Jeu's washing machine

[flamyshine]

Title: Jeu’s washing machine
Pairings: Ferrero/Safin, Djokovic/Gulbis, Gasquet/Roddick, A. Murray/Henman
Other characters: J. Johansson, Hewitt
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 4,210
Warning: I turned the players into animals, so beware of it.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except for Jeu and this isn’t a fiction.
Summary: Jeu has no idea where her socks go, once she puts them in her washing machine.
Author’s note: This strange story is dedicated to the ever so inspiring artist, jeu_set_match, of whom I am a huge fan. I owe you so much and this is just a little of what I can give you back. Happy birthday, sweetie :)



Jeu woke up late in the afternoon, checked the clock and jumped out of bed. No way was she going to live on pancakes for a whole day again. Since twenty-four hours convenience stores were illegal in France, she knew that she only had half an hour to run to the store and get some decent food. She had been leading a life of a vampire, going to bed when the sun came up and waking up when the sun went down.

‘Ok, I just need to grab a pair of socks, put on my shoes and run!’

She threw on some clothes, not aware that she had worn her T-shirt inside out. She was lucky that it was winter and that she needed a coat.

‘I need socks.’

Jeu opened the bottom drawer and went through it at a fast pace. There wasn’t even a single pair of matching socks.

‘Grwarr!! No! This isn’t happening again! It happened yesterday and the day before yesterday and two days before yesterday too!’

She ran to the utility room and opened the lid of the washing machine.

‘Let’s see if anything matches in here.’

She pulled out every single sock that she could spot and ran back to her room. After putting all the socks together on the floor, she tried her best to find matching socks.

‘I just need one pair that matches. That’s all I’m asking for, one pair.’

Alas! The socks gods weren’t kind to her. Still no matching socks at all!

Jeu got up from the floor, took a deep breath and roared. She had had this theory of hers since a month ago and at this precise moment, she was more than sure that it was true. There must be some other kind of universe, some sort of a parallel reality behind her washing machine and her socks were getting dragged into that other world!

“Rawr!! Give me my socks back!! Now!”

Meanwhile, under the washing machine, hamster Richard woke up from his nap, startled at the roaring thunder.

“Eek!”

He quickly pulled the neck of the sock over his head and found out that Andy wasn’t by his side.

“Andy! Andy!!”

“Hey, I’m here.”

Hamster Andy Roddick flashed a smile and left the mirror’s side to give his boyfriend a kiss.

“Isn’t it time that you got used to her roaring by now?”

“But she’s really loud!”

“Aww, Richie.”

Andy sat near their bed-sock which had Bart Simpson on it. He had picked it up from their previous residence and had given it to Richard as his birthday present. The French hamster had loved it to bits and pieces so they had brought it along with them when they had moved to this new house a month ago.

In fact, the two weren’t the only ones who lived here. They belonged to a tennis playing hamster group, led by the Spanish hamster Juan Carlos Ferrero, the former number one in the tennis world who had also worked as the mayor of Hamsterville. He had now retired, enjoying his life, playing tennis again with his sexy boyfriend Marat Safin.

It was Juan Carlos who had chosen this particular house for the ten hamsters in the group. The owner of the flat, Jeu, had a hamster called Mitch who was a huge tennis fan, and one day, Mitch had sent a fan letter to Juan Carlos, letting him know that his owner’s house was available. According to the letter, Mitch’s owner was lazy and didn’t really know what happened in her house, and it turned out to be so true.

Jeu used to buy a generous amount of hamster food and leave it on the kitchen floor, and the house was warm even on the coldest day. The hamsters’ tennis courts were at a short distance, the nearby park was pleasant with a recycling waste basket full of useful things. Of course, with half the hamsters being a Grand Slam champion, they had more than enough money to buy whatever they wanted, but they were saving money to go on a space trip next year, so they were trying to reduce their cost of living to the limit.

That special Fly us to the Moon package was also the reason why they had started using people’s socks since a few months ago. Rich fabrics were insanely expensive in the hamsters’ world these days and usually socks were the perfect size to use as a sleeping bag.

