(no subject)
Sorry for the delay in posting this. I just wasn't happy with some of the last few chapters and wanted to work it out a bit with my beta. The last couple chapters won't be to long in coming. Thanks for being patient.
Title: No Expectations - Chapter Eighteen
Author: firiel77
Word Count: 8627
Warnings: WIP, Mpreg
Rating: M
Pairings: Adam/Tommy
Summary: Tommy’s just feeling a bit off. Set about five years in the future. Adam is a Rock God. Tommy plays guitar for him.
Beta: thrace_adams Whee, thanks so much for stepping in with the beta and the encouragement.
CreditThank you to chaosmanor for graciously agreeing to let me rework her wonderful story Thursday's Child in a different fandom; this fic is what inspired me to try mpreg which is saying something. I encourage everyone to read it. It can be found right here.
Disclaimer: This is fiction people.
Feedback: Sure. Let me know what’s working for you.
Authors Notes: I never thought I’d do it but this is a big old MPreg. Read if you dare. It’s also a WIP and I’m not sure where it will go yet although it will probably be fairly long and I’ve got quite a few chapters roughed out. I’ve just been seeing people pining for domestic fics and (gulp) babies so thought I’d give it a shot.
Thank you jashelle1 for the awesome banner and poster you did for my story. You’re the best.
Previous Chapters Here
It had been a long day at the studio. The producer was sitting at the sound board, head phones on, concentrating intently on the playback. Adam was in conference with one of the technicians on the other side of the soundproof glass; he looked both frustrated and tired. They’d been working on the vocal tracks all afternoon and Adam wasn’t satisfied with what they’d done so far. He could be notoriously hard to please.
Tommy wasn’t required to play but he’d decided to come with Adam to the studio and bring Austin along. When it had dragged on longer than expected Austin had understandably gotten bored and fussy. Tommy was sitting at the soundboard with Austin on his knee and when he pulled a mike out of his grip so that he couldn’t suck on it he started to wail. Adam and the technician looked up and frowned at them through the glass.
Tommy slid off the stool, deciding to take Austin for a walk. It was too crowded in the booth anyway and the air was getting stuffy. Austin craned his neck as they left the board; he was fascinated with all the flashing lights. Tommy caught Adam’s eye and gestured to him that they were leaving. A change of scenery would entertain Austin for a bit.
Tommy was walking down the corridor when he heard someone call out his name. He turned around and saw Doug, who he hadn’t seen in years, and he smiled immediately. Doug had been there when they’d first made it, working at a lot of the early shows around LA for both Adam and Monte. He’d been a good guy and unfortunately one of the many people Tommy had lost track of along the way.
“Hey, Doug,” Tommy grinned. “How are you, man?”
“I’m good, Tommy Joe,” Doug told him, “Jesus, it’s been a long time.”
They stood smiling at each other a moment before Doug looked down at Austin and asked, “Who is this?”
“Um, this is my son, Austin.”
“Really?” Doug asked in surprised. “Wow.” Tommy had assumed word had travelled by now but obviously not to everyone, at least not Doug.
“Yeah,” Tommy told him, holding Austin on his hip.
“So, what are you doing here?”
“I’m, um, here with Adam. He’s working on his album. They’re doing some of the vocal tracks right now so I thought I’d walk Austin around a bit and see if he’d nap.”
Doug looked down at them a moment and scratched the back of his neck thoughtfully.
“Why don’t you come with me and I’ll show you the lunch room. I don’t think anyone’s around this late. I’ll see if there’s any coffee and we can catch up.”
“Yeah, that would be cool,” Tommy agreed. “As long as you don’t have anything you need to do.”
“Naw, I’m done for the day.” Doug paused and put his hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “It’s good to see you, buddy. It’s been too long.”
Tommy followed him to a staff room with sort of a kitchen and furnished with scattered couches. The walls were covered in tour posters and there was a rack of guitars in the corner. Doug put on some coffee and Tommy dug through his bag for a blanket, laid it out on the floor and put Austin down on his back.
“There you go, Auss,” Tommy told him. “Stretch out for a bit.”
Austin made burbling noises and tried to roll over while Tommy searched for a bottle in the jumble of things his backpack. He found one of the ones he’d prefilled with powdered formula and went to the fridge looking for some water. He found some bottled water and filled the baby bottle and shook it so that the powdered formula mixed in. When he was done he noticed Doug staring at him.
“That really is your kid, isn’t it? Doug asked. “I thought you were pulling my chain.”
Tommy laughed. “Yeah, he’s mine alright. I’m not shitting you.”
“Why are you babysitting? Where’s his mom?” Doug asked.
“There is no mom,” Tommy told him. “Not involved at all. Austin’s mine, well, and Adam’s.”
“You and Adam...?”
“Yeah. We’ve been together for a while. Since before Austin was born.”
“Wow,” was all Doug had to say. Tommy had to give him credit; he didn’t even blink over that one.
They sat down on one of the couches and watched as Austin managed to roll himself over onto his stomach and squealed. Tommy leaned over and rolled him back again, laughing, and Austin rolled on his belly again.
“Looks like a good game,” Doug commented.
Tommy rolled Austin onto his back again. “Yeah. We’re not looking forward to when he figures out how to crawl. At least we don’t have any stairs at Adam’s place.”
Doug nodded thoughtfully and then looked up at him. “You look really good, Tommy. How are you doing? What’s it like being a dad?”
“It’s great,” Tommy answered immediately. “Austin is amazing. I’m glad to be working again, you know, playing. Not sure about touring for a while but we’ll work something out.”
“And Adam? How’s he coping with having a baby around? Cause I can’t really see it,” Doug admitted.
Tommy rolled Austin back again and smiled when he waved his hands around excitedly. “He’s doing okay. We were both zombies for a while after Austin was born, but he sleeps better now, and we’re making it work. We’re finally getting our minds back a bit.”
Doug got up to pour them both a cup of coffee and then came back and handed one to Tommy.
“Yeah, well, you look good, maybe a bit tired.”
“Yeah. It’s hard getting back into working. He’s keeping us both pretty busy,” Tommy said, gesturing down at Austin. “We’re going to hire a nanny soon.”
“Jesus,” Doug laughed. “A baby and a nanny. Hard to picture. So much for rock and roll.”
Tommy laughed again and bent down to pick up Austin and gave him his bottle. He took it eagerly and soon they were both laughing at the furious sucking noises he produced. The bottle looked like it was about to implode from the negative pressure.
“Fatherhood seems to agree with you,” Doug told him. “You seem happy; happier than I’ve seen you in a long time, since we first met really.”
Tommy considered. “Yeah, I probably am.” He looked down at Austin, eyes shut, still feeding, one tiny hand clutching rhythmically at Tommy’s t-shirt. He could never help but smile when he saw his son like that, trusting in him so completely.
Doug took a sip of coffee. “I have to say, the last few times I saw you Tommy, I was worried about you.”
Tommy looked in surprise. “Why?”
“You were drinking a lot, and using a lot of drugs. I was a bit concerned. I even talked to Monte about it a couple times.”
Tommy shrugged. “Everyone drank, Doug. And we all did a few drugs. It was just part of the scene, you know?”
“I know, I know,” Doug admitted. “It’s just seemed to me that you needed it, enjoyed it a bit more than the rest of us. You seemed to be getting a bit out of control.”
Tommy nodded. He couldn’t really disagree. After all, it was that kind of risky behaviour that had resulted in Austin in the first place, although he’d never regretted that part for a moment.
“Yeah, I was. You’re right. But I’m good now. We both are. Seems like a different life.”
“You don’t miss it?”
“Nope,” Tommy assured him. “Not at all.” Austin had finished his bottle and was dozing off so Tommy pulled it gently from his mouth and put it down. He spoke quietly so as not to jolt him awake.
“I was never into the whole club scene, really. It’s not my thing. And Adam’s not into it anymore either,” Tommy laughed. “Can’t be, we’re too tired. We can hardly stay up past 11:00 now.”
Doug laughed and Tommy checked his watch, trying not to disturb Austin. “I think I better get going. Adam must be just about done by now and I should get Austin in his car seat so he can sleep.”
“Sure, man,” Doug said as he got up. “Say hi to Adam for me.”
“I will.”
****************************
Adam and Tommy exchanged glances as the front door closed behind the latest applicant for the position as nanny. “Not a chance,” Adam said.
“No way,” Tommy agreed, arms across his chest and shaking his head firmly.
They’d decided to hire a nanny to give them more time to work although neither of them had any intention of stepping down from their parenting duties. It was just as much to free up Neil, Dia and Leila so they could get back to their own lives. Tommy and Adam figured the nanny could come to the studio with them and watch Austin there.
Adam had called Rita for advice and she’d put them in touch with a highly recommended agency who agreed to send them some nannies to chose between. They wanted to find one who would fit in with their lifestyle but it was proving to be more difficult than they’d realized. They’d been interviewing candidates all morning without any luck.
So far they’d had a middle aged woman who eyed the two of them disapprovingly when she realized they were a couple, a wide eyed kid who looked like she’d really come for an autograph, and a prim matronly woman who taken one look at the messy apartment and asked if they had a housekeeper. She’d also glared at Tommy so sternly when he’d put his feet up on the coffee table that he’d pulled them off immediately. She’d scared the crap out of him.
Tommy picked Austin up from where he was lying on the floor on his blanket. “How hard can it be to find a nanny for such a great baby?” he asked him, and Austin give him a gummy smile back.
He shook his head and turned to Adam. “And this is the agency Rita recommended. Imagine if we were trying to weed out the crazy stalkers too.”
“Seriously,” Adam agreed.
Tommy handed Austin to him and said “I’ll go to make more coffee. How many more are there?”
“I think there’s one more to interview this morning.”
The phone rang and Tommy went for it wearily. “That’s probably her now.” He answered and told the doorman downstairs to send up their last interviewee before he headed to the kitchen. There was a knock at the front door before the coffee maker was done and he opened it to greet the next prospective nanny.
She was wearing the same pale green and white uniform as the other applicants, and Tommy took in her short spiky hair, the tiny dimples on her face where she obviously usually wore piercings, and the tattoo that peeked out above the neckline of her uniform, and grinned at her. When he saw the industrial in her left ear he realized he liked her immediately.
The woman held up a photo ID card for Tommy to check and smiled back at him. “Hi, I’m Jane,” she told him.
Tommy stepped back and waved her in. “Come on in, Jane.”
Adam looked up from where he was sitting with Austin on his knee and his eyes widened when Tommy led Jane into the family room. He broke into a smile though when she knelt down in front of him and Austin and said, “You must be Austin.” She stroked Austin’s cheek with her finger and he smiled too.
