Fic: Glee: Twenty-three Firsts (Kurt/Blaine, NC-17) - A Near Misses story 2/5
Part one of the story.
Title: "Twenty-three Firsts" 2/5 [on the AO3]
Author: flaming muse
Fandom: Glee
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: NC-17 overall
Word count: 8,400 this part, 54,000 overall
Summary: Friends, places, and conversations: twenty-three firsts for Kurt and Blaine. A Near Misses story.
Spoilers: all of Near Misses, which includes elements of canon through 3x22 ("Goodbye")
Notes: set just after Near Misses (and assumes "Facebook Official")
Disclaimers: The characters belong to various corporate Powers That Be. I make absolutely no profit from playing with them.
Distribution: Please ask.
Feedback is lovely!
6. Surprise
Blaine rubbed at his eyes as he walked out of the lecture hall, his shoulders slumped and his writing hand aching. The econ test he had just managed to finish before the end of the period had been brutal, and he had to get halfway across campus to his next class and make his brain pay attention enough to take notes when all he wanted to do was go take a nap and recover.
Unfortunately neither napping nor recovering was an option. He had an intense double lecture of poli sci to get through. He sighed and turned left, toward the outer door he needed to take.
"Blaine?"
Blaine looked up in surprise. That was Kurt's voice, and there was Kurt, standing against the polished stone wall across the corridor, out of the way from the students rushing past.
"I have class," Blaine said in confused apology. "I need to - I can't - "
"I know. I'm not here to make you late." Kurt threaded his way through the students and held out a little white box wrapped in pretty gold and silver ribbons. "I just brought these for you to help you get through your day." He lifted his chin as though he were steeling himself.
Blaine took the box and stared at it dumbly for a moment. He knew exactly what it looked like. "Is this from Chloe's Creations?"
"Butterscotch chocolate chip cookies," Kurt replied with a nod and a tentative smile, like for some crazy reason Blaine might not want to accept them.
"Those are my favorite," Blaine said, looking back up at him in absolute wonder.
Kurt's smile grew. "I know. I thought you could use them after your test."
"I - "
Glancing around at the steady stream of students, Kurt tucked his hand in the lapel of Blaine's coat, leaned in to press a quick kiss to his cheek, and said with the color rising in his face, "You have to go to class."
It was more than the drain of the test and the shock of the surprise that was making Blaine's brain slow to work; Kurt was doing this for him. Kurt had taken time out of his own very busy schedule to walk blocks to Blaine's favorite bakery to get him his favorite cookies and bring them to him and had kissed him with all of these people glancing at them curiously as they passed just because Blaine was going to have a miserable day. Kurt had done this for him. "Thank you," Blaine managed to say.
Kurt patted his chest and took a step back. "You're welcome. Hurry, or you'll be late. I'll see you at dinner." When Blaine didn't move, he added, "Blaine, you're going to be late. You know how your professor gets when people walk in after he starts. First there's mocking, then there's yelling and throwing of whiteboard markers."
"I know, I - " Blaine shook his head and got control of his feet, walking backwards in the direction of the door. "Thank you."
"Thank me at dinner." Kurt stood there watching him with a giddy, almost triumphant smile until Blaine had to turn around and run to his next class.
7. Karaoke Wes
Saturday night, Kurt was standing in the narrow hallway by the coat check at Cliff's, waiting for Blaine and Tina to entrust their coats to the heathens and unknown infestations of the cloak room, his heel already bouncing with the beat coming from the singers on stage and his thoughts on what he was in the mood to sing, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
He spun around to find Wes and Esther standing there.
"Kurt," Wes said, holding his hand out to him to shake.
Kurt's eyebrows raised despite himself at the unexpected gesture, but he moved his coat to his other arm, met Wes's hand, and shook it.
"Congratulations," Wes told him quite seriously.
"Thank you," Kurt replied, trying to keep the confusion out of his voice.
Wes nodded. "See you inside," he said and headed toward the coat check.
As Esther passed by, she leaned up and said in Kurt's ear, "That means he's happy for you two." She gave him a huge smile and followed her boyfriend.
"Okay," Kurt said to himself, mystified by the whole encounter.
8. Karaoke
As much as he might have wanted to, Blaine knew that he wasn't really going to get to spend the night at karaoke holding Kurt's hand and singing romantic songs to him, but he'd kind of assumed he'd get to spend some time with him.
The subway ride over with Tina had been a nice start, with Kurt relaxed enough beside him that he swayed into Blaine's side with the rhythm of the train - and Kurt's cologne or aftershave or whatever it was drifting up from the collar of his jacket was the best head-spinning scent to block out the much less pleasant smells around them - and the conversation about all of the work they had to get done before Spring Break in a couple of weeks was good-natured. It felt like the best of their group of friends - easy, fond, full of humor, ready to have a great night of fun together - only Kurt wasn't just a friend anymore, and he didn't hesitate for a second when Blaine offered him his hand to help him up from his seat at their stop.
It felt really, really good.
The problem started when Rachel had grabbed Blaine's arm the minute he and Kurt had approached the tables where their friends were sitting and had dragged him off into the corner for a brief but utterly terrifying warning about exactly how important it was to her that he took being Kurt's boyfriend seriously, and then just when he'd been ready to promise her anything as long as she stopped looking at him with daggers in her eyes she'd pronounced herself absolutely thrilled for them both and had dragged him up onto the stage to celebrate the news with her.
Why he was celebrating having Kurt as a boyfriend with her instead of getting to be with Kurt Blaine wasn't quite sure, but he didn't think he let it show as he supported her through Celine Dion's "Eyes on Me." Kurt's smile from his seat beside Tina seemed genuine and approving enough, anyway.
Blaine went to the bar after the song to get a soda for himself and after a few moments' indecision a fruit spritzer for Kurt, hoping it would be a welcome treat, but by the time he got back to the table Kurt wasn't there anymore. He was on stage with Esther, Priya, Tina, and some other young woman Blaine didn't know, singing "Say You'll Be There."
Blaine set the drinks down with a sigh and would have been happy to sit and watch him perform, especially since Kurt was singing Posh Spice's parts way better than she ever did and looked just as regal and fashionable in that slate-colored shirt and dark tie, only Mike scooted over next to him.
"Good to see you, Blaine," Mike said.
"Thanks," Blaine replied, reluctantly tearing his eyes away from Kurt. "How are you?"
"Good. Busy, but good. It sounds like you're having a great week, yourself," Mike said with a knowing if friendly smile.
Blaine's laugh came out more nervously than he expected. "If you're going to do your duty as a friend and threaten me about Kurt, you're going to have to work really hard to get scarier than Rachel," he told him. He tried to sound like he was joking.
Mike laughed, too, so Blaine guessed it worked. "Nope, no threats. Just hope that you guys will make each other happy."
"Thanks," Blaine said. He was honestly a little surprised by all of the attention about their change in status - with Sebastian his friends at Dalton had pretty much not reacted one way or another when they started dating other than to be sure invite them both together, but usually all of the Warblers were invited to everything, anyway - but it was kind of encouraging. He guessed a lot of their relationship had played out in public, too, in terms of them being at odds and growing together as friends, so maybe the group had a vested interest in them remaining happy. It certainly would make things easier on everyone if they did. "I hope so, too."
"So far so good?" Mike asked with a kind lift of his eyebrows.
Blaine couldn't stop the smile that swept across his face at the thought of the past week, with how full his heart felt every time Kurt looked at him with warmth in his eyes, every time Kurt touched him with tenderness, every time Kurt said or did something that just automatically included him in a basic but deep way. The growing closeness between them was the very thing he'd been trying to avoid finding with someone for so long, and he had been the biggest idiot in the world not to realize it was exactly what he wanted. Even though it wasn't all smooth sailing, he felt so wanted. "Yes," he said, his smile growing even bigger.
Mike clapped him on the shoulder. "I can see that. That's great," he said, and it sounded like he really meant it.
"It is," Blaine said with gratitude, both for the support and for the fact that he was somehow in this position with Kurt in the first place.
"You know, he - " Mike began, but he was cut off by Tina coming over and flopping down onto his lap.
"Hi!" She gave Mike a kiss on the cheek.
"Blaine!" Esther said from behind him. When he turned to face her, he found her looking very serious. "Tonight's the night."
"What?" he asked.
"Wes just told me that he's staying here for Spring Break instead of going somewhere warm with me," Esther told him.
"I have an internship," Wes leaned across the table to explain.
"And I have a bikini," she shot back, her expression annoyed but her eyes twinkling. "So tonight's the night, Blaine. Wes ruined my romantic week of sun and surf, so we're going to ruin his night." She stood for a moment, taking a dramatic pause with her hands on her hips. "We're doing country music."
"Yes!" Blaine said as Wes sunk his head into his hands.
"So it's your pick. Billy Ray or Shania," Esther said to Blaine.
"I don't care. Whichever you'd rather sing," he replied.
"Oh, no, you'll have to be lead," she said. "I might want to punish him, but I don't want to break his eardrums by singing lead, myself."
"Then maybe not Shania," Kurt said, and Blaine turned in surprise. He hadn't realized Kurt had slipped into the seat beside him, and he was kind of disappointed about that he hadn't noticed immediately. He felt like he should have. "Hearing Blaine sing 'Man! I Feel Like A Woman!' might break his brain instead."
"Oh, I've heard him sing far worse," Wes said, and Kurt's head tilted with curiosity.
Blaine rushed to change the subject. "I got this for you," he said, pushing the fruity drink along the tabletop toward Kurt. "I hope it didn't warm up too much."
"Aww!" Esther said. "That's so sweet!"
Clearly surprised, Kurt looked at the drink, up at Esther, and then over at Blaine. His mouth curved into a small smile as he reached for the martini glass. "Thank you," he said and took a sip. Locked on Blaine's over the rim, his eyes crinkled even more. "It's perfect."
