(no subject)
Title: No Expectations - Chapter Eight
Author: firiel77
Word Count: 5835
Warnings: WIP, Mpreg
Rating: NC17
Pairings: Adam/Tommy
Summary: Tommy’s just feeling a bit off. Set about five years in the future. Adam is a Rock God. Tommy still plays guitar for him.
Beta: thrace_adams Whee, thanks so much for stepping in with the beta and the encouragement.
CreditThank you to chaosmanor for graciously agreeing to let me rework her wonderful story Thursday's Child in a different fandom; this fic is what inspired me to try mpreg which is saying something. I encourage everyone to read it. It can be found right here.
Disclaimer: This is fiction people.
Feedback: Sure. Let me know what’s working for you.
Authors Notes: I never thought I’d do it but this is a big old MPreg. Read if you dare. It’s also a WIP and I’m not sure where it will go yet although it will probably be fairly long and I’ve got quite a few chapters roughed out. I’ve just been seeing people pining for domestic fics and (gulp) babies so thought I’d give it a shot.
Thank you jashelle1 for the awesome banner and poster you did for my story. You’re the best
Previous Chapters Here
It took Tommy a minute to drag himself from sleep. It was early morning. He could tell because the air in the room was fresh and cool unlike how it would become later in the day. It was the last week of July and now high summer, one of the hottest and driest on record.
“Hey, time to get up Gitterbaby,” he heard Adam tell him. “Early start today I’m afraid. We have to go into town to see Dr. Frost, remember?”
Tommy opened his eyes and saw Adam sitting on the edge of the bed smiling down at him with his irritating, this is the best part of the day’s smile. Adam smoothed Tommy’s bangs back out of his eyes, ruffled his hair annoyingly and stood up.
“What time is it?” Tommy asked, his voice still raspy from sleep.
“It’s six. Why don’t you get into the shower and I’ll make us an omelette.”
Adam left and Tommy pushed himself out of bed. He’d forgotten that he had an appointment today for a visit to his obstetrician and an ultrasound scan. Dr. Frost had booked them the first slot of the morning so they could get in and out quickly to avoid notice, hopefully before the underground parking lot and offices at the medical complex started to fill up.
Tommy had taken to wearing only an oversize t-shirt to bed at night and he stripped it off and tossed it on the bathroom floor while he waited for the shower to warm up. He shook his head at the endearment Adam had used when he’d woken him. Glitterbaby, he hadn’t thought of that nickname in forever. It seemed like a million years ago. He pissed in the shower before he washed his hair, smiling to himself because he knew what Adam would think of him doing it.
When he was done he stood in the bedroom and tried to decide what to wear into town. He didn’t have much; his current wardrobe was limited. That was probably a good thing because he’d only been allotted three drawers in the dresser anyway. Adam had claimed the remainder of the drawers as well as the entire in closet for himself. Tommy had opened his mouth to protest when he’d been assigned his ration of space and then stopped to look at the meagre amount of things in his bags and decided they’d probably fit fine.
Adam had suggested that Tommy move into the master suite with him. He justified it with the fact that Tommy would be able to use the ensuite bathroom when he had to get up in the night to piss. They both knew that wasn’t the real reason but Tommy didn’t care; he just politely accepted and then moved his things into the larger room with Adam. He didn’t examine it too closely but he liked having Adam beside him at night.
He finally decided on a pair of Adam’s sweat pants, ones Adam sometimes wore lifting weights or running, and one of the large t-shirts Adam had bought him. None of his own clothes fit him anymore. The bulge was large enough, and Tommy’s pants so tight fitting anyway, that they were too uncomfortable pressing against the baby. Tommy liked to wear boxers or sleep pants around the house, things with lots of give and an elastic waistband. As an afterthought he grabbed a black hoodie and brought it out with him to the kitchen.
They ate breakfast quickly and prepared to leave. Tommy felt a flutter of nervousness; he’d not been out of the house in weeks. He held onto the railing as he went down the stairs to the garage on the ground floor. He felt different now, more weight in front, slightly out of balance, and always conscious of the second life he was carrying inside himself. When he reached Adam’s car he shrugged on his hoodie, zipped it up and got in.
Adam backed the car out of the garage and they both blinked when the bright sunlight hit them. Tommy put on a pair of oversize sunglasses, Adam did the same and then glanced across at Tommy and noticed what he was wearing.
His eyebrow quirked at the sight but all he said was, “You might not need a coat. It’s going to be really hot again today.”
“I know,” Tommy replied mildly.
He braced himself for further comment on what he’d chosen to wear but there was none. Adam was silent, obviously concentrating on the road as they cruised along the Pacific Coast Highway. Adam turned on the radio and immediately they heard Fever playing. The live album had been released as a greatest hits compilation and Adam, and the record company, had bowed to the fans demands and released Fever as one of the singles. Times had changed and Adam singing about his guy had finally been deemed acceptable to Middle America.
And the fans had been right. They’d released also released a couple songs from the last album as singles and they’d both done well but it was Fever that had rocketed to the top of the charts and stubbornly refused to give up number one all summer. The album too had gone viral, selling more copies than any other live album, ever. It was the hit of the summer and one couldn’t go anywhere, listen to any radio station without hearing Enter Sandman, Truth, Living It, or of course, Fever. Tommy listened while Adam sang along and then tipped his seat back a little and shut his eyes. He needed about three more hours of sleep.
When they reached Santa Monica and the traffic slowed, Tommy pushed himself back up and pulled his hoodie up over his head and tightened it around his chin. At the next light, when Adam looked across to check for traffic and noticed Tommy instead, he did a bit of a double take before starting to laugh.
Tommy regarded him sourly. “What?”
“I was just thinking that maybe I could make some calls and find you a burka,” he offered between bouts of giggling.
“I just don’t want to be recognized, okay?” he told Adam tightly.
“I know,” Adam admitted. “I just think dressing like that might draw even more attention, you know,” he explained gently. “People will see you and think you’re going to rob a bank or something. Seriously, you look like you’re in al-Qaeda.”
“Oh, fuck off,” Tommy told him, although his voice was mild when he said it.
They made it to the obstetrician’s office without incident and drove down into the underground parking. Tommy refused to take off his sunglasses even though the dimness inside made it almost impossible to see at first. They parked as close as possible and with Adam at point, watching for anyone who might see them, Tommy bolted from the car to the elevator.
When they slipped in Dr. Frost’s office was empty except for the receptionist and they were whisked into an exam room immediately. Dr. Frost didn’t say anything when she saw Tommy’s disguise but she started slightly and her mouth twitched once as if barely suppressing a smile.
“Hi, guys. Tommy, why don’t you take off your....coat,” she suggested, gesturing at the hook on the wall beside them. “You probably don’t need your sunglasses either.”
“Tommy’s thinking of becoming a terrorist,” Adam offered helpfully.