Austin gurgled contentedly, and Tommy exchanged a glance with Adam. It looked like they might have found their nanny. She wasn’t conventional but then neither were they. Tommy’s opinion of her rose further when she shifted a pile of folded laundry over on the couch to make room to sit and flopped down at one end for the interview.
Jane had no experience with being a nanny but she loved kids and had helped raise her younger brothers and sisters. She’d moved down to L.A. to start over after a bad breakup with her girlfriend. When she told them she sang in a band Tommy knew that she’d won Adam over. They spent the rest of the interview talking about music.
When Jane had left, Adam said, “A lesbian nanny, why didn’t we think of that?” He started to laugh, “It makes sense. We ask the agency for a nanny who is comfortable with two men raising a child, they send us Jane. What do you think?”
Tommy grinned back at him. “She’s cool. I liked her.”
“Should we give her a try?” Adam asked.
“Why the hell not? She sure beats the one who looked like she ran a concentration camp.”
****************************
Sutan was in town, home from filming in New York, and he’d asked Tommy and Adam out for dinner at a Mexican place they all loved. Tommy had suggested he and Adam come on their own; that Austin could stay home with Jane, but Sutan would have none of it.
The restaurant was busy and colourful and not at all stuffy; a good fit for a loud and easily bored baby. Adam was taking his turn with Austin, carrying him around, showing him the tacky piñata’s and sombrero’s used as decoration, while Tommy and Sutan sipped a margarita’s and caught up.
The first thing Sutan had done was look Tommy up and down and shake his head disapprovingly. “You’re not my beautiful Tommy anymore.”
“Yeah. I know,” Tommy agreed, running his hand happily over the stubble on his face, trying not to sound too relieved. “I’m a guy again, thanks to the hormones.”
“Shame, “ Sutan pouted. “You made a gorgeous woman.”
“Thanks, but it wasn’t me. Sorry man.”
“Aw, well. C’est la vie,” Sutan shrugged. “You missed your calling though, baby. You could be a fierce drag queen if you wanted to.”
Tommy fought not to shudder. He had nothing whatsoever against drag, had been intrigued by it at one point, he was no longer interested at all. He’d resigned himself to being a woman while he had to; found it quite interesting, enlightening at times, but once had been enough. He was a guy; there was no getting around it, from the beer drinking, to the video games, to the slovenly habits. Being pregnant hadn’t changed any of that.
“So, baby, what’s new?” Sutan asked him.
Tommy shrugged. “Working on the album. Looking after Austin.”
Sutan put down his drink and looked at him speculatively. “And I see that involves Adam as well?”
Tommy ducked his head and smiled, running his finger through the circle of moisture left by his glass on the table. He’d known from the start that this was going to be a check up visit from Uncle Sutan.
“Yeah, it does. We’re still together, we’re doing this together, I’m living with Adam at his condo.” Tommy smiled more broadly. “We’re talking about getting a house together. We’ll probably start looking once the album’s finished.”
Sutan leaned back. “So this is a permanent arrangement now?”
Tommy nodded. “Yeah. I hope so, at least.”
“And Adam?”
“He wants to too. He says he loves me.”
Sutan frowned. “Now baby, why do you say that as if it’s so hard to believe?”
Tommy shrugged again. “I guess it just takes some getting used to. It’s not like we’ve have a lot in common.”
“You have plenty,” Sutan assured him. “It just took the two of you longer than anyone else to see it, that’s all. And you have a beautiful baby together now too. That’s important.”
Tommy chuckled. “You’re telling me. No matter how much Adam manages to piss me off, I can’t imagine looking after Austin by myself. No fucking way.”
Sutan laughed. “My sister told me the same thing. How is Adam being?” he asked, glancing to where Adam was standing across the room in front of a huge fishbowl that Austin seemed fascinated with. “Is he treating you good? Is he being sweet to you?”
Tommy took another drink. “He’s been awesome. Better than I ever expected him to be. Everyone keeps telling me how much he’s changed.”
Tommy frowned as he said it. It made him sad; he hadn’t realized how much Adam had alienated himself from his friends and family in the last few years as his career went supernova. He hadn’t realized everyone else thought Adam was an overbearing and irritating asshole too, not just he and the rest of the band.
The worst part was that some of it was unfounded. Tommy had learned that it had been Adam’s defence mechanism to guard himself against the users and to shore up the self doubt and fears about not being as great as his people told him he was. The last few years had been lonely for Adam; it was ironic that they were also when he’d had the most success.
“He has changed, but not that much,” Sutan agreed. “I think he just forgot who he was for a while there. I’m glad the old Adam is back.”
“Me too.”
Sutan looked at him intently for a moment and Tommy knew he had something more on his mind. Finally he asked, “What?”
Sutan sighed. “Okay, Tommy. I’ve got something I want to say,” he started, “and don’t you dare roll your eyes at me,” he added as Tommy began doing just that.
“I gave Adam the same talk when I was out at the beach and now it’s your turn.”
Tommy shifted uneasily in his chair but resignedly gave Sutan his full attention.
“Okay,” Sutan smiled. “I’m glad you two are together. I just hope you realize how serious this is for Adam. I don’t want to see him get hurt.”
“I know that,” Tommy told him abruptly.
“Well, good.” Sutan leaned back in his chair and then glanced across the room at Adam again.
“I’ve known him a long time. I’ve seen a lot of boyfriends come and go and each time it’s taken something out of him. He puts on a good face but.......”
Tommy nodded silently. Adam had as much as said it himself when he expressed his fear that the celebrity spotlight would prove too much for Tommy.
“He’s like one of those fucking animals that mates for life. It almost finished him when he and Brad broke up. I don’t want to see that happen again.”
Tommy sighed. “Don’t you think I know that?” he snapped. “I think about it, believe me. I don’t ever want to hurt him.”
Tommy took a long drink and then put his glass back and ran his fingers distractedly through his hair before he spoke anymore.
I know I’ve been pretty shitty at relationships but I really want this one to work. I want it to last. Not just for Austin. For all of us.”
Sutan smiled across at him and nodded. “Well, I’d say that’s a good start,” he assured Tommy. He looked across the room and said, “It looks like they’re on their way back.”
They both looked up when Adam got back to the table with Austin. Sutan held out his hands and told him, “let me have him, Adam. Look at your menu, Tommy and I already know what we want. I’m starving.”
Sutan’s eyebrows rose when Adam ordered loaded nacho’s to share and chilli rellanos for his lunch. When Tommy ordered a fiesta salad he started to laugh.
“What?” Adam asked him once the waitress had left.
Sutan shook his head. “I never thought I’d see the day Tommy was eating healthier food than you, Adam.”
“I’m hungry,” Adam told him peevishly.
Sutan snorted and told him “you better watch it or you’re going to put on weight,” and although Tommy knew he was just joking he cringed inside. Adam had already put on weight and was damn touchy about it. Tommy had mentioned the two of them joining a gym and Adam had been so offended that Tommy had dropped the subject immediately.
Adam frowned but didn’t respond angrily as Tommy had feared he might. He only had a sip of his drink and shrugged. “It’s too late. I already have. Heavier than I’ve been in years,” he admitted.
“It’ll come off,” Tommy assured him. “When you’ve got more time to work out it’ll be easier. It’s not a big deal.”
“Easy for you to say,” Adam told him glumly. Tommy had managed to lose all the weight he’d gained while pregnant without doing anything.
Sutan smiled at the two of them and then went back to amusing Austin by making faces at him. Austin grabbed a spoon off the table and immediately started to suck on the end of it. Sutan let him have it and Adam made to object until Tommy and interjected.
“It’s clean,” he assured Adam. “Just let him have it.”
Happily Adam dropped the subject and they both listened while Sutan told them all about the drag review he’d been hosting in New York City for the past few months. At one point Tommy slid Sutan’s margarita further from Austin’s grasping fingers, thus avoiding disaster, and eventually the waitress brought their nacho’s.
Tommy held out his hands, “Here, I better feed him before lunch comes. I’ll take him.”
When the rest of the food came Tommy picked away at his salad while Austin pummelled him on the side of the head with his spoon. Adam only ate half of his lunch before offering to take Austin and let Tommy eat in peace. They were getting good at trading off.
Luckily they’d all finished and the waitress had cleared the table when they were suddenly aware of ominous sounds coming from Austin and a very concentrated look on his face. Even Sutan knew what it meant.
Tommy reached for the diaper bag under the table immediately, knowing Austin would need to be changed, and Adam slid his hand into the back of their son’s pants to check his diaper and confirm their fears that he wasn’t just wet. When Tommy sat back up Adam had a disgusted look on his face.
“What?” Tommy asked him.
Adam just shook his head.
“Does he need to be changed?” Tommy asked him, diaper bag at the ready.
Adam just nodded, not saying anything at first. Finally he told Tommy grimly, “It’s really bad.” He was tight lipped when he spoke and already getting up to head for the restroom. He looked as if he was about to gag.
Tommy was up immediately as well, turning to Sutan and explaining, “We’ll be right back. This sounds like a two man job.”
He could hear Sutan laughing all the way across the room and Tommy was thankful that he’d had the foresight to bring a change of clothes for Austin. He steeled himself for what was about to come. It didn’t seem quite right that the lives of a couple glamorous rock stars involved this kind of thing.
*********************************
Adam had left already for the office so Tommy and Neil were kicking around the apartment for the morning. It was Jane’s day off. Austin had discovered that he liked sitting in his exersaucer so the hideous thing was dragged into the center of the living room and finally earning its keep.
When Tommy got out of the shower Neil was hunched over his laptop cackling about something and Austin was squawking because he’d tossed all his toys off the tray that surrounded him. Tommy stooped to pick some of them up and put them back within reach and then turned to Neil.
“Hey, are you going out this morning?”
“No, not until this afternoon. Why?”
“I’ve got to run down to the lawyer’s office to pick something up,” Tommy told him. Can you watch Austin for a while?”
Neil looked at him suspiciously, clearly wondering how long a while was.
“An hour, max,” Tommy assured him.
“Has he been changed this morning?”
Tommy sighed, “Yes, Adam did before he left.”
Neil wavered. “When did he last eat?” he asked. Neil hated changing dirty diapers fiercely, not that any of them were crazy about it. When Tommy started to tell him to fuck off Neil held up his hands and relented. “Okay, okay, it’s fine. I’ll watch him. I’m just giving you a hard time.”
Neil turned to Austin who was now sucking on one of his chew toys as Tommy called them, the only one left within reach. “What do you say buddy? Want to spend some quality time with your favourite uncle?” he asked.
“You’re his only uncle, Neil.”
