Fic: Pay Phone (4/10)
Title: Pay Phone
Author: firesign10
Beta: pipisafoat
Pairing(s): J2 (Jared/Jensen)
Word Count: 44,270 total / 3760 this part
Genre: SPN RPS, non-AU
Rating: R for language and subject matter
Warnings: M/M sex, angst
Spoiler(s): Season 1 through the end of Season 5
Disclaimer: It's all fiction: Jensen, Jared, and all other parties belong to themselves; none of this happened in real life; I have an overactive imagination. Supernatural is a property of the CW and does not in any way belong to me. Lyrics at the beginning of the story are from the song, "Pay Phone" by Maroon 5, and do not in any way belong to me.
Summary: Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles first meet as co-stars on a new tv show, Supernatural. Co-stars become best friends . . . until their relationship changes one summer, as they vacation together at the Outer Banks in North Carolina. It's idyllic there . . . but what about the rest of the world? Jensen and Jared find that they have very different ideas about life and love. Can they make it work in Vancouver and California? Will their relationship grow in the public eye, or wither in the closet? And how long can true love last?
Also featuring Genevieve Cortese; Jim Beaver; Donna and Alan Ackles; Ellen DeGeneres. Mentioned: Sandy McCoy; Misha Collins; Eric Kripke. Dan Spilo, various actors
Masterpost
Back to Part 3
Jensen pulled out his cell just to check if it was really dead, and not just his imagination malfunctioning in the heat and sun. Screen - still cracked across. No display showing at all, no matter how much he squinted at it in the bright, desert light. Hit the voicemail button - nothing, not a peep. Yeah, it was a goner, all right. He guessed that throwing it at the rocky ground really hadn't been a good idea. Somehow, after four hours of walking in the sun, it hadn't seemed to matter then that his phone would break.
But it mattered a hell of a lot now. Like … everything. It was everything, and his fucking piece of crap phone was fucking dead. Jensen shouldn't even give a good goddamn … except that he did. He did give a goddamn. He gave ALL the goddamns, every single last one of them. All these moments in his life were rapidly adding up, and the total came to just one answer: Jared.
He needed to talk to Jared. He needed to call Jared and just . . . talk to him. Hear Jared's voice, the way it curled into Jensen's head and spread out inside his body, the deep vibrations making his heart beat to a different rhythm. His body needed to hear that rhythm, it was all off kilter and that sound was the only thing that would make things okay again. Jensen knew that he wouldn't be lucky enough to hear an actual laugh, but that was alright. As long as he could just hear that voice for just a few moments.
If Jared would even concede to talk with Jensen. Oh, please . . . please let him agree . . .
Except that . . . Jensen's phone was broken, and he was sitting in a fucking desert.
The rest of their North Carolina vacation was just as fun as the first part, but with the added bonus of the best sex either man had ever enjoyed. They switched it up - both of them liked topping and bottoming, and it felt good either way. Invite your lover to enter your body? Best gift ever. Fuck hard into your boyfriend and bring him overwhelming pleasure? Yessir, and twice on Sunday. They both loved blowing each other, worshiping the other man's cock, giving ecstasy with mouth and hand. Jerking each other off in the ocean, fucking in the shower, even late night sex on the deck under cover of darkness. Jensen drew the line at making love on the beach, despite Jared's pleas. There were places he just didn't want to find sand, and Jared agreed in the end. They tried morning sex, nighttime sex, afternoon siesta sex. They still had the walks, the swims, the outings, the time spent vegging out on the deck. They just spent a lot of time naked and sweaty as well.
It wasn't just the sex, though. As close as they had been before, as well as they'd known each other, moving to a more intimate relationship opened new areas to explore. They shared thoughts and dreams with each other that they'd never dared to share with anyone else. Jared marveled that he had felt ready to marry Sandy, when he hadn't been half as open with her as he was now with Jensen. He laid himself bare before his lover - every thought, every hope, laid out like a buffet. Whatever he hadn't shared yet was only from a lack of time or opportunity, and Jared felt relaxed and safe knowing that he could continue building this kind of communication with Jensen indefinitely. Jared's natural good spirits escalated into a sense of happiness that pervaded his entire being.
Jensen was happier than he'd ever been as well. He felt comfortable in his own skin for the first time ever. He was with his favorite person - Jared. They talked easily. They had a lot of fun together. They had amazing sex, the love they felt amping up the purely physical enjoyment. He'd never pictured himself actually being in a relationship with anyone, and the comfort and ease of it was euphoric. He was utterly content, and he would have been happy to stay with Jared in that beach house on stilts forever.
