Babel 2/?
Babel 2
CL being difficult, vices, sex
TOP/CL, AU, NC-17
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Seunghyun awakes to an empty bed at 4am. That, in and of itself, isn't anomalous. Until he remembers the previous night's events. He gives a brief thought to how strange it is that the glass doors to the balcony have been thrown wide open, frosty mid-autumn gust chilling his bones as it howls through the house. It's probably 3 degrees celsius out tonight.
Chaerin has probably gone back to her room, his mind supplies. So he rolls out of bed, shivering slightly and heads to close the doors before going to check on her. He stops short, heart plummeting to the pit of his soul, when he notices Chaerin leaning over the railings precariously. Her body is folded in half, balancing over the top metal bar. He holds his breath, for fear that she might tip over and fall 11 floors down. A long moment passes before he grows aware of the fact that Chaerin is stark naked, gangly limbs lax against the cold metal rails. Her sleepwear hangs over the lone wicker armchair, it's a riot of colors against the monotony of his sparse balcony.
Anger, trepidation, frustration and worry bubbles over in a tidal wave of emotion and he yells at her before he can quell his fury. The bellow sounds empty and loud in the inky black sky.
Catching her arm in a vice grip, he pulls her off the railing and spins her around to face him. How dare Chaerin treat herself so carelessly when he puts her above everything else, how dare she regard her existence as something so atomic when he is so willing to give up his own for hers. How dare she.
She looks up at him quizzically and then blows smoke in his face, giggling as she does so. Weed, it smells like weed, sweet and cloying.
"Ah.. I just wanted to get a closer look of the, you know, lawn. No need to get your panties in a bunch!" she says, gesturing around vaguely with a little laugh.
Seunghyun glares at her speechlessly, shocked into dumbness by her absurdity as she takes another drag from the messily-rolled stick. Then she leans in to kiss him, smirking through the lip lock after exhaling into his mouth. Anger tinges the edge of his vision, makes the hash taste bitter, stale, awful even. He has no idea how long Chaerin has been out unclad in the biting cold but her face is turning quite very blue and her torso feels like dry ice to his touch. And he can hear her teeth chattering in her head, can feel her body shivering violently.
He drags her in after him, savagely slamming the doors shut. But Chaerin doesn't bat an eyelid at his manhandling, doesn't even let it bother her. She stumbles past him to lie at the edge of his bed, blithely puffing away without a care in the world. Her pallid skin glows a sickly white under the murky moonlight streaming in. It makes him so mad that she looks so ill even in the faint light, makes him so mad at himself, so mad at her, so mad at the world.
"Kinda cold today huh... 'S it winter already? Your sheets feel reaaaaal good, Seungie. And soft. Like marshmallows. I think marshmallows feel like that. Do we have Macallen downstairs? Wait, where are my clothes. I want some of that 12 year. Ohhhhh, wait did we have sex? Aw fuck..." Chaerin trills lackadaisically, spacing the words out at odd intervals.
Seunghyun can't breathe. The urge to yell at her nearly consumes him but he can't bring himself to raise his voice at her, so he stands there seething, watching the smoke rise from her thin lips in wispy elegant strands.
All of a sudden, she stands up and ambles out on shaky feet. Seunghyun follows her out after a long beat of brooding; ire and grief simmering in his blood like a noxious substance. He briefly wonders how much longer it will be until he has to see a psychiatrist himself. Maybe they could attend together. Seeing Chaerin behave like this battered his heart, mauled his sanity and twisted his gut. Everything hurts so bad sometimes, like a knife carving at his heart.
Chaerin is seated by the bar, her bony knees ruefully drawn up to her bare chest as she pours out a whole mug of scotch for herself. Before she can lift it to her lips though, Seunghyun snatches it from her grasp and downs it in one long shot. It burns all the way down his throat, past his chest and into his churning gut.
"Huh. You stole my drink," she croaks from her perch, trying to focus her gaze on him
"So what? Who the fuck drinks scotch by the mug anyway," he retorts impertinently, turning his nose up slightly, much like a defiant grade school kid.