“Details,” Neil shrugged, gathering up the toys scattered around where Austin had again thrown them. His latest phase seemed to be actively studying cause and effect.
“Okay, there are bottles in the fridge. You know where all the diaper stuff is,” Tommy began running over the usual checklist.
Neil shook his head. “I’ve done this before. Jesus, you’re getting as bad as my brother.”
Tommy laughed while he put on his boots. “Sorry, man. I’ll leave you to it.” He waved goodbye to Austin and took off. There was something he’d meant to take care of for a while now. He was only sorry it had taken him so long.
**********************************
Earlier in the week Tommy and Adam had run into Carmen once more and it was that chance meeting which had prompted Tommy to action. It was probably inevitable that their paths would cross again. Carmen was on the same label as Adam and its office shared the same building as Adam’s management company.
Adam had been delayed with Rita so Tommy had taken a bored Austin down to the lobby. They’d been waiting there when Carmen came out of the elevator. She was by herself and came right over when she saw them.
“Hey, Tommy,” she smiled easily, looking at Austin. “Wow, he’s grown!”
“Hi, Carmen,” Tommy replied. “Yeah, bigger all the time.”
They chatted a few minutes, Carmen telling him what she was up to, doing most of the talking as usual. Some things never changed. Finally she paused a moment and hesitantly asked Tommy, “Do you think I could hold him?”
“Um, sure,” Tommy told her, slightly surprised at the request. Carmen had never struck him as being into babies. She was far too career oriented for anything too domestic.
Austin was happy with the arrangement, quite fascinated with Carmen’s huge earrings and long wavy hair. Tommy struggled to keep her jewellery safe and her hair away from his grasping fingers while they spoke. He was laughingly pulling some her hair out of Austin’s mouth when they heard the elevator arrive at the lobby.
Adam was smiling when he stepped out but when he recognized who was holding Austin his face dropped. Tommy noticed his dark look and immediately took Austin back. Carmen gave him up willingly; probably tired of having her hair pulled anyway but when she greeted Adam she only managed a slight smile. Adam was equally frosty when he responded and they made awkward goodbyes before leaving quickly in opposite directions.
Adam was so quiet on the drive home Tommy finally asked him, “Are you okay?”
Adam looked across and shrugged but said nothing before he turned back to the traffic ahead. Okay, that wasn’t like Adam at all and Tommy tried to think of what to say. He knew it was seeing Carmen with Austin that had struck a nerve.
“It was Carmen, wasn’t it?” he asked.
“It’s no big deal,” Adam told him tightly, his tone indicating that it kind of was.
Tommy said no more about it, but he’d decided right then that he needed to get off his ass and get going with the adoption. He still had issues with long term planning but one thing he was certain of was that Adam needed to know that Austin was his, no matter what the hell else happened, hence the morning trip to the lawyers office.
That night Tommy waited impatiently for Adam to return. He’d been out all day and held up with a late meeting. It was almost 10:00 and Tommy was beginning to wonder where the hell he was. Neil had obligingly gone out now but their evening alone was pretty much shot, not that Austin would have cooperated anyway. He was getting a tooth and it was making him more irritable than usual.
He was in no mood to be left to his own devices; screaming bloody murder whenever he was put down so Tommy had been spending the evening carrying him around on his hip while he cleaned up. He’d given Austin a frozen teething ring in the hopes that it would help but with no success; he kept tossing it to the floor until Tommy finally gave up. He could feel a killer headache coming on.
When Adam finally got in Austin had collapsed in an exhausted sleep after his bottle, sprawled in Tommy’s arms, completely relaxed and looking like a ragdoll. Tommy was on the couch watching a movie and Adam sat down wearily beside him. He looked exhausted and Tommy fought down his resentment over having to deal with a miserable baby alone.
He almost suggested that Adam take a couple days off but thought better of it. Monte had dared the same suggestion a few days before and it was not well received. As much as Adam kept saying he would take it easy, once he was immersed in a project it was full speed ahead.
“How was your day,” Tommy finally asked, quietly hoping he wouldn’t wake Austin.
Adam shrugged and rubbed his eyes. “Okay, I guess. The label’s still not happy with the tracks. We’re going to try something different next week. Sorry I’m so late.” He stretched his arms above his head and yawned, “Shit, I’m tired.”
Adam turned to Austin where he lay and gently reached over and squeezed a sleeper clad toe. His cheeks were flushed from teething and he drooled a bit in his sleep. “How’s he been?”
Tommy shook his head and felt another wave of self pity well up. “Not good. He’s been screaming his lungs out all night.”
“Have you given him Tylenol?”
“Yes. Believe me. As much as I could.” Tommy leaned his head back on the couch and shut his eyes.
“Using the teething ring?”
“Yes,” Tommy gritted out, trying to keep the irritation from his voice. “He won’t touch it.”
“What about the Ambesol my mom brought over?”
“Oh yeah, tried that too.”
Adam sighed, out of ideas. “Jesus, maybe we should try rubbing rum on his gums like your gramma said?” he chuckled.
Tommy turned his head and finally smiled at Adam. “If there’s going to be any alcohol used, believe me, I’m getting first dibs.”
“I hear you.”
Tommy gingerly sat up and held the still sleeping Austin out to Adam, careful not to jostle him awake. “Here. Take him a minute. I want to get something,” he told Adam.
“I was just going to jump in the shower,” Adam protested, and Tommy frowned in warning.
“I’ll just be a second,” he told him. His head ached and he wasn’t in the mood for any sort of attitude from Adam, no matter what kind of fucking day he’d had.
Adam said no more, accepting the sleeping baby resignedly. When Tommy got back with his papers Adam was half-heartedly watching the movie Tommy had on. It was one of the Friday the Thirteenth series.
“I don’t know why you watch this shit,” Adam muttered grumpily and Tommy’s head started to pound even more. He pressed his lips together, resisting the urge to say something he might regret. He put a file folder down on the couch between them and lifted Austin out of Adam’s arms before sitting down himself.
Adam looked at the folder with pursed lips and then turned back to Tommy with a puzzled look. “What’s that?” he asked.
Tommy leaned across and flipped it open, showing Adam the stack of legal documents. “I know we talked about it a bit before he was born, but I want to make it official. It’s just been so crazy that I haven’t had a chance to do it until now.”
Adam picked up the papers and leafed through them without saying anything. Tommy pressed on.
“They’re the adoption papers,” he explained. “I want, I mean I’d really like it if you would adopt Austin, like we talked about.” Tommy looked up at Adam. “That way, if anything were to ever happen to me, or to us, then he’d be yours too. It would be official.”
“Nothing’s going to happen,” Adam told him, a note of what sounded like irritation in his voice.
Tommy sighed. “I know. I just want to be sure. He’s as much yours as mine, Adam. I want it to be all legal. You know?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“So, you’re going to?”
Adam continued to read the legal papers, flipping slowly through them without saying anything. He didn’t look as happy as Tommy would have liked; he’d thought Adam would be thrilled at the idea. The fact that Adam hadn’t even smiled irked him more than he wanted to admit.
“Or don’t you want to anymore?” Tommy found himself asking, immediately wishing he hadn’t when Adam looked up guiltily.
Adam’s eyes flashed. “Of course I do,” he shot back. He leaned back and sighed, rubbing his eyes some more. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m just really tired and it was kind of a shitty day at the studio.”
When he looked up at Tommy his eyes were shadowed with fatigue and he looked like he was feeling sad more than anything else. “What do I have to do?” he asked Tommy.
“Sign all these,” Tommy told him. “I’ve already signed. And then we can just drop them back off with the lawyers and they’ll take care of it.”
“Okay. I’ll do it in the morning,” he smiled wanly. “I just really need a shower and some sleep. Don’t get up,” he told Tommy as he stood. “I’ll put them on the table.”
“Thanks,” Tommy told him.
It was standard practise. When Austin was finally asleep on nights like these, nothing, and no one, under pain of death, was to disturb him. Tommy would sometimes gladly hold him until his arms went numb just to enjoy the silence it brought.
Tommy watched the end of his movie while Adam showered. He didn’t come back out when he was done, instead just waving tiredly to Tommy as he headed to the bedroom. Tommy sat for a while with Austin before he put him in his bed, thinking about Adam’s lack of enthusiasm over the adoption papers.
Granted, he could have probably have chosen a better time to bring it up, not when he was frazzled and Adam tired was preoccupied with work. But shit, a little more enthusiasm would have been nice. The whole thing had been anticlimactic and more than a little unsatisfactory.
When Tommy finally slipped into bed Adam was dead to the world. He slid in close and Adam threw an arm over him, unconsciously pulling him in. Tommy lay there enjoying the radiating warmth but it was still a long time before he finally fell asleep.
*****************************
The next morning Tommy slept late. When he finally got up and pulled on some clothes Jane was sitting on the living room floor watching a Baby Einstein DVD while Austin lay on his blanket and tried to fit the head of his rattle inside his mouth. Tommy felt a pang of regret when he realized Adam wasn’t there; he felt like he needed to talk to him about the night before.
“Morning, Tommy,” Jane greeted him. “Sleep in?”
“Yeah,” Tommy agreed. “I couldn’t sleep last night,” he explained which a yawn. He checked the clock and saw that it was already eleven.
“Well, I just made some coffee so help yourself,” she told him as she turned back to the DVD.
“You enjoying that?” Tommy asked as he went to get a cup.
Jane kept her eyes glued to the screen as she answered. “Yup, getting smarter every day.”
Once he’d poured some coffee Tommy went and sat down, cross legged, beside Austin on the floor and watched as he threw himself over onto his stomach so that he could get closer to the rattle that he’d managed to toss just out of his reach. Tommy moved the offending toy a little closer and smiled as Austin struggled to push himself up on his arms, pull his knees under himself, and crawl. He wasn’t far off.
He looked up when he heard Jane laughing. “That’s cruel,” she told him as they both watched Austin trying to work himself closer to his toy.
Tommy chuckled. “Just trying to give him some motivation,” he assured her. “He’s almost got it, hasn’t he?”
“Yeah,” Jane agreed. “He’ll be crawling any day now.”
Jane turned to Tommy and he watched as she looked him up and down with pursed lips and started to shake her head at him.
What?” he asked.
“How many days in a row have you worn that t-shirt, Tommy?” she laughed.
He looked down at his favourite Metallica shirt and frowned. Okay, so maybe it was showing a few signs of wear, a bit faded, a couple ripped seams maybe, but there was nothing really wrong with it? It was fine for around the house, for fuck’s sake.
“I don’t know,” he admitted as he gave one of his pits a discrete sniff to see if maybe it did need to go into the wash. “Why?”
Jane laughed. “We started a poll. We’re all betting on how many days you wear it.”
