ϡ - Chapter TwentyThree; In which one deals with tricky spells [video/action for housemates/voice]

[folkloristic]

[ You can have a view of Helios leaning back in his chair, rather comfortably actually. He's in his room and in said background are scattered papers and objects. Incidentally he doesn't have his glasses on today, might be due to the fact that he's conducting a delicate experiment in his room. Keyword being delicate. If you catch a glimpse of any of

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[Voice | Filtered 100%] | Way after everything else that happens and possibly placeholdery

[semper_cogitans]

[Whatever ends up happening with Adell, yesterday, it hurts just as much today, feels just as much like an emotional kick in the stomach.

Part of Robert desperately wants to be alone, desperately wants to withdraw from everybody and everything, and it takes a Herculean amount of effort to finally contact Helios after hours of making a filter for this message, only to find himself putting it off and deflecting it and trying in vain to ignore just how much it hurts - Don't get close, you can't get close, what if you lose him too?]

H-Helios...

...

C-Can... can... c-can I speak to you...?

[Voice | Filtered 100%]

[folkloristic]

[ Robert doesn't sound good at all. It actually brings Helios to worry rather abruptly and you'll hear him sit up straighter in his chair. Now that his room is back in order he can get on with things as normal, possibly go about and try to fix his spell again.

But he knows this he's going to put it off, if only to make sure Robert is okay. ] Robert?

What's wrong?

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[semper_cogitans]

[Things are very, very far from okay.]

...

...

[Robert's voice is very, very small and broken when he next replies. He's screamed and cried and sobbed already to himself. Right now he doesn't have anything left except for the yawning emptiness.]

V-Vivi is gone.

She, sh-she... went back...

[Home, he thinks, but it doesn't feel like home.]

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[folkloristic]

Robert...do you-do you want me to stop by? [ Helios sounds genuinely concerned because he's never heard you like this. ]

I'm so sorry. It's...it's never easy. You...you shouldn't be alone right now. [ Even if it's not him Donatello or someone else should go over there just to be safe. ]

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[semper_cogitans]

[You shouldn't be alone right now. It's almost ironic.]

I-If... if... i-if I never, n-never got close, then... then...

Th-then I... I wouldn't have...

[He trails off brokenly, unable to put words to this concept. The same concept that drove him to flee a five year relationship after it failed instead of trying to fix it. The same concept that drove him to isolate himself during his formative school years. The same concept that has made him hide in his room before in Luceti; that's making him do that now out of the same sick, gnawing terror.]

...

What if it takes you or Don - [His voice breaks there. He'd been desperately hoping against hope that it wouldn't and now the sickening possibility has very literally been thrown in his face.

Maybe it's selfish to want to keep them here, away from their real worlds, just for his sake.

But he doesn't want to be alone anymore. And the hardest part is that, now, the only thing he can think to do is be alone.]

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[folkloristic]

No. Robert it wasn't... [ A small sigh. ]

It wasn't your fault at all. When people go home...we can't control that.

I can't say it's not a possibility but-but you shouldn't blame yourself for this.

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[semper_cogitans]

I... I... it's... i-it isn't that, that it's m-my fault that... that sh-she, that she went h-h-home...

...

It's... m-my fault... for, f-for letting... letting her mean so much...

[He loves her. He loves her so deeply and so dearly now - he hadn't even truly appreciated it until it was ripped away painfully... His daughter. His Vivi. He's never going to see her beautiful smiling face ever again, never going to hear her pretty voice, never going to see that one particular hat atop those blonde tresses...]

...

I-Is... is it worth all this... pain...?

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[folkloristic]

No it's not your fault. How could you have known that this would happen? It's-it's always hard finding out someone you were close with has gone home. I-I know, it's happened to me before when, when Giles left. [ It did hurt and yet it was worth the pain. Except learning that when he had gone back home and had died that...that hurt too. ]

It is. It's worth every single blow because you have fond memories of her, memories that you can carry with you to make you stronger.

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[semper_cogitans]

[Robert almost feels selfish then, knowing that Helios must have suffered like he did. Perhaps almost worse than he did... though it doesn't make his own pain about Vivi's loss go away, it does put it in context. A little.]

...

I... I d-don't know if I can be strong, Helios...

I... I w-want to hide again...

