Comments | fma_fic_contest: Prompt 316: Outside of Amestris "Battle Cry" PART 2

bleedingcoffee in fma_fic_contest

Prompt 316: Outside of Amestris "Battle Cry" PART 2

Jul 15, 2015 12:45

(Part 2 of this post since it was too big to contain in one.) Wasn't sure how else to post this so please let me know if I'm doing it wrong.

Title: Battle Cry PART 2

Author: BleedingCoffee

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( If there was a way to describe was he felt, it would be numb...or maybe catatonic. )

prompt 316, bleedingcoffee

Comments 12

amethyst_koneko July 19 2015, 03:42:20 UTC

Daaaaamn! This is goooood! :D Please tell me there's more of this fic somewhere! You can't leave me hanging like this with Roy's life on the line!

bleedingcoffee July 22 2015, 02:08:25 UTC

Thank you! I guess I'll have to continue it for the July Prompt.

bay115 July 19 2015, 04:16:36 UTC

A pretty fascinating AU there! Like Ed's development in this, him pretty angry being in Aerugo (though understandable), and then pretty scared when Roy saved his life but very wounded. I too wonder how the rest of this AU will play out! I know you post several fics at Tumblr, perhaps there's more of that AU too? ;)

One thing I noticed is a lot of times you use "it's" when it's supposed to be its. It's is a contraction of it is while its can be used same way as his/her.

Another thing is I often heard the Wii games takes place a bit before Ed and Al go to Briggs. I understand this is an AU, but a part of me thinks Kimblee would be somewhere in the North already (you know, Scar and such lol). Guess the stuff with Kimblee up North hasn't happened yet? I'm probably just rambling, haha.

bleedingcoffee July 22 2015, 02:17:17 UTC

I have to admit, I was pretty rushed to get this posted and then when I had issues posting it...any attempts to do a final read through went out the window. Not an excuse for bad editing.

I haven't even written a word of the next part yet, I wasn't too sure this would go over well so I sort of laid it down and backed away to see the reception. I guess I should try to continue it for the July prompt.

The Wii games are so...special. I don't think Kimblee's in them, I haven't played them through yet...but Miles and Buccaneer are in the audience for one of the fights and Olivier is home for Alex's party. Scar's in Central and is working with everyone to stop the evil doings...I need to actually write down everything that happens while I play next round because none of it really makes sense. I thought I'd tweak things a bit with this story and move up the timeline so I can have Havoc in Aerugo and Lust alive longer.

bay115 July 22 2015, 04:14:23 UTC

From my understanding, the games are supposed to be more of an alternate event of sorts and the mention of story starting before the brothers went to Briggs as a way of when it's taking place. Similar to the Sacred Star of Milos movie.

bleedingcoffee July 22 2015, 16:59:42 UTC

That's the best explaination of it (better than crackfic). I wish they would make a movie out of it, they're halfway there with all the cutscenes.

capnhoozits July 19 2015, 05:19:53 UTC

Damn! This is excellent! I'm with everybody else in wanting more of this story.

bleedingcoffee July 22 2015, 02:18:15 UTC

Thank you! I wasn't sure how well this one would go over, I'll have to continue it for the next prompt and hope I can keep it up.

raceulfson July 21 2015, 00:00:54 UTC

That was brilliant and at points, painful because you made me so worried about them all. The end, with Bradley, gave me goosebumps.

bleedingcoffee July 22 2015, 02:21:24 UTC

Thank you!!! I promise I won't leave it a cliffhanger forever. I think I can get something put together for the July prompt.

evil_little_dog July 21 2015, 00:26:26 UTC

Loved how everyone was trying to take care of Ed and keep him safe and how he runs in anyway - because he's Ed.

Great story idea and telling. You do have some typos that an editor could weed out for you but you have a fun storyline.

bleedingcoffee July 22 2015, 02:25:49 UTC

Thank you! I hoped I wasn't getting too OOC for Ed as I was really working on the horrors of war aspect. The kid's seen some awful stuff, but following around those two in the field would be pretty horrific.

Yes, I can't apologize enough for short-cutting the editing process. I was in a rush and it shows.