“Who did?” Tommy demanded, although he knew Neil would be involved. The number of days Tommy would wear the same clothes was a running joke with Neil although Tommy didn’t really see what the big deal was. He wasn’t really fussed most times with what clothes he wore.
“Neil, Adam and I,” Jane confirmed. “Well, and Leila too,” she added.
Tommy scowled at her. That Neil was involved didn’t surprise him at all, he’d undoubtedly organized it, and of course Adam and Jane would join in, but he hadn’t expected Leila to participate. Damn it, that one smacked of betrayal.
Tommy tried to look offended and asked, “So, what’s everyone betting?”
“Well, Leila and I are giving you the benefit of the doubt. She said three days and I said five.”
Tommy raised his eyebrows. Had he really? That long? Maybe he should pay a bit more attention to his clothes rotation? “And Adam?” he asked resignedly.
“He said a week, easy,” Jane confirmed and then quickly added, “But Neil’s holding out for two weeks. He really thinks you can do it.”
Tommy snorted. Assholes. “Speaking of the Lambert boys, where are they?” he asked. It was Saturday morning after all, usually a day that everyone could be counted on to hang around home.
“Leila made them go with her to test drive the car she’s thinking of buying,” Jane told him. “They didn’t look very excited about it. You’re lucky you slept in. She wanted you to go too.”
That was indeed fortunate, Tommy silently agreed. He wasn’t really into cars; as long as they started and got you from A to B they were fine by him. Neil was quite savvy about vehicles and also a good negotiator but the thought of taking Adam along was pretty funny. Adam knew as little about cars as Tommy did, the only difference being that he thought he knew more than he did.
Tommy laughed. “Glad I missed it.”
The DVD ended and Jane got up and stretched before looking down at Tommy.
“I was thinking I’d take Austin for a walk. Want to come?”
Tommy shook his head. He needed to make something for breakfast. His stomach was rumbling ominously.
“No, thanks. I’m going to hang around here. You guys go,” he told her.
“Suit yourself. Jane reached down, picked Austin up off his blanket and sat him on her hip. She turned to Tommy again.
“Adam said he’d be home by lunch time if you want to go the farmers market,” she told him. “Oh, and he said to tell you he left you a note on the table."
Tommy glanced at the table immediately but got up and helped Jane get packed up and Austin into the stroller first before reading. Once he’d seen the two of them off Tommy poured himself another coffee and found Adam’s note. It was on the table, sitting atop the signed adoption papers. Tommy picked it up and sat down on the couch, sipping his coffee before unfolding it.
Tommy couldn’t help but smile when he saw Adam’s larger than life handwriting. The note wasn’t very long.
”Sorry I was such a douche last night. I was in a bad mood. Of course I want to adopt Austin. I’ve signed all the papers. Love Adam.”
Tommy felt the tension he’d been feeling ever since Jane mentioned the note ease off slightly and he leaned back into the couch. But when he read the final line Tommy felt his stomach drop.
It said, “P.S., or we could always just get married.”
He’d concluded with a winkie face to imply he was joking and then signed off with his customary flourish.
Tommy put the note down on the coffee table and then stared at it as if he expected it to burst into flames, chewing on a nail as he thought. Adam WAS kidding, wasn’t he? Surely he was? But the more Tommy thought about it, the more Tommy realized that maybe he did. Maybe that was why he seemed kind of disappointed last night.
Tommy jumped up and started pacing around the apartment, his fingernail still in his mouth. The thought of getting married to Adam, though not as repugnant as when Carmen had always suggested it, still left him slightly panic stricken. He sat back down and picked up the note again, glancing at it once more to make sure he’d not misread the final line. Nope, it was still there.
Tommy got up again and got his phone from where he’d left it charging in the bedroom. He punched in the numbers for his mom and then listened as her phone went unanswered, finally going to voicemail. He left her a brief message, saying hi and asking her to call him back, before he dialled his sister’s number.
He almost sighed in relief when James picked up the phone after the second ring and after chatting briefly, passed the phone on to Lisa. There was bedlam in the background and Tommy waited while Lisa covered the phone and yelled some instructions before getting back to him in a quieter room.
“Hey, sweetie,” she said, “How are you doing? How’s Austin?”
“He’s good. Jane’s just taken him for a walk,” Tommy told her. “How are you guys doing?”
Lisa laughed. “Oh, you know. Same old thing. Busy. We’re just getting the girls ready for soccer.” She sounded a bit distracted.
Tommy nodded along and then asked, “Hey, do you have a couple minutes to talk?” He pulled his thumb from his mouth when he realized he’d bitten his nail down to the quick and waited for her answer.
Lisa hesitated a second and then Tommy heard her yelling something to James. She was back in a second and told him, “Okay, I’ve got James looking for their soccer cleats. I’ve got a bit of time before we have to leave. What’s up, Tommy?”
Now Tommy hesitated. He wasn’t sure where to start. He bit at his lip a moment before he began to tell Lisa about his conversation the night before with Adam.
“Um, I got the papers drawn up for Adam to adopt Austin,” he started. “And I asked him to sign them last night.”
There was silence on the other end of the line as Lisa waited patiently for him to continue. When no further info was forthcoming she finally demanded, “And?”
Tommy let out a breath and pushed on. “And he was kind of weird about it.”
“Weird in what way?” Lisa asked, now sounding slightly concerned.
“I don’t know,” Tommy continued helplessly. “He just seemed like he wasn’t that into it,” he tried to explain. “He seemed kind of, I don’t know, sad or pissed off or something.”
“Doesn’t he want to adopt Austin?” Lisa asked, sounding surprised. They’d all assumed he would adopt Austin; they’d talked about it quite a bit before he’d been born.
“No,” Tommy assured her. “He says he does.” Tommy sighed. He figured he was sounding like an idiot and tried to think of how to end the conversation quickly and just hang up.
“And so....” Lisa prodded. “Honestly, Tommy, getting anything out of you is like pulling teeth sometimes.”
Tommy almost groaned out loud. Damn it, he figured that he better finish what he’d started. He plunged on before he could chicken out. “And he left me a note this morning, you know, saying he was sorry for being a jerk last night.”
“And this worries you because....?” Lisa asked. She sounded now like she was trying not to laugh and Tommy cursed her under his breath.
“It wasn’t that part,” he told her testily, running his hand through his bangs in frustration. “At the end he joked, or at least I think he was joking, that we could always just get married. Except that the more I think about it, the more I think he wasn’t joking,” Tommy finally finished with a sigh.
Lisa didn’t say anything and Tommy cleared his throat impatiently. “What if he’s not?” he demanded. “What if he’s not joking about getting married?”
Okay, he could definitely hear Lisa laughing now at the other end of the phone and Tommy was just about to ask her what the fuck was so funny when she finally spoke.
“Yeah, I can see why you’re so upset,” she told him before breaking down into giggles.
“You’re laughing at me.”
It took Lisa a second to get herself under control. “I’m sorry, Tommy. I guess I just don’t know what the big deal is.”
“What do you mean?” Tommy asked her grumpily.
“Well, you love Adam, don’t you?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“And Adam loves you?”
“Yeah,” Tommy admitted grudgingly.
“And he loves Austin?” Lisa continued patiently, like she was trying to draw him a picture.
Tommy shut his eyes in exasperation. This was getting a bit repetitious. “Yes.”
“And he said in his note that you guys should get married?”
“Yes. That’s what I said,” Tommy told her curtly.”
“And you’re pretty sure he wasn’t joking?”
“Yes, Lisa.” Tommy was getting a bit exasperated. “Look, can you get to the point here?”
Lisa broke up in another round of laughter and he could hear her hiccupping into the phone while she continued.
“Well, I think there’s only one thing to do in this situation,” Lisa told him. “I think you two should probably get married.”
Tommy heard more laughing and then James in the background again, probably wondering what was so damn funny. There was a brief, muffled conversation and then Lisa spoke again.
“Look, Tommy. You’re my little brother, and I love you dearly, but honestly, sometimes you can be a complete dumb ass. What the hell is your problem?”
Tommy was taken aback. He gaped into the phone, fuming that Lisa was laughing at him in his time of crisis.
He sputtered into the phone. “Thanks, Lisa. I love you too.”
Lisa sighed. “I’m sorry, sweetie. But what’s got you so freaked out about getting married? You can now, you know? Laws have been changed.”
“I know,” Tommy sighed. “It’s just that I’ve never pictured myself getting married, you know? Carmen used to bust my ass about it and I’d tell her we were too young.”
Lisa was much more serious when she spoke again. “This is different though, isn’t it? It’s different than when you were with Carmen?”
“Yeah,” Tommy admitted, chewing down another fingernail.
“Tommy, everyone can tell. If any two people should get married it’s you two.”
Tommy thought about what Lisa was saying. The idea wasn’t making him quite as nauseous as it had earlier, although his palms were still sweaty with anxiety.
He tried to explain. “It just feels like it’s too soon, that I’m not ready.”
Lisa laughed easily. “Honey, you’re thirty six. You’re not getting any younger.”
“I know that,” Tommy huffed.
“Lots of people feel like that. It’s a big commitment. But I was a lot younger than you are when I got married. Jesus, I’d had two kids by the time I was your age.
Tommy nodded, “Yeah, I know.”
And really, he hadn’t thought it was weird when Lisa and James got married. He’d thought it was great. Maybe the thought of getting married himself wasn’t that preposterous after all?
“Well then, just think about it, Tommy. Okay?” Lisa pressed. "It sounds to me like Adam's feels ready. It's not really a crazy idea."
“Yeah, okay,” he agreed reluctantly.
The volume in the background shot up by many decibels and Tommy could hear his nieces yelling and Lisa telling them to be quiet. It was a couple minutes before she came back on.
“Look, Tommy, we’ve got to get going, okay?”
“Okay, sure.”
“So, you’re going to be okay?” she asked.
"Yeah, I'm good now."
Tommy heard some more urgent discussion at the other end of the line and then Lisa asked, “Can you say hi to the girls? They both want to talk to you.”
Tommy smiled. “Yeah, okay. Go ahead and put them on. Oh, and Lisa, thanks for listening, okay?”
“Sure, sweetie. Any time. And remember, just think about it, okay?”
“Yeah, I will,” Tommy told her before she put the kids on. He chatted with them easily, hearing how school was going and about their soccer teams before finally hanging up.
He sat back on the couch and shut his eyes, mulling over what Lisa had said to him. He suspected his mother would say pretty much the same thing and decided that maybe he wouldn’t bring it up when she called. He felt better already. The lump of anxiety that had settled in his stomach as soon as he'd read the words get married had eased off somewhat. He wasn't feeling nearly as panic striken, he just had some things he needed to think about.
