Fic: The End is Where We Begin (Harry Potter -- Sirius/Remus) PG
Title: The End is Where We Begin (5/31)
Author: kingzgurl
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Word Count: 525
Rating: PG
Prompt: scarvesnhats day five
Timeline: Marauder’s Era, sixth year
Summary: Remus reflects in the aftermath of Sirius’ betrayal.
***
Remus was curled up on the hard stone floor of the area that was quickly becoming his favorite part of the castle. On the first day of term, the headmaster had firmly forbidden students to spend time in that particular wing of the castle, but for Remus, it was the only place he knew he wouldn’t be followed.
Dirt-covered stone surrounded the thin boy, protecting him from the wind and swirling leaves of the Hogwarts grounds. The deep shining ochres and burnt umber of fall reminded him too strongly of what he had lost and what his future had in store for him, and so he took comfort in the faded grey of the dirty room.
He had always loved autumn. He enjoyed the time between the sweltering heat of and the frozen tundra of winter. It was a time of change and development, a time to pull old scarves and jumpers from storage, and a time to show off new coats before they became a necessity rather than something to be excited about.
In his current state of mind, however, all Remus saw outside was the end. The end of friendship, the end of opportunity, the end of Moony. The ultimate end of life. Death.
Through the open window Remus watched the last leaf fall from a skeletal tree. He sighed and turned back to his parchment, hoping the distraction of school work would serve as exactly that: a distraction.
Ten minutes later, light footfalls drew his attention away from his textbook.
“Moony?” Sirius’ voice came uncertainly from the hall. “Moony?”
“Moony doesn’t exist anymore,” Remus spat when Sirius appeared in the doorway. His voice filled with pain when he spoke, “Leave me alone.”
“But Moony!” Sirius protested weakly.
“Moony is gone. Now leave,” he replied firmly, his voice steady even though his hands shook uncontrollably.
“Remus,” Sirius whispered almost in-audibly as he turned to leave. “I’m sorry.”
When he was alone once again, Remus crumpled the parchment he had been working on and threw it across the room, where he watched with fascination as it burst into flames and was consumed by fire. It burned quickly until all that remained was ash that disappeared on the wind.
Remus contemplated the space where fire had once burned.
Ring around the roses, a pocket full of posies, ashes ashes, we all fall down.
Fire. Ashes. Death.
He was not a phoenix. Where the bird would burn and then be reborn from the ashes, he did not have that opportunity. He had only one life. One life that had already ended before it had the chance to begin. His life was taken away by the one who had given it to him in the first place.
Before Sirius, before Hogwarts, Remus hadn’t known what he was missing. Then Sirius befriended him and showed him what it was to truly live, only to take it away again. Remus reached in his bag for another piece of parchment and made a second attempt at writing his essay.
The only thing he succeeded in writing however, was one sentence:
Is it worth living without him?
Author: kingzgurl
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Word Count: 525
Rating: PG
Prompt: scarvesnhats day five
Timeline: Marauder’s Era, sixth year
Summary: Remus reflects in the aftermath of Sirius’ betrayal.
***
Remus was curled up on the hard stone floor of the area that was quickly becoming his favorite part of the castle. On the first day of term, the headmaster had firmly forbidden students to spend time in that particular wing of the castle, but for Remus, it was the only place he knew he wouldn’t be followed.
Dirt-covered stone surrounded the thin boy, protecting him from the wind and swirling leaves of the Hogwarts grounds. The deep shining ochres and burnt umber of fall reminded him too strongly of what he had lost and what his future had in store for him, and so he took comfort in the faded grey of the dirty room.
He had always loved autumn. He enjoyed the time between the sweltering heat of and the frozen tundra of winter. It was a time of change and development, a time to pull old scarves and jumpers from storage, and a time to show off new coats before they became a necessity rather than something to be excited about.
In his current state of mind, however, all Remus saw outside was the end. The end of friendship, the end of opportunity, the end of Moony. The ultimate end of life. Death.
Through the open window Remus watched the last leaf fall from a skeletal tree. He sighed and turned back to his parchment, hoping the distraction of school work would serve as exactly that: a distraction.
Ten minutes later, light footfalls drew his attention away from his textbook.
“Moony?” Sirius’ voice came uncertainly from the hall. “Moony?”
“Moony doesn’t exist anymore,” Remus spat when Sirius appeared in the doorway. His voice filled with pain when he spoke, “Leave me alone.”
“But Moony!” Sirius protested weakly.
“Moony is gone. Now leave,” he replied firmly, his voice steady even though his hands shook uncontrollably.
“Remus,” Sirius whispered almost in-audibly as he turned to leave. “I’m sorry.”
When he was alone once again, Remus crumpled the parchment he had been working on and threw it across the room, where he watched with fascination as it burst into flames and was consumed by fire. It burned quickly until all that remained was ash that disappeared on the wind.
Remus contemplated the space where fire had once burned.
Ring around the roses, a pocket full of posies, ashes ashes, we all fall down.
Fire. Ashes. Death.
He was not a phoenix. Where the bird would burn and then be reborn from the ashes, he did not have that opportunity. He had only one life. One life that had already ended before it had the chance to begin. His life was taken away by the one who had given it to him in the first place.
Before Sirius, before Hogwarts, Remus hadn’t known what he was missing. Then Sirius befriended him and showed him what it was to truly live, only to take it away again. Remus reached in his bag for another piece of parchment and made a second attempt at writing his essay.
The only thing he succeeded in writing however, was one sentence:
Is it worth living without him?