Fic: The Things That We Could Be (2/5)

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The ride back to L.A. was thankfully uneventful. Jensen arranged for his truck to be trailered after it was repaired. They drove back in Jared's truck, splitting the driving.

They had a great time.

Jensen felt like a kid again as they stocked up on snacks. He wanted Cheetos and tortilla chips and root beer. Jared grabbed jerky and pork rinds and Mr. Pibb. They laughed at each other's choices when they met up at the register, the girl behind it not more than 19. She gave them a friendly smile, but there was a wary look in her eye.

"I think she thinks we just got released from the ward," Jared hissed, flicking Jensen's ear with a Twizzler.

Jensen snorted. "You just got released. I've had a day pass forever!" He stuck his tongue out at Jared and crossed his eyes.

The girl rang up their items with cautious movements and timid looks, like she might accidentally set them off, when Jared whooped and ran off down an aisle. Jensen looked around for him, calling his name, and then Jared was back, dumping gummy bears, Swedish fish, and a six-pack of water bottles.

"Sugar, Jen! Gotta have sugar for the drive! And hydration, 'cause we're in the desert!" He winked at the cashier, who evidently decided that they were harmless wackos at any rate, and threw in half a dozen packs of gum on the house.

Then they were off, driving through the night, taking turns every four or five hours for cat-naps. Around three a.m., Jensen looked over from the driver's seat and saw Jared sleeping, his head pillowed on his arm as it rested against the door. For a moment, he saw Sam Winchester, huddled against the side of the Impala as his big brother drove them through the night. Here, bands of light ran across Jared's face as they sped beneath the highway lights and occasional billboard or rest stop, their angles cutting cleanly across the planes of his face, or getting all snarled in the strands of his thick hair.

What's going to happen when we get home? thought Jensen. The night felt dark and secretive, like a confessional, and all his doubts and fears bubbled up inside him.

Should we just move right in together? What are we going to say to people? Who are we going to tell? We don't even know what's going on ourselves yet. If this is even really the right thing . . .

Selfishly, he wanted this to be just for them right now; they had so many questions to deal with, issues to settle. He just wanted to be alone with Jared for a little bit, let them rediscover each other, bask in the joy, before letting the rest of the world in on it.

He took one hand off the steering wheel and reached over, finding Jared's hand lying limply on the seat. Very gently, Jensen placed his hand over Jared's and let it rest there.

Yes. This is right.

A smile played about his lips, and with another glance at Jared's sleeping form, Jensen found himself driving towards somewhere, rather than away from it.



"Jensen! You look great, buddy! That trip to Texas was a good one, huh? Nice visit with your family?" Ray Whitman, one of the Carry On production assistants, greeted Jensen cheerfully. Jensen nodded, smiling to himself as he thought of the conversation he'd had with his parents and his fantastic reunion with Jared. It had been an awesome trip. When they arrived back in L.A., they had decided to temporarily keep their own homes, but still spend a lot of time together at either house. Jared had slept the last two nights at Jensen's house, and this weekend would be spent at Jared's bungalow.

"Listen, soon as you get settled, the producers want you on set to meet someone--they've decided to introduce a new character, and they want you to meet the leading candidate ASAP, see how the chemistry is, you know? Sound good? Say, hour and a half, by the time you finish with wardrobe and makeup?"

"What? A new character? Wow. Um, yeah, of course, I'll be there soon as I get ready, okay?" Jensen was stunned to hear this. "Ray, who's masterminding this? Bob didn't even hint at anything like this before I left." There hadn't even been any rumors about bringing in a new character. Bob Mettledorf was a stand-up guy and had directed several episodes a season for Carry On, so Jensen found it unnerving not to have heard something was in the wind. Were the producers unhappy with the existing line-up? Was there a shake-up ahead?

Jensen suddenly felt very unsettled, and his stomach started churning around the coffee he'd already had. He hoped it was someone he'd get along with okay--he didn't meant to be self-centric, but sharing long hours on a set with an actor one didn't get along with was fucking miserable. He'd been there and done that.

He went off to makeup, and then to wardrobe, brooding all the way.