But, of course, they couldn't stay there forever. After their Outer Banks time was over, they each had family visits in Texas to make, and then soon after that, Supernatural would resume filming. They didn't anticipate any problems with things on the Vancouver end, as they decided to move in together as soon as they returned to Canada. Jared invited Jensen to move in to his house, and Jensen promptly accepted. They couldn't stand the thought of not waking up together every day, or not going to bed together every night. They'd have to deal with it over the rest of their vacation time, but it was easier with knowing that Vancouver would mean home. That was the easiest decision they had to deal with, and the first thing they settled as a couple.
It got a little harder after that.
Harder as in they had The Discussion. A discussion that Jensen would happily have done without. One that he feared, but which his fearless lover blithely sailed into.
Jared suggested that they come out together.
Jensen stared at him blankly.
It was their first fight. The line was pretty clearly drawn - Jared wanted them to consider coming out together, so that they wouldn't have to hide and dissemble at all.
Jensen bluntly refused. Refused to do it; refused to talk about doing it; refused to even think about doing it.
Jared was puzzled and a little hurt by Jensen's hard stance. Jensen softened his demeanor, but not his position. He wouldn't get into why or why not, it was just a no. End of discussion.
Jared took a walk on the beach alone in the evening dusk. Jensen sat on the deck, slouched in one of the Adirondack loungers, holding himself very, very still. He felt that If he didn't disturb things any more than they were, perhaps Jared would return from his walk reconciled to Jensen's stand, and then they'd be just fine. Jensen looked at the rising moon and prayed for that to be the case. He really didn't know what would happen if Jared turned out to be as immutable about this as Jensen was.
Jensen saw Jared returning, watched him walk down the beach in the moonlight. Jared came up to the deck, using the outside staircase. He walked over to Jensen, dropping down to his knees and burying his head in Jensen's lap. "I love you," he said, slightly muffled by Jensen's jeans. "That's all that matters to me. I love you." Jensen could feel the tears soaking through his jeans, and he grabbed Jared's head, lifting it up and kissing him.
"I love you too, baby, so much. So much. We'll be okay, I promise. I promise, darlin'."
A few more days passed, and then the boys realized their vacation was close to the end. They decided to go visit the neighboring island of Ocracoke. Ocracoke was only accessible by ferry, so it would be most of a day to go there, explore, and return. An hour or so's drive brought them to the ferry landing, where they waited in line with other day-trippers and then drove the Range Rover onto the ferry itself. Once the vehicle was parked and secured, they were free to walk around the ferry as it slowly chugged its way to the other island. It was a good hour plus to get there, so Jared and Jensen stood outside, enjoying the gorgeous day and watching the various birds.
Arriving at the Ocracoke dock, they filed off the boat and drove into the small town. There were many boats docked in a marina, as well as some restaurants and various shops. The island felt old, with lots of huge trees with low limbs, heavy with foliage. Crushed shell paths wound around little cemeteries with stone markers obliterated by erosion. The houses were quaint - simply styled, brightly painted, with wrap-around porches that invited having lemonade sipped on them.
The first objective was food, and they had a delightful lunch at a restaurant near the marina, so they could watch the boats. They walked around the town, pausing at windows and sometimes entering to browse. More small gifts were bought to send to Texas and bring to Canada.
One shop had a section of interesting jewelry, and Jensen paused to look it over. There were a number of pieces comprised of two or three metals used together, and he found those very attractive. He lingered over an open cuff bracelet, admiring the silver and copper combination, the narrow bands of the metal, and the graceful, simple curving design of the cuff. He looked over at Jared, who was examining some pottery, and then gestured to the shop attendant.
"Do you have another of these? I'd really like a pair."
"These are all individually made, so I don't know if I can give you an exact match, but I'm sure I can get one very similar. Let me check, just a moment, please." She bent to pull a tray out from underneath the display. An assortment of the mixed-metal pieces rested there - rings, torqs, and some more styles of cuffs. They looked through the cuffs and found a near match - silver and copper, with a simple curve. Jensen bought both, placing his finger to his lips as she rang it up. The clerk smiled, flicking her eyes to Jared and back to Jensen. Jensen nodded, and they smiled at each other as the transaction was concluded. Jensen went over to Jared, who had abandoned the pottery for some shell mobiles, and kissed him on his ear. Jared looked at Jensen with surprise over the PDA, and Jensen just shrugged. He nudged Jared's shoulder and headed for the door, Jared following as he nattered about getting some ice cream.
Ice cream was consumed, and then it was time to head back to the ferry. Both men were comfortably fatigued, and looked forward to an evening's relaxing on the deck, followed by some slow, sweet lovemaking, orchestrated by the surf.
The last night at their beach house arrived, meaning a day spent packing and hunting down missing belongings. "Jensen!!" Jared yelled from the lower deck. "Have you seen my board shorts? The orange and blue ones? And my sunglasses? The good ones, not the ones with the bent arm?"