"You're welcome," Blaine said softly, his heart beginning to pound. Kurt's eyes were so gorgeous when they were happy, and he had made them shine that way.
"You - " Kurt began.
"Come on, Blaine," Esther said, tugging at Blaine's arm and breaking the moment that had been growing. "It's our turn."
Blaine got to his feet, still looking at Kurt and feeling uneasily like he might slip away again. "Don't go away."
"I'll be here," Kurt said with a smile. "Go punish us all for Wes's transgression by singing country."
"I - "
Kurt waved him on with the drink in his hand. "You'll be great."
Blaine was great, if he said so himself; he might have been modest about a lot of things, but singing wasn't one of them, and he'd had the crowd eating out of the palm of his hand despite country music being a rarity for the bar. He'd even gotten Esther to take a few lines on her own.
But when Blaine got back to the table after singing "Achy Breaky Heart" Kurt was nowhere to be found. He'd been there throughout the song, talking to the group at the table but his eyes mostly on the stage, but he was suddenly gone, only his coat over his chair and his empty glass indication that he'd been there at all. He wasn't at the bar or flipping through the song binder, either.
"Rachel spilled something on her dress," Tina explained as Blaine looked around, confused. "Kurt's helping her get it out. He's magic with that kind of thing."
"Oh," Blaine said. He had to be disappointed not to return in triumph from the stage to his boyfriend's side, but he'd seen Kurt work wonders with club soda and a steely gleam in his eye that dared a stain to set right in front of him. He understood why Rachel would have wanted his help.
"He'll be back," she assured him, patting his arm. "Don't worry."
"I'm not," Blaine replied and managed a smile. He shouldn't be so disappointed about him being gone for a few minutes, but they hadn't had much time together yet, and he really wanted to perform with him. He'd been thinking about it all week, about how Kurt had sung with him on that train platform and about how even if Kurt hadn't liked his idea for a duet in the Review he had said that he liked singing with Blaine. He'd been thinking about their duet a month ago on that karaoke stage, "Private Idaho," how much fun it had been to play off of each other within the music, and how much better it was going to be tonight when Blaine knew his heart well enough to sing it out into Kurt's eyes.
He really didn't want to have to wait any more to get to do that.
But he had to, so he reached for his soda and asked Tina, "Have you picked a topic for your research project yet?"
Tina flopped back dramatically in her chair and groaned like she was dying.
"I guess that's a no?" Blaine said.
"If I run away and join the circus, will you come visit me?" she asked. "I'll get you half-priced peanuts."
"Absolutely," he promised.
After Blaine nodded and offered sympathy to Tina for a few minutes, Rachel strode through the doorway and made a bee-line for them. Kurt trailed behind her, his eyebrows quirked in a way that made it seem like he was partly annoyed and partly amused.
"If people are going to be so disrespectful as to eat animal products near me," she announced to the table and sat primly in her chair, "I would really appreciate it if you would be careful not to drip pig fat on my clothes." She looked pointedly at Ethan.
Kurt rolled his eyes as he skirted the table toward Blaine. "And for those of us who live in reality, it means please watch what you're eating when she's giving an impassioned speech about Sondheim and keep it well away from her flailing arms." He bypassed a few empty seats and sat on the chair next to Blaine.
Blaine's heart fluttered, actually fluttered like a butterfly in his chest, because Kurt might have chosen to sit by him sometimes before they were dating, but now maybe it really was a given that he would. Sebastian had made it clear he hadn't wanted to be stuck to his side, but Kurt seemed to like to be there. He hadn't considered his options; he'd just sat there.
"Hi," Blaine said, turning in his seat and smiling at him.
"Hi." Kurt tilted his head and smiled, too. "Having fun?"
"Yes, especially now that you're back. I should have known I'd have to fight for your attention not just from other people but from clothes, too."
Kurt smiled even more and said, "You don't have to fight for it at all." He was so close, so handsome, so perfectly dressed, his eyes focused only on Blaine, his beautiful, beautiful eyes that were so deep and full of happiness directed at him, and his mouth curved and soft and -
"Sorry to interrupt," Wes said from behind them, and Blaine pulled away, reaching for his drink to cover the way he'd been staring at and swaying toward Kurt. Wes put a hand on his shoulder. "In the spirit of retribution, I need to borrow Blaine."
"Oh?" Kurt asked, looking up at him. He didn't seem the least bit flustered, and Blaine wondered if he'd imagined the moment he thought they'd been about to have.
Wes gave him a grave nod. "Esther made me listen to country music; I'm going to make her listen to Hair."
"No!" Esther wailed from across the table. "No, Wes, come on. I had a reason to torture you! This is unfair. This is mean. This is - "
"Payback," Wes told her. "Come on, Blaine. We're up."
"But I - " Blaine stopped himself from gesturing at Kurt. Wanting to spend time with his boyfriend probably wasn't an acceptable excuse for not helping Wes, even if it seemed like a good one to him.
"This is a Warbler emergency, Blaine," Wes said, his eyes narrowing at Esther. "I am requesting your help."
"Well, if it's a Warbler emergency," Kurt said dryly.
"We take our brotherhood very seriously," Wes told him.
Blaine knew he had to go. It was Wes, and he'd invoked the Warblers. This was important. Still, if he let Kurt out of his sight again and Kurt got pulled off somewhere, he wasn't sure he'd be able to hide his feelings about it. "Will you sing with me when I get back?" he asked in a rush. "Please?"
Kurt blinked at him for a moment, obviously taken aback by the tumble of words, and then he smiled again. "I might even let you pick the song," he told Blaine.
"Thank you," Blaine said with feeling, reaching out to touch Kurt's arm. Then he bounced to his feet.
"I said might," Kurt called after him.
"Okay!" Blaine said over his shoulder and followed after Wes to the stage.
"Hmm," Wes said, flipping through the binder to the musicals section and looking through their options. "Should we do the title song? Or maybe 'Ain't Got No.' I wonder what would upset her the most."
"You really want to upset her?" Blaine asked, glancing over his shoulder at the table where Esther was gesticulating wildly at their friends. She looked unhappy but not devastated, like maybe she was enjoying playing her part in the teasing game.
Wes looked over toward her, too, a tiny smile touching his lips. "Yes, but only a little. Oh, 'Good Morning, Starshine'; she loathes that one. She can go on about it for hours. Although since we can't change the key, that would be a stretch for us. Should we ask Rachel to join us?"
"Let's pick something we want to sing." Blaine watched Kurt cover a laugh with his hand and wished he were there beside him to enjoy the sound. He turned away toward the binder; the sooner they were finished, the sooner he could be back at the table. "Here. 'Manchester England'. Let's do that one."
"Good range, two male parts… all right." Wes put the selection in the machine and handed Blaine one of the microphones. "For the honor of Warblers," he said seriously.
Blaine saluted him with his microphone.
The song was well-suited to them, and he and Wes knew just how to blend their voices together, but Blaine had trouble relaxing into it because at first Kurt was smiling at him almost proudly in the most distracting way from across the room, making Blaine's heart do that fluttery thing again, and then because Kurt wasn't smiling at all because Rachel was holding onto his arm and talking into his ear and gesturing up at the stage. At Blaine. She was smiling and nudging him, but Kurt wasn't looking happy at all. It almost made Blaine lose his place in the song.
Finally Kurt snapped something at her, and she pulled away. Kurt turned his attention back to Blaine during the closing notes, but that smile of his was gone.
So was that lovely lightness in Blaine's chest.
When Blaine clattered down the stairs, he found Kurt walking toward the bar. Kurt met his eyes, so he clearly wasn't avoiding him, and Blaine changed direction to meet him over at the sign-up list, where Kurt was writing his name at the bottom of the sheet.
"It looks like we have a little while to wait," Kurt said, setting down the pen.
"Is everything okay?" Blaine asked, because that warm, flirty light in Kurt's eyes was definitely dimmed.
Kurt nodded and smoothed the cuff of his shirt. "Fine," he said a little distantly.
Blaine tried again. "Did Rachel want something?"
"When doesn't she?" Kurt turned, putting his back against the bar and looking up at the stage where two young women were absolutely mangling The Beatles.
"Kurt - "
"Let's look at our song options," Kurt said, but Blaine caught at his sleeve. Kurt met his eyes, and it was like looking at Kurt from months ago, closed off, self-contained, and far away.
"What's going on?" Blaine asked him, feeling helpless in the face of this all too familiar person who was so suddenly out of reach. This wasn't how the night was supposed to go at all.
Kurt stood very still for a long moment as the women screeched their way through 'Norwegian Wood', and then some of the tension melted from his frame. It wasn't much, but his posture loosened and his mouth softened. There was his Kurt again, at least a hint of him. "Let's just say that Rachel is very pleased for us, and she likes to go on about it at length and in great detail."
Blaine laughed a little, more relieved than amused. "Your friends seem to have a lot of opinions about us."
"Our friends," Kurt corrected, and he tipped his head in question. "Right?"
"Of course they are," Blaine said. "But most of them were yours first."
"I will happily give you Rachel," Kurt said dryly. "Although that's hardly fair to you. You should have heard what she was suggesting about what we should be - " He shook his head. "Never mind. I promised you a song."
Blaine felt his smile spread across his face before he even registered Kurt's words. They were going to sing together finally. This was going to be amazing. Kurt was going to sing with him, to him, and Blaine was going to sing back, and it was going to be perfect and everything his heart wanted.
"You did," he said. He gestured toward the binder and let Kurt go ahead of him. "I had a few thoughts. A lot, actually. There are so many good choices. 'Every Little Thing She Does is Magic', 'Head Over Heels', 'Crazy for You' - "
"Oh, let's not make a spectacle of ourselves, Blaine," Kurt said with a distant sigh, not looking over at him as Blaine's heart stopped, went into free-fall, and crashed onto the floor.