As Melissa worked on his face and hair, he sat there with his eyes closed, thinking. Other than guest stars for a few episodes here and there, they hadn't brought a new recurring character on Carry On in a couple of years. He winced as he thought of it; a new ego to cater to, a new personality to juggle, someone with new corners to fit into existing spaces. He liked his little TV family just the way it was already, but he was a professional. It was the ethic by which he'd lived his entire acting life, so pretty much whatever this person was like, he would just have to suck it up and deal with it.

Maybe whoever it was wouldn't be too bad.

Besides--he got to go home to Jared now. The plan for now was a few nights spent at one home, then at the other. Jensen felt certain they would move in together soon, but after five years and some large issues between them, they wanted to take it a little slow. They were flying below the radar as it was--no announcements, no high visibility outings. No one knew anything yet. Right now, it was their own little bubble, where they rejoiced in being together while working out the remaining issues.

Like, if Jensen was going to come out all the way. If they'd get married. Little details like that.

Ninety minutes later, Jensen walked onto the kitchen set, wearing the face and clothes of Zach Logan, widower and father of two. Kurt Fuller, one of the big producers of the show, and Bob, Jensen's favorite director, were sitting in the Logan breakfast nook over coffee with two women Jensen had never seen before. Both were pretty redheads. One was petite with a slight figure, with dark auburn hair in short waves to her shoulders. She had large, soulful eyes, a narrow chin, and porcelain skin. The other had copper hair that fell past her shoulders and was pinned back from her face. She had an open, ready smile and a frank air to her that Jensen found immediately appealing. Her brown eyes quickly assessed him from top to bottom as soon as they all stood up to shake hands.

Kurt stood up and unctuously introduced the auburn-haired woman first.

"Jensen Ackles, this is our new on-site producer, Julie McNiven--Julie, of course you know who Jensen is."

Julie smiled and shook his hand.

"Of course! Jensen, it's such a pleasure to meet you! I'm looking forward to working with you here on Carry On!

Jensen took her hand. It felt cool in his palm, and full of delicate bones, like a bird.

Julie went on to introduce the other redhead. "This is Danneel Harris, Jensen. Say hello to your new wife!" She smiled like she'd announced Santa Claus was coming.

"Wife?" Jensen was unable to conceal the surprise in his voice. "I'm sorry--I just heard we had a new character. No one said it was a wife. Excuse me." He nodded to Danneel. "No reflection on you personally, just--little surprised here!" He looked at Bob. What the hell?

Danneel stood up to shake hands with Jensen. She was taller than he expected--shorter than his six foot one, of course, but easily five seven instead of the tiny five two or five three that his usual female co-stars were.

"Jensen, so pleased to meet you. I understand your surprise completely! I'm so sorry you didn't know I was coming, but I'm very excited to be here!"

Her voice was somewhat breathy and sweet, but her enthusiasm seemed genuine. Jensen felt his fears receding. The first impression of his wife-to-be was a good one, despite the shock of her arrival.

Danneel worked hard to mesh with the cast, Jensen was happy to see. Actors who joined a well-established show often thought erroneously that they were the hot new thing. An ensemble show had to adapt around a new cast member, absorb them, and the actor had to adjust to the people and relationships already in place. To have it otherwise was to invite chaos and disruption, which could derail a show in a matter of weeks. Jensen had seen it in some of his previous shows--both Shadowed Lives and Paradise Lost had suffered from that very thing--and he did not want that to happen here.

But Danni ("Danneel, please! Little pretentious, right? Don't know what Mom was thinking there! Just call me Danni!") perused fashion mags with the girls, and laughed over the latest gossip on Twitter with them. She talked the business with the older actors, demonstrating that she had a good grasp of it and a generous portion of common sense. She was unfailingly pleasant to everyone, knew her lines spot-on, and was always punctual for her call time. She had excellent comedic timing and hit her mark gracefully. And finally, she appeared to be unfazed by Jensen's polite but terse conversation, when they weren't interacting with each other in character. He was warming to her, but small talk was just not in his repertoire.

