New Fanfic
Just a quick hello and thanks to all of you and especially you authors who have kept me entertained in this Fandom. I really would like to reciprocate and have actually written a story which I would like to post here.
Unfortunately it is not beta read. And I know that the flow of the story is not very good, the dialogue is not to my liking either. I don't think I have the nerve (much less the time) to do much editing on this story anymore anyway. Therefore I would like to give it away under a Creative Common licence to whoever would like to run with it and do something with the idea behind this.
More info and the first part of the story behind the Cut
Title: Just the way you are
Author: Cam
Pairing: Jo/Blair
Rating: R - just to be on the safe side, mostly PG
Word count: 8551
Author's note: Beware - non-native English speaker's first-time femslash attempt - unbeta'd - inspired by Misty Flores' "Bright Lights" and Billy Joel's "Just the way you are"
SPOILER: This story takes place in the 9th season, around episode “Something in Common”
DISCLAIMER: The Facts of Life and its characters are the property of Columbia Pictures Television and Sony Pictures Television, no infringement intended. This was written solely for fun. No profit of any kind is being made from this.
Summary: What if it's Blair tying Jo's bow instead of Beverly-Ann in “Something in common”.
Chapter 1
Jo felt utterly stupid for having accepted Rick's invitation to a reverse costume party. She didn't feel like going out with him or with any other guy for that matter.
Looking into the mirror watching her reflexion in a black tuxedo Jo questioned her lucidity for ever agreeing to go to this stupid party where women had to dress up as men and men as women.
After a few meek protests Rick's charm and enthusiasm had won her over and she had caved.
It was Blair's costume she was wearing. They had about the same size although Blair was a bit shorter and had more curves in the right places whereas Jo had more bosom but less ass. Turning a last time in front of the mirror Jo conceded she didn't look half bad in the tux, wondering what Blair would look like in it.
When she had told Natalie and Tootie of her invitation a week ago over breakfast, Blair having already left for school, they were eager to exclaim their envy in Jo's luck in being asked out to this particular party since it sounded like so much fun. They congratulated her on having won over Rick, a guy who was well-liked by many. They had been full of ideas and advise about what to wear that the brunette almost felt remorse in ever having had regrets about accepting Rick's invitation, almost. It had been Natalie's idea to ask Blair for her costume and Jo was more than surprised to learn that Blair not only owned a men's suit but had also dressed in it on at least one occasion as Nat explained. Jo wondered for the umpteenth time how it had come to this estrangement from her best friend. She still shared a room with Blair but somehow they had grown apart, their life and schedule no longer matching. Neither willing or caring to change this.
Now Jo tried to tie the bow, the final touch to her costume. After the third attempt she gave up, leaving her and Blair's room on the search for someone who might be able to tie this stupid accessory for her. Surely Beverly-Ann had done her fair share of tying her ex-husband's bows, she would know how to deal with this.
The brunette's temper was starting to flare, her discontentment overwhelming her for the first time in a long while. Jo wasn't happy and she admitted to herself she hadn't been happy for quite some time now. She wanted to stay home curl up in front of the TV and enjoy a quiet evening, longing to forgot about the boring details of her life where nothing seemed to fit and where other people's expectations overruled each and every decision she made.
Her father expected her to make money, her mother and aunts expected her to procreate, have a family and children. Mrs Garret had expected her to put her knowledge and excellent grades to good use and perhaps pursue an academic career. Natalie and Tootie expected her to enjoy her youth and partake in all the parties she was invited to. Beverly-Ann expected her to get herself a faithful husband and to keep him. And now Rick expected her to be a good sport and even better dinner companion and to have fun with him.
With all these expectations weighing heavy on her shoulders Jo's indecision about what to do with her life grew exponentially.
Only what Blair expected of her these days eluded her completely. Perhaps the blonde didn't even expect anything from her anymore. Jo couldn't tell at this point in their lives.
No, she didn't want to go out and have the good time Tootie and Natalie had wished her before they both had disappeared to a party at one or other of the sorority houses on campus.
She didn't want to enjoy herself, not after she had learned Blair would be staying home probably to study. Jo hadn't really expected this, not after the blonde had exited their room clad in a red, tight fitting dress leaving Jo alone with her tux. The blonde had looked gorgeous in that dress and ready to go on a date of her own.
