Dip, original fiction

[flower_ballet]

I wrote this on my way home yesterday and I'm actually pretty excited about it. It's not horribly long or a big masterpiece, but I like the images and the symbolism. Yeah, you can say I'm proud of myself for this little short story. It's one of my better works.

Title: Dip
Author: S.
Characters: Maya/Maki
Rating: Utterly G
Summary: Maya is

Comments

[polina_slosvau]

Ooooh. I like your imagery in this - the musical metaphors are beautiful and fitting. There's something really quiet about this piece, though it's obvious there's a very intense transaction happening between the two characters. Two very different people with different abilities - I love how Maya's creativity makes her so attractive to Maki, how it's a mixture of admiration and a tiny hint of jealousy. People are like that sometimes, aren't they? Complicated and slightly stupid. ♥

This sentence in particular is really pretty:

Still, I wish my name were more like hers and less like the rest of the world, with its coke and its grey colours to make up for the distinctive lack of pink.

Really interesting characters, my dear. I like!

[wottie]

Oh, this is pretty. I'll admit I'm not awake enough to understand all the symbolism in it, but the way it flows and the flowers and the intricate relationship between the two characters all come across amazingly. That last sentence - Then the feeling of dawn will stay in her kitchen all day long. - is incredibly evocative and I think is such a strong note to end this on since there's just so much feeling in it.

I really like the character of Maya - all whimsical and pretty and pensive. I really like, too, the way you look at Maya through Maki's eyes - you achieve a very delicate and beautiful sort of not-love (emotion?) from a first-person point of view with so few words said. I like that.

I'm glad you wrote this! It's pretty. Write more often.