[This might be a plea to stop him before he can't stop himself.]

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[folkloristic]

You can. I know you can. It's hard...I know but you-you can't let them win. You can't stop yourself from getting close to people just because you know the outcome might be them leaving this place. It's a hard concept to even justify but being alone is never a solution for this place.

I'm not going to let you do that, unfortunately. [ And you can hear him getting up out of his chair and he'll drawing a teleportation circle after doing so. Helios is coming over Robert because you obviously need someone there at the moment. He wonders if Donatello would be angry though and decides there's not much time for debating the issue. ]

[Action]

[semper_cogitans]

[By this point, Robert has broken down again, and he's sobbing gently in his room. Hearing Helios' voice both hurt and helped - but mostly hurt because it makes Robert want him there but he can't because he can't be close because getting close is dangerous...

"I'm not going to let you do that". Part of Robert had hoped to hear that Helios wasn't going to allow him to be alone. The other part fears this fact, but knows there's little he can do to stop it.

When Helios actually teleports into the apartment, he'll probably find Robert curled up in a seat, looking like complete shit. His face is streaked with tears and he looks bedraggled and in general probably needs to be held a very long time.]

[Action]

[folkloristic]

I-I'm here. [ He did look horrible, absolutely horrible. And Helios immediately goes to the scientist side a cold comforting hand finding itself on his shoulder. Helios gives a light squeeze just to make his ] Robert look at me, please.

[ His tone is soft, barely above a whisper. He wants to help...because he knows how it feels to lose someone like this. It's a pain that's hard to accept and come back from and for someone like Robert it's probably ten times as difficult. ]

[Action]

[semper_cogitans]

[Robert's only response at first is to shiver gently against the chair, barely looking up at Helios' words - and then Helios puts a hand on his shoulder and it makes him break inside all over again. A real friend, somebody who bothered to want to come and comfort him when he was sad, and at any moment Robert could lose him through something he couldn't even control. It wouldn't even be his fault this time.

It's a struggle, but eventually he manages to lift his chin and meet the headmaster's worried gaze. He has a profound expression of loss in his foggy gray eyes, and they're bloodshot and swollen from far too much crying.

I know that I want to be alone, but... ... but don't leave me alone...

He just wants to be held and loved right now. Wants somebody to promise to stay with him, just for a little while...]

H-Helios...

[Action]

[folkloristic]

[ Helios is conflicted he doesn't know if he's doing the right thing or not. But he can't just let Robert stay here alone. Those eyes, god, Helios is reminded of himself. It's almost like looking in a mirror, because what Robert doesn't know is the other loss--Elise. Obviously it's not the same because Vivi was certainly alive and well back home. But still the sheer amount of pain Robert is in over all this makes him think of himself three years ago. ]

I'm not going anywhere. Don't worry.

[ He gives a gentle smile back at Robert allowing him to do as he pleases. But he will slowly, and a bit awkwardly, wrap his arm around both of Robert's shoulders now. ]

[Action]

[semper_cogitans]

[Helios' awkward half-embrace prompts Robert to lay his head against the other man, his body wracked with another shuddering sob. He's so goddamned wonderful, and that's precisely the reason Robert hates how close he is; how beautiful a person he is - a person who would've been impossible to meet on Terra for him, because he didn't know to try to reach out - and the whole reason he didn't was because of loss like this.

He wishes Helios could really mean those words. But... it's good enough right now.

One of Robert's slender little arms, if allowed, will snake around Helios' waist to hold him close. But Robert's definitely going to cry softly against him, either way.]

I... ... she... s-she left a letter... a-and, and a r-replica of... of her h-hat...

Oh gods Helios, wh-what I wouldn't g-give to... t-to be able to s-see her...

[He knows she has a family at home...

... but, damnit, she feels like his daughter, just like Helios feels like his friend.]

[Action]

[folkloristic]

[ Helios actually doesn't mind that or at least he may shift a little but that's the only motion that showcases his discomfort. He simply gives Robert another reassuring squeeze, just to make it known that he cares. ]

I'm so sorry Robert. I-I'm sorry I can't do anything for you, besides be here and tell you everything will be alright.

[ At this moment in time Helios isn't sure if it is...but he, he'll do whatever he can to make the other feel better at least. ] I'm sure she appreciates all you did for her.