Blaine had no idea what to say, but it didn't matter, because Kurt wasn't even looking at him.
"No love songs," Kurt muttered to himself as he skipped that thick section of the binder.
Blaine felt like the room was swaying beneath his feet, and he put a hand out onto a nearby speaker to ground himself in what he hoped looked like a casual gesture.
He'd thought - Kurt had said he wanted to sing - Hadn't he been smiling and - ?
But, no, it made sense, he told himself. It did. Blaine was getting ahead of himself. Kurt didn't want to sing with him in the Review, and he didn't want to sing a love song here, and Sebastian had always told Blaine he was too pushy, too needy, too quick to express his feelings in song. Sebastian had always hated the spectacle of it, too.
Maybe Kurt liked Blaine's affection in private - he found himself wondering in horror if Kurt only tolerated it, no, he knew better than that, didn't he? - but in public, Blaine had to be a little more reserved. Of course he did. He was getting swept up in Kurt and in everything he wanted to do with Kurt, and that wasn't right. It wasn't about him, it was about them, and if Blaine took a second he could see every negative signal Kurt was sending as subtly as he could, probably out of deference to Blaine's feelings.
Blaine had to pull back. He had to. Kurt didn't want a spectacle. Kurt didn't want Blaine to make a spectacle. Kurt didn't want to sing a song about love with him, and that had to be okay. He would take what Kurt wanted to give him and not ask for more, not push for it. It was him assuming he could have more that was the problem, it was always the problem, and he -
"I was thinking this one," Kurt said with a smile, gesturing to a song on one of the pages.
Blaine felt stiff and cold, but he took an automatic step forward beside him and looked where Kurt was pointing. He blinked, not quite sure what he was seeing. The page was marked as the Labyrinth soundtrack. "I love that movie," he said slowly.
"I know," Kurt said, nudging his shoulder against his. "That's why I picked it." Surprised, Blaine jerked at the contact, and Kurt looked over at him curiously. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Blaine said, swallowing. "I just - I'm - "
Kurt turned toward him, watching his face with concern. "Do you not want to sing? You said you did, but I know you've been up there a lot."
"No, I - " Blaine cleared his throat and wished the world would stop reeling around him. "I want to sing with you."
"Do you want to sing something else?" Kurt asked.
"I love this song," Blaine said helplessly, because he did, and Kurt knew it and had picked it for them. He wasn't quite sure what was going on, but maybe it wasn't quite as bad as he had thought.
Kurt gave him a tentative smile. "So…?"
Blaine nodded. "Yes."
"Good," Kurt said, his eyes crinkling up with joy, and he put their selection into the computer as Blaine pulled himself back from the edge of misery he'd been skirting and followed Kurt instead.
Singing was Kurt was absolutely incredible, even better than Blaine had remembered and certainly better than he had expected from their conversation beforehand, because from the first note Kurt was right there with him, his Kurt, seemingly holding nothing back as Blaine danced around the stage and did his best David Bowie impression through "Magic Dance." Kurt's eyes were sparkling with laughter, but he didn't falter at all, just skipped out of the way as Blaine circled him and teased him back through his own parts.
If it wasn't a love song, if Kurt was looking at him fondly instead of adoringly, if Blaine was playing to the audience instead of pouring out his heart, well, it was still wonderful to watch Kurt in his element and to get to show off a little for him. He could see the admiration in Kurt's eyes when he chose an interesting harmony or hit a particularly strong note, and Kurt rose to the occasion, too, lifting his voice higher and higher through his range as the song went on.
It was a challenge, and Blaine was happy to accept it, singing harder and better, not to upstage Kurt but for them to do their best as partners.
Blaine's heart lifted with the music, the give and take between them, this song he had loved since he was a child, and the fire in Kurt's eyes, and by the time the song was over he could almost be okay with Kurt not wanting to sing something sweet with him, because at least they were singing together.
Together was good. Together was great. Blaine loved together.
They were both grinning as they took their bows, and Blaine grabbed at Kurt's hand when they were down the stairs.
"I love that song, and I'm happy I got to sing it with you," he said. "Thank you."
"Thank you," Kurt said breathlessly, his entire face lit up, and he let Blaine lead him back to the table hand-in-hand.
They were greeted with a smattering of applause by their friends when they returned, and Kurt laughed and curtseyed to them while Blaine just smiled at him, his heart feeling warm and big in his chest.
"You were wonderful," Rachel said, patting the chair beside her. "I've always thought your voices worked well together, and of course now that you've taken this new step in your relationship you clearly have an additional layer of emotion that if you expressed it would make your performances positively swoon-worthy and - "
"Thank you, Rachel," Kurt said shortly, pulling his hand away from Blaine's with a jerk and taking a seat a few chairs away from her while Blaine stood there, numb with surprise as Kurt was just gone again.
Rachel leaned toward Kurt. "You may not be able to see how much it enhances your singing for the two of you to be so wrapped up in each other that the audience can't help but melt at -"
Kurt interrupted her. "Not all of us need to pick our duet partners based on our personal feelings, you know, as much as that was a staple of your high school experience. Some of us can perform without that crutch."
"Crutch? Just because my voice blended particularly well with Finn's doesn't mean I haven't - " Rachel began, and Blaine wondered how the good mood they'd just been enjoying could disappear so quickly.
"I'm going up to the bar," Mike said, getting up in a rush. "Come with me, Blaine?"
Blaine looked between Rachel and Kurt, talking in not particularly low voices across the table, and nodded. It was an abrupt return to reality. It was an abrupt reminder of what it was, of what his place in it was. "Sure."
"I thought you could use a rescue," Mike told him as they made their way across the room. "When they start going at it, it's usually a good idea to get out of the way. They don't pull punches with each other."
Blaine watched Kurt's eyes narrow with annoyance. "Have they always been this way?"
Mike clapped him on the back. "It used to be worse. But don't worry; they'll be back to singing Streisand together in a half hour."
And they were, the two of them positively glowing up on stage as they sang "The Way We Were" with more sentiment than Blaine really wanted to see. He knew it wasn't the same thing at all, but it was hard for him to sit back in wonderment at their unquestionable talent when Kurt clearly had no trouble emoting at her through their performance. It was just Blaine he didn't want to sing with about love. Even with Rachel with her big facial expressions and sad eyes, it was Blaine who was a spectacle.
It was hard for that not to rankle.
And then when Kurt got back to the table, he didn't argue when Rachel led him to the opposite side from Blaine, where there were two chairs free together, and kept him wrapped up in conversation for another half hour, their heads bent close. Even though Kurt looked over at Blaine regularly and shrugged as if in apology, it just didn't feel good.
Blaine didn't want to play games. He didn't want to be guessing whether Kurt was going to run hot or cold. He just wanted to be with him, to express his feelings, and it hurt that Kurt wasn't on the same page.
It was okay. He didn't have any right to assume Kurt would be. But it still hurt. It still clawed in his chest, waking memories from Sebastian he wanted to put well behind him. He knew it wasn't the same, but it still didn't feel good at all when he spent the rest of the night talking with Wes and Mike and Kurt was nowhere near him.
So when they'd all gathered their coats and were out on the chilly New York street, he couldn't feel happy when Kurt came over and hooked his hand in the crook of Blaine's elbow. "Are you sure you want to do that?" he asked instead as they fell in at the back of the group heading for the subway.
"Oh, I'm sure that there aren't actually lice in the cloakroom," Kurt said, his step a happy bounce beside Blaine and his breath coming out in a puff of white in the winter air, "even if I can't make myself take that chance with my own coat."
"That's not what I meant."
Kurt looked over at him. "You're upset? I'm sorry about Rachel. Apparently she has a new gentleman caller who she thinks has been using her for her vocal range instead of - "
"This isn't about Rachel, Kurt," Blaine said, though he was relieved to hear there was a reason Rachel had monopolized him the way she had at the end of the night.
"Then what is it about?" Kurt asked more quietly. His hand was stiff on Blaine's arm, but he didn't remove it.
Blaine breathed, in and out, in and out, and told himself that he was being stupid. He was being jealous. He was being possessive. He had no right to be upset that -
"Is this about the song?" Kurt asked.
"I liked the song," Blaine told him, watching Mike's light feet on the pavement some yards ahead of them.
"But you wanted to sing something else. Something more… emotional."
His heart raw, Blaine made himself nod.
"Blaine." When Blaine didn't respond, Kurt gave a tug at his arm. Blaine met his eyes. "You've heard them. What they say. What they assume. What they think about us, what they picture in their dirty little minds. I don't want our relationship to be a spectacle for their entertainment. I want it to be about us."
"If we're not doing it for them, if we're doing it because we want to, then it is about us," Blaine insisted. "They know we're dating. They know we have feelings for each other."
"I know," Kurt said with such aching softness, not looking away from Blaine's face. "But my heart is yours, not theirs."
It was hard for Blaine to breathe around the power of those unexpected words, and his own trembling heart was in his throat, already in Kurt's hands. "Kurt - "
Kurt turned away, looking ahead of them, his mouth going flat. "I know it's silly of me. There was a time I would have sung my feelings from the top of my lungs. I did, in fact, for years, for no good reason but that a boy didn't immediately shove me into a locker every time he saw me or smiled back when I smiled at him in class. But this is different, you are different, this is real and not cheap or sordid, and I don't want to put on a show. I want this to be ours."
"This is ours," Blaine told him.
"I know." Kurt was silent for a moment. "But it's important to me, and I don't want to share it."
Blaine let himself take that in, think about it, and breathe through it. He wanted to get it right and be sure, not just react. He needed to listen to what Kurt was saying, not just the push-pull of desire and rejection he was feeling from him. He needed to hear what Kurt really meant, that this was too important to him to put on display, not that it wasn't important enough.
