[FIC] : Eclipse 1/?
Title: Eclipse 1/?
Rating: R
Genre: AU, Romance
Pairing/s: Jaejoong/Yoochun
Length: Chaptered
Disclaimer: Not ours, never were. So sad T_T
Summary: There were voices in Jaejoong's head, and he knew the voice will help him find his happiness.
Warning: Older!Uke xDD
A/N: From now on, lemonademelon and I will be posting on fire_of_eclipse ~ please do join our comm if you dont mind :DD but we will still cross post it on our journal and pairing comms :)
18.07.11 | Eclipse
They said there would be an eclipse at dawn.
Should I watch it? I sighed and tapped on the stirring wheel, waiting for the lamp to turn green.
Lunar eclipse sounds interesting. It must be beautiful. Maybe I should watch it.
The lamp turned green and I took a left turn, heading to my apartment building. I left my keys for the valet to park and went to the elevator and pressed the top floor. My penthouse felt dead as I stepped inside. I turned on the light on, but the orange glow it didn’t make it any warmer.
Loneliness gnawed on my bone, I could feel it creeping up my spine.
I sighed and threw my suitcase and coat to the couch, before stripping my clothes as I walked to the bathroom. I turned the shower on and stood there in silence, palms flat on the walls in front of me, as hot waters trickled down my body, enveloping me in a much needed warmth.
Changmin would bitch again if he knew I showered with too hot water, saying my skin would be even dryer, but I didn’t care. Not that night, anyway, I needed the shower. I stood there unmoving, drowned in my thoughts, for almost an hour.
After shower, I wore my most comfortable old oversized sweater and sweatpants. They were warm, although the autumn breeze had started blowing. I walked to my mini bar to grab a bottle of red wine and a glass before walking to my big balcony.
It was only midnight, there will be around two more hours until eclipse.
I poured myself a glass of wine and leaned to the balcony railings. The sky was dark and clear, almost as if it had prepared itself for the upcoming eclipse. The town under me shone just as brightly as the stars, but never as beautiful. Will never be as pure.
The streets were still busy, despite how people should be sleeping at this hour.
Maybe they were rushing to go home to their families.
Maybe they were trying to get to a warm bed with their lovers as soon as possible.
Maybe they were lonely people like me, hating their empty houses that they refused to go home.
I sighed; I’m hating my place. As everyone said, the higher you stand, the windier it gets. Being successful at such young age, everyone would try to get me down. Since I came back to Korea two years ago, life had been a lot harder. My friends were in Paris, having the time of their lives. The only friend I had here was Changmin, the only Korean I knew back then when I studied in Paris. Paris was perfect. I loved my study, and the job on our company branch after, as well as the people there. My stupid father just had to inherit his stupid company to me and force me to come home. It went downhill from there.
I hate not having anyone to talk to.
I pulled my phone and scrolled down my contacts. My friends in Paris would be working at this hour and Changmin would already be asleep.
Gosh, I hate this place. I almost hate myself for being so pathetic.
So fucking pathetic.
My father used to say loneliness are for poor people, because when you have money, you need no friend. He’s a bastard, I wanted to punch him on the face.
I gave up and put my phone back to my pocket.
I turned back to the town under me again and caught a rundown building not far from mine. I guessed it was a cheap two stories apartment. A guy was leaning to the railing on his hallway as well, although I couldn’t see his face at this distance and from the lack of light. A bottle of beer was on his hand.
I watched him for a while and wondered how his story went. Was he struggling with financial problems when I could burn money? Did he get his heart broken a thousand times when I’ve been single for quite some times? How much different could our lives be?
Or maybe, we kept the same aches and washed out dreams inside our hearts.
Somehow, I smiled. I felt less alone, like he was accompanying me for the night even though I’m not even sure he noticed me up here.
Then the eclipse started, I could see the moon reflected on my wine. Slowly, black shadows crept up the sides of the moon and finally, swallowed it as a whole, creating a ring of light in the sky. It was prepossessing indeed.
