238, Hypnotic, Black Dress

[goldfishlover73]

Title: Black Dress
Author: Goldfishlover73
Characters: Riza, Roy
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2192 (my bad)
Summary: Riza has a secret closet. A secret life.
AN: It can be a bit sporadic and I apologize.

Comments

[drummerdancer]

I've always wondered if Riza had an alter-ego as a girly-girl. Now, I can actually picture it. Nice job!

[goldfishlover73]

Thanks!

[ssadropout]

The best thing about Riza's alter ego is that she is super sexy AND she knows it. Maybe, one of these days, Riza and Elizabeth can merge.

I love that Roy seems happy for Riza that she gets to feel so attractive.

Mr. Fredricks... an alias, I think.

[goldfishlover73]

That's would be great if they could merge!
Thanks for reading!

[bay115]

A man reached to touch her bare back and her eyes sharpened, her fingers moving quickly to grab his hand. The man tried not to wince as she smiled sweetly at him, her knuckles white against his.

That part makes me think that dress has the back exposed. To be honest I think Riza would either have a jacket or a dress covering her back. Having her back bare like that is very risky considering someone might still be able to figure out the array even though Roy burned the important parts. In the manga and Brotherhood anime Riza wears clothing that covers her back and a bit of her neck too. She can still act tense when someone touches her back without the array being exposed.

Sorry for being picky on that part. D: I don't see her wanting the array on her back be shown on public and the story made a deal out of that.

Otherwise, I enjoyed this very much. I too like that Riza gets to show more of her feminine side and Roy enjoying that side.

[goldfishlover73]

The fact that she had the bare back was a bit of the point of the dress. I did not properly explain due to starting to feel self conscious about the length that she had put makeup on her back. Or some concealer stuff (I'm assuming that something exist that was potent enough to cover that up.) The random guy smudges it and she runs to the bathroom to fix it.
And don't be sorry! You should be picky when it doesn't make any sense! Next time I'll just never check my word count until I'm posting it.

[bay115]

Ah, all right. Since that part was in Roy's POV it made sense for him to not realize Riza had put makeup to conceal her back (and yeah, that would be LOTS of makeup I assume). Having that part in Riza's POV would be a different story all together.

Next time I'll just never check my word count until I'm posting it.

Huh? O.o; Considering this prompt is open it's all right to have your entry go longer than usual, haha.

[goldfishlover73]

I get self conscious when it gets too high. >.

[evil_little_dog]

This was a really intriguing story. I've always been interested in Riza having alter egos and secret rooms to hide them in. That Riza did pick up some alchemy skills makes a lot of sense!

My inner editor kicked in with some of your typos, though. "Close" for "clothes" was a main one, but there were others. Additionally, Riza seemed to be throwing her clutch - a little handbag - over her shoulders to hide her tattoo on her bare back? which made no sense to me. I can't imagine Riza wanting anyone to see any part of her tattoo, after she took so much effort to have it destroyed. That much scarring could lead to questions she might not want voiced round.

I really enjoyed the idea of this story, though!

[goldfishlover73]

I will have to look over all those mistakes! I reread this thing like ten times too!
So! The tattoo was a bit ambigious. It's bare back but I TRIED (and failed) to show that she had used makeup to hide it. The guy touched her back, smudged it, made her mad and so she went to the bathroom to fix it.
So, she used her clutch to hide the smudge, holding it in her hand. When I think of those things they are long and rectangular (apparently something I should have described better?) It's what I get for trying to write about things I really don't know much about. >.> since I'm about as girly as Riza is... >.>
Thanks for reading despite it all! :D

[evil_little_dog]

Trust me, I reread my stuff, too, and still catch mistakes after about a week of it being posted for everyone to see. -_-

Okay, that makes sense, then, with the make up. I get it now!

[goldfishlover73]

YAY!

[cornerofmadness]

I liked this a lot. I really liked the idea of Riza knowing a little alchemy. It makes sense and yet I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone go there with this.

Rebecca stood with her hands on her hips, staring at the small closet. “What happened to the close we bought a few weeks ago?” I think you mean 'clothes'

[goldfishlover73]

I DID! *hides in embarrassment*
I don't have MS office anymore, so it doesn't catch these things. And I'm too dumb to catch them myself! :P

[cornerofmadness]

oops. Don't worry I just caught 2 similar things in a published work. It happens