Dr. Frost had her head down, reviewing the chart so she didn’t notice the single digit Tommy had extended towards Adam. Adam saw it though and he smirked while they waited for the doctor to get back to them.
“So, how are you feeling?” Dr. Frost asked.
“Pretty good now. Not so tired.”
“Notice any changes?”
“Yeah. I feel the baby moving all the time now. We both can. It’s amazing.”
Dr. Frost smiled at Tommy’s excitement and Adam reached across and took his hand. She ran through the routine testing again, blood pressure, glucose and weight, and then asked Tommy to get on the ultrasound table and uncover his belly. Adam helped him up and he pulled up his t-shirt a bit self-consciously and inched his sweats down below the bulge.
“Ok, this is your eighteen week scan where I’ll be taking measurements of the baby to assess how well it’s developing. It’s quite comprehensive so it’ll take a while. Normally this is all done by one of my technologists but in cases like yours I like to do the scan myself.”
Tommy nodded and tried not to jump when she squeezed the gel on his belly. Adam sat on the other side of the ultrasound table and took his hand. Neither of them could see the screen so Tommy stared up at the ceiling at a poster and noticed one corner was coming unstuck. Whenever he looked over at Adam he found him watching him with a gentle smile and he’d smile back.
Dr. Frost ran the transducer over Tommy and pressed buttons with the other hand. Occasionally she’d ask him to stop breathing and there’d be a soft beep when she took an exposure.
“Ok, I’m measuring BPD, abdomen circumference, femur length. I take the values and compare them to each other and to the known gestational age to check that the fetus is growing adequately. These types of abdominal pregnancies tend to be more difficult so I’m expecting the fetus to be small although I’m sure it doesn’t feel small to you.”
Tommy had to agree. He wasn’t a big guy so sometimes, especially when the baby was rocking and rolling, it felt like there was a football in there.
“Now I’m assessing the brain, and then the face for congenital deformities. Everything looks good there. And now the heart. We look for any kind of defects there as well.” Dr. Frost’s brows knit in concentration as she moved the transducer around, trying for different angles. “Four chamber heart. Perfect.”
She scanned for another ten minutes and then finally pulled the screen around so that the two of them could see as well.
“Ok, show time. This is my favourite part. I’ll let you two have a look and try to get some baby pictures for your album. Hopefully junior will cooperate.”
Tommy craned his neck so he could see the monitor and Adam slid around closer. Dr. Frost scanned again and all of a sudden, there it was, a baby curled up in there. Tommy could see its legs drawn up, knees to its chest. There were toes, almost too small to see and fingers as well. Adam gasped when the fetus pulled one hand up to its mouth and sucked on its fingers.
“Jesus,” was all Tommy could say.
“Ok, here we go. Hold still you,” Dr. Frost told the baby on the screen while she made a series of exposures. She pressed a few more buttons and the printer in the corner of the room sprang to life. Tommy and Adam stared at the screen the whole time, transfixed by what they saw there. Tommy felt tears beginning to form and brushed them away without looking away from the screen.
“Do you want to know what sex it is? I can give you a best guess, although it’s not always completely accurate.”
“Really?” Adam said immediately. “Yeah, tell us.”
Just as quickly Tommy shook his head no and told her, “I’d rather wait and find out.”
It was kind of cheesy but Tommy wanted the surprise at the end. He waited for Adam to object, to try to change his mind, but he didn’t. He just looked at Tommy and nodded.
“Okay, no then,” he agreed and rested his hand on Tommy’s shoulder.
“Well, let me know if you change your minds,” Dr. Frost told them. “You’ll be having a few more scans from here on so there’ll be other opportunities. Have you seen enough for today?”
They both nodded although Tommy could have watched the screen, and their baby moving around in there, for hours.
“Alright then. Tommy, you can wipe yourself off and get up,” she told him as she handed him a towel. “I’ll just make some notes in your chart and then we’ll talk a bit more.”
Adam held out a hand and Tommy grasped it so he could be pulled to a sitting position. Adam steadied him as he slid down onto the floor and rearranged his clothing. They sat in the chairs in front of Dr. Frosts desk and watched as she typed away on her keyboard.
Finally, she turned to look at them. “Ok, everything looks good. The fetus is a little small for dates as I expected but well within range. It’s going to be growing more rapidly from now on so things are going to get more difficult, Tommy. Being male, your pelvis is not the preferred shape for accommodating a pregnancy; the baby is going to have to go somewhere as it grows. In my experience these babies are carried very high so you’ll probably be experiencing some shortness of breath later on.”
She looked at them frankly. “It’s also probably going to be quite painful at times, unfortunately. I’ll tell you that right now. The fetus is going to be putting a considerable amount of pressure on your internal organs as it grows.”
Adam took Tommy’s hand. “Is there anything you can do?”
“If it get’s bad enough I can prescribe a pain medication, but we don’t like to do that unless it becomes necessary.”
“No, no drugs. I don’t want to take any drugs,” Tommy insisted.
Adam looked somewhat dubious but didn’t say anything.
“Okay then. I’ll come out again in a couple weeks and see you at the house. Until then, just continue as you’re doing. Everything is progressing well. We’re all done so you can go now. I’ll have my receptionist call to tell you what day I’ll be out.”
Adam watched thoughtfully as Tommy pull up his hood and put on the sunglasses again. It wasn’t until they were in the car and on the road again that he spoke.
“You know I have an idea. I was thinking, maybe you could get your hair cut differently. People wouldn’t be able to recognize you as easily.”
Tommy thought about it a minute. Adam had a good point. Tommy’s bleached blonde, asymmetrical cut with the huge bangs was his trademark and stood out from a mile away. If he got it cut differently it would be easier to blend in, even to pass as a woman. He needed a trim anyway; his bangs were really starting to piss him off, especially in the heat.
“Yeah, maybe.”
Tommy chewed his lip and tried to think of who the hell he could get to give him a haircut until something caught his eye up the street.
“Whoa, Adam, up ahead, on the right.”
“What?”
“Pollo Loco.....yes, there’s a drive through. I need some mac and cheese right the fuck now!”
“It’s not even lunch time,” Adam objected. He sounded scandalized.
“Seriously, I’ll blow you right here in the car if you pull in!”
Adam didn’t say anything but Tommy smiled when he hit the brakes and put on the turning signal.
************************************
Tommy thought about Adam’s idea for a few days and finally decided that Sutan would be the person to approach. Adam wasn’t sure if he even cut hair much but they both figured that if anyone knew how to change someone’s identity it was him. Tommy had Adam call Sutan to see what he was up to and then put Tommy on the line.
Tommy found it a bit awkward talking to Sutan at first; the two of them hadn’t seen each other in a couple years although Sutan had heard about him being in rehab and was delighted to hear that Tommy was alright. Tommy made Sutan promise not to say anything until he was finished and started in on his long, strange story. There was stunned silence for a moment when Tommy finished.
“That’s unbelievable, baby!”
