Fic: Glee: Instincts (Kurt/Blaine and Finn, PG)
A little missing scene from Glee 4x05 ("The Role You Were Born to Play"). I'm not sure why I feel the need to write a little extra something (or occasionally a big extra something) every week, but I appreciate you guys humoring me.
And now I go back to my NM fic (23,000 words and counting).
This fic is Kurt-focused (Kurt and Finn) and set firmly within canon, so glean from that what warnings you might need.
Title: "Instincts" [on the AO3]
Author: flaming muse
Fandom: Glee
Pairings: Kurt(/Blaine) and Finn
Rating: PG
Word count: 1100
Summary: Finn needs some advice, and who better to ask than Kurt?
Spoilers: a missing scene from 4x05 (“The Role You Were Born to Play”), no spoilers beyond
Disclaimers: The characters belong to various corporate Powers That Be. I make absolutely no profit from playing with them.
Distribution: Please ask.
Feedback is lovely!
"I can't tell you who to cast in the musical, Finn," Kurt says toward the screen of his laptop sitting on the kitchen table as he slices red peppers for a stir-fry for his dinner. "I don't even know who auditioned."
"No, I know," Finn replies over Skype. "It's just… Mr. Schue said I need to be more decisive, trust my instincts more, and you're, like, the most decisive person I know, so I thought maybe you could give me a few pointers."
"Finn," Kurt says with a laugh, "that really isn't how that works. I can't give you tips about how to make up your mind. You just do it."
Finn sighs and slumps down in his desk chair. "I know, but… I don't know. I guess you're right."
Kurt watches his knife slice whip-quick through the pepper. Finn has lost so much confidence from the early days of glee club when he walked through the McKinley halls like he owned them. But then that swagger was a cover for a deep well of insecurity, Kurt has come to realize, and for an even deeper and kinder heart. If he's glad Finn has grown and become more mature, it makes him sad that Finn has been so battered this year that he's not trusting himself when it comes to the few things he actually knows about, like music.
"I'm sure you'll make a good decision," Kurt says. "Just pick the Sandy who has the most chemistry with Blaine." His voice doesn't wobble. His knife doesn't stray from its path. He can say Blaine's name and not feel like his heart is going to break all over again. This is good. This is progress.
"Oh, um. Blaine isn't going to be Danny."
Kurt sets down his knife on the cutting board and looks fully over at his screen. That can't be possible. Blaine might have some serious and until recently hidden character flaws, but he is an exceptional performer. "Finn, you saw him as Tony. He was incredible." Kurt does not think of how proud he felt to have Blaine as his boyfriend then, does not think of what happened that first time together in Blaine's room after the performance, does not think of Blaine's head being so easily turned by Sebastian's attention, does not think of how Blaine pushed him to have sex because clearly that was what he really valued. "If this is because he's gay or because of me or - "
"No," Finn says quickly. "Well, it is because of you, but it's not because of you because of me. Blaine says he can't play a role about love when he's, um, you know, ruined everything with you. He - he kind of broke down about it at the end of his audition and ran off. I think he was crying."
Kurt takes a slow breath and keeps himself from reacting. He doesn't need to react to that. It doesn't need to touch him.
"I didn't go talk to him," Finn continues, "because you're my brother, so it seemed kind of wrong. But he doesn't want the part."
"I see." Kurt turns back to his slicing, this time moving more slowly out of care for his numb fingers.
He doesn't know how to feel about that piece of information, because he has to be viciously glad to hear that he isn't the only one whose heart is still shredded by what happened - though he is as ready as ever to perform any part that might be given to him - but he knows Blaine. He knows if Blaine is cracking in public it means he's devastated to his core. He knows that Blaine has trouble sharing his feelings and letting people help him, and his emotions come out in complicated and unexpected ways.
He also knows that Blaine is largely alone at McKinley, and he doesn't have anyone to listen to him, understand him, and support him through the pain of their breakup if he doesn't have Kurt. Kurt has Rachel and his family, and Blaine has no one, nothing, not even the high road of being the one wronged that Kurt can cling to in his darkest hours. Blaine is just alone.
That awful shard of knowledge bites like a barb in his chest, because Kurt has loved Blaine for years, and he can't just stop caring about him, as much as he wants to. Blaine is hurting, really, deeply hurting, and even though Kurt hates that it does, it makes part of his own heart hurt, too.