Chapter Nineteen
Title: No Expectations - Chapter Eighteen
Author: firiel77
Word Count: 8627
Warnings: WIP, Mpreg
Rating: M
Pairings: Adam/Tommy
Summary: Tommy’s just feeling a bit off. Set about five years in the future. Adam is a Rock God. Tommy plays guitar for him.
Beta: thrace_adams Whee, thanks so much for stepping in with the beta and the encouragement.
CreditThank you to chaosmanor for graciously agreeing to let me rework her wonderful story Thursday's Child in a different fandom; this fic is what inspired me to try mpreg which is saying something. I encourage everyone to read it. It can be found right here.
Disclaimer: This is fiction people.
Feedback: Sure. Let me know what’s working for you.
Authors Notes: I never thought I’d do it but this is a big old MPreg. Read if you dare. It’s also a WIP and I’m not sure where it will go yet although it will probably be fairly long and I’ve got quite a few chapters roughed out. I’ve just been seeing people pining for domestic fics and (gulp) babies so thought I’d give it a shot.
Thank you jashelle1 for the awesome banner and poster you did for my story. You’re the best.
Previous Chapters Here
It had been a long day at the studio. The producer was sitting at the sound board, head phones on, concentrating intently on the playback. Adam was in conference with one of the technicians on the other side of the soundproof glass; he looked both frustrated and tired. They’d been working on the vocal tracks all afternoon and Adam wasn’t satisfied with what they’d done so far. He could be notoriously hard to please.
Tommy wasn’t required to play but he’d decided to come with Adam to the studio and bring Austin along. When it had dragged on longer than expected Austin had understandably gotten bored and fussy. Tommy was sitting at the soundboard with Austin on his knee and when he pulled a mike out of his grip so that he couldn’t suck on it he started to wail. Adam and the technician looked up and frowned at them through the glass.
Tommy slid off the stool, deciding to take Austin for a walk. It was too crowded in the booth anyway and the air was getting stuffy. Austin craned his neck as they left the board; he was fascinated with all the flashing lights. Tommy caught Adam’s eye and gestured to him that they were leaving. A change of scenery would entertain Austin for a bit.
Tommy was walking down the corridor when he heard someone call out his name. He turned around and saw Doug, who he hadn’t seen in years, and he smiled immediately. Doug had been there when they’d first made it, working at a lot of the early shows around LA for both Adam and Monte. He’d been a good guy and unfortunately one of the many people Tommy had lost track of along the way.
“Hey, Doug,” Tommy grinned. “How are you, man?”
“I’m good, Tommy Joe,” Doug told him, “Jesus, it’s been a long time.”
They stood smiling at each other a moment before Doug looked down at Austin and asked, “Who is this?”
“Um, this is my son, Austin.”
“Really?” Doug asked in surprised. “Wow.” Tommy had assumed word had travelled by now but obviously not to everyone, at least not Doug.
“Yeah,” Tommy told him, holding Austin on his hip.
“So, what are you doing here?”
“I’m, um, here with Adam. He’s working on his album. They’re doing some of the vocal tracks right now so I thought I’d walk Austin around a bit and see if he’d nap.”
Doug looked down at them a moment and scratched the back of his neck thoughtfully.
“Why don’t you come with me and I’ll show you the lunch room. I don’t think anyone’s around this late. I’ll see if there’s any coffee and we can catch up.”
“Yeah, that would be cool,” Tommy agreed. “As long as you don’t have anything you need to do.”
“Naw, I’m done for the day.” Doug paused and put his hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “It’s good to see you, buddy. It’s been too long.”
Tommy followed him to a staff room with sort of a kitchen and furnished with scattered couches. The walls were covered in tour posters and there was a rack of guitars in the corner. Doug put on some coffee and Tommy dug through his bag for a blanket, laid it out on the floor and put Austin down on his back.
“There you go, Auss,” Tommy told him. “Stretch out for a bit.”
Austin made burbling noises and tried to roll over while Tommy searched for a bottle in the jumble of things his backpack. He found one of the ones he’d prefilled with powdered formula and went to the fridge looking for some water. He found some bottled water and filled the baby bottle and shook it so that the powdered formula mixed in. When he was done he noticed Doug staring at him.
“That really is your kid, isn’t it? Doug asked. “I thought you were pulling my chain.”
Tommy laughed. “Yeah, he’s mine alright. I’m not shitting you.”
“Why are you babysitting? Where’s his mom?” Doug asked.
“There is no mom,” Tommy told him. “Not involved at all. Austin’s mine, well, and Adam’s.”
“You and Adam...?”
“Yeah. We’ve been together for a while. Since before Austin was born.”
“Wow,” was all Doug had to say. Tommy had to give him credit; he didn’t even blink over that one.
They sat down on one of the couches and watched as Austin managed to roll himself over onto his stomach and squealed. Tommy leaned over and rolled him back again, laughing, and Austin rolled on his belly again.
“Looks like a good game,” Doug commented.
Tommy rolled Austin onto his back again. “Yeah. We’re not looking forward to when he figures out how to crawl. At least we don’t have any stairs at Adam’s place.”
Doug nodded thoughtfully and then looked up at him. “You look really good, Tommy. How are you doing? What’s it like being a dad?”
“It’s great,” Tommy answered immediately. “Austin is amazing. I’m glad to be working again, you know, playing. Not sure about touring for a while but we’ll work something out.”
“And Adam? How’s he coping with having a baby around? Cause I can’t really see it,” Doug admitted.
Tommy rolled Austin back again and smiled when he waved his hands around excitedly. “He’s doing okay. We were both zombies for a while after Austin was born, but he sleeps better now, and we’re making it work. We’re finally getting our minds back a bit.”
Doug got up to pour them both a cup of coffee and then came back and handed one to Tommy.
“Yeah, well, you look good, maybe a bit tired.”
“Yeah. It’s hard getting back into working. He’s keeping us both pretty busy,” Tommy said, gesturing down at Austin. “We’re going to hire a nanny soon.”
“Jesus,” Doug laughed. “A baby and a nanny. Hard to picture. So much for rock and roll.”
Tommy laughed again and bent down to pick up Austin and gave him his bottle. He took it eagerly and soon they were both laughing at the furious sucking noises he produced. The bottle looked like it was about to implode from the negative pressure.
“Fatherhood seems to agree with you,” Doug told him. “You seem happy; happier than I’ve seen you in a long time, since we first met really.”
Tommy considered. “Yeah, I probably am.” He looked down at Austin, eyes shut, still feeding, one tiny hand clutching rhythmically at Tommy’s t-shirt. He could never help but smile when he saw his son like that, trusting in him so completely.
Doug took a sip of coffee. “I have to say, the last few times I saw you Tommy, I was worried about you.”
Tommy looked in surprise. “Why?”
“You were drinking a lot, and using a lot of drugs. I was a bit concerned. I even talked to Monte about it a couple times.”
Tommy shrugged. “Everyone drank, Doug. And we all did a few drugs. It was just part of the scene, you know?”
“I know, I know,” Doug admitted. “It’s just seemed to me that you needed it, enjoyed it a bit more than the rest of us. You seemed to be getting a bit out of control.”
Tommy nodded. He couldn’t really disagree. After all, it was that kind of risky behaviour that had resulted in Austin in the first place, although he’d never regretted that part for a moment.
“Yeah, I was. You’re right. But I’m good now. We both are. Seems like a different life.”
“You don’t miss it?”
“Nope,” Tommy assured him. “Not at all.” Austin had finished his bottle and was dozing off so Tommy pulled it gently from his mouth and put it down. He spoke quietly so as not to jolt him awake.
“I was never into the whole club scene, really. It’s not my thing. And Adam’s not into it anymore either,” Tommy laughed. “Can’t be, we’re too tired. We can hardly stay up past 11:00 now.”
Doug laughed and Tommy checked his watch, trying not to disturb Austin. “I think I better get going. Adam must be just about done by now and I should get Austin in his car seat so he can sleep.”
“Sure, man,” Doug said as he got up. “Say hi to Adam for me.”
“I will.”
****************************
Adam and Tommy exchanged glances as the front door closed behind the latest applicant for the position as nanny. “Not a chance,” Adam said.
“No way,” Tommy agreed, arms across his chest and shaking his head firmly.
They’d decided to hire a nanny to give them more time to work although neither of them had any intention of stepping down from their parenting duties. It was just as much to free up Neil, Dia and Leila so they could get back to their own lives. Tommy and Adam figured the nanny could come to the studio with them and watch Austin there.
Adam had called Rita for advice and she’d put them in touch with a highly recommended agency who agreed to send them some nannies to chose between. They wanted to find one who would fit in with their lifestyle but it was proving to be more difficult than they’d realized. They’d been interviewing candidates all morning without any luck.
So far they’d had a middle aged woman who eyed the two of them disapprovingly when she realized they were a couple, a wide eyed kid who looked like she’d really come for an autograph, and a prim matronly woman who taken one look at the messy apartment and asked if they had a housekeeper. She’d also glared at Tommy so sternly when he’d put his feet up on the coffee table that he’d pulled them off immediately. She’d scared the crap out of him.
Tommy picked Austin up from where he was lying on the floor on his blanket. “How hard can it be to find a nanny for such a great baby?” he asked him, and Austin give him a gummy smile back.
He shook his head and turned to Adam. “And this is the agency Rita recommended. Imagine if we were trying to weed out the crazy stalkers too.”
“Seriously,” Adam agreed.
Tommy handed Austin to him and said “I’ll go to make more coffee. How many more are there?”
“I think there’s one more to interview this morning.”
The phone rang and Tommy went for it wearily. “That’s probably her now.” He answered and told the doorman downstairs to send up their last interviewee before he headed to the kitchen. There was a knock at the front door before the coffee maker was done and he opened it to greet the next prospective nanny.
She was wearing the same pale green and white uniform as the other applicants, and Tommy took in her short spiky hair, the tiny dimples on her face where she obviously usually wore piercings, and the tattoo that peeked out above the neckline of her uniform, and grinned at her. When he saw the industrial in her left ear he realized he liked her immediately.
The woman held up a photo ID card for Tommy to check and smiled back at him. “Hi, I’m Jane,” she told him.
Tommy stepped back and waved her in. “Come on in, Jane.”
Adam looked up from where he was sitting with Austin on his knee and his eyes widened when Tommy led Jane into the family room. He broke into a smile though when she knelt down in front of him and Austin and said, “You must be Austin.” She stroked Austin’s cheek with her finger and he smiled too.