“Yeah, tell me about it,” Tommy agreed. “So will you come out and like, cut my hair for me? I really don’t want to go into town or anything.”
“Of course! What about this weekend?”
“Sure. That would be great.” It wasn’t as if Tommy had much of a social calendar.
“Is Adam going to be there?”
“Yeah, he’ll be here. He’s been sticking around pretty close.”
There was a tisk at the other end of the line. “That’s too bad. I thought we could have a girl’s weekend.”
Once they’d said their goodbyes and he had hung up the phone Tommy shook his head and wondered for a moment what he’d gotten himself into.
**********************************
Sutan showed up as promised on Saturday morning with a suitcase full of equipment. Adam had gone into town to have lunch with his mom and to meet with his management team and his agent. It was taking everyone at the office some time to adjust to Adam not overseeing each minute decision that was required to run his empire. They were doing fine but once in a while they needed a little direction and some feedback.
Sutan took one look at Tommy in his baggy t-shirt and boxers, at his now bulging belly and the pubescent breasts he was growing and pulled him into a hug. Tommy clung to him, not quite sure what to expect from his friend, afraid of looking him in the face and seeing revulsion.
“Oh honey. You should have told me sooner.”
“I know. I’ve just been kind of afraid of what people might say.”
“What could they say, baby? Look at you. It’s a fucking miracle! And shame on you! We’re life partners, you should have said something,” he scolded. He let go of Tommy and slapped him lightly on the shoulder.
“Yeah, life partners,” Tommy agreed. “Sorry man.”
“Well then, show me where to put my things and we’ll get started. What do you have in mind? Why don’t you go get your hair wet in the sink while I get ready?”
They sat on the deck with Sutan’s equipment spread around them. Luckily there was power available out there because besides scissors he’d brought out a blow drier, a curling iron, a flat iron as well as enough makeup to keep the Glam troupe going for a year.
“So, have you ever cut hair before?” Tommy asked nervously.
“Of course, baby! I’ve been practising on my sisters since I was twelve. Don’t worry. You’re in good hands,” he assured Tommy as he draped a cloak around his shoulders.
Sutan ran his hands through Tommy’s hair and considered it from several angles before picking up his scissors and starting. Tommy watched with alarm as long pieces fell to the deck around him and was thankful there was no mirror. He didn’t want to see it until Sutan was finished.
Sutan chatted while he clipped away at Tommy’s hair and when he was finished cutting he took up the blow dryer and brushed it out. When he was done he stood back and regarded his work critically and then tossed his fingers through Tommy’s bangs.
“There. Done,” he pronounced. “I like it. Let’s look in a mirror and see what you think.”
Tommy followed him into the bathroom and looked at himself in stunned silence. He looked like a different person. His hair was now his natural colour; all the blonde had been cut away. It was short on the sides and didn’t hide his ears but the shaved look was gone and his bangs now blended in with the rest so that he had a generic type of haircut. A woman’s haircut he realized.
And it wasn’t just the hair that was different. Tommy hadn’t looked at himself much in the mirror in the last while because, to be honest, he found it a little disturbing. Seeing himself now he realized that the whole shape of his face had changed. It was rounder and more filled in, his cheekbones no longer as prominent. With his hair shorter his eyes looked enormous and in this new context his lips seemed fuller than ever. The person looking back at him wasn’t Tommy Joe Ratliff anymore. It was the woman he might have been.
“Well, what do you think?” Sutan asked from behind him, beaming at his work, obviously pleased.
Tommy just stared at himself in the mirror at first and didn’t respond. “It’s just a bit of a shock, you know?” he finally said, shaking his head. He finally turned to Sutan who was starting to look a bit worried and smiled. “But I like the haircut. It’ll be really easy to look after, you know, in this heat.”
“Well good,” Sutan nodded, “Now come on back out, and let’s see what else I can do for you.”
Sutan talked Tommy into letting him pluck his eyebrows, never one of his favourite experiences, and then went on and applied a little make up. Tommy couldn’t help but smile at the familiarity of Sutan’s actions as he worked. It was like being on tour again. At one point Sutan looked at him quizzically and asked, “What are you thinking about, baby?”
Tommy smiled easily. “Just remembering how much fun we used to have. Doing our make up for the shows.”
“Yeah, those were good times, weren’t they?”
“Amazing times,” Tommy agreed. He suddenly found he had an emotional lump in his throat and had to blink back tears. “I’ve really missed you, man,” he told Sutan huskily.
Sutan gave him a big smile. “Me too, baby,” and then added more seriously, “Make sure you keep in touch though. Don’t be such a stranger.”
“Okay. I won’t,” Tommy assured him. He meant it. Looking back now, he had no idea why he’d let himself drift away from people he’d cared about so much.
Sutan wiped off his hands when he was done and told Tommy to come back inside. He had something else he’d brought out and wanted to show him. Tommy watched curiously while Sutan dug through his suitcase and then stepped back in horror when he turned towards him and held out a sarong.
“No fucking way. I’m not wearing a dress.”
“Wait, baby. Just listen a minute,” Sutan started, following Tommy as he edged out the door. “This will be perfect in the heat. Guys wear them in the tropics all the time. I love them. It will be nice and loose.”
Tommy looked at the pro-offered swath of bright fabric dubiously. He had to admit that even the t-shirts and shorts were too hot in this weather, especially now that they were getting so tight. Finally he sighed. What the hell. He took the sarong from Sutan and turned to go to his room.
“Do you want me to show you how to tie it?” Sutan asked.
Tommy turned back to him and glowered. “No,” he told his friend firmly. “I love you, man but there’s no way you’re seeing this body with no clothes on. No way in hell.”
Once Tommy had put on his sarong and they were sitting on the deck having a cold drink he had to admit Sutan was right. The sarong was much more comfortable than everything Tommy had been wearing lately. It wasn’t confining at all and as he sat back in his chair the breeze blew around his legs and cooled him off a little. He sighed at how much better it felt.
It was late afternoon and finally a little cooler when they heard Adam pull up in his car. Tommy could hear the grumbling vibration of the garage door opening from the deck and he wondered nervously what Adam would make of his new look. He stood up and waited uneasily for Adam to come out on the deck. He wasn’t comfortable dressed as a woman, not at all, despite Sutan’s reassurance that he looked good.
Adam’s reaction was dramatic. First he ran over and pulled Sutan into an enthusiastic hug which lasted a while and then finally he turned to Tommy. His mouth fell open. There weren’t many things that rendered Adam Lambert speechless but Tommy’s transformation was apparently one of them. Tommy gave him a dark look, afraid of what he’d say.
“If you say one fucking thing I’m out of here.”
Adam shut his mouth with an almost audible snap and pulled himself together. He smiled gamely at Tommy and hugged him before giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead. “It looks really good. You look nice. I like it,” he assured Tommy.
Tommy watched him suspiciously, looking for any sign that what he was saying was insincere. All he saw was concern and he rested his forehead on Adam’s shoulder.
