The Old Possum's Book of Practical Cons?

[filkerdave]

Originally by Rick Moen, reposted here from SMOFS with permission

The Naming of Cons
(w/apologies to T.S. Eliot)

The naming of cons is a difficult matter,
It isn't just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I'm mad as a hatter
When I tell you a con must have
Three Different Names.

First of all, there's the name
that the fen use so-very,
Such as Wester, or World, Easter or MidAmeri --
All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names
if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the furry fans, some for role games;
Such as Loscon, Gallifrey, DeepSouthCon, Fanime--
But all of them sensible everyday names.

But I tell you,
a con needs a name that's particular,
A name that is peculiar, and less dignified,
Else how can it keep its program curricular,
Or spread out its flyers,
or bid it worldwide?

Of names of this kind,
I can give you a quorum,
Such as Helicon, Nola or Bucconneer,
Such as ConFederation, or else 'lennium --
Names that never belong to more than one year.

But above and beyond
there's still one name left over,
And that is the name that you will never guess;
The name that no human research can discover--
But the SMOF Himself Knows,
and will never confess.

When you notice a SMOF in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in rapt contemplation
Of the thought,
Of the thought,
Of the thought of that name:
That ineffable effable
Effanzineeffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name.