Jensen sighed. "No, no, I haven't! Look inside the outdoor shower, you were all sandy the other day and rinsed off outside." Thumping footsteps were followed by a cry of victory. Jensen smiled to himself. Jared was tall, strong, handsome, and sexy as hell. He was also twelve years old sometimes, a big puppy, disorganized, and sexy as hell.
Jared bounded into their bedroom. "Two weeks, dude, who'da thought you could lose stuff in two weeks?"
Jensen snorted. "Dude, you could lose things in two DAYS!" He smacked Jared in his stomach and laughed at Jared's mock distress. Jared pounced on Jensen and threw him onto the bed. "No no no!!!! We can't fuck now, we gotta get ready! We have to check out and hit the road by 9 a.m. to get to Norfolk and catch our flight! Stop, Jared, get your hand off my dick, you horndog!!" And then he collapsed laughing, realizing how ridiculous he sounded scolding Jared for grabbing him. They rolled on the bed laughing together, and then Jensen caught his breath at how gorgeous Jared was and started kissing him. Jared still had a grip on Jensen's dick, it turned out, and things just went from there . . .
Late that night, the duffel bags were packed and loaded into the Range Rover. Traveling clothes and toiletries were laid out for the morning. They had a sketchy dinner of various leftovers, and now were enjoying the last night of star-gazing over one last bottle of wine. Jared was reclined on a lounge, Jensen lying between his legs and leaning against his chest. Periodically Jared would turn his head and nuzzle into Jensen's hair, breathing his scent in as Jensen listened to Jared's heartbeat.
" 'M gonna miss this so much." Jared murmured. " S'beautiful here. Ocean. Stars. Everything. And it's always going to be the place we became lovers. Always going to mean so much just because of that, Jen. Our special place."
Jensen nodded, feeling his throat close up a little. He cleared it and said, "You're absolutely right, Jay. I never dreamed that this would happen when we first planned to come here, but I'm damn happy it did." He turned and kissed Jared gently. "It's been amazing, and I know we both hate to leave. So . . ." and here Jensen paused and reached into his hoodie pocket. "So, I got something that maybe will help us always remember being here, and being together for the first time." He opened his hand, revealing the two cuffs from Ocracoke, the silver gleaming in the combined soft illumination of the deck lights and the moonlight.
Jared sat up with a little gasp. "Jen! What - where did you get these? They're beautiful!"
Jensen smiled and said, "That little shop on Ocracoke, the one where you were looking at the pottery and the shell mobiles?"
Jared smacked him gently. "Oh, the one where you were flirting with the clerk? I saw you, ya big flirtypants!"
Jensen cracked up. "Flirtypants?? Okay, Jare, your hall pass to eighth grade is hereby revoked!" He got hold of his laughter and settled down. "I know we can't do rings - too obvious - but I thought these were really special. Unique. The shop girl said they were all individually made, so no two are exactly alike. And they're not girly or anything - they're strong, they're made of silver and copper, and . . . I just thought, it's something . . . something for us, as a team, as a . . . as a couple." Jensen hesitated here, unsure of Jared's reaction. "Are they - are they okay, Jared? D'ya like them?"
His eyes searched Jared's face, looking for a clue about his reaction, unnerved because it was really unlike Jared to be quiet about a present.
Jared studied the bracelets, running a finger delicately around the smooth curve of the metal band. He looked up at Jensen, eyes misting over, and nodded. "They're gorgeous, Jen, and they're perfect. Perfect. Thank you so much, baby."
Jensen breathed a sigh of relief. When he had selected the cuffs, Jensen had thought Jared would approve of them, but here in the heat of presentation, Jensen's nerves had kicked into gear. Jared's praise flooded Jensen with joy and spread a wide smile across his face. Jared was feeling the metal between his fingers again, a smile on his lips and dimples in full play. Jensen slipped his hand under Jared's chin and drew him closer, catching the momentary look of surprise on Jared's face before Jensen kissed him. They kissed slowly and sweetly, simply expressing their love and savoring each other.
As they broke the kiss, Jensen looked into Jared's eyes again, taking one bracelet and touching Jared's hand. Jared looked back at him and nodded, holding his wrist out, and Jensen slipped the cuff on. Eyes flicking from the cuffed wrist to Jared's face, Jensen was startled to see tears in Jared's eyes. He gently swiped a thumb across Jared's left eye, feeling on his skin the moisture that had swelled there.
"Darlin', are you okay? Is this okay? Am I missing something, or going too fast?"
Jared shook his head and snuffled. "No, Jen, I love it. I love you. I just . . . I feel so lucky, and so blessed, and I just couldn't hold it all in. These are happy tears, happy that I get to be with you, that we get to be together. Don't ever want to forget this moment." And he took Jensen's hand and kissed it. "Can I . . . may I put yours on for you, Jen? Please?"