"Okay," he said finally. There was no answer Blaine could give him besides that one, because if Kurt didn't want his heart exposed to everyone's view, then it was Blaine's job to protect it, no matter that his own heart wanted to be singing out everything as loudly as it could.
"I'm sorry," Kurt told him, meeting his eyes again. He looked a little hesitant, concerned.
"Don't be," Blaine assured him and put his hand over Kurt's on his arm.
Kurt took a slow breath and sighed at himself. "I'm sure I'll get over it."
"You don't have to," Blaine said, even if he would have to do the same about his own wishes, and Kurt smiled at him and leaned in closer against his side as they walked.
9. Serious Talk About Sex
It had seemed like a good idea to Kurt at the time.
After all, they were two smart, conscientious young gay men, and they were in an exclusive relationship. They needed to sit down and talk about their sexual histories, practices, and health. They both knew it. It was an important step to take.
And they meant to, they really did, only one thing kept leading to another when they were alone - because they were also healthy, attractive, attracted young gay men - and they kept finding themselves at least partly undressed and in the middle of enjoying themselves without having had a proper talk.
So it made sense for them to come up with a dedicated time where they could sit and talk and make some good decisions not in the heat of the moment about what they needed to share and exactly how safe they needed to be with each other. They weren't going to be foolish or reckless, but if they could trust each other and had clean bills of health, they could talk about dispensing with condoms for at least some of the things they could do.
Kurt wanted that, and he knew Blaine did, too. He knew they both took their safety more seriously than most of their peers, who never used condoms for blow jobs to start with, but as important as being careful was, there was something wonderful about thinking that they didn't have to have the absolute safest sex possible with each other.
The only problem with the idea of sitting down to talk about sex was that Kurt found himself sitting in a quiet corner of a coffee shop, waiting to talk about his sexual history with his very hot, very sweet, and very much more experienced boyfriend.
He wondered as he sat and looked blankly out of the window with the buzz of the café like white noise in his ears if he could put his coat back on for an extra layer of protection. His chest was pounding, his hands were cold, and his throat was dry. This was going to be so mortifying.
He was starting to get to know Blaine's body, what Blaine liked, how best to touch him. He'd never had that kind of luxury to know another person that way, and that it was Blaine was such a gift, because Blaine was as generous with his reactions as he was with his own explorations. He was getting to learn about Blaine's favorite spots - the corner of his mouth, the warm spot beneath his ear, the flat muscles of his abdomen, the tendon in his inner thigh - and what Kurt could do with them to make him whimper, gasp, or laugh with desire. He was learning not a man's body but Blaine's body, and it was amazing.
Kurt was just starting to feel like he was getting the hang of sex with Blaine - not that it was getting dull or expected, but he didn't feel like he was going in entirely blind and trusting on instinct and encounters with past lovers to guide him - and now he was going to have to admit that he hardly knew anything at all.
It was going to change how Blaine saw him, and he couldn't be excited about Blaine judging his every touch in terms of his relative inexperience. But he still had to tell him.
He sighed and smoothed his high-necked sweater. This mature daylight talk had seemed like such a good idea at the time.
Kurt's cup of coffee cooled between his hands, undrunk, and finally Blaine came into the shop, his face lighting up the second he spotted Kurt. He came directly over.
"Hi," Blaine said warmly. His cheeks were flushed from the cold, and his eyes were sparkling like he was drinking in the sight of him.
"Hi," Kurt said, smiling back, because there was no way he could resist Blaine's happy face even if he was about to lose some of Blaine's respect. "I got you a coffee." He nodded at the second cup on the table.
"Thanks." Blaine sat, and instead of reaching for the cup he reached for Kurt's hands. He held them tight in his own winter-chilled fingers and said, "This was a good idea."
Kurt's smile turned tight, and he felt his posture stiffen. "Thank you."
"No, it is," Blaine said and began to shed his coat and scarf. "I've been thinking a lot about it the past few days. This way it's all out there, the way a real relationship should be. I'm really happy about this."
"Me, too," Kurt told him, because even if it was going to be uncomfortable it was still the right thing to do, for his health, for Blaine's health, and for their relationship as a whole. It was smart. It was respectful of each other.
It was going to make him wish he were and had always been celibate and quite possibly mute as well, but it was the right thing to do.
"Do you want me to go first?" Blaine asked when he was settled. "I don't mind."
Kurt nodded, not quite trusting his voice. They were here. They were going to do this. He was going to hear all about what Blaine had done with people who weren't him, and he was going to have to tell Blaine how little he had done in comparison.
"Okay." Blaine took a sip of his drink and a deep breath and began. He spoke steadily and easily, quite seriously but seemingly without embarrassment. "You know about Sebastian. He was my first. We did a lot, and not all of it was safe, but I thought it was because we were dating. We didn't always use condoms, never for anything oral, and sometimes not for anything else. I thought it was fine then, but I was kind of stupid, given who he was. I just didn't know it. I still don't know if he slept with anyone else when we were together, but after we broke up I had the full battery of tests, and I've been doing that regularly ever since. I might not have talked about STDs the way I should have when I hooked up," he said, his brows furrowing like he was disappointed with himself, "but I was always careful. I always used a condom. Just like I've been with you, I've always been safe since Sebastian. And I was tested again before you and I got together. I'm clean. I'll show you the paperwork, if you want."
"No, that's all right," Kurt said quickly, trying to process it all. "I believe you." It was both clinical and overwhelming, difficult to be presented with such bold facts about Blaine's very active sex life before him. It was a cross between information he never wanted to think about and lot of frank conversation of the type he hadn't been confronted with since he'd got those pamphlets from his dad before he went off to college.
"I'm happy to answer any questions," Blaine said, watching him with an earnest intensity that would have been endearing if it weren't putting Kurt in the spotlight. "I've done a lot more with you than anyone else since Sebastian. Even our first time together, we went further than I have with anyone else I hooked up with. I want you to know that you don't have to worry."
"Okay." Kurt cleared his throat and swallowed carefully. He could do this. Blaine deserved honestly, even if he didn't have as much to say. "You don't have to worry about me, either," he said, trying to match the matter-of-fact tone Blaine had set. "I haven't been as active as you, since I didn't have a boyfriend and hooking up hasn't been easy for me, but I have always been safe. Always. For everything I've done." Even, he thought with a sour twist of triumph, when the other person wasn't happy about it. Not every boy had cared about him or treated him with the same respect Blaine had from the start, but he had always cared about himself. Boys were safe with him, or they didn't get him. "I've been tested regularly, and I've never had any problems. The last time I was tested was last fall."
"Oh," Blaine said with a short nod, like he was processing the facts. "So should we go do that? Just to be sure?"
Kurt shook his head and admitted, "There's no need. The last time I was tested was after you, and there hasn't been anyone else." He didn't let himself drop his eyes to his coffee; he kept them on Blaine instead.
"Oh," Blaine said again, but his expression shifted from businesslike toward pleased, a smile playing on his lips.
"What?" Kurt asked.
"Nothing. So - "
Kurt watched him across the table with some suspicion and just a hint of amusement. "You like that I haven't been with anyone since the first time with you?"
Blaine rubbed the back of his neck and looked away for a moment. His eyes were dark when they met Kurt's again. "I can't help it, Kurt. You were special to me. You've always been special. It was hard for me to want other people after what we had that night, even if it took me a while to figure out why. So I like that I was special to you, because I know you don't just do what we did. I'm sorry if that's weird."
Kurt drew in a short breath; he hadn't quite realized that night - he - had made such an impression on Blaine that it had had an impact on the other boys he'd hooked up with. He liked hearing that. He liked knowing it wasn't just him. "It's not weird," he told Blaine softly. "And you were very special. You are."
Blaine just looked at Kurt's face for a long moment, looked and looked like he was memorizing or considering or trying to believe, and then he extended his hand across the table. A sizzle of electricity went up Kurt's arm when their fingers and palms slid together, and it wasn't just a sexual connection. It was way more. It was an affirmation that there was something real there, something true, something strong and important just between the two of them, and that they both saw it.
Kurt's heart soared with how very precious it felt to have his feelings reflected back at him, and Blaine's hand in his felt strong, like a solid, living link between them. This was good. This was right. This really was something more than the average connection, no matter how it had started, no matter how long it had taken to get from there to here.
He knew it, it wasn't that he was doubting it, because every time he looked in Blaine's eyes he could see how good this growing relationship was making him feel, too, but that they were important to each other was what Kurt had always wanted from a relationship, and here they were.
"Is there anything else you should tell me, then?" Blaine asked after a moment, still smiling a little at him. "We've been safe, we're both healthy, and we can decide what precautions we want to take based on our preferences instead of a blanket decision to be as safe as we can possibly be."
"No," Kurt said, shaking his head. "There's nothing else you need to know for us to make decisions together." He felt a little like he'd dodged a bullet, but there was no need for him to say anything more to Blaine about his lack of experience. It didn't matter, really, what he'd done or what he'd hadn't with other people. What mattered was that they were going to do whatever they did because it was what they both wanted.
"Okay." Blaine squeezed his hand and sat there looking at him, almost glowing with happiness. After what felt like a long time, although Kurt had no real need to break the moment, either, he finally pulled himself up and said like he was grateful, "This really was a good idea, Kurt."
"I think so, too," Kurt said in some wonder.
If this what was a relationship was, where they were able to talk, make mature decisions, and take care of each other as well as getting to hold hands in a coffee shop and have plans to go window shopping and have an early dinner so that they could not even pretend to study in Kurt's room that night, Kurt thought he was even more on board with dating Blaine than he had already thought he was.
~end part two~
Part 3!