But as there was no such thing as a perfect house, there was one little problem in Jeu’s place; there was a cat. However, it was nothing too worrisome as the cat was just like his owner, lazy and not aware of what was happening around him. Besides, Mitch had never felt threatened while living with the fat cat, so Juan Carlos had assumed that it was quite safe to live here.

“Ah, her voice really kills the mood.”

Hamster Novak pouted while hamster Ernests giggled. They were the ones who shared the room right next to Richard and Andy’s.

“As if that could stop us.” The Latvian hamster placed a kiss on his boyfriend’s neck and looked up into his eyes.

“Yeah, you’re right. We’re going to kiss more passionately, letting her know that she cannot interrupt us.”

Novak was determined to continue what he had been doing; caressing Ernests’ curls and planting kisses on his body.

“Too bad she doesn’t have somebody.” Ernests felt bad for Jeu when he was having the most pleasurable time in the world with his hot boyfriend.

“Well, I felt bad for her too until I pictured her screaming in bed. That would be worse than screaming in anger, don’t you think?”

The two shuddered at the awful mental image and Ernests could almost hear Jeu moaning.

“Nole, make me forget. I hear horrible sounds!”

Ernests pulled Novak closer and they made love on one of Jeu’s favorite socks.

Meanwhile, across the hall, Andrew and Tim were busy knitting. To be more precise, Tim was busy knitting while Andrew was busy nibbling at his boyfriend’s leg.

“Andy, I’m trying to knit here.”

“I know. How boring is that.”

“Andy!”

“It’s not like I’m actively disturbing you. Carry on.”

Tim sighed and put down the knitting needle on his lap.

“I thought that we had talked this issue through. We’re not robbers. We do not steal. I wish you would be more helpful.” Tim let out another sigh.

After a whole week of getting obsessed with knitting Wii, Tim had insisted that they should make their own socks and stop stealing.

“It’s called borrowing.” Andy used to say and he was saying it once again.

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is. And, I know that you’re only doing this out of guilt.”

“What guilt?” Tim pretended that he had no idea what the Scottish hamster was talking about.

“Look around. You made all sorts of stuff out of her socks.”

Their room was filled with tapestry; a small one next to the door, a bigger one above the bed, an even bigger one on the opposite wall. There was also a carpet where the two were just sitting at the moment; of course, all the different colors of thread coming from different types of Jeu’s socks.

Tim made a strangled sound. “Her socks don’t look expensive but they’re so soft and come in many different colors. Anyway, I wish you’d be more cooperative and help me out with this.”

“You want me to knit? I might’ve done it if I knew how to.” Andy didn’t really mean it but hoped that his words would put Tim in a better mood.

“I can teach you how to do it.” Tim smiled ever so brightly and Andy bit his tongue.

However, in the next room, things were going more smoothly between the couple in charge. Juan Carlos and Marat were busy moving furniture. Marat couldn’t really believe it, but according to his boyfriend, the two hamsters that were sharing the room next to them, Lleyton and Joachim were spying on them. Juan Carlos kept insisting that he felt someone watching him every now and then, and that some objects seemed to be in slightly different places even when their door was locked at all times.

Marat thought that his boyfriend was being paranoid but Juan Carlos had agreed to do some kinky stuff tonight if he helped him move the furniture, so the Russian hamster was in a good mood even if the coffee table was as heavy as a mountain.

“Shoot! They’re moving furniture!” Lleyton tried his best not to yell, but failed miserably.

“That’s why there’s all that noise? I thought Jeu was dancing or something.”

“Why would she dance?” Lleyton looked at his roommate with a strange look on his face.

Joachim shrugged his shoulders. “Who knows? It’s Jeu.”

“Yeah.” Lleyton shrugged as well and went back peeping through the small hole on the bottom of the wall.

The Australian hamster wanted Marat while the Swedish one wanted Juan Carlos. Since all the other hamsters in the group were couples, they had no other chance than to share a room together, but luckily, they found out one day that they could coexist in peace with the same purpose; get that hottie next door.

“Do you think they know about that hole? If they move the table above it, they’ll find out!” Joachim was worried that Juan Carlos might kick them out of the group.

“Nonsense. This hole is small and even if they find out, we can always say that it was there from the beginning.”

Joachim wasn’t totally convinced. “It’s not that small if we can push a rope with a hook inside.”