I didn’t know why I made a wish, because I didn’t see a single shooting star, but I did. I closed my eyes and prayed, “I don’t want to spend my whole life alone.”
I smiled to myself and enjoyed the rare view. I raised my glass to the stranger, “For us to live or life.”
I watched the eclipse until it disappeared, until sun peeked on the horizon, before going to bed.
***
Life is indeed short and fragile, we never know when our time is up. Whether you have all the money in the world or you’re simply one of those people who was born empty-handed; has the same, even destiny. Death. Maybe the only difference between them was, the other died with joy in his heart and the other one was still seeking for it.
I turned to look at the lifeless man in front of me, his eyes were closed, the usual warmth coming from him was now starting to leave his body, its like he was freezing himself, drowning to the coldness that only himself could feel.
Accident was the source of his death. Very typical. I wonder if he found his happiness while he was still alive or if he died without even finding it. Something stung inside me when I stared at him again, if you tried to look pass him you could see the answer.
He haven’t found it yet.
I sucked in my breath, fear crept inside me. I wouldn’t want to die like him, dying is scary enough but dying with loneliness in your heart is even scarier. Most awful, horrible, frightening feeling ever.
I will find my happiness.
I will find it.
I turned to look at my wristwatch and then at the swinging door waiting for someone to burst in looking for this man but no one seemed to care, no one was coming to see him for the last time. I felt sad, which I rarely felt and I found my hand land on his cold shoulder as though saying ‘You did great, my friend. Now, its time for you to go.’
What shocked me was when I leaned forward, letting my face leveled on his ear and then I whispered something to him...
“Seek your happiness for me.”
I didn’t know why I said that, I just did. Using the white blanket in my hands, I covered his whole frame and let the orderly take him down the morgue room.
I felt a familiar pat on my back, “What did you wish for this time?”
I looked at my hands with a small frown creased on my forehead while trying to ignore the way he asked me. “His happiness.” I replied, when I looked up I saw Junsu smiling down at me.
*"Hyung do you know? There is no one else like you in this world?"
I suddenly felt a tightness around my chest, the feeling I’d been suppressing since then, the feeling I’ve been hiding from anyone. I ignored his remark as I place the soiled cloth at the trash bin.
“Someday, you’ll be something to someone.” And then he left me.
I refused to understand what he said, of what he was implicating on his words. I am nobody and it will stay like that until the end.
I’ve been living all alone, I’ve learned to stand on my own, to live on my own. Well that was because, I have no one to lean on to begin with. I am a orphan. I am nobody.
True, Heaven Scent raised me and Sister Katherine is the closest woman I could call a mother. She dearly loves me as her own child and I love her the same but I know deep inside me there was, is, something missing in my life. So I left, I left Heaven Scent my only home and my only family behind to seek what was missing, I was just turning 15 at that time. Too young. Too young to stand on his own.
I’ve worked for 3 years saving money for my future, for my University fees. I was working day and night, 5 or more jobs in a week and only had a few hours of sleep everyday but I overcome that, and I couldn’t be more proud of myself by winning that simple game of life.
I was 19 when I got accepted at one of the famous University in town, I am an orphan but that doesn’t mean that I have no brain. No, I’m not bragging myself but I ranked 3rd place on my Entrance Examination but sad to say only the applicant with the highest academic record was selected at their Scholarship. But later on, when I’d learned that my savings were already at the alarming state, the University suddenly offered the ‘Work-Study Scholarship’ wherein I was required to work 40-60 hours every month as an assistant at various institution on our campus. 6,000 won per hour and totaling approximately 300,000 won per month.
I thought I could manage with that, but despite a monthly income coming from the University, studying at College of Nursing was still a pain in my pocket. Having left out without a choice, I applied on different loan companies wherein I could borrow money for my other expenses but unfortunately by the time I graduated at the age of 23 I still has tons of debts on my shoulder.