Jensen was feeling rather damp-eyed himself now, and he simply nodded his assent to Jared. Jared picked up the remaining cuff and slipped it over Jensen's wrist. They sat quietly, heads together, holding each other's hands as they looked at the metal shining on their wrists. Finally they rose and went downstairs, walking out to the beach where they stood watching the waves crash in the moonlight one last time. Jensen's eyes teared up as well as he contemplated leaving Avon, their private little world. Everything had been so perfect here, but now it was time to take themselves and their new relationship out into the real world.
Vancouver was a contrast in more than just climate to the Outer Banks. Everything seemed darker, foggier. Filming began in just a couple of weeks, and they had already rehearsed their scripts for the first two or three episodes. It was back to the grind - rehearse, film, reshoot, repeat. They loved their jobs and considered themselves enormously lucky to be doing what they did, but creating a TV show still entailed a lot of work.
They also felt an underlying tension that neither man wanted to address. They had experienced so much during their trip - sharing fun activities like windsurfing, exploring the island, the day trip to Ocracoke. They had adjusted to their new relationship, shifting from one of friends to that of lovers. It was so easy there, far from responsibilities, other entanglements, the pressures of family and career. Under the brilliant blue North Carolina sky, their thoughts had been filled with having fun, sharing experiences, enjoying the gorgeous scenery, and the intense, heady thrill of discovering each other as lovers. It had been romantic and sexy, relaxing and carefree, and every moment was a delight.
The brief argument about coming out had blunted the edge of that delight a little. Finding out how different their viewpoints were as far as being out had definitely been a splash of cold water. They were determined to make this work - they weren't going to give this new relationship up without a hell of a fight. Even though they left the Outer Banks with this issue merely shelved, Jared and Jensen were nonetheless committed to each other. They felt sure that they would be able to work something out. There simply was no alternative.
So now Jensen and Jared began to integrate their new status as lovers into their previously existing life, while also keeping it under wraps. As they'd agreed while still in Avon, Jensen moved into Jared's house immediately upon their return to Vancouver. That was the first hurdle crossed. They got to snuggle each other to sleep every night, and wake in the morning to share sleepy kisses and morning wood. The difficulties were during the hours between the morning kisses and the bedtime snuggles. The hours that involved the rest of the world.
Filming turned out to be pretty easy. Everyone was already used to Jared being all over Jensen, and Jensen's amiable tolerance of it. Their trailers were next to each other, and it was S.O.P. to check both trailers whenever Jared or Jensen were needed on set. They ate together, hung out together, drove home together. No one blinked an eye over Jensen's moving into Jared's house - it was seen as a matter of convenience and friendship. No one needed to know that the boys didn't shared just a house, but also a bed.
Eventually, though, Jared began to chafe under the PDA restrictions. He might clown around on set, draping his arms over Jensen, hugging him, smacking his ass. Jensen might punch Jared's bicep, tousle his hair, hug him back. Affectionate, to be sure, but not untoward behavior for them. Jared's problem was that he wanted more. He wanted to hug Jensen without it being a goof. He wanted to touch Jensen with the love that Jared felt for him. He wanted to reach over and take Jensen's hand, kiss Jensen's cheek, and be unfazed that people were around them. Jared's eyes followed Jensen and he would forget to temper that gaze, he'd lose track that his eyes were speaking clearly of his love for Jensen. Jensen would turn and catch Jared, frowning at him and snapping his fingers to break Jared's focus.
At first, Jared felt bad about not being more subtle, but as the months went by, he cared less and less about subtlety. He loved Jensen, and he wasn't doing anything wrong by doing that. He wanted to be able to express it, just as he had with Sandy, or any other lover he'd had. Jensen got very jumpy very fast, though, and his abrupt withdrawals started to hurt Jared. Despite knowing that Jensen loved him - and he only had to glance at his cuff to remind himself of that - Jared hated having Jensen pull away from him. He just couldn't help feeling rejected by his partner every time it happened.
The brief flash of irritation at yet another of Jensen's retreats left Jared's brain buzzing irritably. He knew Jensen loved him; he had no doubt on that score whatsoever. The dichotomy between Jensen's feelings and Jensen's actions, though, was totally screwing up Jared's brain. He could not reconcile the way he knew Jensen felt and the way he acted in public to Jared. Jared had tried to be discreet, tried to be just a co-star and friend, but things seemed to . . . slip away from him. And then Jensen would push him away, move somewhere else, say something snarky, and Jared's heart would ache. Then they would go home, and Jensen would apologize, tell Jared of his love, and Jared would accept and everything would be fine. Again. For the most part. But there was always a lingering shadow, and those shadows - they were growing. Jared was scared, because he didn't know how long he could keep the shadows at bay and have Jensen be content. Somewhere along the line, something was going to give.