Perhaps what Natalie had told Jo was true after all, it seemed it had been a very long time since Blair had gone out with any of her many suitors.
“She is really serious about becoming a lawyer,“ Nat had related. “I'm convinced it's the right decision she's concentrating on family law, she'll be really good at it.“ Jo had only been able to nod she hadn't been privy to any of Blair's plans, this information completely foreign to her and she suddenly felt very detached.
Jo walked around the house and the shop searching for Beverly-Ann. Finally she entered the kitchen with a sense of trepidation. She hadn't encountered Blair on her search and this probably meant that Blair was in the kitchen and Jo sincerely hoped Beverly-Ann would be as well. Lately Jo found communicating with her best friend a strain, preferring to avoid the blonde altogether. It was as if Jo was unworthy, Blair having gotten on with her life, developing into a responsible citizen while Jo still hadn't decided what to do with her life. Shouldn't it be the other way around? World-wise and savvy Jo, a survivor of the Bronx should be the one setting an example for Blair, the unworldly naive little woman. Jo felt more confused and insecure than ever around her friend and had therefore cut their contact to a minimum.
Of course Blair was the only person in the kitchen, occupied with making a cheese omelet, which Jo never would have thought her friend capable of.
“Have you seen Beverly-Ann?”
“No,” Blair mumbled around a piece of cheese.
Jo was about to turn and leave the kitchen when Blair said: “Need help with your tie?”
“No, I'm sure Rick will be able to help me.”
“I'll tie it for you if you want? Then you'll be all ready to go when Rick arrives.”
Blair had not yet turned around still watching the frying pan. The blonde was acutely aware of Jo's discomfort in her presence, wondering for the umpteenth time what she had done to provoke such behavior. There had been a time she would have craved for a quiet evening, just the two of them, reading or watching an old movie. Now the silence that would encompass them on such occasions felt uncomfortable and stilted. She could not help wondering if Jo had somehow become aware of the recent developments in Blair's life, the emotional chaos and turmoil she finally had come to terms with. Perhaps Tootie and Natalie had not adhered to her request to remain silent on the subject until she herself found the nerve to tell Jo.
Blair looked over her shoulder, stealthily eying Jo fidgeting with the black ribbon. Immediately turning towards the stove the moment she sensed Jo's eyes darting towards her.
“'kay.”
Blair cleaned her hands on a nearby towel and stepped in front of Jo. Her fingers trembled and she was sure Jo would notice but she couldn't help reacting to the nearness of her once best friend. Blair couldn't recall a time in recent months she had been this close to Jo without the other woman bolting away from her presence.
Finishing the bow, Blair let her fingers trail down the tuxedo's lapels like she would do after tying the bow for her father. She had the presence of mind though to stop just short off the beginning swell of Jo's breasts. Fingers dropping to her sides Blair took in Jo's appearance.
“You look dashing, I wouldn't mind to take you out on a date...”
Blair was shocked as soon as the last syllable had left her mouth. Did she just say this out loud?
“What?” Jo hadn't been listening, deep in thoughts of her own.
Jo couldn't remember the last time she had been so close to the blonde, perhaps never this close before. They were almost the same height, Jo maybe standing two inches taller. Under hooded lids she carefully watched Blair's fingers just beneath her chin. She made the mistake of looking further down to be able to see how Blair tied the bow. Her chin grazed Blair's fingers and as if struck by lightning Jo's head shot up.
Blair was talking to her, but Jo hadn't heard any of it. Embarrassed Jo berated herself for acting so childishly in front of her best friend. Honestly she could not say what was wrong with her. By now she was almost used to the feeling of unrest, of not knowing her place in life but she still couldn't get used to the fact that these feelings grew tenfold whenever she was in Blair's presence.
Beverly-Ann choose that moment to announce Rick's arrival by barging into the kitchen congratulating Jo on the perfect outfit.
As if in a haze, Jo shook her head and looked over to Blair who had already gone back to tend to the frying pan, but try as she might she could not recall what Blair had said to her the moment before Beverly-Ann had interrupted them, she could just remember seeing Blair blush heavily. Banning any further thoughts of the blonde from her mind Jo exited the kitchen intent on having a good time.