Reminder: I am spoiler free! Please do not spoil me for anything upcoming beyond aired episodes of Glee. Thank you!
Title: "Twenty-three Firsts" 2/5 [on the AO3]
Author: flaming muse
Fandom: Glee
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: NC-17 overall
Word count: 8,400 this part, 54,000 overall
Summary: Friends, places, and conversations: twenty-three firsts for Kurt and Blaine. A Near Misses story.
Spoilers: all of Near Misses, which includes elements of canon through 3x22 ("Goodbye")
Notes: set just after Near Misses (and assumes "Facebook Official")
Disclaimers: The characters belong to various corporate Powers That Be. I make absolutely no profit from playing with them.
Distribution: Please ask.
Feedback is lovely!
6. Surprise
Blaine rubbed at his eyes as he walked out of the lecture hall, his shoulders slumped and his writing hand aching. The econ test he had just managed to finish before the end of the period had been brutal, and he had to get halfway across campus to his next class and make his brain pay attention enough to take notes when all he wanted to do was go take a nap and recover.
Unfortunately neither napping nor recovering was an option. He had an intense double lecture of poli sci to get through. He sighed and turned left, toward the outer door he needed to take.
"Blaine?"
Blaine looked up in surprise. That was Kurt's voice, and there was Kurt, standing against the polished stone wall across the corridor, out of the way from the students rushing past.
"I have class," Blaine said in confused apology. "I need to - I can't - "
"I know. I'm not here to make you late." Kurt threaded his way through the students and held out a little white box wrapped in pretty gold and silver ribbons. "I just brought these for you to help you get through your day." He lifted his chin as though he were steeling himself.
Blaine took the box and stared at it dumbly for a moment. He knew exactly what it looked like. "Is this from Chloe's Creations?"
"Butterscotch chocolate chip cookies," Kurt replied with a nod and a tentative smile, like for some crazy reason Blaine might not want to accept them.
"Those are my favorite," Blaine said, looking back up at him in absolute wonder.
Kurt's smile grew. "I know. I thought you could use them after your test."
"I - "
Glancing around at the steady stream of students, Kurt tucked his hand in the lapel of Blaine's coat, leaned in to press a quick kiss to his cheek, and said with the color rising in his face, "You have to go to class."
It was more than the drain of the test and the shock of the surprise that was making Blaine's brain slow to work; Kurt was doing this for him. Kurt had taken time out of his own very busy schedule to walk blocks to Blaine's favorite bakery to get him his favorite cookies and bring them to him and had kissed him with all of these people glancing at them curiously as they passed just because Blaine was going to have a miserable day. Kurt had done this for him. "Thank you," Blaine managed to say.
Kurt patted his chest and took a step back. "You're welcome. Hurry, or you'll be late. I'll see you at dinner." When Blaine didn't move, he added, "Blaine, you're going to be late. You know how your professor gets when people walk in after he starts. First there's mocking, then there's yelling and throwing of whiteboard markers."
"I know, I - " Blaine shook his head and got control of his feet, walking backwards in the direction of the door. "Thank you."
"Thank me at dinner." Kurt stood there watching him with a giddy, almost triumphant smile until Blaine had to turn around and run to his next class.
7. Karaoke Wes
Saturday night, Kurt was standing in the narrow hallway by the coat check at Cliff's, waiting for Blaine and Tina to entrust their coats to the heathens and unknown infestations of the cloak room, his heel already bouncing with the beat coming from the singers on stage and his thoughts on what he was in the mood to sing, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
He spun around to find Wes and Esther standing there.
"Kurt," Wes said, holding his hand out to him to shake.
Kurt's eyebrows raised despite himself at the unexpected gesture, but he moved his coat to his other arm, met Wes's hand, and shook it.
"Congratulations," Wes told him quite seriously.
"Thank you," Kurt replied, trying to keep the confusion out of his voice.
Wes nodded. "See you inside," he said and headed toward the coat check.
As Esther passed by, she leaned up and said in Kurt's ear, "That means he's happy for you two." She gave him a huge smile and followed her boyfriend.
"Okay," Kurt said to himself, mystified by the whole encounter.
8. Karaoke
As much as he might have wanted to, Blaine knew that he wasn't really going to get to spend the night at karaoke holding Kurt's hand and singing romantic songs to him, but he'd kind of assumed he'd get to spend some time with him.
The subway ride over with Tina had been a nice start, with Kurt relaxed enough beside him that he swayed into Blaine's side with the rhythm of the train - and Kurt's cologne or aftershave or whatever it was drifting up from the collar of his jacket was the best head-spinning scent to block out the much less pleasant smells around them - and the conversation about all of the work they had to get done before Spring Break in a couple of weeks was good-natured. It felt like the best of their group of friends - easy, fond, full of humor, ready to have a great night of fun together - only Kurt wasn't just a friend anymore, and he didn't hesitate for a second when Blaine offered him his hand to help him up from his seat at their stop.
It felt really, really good.
The problem started when Rachel had grabbed Blaine's arm the minute he and Kurt had approached the tables where their friends were sitting and had dragged him off into the corner for a brief but utterly terrifying warning about exactly how important it was to her that he took being Kurt's boyfriend seriously, and then just when he'd been ready to promise her anything as long as she stopped looking at him with daggers in her eyes she'd pronounced herself absolutely thrilled for them both and had dragged him up onto the stage to celebrate the news with her.
Why he was celebrating having Kurt as a boyfriend with her instead of getting to be with Kurt Blaine wasn't quite sure, but he didn't think he let it show as he supported her through Celine Dion's "Eyes on Me." Kurt's smile from his seat beside Tina seemed genuine and approving enough, anyway.
Blaine went to the bar after the song to get a soda for himself and after a few moments' indecision a fruit spritzer for Kurt, hoping it would be a welcome treat, but by the time he got back to the table Kurt wasn't there anymore. He was on stage with Esther, Priya, Tina, and some other young woman Blaine didn't know, singing "Say You'll Be There."
Blaine set the drinks down with a sigh and would have been happy to sit and watch him perform, especially since Kurt was singing Posh Spice's parts way better than she ever did and looked just as regal and fashionable in that slate-colored shirt and dark tie, only Mike scooted over next to him.
"Good to see you, Blaine," Mike said.
"Thanks," Blaine replied, reluctantly tearing his eyes away from Kurt. "How are you?"
"Good. Busy, but good. It sounds like you're having a great week, yourself," Mike said with a knowing if friendly smile.
Blaine's laugh came out more nervously than he expected. "If you're going to do your duty as a friend and threaten me about Kurt, you're going to have to work really hard to get scarier than Rachel," he told him. He tried to sound like he was joking.
Mike laughed, too, so Blaine guessed it worked. "Nope, no threats. Just hope that you guys will make each other happy."
"Thanks," Blaine said. He was honestly a little surprised by all of the attention about their change in status - with Sebastian his friends at Dalton had pretty much not reacted one way or another when they started dating other than to be sure invite them both together, but usually all of the Warblers were invited to everything, anyway - but it was kind of encouraging. He guessed a lot of their relationship had played out in public, too, in terms of them being at odds and growing together as friends, so maybe the group had a vested interest in them remaining happy. It certainly would make things easier on everyone if they did. "I hope so, too."
"So far so good?" Mike asked with a kind lift of his eyebrows.
Blaine couldn't stop the smile that swept across his face at the thought of the past week, with how full his heart felt every time Kurt looked at him with warmth in his eyes, every time Kurt touched him with tenderness, every time Kurt said or did something that just automatically included him in a basic but deep way. The growing closeness between them was the very thing he'd been trying to avoid finding with someone for so long, and he had been the biggest idiot in the world not to realize it was exactly what he wanted. Even though it wasn't all smooth sailing, he felt so wanted. "Yes," he said, his smile growing even bigger.
Mike clapped him on the shoulder. "I can see that. That's great," he said, and it sounded like he really meant it.
"It is," Blaine said with gratitude, both for the support and for the fact that he was somehow in this position with Kurt in the first place.
"You know, he - " Mike began, but he was cut off by Tina coming over and flopping down onto his lap.
"Hi!" She gave Mike a kiss on the cheek.
"Blaine!" Esther said from behind him. When he turned to face her, he found her looking very serious. "Tonight's the night."
"What?" he asked.
"Wes just told me that he's staying here for Spring Break instead of going somewhere warm with me," Esther told him.
"I have an internship," Wes leaned across the table to explain.
"And I have a bikini," she shot back, her expression annoyed but her eyes twinkling. "So tonight's the night, Blaine. Wes ruined my romantic week of sun and surf, so we're going to ruin his night." She stood for a moment, taking a dramatic pause with her hands on her hips. "We're doing country music."
"Yes!" Blaine said as Wes sunk his head into his hands.
"So it's your pick. Billy Ray or Shania," Esther said to Blaine.
"I don't care. Whichever you'd rather sing," he replied.
"Oh, no, you'll have to be lead," she said. "I might want to punish him, but I don't want to break his eardrums by singing lead, myself."
"Then maybe not Shania," Kurt said, and Blaine turned in surprise. He hadn't realized Kurt had slipped into the seat beside him, and he was kind of disappointed about that he hadn't noticed immediately. He felt like he should have. "Hearing Blaine sing 'Man! I Feel Like A Woman!' might break his brain instead."
"Oh, I've heard him sing far worse," Wes said, and Kurt's head tilted with curiosity.
Blaine rushed to change the subject. "I got this for you," he said, pushing the fruity drink along the tabletop toward Kurt. "I hope it didn't warm up too much."
"Aww!" Esther said. "That's so sweet!"
Clearly surprised, Kurt looked at the drink, up at Esther, and then over at Blaine. His mouth curved into a small smile as he reached for the martini glass. "Thank you," he said and took a sip. Locked on Blaine's over the rim, his eyes crinkled even more. "It's perfect."
