The light of my life
Title: The light of my life
Pairing: Ernests Gulbis/Novak Djokovic
Rating: PG
Word count: 2,890
Warning: Possible angst
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and this is a fiction.
Summary: Ernests has news for his mother at the breakfast table.
Author’s note: This is an Ernests’ mother’s POV story, dedicated to my dear friend and reader the_limousine :)
"Mom, I have a boyfriend."
Clatter.
I pick up the butter knife that slipped from my hand and look at my son. Ernests isn’t my only son but I can’t help but feel like he’s the most loved one. Perhaps it’s because he is my first child or because he has always been there for me even when I went through a heartbreaking divorce.
"Oh…"
I don’t know what else to say. Being so beautiful and kind, it’s clearly not the first time that he’s telling me that he has a boyfriend. It’s not the fact that he said “boyfriend” rather than “girlfriend” that caught me off guard, but rather the fact that something sounded different this time. He actually cares about that new boyfriend of his.
"Are you okay?"
He frowns a little and I smile at the kindness he shows towards me. If anything great has happened in my life, it’s having him as a son.
"Of course, I am. And, I’m happy to hear that. He’s nice to you?"
Obviously, Ernests wouldn’t go out with someone who’s unkind to him but still, I’m his mother and I have all the right in the world to make sure that he’s getting treated well by the right person.
"Sure. And, I’m nice to him."
"I’m happy to hear that." I smile again, feeling like crying inside.
"You already said that, mom."
It’s not an accusing tone. He’s just stating a simple fact.
"Did I? I guess my brain’s still asleep then."
I finish buttering the piece of bread in my hand and put it on his plate.
"Haha, mom, I’m not five anymore. I’m twenty."
It’s that short giggle that has been keeping me sane for all those years, that has been making me live another day as his mother. It’s that giggle that makes me breathe like I’ve never breathed before.
"Nothing’s wrong with a mother giving her son a piece of bread. And, you know my buttering skill is much better than yours."
And, there’s that giggle again. I bet his new boyfriend gets to hear it a lot. How lucky he is. I’m not actually jealous of that boy, am I? I suppose it’s normal for a mother to feel a little empty at such shocking news. After all, he’s my everything.
While I try my best to ignore the heavy feeling in the chest, my dear child butters me a piece of bread.
"Ernie, it’s only half spread."
"I know. Butter’s not that good for your health. I want you to live long."
He shrugs his shoulder and now I really want to cry. How did I get to give birth to such an adorable thing? God was definitely kind that day, definitely.
"Thank you, dear."
I smile better this time. I’m an actress. I should be able to keep my true emotions in check even though he’s the most difficult spectator to fool.
"So… you’re not curious about who I’m going out with?"
He speaks in an interesting tone and I know that I have to listen to whatever he has to say about this new guy in his life. Speaking about a new guy in life, I also have a new husband since a few years ago, but still, nobody can or ever will replace Ernests in my heart and here he’s about to tell me about the one who tries to snatch him away from me.
Of course, I’m perfectly aware that I should have a big heart, be all supportive about his dating -if he’s going out with a decent guy- but it really hurts to see his eyes shine like that, for somebody that I may not even know.
"Mom?"
"Of course, I want to hear all about him. I didn’t ask because I thought it was private."
He finishes whatever’s left of the bread and wipes off the crumbs with a napkin. Since when does he use a napkin to brush off bread crumbs? He must be dating someone who has better table manners than him.
"When did you meet him?"
Ah, it’s too late to take the interrogatory tone out of the question. I just hope he’ll understand.
"I actually know him from younger days."
"From younger days…"
Several names come to my mind but I can’t put a finger on the right one.
"Novak."
He gives me the answer right away.
"Oh, Novak. Djokovic?" I ask just in case there were more than one Novak in the past.
"Yes."
He beams and I can tell that he’s happy. Conveniently, that one smile saves me quite a lot of questions that I had in mind. And thanks to his straightforward answer, now I don’t have to ask how they met or which country he is from or what he does for a living.
I do have one question though.
"He makes you laugh?"
Sometimes, my boy can be quite distant from the world, quite far away out there, where even I can’t reach out. At those times, he doesn’t put on his beautiful smile of his and my world becomes so dark. I figure that if Novak can make my boy laugh loud enough, maybe it can still reach my world even if he’s getting farther and farther away from me.