An apprehensive look crosses her features, but it's gone in an instant. When she reaches out once more to take a swig from the bottle, Seunghyun knocks it out of her hands. A deafening crash resonates and the overturned whisky spreads steadily in a pool, running over the neat white Italian granite tiling. Seunghyun can't bring himself to care. He scoops her frigid body up in this arms, carries her back up and unceremoniously dumps her on the bed. He gets in too, pulling the covers over them and draping himself around her in an effort at thawing her skeletal, frost-bound form.
"Sleep," he commands.
Seunghyun is too exhausted to deal with anything of this complexity, he just wants them to go back to sleep. And how he's drunk to boot. Or about to be. That was probably 5 full shots he downed straight up. He feels his head swimming slightly, vertigo closing in on him. Seunghyun closes his eyes tiredly, ready to give in to the demanding fatigue.
However, they fly open no sooner after he shuts them.
"What do you think you are doing," he breathes out angrily.
"Fuck me," she whispers, grinding up against his crotch.
"No, not tonight, Chae-"
She twists around, smashing her lips against his before he can continue, an untamed hand massaging his member almost brutally.
"Stop it," he demands around her harassing tongue, clasping her persuasive hand tightly.
"Stop being like this, Chaerin, it's half past four in the fucking morning...," he continues with a frustrated sigh.
And then hot, wet tears are abruptly staining both their cheeks, over and across the undulating planes of their faces. Seunghyun can't quite make sure which of them is crying, too lost in his own whirlwind of emotions. Until Chaerin takes a deep shaky breath.
Then, his heart skydives.
His hands immediately fly up to cup her face, thumbs wiping at the tear tracks that run down her cheeks. Regret floods in like an oncoming tsunami, swallowing him whole, he didn't meant to make her cry. This entire morning had been nothing but trying and he was feeling uncharacteristically impatient and vile.
"Shit, Chaerin I'm sorry," he gently kisses her damp eyelids. "I'm sorry baby," pecks the tip of her nose. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," grazes the corner of her quivering lips. "Forgive me, I'm sorry," he exhales against her lips and kisses her softly.
"Don't ...not want me Seunghyun, don't leave me alone. It feels like you don't love me anymore, like you've grown tired of me. Please don't. I'll be better, I promise. What do you not like? Am I not thin enough? Am I not good enough? Am I doing something wrong? Is it..., is it... that? I... I'm sorry. I tried to clean myself. I can't get the stain off, I can't, I can't. Don't throw me away, Seunghyun," Chaerin chokes out in between her tears.
Seunghyun can feel her literally fall apart in his arms. His thudding heart gives an excruciating squeeze, caustic in its strength. The anguished desperation in her words leave an unpleasant sour aftertaste in his mouth and he swallows the lump forming in his throat.
"I.. no. I won't. You're perfect and worthy. It's okay. I still like you, want you, love you, Chaerin, more so than ever. Don't ever think like that again. I love you, so much that it hurts, I love you," Seunghyun's words come out in a broken rush.
He closes his eyes, against the pain building in his chest and pulls her closer.
"But I've been soiled," she whispers.
He runs warm fingers along her nape. "Don't say that,"
"Can you ...fuck me," she says, voice softer than a whisper now. She laces her fingers in his.
They stopped having sex after what happened three months ago. She's not mentally strong enough for it, the doctor had said. It might be too traumatic for her. Her mind's too fragile. Seunghyun knows better than anyone else the repercussions of agreeing to her request. The voice of reason inside of him is vehement in its disagreement.
He doesn't reply, just squeezes her hand gently and traces the back of her palm with his thumb.
"Chaerin..." he says.
"Please," she squirms slightly and presses a small kiss against his jaw.
He lets his hand fall to her hip, cautiously drawing light circles against it, searching her face for any signs of distress. "Are you sure?"