***
Blair relaxed on the couch, the house feeling empty after Beverly-Ann had gone to bed early. The young law student had intended to study but after having read the same paragraph twice without grasping the meaning of its content she laid the law text aside. Mind whirling and resting on its favorite subject for these past few months: her friendship with Jo or what remained of it.
Their relationship had gone from adversaries to friends, best friends even, over a span of nearly eight years. Eight eventful years in which they had not only shared rooms but also their secrets, dreams and hopes.
Lately Blair did not feel as though Jo was her friend anymore or that Jo even cared whether the blonde was her friend or not. The brunette appeared to be distant and aloof, especially to her.
Not one to accept defeat easily, Blair had tried to get a rise out of Jo on various occasions, desperately wishing for a glimpse of the old, hot-tempered Jo, to no avail. The brunette remained calm or plain ignored her.
During a weekend alone at her mother's residence on Fifth Avenue Blair had come to the tearful conclusion that she had to move on with her life, had to forget Jo, forget about Jo, something the brunette obviously had already accomplished. With the realization came hurt and a dawning understanding: Blair loved Jo, was in love with Jo.
There was no chance in the world Jo would return her feelings. No, Joanna Marie Polniaczek played for the straight team. And now with Rick on the horizon it might not be much longer before she would fulfill the expectations of normalcy which had been laid on her rather slim shoulders by society, family and friends: marry Rick and have children.
With bitterness Blair contemplated that she would probably not even be asked to be the maid of honor. If possible that thought stung even more. The loss of the friendship, the very real prospect of it weighed far heavier than the impossible dream of a love that could never be.
On that weekend Blair learned a lot about herself and by the end of it she was ready to acknowledge to herself that she was gay.
Although Blair never lacked male companionship, she had never felt compelled to go any further with any of her suitors than kissing and some fully clothed groping. She simply hadn't been exited by them. To her, masturbating always held a bigger lure than the thought of having sex. Blair couldn't understand how one could be turned on just by kissing a man - stubbles and all - and had questioned herself even more when Natalie had told her she was contemplating having sex with her boyfriend because she simply couldn't wait any longer.
The only person she could imagine having mind blowing sex with was Jo. Blair had to admit to herself that thoughts of the lanky brunette had sweetened her self-induced orgasms on several occasions. With a new sense of loss she realized she should ban thoughts of Jo in any other capacity than a mere acquaintance. Blair could only hope that this resolution would bring her the much needed freedom to explore her new-found sexuality with other women.
These revelations had happened two month ago, enough time for Blair to confirm her suspicion and to embrace her sexual orientation. She had spoken to a counselor, attended a local GLAAD meeting and had accompanied two girls she had been introduced to at that meeting to a lesbian night club on the outskirts of Peekskill. She had enjoyed herself although no one at the club had immediately caught her attention. Mocking green eyes kept haunting her but Blair had found at least one or two women very attractive which gave her hope that with time she would be able to forget a certain brunette.
Blair was ready to tell her friends and with the exception of Jo had done so. The brunette seemed to avoid her like the plague and the opportunity to talk with her about this topic had not yet presented itself. Blair feared that Jo's behavior meant it never would and that she had lost her best friend at a time she needed her the most.
After pondering the question what Jo knew or didn't know or had just guessed about Blair's sexual orientation for over an hour an how it might have effected their friendship, exhaustion claimed her and the blonde fell into a fitful sleep on the couch.
***
t was way past one o'clock in the morning when a very weary Jo entered the house. The evening had been nicer than expected at first, Rick wining and dining her, tending to her every wish which was a welcome change from some of her former dates. But it had been tiring none the less. Rick was a clown and took it upon himself to entertain everyone at their table. Although she had laughed along with the rest of the group the realization dawned that his repertoire of bawdy jokes was not limitless. In fact she recognized at least three stories he'd already told her on other occasions. They had been funny then but lost on the second recounting and Jo feared that when she continued to date Rick she would be subjected to them on a regular basis.