"I gotta say, I think they aced this," Jensen remarked to Jared over dinner one night. They were at Jared's house this week; Jensen loved Jared's little bungalow, with its canopy of shady trees over his flagstone patio and sunken hot tub. They'd grilled chicken and cut it up over pasta, drinking a chilled Chardonnay alongside it. "She is inhabiting her character well, I think we have some good chemistry going, and she's getting along with everyone. Kudos to Julie for finding her!" He forked some pasta into his mouth, closing his eyes to savor the tasty vinaigrette Jared had made.

Jared nodded. "I think that's great, Jen. I loved the show already, but it does warm it up to have your character in a relationship. Are they going to have you guys get married for the season finale?"

Jensen nodded. "Yeah, we're waiting to hear the final word from the writers, but it's sure looking that way. I'm fine with it, nothing's gone off course or anything. And we're still considered a family show, so there's going to be very little in the way of PDA or skin to worry about. A smooch or two here and there, and me lying in bed with a T-shirt on." He winked at Jared, who swatted him with his napkin, even as his cheeks pinked up.

"Good thing, Jen--I don't share well," Jared growled, making Jensen shiver. His lover didn't alpha out that often, but when he did, it was ridiculously hot.

Jensen suddenly decided he'd had enough dinner for the moment. He stood up and grabbed Jared's hand.

"I think I better reassure you of my intentions, Mr. Padalecki. Or maybe you need to reassure me of your ownership." He kissed Jared hotly, squirming against the six foot four pillar of muscle that was his partner. Breaking it off, he murmured, "All I know is someone better reassure me about something pretty fuckin' quick here, or we're going to be testing how private this patio really is!"

Jared's arms grabbed him and lifted; Jensen barely got his legs up and around Jared's waist before Jared was moving them inside.

"No one is seeing you naked but me," Jared said, still in his sexy, growly voice, hands firmly holding Jensen's ass. "Hang on!"

Jensen hung on.

A few weeks later and a few more episodes in the can, and it was clear how much America liked Danni Harris. And how much they liked the idea of Danni's character, Cynthia, getting together with Zach. Jensen knew what was coming the day he came on set and saw Julie McNiven waiting by the breakfast table, a coffee in her bird-like hand.

"Jensen! How are you?" She waited politely for his response, continuing on the moment he'd spoken.
"It's clear that the fans love Danni - that they love you and Danni together. The ratings were already good, and they're sky-rocketing now. I have a couple of things I'd like to run past you, if I could. You still have half an hour before they need you in makeup."

"Um, sure," he answered, his stomach tightening. He didn't like dealing with producers--that's what directors were for. Where was Bob, anyway? He looked around for a second until Julie started talking again.

"Are you looking for Bob? He's checking on the scene with Danni and the kids. That's why we have a little time here."

She moved away from the craft table and motioned to a couple of chairs off to the side. They settled into the seats, Jensen sipping his coffee and wondering what the hell was about to drop.

"I think you can tell from the scripts that we're very interested in having Danni continue here. In fact, Jensen, we'd like to see Zach and Cynthia get married. How do you feel about that?" Her large eyes studied him; their intensity unnerved him.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I saw that coming when you introduced her as my possible wife-to-be, and, uh, I'm fine with it. I think Danni is a terrific actress, and what we're doing is working out really well. So, yeah, I'm thumbs up with that." He nodded and smiled a little. He figured that was it, yet Julie was still staring at him with those lemur eyes. What else was going on? There had to be something beyond the new plotline behind her stare.

"Excellent! I'm really happy to hear that, Jensen! Well, with that in mind, we'd like to plan some promotional events and appearances--make the most of this event for the show. We're not going to do anything like a destination wedding--that's just not our style, right? But off-camera, there are some events coming up that we'd like to have you and Danni attend together. Really cement the image of you two as a couple, you know? Some red carpet appearances, some high profile events. So keep your calendar clear, and we'll get you the dates and times ASAP. Oh, and the network will take care of your clothing, especially for the red carpet--we want you looking your handsomest! Not that that's difficult with you, Jensen!"