Now that I’m turning 25 in a couple of months, hopefully I’ll be free from all of the burden in my current state of life. I want to live with ease, without worry.
“You’ll be late if you keep that thoughts running.”
Junsu said from my side, he was typing something on the computer, charting. Junsu is actually the closest family I have here in Seoul and I’m thankful to have him as my friend, to at least have him on my side all the time.
“Don’t worry, Heechul is not expecting me tonight, he gave me a day off.”
“Ohh, remind me to thank him later.” Junsu replied with a sweetest smile on his face. I bid him goodbye and went home.
“Do you know there would be an Eclipse later at dawn?”
“Really? I’ve never seen one! Maybe we should watch it!”
“Yes! Lunar Eclipse is a must see!”
I cocked my head to the side, Lunar Eclipse? the words roll down my tongue. I haven’t seen one myself too, it sounds interesting, should I watch it? Maybe I should.
The clock striked 12 when I got out of my bathroom, I spent almost half an hour showering. Hot bath always relaxes my body and I love it. My phone blinks, red, a new message or probably some email notification coming from various spamming sites. I grabbed it; I smiled when I read the name that flashed on the screen, Heechul.
+ Maybe its a bad thing I let you off, my business is not good without you here.+
= Tell them don’t miss me much, I’ll be there tomorrow. =
I walked toward my mini fridge, a bottle of cheap beer for tonight and maybe a couple of sticks too. And then, I head outside, at my small balcony.
Not bothering to open the light, I leaned on the railing, staring at every passerby. Couples, Families, Group of teenagers, A man with his dog and the others who were waiting for the appearance of Eclipse were around, enjoying their time together.
Half the content of this cheap beer run down my throat, I scoffed, it’s like drinking the bitter taste of my life as well. How ironic. While everyone was enjoying their life, I was struggling with mine. They’re happy, I was miserable. They’re lucky, I was the opposite. They have someone, I am alone.
Another gulped. The bitter taste got stronger this time.
I looked up, the Eclipse had just started. The ring of light around it was indeed beautiful. So this was Lunar Eclipse, when the Sun, Earth and the Moon are aligned or closely aligned with each other. A voice rang inside my head, See? Nothing is impossible.
“Why are you whispering on them?”
Junsu’s words played on my head once again. Why? This question. I didn’t notice this behaviour not until Junsu pointed it out to me one day. To be honest, I don’t know the reason behind it.
I stared at the dark vast sky above me and then it hit me. Whispering something on them on their last string of life here on Earth was the easiest and fastest way for my wishes to be heard. It says that someone was there to fetch you, maybe he is an Angel, or maybe its God who was there. He would hear it for sure, my wishes.
But did my wishes ever come true? Even once? No. None of it.
I scoffed at myself, I’m so pathetic, so stupid.
I gulped down the last drop of my beer and stared to look at the stunning Eclipse at the sky, and for the last time I would let myself be pathetic again, to be stupid.
“Let me find my happiness,” I begged to the moon.
“Life is short Jaejoong-ah, we must do our best to live, to really live.”
***
“Life is short, Yoochun. At least show some effort to live it your best!” Changmin scolded me.
I ignored it, “Have you ever seen an eclipse?”
“What?”
I focused on the Rubik cubes on my hands. “Lunar eclipse. I watched one last month. It was beautiful.”
“You idiot, wasting your life away for nothing, watching eclipse and locking yourself in your office,” Changmin sighed. “Why am I even your friend? Who the hell are you? I demand Yoochun! Park Yoochun! Is he here?”
“Shut up,” I replied calmly and made the last twist before all the sides have the same color. I put it on the table and smirked at him, “Now, did you call me?”
“This bastard,” Changmin grinned. “Come on. I’ll pay for tonight’s drink. We’re going to be two pathetic single men on Christmas Eve.”