Later the crowd had thinned and she was able to talk with Rick about more serious topics. She had enjoyed herself than until, feeling at ease, she had revealed the problem she'd been pondering for quite some time without coming to a solution.
Rick had laughed right at her face and she was more disappointed in him than she would care to admit.
“A cop, oh Jo, that is priceless. You can't be serious not a slip of a woman like you.” She tried to convince him that she was indeed serious about her career choice that she had all the papers ready for her application, that in fact she would be able to take the Candidate Seminar in less than a fortnight. But Rick wouldn't listen. He had set his mind on it that this was one big hoax.
She couldn't really blame him, he was in good company, anyone she had told about her plans had either laughed at her or tried to talk her out of it.
Her mother: “You cannot be serious about this Joanna, not with all the hardship I had to go through to ensure you had the education anyone around here can only dream of. And now you're going to throw it all away.”
Her father: “You wanna be a cop, after all they have done to me, I am disappointed in you, Jo.”
Only what Blair thought about her choices eluded Jo.
When, about a month ago, Jo had mentioned her plans over breakfast, with Blair, Natalie, Tootie, Pippa, Andy and Beverly-Ann present, everyone had started to voice their opinion. In typical Blair fashion - the rich-bitch manner, as Jo had dubbed it years ago to herself - the blonde had leaned over to Jo and muttered: “Are you quite sure about any of this? The uniform will clash horribly with your complexion.”
After that she had evaded Blair and any overtures the blonde had made in discussing this topic, surprised Blair kept trying to approach her about it.
Now, there on the couch, illuminated by a lamp on one of the side tables, lay the object of her thoughts, the manifestation of her uneasiness: Blair. She didn't look comfortable, her head in an odd angle. Jo contemplated waking her friend but dismissed the thought. No doubt a wakeful Blair would want to try to talk with her and Jo was in no mood to hear another objection to her career choice. The only concession she made for old times sake was grabbing the green plaid which lay folded on the couch's side arm and placing it over the sleeping beauty.
Walking up the stairs and into the room she shared with Blair, Jo couldn't help wondering about the nature of their relationship.
They had fought tooth and nail, had thrown insults and profanities at each other and yet their animosity had turned into friendship the sort of friendship you endure anything for, you would go to hell and back for.
Unbidden the sweet memories of her friendship with Blair came rushing forward. Being imprisoned together for entering a bar underage, a paint fight in their old room, a silent train ride back from New York City, singing in a car, enjoying each other's company in Sydney...
No she had to stop this, all of these memories were just that: memories. Something their time together would be in less than a year. There would be no new memories to make. At least that's what her Mom had said, and her Mom was always right wasn't she.
“Forget about Blair. I know your friendship means a lot to you but the sooner you understand that it will be over as soon as you both start your own lives the better. After all she belongs to a very different world than us and you can't expect her to remember you when she is ensconced in her old life.”
“Blair isn't like that, Mom.”
“Believe me, child, she is. Whether you like it or not. I have lived longer than you and mind my words. If she remains in contact with you she 'll do so out of a sense of obligation rather than any true sentiment, some sort of kindness bestowed on the less fortunate. As much as you might wish, you'll never be equal to the likes of Blair Warner and the sooner you understand that the better. Haven't I told you before, that I think it unhealthy that you have stayed roommates with her for so long, you'd been better off rooming on-campus with some other scholarship student.”
“But, Mom, we've discussed this before, I couldn't afford it.”
“Hush, your father and I would have helped you, don't you worry, and don't speak to me like a petulant teenager. Don't you raise your voice when you talk to me, I have had quiet enough of that with your Dad. You are a young woman now, start behaving like one.”
Jo cringed at the harsh words but the meaning of them had filled her with a sense of dread and a nauseous feeling. She couldn't stomach any more of these truths. And so it was with a very small voice that she'd asked: “Mom, can we please stop this topic?”
She had felt the same nausea watching Blair sleep just now.
Why couldn't she simply forget about Blair, like her Mother had told her. Indifference was the key. She had tried the recipe and the result seemed to be lacking. Where there once had been laughter, shared secrets, companionable silence there was now strained conversations, evasion and emptiness. Nothing made sense anymore, why could she not just remember the bad things, Blair's shallowness, her annoying habits, like the small sighs with which the blonde always seemed to beg for anyone's attention.