“-And I bet it’s nice and cool,” Adam continued reassuringly.
Tommy nodded tensely and let out the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. He relaxed as Adam wrapped him in his arms and cradled his head against his chest with one hand. It was tough; cutting off his hair had been a big step for Tommy, as if shutting the door on a part of his life he’d never be able to get back to. He felt adrift.
“I don’t feel like I belong in the band anymore,” Tommy mumbled.
Adam rubbed Tommy’s back gently, soothingly, “of course you do. It’s only hair, it’ll grow back. You’ll always have a place in the band. I promise.”
He pressed another kiss to the top of Tommy’s head and then put his hand gently on Tommy’s chin, directing his face up so he could look at him. “It looks really good,” he repeated with an earnest smile and then waited for Tommy to smile back.
“Why don’t you guys sit back down? I’ll just go get myself a drink too and I’ll be right back.”
He paused to hug Sutan again for a second and enthused. “It’s GOOD to see you! I’m so glad you came out.”
*******************************************
They spent the evening, after they’d eaten the Thai food Adam had brought home, sitting on the deck and playing music. Tommy tried to play his guitar every day even though his changing shape made it awkward to hold. Adam always loved to sing; you couldn’t stop him. Sutan sat and listened companionably while they worked though their current numbers, starting and stopping in unison, smiling at each other when they got something in particular right, laughing when they blew it.
Later, while Tommy was having a shower, Sutan and Adam shared a bottle of wine. Adam had been trying to avoid drinking in front of Tommy; he didn’t think it was fair. Tommy had seen the bottle of wine Sutan had brought, one of Adam’s favourites, and told him to go ahead. He didn’t feel like drinking anyway.
Once Tommy left Sutan took the opportunity to light a cigarette as well. He exhaled and then turned his eye to Adam while he poured them both a glass of wine.
“So tell me Adam, what’s going on with you and Tommy? Are you two a couple?”
Adam took a sip of wine and put his glass down before he answered. “Right now we are. At least until after the baby’s born.”
“And what about after that?”
Adam shrugged and looked away. “I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it.”
Sutan watched him carefully over the rim of his glass. “What do you want, Adam? Do you want to be with Tommy?”
Adam swallowed a mouthful of wine. “Maybe. I like Tommy a lot.” He hesitated a little before continuing. “I just don’t know that it would work out.”
“Why not?”
Adam looked at him as if he was simple. “I don’t know, Sutan. Because he’s straight?”
Sutan snorted. “He doesn’t look very straight at the moment.”
“You know what I mean. Tommy’s an open-minded dude. He likes to experiment but he probably wouldn’t be interested in staying with me. Sure we’ve hooked up lots over the years, but he’s always had his bimbo girlfriends too.”
Sutan watched Adam a moment and then shook his head. “Adam, sometimes for such a smart man, you can be really stupid.”
He put out his cigarette and got up. “I’m going to have a shower too and go to bed.”
Adam sat on the deck, deep in thought, until the last of the wine was gone. Then he turned off all the lights, went to their bedroom, pulled off his clothes and slid in beside Tommy. The room was still overly warm, too warm for close contact, so Adam lay on his back next to Tommy and stared up into the dark while Tommy snored softly beside him. It took a while for him to fall asleep.
*************************************
August dragged on, one incredibly hot day after another. It was now the end of the month and the record heat showed no sign of abating. The hills above Malibu were on fire. Sometimes, when the wind was right, Tommy and Adam could smell the smoke from their deck and although the fires were far away they could still see them at night glowing in the distance.
Tommy often couldn’t sleep. The heat was partly to blame but it was mostly because the baby was pressing on his bladder and he had to get up to piss. The baby also seemed to come alive at night, was much more active, giving Tommy twinges of pain when it kicked. Adam claimed that whichever sex it was it has going to be a night owl like its father. Tommy had to agree.
He’d taken to getting up in the night and having a swim to cool off. If his insomnia was bad and he didn’t want his tossing and turning to disturb Adam he would slip out and float in the pool for a while. He felt weightless there, unlike how he was feeling the rest of the time.
One night he was just getting out and reaching for his towel when he noticed Adam was up too and standing in the doorway watching him in the moonlight. Tommy immediately made to cover himself up with the towel he’d left hanging on the railing.
“Don’t look at me,” he asked Adam.
“No, stay there, please,” Adam said softly, walking closer. “Let me see.”
Tommy stood there feeling self-conscious, reflexively shielding his nudity, while Adam looked at him intently. Tommy looked down at himself too. His belly was round now, and he kept a hand pressed against it, a familiar stance as he tried to guide the baby’s feet away from sensitive areas. He looked like a woman, genitals hidden in his pubic hair, breasts filling out more every day. He shuddered at having Adam see him like this.
“I’m turning into something you’re not even attracted to,” he said softly.
Adam shook his head, lips firmly together and reached out and took one of Tommy’s hands in his. Tommy pulled away from his touch and turned away so that he was staring out towards the sea. Adam stood at the railing beside him and didn’t say anything, giving Tommy some space, time to continue with his train of thought.
Tommy grasped the railing tightly while he decided what he wanted to say.
"I'm still me inside though. If you can't see that, then I shouldn't be here," Tommy said determinedly as if trying to convince himself more than Adam.
Hurt filled Adam's eyes. "Is that what you think of me?"
Tommy took a shuddering breath in and shook his head and then he was in Adam's arms. He could feel his throat tightening and once again he cursed the hormones that were overpowering his body and dragging his emotions out like this.
"No, not really,” he sighed. “I don’t even know why I said that."
Adam’s hands were on Tommy’s shoulders and he expected gentle words of reassurance and a comforting hug. Instead, he found himself pushed roughly back against the railing, and Adam’s mouth was hot against his ear as he ground himself against Tommy.
“I still want you,” Adam assured him. “After the baby is born, after you’re back to being you, I’m going to have you on your hands and knees and fuck you until you scream,” he promised. “I think you look amazing.”
Adam pressed his body against Tommy so he could feel how hard he’d become at the contact. “My body remembers you, even if yours doesn’t right now.”
He pulled Tommy in even closer, kissing him deeply, and although Tommy’s body no longer responded as before, Adam’s kisses still left him weak in the knees and breathless and he couldn’t help but moan. When they finally pulled apart, both gasping for breath, Adam held Tommy tightly against him in the dark.
He leaned down and whispered into Tommy’s ear, “Fuck gender.”
Adam took Tommy’s hand and pulled him over to one of the lounge chairs. He sat down on the edge and gestured for Tommy to get down beside him.
“Lay down and I’ll rub your back.”
Tommy lay on his side with his back to Adam and signed when he started to knead the tight ridges of muscle on each side of his spine. Adam knew exactly what to do, how to relieve the knots that always formed there and he worked away until Tommy’s breathing finally slowed and he fell asleep. Once it was obvious Tommy was asleep, Adam stopped what he was doing, got up and pulled the smaller man into his arms and carried him to bed.
