The Kohler-Wielle Legacy: Generation Red 3.4:- Date or Incinerate Episode Two
CAUTION: 68 pics for a 3.5MB download. Necro-style sexy times, death, destruction, FIRE, language, Wilson... But funnily enough, no nudity.
Need to catch up? Kohler-Wielle Archive or Legacy Roundup
We open this legacy at 3am Sims time to discover, SYRAH CRAWLING INTO BED WITH JORY! O_O;;; To my knowledge I don't have a hack that allows less caring about who's in who's bed installed. WHAT IS THIS?! ITS THE FIRST NIGHT YOU GUYS!
Seriously you to got awfully friendly AWFULLY fast.
Okay its just friendly sleeping, I can deal with that.
*vaguely wonders how Syrah can sleep with her pretty bow mouth so wide*
Stellan: Wilson? You enquired earlier whether I was pondering what you're pondering?
Stellan: I think so, Wilson, but how are we going to make pencils that taste like bacon? Or maybe we should make bacon that tastes like pencils. Either way, I'm sure you'll agree it truly is the ONLY ROUTE to ruling this land with an iron fist. A BACON INFUSED FIST... PLUS FIVE! *sparkles*
ANYWAY.... Theo and Hero decided to practice their throwing arms in a manly display of testosteronie filled catch. Cause nothing says 'I'M A MAN, WANNA BREED!?' like throwing a little delicately sewn white ball about...
...IN A CEMETARY O_O;;;;
GODDAMN THEO, CUTEST WEREWOLF EVER!! EEEE!!! ♥
Uh.. So Hero isn't so cute... ^_^;; But you gotta admit he's pretty damn endearing.
For a zombie. xD
WOW, Way to be a creeper, Jozef O_O;; BEING A ROBOT DOESN'T GET YOU OUT OF COMMON NON STALKER COURTESY!
I bet you anything Jory is subconciously dreaming about his hate for a painting that isn't even in the house as a foil for his unconcious awareness that a Servo's cold, unfeeling robot eyeball-simulators are inconspicuously staring NOT at him. Conspicuously!
Yeah your as-yet unrequited love for Syrah SO doesn't make up for it. DON'T BE TRYING TO PULL THE WOOL OVER OUR EYES! I'm not even wearing a hat, unlike you, so there's no wool to pull. SO THERE!
What the heck does "Pull the wool over your eyes" even mean? Why would there randomly be a sheep on my head? *looks it up*
OH YOU GUYS ITS ~*~*HISTORICAL*~*~: "The natural assumption is that this phrase derives from the wearing of woollen wigs, which were fashionable for both men and women in the 16th and 17th centuries." Although they're assuming that its the case, and by they I mean the learned peoples over at Phrase Finder.
ITS NOT WHOLE SHEEPS, ITS TOTES FASHIONABLE WIGGERS, CHECK IT:
Manly!!!
See?! It completey ads to the attraciveness of the mans. You WISH you could pull the wool down over HIS eyes, I CAN SEE YOU THERE, SQUIRMING IN YOUR SEAT WITH LUST AT THE DASHING FIGURE HE HAS CUT..! His come hither hand gesture, his haughty and detached look whilst the wind sweeps saucily through his faux woolen locks. IRRESISTABLE!
The cheese vampire stands alone. *pouts*
GET IN THERE AND WIN THE GIRL, CARLYLE! I MEAN IT!! DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE..! O_O O_O O_O
Oh yeah! That's right there's rules and structure to this challenge. I REMEMBER! ^_^;;;; So the challenges etc for Day Two: Have Gonzo build a jacuzzi, then luxuriate in it! :D
No?
Okay seriously:
Put Lonely Sim in a hot tub. Pause game and direct lonely sim to call all contestants to join them in the hot tub. Unpause. Let them fight for the stairs. The first three sims who get there first can have their group date with your lonely Sim.
Later in the day, have all contestants go fishing, at the same time, in the pond. Again, if they walk away, you can’t make them go back. Whoever has the most fish by 6 PM cannot be eliminated.
Have Lonely Sim do 1 single "chat" with each single Sim.
I know I know, this is supposed to be ISBI so no interactions with them but I figure I can break those rules a bit within my OWN challenge. And its not like I'm checking anything out, I'm just going "GO FISH, DO IT NAO!" and that's all :D If they ditch it from their queue there's nothing I can do. And I'm rhyming again. >_<;;
SO! First task for the day, WHO WILL JOIN SYRAH!??! :D :D
AND ITS THE PLANTSIM, ERWIN, NO ONE IS SHOCKED! But, uh, JOZEF?! O_O;;
Honey, you're not made of meat. Or chlorophyll.. IDEK what plants are made of. Plant. ANYWAY, you're not made of water-tight stuffs that are also made of water. THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA!
Jozef: UH..! O_O;;; I DON'T THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA YOU GUYS..!