She nods against his collarbone, and tilts her head up to kiss him. It is slightly hesitant, timid, like a scared and abused child. Which isn't far from what she is. She relaxes incrementally in his hold when he kisses back, as far as open and trusting can get for Chaerin. If Chaerin wants it, Seunghyun doesn't have it in him to turn her down. He says a silent prayer and lets himself go.
He lets her pull his clothes off slowly, doesn't push her or hurry her, just watches her every move attentively. He let's her set the pace, patiently waiting on her. She pauses before undoing his pants, looking up at him for affirmation. He doesn't say anything, merely kisses her again.
A few moments pass before she wraps her fingers around his length. Then she looks up at him again with something akin to fear in her eyes. Maybe she isn't ready for this yet. Seunghyun is ready to pull her hand away but then she bends over his lap and takes it in her mouth. He freezes and doesn't dare to breathe. Until she starts sucking, softly at first. And it feels so good.
Seunghyun shudders, biting back a groan when Chaerin swirls her tongue around his tip slowly and lets it slip out from her mouth. Then she sits up in between his lean thighs and brings his hand up to suck on his fingers. Seunghyun stares, entranced by the way her lips move around them.
He hesitates, his slick fingers hovering in between her spread thighs. Her grip on his bicep is tight, if that is any measure of her distress. Chaerin looks at him straight in his eyes, her pupils blown wide with apprehension.
"Do you want me to stop?" he asks quietly. But she shakes her head carefully.
"Tell me if it gets too much," he says before leaning over to kiss her, carding his other hand in her hair.
And then he sinks a slippery digit into her. Chaerin sounds a delicate sigh, tremoring from the pleasure. He draws back slightly to look at her. Her eyes flutter shut when he runs the pad of his thumb over her clit. She chokes lightly when he curls two fingers inside of her so he kisses her again, chewing lightly on her lip to distract her as he slowly draws it in and out. Her body tenses beneath his hand when he pushes three fingers in, the stress evident in her expression. He runs his free hand down her chest, leaning down to suckle on a pink nub, intent on bringing her pleasure. With a quiet moan, she arches against the bed into his warm, inviting mouth, breath quickening.
She sighs his name breathlessly. The sound of it makes blood rush to his aching length, viscous pre-come coating the tip. The way Chaerin's body responds to even the slightest of his touches makes his skin tingle with heady desire.
When Seunghyun finally pushes into her, Chaerin lets out a startled cry, pain etching an ethereal poem across her face.
"You okay?" he asks tenderly, stroking her jaw. She opens her eyes and nods with a slight frown.
It is a long moment before Seunghyun moves, slowly drawing his engorged length in and out of her moist heat. It is astonishingly tight. The feeling of her lush velvet walls coating every inch of his shaft has him moaning shakily.
He can't breathe quite properly, awareness existing solely in his swollen length gloved in her snug-fit. Every pull back and push in is tortuously good. Chaerin winds her hands around his nape, feeling pleasure transcend affliction as he fucks her with measured strokes. She gasps each time he drives into her, hitting home base. Her hands slip and she presses her fingers into his firm shoulders, grip growing tighter with every stroke he takes. Her thighs tremble with the need to come, impending orgasm coiling in her gut like a tightly-wound guitar string.
Seunghyun's breaths come in heavy pants, it rings loud in his own ears . His strokes gradually lose precision and give way to short, frantic thrusts. The muscles in his stomach tightening with needy lust. He feels himself nearing, vaguely aware of the heat pooling.
Chaerin moans quietly beneath him, "Seunghyun, Seunghyun, Seunghyun." The expression that blossoms across her face is beautiful, breath-taking and Seunghyun can't tear his eyes away from her, doesn't want to. And then Chaerin comes with a soft keen, orgasm shaking her body and hips canting in an upward stutter. Seunghyun follows right behind, her walls clenching around his member. He feels his nuts draw up tight before he comes to white flashing behind his eyes, releasing thick ropes into her with a deep-throated growl.
They ride it out together, every cell in their bodies steeped in pleasure and exhaustion from making love.
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