And if I could control it, Maybe I could leave it all behind

[flawed_x_design]

Title:  And if I could control it, Maybe I could leave it all behind

Rating: n13 I guess, - it’s not particularly graphic, but do please read the warnings.

Genre and/or Pairing: Gen

Spoilers: season 4

Warnings: references to self-harm, Post-hell issues, angst all around!

Word Count: ~1300

Summary: Dean was in Hell. For forty years. That's a lot longer

Comments

[dodger_sister]

This was fantastic. It was dark and perfect and powerful and such a unique look at how Dean came back from Hell - what it was really like for him. When they walk past the butcher shop, just...

The way you used the words to convey his pain and his longing for what he had there.

Also, I may have a fire kink, whatever, but this - Like its caressing you and climbing you and covering you because it likes you. Like a pet. It plays with him, jumping around him. Playfully alternating between curling around his fingers and trying to escape them.

It's the way fire moves described so perfectly. Just...this hit me in a way I didn't expect - the whole fic. Great job.

PS: I did just go to put it in my folder (to save to read again) and I always sort by rating - and I see you have this as PG. Maybe it just hit me really hard, but I would suggest upping the rating. I always look at PG as "would I want a twelve year old to read this?" and I don't think I would. Just a suggestion.

[flawed_x_design]

XDDD
Thank you so much! This comment is so awesome and totally made my day!

The way you used the words to convey his pain and his longing for what he had there
That's such a wonderful compliment :")

Yeah I don't think PG is really the right rating for this either tbh. What do you suggest? What's in between pg and nc17?

[dodger_sister]

I did have to describe your story in detail to my bff the next day, for the record. I also saved it to my folder.

Well, it's probably past the point now, since you've had lots of people read your fic - (it seems to be taking me forever to reply to things lately) - but for a reference, this is how I determine ratings (have no idea if it is anything like most people's systems or not though) -

G - if I feel comfortable reading it out loud while my 6yr old cousin is playing in the room.
PG - if I feel comfortable reading it out loud while my 10yr old cousin is playing in the room.
PG-13 - If I feel comfortable letting my 15yr old cousin read the story.
R - Anything with sex scenes and violence that isn't really really graphic - I would let my 15yr old cousin read it simply because her parents let her watch R rated movies.
NC-17 - I wouldn't let my 15yr old cousin even glance it on my computer screen. You know, pornographic sex and violence on the level of disembowling and eating people. ;)

[earth_dragon]

Absolutely beautifully done! Heart breaking, of course, but spot on in its psychology. What really got me was the fact that, yes, Hell really was the only home Dean had ever known. And Alastair, in a bizarre way, did show him more attention and affection than anyone else ever has. Even if that sense of home and attention was negative, it makes sense that Dean would want it back.

Amazing little fic!

[flawed_x_design]

Thank you so much, I'm glad you thought so :D
I totally agree, poor Dean and his low self-esteem <3
Thanks for leaving such a wonderful comment :)

[kat_of_rafters]

<3

I love this so much. I'm sure that says I'm a horribly twisted person, but hey. What way would Alistair get Dean to break other than showing him affection? If Dean enjoyed his years behind the knife why would he want to come back to the short glimpse of humanity he'd lived before? The whole idea is just so spectacular and feels so right. In a sick and sad and twisted kind of way, of course.

Also, the symmetry to this was fantastic. I love how the start and end were the same and yet so very different.

[flawed_x_design]

Dude, it makes you a horribly twisted person? I wrote it. That said - I regret nothing :P

Ahh I'm so happy that you think so! When I thought about it, it just seemed to make sense.

And you liked the symmetry :")

Thanks for such an awesome comment! :D

[maypoles]

This was crushing, but in a good way. ;) Nice job with the subject matter.

[flawed_x_design]

Thanks! I'm glad you thought so :)

[winchester_3]

Ahh ~ Dude I love this! It's so good. You made me grimace at so many points and I love your insight into Dean's recovering from hell ~ especially how you've reasoned why Dean actually did fall from grace. Just amazing! :)

[flawed_x_design]

Thanks!! I'm so happy you enjoyed it! :D