I laughed and followed him out our building. Despite being on Christmas eve where everyone should be home with their families, the street was as crowded as always. People were busy on their phones, hands full of presents they just brought. I smiled at one little girl carrying a box carefully, saying it was a special present for daddy. How cute, I thought, how lucky those who have families.
Changmin walked ahead of me, flirting with anything that is gorgeous and alive, even when she was holding her daughter’s hand. I chuckled, the Cassanova blood in Changmin never ceased. If I hadn’t known him better maybe we could’ve even dated, but now he’s the only real friend I’ve got.
Just when I realized I was drowned by my thoughts again, Changmin was already walking beside me. “Say, want to exchange gifts with me tomorrow?”
“Ha ha, no. What are you going to offer me? A prostitute?”
“No, I was thinking maybe you’d buy me that, but whatever. Scarfs works, I guess, Guess has a pretty nice collection the last time I checked.”
I laughed and punched his shoulder lightly. He pretended to be in pain and slung an arm around my shoulder. “Maybe I can buy you...a wallet?”
“I have tons of that already.”
“You have tons of scarfs too!”
“They’re so last season!”
“Gosh, stop bitching! You were not this annoying when we were in Paris.”
“You were not this pathetic when we were in Paris.”
“Exactly why I want to go back.”
Changmin smiled and ruffled my hair, “But you have a company to take care of now.”
I pouted, “Don’t want the company...”
Changmin laughed and pulled me closer. I leaned to his shoulder. Changmin had always been able to understand me. Thank God I still have such great friend. I looked to my right and Changmin passed the bar we usually go to. “Which bar are we going to?”
“A bar Yunho took me to last week. It was pretty awesome, I want to show it to you.”
I shrugged and followed his lead. He said he was paying anyway. As I turned back to the road in front of me, a flash of midnight black hair caught my eyes. Next was pale smooth skin of the man walking my direction, a few meters away, his eyes on the ground. After was broad shoulder and slim waist before finally, as the distance between us shortened to half, his long limbs. The man looked up.
A pair of brown orbs absorbed half of my soul.
The man seemed to notice me as well and we kept eye contact as we approached each other. I turned to look at him as he passed beside me, flashing a small smile, before turning away first, breaking our eye contact.
That moment, I felt half empty, as if the man walked away with half of my life with him.
“We’re here,” Changmin said and brought my attention back to real life. I nodded and spared a last glance over the stranger’s wide back as I entered the bar, feeling more pathetic than ever.
***
“Be safe!”
“I will!” I shouted back at Heechul. He let me off earlier than my usual working time this night in exchange for a whole work tomorrow night. Tomorrow is Christmas day, wait the last time I check its quarter to 12, so yeah, today is 25th, it’s already Christmas.
I slid my hands inside my Charcoal Gray colored jacket and slightly tighten the wool scarf around my neck, winter is not so my favorite season, the vibe always makes me even sadder.
I walked down the road, eyes fixed on the ground. Then moments after, I heard voices coming not from a far. Two voices, men.
Look up.
I frowned, Please, my frown grew deeper. Look up. And so I did. There was something inviting about his eyes, meeting his gaze has this pleasant feeling run down inside me. He was staring at me as well. I wonder what was running on his mind.
You.
I’m sure I’ve heard a whisper, a voice soft like the sweetest velvet that echoed through my ears. Then a small smile stretched his lips as we passed each other, his scent was so addicting.
I almost gasped out loud the moment he break our eye contact, its like he was sucking out half of my life with him. Taking without him knowing it.
I am half without you.
That was strange. This voice. It sounded and felt familiar. Wait. Wait. What voice? Whose voice? I turned to look around me, I am alone. I am walking alone on this road now, the guys I’ve seen a while ago was long gone by now and there was no way that was their voice.
I sucked on my breath, am I going crazy? Oh fuck, oh fuck I think I’m going crazy.
Me too.
My eyes widened in shock, “W-what? Who are you?” I didn’t received any reply.