She beamed at him before bouncing up from her chair to shake his hand, burbling all the while about clothes and Danni and how cute they were going to look together.

And then she was gone.

Jensen felt a little dizzy--what the fuck just happened? He got the whole promotional appearance thing; he'd been in Hollywood long enough, cast members did do promo events together, but--was he going to events with Danni like she was his girlfriend in real life?

He didn't think that Jared was going to be happy about this. Not at all.

Danni had a case of butterfingers that day and kept dropping her props, which the crew found amusing but Stan Adams, the guest director of the week, didn't. Jensen tried to run interference a little, but Stan finally turned to him and snapped, "Just stay out of it, Jensen! She doesn't need her fucking boyfriend to make things better!"

Jensen froze. Did they really think he was her boyfriend? Just because he was nice to her and they joked around together? They were co-stars, they were supposed to joke around together! Or did he just mean their characters? And why was a guest director talking to him, a lead on on the show, like that anyway?

It confused and disturbed him. He walked off the set, sitting on the sidelines and playing on his phone until they were ready for him again. Danni sent him apologetic looks that he steadfastly ignored, simply concentrating on his game of Angry Birds. He didn't hold it against her at all, but he was not giving this dickwad any more fuel for that fire.

Bob better the fuck be directing next week.

He groused to Jared about it that night, as Jared lay naked across his bed and Jensen massaged his meaty thighs and sculpted calves. Looking at Jared naked was a mixture of admiring some really beautiful art and feeling like a goddamn horn-dog. Right now, Jensen was in the art zone. The horn-dog phase would follow shortly.

"Just, what the fuck was this bozo thinking? We're co-stars, we're supposed to get along. Has he never seen actors be friends before? Jared, I don't even touch her if the script doesn't call for it."

"He's a dick. They are out there, you know, even on good sets like yours. Why is this one torquing you out so badly, Jen?"

Jensen dug his hands into the back of Jared's thigh, smiling when Jared sighed with pleasure.

"Your legs get so tight, baby. They need me all the time!" He patted the smooth skin in front of him before digging back in again. "I just don't want people thinking that Danni and I are a real couple. That there's anything between us outside of the show."

Jared rolled over, and Jensen was totally distracted by more naked beauty, like that fucking awesome chest, or those ripped abs, or--one of Jensen's favorite parts--those sloping hip cuts, running down his sides into his groin, just in case someone couldn't find their way to target zero. Jared's cock was soft as it lay on his thigh, but Jensen couldn't resist trailing an oh-so-light finger down its length, watching it stir and start to plump under his touch.

"Fuck, Jen, you dick! We were talking! Now I'm gonna wanna stop talking!" Jared laughed and tossed Jensen's hand away from his swelling cock.

"We can stop. I like the turn this discussion is taking," purred Jensen. He wiggled his eyebrows at Jared.

"I bet you do. And I do too. But let's try to focus here a few more minutes--why is this upsetting you so much?"

Jensen sat quietly for a moment, tracing the outline of Jared's quad under his tan skin.

"Because I'm taken. Because I'm yours, Jay. And I don't know how I feel about announcing that I'm gay to the whole world yet, but I don't want to be paired off with my co-star in the public's eye and heart. I just wanted a little time to figure it out for myself. And a little more time with just you."

Jared sat up and reached for Jensen, pulling him close.

"You are mine, Jen, whether or not a dickwad episode director knows it or not. And I hope the day comes soon where you feel that you can announce to the world that we're together. Right now, knowing your family knows and having you not fight yourself anymore is enough for me."

Jared pulled back so he could look into Jensen's eyes.

"I'm not gonna lie, Jensen, I want you to get there--I hope you will get there. Sooner than later, even. I don't want to hide us forever. But right now it's a lot of new shit for you to process, so I'm okay with waiting for a bit."

Jensen didn't know how full his heart could feel, because it constantly seemed like it got fuller and fuller the more time he spent with Jared. He threw his arms around Jared and hugged him as tightly as he could.

"I will, I promise. Just a little time, okay? There's no one like you, Jared. Never was, never will be. I love you."