"You have no idea how much I laugh with him. He has so many silly things to say."
His giggle sounds so light and so bright. I laugh with him and pick up my cup of coffee. It certainly tastes better, hearing him so delighted.
"Are you going to bring him home someday?"
His eyes grow rounder as he looks at me. Did I ask a wrong question? It’s normal for a mother to check if the intruder’s decent, right?
"Mom, I’m not getting married. I’m just going out with him."
"I know that."
"Well, if you want to meet him, we can have dinner together tonight. He won’t say no."
"Tonight?"
"Yes. What do you say?"
"All right." As if I had another choice.
So here I am, sitting across my son and his boyfriend. Novak makes his best effort to entertain me and I’m having a more pleasant time than I expected, but it seems like Ernests couldn’t care less about me right now. He thinks that I can’t see it but I have eyes that can perfectly see his left hand resting on Novak’s thigh, thank you very much.
I try not to stare at somebody else’s thigh too much and nod at whatever Novak just said.
"Great! I’ll try to put on a better performance for you, Mrs..."
"Please call me Milena."
I respond almost instinctively and wonder why both Ernests and Novak look excited. What did I just agree to do?
"Don’t worry, mom. We’re not going to run into his family. He’s only here with his team this year."
Oh, it seems that I agreed to go watch one of Novak’s matches in his box with Ernests. Well, I guess it would be a good opportunity to see what kind of a person the young Novak has grown into and probably see Ernests’ reaction to the match as well. Ah, Ernie…
"Excuse me."
I smile at the boys and leave the table. I head to the restroom and push the door to sit down in front of the mirror. Am I getting a headache? The few days that I’ve been here in Australia to support my son have been lovely, but I’m not sure if today can be included in those lovely days.
When did my boy grow up to fall in love with another person? I know that Novak is more than just another boyfriend to him. The glances that they share and the way that they call each other’s name tell me that he’s a special one, and I almost felt like crying when I saw how Novak passed the salt to Ernests. I never thought that passing the salt could be such a caring act but somehow the boy managed to make it look utterly adorable. And, of course, I’ve never seen Ernie so happy to have a salt shaker in his hand.
I fix my makeup, especially on the bottom of my eyes where I had a single tear for a while. I don’t know why I’m acting like a drama queen. As Ernie said this morning, it’s not like he’s getting married. I should be thankful that he’s healthy and happy with a decent guy in his life. I really should think more about him than about myself.
"Hoo…"
I let out a heavy sigh and look in the mirror again. Oh my dear lord, for some reason, I look awful! This is unacceptable. I open my handbag again and pick out the necessary cosmetics. I’m going to look beautiful in the boys’ eyes and tell them how glad I am to see them getting along so well. Yes, I’ll do that. I can do that. I won’t act this time. I’m going to say it with a pure will.
There, I look much better now. I have rosy cheeks and sophisticated eyebrows. Let’s get back out there and face those heartbreaking boys.
I walk out of the restroom and check the time, wondering if I spent too much time in front of the mirror. Only a few minutes have passed, so I decide that it wasn’t too long. I don’t want Novak to think that the food didn’t suit my stomach well or anything. The Italian food here is very nice and I’m pleased that he brought me and Ernests in such a wonderful place.
Awww. I stop walking and hide behind the tall plant. The boys are chattering, giggling, and… did that Novak just caress my boy’s cheek?
"Hoo…"
I take a deep breath and lay my eyes on the boys again. It’s horrible that I have to admit that the caress looks so endearing. It looks like Ernie’s telling him a story and I can see Novak nod with a smile every once in a while, his thumb coming up my dear boy’s face a little too often for my taste.
What am I going to do if they share a kiss? Am I going to pull out Novak’s hair? Ban the Romeo and Juliet from seeing each other? Track Ernie’s phone calls and check if any of them is naughty? No, I’m going to stay as a decent mother. I write my own scripts in this world and I choose to stay decent.
I come out from behind the plant and finally start walking again. My son has a boyfriend who makes him happy. That’s all I have to know and that’s all that matters.
"Good night, mom."
He kisses my cheek and I kiss his left cheek as well.
"Your freckles are getting worse, sweetie." I observe, but much to my surprise, he doesn’t frown as he used to do.
Is that a bright smile on his face? What’s wrong with the world today?
