Topic 4: What I "Should" Care About But Don't
Apparently I should care about my weight. And don't get me wrong - I do. Being overweight is bad for your health, yada yada. And do I love how I look? No, I don't. But I've had to accept the fact that I'm not meant to be a small person. It's not particularly a negative thing. It just...is. I used to weigh much more than this. About two years ago, I lost 60lbs. when I decided to go off my anti-depressants. In addition to all the chemical changes in my body, all I ever did was eat. Like...more than I do now. I went off the meds, my appetite decreased, and the weight gradually came off. I've gained a bit back, but it's safe to say I'm much more comfortable at 190lbs. than I was at 240lbs.
Am I concerned that the reason I have such a hard time dating is because of my weight? Yes. And that's a tricky thing, because... I tell myself that the person who cares isn't the right person for me. But I also know that people have preferences, and they're not awful people because they don't want to date someone that's overweight. It's just what they prefer. I can't be mad at that, so long as they aren't generalizing about it. You know, the "all overweight people are lazy and smelly" thing. Because...no. I do manual labor at work, and bathe regularly. On the other side of things, though, some of the guys that prefer BBWs? Kinda freak me out. So I can't have it both ways, you know?
Which means I should maybe care a little more. But I'm healthy. I have no weight-related health issues. If anything, my thyroid problem is a contributing factor in my weight. And that's managed, but it's still difficult to lose weight when your thyroid hormones are messed up. Other than that... My blood pressure is relatively low. Cholesterol is good. I've questioned my insulin levels, because I do take Metformin (which is traditionally a diabetes drug, but I take it to regulate my menstrual cycle) and it runs in my family. But it's consistently below average. So my weight doesn't appear to affect my health. This is certainly not lighting a fire under my ass to lose a few pounds.
So I guess I'm sort of...oddly zen about it. I care, but not enough to do anything. I've accepted it. But that doesn't mean I'll stop complaining about it. Clothes will still never fit right. Stupid people are still going to think I'm gross or whatever. But hey, it's me. Love it or leave it. Or something.
Am I concerned that the reason I have such a hard time dating is because of my weight? Yes. And that's a tricky thing, because... I tell myself that the person who cares isn't the right person for me. But I also know that people have preferences, and they're not awful people because they don't want to date someone that's overweight. It's just what they prefer. I can't be mad at that, so long as they aren't generalizing about it. You know, the "all overweight people are lazy and smelly" thing. Because...no. I do manual labor at work, and bathe regularly. On the other side of things, though, some of the guys that prefer BBWs? Kinda freak me out. So I can't have it both ways, you know?
Which means I should maybe care a little more. But I'm healthy. I have no weight-related health issues. If anything, my thyroid problem is a contributing factor in my weight. And that's managed, but it's still difficult to lose weight when your thyroid hormones are messed up. Other than that... My blood pressure is relatively low. Cholesterol is good. I've questioned my insulin levels, because I do take Metformin (which is traditionally a diabetes drug, but I take it to regulate my menstrual cycle) and it runs in my family. But it's consistently below average. So my weight doesn't appear to affect my health. This is certainly not lighting a fire under my ass to lose a few pounds.
So I guess I'm sort of...oddly zen about it. I care, but not enough to do anything. I've accepted it. But that doesn't mean I'll stop complaining about it. Clothes will still never fit right. Stupid people are still going to think I'm gross or whatever. But hey, it's me. Love it or leave it. Or something.