CHAPTER 2
COMMENTS ARE LOVED :))
Rating: R
Genre: AU, Romance
Pairing/s: Jaejoong/Yoochun
Length: Chaptered
Disclaimer: Not ours, never were. So sad T_T
Summary: There were voices in Jaejoong's head, and he knew the voice will help him find his happiness.
Warning: Older!Uke xDD
A/N: From now on, lemonademelon and I will be posting on fire_of_eclipse ~ please do join our comm if you dont mind :DD but we will still cross post it on our journal and pairing comms :)
18.07.11 | Eclipse
They said there would be an eclipse at dawn.
Should I watch it? I sighed and tapped on the stirring wheel, waiting for the lamp to turn green.
Lunar eclipse sounds interesting. It must be beautiful. Maybe I should watch it.
The lamp turned green and I took a left turn, heading to my apartment building. I left my keys for the valet to park and went to the elevator and pressed the top floor. My penthouse felt dead as I stepped inside. I turned on the light on, but the orange glow it didn’t make it any warmer.
Loneliness gnawed on my bone, I could feel it creeping up my spine.
I sighed and threw my suitcase and coat to the couch, before stripping my clothes as I walked to the bathroom. I turned the shower on and stood there in silence, palms flat on the walls in front of me, as hot waters trickled down my body, enveloping me in a much needed warmth.
Changmin would bitch again if he knew I showered with too hot water, saying my skin would be even dryer, but I didn’t care. Not that night, anyway, I needed the shower. I stood there unmoving, drowned in my thoughts, for almost an hour.
After shower, I wore my most comfortable old oversized sweater and sweatpants. They were warm, although the autumn breeze had started blowing. I walked to my mini bar to grab a bottle of red wine and a glass before walking to my big balcony.
It was only midnight, there will be around two more hours until eclipse.
I poured myself a glass of wine and leaned to the balcony railings. The sky was dark and clear, almost as if it had prepared itself for the upcoming eclipse. The town under me shone just as brightly as the stars, but never as beautiful. Will never be as pure.
The streets were still busy, despite how people should be sleeping at this hour.
Maybe they were rushing to go home to their families.
Maybe they were trying to get to a warm bed with their lovers as soon as possible.
Maybe they were lonely people like me, hating their empty houses that they refused to go home.
I sighed; I’m hating my place. As everyone said, the higher you stand, the windier it gets. Being successful at such young age, everyone would try to get me down. Since I came back to Korea two years ago, life had been a lot harder. My friends were in Paris, having the time of their lives. The only friend I had here was Changmin, the only Korean I knew back then when I studied in Paris. Paris was perfect. I loved my study, and the job on our company branch after, as well as the people there. My stupid father just had to inherit his stupid company to me and force me to come home. It went downhill from there.
I hate not having anyone to talk to.
I pulled my phone and scrolled down my contacts. My friends in Paris would be working at this hour and Changmin would already be asleep.
Gosh, I hate this place. I almost hate myself for being so pathetic.
So fucking pathetic.
My father used to say loneliness are for poor people, because when you have money, you need no friend. He’s a bastard, I wanted to punch him on the face.
I gave up and put my phone back to my pocket.
I turned back to the town under me again and caught a rundown building not far from mine. I guessed it was a cheap two stories apartment. A guy was leaning to the railing on his hallway as well, although I couldn’t see his face at this distance and from the lack of light. A bottle of beer was on his hand.
I watched him for a while and wondered how his story went. Was he struggling with financial problems when I could burn money? Did he get his heart broken a thousand times when I’ve been single for quite some times? How much different could our lives be?
Or maybe, we kept the same aches and washed out dreams inside our hearts.
Somehow, I smiled. I felt less alone, like he was accompanying me for the night even though I’m not even sure he noticed me up here.
Then the eclipse started, I could see the moon reflected on my wine. Slowly, black shadows crept up the sides of the moon and finally, swallowed it as a whole, creating a ring of light in the sky. It was prepossessing indeed.