"He finds them cute, hehe."
He scratches the back of his neck and I want to crush something with my feet.
"He does? How wonderful."
I don’t even care if he heard the sarcasm dripping from my voice. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t like Novak. I don’t like him going out with my son. I don’t like my son giggling over his nemesis, freckles, and I just don’t like myself for being such a silly mother! Seriously, what is wrong today?
I pour myself a glass of water, hoping that it will somehow calm me down, and look over at my boy to see if he wants a glass as well. He shakes his head and I see his eyes land on the clock.
"Have to go meet him?"
I ask with less sarcasm this time. I think there was more tiredness and despair in my voice.
"You don’t like him…?"
He has that frown and worried look which always gives me an acute pain in the heart.
"Of course, I love him, sweetheart."
Did I actually say that? Where did that come from? I managed to surprise myself, but who am I kidding. Novak was more than decent at dinner and I think I saw enough of his matches to know that he even applauds some good shots from his opponent and never goes too far while complaining to the umpire. He’s a good boy.
"You do? I was worried!"
My boy has that smile back and now I feel like the world is being nice again. Seriously, when did he grow up so fast? I still remember the day when he acted with me in that TV drama when he was nine.
There was a scene where I was supposed to mark his height on the wall with a pencil to see if he had grown any taller. He pointed at a higher spot on the wall and asked me what would happen if he grew up till there. I remember answering that he will get a lovely person in his life that will adore him with all his heart.
Why couldn’t I answer differently? Why didn’t I just say that he would become a strong tennis player? But then, isn’t it every parent’s dream to see her child happy with somebody? I surely don’t want to leave him alone in this rough world, and as far as I can tell, Novak’s not a weak person. He might even be the one who can stop Ernests from shutting himself from the world. He might be the one who can eventually destroy the darkness inside my boy.
"Mom, I have to go…"
He glances at the clock again, a little nervously this time.
"I have to go back to my room. I’m sleepy."
He even lets out a yawn to fool me, but I know that he’s going to Novak’s room or Novak must have said that he’d come over to Ernie’s.
"Okay. I hope you sleep well."
"Okay! And, don’t forget that we have to go watch Nole at two!"
"You’re not going to have breakfast with me?" I ask, even if I know that he’ll probably want to share it with his boyfriend.
"Uh… I might sleep in."
What a bad liar! I’m suddenly so glad that he’s not into acting.
"Alright, my dear. Go get your sleep. Give me a call when we have to leave for Novak’s match."
"Will do."
He gives me another kiss, probably out of guilt and quickly turns around to leave.
I don’t even blink while I watch him get away from me. He has long legs that can widen the gap between us in such a short time. I miss you, Ernie. Have fun.
I hear the door close and the expected tears roll down my cheeks. Why am I crying? He’s happy and I’m happy. Are these happy tears? Or tears of relief? I don’t even know why I have tears in my eyes.
Bleep.
I hear my phone make a noise but do I want to be bothered right now? I guess I do. I can use some distraction so that I’ll stop picturing what my boy will be doing in Novak’s room. They must be playing safe, right? Did I teach Ernie about it? Since he didn’t have a dad while growing up, I’m always terrified of the things that he might have missed out.
I pick up my cell phone and check the message. Huh, who knew I’d get a text from my ex-husband? Ernie didn’t even have a match today.
Ernie told me he introduced his boyfriend to you. Are you alright? - Ainars
"Ahaha…"
Of course, I’m not alright. But it’s still very sweet of him to ask me. Is he alright? I’m about to ask him the same thing when I realize that I just got a new message. Who can it be?
Mom, I love you. And, Nole says thanks. Nighty night! - Ernie
I can’t help the stupid smile that starts to appear on my face. It’s not every day that you get a love message from your own child. Actually, it happens very rarely in my case. He only says that when it’s my birthday. I’m hoping that he’ll say it more often as he gets to win some trophies.
He says he loves me. - Milena
I have to brag. I know that it’s not the sweetest response to his sweet message but I just have to.
He did? He didn’t say anything to me! You lucky woman!- Ainars
Ha, of course, I’m lucky! After all, I’m the mother of the perfect child. My face puts up a full smile for the first time of the day and I carefully choose my words for my dear, sweet Ernie.
I love you too, sweetheart. Say thanks for dinner to Novak and play safe! - Smart mom