POST #305

[fiveormoretimes]

Okay, now I am really hating these Twilight. I have a sore throat and feel like hell, so I stayed home today and started reading the last book, Breaking Dawn. And Bella is pregnant with Edward's baby and it's killing her and it's so stupid that I'm not sure I'll be able to finish. Oh, goddammit, I just Wiki'ed the book and now know the entire plot

Comments

[itchiie]

that bit about jamie...that's a pretty good thought. makes a lot of sense.

[dangerblue]

what you said to jamie is intriguing to me because it's the exact opposite of the problem that i have. i know myself far too well and i have a difficult time interacting with other people who are similar to jamie - too overwhelmed by responsibilities to know what they really want.

there are times where i wish i wasn't so sure of myself, where i could be ambivalent towards things, but those times just never seem to come. i always know the answer now, it's as if everything has been programmed in my head already and it's just a matter of acting out the right choice.

because i am conscious of this, i am also able to act out against myself and pick all of the wrong choices when i feel like being self-destructive.

there are people who say that ignorance is bliss, but i truly doubt that anything could be better than knowing the feeling of my own heart as it beats in my chest.

[fiveormoretimes]

I guess I'm like you are too, which is why this relationship with Jamie is proving to be so hard.

I don't sabotage myself per se, but I have something wrong with my head that makes me lazy, unable to finish what I started, have very poor attendance to work, etc.

But I know myself better than I know anything else. And I, too, want so badly to turn that part of me off, more and more.

I guess the reason I stay with Jamie is I feel like his inward-ness and unwillingness to think about anything but his responsibilities might teach me something?

Guess we'll see.