Yes, they had made a rope out of one of Jeu’s socks and attached a hook at one end. It helped them to drag an object near the hole to see what Marat and Juan Carlos liked to own. The two even quizzed each other with questions on their beloved ones and the cooperative relationship was going rather well.

Usually, most of the hamsters’ days were sketched like this. Since they didn’t have an indoor season, the younger ones who still played professional tennis had to wait until March for the season to start and the Parisian winter was too cold to go out on a daily basis.

However, there had been some noticeable events throughout the past month. One day, Richard and Ernests had wanted the same sock and had a serious snow fight.

“I saw it first! It’s mine!” Ernests yelled.

“No way! I grabbed it first! It’s mine!” Richard didn’t let go of the yellow sock.

While the two battled, Novak and Andy were sharing a box of almonds.

“Wow, he’s so bendy!” Novak observed.

“He is.” Andy flashed a grin and added. “You have no idea what sorts of positions we’re able to do together.”

“Hahaha. Well, I do have a pretty good idea. Ernie likes to try some crazy ones too. I sometimes feel like he counts too much on my bendiness.”

“Ahaha, he does? Well, he’s the new cutie in town, so keep him satisfied.”

Then, the other day, Richard and Andy had an argument about Andy buying a car when they were supposed to economize.

“But, Richie, it’s not an expensive one. And, you know you’ll like it, once I get it. I could drive you anywhere you want.”

“Andy, I really want to go to the Moon!”

“I swear that it’s going to be useful, much more than you think. Come on, I’ll let you top for the next whole month if you say yes. In fact, you don’t even have to say yes. Just nod and I’m all yours for the next four weeks.” Andy’s voice dropped dangerously and it took all of Richard’s effort not to jump his boyfriend there and then.

Then, on another day, Marat had hurt his ear in a somewhat embarrassing manner. He had gone upstairs to get food with Lleyton and got stuck in the hole that they used as a door. The small hole had been there even before they had moved in, and since Marat and Ernests were quite big, Juan Carlos had made a bigger hole so that every hamster could go out and come in freely. But Marat had forgotten how much he had eaten during the Christmas season and had chosen the smaller hole that was nearer to his room.

“Pull harder, Pim-Pim! Come on!!” Lleyton shouted as he pushed Marat’s butt as hard as he could.

“I can’t pull him any harder. You push him harder from out there!” Joachim shouted back.

Unlike the two serious hamsters, Marat was actually enjoying the situation. ‘Oh, this is so nice. Lleyton’s hands on my ass and Pim-Pim’s hands tugging so sweetly at my wrists. Nice.’

“Pull!” Lleyton yelled again.

“I’m pulling. You push harder!!”

Marat’s grin got bigger and bigger as he managed to stay stuck for another five minutes.

“What’s all the fuss about?” Of course, Juan Carlos had to appear out of nowhere and spoil the fun.

“He’s stuck!” Pim-Pim was getting tired by the minute. The Russian hamster wouldn’t budge.

“He is?” Juan Carlos rubbed his chin and asked, “Who’s out there pushing?”

“Lleyton.”

“Hewitt! Step back a few meters and kick him hard!” The Spanish hamster knew exactly how to read his boyfriend’s mind. The bastard was having fun.

“Juanqui! You can’t make him kick me!”

“Shut up, dear.” Juan Carlos smiled and soon, his smile grew bigger as Marat flew forwards, landing with a huge thump on the floor.

Today, it had been peaceful unlike some of the days as described above. If there was something unusual, it was the fact that Richard and Ernests had to go upstairs together and get food. Normally, they would have been paired with their own boyfriends, but Andy was busy fixing the engine of his car and Novak was busy trying to get his hair under control for a dinner date with his Latvian cutie.

“Come on, Gulbis. What’s taking you so long?”

Richard already got enough food for the ten of them and was waiting for Ernests to come back from the refrigerator. He was supposed to get some milk and juice.

“Ernests! Come back already! You’re stuck somewhere?” Richard tried to stand on his toes to look up at the refrigerator when he suddenly felt a cold shiver run down his spine.

‘Oh my holy lord… What is that?’

He could see a shadow over his own, which was probably too big to belong to another hamster.

‘Jesus Christ…’

Richard slowly turned around, mouth dry and heart beating ever so fast.