Part 5
Author: firesign10
Beta: pipisafoat
Pairing(s): J2 (Jared/Jensen)
Word Count: 44,270 total / 3760 this part
Genre: SPN RPS, non-AU
Rating: R for language and subject matter
Warnings: M/M sex, angst
Spoiler(s): Season 1 through the end of Season 5
Disclaimer: It's all fiction: Jensen, Jared, and all other parties belong to themselves; none of this happened in real life; I have an overactive imagination. Supernatural is a property of the CW and does not in any way belong to me. Lyrics at the beginning of the story are from the song, "Pay Phone" by Maroon 5, and do not in any way belong to me.
Summary: Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles first meet as co-stars on a new tv show, Supernatural. Co-stars become best friends . . . until their relationship changes one summer, as they vacation together at the Outer Banks in North Carolina. It's idyllic there . . . but what about the rest of the world? Jensen and Jared find that they have very different ideas about life and love. Can they make it work in Vancouver and California? Will their relationship grow in the public eye, or wither in the closet? And how long can true love last?
Also featuring Genevieve Cortese; Jim Beaver; Donna and Alan Ackles; Ellen DeGeneres. Mentioned: Sandy McCoy; Misha Collins; Eric Kripke. Dan Spilo, various actors
Masterpost
Back to Part 3
Jensen pulled out his cell just to check if it was really dead, and not just his imagination malfunctioning in the heat and sun. Screen - still cracked across. No display showing at all, no matter how much he squinted at it in the bright, desert light. Hit the voicemail button - nothing, not a peep. Yeah, it was a goner, all right. He guessed that throwing it at the rocky ground really hadn't been a good idea. Somehow, after four hours of walking in the sun, it hadn't seemed to matter then that his phone would break.
But it mattered a hell of a lot now. Like … everything. It was everything, and his fucking piece of crap phone was fucking dead. Jensen shouldn't even give a good goddamn … except that he did. He did give a goddamn. He gave ALL the goddamns, every single last one of them. All these moments in his life were rapidly adding up, and the total came to just one answer: Jared.
He needed to talk to Jared. He needed to call Jared and just . . . talk to him. Hear Jared's voice, the way it curled into Jensen's head and spread out inside his body, the deep vibrations making his heart beat to a different rhythm. His body needed to hear that rhythm, it was all off kilter and that sound was the only thing that would make things okay again. Jensen knew that he wouldn't be lucky enough to hear an actual laugh, but that was alright. As long as he could just hear that voice for just a few moments.
If Jared would even concede to talk with Jensen. Oh, please . . . please let him agree . . .
Except that . . . Jensen's phone was broken, and he was sitting in a fucking desert.
The rest of their North Carolina vacation was just as fun as the first part, but with the added bonus of the best sex either man had ever enjoyed. They switched it up - both of them liked topping and bottoming, and it felt good either way. Invite your lover to enter your body? Best gift ever. Fuck hard into your boyfriend and bring him overwhelming pleasure? Yessir, and twice on Sunday. They both loved blowing each other, worshiping the other man's cock, giving ecstasy with mouth and hand. Jerking each other off in the ocean, fucking in the shower, even late night sex on the deck under cover of darkness. Jensen drew the line at making love on the beach, despite Jared's pleas. There were places he just didn't want to find sand, and Jared agreed in the end. They tried morning sex, nighttime sex, afternoon siesta sex. They still had the walks, the swims, the outings, the time spent vegging out on the deck. They just spent a lot of time naked and sweaty as well.
It wasn't just the sex, though. As close as they had been before, as well as they'd known each other, moving to a more intimate relationship opened new areas to explore. They shared thoughts and dreams with each other that they'd never dared to share with anyone else. Jared marveled that he had felt ready to marry Sandy, when he hadn't been half as open with her as he was now with Jensen. He laid himself bare before his lover - every thought, every hope, laid out like a buffet. Whatever he hadn't shared yet was only from a lack of time or opportunity, and Jared felt relaxed and safe knowing that he could continue building this kind of communication with Jensen indefinitely. Jared's natural good spirits escalated into a sense of happiness that pervaded his entire being.
Jensen was happier than he'd ever been as well. He felt comfortable in his own skin for the first time ever. He was with his favorite person - Jared. They talked easily. They had a lot of fun together. They had amazing sex, the love they felt amping up the purely physical enjoyment. He'd never pictured himself actually being in a relationship with anyone, and the comfort and ease of it was euphoric. He was utterly content, and he would have been happy to stay with Jared in that beach house on stilts forever.