Does no one listen to me?! I swear I just said that.
YES CARLYLE, YOU GO WITH YOUR BAD SHINY SELF!! :D :D YOU PLAY SOME FOOTSIE WITH SYRAH WITH THE BUBBLES..!
*giggles at his hat-in-the-bathness*
But, um, Jozef!? O_o;;;; Oh shit...
Erwin: Think he's off to burn down the house..?
Uh, so clearly Jozef thinks he might actually burn the house down. Or himself. Or perhaps the pavement. I can't tell.
He's afraid of FIRE at any rate, which I guess is valid. Especially since its not like he had any sentience before this challenge. HE ISN'T HERE BY ANY POSSIBILITY OF PLAUSIBLE FICTIONAL CHOICE! Poor thing, first he's constructed half-arsedly with the wrong face-latex and now the reality of his imminent situation is hitting home spurred by his contact with THE ENEMY OF FIRE.
OKAY! The sun is finally up and its time for A FISH OFF..! Erwin? Did you hear me? FISH. OFF..! Go on, you can do it. Get the rod out of your arse back pocket, hook up a worm and get fishing.
Stellan: You know I passed up a ski trip for this.
Theo: Why is it that Syrah always ends up talking to me in the night when I'm no longer wearing a hat?
Hero: You're not wearing a hat now, and its the daylight, what if she walked downstairs now and saw you fishing in your pyjamas? She'd still think you were repulsive. Wait. Did someone mention Syrah!?!? *heart farts*
Erwin: *bes living statue*
Jozef: *too busy running amok to bother showing*
AND THEO IS SAFE FROM ELIMINATION, HATLESS INTERACTIONS BE DAMNED!
Also, SUP floating trees!?!?! Whats the haps?!
YES CARLYLE!! Fishnation elimation disqualification achieved...ation. *wiggles*
Theo: So how about those chinese soccer teams that 'let you play' in their championlevel teams if you work in their factories?
Hero: Uh.. Controversial, much? Did someone say skiing? You know that's how I could've died. How about asking first before bringing up a CLEAR AND PRESENT blood sport? Wow, way to be insensitive of my needs.
Erwin: EXCUSE ME I NEED WATERS!
Me: So dip your toe in that pool RIGHT THERE, what do you think those fish are swimming in? Blue jelly? Blueberry juice? The sky? Not that there's not water in all those three things >_>;;
Oh Jozef! There you are, finally gracing us with your presence after your 2 hour spree of characterised by amok-ing?
Jozef: I HATE LIVING STATUES, THEY'RE WORSE THAN MIMES!! At least mimes have the decency to pretend they're trapped in a bubble all the time, THEY KNOW THEY'RE TRAPPED IN THEIR OWN STEREOTYPE!! LIVING STATUES MUST DIE!
Me: Hey! I just thought of something else that's blue - Servo lightning! :D That'll help with his water need, right?! RIGHT, RIGHT?!?!
Stellan: HEY I'M SAFE FROM ELIMNATION! :D ALSO, YAY DINNER!
LAWLS Epical "I smelled a bad smell" face is epical. Its so like he's just caught a whiff of himself and he's decided he smells like braized zuccini. And he DOES NOT WANT! xD
Well, I guess this means the fishing challenge is over... ^_^;;;;
Hey! Even though Irwin is a plant, he still has a skeleton! Never let it be said that the Kohler-Wielle legacy wasn't edumacational! :D :D
Everyone Except Stellan: *freaks out for their compatriot's state of MarieCurie-ism*
Stellan: *couldn't care less*
Meanwhile..!
Syrah: Dooo be doo be dooo bah doo beh shoopaaaa shoo!
Omg, Jozef? Are you FINALLY stopping your amok-spree?! O_O Its only been four hours or something insane like that...
Oh it HAS to be the end, look here comes the finishing move: GO GO CRANE KICK..!
BIG FINISH: JAZZ HANDS..!! Oh, I'm sorry Kirsten Dunst, ~*~SPIRIT FINGERS~*~!
And.... He's.. Spent..!
And simultaneously, Erwin passes out from water desperation. While the rest of the sims distance themselves from the situation - Hero a little more slowly than the others ^_^;; - Carlyle is overtaken with the stress of being unable to fulfill any of his family sim aspirational wants. If you win, Carlyle, you can have ALL the family wants you like. ALL of them. I promise! *is a horribly horrid favourites player*
I know I know, I'm not supposed to look but my challenge, my rules okay!? But look! He's apparentl osmosing -- does he suck moisture up from the ground?!? Look at his water metre going up! That's COOL!!
So you might be wondering what the heck do I do now with two passed out sims who can't participate in the rest of the challenges. They could both be fixed immeadiately, but since they were both being simultaneously failsauce I wasn't quite sure what to do...
