Deliver Us From Evil- Chapter 9
“You have got to be the dumbest cylon in the universe,” said Cottle, taking the cigarette out of his mouth.
Felix laughed. “Just here for the President’s meds again, Sir.” Actually, he’d been out to try and see the people Eight had said she’d managed to free. She’d assured him that he’d see them eventually, but eventually might never come for him, considering how little he was able to walk around the settlement. He wanted to know that what he was doing was helping, that people were getting back to their lives, what little of them was left. Sure, they’d never come and thank him for it, but he didn’t need them to. Seeing them alive was enough. Enough to know that he wasn’t what they all said he was, and that he was still Felix Gaeta. Not just another cylon.
In truth, the President wasn’t even out of meds yet. He’d just been on his way to the mess hall to pick up a sack lunch when he saw Heather Redmon duck into Cottle’s tent with her baby. Ishay was tending to them now, Heather soothing her baby’s cries as Ishay applied a salve to Heather’s bruises. Heather looked terrible, but she also looked happy. Happy to see her baby again. She wasn’t separated from her child anymore, locked in detention. It was the least Felix could’ve done for her.
“What’s that on your arm?” asked Cottle.
Felix turned his attention away from Heather and down to his arm. “Oh that. It’s nothing.” Just a gash from a shard of glass that had been thrown at him.
“Nothing my ass. Have a seat. I’ll clean that out for you,” Cottle said, grabbing some hydrogen peroxide before Felix could get away.
“No, it’s okay. I’m sure you have better people to tend to.” That caught Ishay’s attention, and she turned to glare at him with a look that said “you’re damn right”. Heather looked at him too, though the only thing in her eyes was a deep hurt. Felix looked away.
“Anyone in need of medical attention is going to get it,” stated Cottle matter-of-factly. Felix flinched when Cottle put the peroxide on his arm. It stung on the wound. He was glad the sensation of pain was still something he could feel as a cylon.
Felix paused, thinking back on what Cottle said as he’d walked in. “How did you know it was me?” he asked. He looked like all the other Sevens. No human had been able to tell them apart, not even Gaius, who Felix saw every day.
“That you’re Lieutenant Gaeta and not some other cylon?” asked Cottle, not bothering to look up from the bandages he was measuring out.
“Yeah,” replied Felix.
Cottle cut the bandage and placed it over the wound on Felix’s arm. “You’ve got genuine expressions on your face. Don't see that in the other Sevens. Or in any of others come to think of it.”
“How can you tell? I mean, none of the other humans can,” asked Felix. He flinched again. Cottle was a little rough with the bandage tape.
“When you spend as much time around cylons as I do, you pick up on things,” said Cottle, pulling off another piece of tape.
“But you’re not the only one who-“
“You have to want to notice. Now, make sure you clean that wound with soap and water. I’d tell you not to come back here, but I know you’re not going to listen.”
Felix smiled. “Thanks. See you later.”
Cottle grunted and lit another cigarette. Felix headed for the entrance, but stopped before he did, and took one last look at Heather and her baby. The child had stopped crying now, but Heather was still just as attentive to the infant, barely noticing what Ishay was doing. Felix smiled as he walked away.
Felix walked into the depository, tensing up as he walked past the Centurians. It didn’t seem to matter how many times he walked by Centurian guards, they never ceased to give him an eerie feeling. The list was down to ten names, and as he’d promised, he was back to look for more. The odds hadn’t gotten better, thirteen were dead while twelve had been freed, and if the cylons were starting to notice, they’d only get worse. Felix had wondered if this was still the right thing to do, to keep busting people out when others had to die for it. But he had to keep going. It was his fault those people were locked in there in the first place. He owed it to them to get them out.
“Drawer 22,” Felix said, and the drawer popped open. Felix walked over to the drawer, noticing a crisp white sheet of paper. There was a new list of detainees on top of the others that had been there last time he was here. Apparently the cylons had wasted no time in filling all the cells he and Eight had left empty.
Felix picked up the sheet, the name of the very top of the list catching his eye. Felix shook his head. He knew this person was involved in the resistance, that they hadn’t just been arresting for sneaking extra food or staying out too late at night. But if there was one person he’d betrayed the most, other than the Old Man himself- who’d been lucky enough to escape this place- it was this man. Felix needed twenty five or so names, but he had a feeling this would be the only one he would remember.
“No,” said Eight, thrusting the paper back at him.
“Eight-“ Felix started.
“We agreed, no one important, remember?”
“You said that they wouldn’t let out anyone important. You never said you wouldn’t try to do it on your own,” insisted Felix. He remembered that conversation clearly, as if it had happened yesterday.
“Felix!” Eight shouted. Felix brought a finger to his lips to indicate to keep quiet. He didn’t need anyone overhearing them, especially this conversation. “Everyone knows Saul Tigh is the leader of the resistance movement!”
Felix knew that, he knew as soon as word of a resistance got out. That was just how Colonel Tigh was. Felix would’ve been surprised if it had been any other name the cylons were whispering about. But that didn’t mean Felix wasn’t going to try and free him anyway.