“Hi, there, yummy looking mouse.”

The cat smacked his lips in anticipation. The hamster not only looked cute, but also smelled delicious. He was totally different from Mitch. Apparently, there were still adorable hamsters out there.

“Eek!!”

The hamster looked around for any kind of weapon that he could use. For once, the kitchen floor was surprisingly clean.

“Richard, look at what I found!” Ernests beamed as he showed the French hamster a mini-packet of hot chocolate before he realized that the cat was looking down at them.

“Oh my…”

Gulp.

Ernests had never seen a cat this close before. He dropped everything that he had been carrying, his mind blank as a white sheet of paper. He had no idea what he was supposed to do.

“Well, well, well, it must be my birthday. I get to have two pretty hamsters as my dinner today.”

The cat put on a mischievous smile and closed in on the two frightened hamsters.

“Oh, Richie…”

“Ernie…”

The hamsters clung to each other and trembled. There wasn’t enough space to run thanks to the cat’s incredible fatness and they were too scared to move anyway.

“Okay. Who wants to have the luxury to spend some time in my mouth first?”

Richard and Ernests ducked their heads, holding each other even closer. They had never been more scared in their whole lives.

“What about you, sweetie? You look younger.”

The cat pointed at Ernests with his paw and it was then that a quick picspam of Novak passed in Ernests’ mind.

“Nole…”

“I’m coming, Ernie!!”

The two hamsters looked up to see where the sound came from. A hamster was wearing a black Zorro mask and a cape, flying in the air with the help of a rope.

“Nole!!” Ernests quickly left Richard’s arms and took a step forward.

Novak stabbed the cat’s ear with his sword, dropped it for Richard and caught his lovely boyfriend by the waist.

“Got you!”

“What about me?”

While Richard grabbed the handle of the sword in frustration, a familiar voice roared in the kitchen.

“It’s now! Fire!!”

Juan Carlos ordered and the other hamsters started firing pebbles with their slingshots.

The cat backed away from Richard and the leader with a big Spanish hat ordered again.

“Once more! Fire!”

The cat took another step back and Andy drove his car at full speed.

“Richie, hop in!”

Richard stabbed the cat in his fat butt with all his might before getting in the car.

“I told you it was going to be useful one day.” Andy flashed a grin at his boyfriend while Richard yelled out.

“Andy! Watch out!”

“Shit!”

Barely avoiding the cat’s huge paw, the red car rushed towards their small garage.

“What’s all this noise?” Jeu came back home from the bakery and saw hamsters in her kitchen.

“Withdraw!! Rescue operation over! Withdraw!” Juan Carlos ordered and all the hamsters started to run back to their home sweet home.

“Ernie!!” Novak cried out as he saw Jeu pick up his boyfriend.

“Damn, you’re cute!”

Jeu smiled and even drooled a little. Then, she felt a spiky haired hamster bite her toe and she dropped Ernests who landed safely in Novak’s arms.

“You saved me!” Ernests was touched. “Twice!”

“I always will, baby. I always will.” Novak winked and gave the younger hamster a passionate kiss while Jeu was busy sobbing over her toe.

For the next few days, Juan Carlos and Mitch talked every six hours, making sure that Jeu had no intention to call the company that eradicated bugs and rats or to buy a nasty mouse trap. The leader hamster even suggested that until it became safer, the older hamsters should go upstairs and get food. Tim and Andy didn’t complain, but of course, Marat and Lleyton needed a few glares and pinches from Juan Carlos to behave.

One day, it was Tim and Juan Carlos’ turn to go get food. Tim carefully opened the door and sneaked out of the hole as Juan Carlos followed him closely.

“Oh, Juanqui. Look at this!”

“What’s wrong?”

Tim stepped aside so that the Spanish hamster could see what was in front of them. There were special hamster snack and all sorts of juice with a note written “From Jeu, with love.”

“Oh my god, this must be some sort of peace offering!” Tim chuckled happily while Juan Carlos counted the amount of food and drinks.

“Tim, do you happen to have a pen on you?”

“Sure. Here you go.”

“Thanks.”

Juan Carlos wrote down the following words on the other side of the note.

We are ten. Next time, we expect more than this.