After conference with moonlapse & dragancaor the decision was made: Both are being left for a 24 hour period from when each event happened before watering/repair. Miss out on points, but not out of the running. In this case 9:40am Day 2 until 9:40am Day 3.
Jory, you're SUCH a figjammer. You don't need to over-egg the ommelette you know she already digs you and your red wicker bowler hat.
*just realisd she never gave him CC Nelf ears* OVERSIGHT!!!
As the challenge progressed I noticed, somewhat irritatingly, that Stellan had somehow managed to cultivate a rather unhealthy obsession with the plush backyard tent. Whenever I went to check on him, where would I find him? Either going in, coming out, or just SITTING in there. Not even sleeping. Just being in the tent.
Maybe he was a kawaii bani in a previous life? Or a naked mole-rat perhaps?
Speaking of unhealthy obsessions... Syrah, I appreciate that the stress and pressure of fighting an end boss can sometimes be too much, but you can't 'sneak a look' and hope to win >_>;;;
And now its time for AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS WITH SYRAH..! GO!!
Syrah: Ho ho ho, did I tell you I nailed my college professor? I totally nailed his arse in plain sight at my dorm rooms and he wanted to marry me and I said no! He totally lost his job and the respect of the entire academic community. AWESOME, HUH!? :D :D
Hero: Uh.. Yeah I'm sorry but I'm dead. As much as I'd love to I've no longer got the facilities to pollinate your eggs...
Syrah: BOOOOOOOORED NOW. *minuses with a yawn for TOTALLY NOT INAPPROPRIATE IN ANY WAY emphasis*
Syrah: Oh yeah, the cowplant milk that is pretty much extract of human? Its not cannibalism if there's another creature in between you and the dead. Anyway, It tastes great! And its totally low on fizz so you can slam it down fast..!
AAAAND AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS WITH SYRAH..! END!!
Just pretend I inserted a super witty comment about Theo singing some awesome medley of songs featuring howling here, k? I'm too busy being overcome with the EXTREME CUTE to actually write one... ^_^;;
Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh... HOLD. THE. PHONE.
NO SERIOUSLY, I HOPE YOU ARE HOLDING IT. TIGHTLY. WHITE KNUCKLED. POSSIBLY LIKE SYRAH IS HOLDING SOMETHING ELSE BECAUSE HER OTHER HAND IS MIA AND CLEARLY UNDER THE WATER..! O_O;;;
ASkldjalksdjlsakdjalksfASKSDJFjs!! ACR I SEE YOU THERE! I guess we're seeing THE VICTOR OF VICTOLY (Victol of Victory?) already on Day Two. Well THAT'S hardly suspense inducing, Syrah. I HAVE CREATED A NECROPHILE ENTHUSIAST.
Where's THAT trait in the Sims 3, EAXIS?!!??!
And for the record, they didn't get super nookie, this is all they did. Giant head-eating lips in quadruplicate assures us so. ^_^
Syrah: OH man! I so wish someone had got that on camera.
Syrah: You know we could arrange that, and go at it again.. You know, for posterity...
Hero: *has never been into anything else more ever in his entire life death*
Um... *whistles idly and stares up at the ceiling*
Syrah: OH WOW I had no idea you could do that..! My Uni Professor never pulled THAT trick with before..!
Hero: Detachable penis baby, just add water. I stitch it back on with disolvable thread for future use. *winks*
Syrah: INGENIOUS!!!
So just in case you WEREN'T certain that they woohooed all over that tub...
Meanwhile... Carlyle's REALLY impressive non-detachable package draws your attention by being the only thing in this screenshot not obscured by the foggy rain... And ITS RAINING! HAI ERWIN! I don't need to throw a watering can on you tomorrow after all!
While Syrah wanders off to have a bit of a post-nookie kip, Hero decides to christen the contestant's dorm kitchen by cooking a little post=coital chili con carne. HOT con carne. COMBUSTIBLE con carne.
*sings about Con Carne to the tune of Weebl's Hot Tamale*
Well I didnae call this challenge date or incinerate for nothing... WITNESS: THE BLAZE!!! You wanted fiyah, well you got it! Makes up for the lack of incineration last round, neh? xD HEY YOU TWO STOP STRESSING OUT AND GRAB A BLANKET OR A SPHINCTER EXTINGUISHER, KK??
Oh right, so everyone just show up to the burning building EXEPT the only person who I can control. Yeah good, great work you guys. I approve of it. Greatly. Uh huh. Yeaps. About as much approval as Icarus got from his Dad when he flew too close to the HUAG BALL OF BURNING SKY GAS when he was expressly told not to. DO YOU SEE SOME KIND OF CORRELATION FORMING? >_>;;
INFERNO: THE MUSICAL!
And the as-advertised Incineration takes its first victim, and its not even 3am! O_O;;; Carlyel's prodigiously phenomenal package of perkiness makes one final thrust for greatness before it and everything else including the Goat-Herder hat crumbles into dust.