Austin gurgled contentedly, and Tommy exchanged a glance with Adam. It looked like they might have found their nanny. She wasn’t conventional but then neither were they. Tommy’s opinion of her rose further when she shifted a pile of folded laundry over on the couch to make room to sit and flopped down at one end for the interview.
Jane had no experience with being a nanny but she loved kids and had helped raise her younger brothers and sisters. She’d moved down to L.A. to start over after a bad breakup with her girlfriend. When she told them she sang in a band Tommy knew that she’d won Adam over. They spent the rest of the interview talking about music.
When Jane had left, Adam said, “A lesbian nanny, why didn’t we think of that?” He started to laugh, “It makes sense. We ask the agency for a nanny who is comfortable with two men raising a child, they send us Jane. What do you think?”
Tommy grinned back at him. “She’s cool. I liked her.”
“Should we give her a try?” Adam asked.
“Why the hell not? She sure beats the one who looked like she ran a concentration camp.”
****************************
Sutan was in town, home from filming in New York, and he’d asked Tommy and Adam out for dinner at a Mexican place they all loved. Tommy had suggested he and Adam come on their own; that Austin could stay home with Jane, but Sutan would have none of it.
The restaurant was busy and colourful and not at all stuffy; a good fit for a loud and easily bored baby. Adam was taking his turn with Austin, carrying him around, showing him the tacky piñata’s and sombrero’s used as decoration, while Tommy and Sutan sipped a margarita’s and caught up.
The first thing Sutan had done was look Tommy up and down and shake his head disapprovingly. “You’re not my beautiful Tommy anymore.”
“Yeah. I know,” Tommy agreed, running his hand happily over the stubble on his face, trying not to sound too relieved. “I’m a guy again, thanks to the hormones.”
“Shame, “ Sutan pouted. “You made a gorgeous woman.”
“Thanks, but it wasn’t me. Sorry man.”
“Aw, well. C’est la vie,” Sutan shrugged. “You missed your calling though, baby. You could be a fierce drag queen if you wanted to.”
Tommy fought not to shudder. He had nothing whatsoever against drag, had been intrigued by it at one point, he was no longer interested at all. He’d resigned himself to being a woman while he had to; found it quite interesting, enlightening at times, but once had been enough. He was a guy; there was no getting around it, from the beer drinking, to the video games, to the slovenly habits. Being pregnant hadn’t changed any of that.
“So, baby, what’s new?” Sutan asked him.
Tommy shrugged. “Working on the album. Looking after Austin.”
Sutan put down his drink and looked at him speculatively. “And I see that involves Adam as well?”
Tommy ducked his head and smiled, running his finger through the circle of moisture left by his glass on the table. He’d known from the start that this was going to be a check up visit from Uncle Sutan.
“Yeah, it does. We’re still together, we’re doing this together, I’m living with Adam at his condo.” Tommy smiled more broadly. “We’re talking about getting a house together. We’ll probably start looking once the album’s finished.”
Sutan leaned back. “So this is a permanent arrangement now?”
Tommy nodded. “Yeah. I hope so, at least.”
“And Adam?”
“He wants to too. He says he loves me.”
Sutan frowned. “Now baby, why do you say that as if it’s so hard to believe?”
Tommy shrugged again. “I guess it just takes some getting used to. It’s not like we’ve have a lot in common.”
“You have plenty,” Sutan assured him. “It just took the two of you longer than anyone else to see it, that’s all. And you have a beautiful baby together now too. That’s important.”
Tommy chuckled. “You’re telling me. No matter how much Adam manages to piss me off, I can’t imagine looking after Austin by myself. No fucking way.”
Sutan laughed. “My sister told me the same thing. How is Adam being?” he asked, glancing to where Adam was standing across the room in front of a huge fishbowl that Austin seemed fascinated with. “Is he treating you good? Is he being sweet to you?”
Tommy took another drink. “He’s been awesome. Better than I ever expected him to be. Everyone keeps telling me how much he’s changed.”
Tommy frowned as he said it. It made him sad; he hadn’t realized how much Adam had alienated himself from his friends and family in the last few years as his career went supernova. He hadn’t realized everyone else thought Adam was an overbearing and irritating asshole too, not just he and the rest of the band.
The worst part was that some of it was unfounded. Tommy had learned that it had been Adam’s defence mechanism to guard himself against the users and to shore up the self doubt and fears about not being as great as his people told him he was. The last few years had been lonely for Adam; it was ironic that they were also when he’d had the most success.
“He has changed, but not that much,” Sutan agreed. “I think he just forgot who he was for a while there. I’m glad the old Adam is back.”
“Me too.”
Sutan looked at him intently for a moment and Tommy knew he had something more on his mind. Finally he asked, “What?”
Sutan sighed. “Okay, Tommy. I’ve got something I want to say,” he started, “and don’t you dare roll your eyes at me,” he added as Tommy began doing just that.
“I gave Adam the same talk when I was out at the beach and now it’s your turn.”
Tommy shifted uneasily in his chair but resignedly gave Sutan his full attention.
“Okay,” Sutan smiled. “I’m glad you two are together. I just hope you realize how serious this is for Adam. I don’t want to see him get hurt.”
“I know that,” Tommy told him abruptly.
“Well, good.” Sutan leaned back in his chair and then glanced across the room at Adam again.
“I’ve known him a long time. I’ve seen a lot of boyfriends come and go and each time it’s taken something out of him. He puts on a good face but.......”
Tommy nodded silently. Adam had as much as said it himself when he expressed his fear that the celebrity spotlight would prove too much for Tommy.
“He’s like one of those fucking animals that mates for life. It almost finished him when he and Brad broke up. I don’t want to see that happen again.”
Tommy sighed. “Don’t you think I know that?” he snapped. “I think about it, believe me. I don’t ever want to hurt him.”
Tommy took a long drink and then put his glass back and ran his fingers distractedly through his hair before he spoke anymore.
I know I’ve been pretty shitty at relationships but I really want this one to work. I want it to last. Not just for Austin. For all of us.”
Sutan smiled across at him and nodded. “Well, I’d say that’s a good start,” he assured Tommy. He looked across the room and said, “It looks like they’re on their way back.”
They both looked up when Adam got back to the table with Austin. Sutan held out his hands and told him, “let me have him, Adam. Look at your menu, Tommy and I already know what we want. I’m starving.”
Sutan’s eyebrows rose when Adam ordered loaded nacho’s to share and chilli rellanos for his lunch. When Tommy ordered a fiesta salad he started to laugh.
“What?” Adam asked him once the waitress had left.
Sutan shook his head. “I never thought I’d see the day Tommy was eating healthier food than you, Adam.”
“I’m hungry,” Adam told him peevishly.
Sutan snorted and told him “you better watch it or you’re going to put on weight,” and although Tommy knew he was just joking he cringed inside. Adam had already put on weight and was damn touchy about it. Tommy had mentioned the two of them joining a gym and Adam had been so offended that Tommy had dropped the subject immediately.
Adam frowned but didn’t respond angrily as Tommy had feared he might. He only had a sip of his drink and shrugged. “It’s too late. I already have. Heavier than I’ve been in years,” he admitted.
“It’ll come off,” Tommy assured him. “When you’ve got more time to work out it’ll be easier. It’s not a big deal.”
“Easy for you to say,” Adam told him glumly. Tommy had managed to lose all the weight he’d gained while pregnant without doing anything.
Sutan smiled at the two of them and then went back to amusing Austin by making faces at him. Austin grabbed a spoon off the table and immediately started to suck on the end of it. Sutan let him have it and Adam made to object until Tommy and interjected.
“It’s clean,” he assured Adam. “Just let him have it.”
Happily Adam dropped the subject and they both listened while Sutan told them all about the drag review he’d been hosting in New York City for the past few months. At one point Tommy slid Sutan’s margarita further from Austin’s grasping fingers, thus avoiding disaster, and eventually the waitress brought their nacho’s.
Tommy held out his hands, “Here, I better feed him before lunch comes. I’ll take him.”
When the rest of the food came Tommy picked away at his salad while Austin pummelled him on the side of the head with his spoon. Adam only ate half of his lunch before offering to take Austin and let Tommy eat in peace. They were getting good at trading off.
Luckily they’d all finished and the waitress had cleared the table when they were suddenly aware of ominous sounds coming from Austin and a very concentrated look on his face. Even Sutan knew what it meant.
Tommy reached for the diaper bag under the table immediately, knowing Austin would need to be changed, and Adam slid his hand into the back of their son’s pants to check his diaper and confirm their fears that he wasn’t just wet. When Tommy sat back up Adam had a disgusted look on his face.
“What?” Tommy asked him.
Adam just shook his head.
“Does he need to be changed?” Tommy asked him, diaper bag at the ready.
Adam just nodded, not saying anything at first. Finally he told Tommy grimly, “It’s really bad.” He was tight lipped when he spoke and already getting up to head for the restroom. He looked as if he was about to gag.
Tommy was up immediately as well, turning to Sutan and explaining, “We’ll be right back. This sounds like a two man job.”
He could hear Sutan laughing all the way across the room and Tommy was thankful that he’d had the foresight to bring a change of clothes for Austin. He steeled himself for what was about to come. It didn’t seem quite right that the lives of a couple glamorous rock stars involved this kind of thing.
*********************************
Adam had left already for the office so Tommy and Neil were kicking around the apartment for the morning. It was Jane’s day off. Austin had discovered that he liked sitting in his exersaucer so the hideous thing was dragged into the center of the living room and finally earning its keep.
When Tommy got out of the shower Neil was hunched over his laptop cackling about something and Austin was squawking because he’d tossed all his toys off the tray that surrounded him. Tommy stooped to pick some of them up and put them back within reach and then turned to Neil.
“Hey, are you going out this morning?”
“No, not until this afternoon. Why?”
“I’ve got to run down to the lawyer’s office to pick something up,” Tommy told him. Can you watch Austin for a while?”
Neil looked at him suspiciously, clearly wondering how long a while was.
“An hour, max,” Tommy assured him.
“Has he been changed this morning?”
Tommy sighed, “Yes, Adam did before he left.”
Neil wavered. “When did he last eat?” he asked. Neil hated changing dirty diapers fiercely, not that any of them were crazy about it. When Tommy started to tell him to fuck off Neil held up his hands and relented. “Okay, okay, it’s fine. I’ll watch him. I’m just giving you a hard time.”
Neil turned to Austin who was now sucking on one of his chew toys as Tommy called them, the only one left within reach. “What do you say buddy? Want to spend some quality time with your favourite uncle?” he asked.
“You’re his only uncle, Neil.”
“Details,” Neil shrugged, gathering up the toys scattered around where Austin had again thrown them. His latest phase seemed to be actively studying cause and effect.