But Blaine is not Kurt's problem anymore. Blaine chose not to be Kurt's problem. Blaine made it not be Kurt's job to take care of him, no matter how much he still instinctively wants to.
There's nothing Kurt can or should do but square his shoulders, finish the pepper, and pick up the next one.
"I'm sorry. Should I not tell you stuff like that?" Finn asks quietly.
"We broke up, Finn," Kurt says. It's still surprisingly hard to shape those words with his mouth. For so long, he didn’t think he'd ever say them. "I don't think he vanished altogether. It's all right."
"Okay. He was so good, but he got really upset when he sang 'Hopelessly Devoted' - " Kurt pauses in his slicing for a moment as Finn keeps speaking; he closes his eyes and pushes away the certain knowledge that that song was for him, about him. It doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything. " - and I… I don't know. I don't know what to do now, I guess. He was the obvious choice for Danny." Finn trails off, sounding lost.
Blaine may not be Kurt's problem any more, but Finn is Kurt's brother. He can try to give him at least a little help to help him find his way. And Finn's right that Kurt is very good at being decisive.
So Kurt turns back to the screen, offers an encouraging smile, and says, "I'm sure you'll make the best decisions you can, Finn. Just follow your heart."
"I want to get this right," Finn replies. "A lot of people are counting on me."
"You will," Kurt says gently. "And they should count on you. You're a very good person to count on."
Finn smiles at that, his face lighting up in that wonderful, goofy way it does.
Kurt suddenly finds himself missing him fiercely, missing sitting across from him at the dinner table, missing fighting over whose turn it is to wash the dishes, missing double dates and movie nights and performances and so many things that would make him feel bittersweet even if they weren't entwined with memories of Blaine, because Kurt's out on his own now. That’s all behind him. He can't ever go back to the way things were.
"Thanks, little brother," Finn says. "You're a good person to count on, too."
Kurt smiles in return. "Thank you for noticing," he says loftily, and Finn's easy laughter eases some of his melancholy.
His heart might be hurting, but he still has so much. He isn't alone at all.
A part of him he can’t shut off just can't help but wish that Blaine weren't alone, too.
~end~
REMINDER: I live my fandom life unspoiled, so please do no spoil me for anything coming ahead!
And now I go back to my NM fic (23,000 words and counting).
This fic is Kurt-focused (Kurt and Finn) and set firmly within canon, so glean from that what warnings you might need.
Title: "Instincts" [on the AO3]
Author: flaming muse
Fandom: Glee
Pairings: Kurt(/Blaine) and Finn
Rating: PG
Word count: 1100
Summary: Finn needs some advice, and who better to ask than Kurt?
Spoilers: a missing scene from 4x05 (“The Role You Were Born to Play”), no spoilers beyond
Disclaimers: The characters belong to various corporate Powers That Be. I make absolutely no profit from playing with them.
Distribution: Please ask.
Feedback is lovely!
"I can't tell you who to cast in the musical, Finn," Kurt says toward the screen of his laptop sitting on the kitchen table as he slices red peppers for a stir-fry for his dinner. "I don't even know who auditioned."
"No, I know," Finn replies over Skype. "It's just… Mr. Schue said I need to be more decisive, trust my instincts more, and you're, like, the most decisive person I know, so I thought maybe you could give me a few pointers."
"Finn," Kurt says with a laugh, "that really isn't how that works. I can't give you tips about how to make up your mind. You just do it."
Finn sighs and slumps down in his desk chair. "I know, but… I don't know. I guess you're right."
Kurt watches his knife slice whip-quick through the pepper. Finn has lost so much confidence from the early days of glee club when he walked through the McKinley halls like he owned them. But then that swagger was a cover for a deep well of insecurity, Kurt has come to realize, and for an even deeper and kinder heart. If he's glad Finn has grown and become more mature, it makes him sad that Finn has been so battered this year that he's not trusting himself when it comes to the few things he actually knows about, like music.
"I'm sure you'll make a good decision," Kurt says. "Just pick the Sandy who has the most chemistry with Blaine." His voice doesn't wobble. His knife doesn't stray from its path. He can say Blaine's name and not feel like his heart is going to break all over again. This is good. This is progress.
"Oh, um. Blaine isn't going to be Danny."