Unfortunately it is not beta read. And I know that the flow of the story is not very good, the dialogue is not to my liking either. I don't think I have the nerve (much less the time) to do much editing on this story anymore anyway. Therefore I would like to give it away under a Creative Common licence to whoever would like to run with it and do something with the idea behind this.
More info and the first part of the story behind the Cut
Title: Just the way you are
Author: Cam
Pairing: Jo/Blair
Rating: R - just to be on the safe side, mostly PG
Word count: 8551
Author's note: Beware - non-native English speaker's first-time femslash attempt - unbeta'd - inspired by Misty Flores' "Bright Lights" and Billy Joel's "Just the way you are"
SPOILER: This story takes place in the 9th season, around episode “Something in Common”
DISCLAIMER: The Facts of Life and its characters are the property of Columbia Pictures Television and Sony Pictures Television, no infringement intended. This was written solely for fun. No profit of any kind is being made from this.
Summary: What if it's Blair tying Jo's bow instead of Beverly-Ann in “Something in common”.
Chapter 1
Jo felt utterly stupid for having accepted Rick's invitation to a reverse costume party. She didn't feel like going out with him or with any other guy for that matter.
Looking into the mirror watching her reflexion in a black tuxedo Jo questioned her lucidity for ever agreeing to go to this stupid party where women had to dress up as men and men as women.
After a few meek protests Rick's charm and enthusiasm had won her over and she had caved.
It was Blair's costume she was wearing. They had about the same size although Blair was a bit shorter and had more curves in the right places whereas Jo had more bosom but less ass. Turning a last time in front of the mirror Jo conceded she didn't look half bad in the tux, wondering what Blair would look like in it.
When she had told Natalie and Tootie of her invitation a week ago over breakfast, Blair having already left for school, they were eager to exclaim their envy in Jo's luck in being asked out to this particular party since it sounded like so much fun. They congratulated her on having won over Rick, a guy who was well-liked by many. They had been full of ideas and advise about what to wear that the brunette almost felt remorse in ever having had regrets about accepting Rick's invitation, almost. It had been Natalie's idea to ask Blair for her costume and Jo was more than surprised to learn that Blair not only owned a men's suit but had also dressed in it on at least one occasion as Nat explained. Jo wondered for the umpteenth time how it had come to this estrangement from her best friend. She still shared a room with Blair but somehow they had grown apart, their life and schedule no longer matching. Neither willing or caring to change this.
Now Jo tried to tie the bow, the final touch to her costume. After the third attempt she gave up, leaving her and Blair's room on the search for someone who might be able to tie this stupid accessory for her. Surely Beverly-Ann had done her fair share of tying her ex-husband's bows, she would know how to deal with this.
The brunette's temper was starting to flare, her discontentment overwhelming her for the first time in a long while. Jo wasn't happy and she admitted to herself she hadn't been happy for quite some time now. She wanted to stay home curl up in front of the TV and enjoy a quiet evening, longing to forgot about the boring details of her life where nothing seemed to fit and where other people's expectations overruled each and every decision she made.
Her father expected her to make money, her mother and aunts expected her to procreate, have a family and children. Mrs Garret had expected her to put her knowledge and excellent grades to good use and perhaps pursue an academic career. Natalie and Tootie expected her to enjoy her youth and partake in all the parties she was invited to. Beverly-Ann expected her to get herself a faithful husband and to keep him. And now Rick expected her to be a good sport and even better dinner companion and to have fun with him.
With all these expectations weighing heavy on her shoulders Jo's indecision about what to do with her life grew exponentially.
Only what Blair expected of her these days eluded her completely. Perhaps the blonde didn't even expect anything from her anymore. Jo couldn't tell at this point in their lives.
No, she didn't want to go out and have the good time Tootie and Natalie had wished her before they both had disappeared to a party at one or other of the sorority houses on campus.
She didn't want to enjoy herself, not after she had learned Blair would be staying home probably to study. Jo hadn't really expected this, not after the blonde had exited their room clad in a red, tight fitting dress leaving Jo alone with her tux. The blonde had looked gorgeous in that dress and ready to go on a date of her own.