Author: firiel77
Word Count: 5835
Warnings: WIP, Mpreg
Rating: NC17
Pairings: Adam/Tommy
Summary: Tommy’s just feeling a bit off. Set about five years in the future. Adam is a Rock God. Tommy still plays guitar for him.
Beta: thrace_adams Whee, thanks so much for stepping in with the beta and the encouragement.
CreditThank you to chaosmanor for graciously agreeing to let me rework her wonderful story Thursday's Child in a different fandom; this fic is what inspired me to try mpreg which is saying something. I encourage everyone to read it. It can be found right here.
Disclaimer: This is fiction people.
Feedback: Sure. Let me know what’s working for you.
Authors Notes: I never thought I’d do it but this is a big old MPreg. Read if you dare. It’s also a WIP and I’m not sure where it will go yet although it will probably be fairly long and I’ve got quite a few chapters roughed out. I’ve just been seeing people pining for domestic fics and (gulp) babies so thought I’d give it a shot.
Thank you jashelle1 for the awesome banner and poster you did for my story. You’re the best
Previous Chapters Here
It took Tommy a minute to drag himself from sleep. It was early morning. He could tell because the air in the room was fresh and cool unlike how it would become later in the day. It was the last week of July and now high summer, one of the hottest and driest on record.
“Hey, time to get up Gitterbaby,” he heard Adam tell him. “Early start today I’m afraid. We have to go into town to see Dr. Frost, remember?”
Tommy opened his eyes and saw Adam sitting on the edge of the bed smiling down at him with his irritating, this is the best part of the day’s smile. Adam smoothed Tommy’s bangs back out of his eyes, ruffled his hair annoyingly and stood up.
“What time is it?” Tommy asked, his voice still raspy from sleep.
“It’s six. Why don’t you get into the shower and I’ll make us an omelette.”
Adam left and Tommy pushed himself out of bed. He’d forgotten that he had an appointment today for a visit to his obstetrician and an ultrasound scan. Dr. Frost had booked them the first slot of the morning so they could get in and out quickly to avoid notice, hopefully before the underground parking lot and offices at the medical complex started to fill up.
Tommy had taken to wearing only an oversize t-shirt to bed at night and he stripped it off and tossed it on the bathroom floor while he waited for the shower to warm up. He shook his head at the endearment Adam had used when he’d woken him. Glitterbaby, he hadn’t thought of that nickname in forever. It seemed like a million years ago. He pissed in the shower before he washed his hair, smiling to himself because he knew what Adam would think of him doing it.
When he was done he stood in the bedroom and tried to decide what to wear into town. He didn’t have much; his current wardrobe was limited. That was probably a good thing because he’d only been allotted three drawers in the dresser anyway. Adam had claimed the remainder of the drawers as well as the entire in closet for himself. Tommy had opened his mouth to protest when he’d been assigned his ration of space and then stopped to look at the meagre amount of things in his bags and decided they’d probably fit fine.
Adam had suggested that Tommy move into the master suite with him. He justified it with the fact that Tommy would be able to use the ensuite bathroom when he had to get up in the night to piss. They both knew that wasn’t the real reason but Tommy didn’t care; he just politely accepted and then moved his things into the larger room with Adam. He didn’t examine it too closely but he liked having Adam beside him at night.
He finally decided on a pair of Adam’s sweat pants, ones Adam sometimes wore lifting weights or running, and one of the large t-shirts Adam had bought him. None of his own clothes fit him anymore. The bulge was large enough, and Tommy’s pants so tight fitting anyway, that they were too uncomfortable pressing against the baby. Tommy liked to wear boxers or sleep pants around the house, things with lots of give and an elastic waistband. As an afterthought he grabbed a black hoodie and brought it out with him to the kitchen.
They ate breakfast quickly and prepared to leave. Tommy felt a flutter of nervousness; he’d not been out of the house in weeks. He held onto the railing as he went down the stairs to the garage on the ground floor. He felt different now, more weight in front, slightly out of balance, and always conscious of the second life he was carrying inside himself. When he reached Adam’s car he shrugged on his hoodie, zipped it up and got in.
Adam backed the car out of the garage and they both blinked when the bright sunlight hit them. Tommy put on a pair of oversize sunglasses, Adam did the same and then glanced across at Tommy and noticed what he was wearing.
His eyebrow quirked at the sight but all he said was, “You might not need a coat. It’s going to be really hot again today.”
“I know,” Tommy replied mildly.
He braced himself for further comment on what he’d chosen to wear but there was none. Adam was silent, obviously concentrating on the road as they cruised along the Pacific Coast Highway. Adam turned on the radio and immediately they heard Fever playing. The live album had been released as a greatest hits compilation and Adam, and the record company, had bowed to the fans demands and released Fever as one of the singles. Times had changed and Adam singing about his guy had finally been deemed acceptable to Middle America.
And the fans had been right. They’d released also released a couple songs from the last album as singles and they’d both done well but it was Fever that had rocketed to the top of the charts and stubbornly refused to give up number one all summer. The album too had gone viral, selling more copies than any other live album, ever. It was the hit of the summer and one couldn’t go anywhere, listen to any radio station without hearing Enter Sandman, Truth, Living It, or of course, Fever. Tommy listened while Adam sang along and then tipped his seat back a little and shut his eyes. He needed about three more hours of sleep.
When they reached Santa Monica and the traffic slowed, Tommy pushed himself back up and pulled his hoodie up over his head and tightened it around his chin. At the next light, when Adam looked across to check for traffic and noticed Tommy instead, he did a bit of a double take before starting to laugh.
Tommy regarded him sourly. “What?”
“I was just thinking that maybe I could make some calls and find you a burka,” he offered between bouts of giggling.
“I just don’t want to be recognized, okay?” he told Adam tightly.
“I know,” Adam admitted. “I just think dressing like that might draw even more attention, you know,” he explained gently. “People will see you and think you’re going to rob a bank or something. Seriously, you look like you’re in al-Qaeda.”
“Oh, fuck off,” Tommy told him, although his voice was mild when he said it.
They made it to the obstetrician’s office without incident and drove down into the underground parking. Tommy refused to take off his sunglasses even though the dimness inside made it almost impossible to see at first. They parked as close as possible and with Adam at point, watching for anyone who might see them, Tommy bolted from the car to the elevator.
When they slipped in Dr. Frost’s office was empty except for the receptionist and they were whisked into an exam room immediately. Dr. Frost didn’t say anything when she saw Tommy’s disguise but she started slightly and her mouth twitched once as if barely suppressing a smile.
“Hi, guys. Tommy, why don’t you take off your....coat,” she suggested, gesturing at the hook on the wall beside them. “You probably don’t need your sunglasses either.”
“Tommy’s thinking of becoming a terrorist,” Adam offered helpfully.
Dr. Frost had her head down, reviewing the chart so she didn’t notice the single digit Tommy had extended towards Adam. Adam saw it though and he smirked while they waited for the doctor to get back to them.