But, of course, they couldn't stay there forever. After their Outer Banks time was over, they each had family visits in Texas to make, and then soon after that, Supernatural would resume filming. They didn't anticipate any problems with things on the Vancouver end, as they decided to move in together as soon as they returned to Canada. Jared invited Jensen to move in to his house, and Jensen promptly accepted. They couldn't stand the thought of not waking up together every day, or not going to bed together every night. They'd have to deal with it over the rest of their vacation time, but it was easier with knowing that Vancouver would mean home. That was the easiest decision they had to deal with, and the first thing they settled as a couple.
It got a little harder after that.
Harder as in they had The Discussion. A discussion that Jensen would happily have done without. One that he feared, but which his fearless lover blithely sailed into.
Jared suggested that they come out together.
Jensen stared at him blankly.
It was their first fight. The line was pretty clearly drawn - Jared wanted them to consider coming out together, so that they wouldn't have to hide and dissemble at all.
Jensen bluntly refused. Refused to do it; refused to talk about doing it; refused to even think about doing it.
Jared was puzzled and a little hurt by Jensen's hard stance. Jensen softened his demeanor, but not his position. He wouldn't get into why or why not, it was just a no. End of discussion.
Jared took a walk on the beach alone in the evening dusk. Jensen sat on the deck, slouched in one of the Adirondack loungers, holding himself very, very still. He felt that If he didn't disturb things any more than they were, perhaps Jared would return from his walk reconciled to Jensen's stand, and then they'd be just fine. Jensen looked at the rising moon and prayed for that to be the case. He really didn't know what would happen if Jared turned out to be as immutable about this as Jensen was.
Jensen saw Jared returning, watched him walk down the beach in the moonlight. Jared came up to the deck, using the outside staircase. He walked over to Jensen, dropping down to his knees and burying his head in Jensen's lap. "I love you," he said, slightly muffled by Jensen's jeans. "That's all that matters to me. I love you." Jensen could feel the tears soaking through his jeans, and he grabbed Jared's head, lifting it up and kissing him.
"I love you too, baby, so much. So much. We'll be okay, I promise. I promise, darlin'."
A few more days passed, and then the boys realized their vacation was close to the end. They decided to go visit the neighboring island of Ocracoke. Ocracoke was only accessible by ferry, so it would be most of a day to go there, explore, and return. An hour or so's drive brought them to the ferry landing, where they waited in line with other day-trippers and then drove the Range Rover onto the ferry itself. Once the vehicle was parked and secured, they were free to walk around the ferry as it slowly chugged its way to the other island. It was a good hour plus to get there, so Jared and Jensen stood outside, enjoying the gorgeous day and watching the various birds.
Arriving at the Ocracoke dock, they filed off the boat and drove into the small town. There were many boats docked in a marina, as well as some restaurants and various shops. The island felt old, with lots of huge trees with low limbs, heavy with foliage. Crushed shell paths wound around little cemeteries with stone markers obliterated by erosion. The houses were quaint - simply styled, brightly painted, with wrap-around porches that invited having lemonade sipped on them.
The first objective was food, and they had a delightful lunch at a restaurant near the marina, so they could watch the boats. They walked around the town, pausing at windows and sometimes entering to browse. More small gifts were bought to send to Texas and bring to Canada.
One shop had a section of interesting jewelry, and Jensen paused to look it over. There were a number of pieces comprised of two or three metals used together, and he found those very attractive. He lingered over an open cuff bracelet, admiring the silver and copper combination, the narrow bands of the metal, and the graceful, simple curving design of the cuff. He looked over at Jared, who was examining some pottery, and then gestured to the shop attendant.
"Do you have another of these? I'd really like a pair."
"These are all individually made, so I don't know if I can give you an exact match, but I'm sure I can get one very similar. Let me check, just a moment, please." She bent to pull a tray out from underneath the display. An assortment of the mixed-metal pieces rested there - rings, torqs, and some more styles of cuffs. They looked through the cuffs and found a near match - silver and copper, with a simple curve. Jensen bought both, placing his finger to his lips as she rang it up. The clerk smiled, flicking her eyes to Jared and back to Jensen. Jensen nodded, and they smiled at each other as the transaction was concluded. Jensen went over to Jared, who had abandoned the pottery for some shell mobiles, and kissed him on his ear. Jared looked at Jensen with surprise over the PDA, and Jensen just shrugged. He nudged Jared's shoulder and headed for the door, Jared following as he nattered about getting some ice cream.
Ice cream was consumed, and then it was time to head back to the ferry. Both men were comfortably fatigued, and looked forward to an evening's relaxing on the deck, followed by some slow, sweet lovemaking, orchestrated by the surf.
The last night at their beach house arrived, meaning a day spent packing and hunting down missing belongings. "Jensen!!" Jared yelled from the lower deck. "Have you seen my board shorts? The orange and blue ones? And my sunglasses? The good ones, not the ones with the bent arm?"