“Look, Eight, he was my mentor for years, and he’s a friend, okay?” ‘I owe it to him for betraying my oath, Galactica, and everything I thought I was’ was not what he wanted to tell Eight, despite it being the real truth. He trusted her, but she was still a cylon, and he could never trust her that much.
“Don’t tell me you’re still attached to the people from that ship,” Eight spat at him.
“I spent three years on that ship, and another down here on this planet with them!” countered Felix.
“God dammit Felix, you’re a cylon! You’re not one of them! You never were and you never will be. When are you going to realize that?”
‘I am one of them,’ thought Felix. ‘Just because I’ve got hardware instead of a nervous system doesn’t change the fact that I was a Colonial Officer, that I was a respected member of that crew, and that these people are my friends and family.’ But he didn’t say anything.
Eight took the paper back from his hands and shook her head. “I’ll try to get these people out, but not Colonel Tigh. Okay?”
Felix rubbed his face with his hands, frustrated that when it came to the people he most needed to pay back for his betrayal, there was nothing he could do. “Yeah. Sure. Could you try for more though? I don’t like the odds that we’ve been having, I’d like to see more people alive and freed.”
“Felix-“
“Just whatever you can do, okay? This is supposed to be a peaceful union, there’s no reason for anyone to be killed.”
Eight nodded and folded the list, then slid it into her pocket. Only this time, she didn’t look so glad to be helping.
Felix rubbed his head and took another sip from his mug. There was not enough coffee in the world that could help him this morning. You’re a cylon, you’re not one of them was all that was running through his mind. Was that really all there was to it? What was he doing here, trying to maintain his humanity? Would it be any easier if he just accepted himself as a cylon and forgot about his life for the past four years?
Felix wasn’t expecting an answer, so when one happened to walk in the door, he was caught a little off guard.
“Seven, Gaius is looking for his meds and I can’t find them anywhere. Do you have any idea where they are?” asked Six, exasperated, though Felix wasn’t sure if it was with him or with Baltar.
“Back of the bottom drawer of his desk. Try there, it’s where he used to keep them when he was still trying to hide the habit from me,” suggested Felix.
“Thanks,” said Six, and she turned to leave.
“Six, wait,” said Felix. He wanted to know something, wanted to know about the emotions he had trouble reading on her face.
“Yes?” she replied, turning around and walking closer to Felix’s desk.
Felix thought for a moment about how to ask what he wanted to know. ‘Do you feel guilty?’ wasn’t the right question, since he wasn’t sure if she’d done something she could feel guilty about, something like what he had done in allowing the cylons to take over New Caprica. He wasn’t sure what else he might ask. He knew the answers he wanted, but didn’t know the questions that would get him there.
“New Caprica?” he asked simply. It wasn’t even a question formally, but it asked everything he’d been thinking.
“I thought it would be our chance to live with humanity. Our chance for…for me and Gaius. But the settlement… I don’t even recognize Gaius anymore. He’s less and less the man I once knew with each passing day. I know you think he doesn’t care, but all this is affecting him. This planet, these people, you.”
“Me?” asked Felix, perplexed. He thought Gaius hated him, despised his very existance. It sure seemed that way, considering the things Gaius said to him on a daily basis.
“Yes you. He trusted you.” Six sighed. “I can see why he did. I like you, Seven. I didn’t want to, I wanted to be-“
“Jealous?” Felix added for her.
“Jealous. And I thought you’d try to pull me away, either because you loved him, or because you didn’t think a cylon should be with a human. But you’re different.”
Felix swallowed. Different was bad when it came to the cylons. Different meant they could know what he was doing, that he was a sorry excuse for a cylon, and they would do something about him. The word different worried him. “Different?”
“You don’t call me Caprica like I’m some kind of hero. I don’t feel like a hero anymore.” With that, Six got up and left the room.
No, it wasn’t that easy. Felix couldn’t be simply be a cylon and the guilt would disappear. Guilt wasn’t just a human emotion. But unlike Six, Felix knew he couldn’t just sit and watch the world crumble around him. Becoming more cylon would not assuage his guilt, but he could provide penance towards all those he’d wronged. And real penance came not from prayer but from action.
You’re not like them. If only Eight had known that she was actually referring to the cylons.
Felix was walking to his tent the next day when he saw a bomb go off. It was the first explosion he’d seen in the settlement; the resistance was finally making themselves visible. It had exploded at the front doors of the detention center, probably killing a couple of Centurian guards in the process.
Felix shook his head. ‘They’ll never do much if they keep attacking the front. Those doors are heavily fortified, they’d kill more cylons if they set one at the back entrance at shift change.’
Felix stopped dead in his tracks. That was it. Getting people out of detention was a small gesture, from which only a handful of people benefitted. He hadn’t betrayed just a few people, he’d betrayed them all. With what he knew, with the information he had access to, he could help the resistance, provide them with strategic targets and pave the way for a successful rescue mission when Galactica eventually came back.
Felix was going to pay humanity back for what he’d done to them. He was going to get them off this planet.