“So, how are you feeling?” Dr. Frost asked.
“Pretty good now. Not so tired.”
“Notice any changes?”
“Yeah. I feel the baby moving all the time now. We both can. It’s amazing.”
Dr. Frost smiled at Tommy’s excitement and Adam reached across and took his hand. She ran through the routine testing again, blood pressure, glucose and weight, and then asked Tommy to get on the ultrasound table and uncover his belly. Adam helped him up and he pulled up his t-shirt a bit self-consciously and inched his sweats down below the bulge.
“Ok, this is your eighteen week scan where I’ll be taking measurements of the baby to assess how well it’s developing. It’s quite comprehensive so it’ll take a while. Normally this is all done by one of my technologists but in cases like yours I like to do the scan myself.”
Tommy nodded and tried not to jump when she squeezed the gel on his belly. Adam sat on the other side of the ultrasound table and took his hand. Neither of them could see the screen so Tommy stared up at the ceiling at a poster and noticed one corner was coming unstuck. Whenever he looked over at Adam he found him watching him with a gentle smile and he’d smile back.
Dr. Frost ran the transducer over Tommy and pressed buttons with the other hand. Occasionally she’d ask him to stop breathing and there’d be a soft beep when she took an exposure.
“Ok, I’m measuring BPD, abdomen circumference, femur length. I take the values and compare them to each other and to the known gestational age to check that the fetus is growing adequately. These types of abdominal pregnancies tend to be more difficult so I’m expecting the fetus to be small although I’m sure it doesn’t feel small to you.”
Tommy had to agree. He wasn’t a big guy so sometimes, especially when the baby was rocking and rolling, it felt like there was a football in there.
“Now I’m assessing the brain, and then the face for congenital deformities. Everything looks good there. And now the heart. We look for any kind of defects there as well.” Dr. Frost’s brows knit in concentration as she moved the transducer around, trying for different angles. “Four chamber heart. Perfect.”
She scanned for another ten minutes and then finally pulled the screen around so that the two of them could see as well.
“Ok, show time. This is my favourite part. I’ll let you two have a look and try to get some baby pictures for your album. Hopefully junior will cooperate.”
Tommy craned his neck so he could see the monitor and Adam slid around closer. Dr. Frost scanned again and all of a sudden, there it was, a baby curled up in there. Tommy could see its legs drawn up, knees to its chest. There were toes, almost too small to see and fingers as well. Adam gasped when the fetus pulled one hand up to its mouth and sucked on its fingers.
“Jesus,” was all Tommy could say.
“Ok, here we go. Hold still you,” Dr. Frost told the baby on the screen while she made a series of exposures. She pressed a few more buttons and the printer in the corner of the room sprang to life. Tommy and Adam stared at the screen the whole time, transfixed by what they saw there. Tommy felt tears beginning to form and brushed them away without looking away from the screen.
“Do you want to know what sex it is? I can give you a best guess, although it’s not always completely accurate.”
“Really?” Adam said immediately. “Yeah, tell us.”
Just as quickly Tommy shook his head no and told her, “I’d rather wait and find out.”
It was kind of cheesy but Tommy wanted the surprise at the end. He waited for Adam to object, to try to change his mind, but he didn’t. He just looked at Tommy and nodded.
“Okay, no then,” he agreed and rested his hand on Tommy’s shoulder.
“Well, let me know if you change your minds,” Dr. Frost told them. “You’ll be having a few more scans from here on so there’ll be other opportunities. Have you seen enough for today?”
They both nodded although Tommy could have watched the screen, and their baby moving around in there, for hours.
“Alright then. Tommy, you can wipe yourself off and get up,” she told him as she handed him a towel. “I’ll just make some notes in your chart and then we’ll talk a bit more.”
Adam held out a hand and Tommy grasped it so he could be pulled to a sitting position. Adam steadied him as he slid down onto the floor and rearranged his clothing. They sat in the chairs in front of Dr. Frosts desk and watched as she typed away on her keyboard.
Finally, she turned to look at them. “Ok, everything looks good. The fetus is a little small for dates as I expected but well within range. It’s going to be growing more rapidly from now on so things are going to get more difficult, Tommy. Being male, your pelvis is not the preferred shape for accommodating a pregnancy; the baby is going to have to go somewhere as it grows. In my experience these babies are carried very high so you’ll probably be experiencing some shortness of breath later on.”
She looked at them frankly. “It’s also probably going to be quite painful at times, unfortunately. I’ll tell you that right now. The fetus is going to be putting a considerable amount of pressure on your internal organs as it grows.”
Adam took Tommy’s hand. “Is there anything you can do?”
“If it get’s bad enough I can prescribe a pain medication, but we don’t like to do that unless it becomes necessary.”
“No, no drugs. I don’t want to take any drugs,” Tommy insisted.
Adam looked somewhat dubious but didn’t say anything.
“Okay then. I’ll come out again in a couple weeks and see you at the house. Until then, just continue as you’re doing. Everything is progressing well. We’re all done so you can go now. I’ll have my receptionist call to tell you what day I’ll be out.”
Adam watched thoughtfully as Tommy pull up his hood and put on the sunglasses again. It wasn’t until they were in the car and on the road again that he spoke.
“You know I have an idea. I was thinking, maybe you could get your hair cut differently. People wouldn’t be able to recognize you as easily.”
Tommy thought about it a minute. Adam had a good point. Tommy’s bleached blonde, asymmetrical cut with the huge bangs was his trademark and stood out from a mile away. If he got it cut differently it would be easier to blend in, even to pass as a woman. He needed a trim anyway; his bangs were really starting to piss him off, especially in the heat.
“Yeah, maybe.”
Tommy chewed his lip and tried to think of who the hell he could get to give him a haircut until something caught his eye up the street.
“Whoa, Adam, up ahead, on the right.”
“What?”
“Pollo Loco.....yes, there’s a drive through. I need some mac and cheese right the fuck now!”
“It’s not even lunch time,” Adam objected. He sounded scandalized.
“Seriously, I’ll blow you right here in the car if you pull in!”
Adam didn’t say anything but Tommy smiled when he hit the brakes and put on the turning signal.
************************************
Tommy thought about Adam’s idea for a few days and finally decided that Sutan would be the person to approach. Adam wasn’t sure if he even cut hair much but they both figured that if anyone knew how to change someone’s identity it was him. Tommy had Adam call Sutan to see what he was up to and then put Tommy on the line.
Tommy found it a bit awkward talking to Sutan at first; the two of them hadn’t seen each other in a couple years although Sutan had heard about him being in rehab and was delighted to hear that Tommy was alright. Tommy made Sutan promise not to say anything until he was finished and started in on his long, strange story. There was stunned silence for a moment when Tommy finished.
“That’s unbelievable, baby!”
“Yeah, tell me about it,” Tommy agreed. “So will you come out and like, cut my hair for me? I really don’t want to go into town or anything.”