Jensen sighed. "No, no, I haven't! Look inside the outdoor shower, you were all sandy the other day and rinsed off outside." Thumping footsteps were followed by a cry of victory. Jensen smiled to himself. Jared was tall, strong, handsome, and sexy as hell. He was also twelve years old sometimes, a big puppy, disorganized, and sexy as hell.
Jared bounded into their bedroom. "Two weeks, dude, who'da thought you could lose stuff in two weeks?"
Jensen snorted. "Dude, you could lose things in two DAYS!" He smacked Jared in his stomach and laughed at Jared's mock distress. Jared pounced on Jensen and threw him onto the bed. "No no no!!!! We can't fuck now, we gotta get ready! We have to check out and hit the road by 9 a.m. to get to Norfolk and catch our flight! Stop, Jared, get your hand off my dick, you horndog!!" And then he collapsed laughing, realizing how ridiculous he sounded scolding Jared for grabbing him. They rolled on the bed laughing together, and then Jensen caught his breath at how gorgeous Jared was and started kissing him. Jared still had a grip on Jensen's dick, it turned out, and things just went from there . . .
Late that night, the duffel bags were packed and loaded into the Range Rover. Traveling clothes and toiletries were laid out for the morning. They had a sketchy dinner of various leftovers, and now were enjoying the last night of star-gazing over one last bottle of wine. Jared was reclined on a lounge, Jensen lying between his legs and leaning against his chest. Periodically Jared would turn his head and nuzzle into Jensen's hair, breathing his scent in as Jensen listened to Jared's heartbeat.
" 'M gonna miss this so much." Jared murmured. " S'beautiful here. Ocean. Stars. Everything. And it's always going to be the place we became lovers. Always going to mean so much just because of that, Jen. Our special place."
Jensen nodded, feeling his throat close up a little. He cleared it and said, "You're absolutely right, Jay. I never dreamed that this would happen when we first planned to come here, but I'm damn happy it did." He turned and kissed Jared gently. "It's been amazing, and I know we both hate to leave. So . . ." and here Jensen paused and reached into his hoodie pocket. "So, I got something that maybe will help us always remember being here, and being together for the first time." He opened his hand, revealing the two cuffs from Ocracoke, the silver gleaming in the combined soft illumination of the deck lights and the moonlight.
Jared sat up with a little gasp. "Jen! What - where did you get these? They're beautiful!"
Jensen smiled and said, "That little shop on Ocracoke, the one where you were looking at the pottery and the shell mobiles?"
Jared smacked him gently. "Oh, the one where you were flirting with the clerk? I saw you, ya big flirtypants!"
Jensen cracked up. "Flirtypants?? Okay, Jare, your hall pass to eighth grade is hereby revoked!" He got hold of his laughter and settled down. "I know we can't do rings - too obvious - but I thought these were really special. Unique. The shop girl said they were all individually made, so no two are exactly alike. And they're not girly or anything - they're strong, they're made of silver and copper, and . . . I just thought, it's something . . . something for us, as a team, as a . . . as a couple." Jensen hesitated here, unsure of Jared's reaction. "Are they - are they okay, Jared? D'ya like them?"
His eyes searched Jared's face, looking for a clue about his reaction, unnerved because it was really unlike Jared to be quiet about a present.
Jared studied the bracelets, running a finger delicately around the smooth curve of the metal band. He looked up at Jensen, eyes misting over, and nodded. "They're gorgeous, Jen, and they're perfect. Perfect. Thank you so much, baby."
Jensen breathed a sigh of relief. When he had selected the cuffs, Jensen had thought Jared would approve of them, but here in the heat of presentation, Jensen's nerves had kicked into gear. Jared's praise flooded Jensen with joy and spread a wide smile across his face. Jared was feeling the metal between his fingers again, a smile on his lips and dimples in full play. Jensen slipped his hand under Jared's chin and drew him closer, catching the momentary look of surprise on Jared's face before Jensen kissed him. They kissed slowly and sweetly, simply expressing their love and savoring each other.
As they broke the kiss, Jensen looked into Jared's eyes again, taking one bracelet and touching Jared's hand. Jared looked back at him and nodded, holding his wrist out, and Jensen slipped the cuff on. Eyes flicking from the cuffed wrist to Jared's face, Jensen was startled to see tears in Jared's eyes. He gently swiped a thumb across Jared's left eye, feeling on his skin the moisture that had swelled there.
"Darlin', are you okay? Is this okay? Am I missing something, or going too fast?"
Jared shook his head and snuffled. "No, Jen, I love it. I love you. I just . . . I feel so lucky, and so blessed, and I just couldn't hold it all in. These are happy tears, happy that I get to be with you, that we get to be together. Don't ever want to forget this moment." And he took Jensen's hand and kissed it. "Can I . . . may I put yours on for you, Jen? Please?"