I didn’t know why I made a wish, because I didn’t see a single shooting star, but I did. I closed my eyes and prayed, “I don’t want to spend my whole life alone.”
I smiled to myself and enjoyed the rare view. I raised my glass to the stranger, “For us to live or life.”
I watched the eclipse until it disappeared, until sun peeked on the horizon, before going to bed.
***
Life is indeed short and fragile, we never know when our time is up. Whether you have all the money in the world or you’re simply one of those people who was born empty-handed; has the same, even destiny. Death. Maybe the only difference between them was, the other died with joy in his heart and the other one was still seeking for it.
I turned to look at the lifeless man in front of me, his eyes were closed, the usual warmth coming from him was now starting to leave his body, its like he was freezing himself, drowning to the coldness that only himself could feel.
Accident was the source of his death. Very typical. I wonder if he found his happiness while he was still alive or if he died without even finding it. Something stung inside me when I stared at him again, if you tried to look pass him you could see the answer.
He haven’t found it yet.
I sucked in my breath, fear crept inside me. I wouldn’t want to die like him, dying is scary enough but dying with loneliness in your heart is even scarier. Most awful, horrible, frightening feeling ever.
I will find my happiness.
I will find it.
I turned to look at my wristwatch and then at the swinging door waiting for someone to burst in looking for this man but no one seemed to care, no one was coming to see him for the last time. I felt sad, which I rarely felt and I found my hand land on his cold shoulder as though saying ‘You did great, my friend. Now, its time for you to go.’
What shocked me was when I leaned forward, letting my face leveled on his ear and then I whispered something to him...
“Seek your happiness for me.”
I didn’t know why I said that, I just did. Using the white blanket in my hands, I covered his whole frame and let the orderly take him down the morgue room.
I felt a familiar pat on my back, “What did you wish for this time?”
I looked at my hands with a small frown creased on my forehead while trying to ignore the way he asked me. “His happiness.” I replied, when I looked up I saw Junsu smiling down at me.
*"Hyung do you know? There is no one else like you in this world?"
I suddenly felt a tightness around my chest, the feeling I’d been suppressing since then, the feeling I’ve been hiding from anyone. I ignored his remark as I place the soiled cloth at the trash bin.
“Someday, you’ll be something to someone.” And then he left me.
I refused to understand what he said, of what he was implicating on his words. I am nobody and it will stay like that until the end.
I’ve been living all alone, I’ve learned to stand on my own, to live on my own. Well that was because, I have no one to lean on to begin with. I am a orphan. I am nobody.
True, Heaven Scent raised me and Sister Katherine is the closest woman I could call a mother. She dearly loves me as her own child and I love her the same but I know deep inside me there was, is, something missing in my life. So I left, I left Heaven Scent my only home and my only family behind to seek what was missing, I was just turning 15 at that time. Too young. Too young to stand on his own.
I’ve worked for 3 years saving money for my future, for my University fees. I was working day and night, 5 or more jobs in a week and only had a few hours of sleep everyday but I overcome that, and I couldn’t be more proud of myself by winning that simple game of life.
I was 19 when I got accepted at one of the famous University in town, I am an orphan but that doesn’t mean that I have no brain. No, I’m not bragging myself but I ranked 3rd place on my Entrance Examination but sad to say only the applicant with the highest academic record was selected at their Scholarship. But later on, when I’d learned that my savings were already at the alarming state, the University suddenly offered the ‘Work-Study Scholarship’ wherein I was required to work 40-60 hours every month as an assistant at various institution on our campus. 6,000 won per hour and totaling approximately 300,000 won per month.
I thought I could manage with that, but despite a monthly income coming from the University, studying at College of Nursing was still a pain in my pocket. Having left out without a choice, I applied on different loan companies wherein I could borrow money for my other expenses but unfortunately by the time I graduated at the age of 23 I still has tons of debts on my shoulder.