Kurt sets down his knife on the cutting board and looks fully over at his screen. That can't be possible. Blaine might have some serious and until recently hidden character flaws, but he is an exceptional performer. "Finn, you saw him as Tony. He was incredible." Kurt does not think of how proud he felt to have Blaine as his boyfriend then, does not think of what happened that first time together in Blaine's room after the performance, does not think of Blaine's head being so easily turned by Sebastian's attention, does not think of how Blaine pushed him to have sex because clearly that was what he really valued. "If this is because he's gay or because of me or - "
"No," Finn says quickly. "Well, it is because of you, but it's not because of you because of me. Blaine says he can't play a role about love when he's, um, you know, ruined everything with you. He - he kind of broke down about it at the end of his audition and ran off. I think he was crying."
Kurt takes a slow breath and keeps himself from reacting. He doesn't need to react to that. It doesn't need to touch him.
"I didn't go talk to him," Finn continues, "because you're my brother, so it seemed kind of wrong. But he doesn't want the part."
"I see." Kurt turns back to his slicing, this time moving more slowly out of care for his numb fingers.
He doesn't know how to feel about that piece of information, because he has to be viciously glad to hear that he isn't the only one whose heart is still shredded by what happened - though he is as ready as ever to perform any part that might be given to him - but he knows Blaine. He knows if Blaine is cracking in public it means he's devastated to his core. He knows that Blaine has trouble sharing his feelings and letting people help him, and his emotions come out in complicated and unexpected ways.
He also knows that Blaine is largely alone at McKinley, and he doesn't have anyone to listen to him, understand him, and support him through the pain of their breakup if he doesn't have Kurt. Kurt has Rachel and his family, and Blaine has no one, nothing, not even the high road of being the one wronged that Kurt can cling to in his darkest hours. Blaine is just alone.
That awful shard of knowledge bites like a barb in his chest, because Kurt has loved Blaine for years, and he can't just stop caring about him, as much as he wants to. Blaine is hurting, really, deeply hurting, and even though Kurt hates that it does, it makes part of his own heart hurt, too.
But Blaine is not Kurt's problem anymore. Blaine chose not to be Kurt's problem. Blaine made it not be Kurt's job to take care of him, no matter how much he still instinctively wants to.
There's nothing Kurt can or should do but square his shoulders, finish the pepper, and pick up the next one.
"I'm sorry. Should I not tell you stuff like that?" Finn asks quietly.
"We broke up, Finn," Kurt says. It's still surprisingly hard to shape those words with his mouth. For so long, he didn’t think he'd ever say them. "I don't think he vanished altogether. It's all right."
"Okay. He was so good, but he got really upset when he sang 'Hopelessly Devoted' - " Kurt pauses in his slicing for a moment as Finn keeps speaking; he closes his eyes and pushes away the certain knowledge that that song was for him, about him. It doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything. " - and I… I don't know. I don't know what to do now, I guess. He was the obvious choice for Danny." Finn trails off, sounding lost.
Blaine may not be Kurt's problem any more, but Finn is Kurt's brother. He can try to give him at least a little help to help him find his way. And Finn's right that Kurt is very good at being decisive.
So Kurt turns back to the screen, offers an encouraging smile, and says, "I'm sure you'll make the best decisions you can, Finn. Just follow your heart."
"I want to get this right," Finn replies. "A lot of people are counting on me."
"You will," Kurt says gently. "And they should count on you. You're a very good person to count on."
Finn smiles at that, his face lighting up in that wonderful, goofy way it does.
Kurt suddenly finds himself missing him fiercely, missing sitting across from him at the dinner table, missing fighting over whose turn it is to wash the dishes, missing double dates and movie nights and performances and so many things that would make him feel bittersweet even if they weren't entwined with memories of Blaine, because Kurt's out on his own now. That’s all behind him. He can't ever go back to the way things were.
"Thanks, little brother," Finn says. "You're a good person to count on, too."
Kurt smiles in return. "Thank you for noticing," he says loftily, and Finn's easy laughter eases some of his melancholy.
His heart might be hurting, but he still has so much. He isn't alone at all.
A part of him he can’t shut off just can't help but wish that Blaine weren't alone, too.
~end~
REMINDER: I live my fandom life unspoiled, so please do no spoil me for anything coming ahead!