James' Restaurant Reviews 1: Masala Zone in Camden (and also the Thai place, NW1)
Oh, Masala Zone in Camden. What a terrible, terrible error you have made.
I'll bet you thought when I strolled through your doors, lured in by the promise of your lunch-time special, that I was just another customer. Just a man like any other. Oh, prettier than other men, obviously. (It's true, researchers* confirm it.) And with a certain pulsing, radiating charisma of sexuality that the majority of men can only dream of. But that, and my dazzling smile, aside I'll bet you thought I was as other men.
Foolish.
What you didn't know, Masala Zone in Camden, was that I am a blogger. I put out my thoughts and opinions onto The Internets. And do you know how many people read The Internets, Masala Zone in Camden? DO YOU??!! Well, neither do I but I bet its quite a few. Lots in fact.
Witness now as I harness the AWESOME POWERS OF THE INTERNETS to teach you, Masala Zone in Camden, a harsh and terrible lesson. Ready?
Masala Zone (in Camden)... suck.
HA! Hahahahahahahah!!! You see? You see, Masala Zone in Camden? You see that, bitch? There it is, on The Internets in black and, uh, pixels for all to see! But wait. There is more. I shall expand on my assessment of your restaurant so the vast throbbing masses do not simply dismiss my claims as the rantings of a madman drunk on power and high on allergy tablets.
For a start your "any meal on the menu for £5.95" claim is a bare faced lie! When I sat down I was informed that I could only select from certain sections. Well, fair enough. Its a lunch menu, I can deal. I selected a curry and rice dish and a diet coke. A diet coke that I found cost £3. Gnnn.
When the curry and rice arrived I discovered that it was, in fact, chicken curry IN rice. The two had been mixed together and sat, still holding an upside-down bowl shape, on my plate. Nice presentation there, Masala Zone in Camden. The food was greasy and not very spicy. The chicken that was there (and there wasn't very much) appeared to be offcuts. I don't expect 100% chicken breast but 50%? 30%? 2%. ANY fucking chicken breast at all? Not good. Not good at all, Masala Zone in Camden. In fact the whole thing was bland at best, downright unpleasant at worst.
And to add insult to injury when my bill came there was an automatic 15% service charge added to it! I admit, Masala Zone in Camden, your staff were very smiley, the ladies were pretty and they were very attentive (almost to a fault. Stop hovering when I am attempting to enjoy my meal, the food makes that difficult enough). However given that I'm already paying the best part of nine quid for a deeply substandard lunch I don't expect any more cash taped on.
And here it is where we come to the crux of your problem, Masala Zone in Camden. By going for the quick buck, the expensive price and the cheap product you may sucker me once but never again. Unlike, say NW1 the Thai place across the road (Parkway, 3 mins walk from the station) which I cannot recommend highly enough (Very generous £5 lunch deal. Great atmosphere, lovely staff. Brilliant.) and which has already seen my repeat business and will certainly see more of me and my sweet, sweet cash. Unlike them you will never get my money again. And furthermore I shall tell all and sundry of your rubbishisitude, vocab-mangling be damned.
Taste my fury Masala Zone in Camden for it is far spicier and more delicious than your sorry excuse for food.
JmC
Did I say Masala Zone in Camden enough to be the Number 1 hits do you think?
*In the past I have done research thusly I am a researcher.
I'll bet you thought when I strolled through your doors, lured in by the promise of your lunch-time special, that I was just another customer. Just a man like any other. Oh, prettier than other men, obviously. (It's true, researchers* confirm it.) And with a certain pulsing, radiating charisma of sexuality that the majority of men can only dream of. But that, and my dazzling smile, aside I'll bet you thought I was as other men.
Foolish.
What you didn't know, Masala Zone in Camden, was that I am a blogger. I put out my thoughts and opinions onto The Internets. And do you know how many people read The Internets, Masala Zone in Camden? DO YOU??!! Well, neither do I but I bet its quite a few. Lots in fact.
Witness now as I harness the AWESOME POWERS OF THE INTERNETS to teach you, Masala Zone in Camden, a harsh and terrible lesson. Ready?
Masala Zone (in Camden)... suck.
HA! Hahahahahahahah!!! You see? You see, Masala Zone in Camden? You see that, bitch? There it is, on The Internets in black and, uh, pixels for all to see! But wait. There is more. I shall expand on my assessment of your restaurant so the vast throbbing masses do not simply dismiss my claims as the rantings of a madman drunk on power and high on allergy tablets.
For a start your "any meal on the menu for £5.95" claim is a bare faced lie! When I sat down I was informed that I could only select from certain sections. Well, fair enough. Its a lunch menu, I can deal. I selected a curry and rice dish and a diet coke. A diet coke that I found cost £3. Gnnn.
When the curry and rice arrived I discovered that it was, in fact, chicken curry IN rice. The two had been mixed together and sat, still holding an upside-down bowl shape, on my plate. Nice presentation there, Masala Zone in Camden. The food was greasy and not very spicy. The chicken that was there (and there wasn't very much) appeared to be offcuts. I don't expect 100% chicken breast but 50%? 30%? 2%. ANY fucking chicken breast at all? Not good. Not good at all, Masala Zone in Camden. In fact the whole thing was bland at best, downright unpleasant at worst.
And to add insult to injury when my bill came there was an automatic 15% service charge added to it! I admit, Masala Zone in Camden, your staff were very smiley, the ladies were pretty and they were very attentive (almost to a fault. Stop hovering when I am attempting to enjoy my meal, the food makes that difficult enough). However given that I'm already paying the best part of nine quid for a deeply substandard lunch I don't expect any more cash taped on.
And here it is where we come to the crux of your problem, Masala Zone in Camden. By going for the quick buck, the expensive price and the cheap product you may sucker me once but never again. Unlike, say NW1 the Thai place across the road (Parkway, 3 mins walk from the station) which I cannot recommend highly enough (Very generous £5 lunch deal. Great atmosphere, lovely staff. Brilliant.) and which has already seen my repeat business and will certainly see more of me and my sweet, sweet cash. Unlike them you will never get my money again. And furthermore I shall tell all and sundry of your rubbishisitude, vocab-mangling be damned.
Taste my fury Masala Zone in Camden for it is far spicier and more delicious than your sorry excuse for food.
JmC
Did I say Masala Zone in Camden enough to be the Number 1 hits do you think?
*In the past I have done research thusly I am a researcher.