Perhaps what Natalie had told Jo was true after all, it seemed it had been a very long time since Blair had gone out with any of her many suitors.
“She is really serious about becoming a lawyer,“ Nat had related. “I'm convinced it's the right decision she's concentrating on family law, she'll be really good at it.“ Jo had only been able to nod she hadn't been privy to any of Blair's plans, this information completely foreign to her and she suddenly felt very detached.
Jo walked around the house and the shop searching for Beverly-Ann. Finally she entered the kitchen with a sense of trepidation. She hadn't encountered Blair on her search and this probably meant that Blair was in the kitchen and Jo sincerely hoped Beverly-Ann would be as well. Lately Jo found communicating with her best friend a strain, preferring to avoid the blonde altogether. It was as if Jo was unworthy, Blair having gotten on with her life, developing into a responsible citizen while Jo still hadn't decided what to do with her life. Shouldn't it be the other way around? World-wise and savvy Jo, a survivor of the Bronx should be the one setting an example for Blair, the unworldly naive little woman. Jo felt more confused and insecure than ever around her friend and had therefore cut their contact to a minimum.
Of course Blair was the only person in the kitchen, occupied with making a cheese omelet, which Jo never would have thought her friend capable of.
“Have you seen Beverly-Ann?”
“No,” Blair mumbled around a piece of cheese.
Jo was about to turn and leave the kitchen when Blair said: “Need help with your tie?”
“No, I'm sure Rick will be able to help me.”
“I'll tie it for you if you want? Then you'll be all ready to go when Rick arrives.”
Blair had not yet turned around still watching the frying pan. The blonde was acutely aware of Jo's discomfort in her presence, wondering for the umpteenth time what she had done to provoke such behavior. There had been a time she would have craved for a quiet evening, just the two of them, reading or watching an old movie. Now the silence that would encompass them on such occasions felt uncomfortable and stilted. She could not help wondering if Jo had somehow become aware of the recent developments in Blair's life, the emotional chaos and turmoil she finally had come to terms with. Perhaps Tootie and Natalie had not adhered to her request to remain silent on the subject until she herself found the nerve to tell Jo.
Blair looked over her shoulder, stealthily eying Jo fidgeting with the black ribbon. Immediately turning towards the stove the moment she sensed Jo's eyes darting towards her.
“'kay.”
Blair cleaned her hands on a nearby towel and stepped in front of Jo. Her fingers trembled and she was sure Jo would notice but she couldn't help reacting to the nearness of her once best friend. Blair couldn't recall a time in recent months she had been this close to Jo without the other woman bolting away from her presence.
Finishing the bow, Blair let her fingers trail down the tuxedo's lapels like she would do after tying the bow for her father. She had the presence of mind though to stop just short off the beginning swell of Jo's breasts. Fingers dropping to her sides Blair took in Jo's appearance.
“You look dashing, I wouldn't mind to take you out on a date...”
Blair was shocked as soon as the last syllable had left her mouth. Did she just say this out loud?
“What?” Jo hadn't been listening, deep in thoughts of her own.
Jo couldn't remember the last time she had been so close to the blonde, perhaps never this close before. They were almost the same height, Jo maybe standing two inches taller. Under hooded lids she carefully watched Blair's fingers just beneath her chin. She made the mistake of looking further down to be able to see how Blair tied the bow. Her chin grazed Blair's fingers and as if struck by lightning Jo's head shot up.
Blair was talking to her, but Jo hadn't heard any of it. Embarrassed Jo berated herself for acting so childishly in front of her best friend. Honestly she could not say what was wrong with her. By now she was almost used to the feeling of unrest, of not knowing her place in life but she still couldn't get used to the fact that these feelings grew tenfold whenever she was in Blair's presence.
Beverly-Ann choose that moment to announce Rick's arrival by barging into the kitchen congratulating Jo on the perfect outfit.
As if in a haze, Jo shook her head and looked over to Blair who had already gone back to tend to the frying pan, but try as she might she could not recall what Blair had said to her the moment before Beverly-Ann had interrupted them, she could just remember seeing Blair blush heavily. Banning any further thoughts of the blonde from her mind Jo exited the kitchen intent on having a good time.
