Fic: Two on the Couch 1/4 (CSI, Nick Stokes/ Greg Sanders)
Title: Two on the couch 1/4
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Nick / Greg
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing with them.
Spoilers: Playing with Fire, Grave Danger
“So, how are you doing?” Doctor Anderson leaned back in her chair.
“I’m fine.”
“Nick, you don’t look fine. How do you sleep?”
“Badly, thanks for asking.”
“Are you still having nightmares?”
“Sometimes.”
“How often is sometimes?”
“Do we have to go through this again-”
“Yes, we do. And I’m disappointed that I need to remind you of your situation
once again.” Doctor leaned across the table. “The reason you were allowed
back to the field was that I gave it my consent. And what was the condition
for that?”
“Do I have to-”
“You have to. What was the condition?”
Nick let out a frustrated sigh. “That I come here once a week.”
“That’s right, and if I see a reason to take you off field work, I will do so.”
“Fine…”
“Back to your nightmares. Some of your team mates told me you’ve been
sleeping on the couch in the break room. Are you tired or do you have some
other reason for that?”
“It’s just easier.”
“What is easier?”
“Sleeping. When there’s people around.”
“Do you feel safer when you are among people?”
“Yeah.”
“And when you are in your own bed?”
“That’s when the nightmares come.”
“And it’s always the same dream?”
“I was buried alive, how many variations of that can there be?”
“I see. You told me before you haven’t had any serious relationships
for years. Can you tell me why?”
“What does that have to do with this?”
“When people are scared to be alone, they usually try to hold on to their
relationships, whether they are good or not. You don’t want to be alone,
yet it has been your lifestyle for a long time. Even before all this happened.”
“They just didn’t work. Why should I try to make them work if they don’t work?”
“Wasn’t there even one that you wanted to work for, and tried to make it last?”
Nick was silent for a while. “One. But that wasn’t even a relationship. And
when I decided I wanted to make it work it was already too late.”
“Tell me about it.”
“It was one of my co-workers. We had this thing…”
“Thing?”
“Well, not a `thing`. When I came to the lab we flirted. Time after time. It
was so automatic I didn’t even realize I kept doing it. And then… Do you
remember the explosion in the lab? Over two years ago?”
“That was before my time, but I think I read about it in the news papers.”
“He was there when it happened. And he got hurt.”
“He?”
“Yeah.” Nick blushed. “He.”
“Continue.”
“Well, he was in the hospital for some time, but then he came back to
work. After a while, he couldn’t do it anymore.”
“Work in the lab?”
“Yeah. The lab was rebuilt, but he couldn’t stand being there anymore.”
“That’s understandable.”
“I guess. I came in for my shift one evening and the first thing I heard was
about him. He quit. Just like that. He had a job offer from Chicago, and
he just quit. I met him in the locker room, when he came to get his stuff.”
“And?”
“And I tried to get him to stay. He said that…”
“What?”
“He said that he had nothing to loose, so he would just say it. He said we
had been flirting for years, but it never went anywhere.”
“Well, that was the truth. Wasn’t it?”
“It was, but… I never even thought what would happen if I took it further. It
never even crossed my mind. When he actually said it, I kinda… blacked out.”
“Blacked out?”
“I mean I was stunned, that I had never actually done anything to make
it happen.”
“Did you want to?”
“Yeah, but right then… I was just overwhelmed. He told me that…”
“Yes?”
“That if I wanted him to stay, I would have to give him a reason to stay.”
“What did you say?”
“Nothing. That’s the point. I knew it was going to be the only chance I had,
but I couldn’t get it out. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. And then he left.”
“Didn’t you try to contact him later?”
“He didn’t tell anyone in the lab his address or where he worked.”
“Nick, that’s a pretty poor excuse.”
“I know. But I know he’s not gonna give me another chance.”
“So, you don’t do anything about it. But you think what could have been?”
“Yeah.”
“How often do you think about it?”
“Every time I go to bed.”