The dickwads of the television world were forgotten amid the kisses and sighs from the two men as they gave themselves over to pleasuring each other.



It turned out that Bob was on the slate for directing next week. Jensen gave a large mental sigh of relief as he looked his sides over.

A couple of good weeks under his belt, and Jensen was back to feeling completely at home on his set. It was Jared who blew in and shook things up.

"Jensen! Jensen, are you here?"

Jared's deep voice carried down the hallway to Jensen's dressing room. He burst through the door like a Chinook sweeping through the desert.

"Jesus, Jay! What's going on? Are you okay?" Jensen's blood pressure jumped several points, and he grabbed his boyfriend to slow him down. "Jay, what is it?"

Jared put a giant hand on either side of Jensen's face and pulled him in for a kiss. Jensen glanced around--they were alone in his room. The door was half-open, but he didn't see anyone in the hallway.

"Oh, sorry--I didn't think. Sorry, Jen," said Jared sheepishly.

"It's okay, no one's there. What is it, Jay? You're bouncing like you're on a pogo stick here! Tell me!"

Jared grabbed his shoulders and stared into Jensen's eyes.

"I. Got. The. Movie. The movie, Jen! I'm gonna be Nightwing! Nightwing! WOOHOO!!!!" and Jared caught him up, swinging him around the room. Jensen fleetingly thought that only Jared was big enough to swing six foot one, one eighty-five Jensen around like a stuffed animal.

"JAY! OH MY GOD!" Jensen yelled. "Dude! You're a fucking superhero!"

They clung to each other in jubilation. Jared had auditioned for Thor a few years ago, had made it to the final round even, but ultimately lost it to Chris Hemsworth. Jared had no problem losing the part to Chris--he was a great guy and a solid actor. The rumor was that the deciding factor against Jared had been his bisexuality. There was no proving it, of course. Hollywood could be a tight-lipped town when it wanted to be.

And now, despite being completely out of the closet by his own choice, he was getting a shot at joining the superhero pantheon again. A Batman reboot had been announced, and it would be the first time Nightwing would be a major player alongside Batman, a partner rather than a sidekick. Nathan Fillion had already been cast as the new Bruce Wayne, to resounding fan acclaim, and Jared had been among the final three contenders brought in to read with him.

And he had won.

Finally Jared released Jensen and they both collapsed into chairs. Jensen tossed his boyfriend a water bottle and they clinked to toast.

"I am so fucking proud of you!" Jensen said, feeling like his face was going to split from grinning so widely. Jared grinned just as widely back.

"You know what this means, though? The downside?" Jared said, a more sober expression on his face. "I'm going to be gone for a while. Location shooting starts in two weeks in Tunisia, they've already got a crew scouting locations and setting up a base. At least a week there, a week in Switzerland, and then two weeks in New Zealand. Then we're home to finish in L.A. on the Warner Brothers sound-stages." He looked sadly at Jensen. "That's a long time apart, Jen."

Jensen felt like his stomach was sinking down to the South Pole. Brave face, asshole, he thought grimly. This is beyond huge for Jared! "An actor's life, ya know? It's a month or so--that's nothing. We just came off of five years apart. This is cake."

Jared snorted.

"Yeah, but that was five years of not knowing how much we were missing. Now, we do. Seeing each other almost everyday. Dinner dates. Sundays spent in bed." He leaned forward and took Jensen's hand. "Not gonna lie, Jen, it's going to suck. Missing you is going to feel like a fucking amputation every single day."

Jensen tsked. "You're going to be too busy fighting bad guys and sucking up to Batman to miss me!" he joked. "Just keep it at sucking up to Batman, and not sucking Batdick, okay?" He gave Jared a little headslap.

"No problem," Jared purred as he grabbed Jensen's hand and pulled him over. "Your dick is so pretty, it has me totally spoiled! No other dick will do now, it's Smeckles-dick or no dick!"

"Shhh! Quiet down, you ass!" Jensen hissed, but he was laughing too. He smacked Jared's chest, only to have Jared tug him in and kiss him quickly.