***
Blair relaxed on the couch, the house feeling empty after Beverly-Ann had gone to bed early. The young law student had intended to study but after having read the same paragraph twice without grasping the meaning of its content she laid the law text aside. Mind whirling and resting on its favorite subject for these past few months: her friendship with Jo or what remained of it.
Their relationship had gone from adversaries to friends, best friends even, over a span of nearly eight years. Eight eventful years in which they had not only shared rooms but also their secrets, dreams and hopes.
Lately Blair did not feel as though Jo was her friend anymore or that Jo even cared whether the blonde was her friend or not. The brunette appeared to be distant and aloof, especially to her.
Not one to accept defeat easily, Blair had tried to get a rise out of Jo on various occasions, desperately wishing for a glimpse of the old, hot-tempered Jo, to no avail. The brunette remained calm or plain ignored her.
During a weekend alone at her mother's residence on Fifth Avenue Blair had come to the tearful conclusion that she had to move on with her life, had to forget Jo, forget about Jo, something the brunette obviously had already accomplished. With the realization came hurt and a dawning understanding: Blair loved Jo, was in love with Jo.
There was no chance in the world Jo would return her feelings. No, Joanna Marie Polniaczek played for the straight team. And now with Rick on the horizon it might not be much longer before she would fulfill the expectations of normalcy which had been laid on her rather slim shoulders by society, family and friends: marry Rick and have children.
With bitterness Blair contemplated that she would probably not even be asked to be the maid of honor. If possible that thought stung even more. The loss of the friendship, the very real prospect of it weighed far heavier than the impossible dream of a love that could never be.
On that weekend Blair learned a lot about herself and by the end of it she was ready to acknowledge to herself that she was gay.
Although Blair never lacked male companionship, she had never felt compelled to go any further with any of her suitors than kissing and some fully clothed groping. She simply hadn't been exited by them. To her, masturbating always held a bigger lure than the thought of having sex. Blair couldn't understand how one could be turned on just by kissing a man - stubbles and all - and had questioned herself even more when Natalie had told her she was contemplating having sex with her boyfriend because she simply couldn't wait any longer.
The only person she could imagine having mind blowing sex with was Jo. Blair had to admit to herself that thoughts of the lanky brunette had sweetened her self-induced orgasms on several occasions. With a new sense of loss she realized she should ban thoughts of Jo in any other capacity than a mere acquaintance. Blair could only hope that this resolution would bring her the much needed freedom to explore her new-found sexuality with other women.
These revelations had happened two month ago, enough time for Blair to confirm her suspicion and to embrace her sexual orientation. She had spoken to a counselor, attended a local GLAAD meeting and had accompanied two girls she had been introduced to at that meeting to a lesbian night club on the outskirts of Peekskill. She had enjoyed herself although no one at the club had immediately caught her attention. Mocking green eyes kept haunting her but Blair had found at least one or two women very attractive which gave her hope that with time she would be able to forget a certain brunette.
Blair was ready to tell her friends and with the exception of Jo had done so. The brunette seemed to avoid her like the plague and the opportunity to talk with her about this topic had not yet presented itself. Blair feared that Jo's behavior meant it never would and that she had lost her best friend at a time she needed her the most.
After pondering the question what Jo knew or didn't know or had just guessed about Blair's sexual orientation for over an hour an how it might have effected their friendship, exhaustion claimed her and the blonde fell into a fitful sleep on the couch.
***
t was way past one o'clock in the morning when a very weary Jo entered the house. The evening had been nicer than expected at first, Rick wining and dining her, tending to her every wish which was a welcome change from some of her former dates. But it had been tiring none the less. Rick was a clown and took it upon himself to entertain everyone at their table. Although she had laughed along with the rest of the group the realization dawned that his repertoire of bawdy jokes was not limitless. In fact she recognized at least three stories he'd already told her on other occasions. They had been funny then but lost on the second recounting and Jo feared that when she continued to date Rick she would be subjected to them on a regular basis.
Later the crowd had thinned and she was able to talk with Rick about more serious topics. She had enjoyed herself than until, feeling at ease, she had revealed the problem she'd been pondering for quite some time without coming to a solution.
