Here I stand and face the rain [private conversation]

[firstpuzzle]

[God is seriously thinking about going home. Mello won't forgive him, and he's catching waves of something wrong with Matt. He's curled up on one of the white beanbags in his room, toying with his hair and listening to the faint sounds of figures moving about in his toy city. None of his usual distractions are helping. He almost wishes he were like

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[things_goboom]

*Matt poofs in, hands firmly in his pockets. His expression is hard, as cold as he can manage. He sees Near and almost loses his composure at seeing him curled up like that; Matt is not very good at controlling, or even recognizing emotions.

All he knows for sure is that he needs to make Near happy. And this, in Matt's mind, was the only way to do it. He clears his throat and says in a low voice:*

Near.

[firstpuzzle]

[Something in Matt's voice, that hard determination Near's never heard before, makes him curl in on himself tighter, more worried than ever.]

What is wrong?

[things_goboom]

*Matt has to breath in deeply. He can feel his heart starting to crack, but he isn't quite sure what it means, to feel this way. He doesn't like it.*

Near, I don't want you anymore.

*He says this a little fast, and tries to slow down. He's trying to make this realistic, he really is.*

[firstpuzzle]

[Everything... stops. Near's breath, the figures in the city, even his mind. He doesn't feel, right now, that he deserves to be wanted, so he doesn't even consider that Matt might be saying this for other reasons. Finally he shivers, and twists his hair until it hurts, and manages to speak, though it's a whisper, barely audible.]

Why?