I'm pretty sure I have more of a case of MAS than my husband does. I particularly have trouble remembering that if someone complains or describes a problem, they may want emotional support/comfort rather than advice, because for myself, I seldom want emotional support and almost never want comfort. If I complain or describe a problem, either I am just letting off steam, and maybe trying to clarify it a bit to myself, or I want useful advice. Or I may be issuing a warning that I'm in a bad mood.
I'm both male- and female-acculturated in this area, and I do think that, although FSS is a joke, female acculturation is definitely an issue here also. In my case, I guess it's FQS--putting things as questions instead of statements. When I'm fairly but not totally certain, I'll often phrase the statement as a query: "Isn't [or even "is"} that the actress from that movie?" This is a very hard habit for me to break! And I do it much more with Womzilla, whose speech is more purely male-acculturated, than with Supergee.
I think I'm worse about pontificating than I was, say, 20 years ago, in part because more of my social intercourse with friends is online, but also largely because I have specialized and gone deeper in specific areas that friends ask me about & I am happy to go on about. It's mutual, because I am very interested in hearing about areas others have specialized in--I soak it up like a dry sponge--but fewer conversations on nonpersonal topics are as mutual as they were.
I don't think it counts as pontificating if someone wants to learn about the topic. I think it only counts if you're going on about something that the other person is more of an expert in than you are, as in the example I quoted, or if you nonconsensually take up all the conversational space.
Nice to know I may not be as pontifical as I think. People do ask & seem interested.
I think FQS ends up sounding like an underestimation of my own knowledge & if I think something is so it makes more sense to just say it than to ask it as a question. Just as MAS can make one sound like a too-certain blowhard, I think of my FQS as making me sound like a too-uncertain wimp. Not that there's anything wrong in being uncertain--it is, truly, the root of much wisdom--but rather in being unwilling, in that small way, to seem as certain as I feel I am.
FWIW, I don't think that stating one's knowledge in a relevant context, with respect to others in the conversation, makes one sound like a too-certain blowhard. What makes one sound like a too-certain blowhard is pretending to know things one doesn't, or not respecting the knowledge of one's conversation partners, or hogging the conversation space.
Likewise, I don't think that expressing one's knowledge with a question makes one sound like a too-uncertain wimp.
Both styles are cultural and gendered, and how one comes across depends on whom one is speaking to.
I personally think that saying "Isn't that...?" in some contexts invites participation rather than expressing wimpiness. In other contexts it feels manipulative, because it seems like the speaker is expecting me to agree. I guess it feels invitational when discussing facts and manipulative when discussing opinions.
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(And no, MAS isn't necessarily gendered ;)
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I think I'm worse about pontificating than I was, say, 20 years ago, in part because more of my social intercourse with friends is online, but also largely because I have specialized and gone deeper in specific areas that friends ask me about & I am happy to go on about. It's mutual, because I am very interested in hearing about areas others have specialized in--I soak it up like a dry sponge--but fewer conversations on nonpersonal topics are as mutual as they were.
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Why do you want to break it?
I don't think it counts as pontificating if someone wants to learn about the topic. I think it only counts if you're going on about something that the other person is more of an expert in than you are, as in the example I quoted, or if you nonconsensually take up all the conversational space.
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I think FQS ends up sounding like an underestimation of my own knowledge & if I think something is so it makes more sense to just say it than to ask it as a question. Just as MAS can make one sound like a too-certain blowhard, I think of my FQS as making me sound like a too-uncertain wimp. Not that there's anything wrong in being uncertain--it is, truly, the root of much wisdom--but rather in being unwilling, in that small way, to seem as certain as I feel I am.
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Likewise, I don't think that expressing one's knowledge with a question makes one sound like a too-uncertain wimp.
Both styles are cultural and gendered, and how one comes across depends on whom one is speaking to.
I personally think that saying "Isn't that...?" in some contexts invites participation rather than expressing wimpiness. In other contexts it feels manipulative, because it seems like the speaker is expecting me to agree. I guess it feels invitational when discussing facts and manipulative when discussing opinions.
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