Rick had laughed right at her face and she was more disappointed in him than she would care to admit.
“A cop, oh Jo, that is priceless. You can't be serious not a slip of a woman like you.” She tried to convince him that she was indeed serious about her career choice that she had all the papers ready for her application, that in fact she would be able to take the Candidate Seminar in less than a fortnight. But Rick wouldn't listen. He had set his mind on it that this was one big hoax.
She couldn't really blame him, he was in good company, anyone she had told about her plans had either laughed at her or tried to talk her out of it.
Her mother: “You cannot be serious about this Joanna, not with all the hardship I had to go through to ensure you had the education anyone around here can only dream of. And now you're going to throw it all away.”
Her father: “You wanna be a cop, after all they have done to me, I am disappointed in you, Jo.”
Only what Blair thought about her choices eluded Jo.
When, about a month ago, Jo had mentioned her plans over breakfast, with Blair, Natalie, Tootie, Pippa, Andy and Beverly-Ann present, everyone had started to voice their opinion. In typical Blair fashion - the rich-bitch manner, as Jo had dubbed it years ago to herself - the blonde had leaned over to Jo and muttered: “Are you quite sure about any of this? The uniform will clash horribly with your complexion.”
After that she had evaded Blair and any overtures the blonde had made in discussing this topic, surprised Blair kept trying to approach her about it.
Now, there on the couch, illuminated by a lamp on one of the side tables, lay the object of her thoughts, the manifestation of her uneasiness: Blair. She didn't look comfortable, her head in an odd angle. Jo contemplated waking her friend but dismissed the thought. No doubt a wakeful Blair would want to try to talk with her and Jo was in no mood to hear another objection to her career choice. The only concession she made for old times sake was grabbing the green plaid which lay folded on the couch's side arm and placing it over the sleeping beauty.
Walking up the stairs and into the room she shared with Blair, Jo couldn't help wondering about the nature of their relationship.
They had fought tooth and nail, had thrown insults and profanities at each other and yet their animosity had turned into friendship the sort of friendship you endure anything for, you would go to hell and back for.
Unbidden the sweet memories of her friendship with Blair came rushing forward. Being imprisoned together for entering a bar underage, a paint fight in their old room, a silent train ride back from New York City, singing in a car, enjoying each other's company in Sydney...
No she had to stop this, all of these memories were just that: memories. Something their time together would be in less than a year. There would be no new memories to make. At least that's what her Mom had said, and her Mom was always right wasn't she.
“Forget about Blair. I know your friendship means a lot to you but the sooner you understand that it will be over as soon as you both start your own lives the better. After all she belongs to a very different world than us and you can't expect her to remember you when she is ensconced in her old life.”
“Blair isn't like that, Mom.”
“Believe me, child, she is. Whether you like it or not. I have lived longer than you and mind my words. If she remains in contact with you she 'll do so out of a sense of obligation rather than any true sentiment, some sort of kindness bestowed on the less fortunate. As much as you might wish, you'll never be equal to the likes of Blair Warner and the sooner you understand that the better. Haven't I told you before, that I think it unhealthy that you have stayed roommates with her for so long, you'd been better off rooming on-campus with some other scholarship student.”
“But, Mom, we've discussed this before, I couldn't afford it.”
“Hush, your father and I would have helped you, don't you worry, and don't speak to me like a petulant teenager. Don't you raise your voice when you talk to me, I have had quiet enough of that with your Dad. You are a young woman now, start behaving like one.”
Jo cringed at the harsh words but the meaning of them had filled her with a sense of dread and a nauseous feeling. She couldn't stomach any more of these truths. And so it was with a very small voice that she'd asked: “Mom, can we please stop this topic?”
She had felt the same nausea watching Blair sleep just now.
Why couldn't she simply forget about Blair, like her Mother had told her. Indifference was the key. She had tried the recipe and the result seemed to be lacking. Where there once had been laughter, shared secrets, companionable silence there was now strained conversations, evasion and emptiness. Nothing made sense anymore, why could she not just remember the bad things, Blair's shallowness, her annoying habits, like the small sighs with which the blonde always seemed to beg for anyone's attention.