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first_seventhe June 10 2008, 20:40:29 UTC
It should be a series! "Seifer Attempts To Woo His Trenchcoat, parts 1-9"

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churched June 10 2008, 20:43:42 UTC
Part 1:

Trenchcoat, trenchcoat
Don't ever leave on a boat
I bought you will three gil
And never left you on a windowsill
I say this in truth
I'd prefer not to need a kissing booth
to gain your attention
Oh, please give me some love and affection

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first_seventhe June 10 2008, 21:16:36 UTC
Part 2: haiku

Once upon a time
I had a romantic dream
It involved you, coat -

and the nasty things
I want to do to you. I
can't deny our love.

Rinoa? She means
nothing to me, love. You are
everything I need.

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churched June 10 2008, 21:25:07 UTC
Part 3: Purple prose.... and ANGST!

"Coat!" Seifer bellowed, his lilypad-tinted orbs welling up with burning liquid dewdrops of his heart. "COOOOOAAAAT!"

A ghastly wind blew, drawing a shudder up his bone-like spine, and it seemed that the coat waved from its position on the angry lapis waves. Goodbye, it said, its buttons glinting with silver, worn shiny from the passion of his thousand tears. Goodbye.

"Goodbye, my friend," Seifer said, his heart welling up to twice its purported size with the wretched agony of his black, death-like sorrow.

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first_seventhe June 10 2008, 21:35:33 UTC
Part 4: A Conversation Between Trepies

"Why isn't Instructor Trepe here?"

"She's in a detention today."

"Dammit all, who went and got detention? I thought we'd specifically told the Trepie network to be on their best behavior today so that Instructor Trepe was free after class for our surprise!"

"That blond guy with the long coat, the one who's always making trouble?"

"The guy in charge of the DC!"

"Yeah!"

"What'd he do?"

"Uh..."

"...how bad was it?"

"...Look, all I know is that I heard something about him and a coat in a supply closet. When Instructor Trepe dragged him into her classroom, though, he didn't have any pants on."

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churched June 10 2008, 21:45:39 UTC
Part 5: The Dry Cleaners ( ... )

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first_seventhe June 11 2008, 12:52:02 UTC
Part 6: A Funeral

The light in the small Garden chapel was on.

Quistis paused. It was her night for patrols, and she'd already caught no less than seven couples in various areas of the TC (in various stages of undress), and she really didn't want to deal with anything else. She wanted a bowl of ice cream and her bed. She hated patrols. But the thought of two students, in various stages of undress, profaning the tiny chapel of Hyne that Garden kept - it was enough to make her stop, and sigh, and turn down the dark hallway.

It wasn't even really a chapel of Hyne - it was just a quiet place with an altar and some pews for religiously-minded students to sit down and think. There was a picture of Hyne, yes, but there was also a cross for the Cetran religion, and in the corner a small incense table for any of the traditional Trabians in the area. No matter what religion you were, there was a small peaceful spot in the chapel for you. And no matter what religion you were, there was no place for hanky-panky in such a small room ( ... )

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churched June 11 2008, 21:52:39 UTC
Part 7: A wedding

Quistis blew into her hands, attempting almost uselessly to warm them. "Seifer--"

"Mr. Alice!" he interjected, his voice slurring over the words.

"Seifer," she reiterated between gritted teeth. "It's cold, you're drunk, and I refuse to be a party to this... craziness!" She paused, blowing into her hands yet again. "Can't you just pass out so I can drag your sorry ass home?"

"No! This is LOVE!" he shouted, swinging happily around the nearly frozen light post. "Alice and I will be together!" He pointed, rather clumsily, at Quistis. "Now read the script!"

Quistis groaned internally. She finally decided it would be easier just to acquiesce to his demands and then drag him home rather than fight the disease. "Dearly beloved snow, we are gathered in the icy shoals of Tromedia to bid these two in holy matrimony."

Seifer never looked happier. Alice just looked the same--tattered and tired.

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first_seventhe June 12 2008, 13:18:06 UTC
Part 8: A Child

Even Raijin was laughing at him, for Hyne's sake. He thought Irvine and Selphie had been bad, but he hadn't seen Raijin laugh this hard in years.

Seifer crossed his arms and tried to look angry and mean. Raijin didn't stop, and normally stoic Fujin wasn't meeting his eyes.

"What?" he asked, finally, and the table of young cadet girls behind him burst into giggles.

"It's - hah-" Raijin finally caught his breath. "Seifer, man, what's with the hat?"

Seifer adjusted the canvas fedora so that it came down over his eyes like cool hats did in the movies. "It's a good hat. It goes with my trenchcoat."

"Yeah," Irvine said, "if you want to look like a comic book gangster."

"I'd shut up if I were you, Mister Imaginary Cowboy."

"Hey!" Irvine raised his hands to his hat. "I didn't say it was a bad thing, Seifer. I just didn't know you were into that kind of fad."

"It's not a fad!" Seifer leapt up from his seat, adjusting the hat again. "It goes with my coat!Selphie burst into amused giggles again, and Seifer ( ... )

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churched June 12 2008, 13:46:05 UTC
(Do you think we should go beyond nine parts?)

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first_seventhe June 12 2008, 13:50:33 UTC
(It doesn't really matter to me! I am, however, posting this, because it is an act of sheer brilliance.)

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churched June 12 2008, 14:01:35 UTC
(Oooh, posting it where?)

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first_seventhe June 12 2008, 15:40:51 UTC
brokenprism, under the tag "Fic: absolute crack".

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churched June 13 2008, 13:34:07 UTC
Nice! I approve ( ... )

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