A knock at the door sent Jensen upright and three feet away. The door was still half open, and Julie walked in with a big smile.

"Hi, Jensen! Oh, are you busy?" She turned to Jared with her hand extended. "Pleased to meet you--Jared? Jared Padalecki? Wow, what a lovely surprise! I loved Masquerade--the coming to terms with your bisexuality story was so compelling, and you were just terrific in it!"

She turned back to Jensen with a coy look on her face.

"Jensen, I had no idea Jared was visiting our set! I forgot--you two were in a show together once, right? Supernatural, was it? I loved that show! I actually auditioned for it once, back when I was still on the other side of the camera! I think it was to be an angel or something. Didn't make the cut, though." She made a pouty face. "Oh well, I'm in production now, and I love it!"

Jensen was surprised when she mentioned auditioning for Supernatural--had she been on-set at all? Around them? And what had she seen when she burst into his dressing room just now? He felt very uneasy, and tried to telegraph his discomfort to Jared, but his boyfriend didn't seem to be getting Jensen's telepathic message.

"Wow, Julie, what are the odds, huh? I'm so sorry you didn't get that chance, but now you're here instead! Jensen was just saying how pleased he is to work with you. I hear that you're lining up some promotional appearances with him and Danni?"

"Yes, we are, and I'm quite excited about it. Kurt Fuller has left it up to me to get the wedding hoopla going, and I want to capitalize right away on Danni and Jensen's terrific chemistry. We're going to have a magazine shoot on-set within the next week--Entertainment Weekly is giving us a two-page spread--and then there's some award shows coming up. I definitely want them to attend the PCA's--the People's Choice Awards, you know--and then I think we'll do something fun and funky, like Teen Choice awards over at Nickelodeon. With any luck, we'll grab a nomination or two along the way, but even just having you two together on the red carpet will be fabulous!"

Behind her head, Jensen rolled his eyes at Jared, knowing that Jared understood full well how much Jensen hated this type of thing. Jared slipped him a sympathetic wink.

"That sound pretty exciting, Julie. Try to give Jensen plenty of warning beforehand, he doesn't like to do things on the fly." Jared got up and stretched, giving Jensen all sorts of inappropriate thoughts, especially considering his producer was right there.

"Oh, not to worry," she said. "I understand a whole lot about Jensen. Probably more than he thinks."

Jensen jerked his head around to look at her. What the hell did that mean?

Julie smiled prettily at Jared before turning to Jensen and patting him on the arm.

"Don't worry, I have everything all figured out. I know just how it's going to play out, Jensen. You leave everything to me."

She walked out the door, shutting it behind her.

Jensen looked at Jared, eyes wide.

"Dude, what the fuck was that at the end?"

Jared shook his head, his face puzzled.

"I don't know know, dude. But you might wanna start watching your back a little. I didn't like the vibe I was getting off of her."



Shooting went on at its regular pace for the next two weeks. Jared packed for his trip, panicked over leaving Jensen, regained his composure, repacked. The night before he left, they spent together at his bungalow. Jensen made steak fajitas and they had cold Landsharks with half a bottle of Patron gold. Jared kissed and licked Jensen everywhere before fucking him silly on the rattan chaise, and later in bed, they sixty-nined deliciously, cocks thrusting down each others' throats as they whimpered and moaned in unison.

Now they lay entwined on Jared's dark brown sheets, looking at the shifting shadows the trees cast on the walls in the moonlight, bodies cooling from their passion.

"Jen . . ." Jared whispered, trailing his fingers through Jensen's hair. ". . . move in with me when I get back."

Jensen's heart soared. It had been hard at times to go slowly, take their time; to let their relationship balance itself out and find its level. They both felt it was worth that effort. They wanted to build something lasting this time, something forever. There was no rush beyond their own want.

This declaration was the prize, the reward for going slowly. Jared felt ready. Jensen had felt ready for a little while, but hadn't wanted to put any pressure on Jared. And now they were at the same place at the same time. They were both ready.

"Yeah," Jensen agreed quietly. "Yeah, that sounds good."

On to Part 3