Now that I’m turning 25 in a couple of months, hopefully I’ll be free from all of the burden in my current state of life. I want to live with ease, without worry.
“You’ll be late if you keep that thoughts running.”
Junsu said from my side, he was typing something on the computer, charting. Junsu is actually the closest family I have here in Seoul and I’m thankful to have him as my friend, to at least have him on my side all the time.
“Don’t worry, Heechul is not expecting me tonight, he gave me a day off.”
“Ohh, remind me to thank him later.” Junsu replied with a sweetest smile on his face. I bid him goodbye and went home.
“Do you know there would be an Eclipse later at dawn?”
“Really? I’ve never seen one! Maybe we should watch it!”
“Yes! Lunar Eclipse is a must see!”
I cocked my head to the side, Lunar Eclipse? the words roll down my tongue. I haven’t seen one myself too, it sounds interesting, should I watch it? Maybe I should.
The clock striked 12 when I got out of my bathroom, I spent almost half an hour showering. Hot bath always relaxes my body and I love it. My phone blinks, red, a new message or probably some email notification coming from various spamming sites. I grabbed it; I smiled when I read the name that flashed on the screen, Heechul.
+ Maybe its a bad thing I let you off, my business is not good without you here.+
= Tell them don’t miss me much, I’ll be there tomorrow. =
I walked toward my mini fridge, a bottle of cheap beer for tonight and maybe a couple of sticks too. And then, I head outside, at my small balcony.
Not bothering to open the light, I leaned on the railing, staring at every passerby. Couples, Families, Group of teenagers, A man with his dog and the others who were waiting for the appearance of Eclipse were around, enjoying their time together.
Half the content of this cheap beer run down my throat, I scoffed, it’s like drinking the bitter taste of my life as well. How ironic. While everyone was enjoying their life, I was struggling with mine. They’re happy, I was miserable. They’re lucky, I was the opposite. They have someone, I am alone.
Another gulped. The bitter taste got stronger this time.
I looked up, the Eclipse had just started. The ring of light around it was indeed beautiful. So this was Lunar Eclipse, when the Sun, Earth and the Moon are aligned or closely aligned with each other. A voice rang inside my head, See? Nothing is impossible.
“Why are you whispering on them?”
Junsu’s words played on my head once again. Why? This question. I didn’t notice this behaviour not until Junsu pointed it out to me one day. To be honest, I don’t know the reason behind it.
I stared at the dark vast sky above me and then it hit me. Whispering something on them on their last string of life here on Earth was the easiest and fastest way for my wishes to be heard. It says that someone was there to fetch you, maybe he is an Angel, or maybe its God who was there. He would hear it for sure, my wishes.
But did my wishes ever come true? Even once? No. None of it.
I scoffed at myself, I’m so pathetic, so stupid.
I gulped down the last drop of my beer and stared to look at the stunning Eclipse at the sky, and for the last time I would let myself be pathetic again, to be stupid.
“Let me find my happiness,” I begged to the moon.
“Life is short Jaejoong-ah, we must do our best to live, to really live.”
***
“Life is short, Yoochun. At least show some effort to live it your best!” Changmin scolded me.
I ignored it, “Have you ever seen an eclipse?”
“What?”
I focused on the Rubik cubes on my hands. “Lunar eclipse. I watched one last month. It was beautiful.”
“You idiot, wasting your life away for nothing, watching eclipse and locking yourself in your office,” Changmin sighed. “Why am I even your friend? Who the hell are you? I demand Yoochun! Park Yoochun! Is he here?”
“Shut up,” I replied calmly and made the last twist before all the sides have the same color. I put it on the table and smirked at him, “Now, did you call me?”
“This bastard,” Changmin grinned. “Come on. I’ll pay for tonight’s drink. We’re going to be two pathetic single men on Christmas Eve.”