“Of course! What about this weekend?”
“Sure. That would be great.” It wasn’t as if Tommy had much of a social calendar.
“Is Adam going to be there?”
“Yeah, he’ll be here. He’s been sticking around pretty close.”
There was a tisk at the other end of the line. “That’s too bad. I thought we could have a girl’s weekend.”
Once they’d said their goodbyes and he had hung up the phone Tommy shook his head and wondered for a moment what he’d gotten himself into.
**********************************
Sutan showed up as promised on Saturday morning with a suitcase full of equipment. Adam had gone into town to have lunch with his mom and to meet with his management team and his agent. It was taking everyone at the office some time to adjust to Adam not overseeing each minute decision that was required to run his empire. They were doing fine but once in a while they needed a little direction and some feedback.
Sutan took one look at Tommy in his baggy t-shirt and boxers, at his now bulging belly and the pubescent breasts he was growing and pulled him into a hug. Tommy clung to him, not quite sure what to expect from his friend, afraid of looking him in the face and seeing revulsion.
“Oh honey. You should have told me sooner.”
“I know. I’ve just been kind of afraid of what people might say.”
“What could they say, baby? Look at you. It’s a fucking miracle! And shame on you! We’re life partners, you should have said something,” he scolded. He let go of Tommy and slapped him lightly on the shoulder.
“Yeah, life partners,” Tommy agreed. “Sorry man.”
“Well then, show me where to put my things and we’ll get started. What do you have in mind? Why don’t you go get your hair wet in the sink while I get ready?”
They sat on the deck with Sutan’s equipment spread around them. Luckily there was power available out there because besides scissors he’d brought out a blow drier, a curling iron, a flat iron as well as enough makeup to keep the Glam troupe going for a year.
“So, have you ever cut hair before?” Tommy asked nervously.
“Of course, baby! I’ve been practising on my sisters since I was twelve. Don’t worry. You’re in good hands,” he assured Tommy as he draped a cloak around his shoulders.
Sutan ran his hands through Tommy’s hair and considered it from several angles before picking up his scissors and starting. Tommy watched with alarm as long pieces fell to the deck around him and was thankful there was no mirror. He didn’t want to see it until Sutan was finished.
Sutan chatted while he clipped away at Tommy’s hair and when he was finished cutting he took up the blow dryer and brushed it out. When he was done he stood back and regarded his work critically and then tossed his fingers through Tommy’s bangs.
“There. Done,” he pronounced. “I like it. Let’s look in a mirror and see what you think.”
Tommy followed him into the bathroom and looked at himself in stunned silence. He looked like a different person. His hair was now his natural colour; all the blonde had been cut away. It was short on the sides and didn’t hide his ears but the shaved look was gone and his bangs now blended in with the rest so that he had a generic type of haircut. A woman’s haircut he realized.
And it wasn’t just the hair that was different. Tommy hadn’t looked at himself much in the mirror in the last while because, to be honest, he found it a little disturbing. Seeing himself now he realized that the whole shape of his face had changed. It was rounder and more filled in, his cheekbones no longer as prominent. With his hair shorter his eyes looked enormous and in this new context his lips seemed fuller than ever. The person looking back at him wasn’t Tommy Joe Ratliff anymore. It was the woman he might have been.
“Well, what do you think?” Sutan asked from behind him, beaming at his work, obviously pleased.
Tommy just stared at himself in the mirror at first and didn’t respond. “It’s just a bit of a shock, you know?” he finally said, shaking his head. He finally turned to Sutan who was starting to look a bit worried and smiled. “But I like the haircut. It’ll be really easy to look after, you know, in this heat.”
“Well good,” Sutan nodded, “Now come on back out, and let’s see what else I can do for you.”
Sutan talked Tommy into letting him pluck his eyebrows, never one of his favourite experiences, and then went on and applied a little make up. Tommy couldn’t help but smile at the familiarity of Sutan’s actions as he worked. It was like being on tour again. At one point Sutan looked at him quizzically and asked, “What are you thinking about, baby?”
Tommy smiled easily. “Just remembering how much fun we used to have. Doing our make up for the shows.”
“Yeah, those were good times, weren’t they?”
“Amazing times,” Tommy agreed. He suddenly found he had an emotional lump in his throat and had to blink back tears. “I’ve really missed you, man,” he told Sutan huskily.
Sutan gave him a big smile. “Me too, baby,” and then added more seriously, “Make sure you keep in touch though. Don’t be such a stranger.”
“Okay. I won’t,” Tommy assured him. He meant it. Looking back now, he had no idea why he’d let himself drift away from people he’d cared about so much.
Sutan wiped off his hands when he was done and told Tommy to come back inside. He had something else he’d brought out and wanted to show him. Tommy watched curiously while Sutan dug through his suitcase and then stepped back in horror when he turned towards him and held out a sarong.
“No fucking way. I’m not wearing a dress.”
“Wait, baby. Just listen a minute,” Sutan started, following Tommy as he edged out the door. “This will be perfect in the heat. Guys wear them in the tropics all the time. I love them. It will be nice and loose.”
Tommy looked at the pro-offered swath of bright fabric dubiously. He had to admit that even the t-shirts and shorts were too hot in this weather, especially now that they were getting so tight. Finally he sighed. What the hell. He took the sarong from Sutan and turned to go to his room.
“Do you want me to show you how to tie it?” Sutan asked.
Tommy turned back to him and glowered. “No,” he told his friend firmly. “I love you, man but there’s no way you’re seeing this body with no clothes on. No way in hell.”
Once Tommy had put on his sarong and they were sitting on the deck having a cold drink he had to admit Sutan was right. The sarong was much more comfortable than everything Tommy had been wearing lately. It wasn’t confining at all and as he sat back in his chair the breeze blew around his legs and cooled him off a little. He sighed at how much better it felt.
It was late afternoon and finally a little cooler when they heard Adam pull up in his car. Tommy could hear the grumbling vibration of the garage door opening from the deck and he wondered nervously what Adam would make of his new look. He stood up and waited uneasily for Adam to come out on the deck. He wasn’t comfortable dressed as a woman, not at all, despite Sutan’s reassurance that he looked good.
Adam’s reaction was dramatic. First he ran over and pulled Sutan into an enthusiastic hug which lasted a while and then finally he turned to Tommy. His mouth fell open. There weren’t many things that rendered Adam Lambert speechless but Tommy’s transformation was apparently one of them. Tommy gave him a dark look, afraid of what he’d say.
“If you say one fucking thing I’m out of here.”
Adam shut his mouth with an almost audible snap and pulled himself together. He smiled gamely at Tommy and hugged him before giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead. “It looks really good. You look nice. I like it,” he assured Tommy.
Tommy watched him suspiciously, looking for any sign that what he was saying was insincere. All he saw was concern and he rested his forehead on Adam’s shoulder.