"You're welcome," Blaine said softly, his heart beginning to pound. Kurt's eyes were so gorgeous when they were happy, and he had made them shine that way.
"You - " Kurt began.
"Come on, Blaine," Esther said, tugging at Blaine's arm and breaking the moment that had been growing. "It's our turn."
Blaine got to his feet, still looking at Kurt and feeling uneasily like he might slip away again. "Don't go away."
"I'll be here," Kurt said with a smile. "Go punish us all for Wes's transgression by singing country."
"I - "
Kurt waved him on with the drink in his hand. "You'll be great."
Blaine was great, if he said so himself; he might have been modest about a lot of things, but singing wasn't one of them, and he'd had the crowd eating out of the palm of his hand despite country music being a rarity for the bar. He'd even gotten Esther to take a few lines on her own.
But when Blaine got back to the table after singing "Achy Breaky Heart" Kurt was nowhere to be found. He'd been there throughout the song, talking to the group at the table but his eyes mostly on the stage, but he was suddenly gone, only his coat over his chair and his empty glass indication that he'd been there at all. He wasn't at the bar or flipping through the song binder, either.
"Rachel spilled something on her dress," Tina explained as Blaine looked around, confused. "Kurt's helping her get it out. He's magic with that kind of thing."
"Oh," Blaine said. He had to be disappointed not to return in triumph from the stage to his boyfriend's side, but he'd seen Kurt work wonders with club soda and a steely gleam in his eye that dared a stain to set right in front of him. He understood why Rachel would have wanted his help.
"He'll be back," she assured him, patting his arm. "Don't worry."
"I'm not," Blaine replied and managed a smile. He shouldn't be so disappointed about him being gone for a few minutes, but they hadn't had much time together yet, and he really wanted to perform with him. He'd been thinking about it all week, about how Kurt had sung with him on that train platform and about how even if Kurt hadn't liked his idea for a duet in the Review he had said that he liked singing with Blaine. He'd been thinking about their duet a month ago on that karaoke stage, "Private Idaho," how much fun it had been to play off of each other within the music, and how much better it was going to be tonight when Blaine knew his heart well enough to sing it out into Kurt's eyes.
He really didn't want to have to wait any more to get to do that.
But he had to, so he reached for his soda and asked Tina, "Have you picked a topic for your research project yet?"
Tina flopped back dramatically in her chair and groaned like she was dying.
"I guess that's a no?" Blaine said.
"If I run away and join the circus, will you come visit me?" she asked. "I'll get you half-priced peanuts."
"Absolutely," he promised.
After Blaine nodded and offered sympathy to Tina for a few minutes, Rachel strode through the doorway and made a bee-line for them. Kurt trailed behind her, his eyebrows quirked in a way that made it seem like he was partly annoyed and partly amused.
"If people are going to be so disrespectful as to eat animal products near me," she announced to the table and sat primly in her chair, "I would really appreciate it if you would be careful not to drip pig fat on my clothes." She looked pointedly at Ethan.
Kurt rolled his eyes as he skirted the table toward Blaine. "And for those of us who live in reality, it means please watch what you're eating when she's giving an impassioned speech about Sondheim and keep it well away from her flailing arms." He bypassed a few empty seats and sat on the chair next to Blaine.
Blaine's heart fluttered, actually fluttered like a butterfly in his chest, because Kurt might have chosen to sit by him sometimes before they were dating, but now maybe it really was a given that he would. Sebastian had made it clear he hadn't wanted to be stuck to his side, but Kurt seemed to like to be there. He hadn't considered his options; he'd just sat there.
"Hi," Blaine said, turning in his seat and smiling at him.
"Hi." Kurt tilted his head and smiled, too. "Having fun?"
"Yes, especially now that you're back. I should have known I'd have to fight for your attention not just from other people but from clothes, too."
Kurt smiled even more and said, "You don't have to fight for it at all." He was so close, so handsome, so perfectly dressed, his eyes focused only on Blaine, his beautiful, beautiful eyes that were so deep and full of happiness directed at him, and his mouth curved and soft and -
"Sorry to interrupt," Wes said from behind them, and Blaine pulled away, reaching for his drink to cover the way he'd been staring at and swaying toward Kurt. Wes put a hand on his shoulder. "In the spirit of retribution, I need to borrow Blaine."
"Oh?" Kurt asked, looking up at him. He didn't seem the least bit flustered, and Blaine wondered if he'd imagined the moment he thought they'd been about to have.
Wes gave him a grave nod. "Esther made me listen to country music; I'm going to make her listen to Hair."
"No!" Esther wailed from across the table. "No, Wes, come on. I had a reason to torture you! This is unfair. This is mean. This is - "
"Payback," Wes told her. "Come on, Blaine. We're up."
"But I - " Blaine stopped himself from gesturing at Kurt. Wanting to spend time with his boyfriend probably wasn't an acceptable excuse for not helping Wes, even if it seemed like a good one to him.
"This is a Warbler emergency, Blaine," Wes said, his eyes narrowing at Esther. "I am requesting your help."
"Well, if it's a Warbler emergency," Kurt said dryly.
"We take our brotherhood very seriously," Wes told him.
Blaine knew he had to go. It was Wes, and he'd invoked the Warblers. This was important. Still, if he let Kurt out of his sight again and Kurt got pulled off somewhere, he wasn't sure he'd be able to hide his feelings about it. "Will you sing with me when I get back?" he asked in a rush. "Please?"
Kurt blinked at him for a moment, obviously taken aback by the tumble of words, and then he smiled again. "I might even let you pick the song," he told Blaine.
"Thank you," Blaine said with feeling, reaching out to touch Kurt's arm. Then he bounced to his feet.
"I said might," Kurt called after him.
"Okay!" Blaine said over his shoulder and followed after Wes to the stage.
"Hmm," Wes said, flipping through the binder to the musicals section and looking through their options. "Should we do the title song? Or maybe 'Ain't Got No.' I wonder what would upset her the most."
"You really want to upset her?" Blaine asked, glancing over his shoulder at the table where Esther was gesticulating wildly at their friends. She looked unhappy but not devastated, like maybe she was enjoying playing her part in the teasing game.
Wes looked over toward her, too, a tiny smile touching his lips. "Yes, but only a little. Oh, 'Good Morning, Starshine'; she loathes that one. She can go on about it for hours. Although since we can't change the key, that would be a stretch for us. Should we ask Rachel to join us?"
"Let's pick something we want to sing." Blaine watched Kurt cover a laugh with his hand and wished he were there beside him to enjoy the sound. He turned away toward the binder; the sooner they were finished, the sooner he could be back at the table. "Here. 'Manchester England'. Let's do that one."
"Good range, two male parts… all right." Wes put the selection in the machine and handed Blaine one of the microphones. "For the honor of Warblers," he said seriously.
Blaine saluted him with his microphone.
The song was well-suited to them, and he and Wes knew just how to blend their voices together, but Blaine had trouble relaxing into it because at first Kurt was smiling at him almost proudly in the most distracting way from across the room, making Blaine's heart do that fluttery thing again, and then because Kurt wasn't smiling at all because Rachel was holding onto his arm and talking into his ear and gesturing up at the stage. At Blaine. She was smiling and nudging him, but Kurt wasn't looking happy at all. It almost made Blaine lose his place in the song.
Finally Kurt snapped something at her, and she pulled away. Kurt turned his attention back to Blaine during the closing notes, but that smile of his was gone.
So was that lovely lightness in Blaine's chest.
When Blaine clattered down the stairs, he found Kurt walking toward the bar. Kurt met his eyes, so he clearly wasn't avoiding him, and Blaine changed direction to meet him over at the sign-up list, where Kurt was writing his name at the bottom of the sheet.
"It looks like we have a little while to wait," Kurt said, setting down the pen.
"Is everything okay?" Blaine asked, because that warm, flirty light in Kurt's eyes was definitely dimmed.
Kurt nodded and smoothed the cuff of his shirt. "Fine," he said a little distantly.
Blaine tried again. "Did Rachel want something?"
"When doesn't she?" Kurt turned, putting his back against the bar and looking up at the stage where two young women were absolutely mangling The Beatles.
"Kurt - "
"Let's look at our song options," Kurt said, but Blaine caught at his sleeve. Kurt met his eyes, and it was like looking at Kurt from months ago, closed off, self-contained, and far away.
"What's going on?" Blaine asked him, feeling helpless in the face of this all too familiar person who was so suddenly out of reach. This wasn't how the night was supposed to go at all.
Kurt stood very still for a long moment as the women screeched their way through 'Norwegian Wood', and then some of the tension melted from his frame. It wasn't much, but his posture loosened and his mouth softened. There was his Kurt again, at least a hint of him. "Let's just say that Rachel is very pleased for us, and she likes to go on about it at length and in great detail."
Blaine laughed a little, more relieved than amused. "Your friends seem to have a lot of opinions about us."
"Our friends," Kurt corrected, and he tipped his head in question. "Right?"
"Of course they are," Blaine said. "But most of them were yours first."
"I will happily give you Rachel," Kurt said dryly. "Although that's hardly fair to you. You should have heard what she was suggesting about what we should be - " He shook his head. "Never mind. I promised you a song."
Blaine felt his smile spread across his face before he even registered Kurt's words. They were going to sing together finally. This was going to be amazing. Kurt was going to sing with him, to him, and Blaine was going to sing back, and it was going to be perfect and everything his heart wanted.
"You did," he said. He gestured toward the binder and let Kurt go ahead of him. "I had a few thoughts. A lot, actually. There are so many good choices. 'Every Little Thing She Does is Magic', 'Head Over Heels', 'Crazy for You' - "
"Oh, let's not make a spectacle of ourselves, Blaine," Kurt said with a distant sigh, not looking over at him as Blaine's heart stopped, went into free-fall, and crashed onto the floor.