“What? What’s wrong with you? She’s being nice.”

Tim couldn’t believe what his friend had just written. He snatched the pen from Juan Carlos’ hand and added some words underneath.

Thank you for letting us borrow your socks. We’ll knit warm and comfortable winter socks for you to return the favor.

“You’re going to knit her socks?” Juan Carlos asked and shivered a little when he saw Tim beam a little bit too brightly.

“Yes, we are all going to! All of us!”

So the very next day, the ten hamsters were gathered around in the living room, wondering if knitting all together was really necessary. Tim had even borrowed a blackboard from an old friend of his who used to be a teacher, and he was eagerly drawing stuff which was supposed to help the other hamsters understand the whole knitting process better.

“Do you get that?” Novak asked Andrew who was nodding each time Tim finished a sentence.

“Nah, I never do. Just nod and he’ll appreciate your effort.”

“Oh, okay.”

So Novak nodded eagerly while Tim spotted a horrible mistake on Lleyton’s sock.

“Lleyton, what are you doing?”

“You said that I should put this one in here.” The Australian hamster pointed at the thread.

“No, he said in here.” Joachim helped out his roommate.

“Oh, really? Huh, you know everything, Pim-Pim.”

“That’s because you don’t know anything.” The Swedish hamster joked. “You can’t even push Marat’s fat ass properly.”

“Hey, I have a heart and feelings, hamsters.” Marat protested but Juan Carlos poked him in the ribs.

“It’s not exactly a proud thing to talk about. So stay quiet and just knit.”

“Thank you, Juanqui.” Tim smiled and went back to his passionate teaching.

The day when the socks were finally finished (of course, Lleyton, Marat and Andy’s socks never passed Tim’s strict quality test), Tim wrapped them up nicely and asked Ernests and Richard to go put them upstairs.

“Why us?” Ernests protested, afraid that Jeu might lift him up again.

“Because you two are the cutest. Now go.”

Tim patted them on the back and the two hamsters pouted their way upstairs with the huge parcel of socks.

“Okay. Ready? All we have to do is to open this door and push the parcels.” Richard reassured Ernests (they seemed to get along better after the near-death experience) and opened the door.

“Eek!!”

Much to the hamsters’ surprise, Jeu’s face was right in front of their nose, smiling with her mouth wide open. Richard wanted to throw the socks in her face and run back to his room but he didn’t want to be rude. So he put on his most charming smile and waved his hand.

“Hi to you too.” Jeu waved back and saw Richard and Ernests put two huge parcels on the floor.

“Awww, they’re even wrapped! Well, I have a little something for you guys too. Ta-dah!”

She showed off her awesome gift wrapping skill and the hamsters let out a loud “Wow!”

“These chocolates are from Belgium. They’re absolutely to die for. And, these are from Germany. They have very yummy cookies.”

While Jeu was explaining about her special present, Mitch had his arms crossed. He couldn’t believe what he was witnessing.

‘Huh, even I didn’t get that stuff on my birthday. Oh, well, Juanqui always deserves the best.’

“Would you like to live upstairs?” Jeu asked the two cute hamsters after helping them put the snack inside the hole.

But as soon as she asked, Andy and Novak snatched their boyfriends away, and Juan Carlos appeared to close the door.

“Bye, Jeu.”

“Aww. But it will be more comfortable up here!”

“Please have some respect for our home.” Juan Carlos spoke in a serious tone and soon, the door was shut.

However, as time passed by, the hamsters and Jeu got to know each other better and after a few months, all the hamsters moved upstairs and Jeu even attended the prestigious Hamsters’ Roland Garros for the two whole weeks to cheer for her favorite players and witnessed Richard lift the trophy.

“Good job, kid!”

Jeu high-fived the ultimate champion and promised him a nice present. “As soon as we get back home, I’ll draw you lifting that Cup!”

“Yay! I get a Jeu drawing! Yay!!”

Richard jumped up and down. His smile lit up the stadium and the whole family congratulated him.

“Ah, that’s my boy!”

Andy pressed his lips against the crimson cheek and Juan Carlos patted him on the head.

“Well done!”

It was a peaceful afternoon under the warm sun of Paris and Jeu thought that today could be the highlight of her year.

THE END.