“-And I bet it’s nice and cool,” Adam continued reassuringly.
Tommy nodded tensely and let out the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. He relaxed as Adam wrapped him in his arms and cradled his head against his chest with one hand. It was tough; cutting off his hair had been a big step for Tommy, as if shutting the door on a part of his life he’d never be able to get back to. He felt adrift.
“I don’t feel like I belong in the band anymore,” Tommy mumbled.
Adam rubbed Tommy’s back gently, soothingly, “of course you do. It’s only hair, it’ll grow back. You’ll always have a place in the band. I promise.”
He pressed another kiss to the top of Tommy’s head and then put his hand gently on Tommy’s chin, directing his face up so he could look at him. “It looks really good,” he repeated with an earnest smile and then waited for Tommy to smile back.
“Why don’t you guys sit back down? I’ll just go get myself a drink too and I’ll be right back.”
He paused to hug Sutan again for a second and enthused. “It’s GOOD to see you! I’m so glad you came out.”
*******************************************
They spent the evening, after they’d eaten the Thai food Adam had brought home, sitting on the deck and playing music. Tommy tried to play his guitar every day even though his changing shape made it awkward to hold. Adam always loved to sing; you couldn’t stop him. Sutan sat and listened companionably while they worked though their current numbers, starting and stopping in unison, smiling at each other when they got something in particular right, laughing when they blew it.
Later, while Tommy was having a shower, Sutan and Adam shared a bottle of wine. Adam had been trying to avoid drinking in front of Tommy; he didn’t think it was fair. Tommy had seen the bottle of wine Sutan had brought, one of Adam’s favourites, and told him to go ahead. He didn’t feel like drinking anyway.
Once Tommy left Sutan took the opportunity to light a cigarette as well. He exhaled and then turned his eye to Adam while he poured them both a glass of wine.
“So tell me Adam, what’s going on with you and Tommy? Are you two a couple?”
Adam took a sip of wine and put his glass down before he answered. “Right now we are. At least until after the baby’s born.”
“And what about after that?”
Adam shrugged and looked away. “I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it.”
Sutan watched him carefully over the rim of his glass. “What do you want, Adam? Do you want to be with Tommy?”
Adam swallowed a mouthful of wine. “Maybe. I like Tommy a lot.” He hesitated a little before continuing. “I just don’t know that it would work out.”
“Why not?”
Adam looked at him as if he was simple. “I don’t know, Sutan. Because he’s straight?”
Sutan snorted. “He doesn’t look very straight at the moment.”
“You know what I mean. Tommy’s an open-minded dude. He likes to experiment but he probably wouldn’t be interested in staying with me. Sure we’ve hooked up lots over the years, but he’s always had his bimbo girlfriends too.”
Sutan watched Adam a moment and then shook his head. “Adam, sometimes for such a smart man, you can be really stupid.”
He put out his cigarette and got up. “I’m going to have a shower too and go to bed.”
Adam sat on the deck, deep in thought, until the last of the wine was gone. Then he turned off all the lights, went to their bedroom, pulled off his clothes and slid in beside Tommy. The room was still overly warm, too warm for close contact, so Adam lay on his back next to Tommy and stared up into the dark while Tommy snored softly beside him. It took a while for him to fall asleep.
*************************************
August dragged on, one incredibly hot day after another. It was now the end of the month and the record heat showed no sign of abating. The hills above Malibu were on fire. Sometimes, when the wind was right, Tommy and Adam could smell the smoke from their deck and although the fires were far away they could still see them at night glowing in the distance.
Tommy often couldn’t sleep. The heat was partly to blame but it was mostly because the baby was pressing on his bladder and he had to get up to piss. The baby also seemed to come alive at night, was much more active, giving Tommy twinges of pain when it kicked. Adam claimed that whichever sex it was it has going to be a night owl like its father. Tommy had to agree.
He’d taken to getting up in the night and having a swim to cool off. If his insomnia was bad and he didn’t want his tossing and turning to disturb Adam he would slip out and float in the pool for a while. He felt weightless there, unlike how he was feeling the rest of the time.
One night he was just getting out and reaching for his towel when he noticed Adam was up too and standing in the doorway watching him in the moonlight. Tommy immediately made to cover himself up with the towel he’d left hanging on the railing.
“Don’t look at me,” he asked Adam.
“No, stay there, please,” Adam said softly, walking closer. “Let me see.”
Tommy stood there feeling self-conscious, reflexively shielding his nudity, while Adam looked at him intently. Tommy looked down at himself too. His belly was round now, and he kept a hand pressed against it, a familiar stance as he tried to guide the baby’s feet away from sensitive areas. He looked like a woman, genitals hidden in his pubic hair, breasts filling out more every day. He shuddered at having Adam see him like this.
“I’m turning into something you’re not even attracted to,” he said softly.
Adam shook his head, lips firmly together and reached out and took one of Tommy’s hands in his. Tommy pulled away from his touch and turned away so that he was staring out towards the sea. Adam stood at the railing beside him and didn’t say anything, giving Tommy some space, time to continue with his train of thought.
Tommy grasped the railing tightly while he decided what he wanted to say.
"I'm still me inside though. If you can't see that, then I shouldn't be here," Tommy said determinedly as if trying to convince himself more than Adam.
Hurt filled Adam's eyes. "Is that what you think of me?"
Tommy took a shuddering breath in and shook his head and then he was in Adam's arms. He could feel his throat tightening and once again he cursed the hormones that were overpowering his body and dragging his emotions out like this.
"No, not really,” he sighed. “I don’t even know why I said that."
Adam’s hands were on Tommy’s shoulders and he expected gentle words of reassurance and a comforting hug. Instead, he found himself pushed roughly back against the railing, and Adam’s mouth was hot against his ear as he ground himself against Tommy.
“I still want you,” Adam assured him. “After the baby is born, after you’re back to being you, I’m going to have you on your hands and knees and fuck you until you scream,” he promised. “I think you look amazing.”
Adam pressed his body against Tommy so he could feel how hard he’d become at the contact. “My body remembers you, even if yours doesn’t right now.”
He pulled Tommy in even closer, kissing him deeply, and although Tommy’s body no longer responded as before, Adam’s kisses still left him weak in the knees and breathless and he couldn’t help but moan. When they finally pulled apart, both gasping for breath, Adam held Tommy tightly against him in the dark.
He leaned down and whispered into Tommy’s ear, “Fuck gender.”
Adam took Tommy’s hand and pulled him over to one of the lounge chairs. He sat down on the edge and gestured for Tommy to get down beside him.
“Lay down and I’ll rub your back.”
Tommy lay on his side with his back to Adam and signed when he started to knead the tight ridges of muscle on each side of his spine. Adam knew exactly what to do, how to relieve the knots that always formed there and he worked away until Tommy’s breathing finally slowed and he fell asleep. Once it was obvious Tommy was asleep, Adam stopped what he was doing, got up and pulled the smaller man into his arms and carried him to bed.