Blaine had no idea what to say, but it didn't matter, because Kurt wasn't even looking at him.
"No love songs," Kurt muttered to himself as he skipped that thick section of the binder.
Blaine felt like the room was swaying beneath his feet, and he put a hand out onto a nearby speaker to ground himself in what he hoped looked like a casual gesture.
He'd thought - Kurt had said he wanted to sing - Hadn't he been smiling and - ?
But, no, it made sense, he told himself. It did. Blaine was getting ahead of himself. Kurt didn't want to sing with him in the Review, and he didn't want to sing a love song here, and Sebastian had always told Blaine he was too pushy, too needy, too quick to express his feelings in song. Sebastian had always hated the spectacle of it, too.
Maybe Kurt liked Blaine's affection in private - he found himself wondering in horror if Kurt only tolerated it, no, he knew better than that, didn't he? - but in public, Blaine had to be a little more reserved. Of course he did. He was getting swept up in Kurt and in everything he wanted to do with Kurt, and that wasn't right. It wasn't about him, it was about them, and if Blaine took a second he could see every negative signal Kurt was sending as subtly as he could, probably out of deference to Blaine's feelings.
Blaine had to pull back. He had to. Kurt didn't want a spectacle. Kurt didn't want Blaine to make a spectacle. Kurt didn't want to sing a song about love with him, and that had to be okay. He would take what Kurt wanted to give him and not ask for more, not push for it. It was him assuming he could have more that was the problem, it was always the problem, and he -
"I was thinking this one," Kurt said with a smile, gesturing to a song on one of the pages.
Blaine felt stiff and cold, but he took an automatic step forward beside him and looked where Kurt was pointing. He blinked, not quite sure what he was seeing. The page was marked as the Labyrinth soundtrack. "I love that movie," he said slowly.
"I know," Kurt said, nudging his shoulder against his. "That's why I picked it." Surprised, Blaine jerked at the contact, and Kurt looked over at him curiously. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Blaine said, swallowing. "I just - I'm - "
Kurt turned toward him, watching his face with concern. "Do you not want to sing? You said you did, but I know you've been up there a lot."
"No, I - " Blaine cleared his throat and wished the world would stop reeling around him. "I want to sing with you."
"Do you want to sing something else?" Kurt asked.
"I love this song," Blaine said helplessly, because he did, and Kurt knew it and had picked it for them. He wasn't quite sure what was going on, but maybe it wasn't quite as bad as he had thought.
Kurt gave him a tentative smile. "So…?"
Blaine nodded. "Yes."
"Good," Kurt said, his eyes crinkling up with joy, and he put their selection into the computer as Blaine pulled himself back from the edge of misery he'd been skirting and followed Kurt instead.
Singing was Kurt was absolutely incredible, even better than Blaine had remembered and certainly better than he had expected from their conversation beforehand, because from the first note Kurt was right there with him, his Kurt, seemingly holding nothing back as Blaine danced around the stage and did his best David Bowie impression through "Magic Dance." Kurt's eyes were sparkling with laughter, but he didn't falter at all, just skipped out of the way as Blaine circled him and teased him back through his own parts.
If it wasn't a love song, if Kurt was looking at him fondly instead of adoringly, if Blaine was playing to the audience instead of pouring out his heart, well, it was still wonderful to watch Kurt in his element and to get to show off a little for him. He could see the admiration in Kurt's eyes when he chose an interesting harmony or hit a particularly strong note, and Kurt rose to the occasion, too, lifting his voice higher and higher through his range as the song went on.
It was a challenge, and Blaine was happy to accept it, singing harder and better, not to upstage Kurt but for them to do their best as partners.
Blaine's heart lifted with the music, the give and take between them, this song he had loved since he was a child, and the fire in Kurt's eyes, and by the time the song was over he could almost be okay with Kurt not wanting to sing something sweet with him, because at least they were singing together.
Together was good. Together was great. Blaine loved together.
They were both grinning as they took their bows, and Blaine grabbed at Kurt's hand when they were down the stairs.
"I love that song, and I'm happy I got to sing it with you," he said. "Thank you."
"Thank you," Kurt said breathlessly, his entire face lit up, and he let Blaine lead him back to the table hand-in-hand.
They were greeted with a smattering of applause by their friends when they returned, and Kurt laughed and curtseyed to them while Blaine just smiled at him, his heart feeling warm and big in his chest.
"You were wonderful," Rachel said, patting the chair beside her. "I've always thought your voices worked well together, and of course now that you've taken this new step in your relationship you clearly have an additional layer of emotion that if you expressed it would make your performances positively swoon-worthy and - "
"Thank you, Rachel," Kurt said shortly, pulling his hand away from Blaine's with a jerk and taking a seat a few chairs away from her while Blaine stood there, numb with surprise as Kurt was just gone again.
Rachel leaned toward Kurt. "You may not be able to see how much it enhances your singing for the two of you to be so wrapped up in each other that the audience can't help but melt at -"
Kurt interrupted her. "Not all of us need to pick our duet partners based on our personal feelings, you know, as much as that was a staple of your high school experience. Some of us can perform without that crutch."
"Crutch? Just because my voice blended particularly well with Finn's doesn't mean I haven't - " Rachel began, and Blaine wondered how the good mood they'd just been enjoying could disappear so quickly.
"I'm going up to the bar," Mike said, getting up in a rush. "Come with me, Blaine?"
Blaine looked between Rachel and Kurt, talking in not particularly low voices across the table, and nodded. It was an abrupt return to reality. It was an abrupt reminder of what it was, of what his place in it was. "Sure."
"I thought you could use a rescue," Mike told him as they made their way across the room. "When they start going at it, it's usually a good idea to get out of the way. They don't pull punches with each other."
Blaine watched Kurt's eyes narrow with annoyance. "Have they always been this way?"
Mike clapped him on the back. "It used to be worse. But don't worry; they'll be back to singing Streisand together in a half hour."
And they were, the two of them positively glowing up on stage as they sang "The Way We Were" with more sentiment than Blaine really wanted to see. He knew it wasn't the same thing at all, but it was hard for him to sit back in wonderment at their unquestionable talent when Kurt clearly had no trouble emoting at her through their performance. It was just Blaine he didn't want to sing with about love. Even with Rachel with her big facial expressions and sad eyes, it was Blaine who was a spectacle.
It was hard for that not to rankle.
And then when Kurt got back to the table, he didn't argue when Rachel led him to the opposite side from Blaine, where there were two chairs free together, and kept him wrapped up in conversation for another half hour, their heads bent close. Even though Kurt looked over at Blaine regularly and shrugged as if in apology, it just didn't feel good.
Blaine didn't want to play games. He didn't want to be guessing whether Kurt was going to run hot or cold. He just wanted to be with him, to express his feelings, and it hurt that Kurt wasn't on the same page.
It was okay. He didn't have any right to assume Kurt would be. But it still hurt. It still clawed in his chest, waking memories from Sebastian he wanted to put well behind him. He knew it wasn't the same, but it still didn't feel good at all when he spent the rest of the night talking with Wes and Mike and Kurt was nowhere near him.
So when they'd all gathered their coats and were out on the chilly New York street, he couldn't feel happy when Kurt came over and hooked his hand in the crook of Blaine's elbow. "Are you sure you want to do that?" he asked instead as they fell in at the back of the group heading for the subway.
"Oh, I'm sure that there aren't actually lice in the cloakroom," Kurt said, his step a happy bounce beside Blaine and his breath coming out in a puff of white in the winter air, "even if I can't make myself take that chance with my own coat."
"That's not what I meant."
Kurt looked over at him. "You're upset? I'm sorry about Rachel. Apparently she has a new gentleman caller who she thinks has been using her for her vocal range instead of - "
"This isn't about Rachel, Kurt," Blaine said, though he was relieved to hear there was a reason Rachel had monopolized him the way she had at the end of the night.
"Then what is it about?" Kurt asked more quietly. His hand was stiff on Blaine's arm, but he didn't remove it.
Blaine breathed, in and out, in and out, and told himself that he was being stupid. He was being jealous. He was being possessive. He had no right to be upset that -
"Is this about the song?" Kurt asked.
"I liked the song," Blaine told him, watching Mike's light feet on the pavement some yards ahead of them.
"But you wanted to sing something else. Something more… emotional."
His heart raw, Blaine made himself nod.
"Blaine." When Blaine didn't respond, Kurt gave a tug at his arm. Blaine met his eyes. "You've heard them. What they say. What they assume. What they think about us, what they picture in their dirty little minds. I don't want our relationship to be a spectacle for their entertainment. I want it to be about us."
"If we're not doing it for them, if we're doing it because we want to, then it is about us," Blaine insisted. "They know we're dating. They know we have feelings for each other."
"I know," Kurt said with such aching softness, not looking away from Blaine's face. "But my heart is yours, not theirs."
It was hard for Blaine to breathe around the power of those unexpected words, and his own trembling heart was in his throat, already in Kurt's hands. "Kurt - "
Kurt turned away, looking ahead of them, his mouth going flat. "I know it's silly of me. There was a time I would have sung my feelings from the top of my lungs. I did, in fact, for years, for no good reason but that a boy didn't immediately shove me into a locker every time he saw me or smiled back when I smiled at him in class. But this is different, you are different, this is real and not cheap or sordid, and I don't want to put on a show. I want this to be ours."
"This is ours," Blaine told him.
"I know." Kurt was silent for a moment. "But it's important to me, and I don't want to share it."
Blaine let himself take that in, think about it, and breathe through it. He wanted to get it right and be sure, not just react. He needed to listen to what Kurt was saying, not just the push-pull of desire and rejection he was feeling from him. He needed to hear what Kurt really meant, that this was too important to him to put on display, not that it wasn't important enough.