“Okay, there are bottles in the fridge. You know where all the diaper stuff is,” Tommy began running over the usual checklist.
Neil shook his head. “I’ve done this before. Jesus, you’re getting as bad as my brother.”
Tommy laughed while he put on his boots. “Sorry, man. I’ll leave you to it.” He waved goodbye to Austin and took off. There was something he’d meant to take care of for a while now. He was only sorry it had taken him so long.
**********************************
Earlier in the week Tommy and Adam had run into Carmen once more and it was that chance meeting which had prompted Tommy to action. It was probably inevitable that their paths would cross again. Carmen was on the same label as Adam and its office shared the same building as Adam’s management company.
Adam had been delayed with Rita so Tommy had taken a bored Austin down to the lobby. They’d been waiting there when Carmen came out of the elevator. She was by herself and came right over when she saw them.
“Hey, Tommy,” she smiled easily, looking at Austin. “Wow, he’s grown!”
“Hi, Carmen,” Tommy replied. “Yeah, bigger all the time.”
They chatted a few minutes, Carmen telling him what she was up to, doing most of the talking as usual. Some things never changed. Finally she paused a moment and hesitantly asked Tommy, “Do you think I could hold him?”
“Um, sure,” Tommy told her, slightly surprised at the request. Carmen had never struck him as being into babies. She was far too career oriented for anything too domestic.
Austin was happy with the arrangement, quite fascinated with Carmen’s huge earrings and long wavy hair. Tommy struggled to keep her jewellery safe and her hair away from his grasping fingers while they spoke. He was laughingly pulling some her hair out of Austin’s mouth when they heard the elevator arrive at the lobby.
Adam was smiling when he stepped out but when he recognized who was holding Austin his face dropped. Tommy noticed his dark look and immediately took Austin back. Carmen gave him up willingly; probably tired of having her hair pulled anyway but when she greeted Adam she only managed a slight smile. Adam was equally frosty when he responded and they made awkward goodbyes before leaving quickly in opposite directions.
Adam was so quiet on the drive home Tommy finally asked him, “Are you okay?”
Adam looked across and shrugged but said nothing before he turned back to the traffic ahead. Okay, that wasn’t like Adam at all and Tommy tried to think of what to say. He knew it was seeing Carmen with Austin that had struck a nerve.
“It was Carmen, wasn’t it?” he asked.
“It’s no big deal,” Adam told him tightly, his tone indicating that it kind of was.
Tommy said no more about it, but he’d decided right then that he needed to get off his ass and get going with the adoption. He still had issues with long term planning but one thing he was certain of was that Adam needed to know that Austin was his, no matter what the hell else happened, hence the morning trip to the lawyers office.
That night Tommy waited impatiently for Adam to return. He’d been out all day and held up with a late meeting. It was almost 10:00 and Tommy was beginning to wonder where the hell he was. Neil had obligingly gone out now but their evening alone was pretty much shot, not that Austin would have cooperated anyway. He was getting a tooth and it was making him more irritable than usual.
He was in no mood to be left to his own devices; screaming bloody murder whenever he was put down so Tommy had been spending the evening carrying him around on his hip while he cleaned up. He’d given Austin a frozen teething ring in the hopes that it would help but with no success; he kept tossing it to the floor until Tommy finally gave up. He could feel a killer headache coming on.
When Adam finally got in Austin had collapsed in an exhausted sleep after his bottle, sprawled in Tommy’s arms, completely relaxed and looking like a ragdoll. Tommy was on the couch watching a movie and Adam sat down wearily beside him. He looked exhausted and Tommy fought down his resentment over having to deal with a miserable baby alone.
He almost suggested that Adam take a couple days off but thought better of it. Monte had dared the same suggestion a few days before and it was not well received. As much as Adam kept saying he would take it easy, once he was immersed in a project it was full speed ahead.
“How was your day,” Tommy finally asked, quietly hoping he wouldn’t wake Austin.
Adam shrugged and rubbed his eyes. “Okay, I guess. The label’s still not happy with the tracks. We’re going to try something different next week. Sorry I’m so late.” He stretched his arms above his head and yawned, “Shit, I’m tired.”
Adam turned to Austin where he lay and gently reached over and squeezed a sleeper clad toe. His cheeks were flushed from teething and he drooled a bit in his sleep. “How’s he been?”
Tommy shook his head and felt another wave of self pity well up. “Not good. He’s been screaming his lungs out all night.”
“Have you given him Tylenol?”
“Yes. Believe me. As much as I could.” Tommy leaned his head back on the couch and shut his eyes.
“Using the teething ring?”
“Yes,” Tommy gritted out, trying to keep the irritation from his voice. “He won’t touch it.”
“What about the Ambesol my mom brought over?”
“Oh yeah, tried that too.”
Adam sighed, out of ideas. “Jesus, maybe we should try rubbing rum on his gums like your gramma said?” he chuckled.
Tommy turned his head and finally smiled at Adam. “If there’s going to be any alcohol used, believe me, I’m getting first dibs.”
“I hear you.”
Tommy gingerly sat up and held the still sleeping Austin out to Adam, careful not to jostle him awake. “Here. Take him a minute. I want to get something,” he told Adam.
“I was just going to jump in the shower,” Adam protested, and Tommy frowned in warning.
“I’ll just be a second,” he told him. His head ached and he wasn’t in the mood for any sort of attitude from Adam, no matter what kind of fucking day he’d had.
Adam said no more, accepting the sleeping baby resignedly. When Tommy got back with his papers Adam was half-heartedly watching the movie Tommy had on. It was one of the Friday the Thirteenth series.
“I don’t know why you watch this shit,” Adam muttered grumpily and Tommy’s head started to pound even more. He pressed his lips together, resisting the urge to say something he might regret. He put a file folder down on the couch between them and lifted Austin out of Adam’s arms before sitting down himself.
Adam looked at the folder with pursed lips and then turned back to Tommy with a puzzled look. “What’s that?” he asked.
Tommy leaned across and flipped it open, showing Adam the stack of legal documents. “I know we talked about it a bit before he was born, but I want to make it official. It’s just been so crazy that I haven’t had a chance to do it until now.”
Adam picked up the papers and leafed through them without saying anything. Tommy pressed on.
“They’re the adoption papers,” he explained. “I want, I mean I’d really like it if you would adopt Austin, like we talked about.” Tommy looked up at Adam. “That way, if anything were to ever happen to me, or to us, then he’d be yours too. It would be official.”
“Nothing’s going to happen,” Adam told him, a note of what sounded like irritation in his voice.
Tommy sighed. “I know. I just want to be sure. He’s as much yours as mine, Adam. I want it to be all legal. You know?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“So, you’re going to?”
Adam continued to read the legal papers, flipping slowly through them without saying anything. He didn’t look as happy as Tommy would have liked; he’d thought Adam would be thrilled at the idea. The fact that Adam hadn’t even smiled irked him more than he wanted to admit.
“Or don’t you want to anymore?” Tommy found himself asking, immediately wishing he hadn’t when Adam looked up guiltily.
Adam’s eyes flashed. “Of course I do,” he shot back. He leaned back and sighed, rubbing his eyes some more. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m just really tired and it was kind of a shitty day at the studio.”
When he looked up at Tommy his eyes were shadowed with fatigue and he looked like he was feeling sad more than anything else. “What do I have to do?” he asked Tommy.
“Sign all these,” Tommy told him. “I’ve already signed. And then we can just drop them back off with the lawyers and they’ll take care of it.”
“Okay. I’ll do it in the morning,” he smiled wanly. “I just really need a shower and some sleep. Don’t get up,” he told Tommy as he stood. “I’ll put them on the table.”
“Thanks,” Tommy told him.
It was standard practise. When Austin was finally asleep on nights like these, nothing, and no one, under pain of death, was to disturb him. Tommy would sometimes gladly hold him until his arms went numb just to enjoy the silence it brought.
Tommy watched the end of his movie while Adam showered. He didn’t come back out when he was done, instead just waving tiredly to Tommy as he headed to the bedroom. Tommy sat for a while with Austin before he put him in his bed, thinking about Adam’s lack of enthusiasm over the adoption papers.
Granted, he could have probably have chosen a better time to bring it up, not when he was frazzled and Adam tired was preoccupied with work. But shit, a little more enthusiasm would have been nice. The whole thing had been anticlimactic and more than a little unsatisfactory.
When Tommy finally slipped into bed Adam was dead to the world. He slid in close and Adam threw an arm over him, unconsciously pulling him in. Tommy lay there enjoying the radiating warmth but it was still a long time before he finally fell asleep.
*****************************
The next morning Tommy slept late. When he finally got up and pulled on some clothes Jane was sitting on the living room floor watching a Baby Einstein DVD while Austin lay on his blanket and tried to fit the head of his rattle inside his mouth. Tommy felt a pang of regret when he realized Adam wasn’t there; he felt like he needed to talk to him about the night before.
“Morning, Tommy,” Jane greeted him. “Sleep in?”
“Yeah,” Tommy agreed. “I couldn’t sleep last night,” he explained which a yawn. He checked the clock and saw that it was already eleven.
“Well, I just made some coffee so help yourself,” she told him as she turned back to the DVD.
“You enjoying that?” Tommy asked as he went to get a cup.
Jane kept her eyes glued to the screen as she answered. “Yup, getting smarter every day.”
Once he’d poured some coffee Tommy went and sat down, cross legged, beside Austin on the floor and watched as he threw himself over onto his stomach so that he could get closer to the rattle that he’d managed to toss just out of his reach. Tommy moved the offending toy a little closer and smiled as Austin struggled to push himself up on his arms, pull his knees under himself, and crawl. He wasn’t far off.
He looked up when he heard Jane laughing. “That’s cruel,” she told him as they both watched Austin trying to work himself closer to his toy.
Tommy chuckled. “Just trying to give him some motivation,” he assured her. “He’s almost got it, hasn’t he?”
“Yeah,” Jane agreed. “He’ll be crawling any day now.”
Jane turned to Tommy and he watched as she looked him up and down with pursed lips and started to shake her head at him.
What?” he asked.
“How many days in a row have you worn that t-shirt, Tommy?” she laughed.
He looked down at his favourite Metallica shirt and frowned. Okay, so maybe it was showing a few signs of wear, a bit faded, a couple ripped seams maybe, but there was nothing really wrong with it? It was fine for around the house, for fuck’s sake.
“I don’t know,” he admitted as he gave one of his pits a discrete sniff to see if maybe it did need to go into the wash. “Why?”
Jane laughed. “We started a poll. We’re all betting on how many days you wear it.”
