating you to quarters now
It’s so quiet, let’s cause a riot
Raking you from stem to bow
My old codger, I’m no bodger,
Running up your mainmast with the Jolly Roger
Let's do it, let's do it tonight.