"Okay," he said finally. There was no answer Blaine could give him besides that one, because if Kurt didn't want his heart exposed to everyone's view, then it was Blaine's job to protect it, no matter that his own heart wanted to be singing out everything as loudly as it could.
"I'm sorry," Kurt told him, meeting his eyes again. He looked a little hesitant, concerned.
"Don't be," Blaine assured him and put his hand over Kurt's on his arm.
Kurt took a slow breath and sighed at himself. "I'm sure I'll get over it."
"You don't have to," Blaine said, even if he would have to do the same about his own wishes, and Kurt smiled at him and leaned in closer against his side as they walked.
9. Serious Talk About Sex
It had seemed like a good idea to Kurt at the time.
After all, they were two smart, conscientious young gay men, and they were in an exclusive relationship. They needed to sit down and talk about their sexual histories, practices, and health. They both knew it. It was an important step to take.
And they meant to, they really did, only one thing kept leading to another when they were alone - because they were also healthy, attractive, attracted young gay men - and they kept finding themselves at least partly undressed and in the middle of enjoying themselves without having had a proper talk.
So it made sense for them to come up with a dedicated time where they could sit and talk and make some good decisions not in the heat of the moment about what they needed to share and exactly how safe they needed to be with each other. They weren't going to be foolish or reckless, but if they could trust each other and had clean bills of health, they could talk about dispensing with condoms for at least some of the things they could do.
Kurt wanted that, and he knew Blaine did, too. He knew they both took their safety more seriously than most of their peers, who never used condoms for blow jobs to start with, but as important as being careful was, there was something wonderful about thinking that they didn't have to have the absolute safest sex possible with each other.
The only problem with the idea of sitting down to talk about sex was that Kurt found himself sitting in a quiet corner of a coffee shop, waiting to talk about his sexual history with his very hot, very sweet, and very much more experienced boyfriend.
He wondered as he sat and looked blankly out of the window with the buzz of the café like white noise in his ears if he could put his coat back on for an extra layer of protection. His chest was pounding, his hands were cold, and his throat was dry. This was going to be so mortifying.
He was starting to get to know Blaine's body, what Blaine liked, how best to touch him. He'd never had that kind of luxury to know another person that way, and that it was Blaine was such a gift, because Blaine was as generous with his reactions as he was with his own explorations. He was getting to learn about Blaine's favorite spots - the corner of his mouth, the warm spot beneath his ear, the flat muscles of his abdomen, the tendon in his inner thigh - and what Kurt could do with them to make him whimper, gasp, or laugh with desire. He was learning not a man's body but Blaine's body, and it was amazing.
Kurt was just starting to feel like he was getting the hang of sex with Blaine - not that it was getting dull or expected, but he didn't feel like he was going in entirely blind and trusting on instinct and encounters with past lovers to guide him - and now he was going to have to admit that he hardly knew anything at all.
It was going to change how Blaine saw him, and he couldn't be excited about Blaine judging his every touch in terms of his relative inexperience. But he still had to tell him.
He sighed and smoothed his high-necked sweater. This mature daylight talk had seemed like such a good idea at the time.
Kurt's cup of coffee cooled between his hands, undrunk, and finally Blaine came into the shop, his face lighting up the second he spotted Kurt. He came directly over.
"Hi," Blaine said warmly. His cheeks were flushed from the cold, and his eyes were sparkling like he was drinking in the sight of him.
"Hi," Kurt said, smiling back, because there was no way he could resist Blaine's happy face even if he was about to lose some of Blaine's respect. "I got you a coffee." He nodded at the second cup on the table.
"Thanks." Blaine sat, and instead of reaching for the cup he reached for Kurt's hands. He held them tight in his own winter-chilled fingers and said, "This was a good idea."
Kurt's smile turned tight, and he felt his posture stiffen. "Thank you."
"No, it is," Blaine said and began to shed his coat and scarf. "I've been thinking a lot about it the past few days. This way it's all out there, the way a real relationship should be. I'm really happy about this."
"Me, too," Kurt told him, because even if it was going to be uncomfortable it was still the right thing to do, for his health, for Blaine's health, and for their relationship as a whole. It was smart. It was respectful of each other.
It was going to make him wish he were and had always been celibate and quite possibly mute as well, but it was the right thing to do.
"Do you want me to go first?" Blaine asked when he was settled. "I don't mind."
Kurt nodded, not quite trusting his voice. They were here. They were going to do this. He was going to hear all about what Blaine had done with people who weren't him, and he was going to have to tell Blaine how little he had done in comparison.
"Okay." Blaine took a sip of his drink and a deep breath and began. He spoke steadily and easily, quite seriously but seemingly without embarrassment. "You know about Sebastian. He was my first. We did a lot, and not all of it was safe, but I thought it was because we were dating. We didn't always use condoms, never for anything oral, and sometimes not for anything else. I thought it was fine then, but I was kind of stupid, given who he was. I just didn't know it. I still don't know if he slept with anyone else when we were together, but after we broke up I had the full battery of tests, and I've been doing that regularly ever since. I might not have talked about STDs the way I should have when I hooked up," he said, his brows furrowing like he was disappointed with himself, "but I was always careful. I always used a condom. Just like I've been with you, I've always been safe since Sebastian. And I was tested again before you and I got together. I'm clean. I'll show you the paperwork, if you want."
"No, that's all right," Kurt said quickly, trying to process it all. "I believe you." It was both clinical and overwhelming, difficult to be presented with such bold facts about Blaine's very active sex life before him. It was a cross between information he never wanted to think about and lot of frank conversation of the type he hadn't been confronted with since he'd got those pamphlets from his dad before he went off to college.
"I'm happy to answer any questions," Blaine said, watching him with an earnest intensity that would have been endearing if it weren't putting Kurt in the spotlight. "I've done a lot more with you than anyone else since Sebastian. Even our first time together, we went further than I have with anyone else I hooked up with. I want you to know that you don't have to worry."
"Okay." Kurt cleared his throat and swallowed carefully. He could do this. Blaine deserved honestly, even if he didn't have as much to say. "You don't have to worry about me, either," he said, trying to match the matter-of-fact tone Blaine had set. "I haven't been as active as you, since I didn't have a boyfriend and hooking up hasn't been easy for me, but I have always been safe. Always. For everything I've done." Even, he thought with a sour twist of triumph, when the other person wasn't happy about it. Not every boy had cared about him or treated him with the same respect Blaine had from the start, but he had always cared about himself. Boys were safe with him, or they didn't get him. "I've been tested regularly, and I've never had any problems. The last time I was tested was last fall."
"Oh," Blaine said with a short nod, like he was processing the facts. "So should we go do that? Just to be sure?"
Kurt shook his head and admitted, "There's no need. The last time I was tested was after you, and there hasn't been anyone else." He didn't let himself drop his eyes to his coffee; he kept them on Blaine instead.
"Oh," Blaine said again, but his expression shifted from businesslike toward pleased, a smile playing on his lips.
"What?" Kurt asked.
"Nothing. So - "
Kurt watched him across the table with some suspicion and just a hint of amusement. "You like that I haven't been with anyone since the first time with you?"
Blaine rubbed the back of his neck and looked away for a moment. His eyes were dark when they met Kurt's again. "I can't help it, Kurt. You were special to me. You've always been special. It was hard for me to want other people after what we had that night, even if it took me a while to figure out why. So I like that I was special to you, because I know you don't just do what we did. I'm sorry if that's weird."
Kurt drew in a short breath; he hadn't quite realized that night - he - had made such an impression on Blaine that it had had an impact on the other boys he'd hooked up with. He liked hearing that. He liked knowing it wasn't just him. "It's not weird," he told Blaine softly. "And you were very special. You are."
Blaine just looked at Kurt's face for a long moment, looked and looked like he was memorizing or considering or trying to believe, and then he extended his hand across the table. A sizzle of electricity went up Kurt's arm when their fingers and palms slid together, and it wasn't just a sexual connection. It was way more. It was an affirmation that there was something real there, something true, something strong and important just between the two of them, and that they both saw it.
Kurt's heart soared with how very precious it felt to have his feelings reflected back at him, and Blaine's hand in his felt strong, like a solid, living link between them. This was good. This was right. This really was something more than the average connection, no matter how it had started, no matter how long it had taken to get from there to here.
He knew it, it wasn't that he was doubting it, because every time he looked in Blaine's eyes he could see how good this growing relationship was making him feel, too, but that they were important to each other was what Kurt had always wanted from a relationship, and here they were.
"Is there anything else you should tell me, then?" Blaine asked after a moment, still smiling a little at him. "We've been safe, we're both healthy, and we can decide what precautions we want to take based on our preferences instead of a blanket decision to be as safe as we can possibly be."
"No," Kurt said, shaking his head. "There's nothing else you need to know for us to make decisions together." He felt a little like he'd dodged a bullet, but there was no need for him to say anything more to Blaine about his lack of experience. It didn't matter, really, what he'd done or what he'd hadn't with other people. What mattered was that they were going to do whatever they did because it was what they both wanted.
"Okay." Blaine squeezed his hand and sat there looking at him, almost glowing with happiness. After what felt like a long time, although Kurt had no real need to break the moment, either, he finally pulled himself up and said like he was grateful, "This really was a good idea, Kurt."
"I think so, too," Kurt said in some wonder.
If this what was a relationship was, where they were able to talk, make mature decisions, and take care of each other as well as getting to hold hands in a coffee shop and have plans to go window shopping and have an early dinner so that they could not even pretend to study in Kurt's room that night, Kurt thought he was even more on board with dating Blaine than he had already thought he was.
~end part two~
Part 3!
Reminder: I am spoiler free! Please do not spoil me for anything upcoming beyond aired episodes of Glee. Thank you!