Jensen was feeling rather damp-eyed himself now, and he simply nodded his assent to Jared. Jared picked up the remaining cuff and slipped it over Jensen's wrist. They sat quietly, heads together, holding each other's hands as they looked at the metal shining on their wrists. Finally they rose and went downstairs, walking out to the beach where they stood watching the waves crash in the moonlight one last time. Jensen's eyes teared up as well as he contemplated leaving Avon, their private little world. Everything had been so perfect here, but now it was time to take themselves and their new relationship out into the real world.
Vancouver was a contrast in more than just climate to the Outer Banks. Everything seemed darker, foggier. Filming began in just a couple of weeks, and they had already rehearsed their scripts for the first two or three episodes. It was back to the grind - rehearse, film, reshoot, repeat. They loved their jobs and considered themselves enormously lucky to be doing what they did, but creating a TV show still entailed a lot of work.
They also felt an underlying tension that neither man wanted to address. They had experienced so much during their trip - sharing fun activities like windsurfing, exploring the island, the day trip to Ocracoke. They had adjusted to their new relationship, shifting from one of friends to that of lovers. It was so easy there, far from responsibilities, other entanglements, the pressures of family and career. Under the brilliant blue North Carolina sky, their thoughts had been filled with having fun, sharing experiences, enjoying the gorgeous scenery, and the intense, heady thrill of discovering each other as lovers. It had been romantic and sexy, relaxing and carefree, and every moment was a delight.
The brief argument about coming out had blunted the edge of that delight a little. Finding out how different their viewpoints were as far as being out had definitely been a splash of cold water. They were determined to make this work - they weren't going to give this new relationship up without a hell of a fight. Even though they left the Outer Banks with this issue merely shelved, Jared and Jensen were nonetheless committed to each other. They felt sure that they would be able to work something out. There simply was no alternative.
So now Jensen and Jared began to integrate their new status as lovers into their previously existing life, while also keeping it under wraps. As they'd agreed while still in Avon, Jensen moved into Jared's house immediately upon their return to Vancouver. That was the first hurdle crossed. They got to snuggle each other to sleep every night, and wake in the morning to share sleepy kisses and morning wood. The difficulties were during the hours between the morning kisses and the bedtime snuggles. The hours that involved the rest of the world.
Filming turned out to be pretty easy. Everyone was already used to Jared being all over Jensen, and Jensen's amiable tolerance of it. Their trailers were next to each other, and it was S.O.P. to check both trailers whenever Jared or Jensen were needed on set. They ate together, hung out together, drove home together. No one blinked an eye over Jensen's moving into Jared's house - it was seen as a matter of convenience and friendship. No one needed to know that the boys didn't shared just a house, but also a bed.
Eventually, though, Jared began to chafe under the PDA restrictions. He might clown around on set, draping his arms over Jensen, hugging him, smacking his ass. Jensen might punch Jared's bicep, tousle his hair, hug him back. Affectionate, to be sure, but not untoward behavior for them. Jared's problem was that he wanted more. He wanted to hug Jensen without it being a goof. He wanted to touch Jensen with the love that Jared felt for him. He wanted to reach over and take Jensen's hand, kiss Jensen's cheek, and be unfazed that people were around them. Jared's eyes followed Jensen and he would forget to temper that gaze, he'd lose track that his eyes were speaking clearly of his love for Jensen. Jensen would turn and catch Jared, frowning at him and snapping his fingers to break Jared's focus.
At first, Jared felt bad about not being more subtle, but as the months went by, he cared less and less about subtlety. He loved Jensen, and he wasn't doing anything wrong by doing that. He wanted to be able to express it, just as he had with Sandy, or any other lover he'd had. Jensen got very jumpy very fast, though, and his abrupt withdrawals started to hurt Jared. Despite knowing that Jensen loved him - and he only had to glance at his cuff to remind himself of that - Jared hated having Jensen pull away from him. He just couldn't help feeling rejected by his partner every time it happened.
The brief flash of irritation at yet another of Jensen's retreats left Jared's brain buzzing irritably. He knew Jensen loved him; he had no doubt on that score whatsoever. The dichotomy between Jensen's feelings and Jensen's actions, though, was totally screwing up Jared's brain. He could not reconcile the way he knew Jensen felt and the way he acted in public to Jared. Jared had tried to be discreet, tried to be just a co-star and friend, but things seemed to . . . slip away from him. And then Jensen would push him away, move somewhere else, say something snarky, and Jared's heart would ache. Then they would go home, and Jensen would apologize, tell Jared of his love, and Jared would accept and everything would be fine. Again. For the most part. But there was always a lingering shadow, and those shadows - they were growing. Jared was scared, because he didn't know how long he could keep the shadows at bay and have Jensen be content. Somewhere along the line, something was going to give.
Part 5