Your a far braver individual than I...I don't share the things I write with anyone. For the very reason your verse says. "I dont want to hurt anyone else."
awwh Drakie ^.^ From a readers perspective, I loved it ^.^ Brought me the emotions it promised it would, put me in the situation that others are in, and made me realise a bit of that stubbornness in myself.
From a critical litteracy perspective: The metre you've used for the first and third lines of each verse are interesting... They follow the standard metre, but have an extre "tick" at the end. Impressed :) The repetition of "fine" adds the emphasis that helps bring the poem to life, and the italicised "chorus"-like part is a good change of pace from the repetition, so the reader doesn't get bored. As for improvements: I think the mood and everythiung is perfect, just some of the timing on some of the lines is a little, strange. (And I'm sure you know where I mean, every writer hates their own work, heh)
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'twas beautifully written.
love you M.
*huggles*
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From a readers perspective, I loved it ^.^ Brought me the emotions it promised it would, put me in the situation that others are in, and made me realise a bit of that stubbornness in myself.
From a critical litteracy perspective: The metre you've used for the first and third lines of each verse are interesting... They follow the standard metre, but have an extre "tick" at the end. Impressed :)
The repetition of "fine" adds the emphasis that helps bring the poem to life, and the italicised "chorus"-like part is a good change of pace from the repetition, so the reader doesn't get bored.
As for improvements: I think the mood and everythiung is perfect, just some of the timing on some of the lines is a little, strange. (And I'm sure you know where I mean, every writer hates their own work, heh)
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