CARLYLE!!! NUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!! *cries forever* I got that damn daytime-vampire hack specifically so you WOULDN'T DIAF!
*wibbles her bottom lip so much it threatens to take over the world*
Death: OH HELLO THERE ALL. THIS IS A NICE CHANGE FROM THE WATERLOGGING I NORMALLY MUST DEAL WITH WHEN VISITING THIS FAMILY. ARE WE HAVING MARSHMALLOWS LATER?
Back in the main house...
Syrah: That was SUCH a refreshing nap! I wonder what the boys are doing. I do hope they're getting along well... Now, how do I fold hospital corners again? Father's bed-making follies sixth sense shall be tingling if I don't do this right...
90% of the Kitchen furniture including the deco gone, THERE GOES THE FIRESTARTER! O_O;;; CRAZED PLOT TWIST IS CRAZED! And here I was thinking he was a sure thing.
I'd decided on NOT waking up Syrah and having her run up into here to try and save anyone or call the fire brigade or anything if she didn't know that it was going on. I was like, okay if she doesn't find out its on her property there's no point in me making her with MAGICAL SIMGOD INFUSED ESPs or something. But by this point she was awake. You would THINK she would notice the adjoining house ablaze >_>;;
With the fiery death of Hero, the blaze automagically puts itself out, and as Death wanders back in all chuffed at not having to worry about a drycleaning bill this time either; Theo realises he just can't handle this shit, and thusly loses his own.
Stellan on the other hand deals with the trauma by starring in his own skin care commercial. Yeah yeah he's totally the new face of Neutrogena's Deep Clean Creme Cleanser. Try saying THAT twenty times really fast.
Stellan: Now my face is cleansed right into the pores..! *sparkles*
And so now FINALLY Syrah realises what's gone down, and the stereotypes SCREAM from the rafters. Boys make a mess, girl cleans up after them. I guess its KIND OF okay considering what stock Syrah comes from, except for where her mother gave up having a totes awesome career to support her husband all stepford wife style... WOW okay this isn't okay. STOP CLEANING, SYRAH!
Jory: HAHAHA I can see Stellan's arse.
While Syrah cleans up the remainds of Carlyle (CRIIII!!!! ;_;) and Hero, Stellan and Jory decide to play 'Clearly Delineated Pillow Skirmish.' Uh, so, just A LITTLE decorum wouldn't go astray? Time and a place you guys, time and a place >_<;;;
RIP Carlyle and Hero. Voluntarily incinerating themselves out of the running for the pursuit of shock and DRAMA since 2009...
Wondering where Erwin went in those post-clean up scenes? Parched from all the flamey flames, he walked out to the mailbox to pass the HECK out. Either that or he passed out from the shock of being the MOST potentially combustable and living. SO FAR.
This means though, AGAIN, that I can't touch him for another 24 hours, and since this happened at 11:40pm sims time, he's gotta stay like this with his massive pectorally emphasising rib cage rising up an down slowly upon the concrete. Try osmosing through THAT, plant boy.
Stellan: Oh Wilson, what can this turn of events mean?! What is the lesson?! Is it to show us the true frailty of life, that you should grasp every opportunity by the horns no matter the consequences, or is it the parable of karma? And that one must live an honourable life and you shall be rewarded ten fold in the future. WILL WE EVER KNOW?!?!
Wilson: You know I'm just a volleyball with a cardboard hat on, right? I'm nothing but rubber bladder, cheesecloth, leather and glue.
Stellan: Aren't we all my learned friend. Aren't we all..?
Wilson: ... No? O_O;;;;
Stellan: OH MY GOD, I'M NAKED!!
I'm not even kidding, THAT is what he was shocked about, he had the thought bubble above his own head and everything. Methinks Stellan's mental stability is on a rather tenuously shaky foundation. ^_^;;; I LOVE IT!
Theo: I AM DISTRESSED!
And really cute about it! *completely marginalises his torment with kawaii-squeeage*
Syrah's way of dealing with the pain? SPONTANEOUS STELLAN-SUPPORTED SMUSTLE STAGE-STYLE!!
Since Hero and Carlyle burned themselves out of the running, I decided to not incinerate anyone else this night. So instead here is Syrah's thought bubble. EMPTINESS ON FIRE!!
And then there were five... Four negative attractions, one single bolt and some FIERY FURY for no particular reason that I can tell...
Oh Syrah, why you so perfect for your challenge?
___________________
EXTRA ALTERNATE UNIVERSE ACTION: Check out these SUPER ADORABLE piccies of Syrah and Poppy dancing together like the super cute attention seeking siblings they are in simtopi's game. EEEHEHEHHEHEEEE!!! Dance Spam 01, 02, 03. HEEEEEEEEEEE!!