“Who did?” Tommy demanded, although he knew Neil would be involved. The number of days Tommy would wear the same clothes was a running joke with Neil although Tommy didn’t really see what the big deal was. He wasn’t really fussed most times with what clothes he wore.
“Neil, Adam and I,” Jane confirmed. “Well, and Leila too,” she added.
Tommy scowled at her. That Neil was involved didn’t surprise him at all, he’d undoubtedly organized it, and of course Adam and Jane would join in, but he hadn’t expected Leila to participate. Damn it, that one smacked of betrayal.
Tommy tried to look offended and asked, “So, what’s everyone betting?”
“Well, Leila and I are giving you the benefit of the doubt. She said three days and I said five.”
Tommy raised his eyebrows. Had he really? That long? Maybe he should pay a bit more attention to his clothes rotation? “And Adam?” he asked resignedly.
“He said a week, easy,” Jane confirmed and then quickly added, “But Neil’s holding out for two weeks. He really thinks you can do it.”
Tommy snorted. Assholes. “Speaking of the Lambert boys, where are they?” he asked. It was Saturday morning after all, usually a day that everyone could be counted on to hang around home.
“Leila made them go with her to test drive the car she’s thinking of buying,” Jane told him. “They didn’t look very excited about it. You’re lucky you slept in. She wanted you to go too.”
That was indeed fortunate, Tommy silently agreed. He wasn’t really into cars; as long as they started and got you from A to B they were fine by him. Neil was quite savvy about vehicles and also a good negotiator but the thought of taking Adam along was pretty funny. Adam knew as little about cars as Tommy did, the only difference being that he thought he knew more than he did.
Tommy laughed. “Glad I missed it.”
The DVD ended and Jane got up and stretched before looking down at Tommy.
“I was thinking I’d take Austin for a walk. Want to come?”
Tommy shook his head. He needed to make something for breakfast. His stomach was rumbling ominously.
“No, thanks. I’m going to hang around here. You guys go,” he told her.
“Suit yourself. Jane reached down, picked Austin up off his blanket and sat him on her hip. She turned to Tommy again.
“Adam said he’d be home by lunch time if you want to go the farmers market,” she told him. “Oh, and he said to tell you he left you a note on the table."
Tommy glanced at the table immediately but got up and helped Jane get packed up and Austin into the stroller first before reading. Once he’d seen the two of them off Tommy poured himself another coffee and found Adam’s note. It was on the table, sitting atop the signed adoption papers. Tommy picked it up and sat down on the couch, sipping his coffee before unfolding it.
Tommy couldn’t help but smile when he saw Adam’s larger than life handwriting. The note wasn’t very long.
”Sorry I was such a douche last night. I was in a bad mood. Of course I want to adopt Austin. I’ve signed all the papers. Love Adam.”
Tommy felt the tension he’d been feeling ever since Jane mentioned the note ease off slightly and he leaned back into the couch. But when he read the final line Tommy felt his stomach drop.
It said, “P.S., or we could always just get married.”
He’d concluded with a winkie face to imply he was joking and then signed off with his customary flourish.
Tommy put the note down on the coffee table and then stared at it as if he expected it to burst into flames, chewing on a nail as he thought. Adam WAS kidding, wasn’t he? Surely he was? But the more Tommy thought about it, the more Tommy realized that maybe he did. Maybe that was why he seemed kind of disappointed last night.
Tommy jumped up and started pacing around the apartment, his fingernail still in his mouth. The thought of getting married to Adam, though not as repugnant as when Carmen had always suggested it, still left him slightly panic stricken. He sat back down and picked up the note again, glancing at it once more to make sure he’d not misread the final line. Nope, it was still there.
Tommy got up again and got his phone from where he’d left it charging in the bedroom. He punched in the numbers for his mom and then listened as her phone went unanswered, finally going to voicemail. He left her a brief message, saying hi and asking her to call him back, before he dialled his sister’s number.
He almost sighed in relief when James picked up the phone after the second ring and after chatting briefly, passed the phone on to Lisa. There was bedlam in the background and Tommy waited while Lisa covered the phone and yelled some instructions before getting back to him in a quieter room.
“Hey, sweetie,” she said, “How are you doing? How’s Austin?”
“He’s good. Jane’s just taken him for a walk,” Tommy told her. “How are you guys doing?”
Lisa laughed. “Oh, you know. Same old thing. Busy. We’re just getting the girls ready for soccer.” She sounded a bit distracted.
Tommy nodded along and then asked, “Hey, do you have a couple minutes to talk?” He pulled his thumb from his mouth when he realized he’d bitten his nail down to the quick and waited for her answer.
Lisa hesitated a second and then Tommy heard her yelling something to James. She was back in a second and told him, “Okay, I’ve got James looking for their soccer cleats. I’ve got a bit of time before we have to leave. What’s up, Tommy?”
Now Tommy hesitated. He wasn’t sure where to start. He bit at his lip a moment before he began to tell Lisa about his conversation the night before with Adam.
“Um, I got the papers drawn up for Adam to adopt Austin,” he started. “And I asked him to sign them last night.”
There was silence on the other end of the line as Lisa waited patiently for him to continue. When no further info was forthcoming she finally demanded, “And?”
Tommy let out a breath and pushed on. “And he was kind of weird about it.”
“Weird in what way?” Lisa asked, now sounding slightly concerned.
“I don’t know,” Tommy continued helplessly. “He just seemed like he wasn’t that into it,” he tried to explain. “He seemed kind of, I don’t know, sad or pissed off or something.”
“Doesn’t he want to adopt Austin?” Lisa asked, sounding surprised. They’d all assumed he would adopt Austin; they’d talked about it quite a bit before he’d been born.
“No,” Tommy assured her. “He says he does.” Tommy sighed. He figured he was sounding like an idiot and tried to think of how to end the conversation quickly and just hang up.
“And so....” Lisa prodded. “Honestly, Tommy, getting anything out of you is like pulling teeth sometimes.”
Tommy almost groaned out loud. Damn it, he figured that he better finish what he’d started. He plunged on before he could chicken out. “And he left me a note this morning, you know, saying he was sorry for being a jerk last night.”
“And this worries you because....?” Lisa asked. She sounded now like she was trying not to laugh and Tommy cursed her under his breath.
“It wasn’t that part,” he told her testily, running his hand through his bangs in frustration. “At the end he joked, or at least I think he was joking, that we could always just get married. Except that the more I think about it, the more I think he wasn’t joking,” Tommy finally finished with a sigh.
Lisa didn’t say anything and Tommy cleared his throat impatiently. “What if he’s not?” he demanded. “What if he’s not joking about getting married?”
Okay, he could definitely hear Lisa laughing now at the other end of the phone and Tommy was just about to ask her what the fuck was so funny when she finally spoke.
“Yeah, I can see why you’re so upset,” she told him before breaking down into giggles.
“You’re laughing at me.”
It took Lisa a second to get herself under control. “I’m sorry, Tommy. I guess I just don’t know what the big deal is.”
“What do you mean?” Tommy asked her grumpily.
“Well, you love Adam, don’t you?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“And Adam loves you?”
“Yeah,” Tommy admitted grudgingly.
“And he loves Austin?” Lisa continued patiently, like she was trying to draw him a picture.
Tommy shut his eyes in exasperation. This was getting a bit repetitious. “Yes.”
“And he said in his note that you guys should get married?”
“Yes. That’s what I said,” Tommy told her curtly.”
“And you’re pretty sure he wasn’t joking?”
“Yes, Lisa.” Tommy was getting a bit exasperated. “Look, can you get to the point here?”
Lisa broke up in another round of laughter and he could hear her hiccupping into the phone while she continued.
“Well, I think there’s only one thing to do in this situation,” Lisa told him. “I think you two should probably get married.”
Tommy heard more laughing and then James in the background again, probably wondering what was so damn funny. There was a brief, muffled conversation and then Lisa spoke again.
“Look, Tommy. You’re my little brother, and I love you dearly, but honestly, sometimes you can be a complete dumb ass. What the hell is your problem?”
Tommy was taken aback. He gaped into the phone, fuming that Lisa was laughing at him in his time of crisis.
He sputtered into the phone. “Thanks, Lisa. I love you too.”
Lisa sighed. “I’m sorry, sweetie. But what’s got you so freaked out about getting married? You can now, you know? Laws have been changed.”
“I know,” Tommy sighed. “It’s just that I’ve never pictured myself getting married, you know? Carmen used to bust my ass about it and I’d tell her we were too young.”
Lisa was much more serious when she spoke again. “This is different though, isn’t it? It’s different than when you were with Carmen?”
“Yeah,” Tommy admitted, chewing down another fingernail.
“Tommy, everyone can tell. If any two people should get married it’s you two.”
Tommy thought about what Lisa was saying. The idea wasn’t making him quite as nauseous as it had earlier, although his palms were still sweaty with anxiety.
He tried to explain. “It just feels like it’s too soon, that I’m not ready.”
Lisa laughed easily. “Honey, you’re thirty six. You’re not getting any younger.”
“I know that,” Tommy huffed.
“Lots of people feel like that. It’s a big commitment. But I was a lot younger than you are when I got married. Jesus, I’d had two kids by the time I was your age.
Tommy nodded, “Yeah, I know.”
And really, he hadn’t thought it was weird when Lisa and James got married. He’d thought it was great. Maybe the thought of getting married himself wasn’t that preposterous after all?
“Well then, just think about it, Tommy. Okay?” Lisa pressed. "It sounds to me like Adam's feels ready. It's not really a crazy idea."
“Yeah, okay,” he agreed reluctantly.
The volume in the background shot up by many decibels and Tommy could hear his nieces yelling and Lisa telling them to be quiet. It was a couple minutes before she came back on.
“Look, Tommy, we’ve got to get going, okay?”
“Okay, sure.”
“So, you’re going to be okay?” she asked.
"Yeah, I'm good now."
Tommy heard some more urgent discussion at the other end of the line and then Lisa asked, “Can you say hi to the girls? They both want to talk to you.”
Tommy smiled. “Yeah, okay. Go ahead and put them on. Oh, and Lisa, thanks for listening, okay?”
“Sure, sweetie. Any time. And remember, just think about it, okay?”
“Yeah, I will,” Tommy told her before she put the kids on. He chatted with them easily, hearing how school was going and about their soccer teams before finally hanging up.
He sat back on the couch and shut his eyes, mulling over what Lisa had said to him. He suspected his mother would say pretty much the same thing and decided that maybe he wouldn’t bring it up when she called. He felt better already. The lump of anxiety that had settled in his stomach as soon as he'd read the words get married had eased off somewhat. He wasn't feeling nearly as panic striken, he just had some things he needed to think about.
Chapter Nineteen