I laughed and followed him out our building. Despite being on Christmas eve where everyone should be home with their families, the street was as crowded as always. People were busy on their phones, hands full of presents they just brought. I smiled at one little girl carrying a box carefully, saying it was a special present for daddy. How cute, I thought, how lucky those who have families.
Changmin walked ahead of me, flirting with anything that is gorgeous and alive, even when she was holding her daughter’s hand. I chuckled, the Cassanova blood in Changmin never ceased. If I hadn’t known him better maybe we could’ve even dated, but now he’s the only real friend I’ve got.
Just when I realized I was drowned by my thoughts again, Changmin was already walking beside me. “Say, want to exchange gifts with me tomorrow?”
“Ha ha, no. What are you going to offer me? A prostitute?”
“No, I was thinking maybe you’d buy me that, but whatever. Scarfs works, I guess, Guess has a pretty nice collection the last time I checked.”
I laughed and punched his shoulder lightly. He pretended to be in pain and slung an arm around my shoulder. “Maybe I can buy you...a wallet?”
“I have tons of that already.”
“You have tons of scarfs too!”
“They’re so last season!”
“Gosh, stop bitching! You were not this annoying when we were in Paris.”
“You were not this pathetic when we were in Paris.”
“Exactly why I want to go back.”
Changmin smiled and ruffled my hair, “But you have a company to take care of now.”
I pouted, “Don’t want the company...”
Changmin laughed and pulled me closer. I leaned to his shoulder. Changmin had always been able to understand me. Thank God I still have such great friend. I looked to my right and Changmin passed the bar we usually go to. “Which bar are we going to?”
“A bar Yunho took me to last week. It was pretty awesome, I want to show it to you.”
I shrugged and followed his lead. He said he was paying anyway. As I turned back to the road in front of me, a flash of midnight black hair caught my eyes. Next was pale smooth skin of the man walking my direction, a few meters away, his eyes on the ground. After was broad shoulder and slim waist before finally, as the distance between us shortened to half, his long limbs. The man looked up.
A pair of brown orbs absorbed half of my soul.
The man seemed to notice me as well and we kept eye contact as we approached each other. I turned to look at him as he passed beside me, flashing a small smile, before turning away first, breaking our eye contact.
That moment, I felt half empty, as if the man walked away with half of my life with him.
“We’re here,” Changmin said and brought my attention back to real life. I nodded and spared a last glance over the stranger’s wide back as I entered the bar, feeling more pathetic than ever.
***
“Be safe!”
“I will!” I shouted back at Heechul. He let me off earlier than my usual working time this night in exchange for a whole work tomorrow night. Tomorrow is Christmas day, wait the last time I check its quarter to 12, so yeah, today is 25th, it’s already Christmas.
I slid my hands inside my Charcoal Gray colored jacket and slightly tighten the wool scarf around my neck, winter is not so my favorite season, the vibe always makes me even sadder.
I walked down the road, eyes fixed on the ground. Then moments after, I heard voices coming not from a far. Two voices, men.
Look up.
I frowned, Please, my frown grew deeper. Look up. And so I did. There was something inviting about his eyes, meeting his gaze has this pleasant feeling run down inside me. He was staring at me as well. I wonder what was running on his mind.
You.
I’m sure I’ve heard a whisper, a voice soft like the sweetest velvet that echoed through my ears. Then a small smile stretched his lips as we passed each other, his scent was so addicting.
I almost gasped out loud the moment he break our eye contact, its like he was sucking out half of my life with him. Taking without him knowing it.
I am half without you.
That was strange. This voice. It sounded and felt familiar. Wait. Wait. What voice? Whose voice? I turned to look around me, I am alone. I am walking alone on this road now, the guys I’ve seen a while ago was long gone by now and there was no way that was their voice.
I sucked on my breath, am I going crazy? Oh fuck, oh fuck I think I’m going crazy.
Me too.
My eyes widened in shock, “W-what? Who are you?” I didn’t received any reply.
CHAPTER 2
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