The Kohler-Wielle Legacy 2.10: LAWDS MAKE IT STOP! Now with heir poll :D
CAUTION: 41 jpgs -- SUPAAAH SHORT UPDATE IS SUPAAAAH SHORT. Like seriously, its short. I'm not kidding. Special thanks to javabean_dreams & moonlapse. YOU KNOW WHY!!! Also:
SECONDARY DOUBLE HEIR POLL ACTION GO!
Need to catch up? Kohler-Wielle Archive
Fired.
Depression.
Guidance. Counsellor.
Smustle. Duress.
Homework.
Srs. Biznz.
Feline. Outbirk.
Later. Bridge. Car. Depressing. End.
Zits.
Lips. Pursed.
Days. Lives.
Optometrist. Stat.
Imminent. Demise.
Just. Joshing.
Destroyed. Socialist. Weasel.
Girly. Swat.
Finger. Loss.
Off-site. Chipmunk. Nut-Storage.
Profitable. Investment.
Bad. Wolf.
...
...
OKAY I'M JUST KIDDING! *giggles* APRIL FOOLS! :D Largely for that secret maker who was all OMG OUTBIRK, and for moonlapse, baykinz & dragancaor who all demanded that I do it hilariously after I'd considered doing it straight after the silly secret. Although, I have to say, THAT WAS WAY TOO MUCH FUN! The allure of just doing that for the whole freaken update was pretty freaken great let me tell you that RIGHT NOW... xD xD
So seriously, SECRET MAKER? I THANKYOU WHOLE-HEARTEDLY! :D :D
So, pardon me if you've heard this one... But poor Syrah, losing her job due to chance card failure on my part is so not fun. Its like employment roulette, where you're not even holding the gun, and you definitely don't get that dude who has the same name as Mark Wahlburg, or even the infamous Marky Mark himself to kiss it better. O_O;;
WHEREFORE ART THOU, SIDE-PARTED ACTION HERO?
But I have to say this for Syrah, unlike her insane siblings, she displays the correctly corresponding emotion to the corresponding event. SANITY?! IN THE KOHLER-WIELLE HOUSE?!?!?! UNPOSSIBLE!
Poor thing, just can't catch a break. She went inside to drown her sorrows in raspberry muffins and this pasty-faced fluorescent cowboy came in to remind her that the family parrot died, this will effect all her future job prospects, all her family is one day going to die, and her house is probably going to burn down.
Oh, and to tell her that kittens die, and he just knocked over the very last cup of coffee on purpose and there's no more in the house. The bitch.
Disheartened at overhearing the conversation, Poppy can no longer get into her smusle and goes through the motions... Despondently.
Either that or she's playing an INVISIBLE GUITAR SOLO!! Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb, anyone?
Sangiovese is the most altruistic, nay, magnanimous of brothers. Here he is, sitting on the floor OF HIS OWN ROOM, whilst he allows Cinnabar's pajamas to meld through the bottom of desk chair at will.
Benevolence, thy name be Sangiovese.
Its time for ☆★☆So You Think You can Dance: Kohler-Wielle Lounge Room☆★☆.
THE COMPETITION IS TOUGH!! WHO WILL WIN?!
Modena or Carrots?! They're the ~*~*DANCERS*~*~..!
Modena clearly feels she's in with a huge chance, her style is pronounced, though less than graceful she makes up for it with EMOTIONNNNN...!!
YOU SHOULD BE DAAAAAAANCIIIIIIIIIIHN..! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH..!
You know I had never actually paid attention to the lyrics of that song, is it SERIOUSLY about how you should get up and dance instead of staying in bed having sexytimes with your woman?! Cause like, what the hell, Bee Gees?
ANYWAY! I prefer Modena's pyjama-clad take on DiscoDisco, it ends with completely consensual kitten cuddles in a plush rug in the safety of her own home. Instead of on a bridge with gang-rapes and really unfortunate sequels.
Modena: 1
Saturday Night Fever: 0
Modena: That was awesome, amirite?!
Me: AFFIRMATIVE, MY CARBUNCLED FRIEND..!
PS: I FIXED VALENCIA! She's no longer all alien-eyed, orange peepers restored.
*champagne and contreau all round*
OM NOM DELICIOUS! Cube? Look what I made for you!!! :D :D
Four out of Seven children in attendance, tis time for Cube to extol virtues and spread the word of the father to his progeny.
Cube: CHILDREN! HEED MY WORDS! Like sand through an hourglass, the days of our lives are tiny, granular, and have passed through the digestion system of parrot fish.
Cube: So follow your dreams, and not those of your peers nor elders, lest ye do not find yourself cleaning the house of your future spouse and never know the joys and triumphant virility of delivering unto the world a genesis of heptadical proportion.
Cube: *continues to talk deeply meaningful virtues on why it is indeed favourable to ignore the wishes, hope and advise of your parents*
Syrah: Father your talk is inane prattle, designed only for the purposes of reverse psychologicals. We are indeed to intelligent to not see through your hollow appellations. Your days are numbered. thine ineveitable obliteration? Nigh.
Syrah: JUST JOSHING YA! :D
/me uses the same caption as above without regret.
Kermes!! He's intelligent. You see that?
GUESS WHAT?
STILL DULL!
SUCCESS! I've never had overachievers before, EVER! So I made it my mission to get at least one of the KW kids the apparently illustrious title. In the end I managed to get all of them the embellished gold stars. :D
*vagely wonders if their scratch and sniff*
What would a scratch and sniff star smell like? Sulfur? LOL REWARD!
Kermes: Look! I might be dull, but I'm handy around the house! *beambeam* What woman doesn't love a man who's handy? I could get a tool belt? Would that help?
Yeah yeah, I know. And stuff. *yawns*
POPPY!! THIS IS CLEARLY THE SEXIEST OF ALL THE EXPRESSIONS!!
*turns lesbian right away*
The huag pimple of impending world domination on her chin really just seals it, ne?
LAWDS She's gone crazy.
AHAB, FETCH THE HARPOON! We got us a chipmunk to lance..!
Syrah got a new hairstyle (the old had decided to adopt this weird video card DRAG FOREVER error affectation which was royally giving me the shits), and suddenly learned how to harness her sneaky..!
And had decided nightly visits to the balcony to commune with the stars and whisper sweet nothings to the dalek known as Caan about shoes and ships and sealing-wax... Of cabbages and kings.
Syrah: Oh Dalek Caan, why IS the sea boiling hot? And DO pigs have wings?
Dalek Caan: How do you feel about... Dalek Sec Sex?
Syrah: Let me just get my plunger! *beams*
Modena: Do I smell... Burning..?
Me: YES YOU DO! Now oh my lords someone take some responsibility over the amount of fires you keep lighting in this kitchen. Its a wonder any of the appliances even still function, or everyone hasn't been taken out with smoke inhalation. If you're gonna be DIY arsonists the LEAST you can do is stick around to witness the blaze.
Modena, Poppy AND Cinnabar: HOLY CRAP, FIIIIRE!!!
THANKYOU!!
*cracks up so hard* LOL Cinnabar, your faces are so epic.
Cinnabar: Oh noes! A fire is consuming my kichen, instead of attempting to call the firies or grab a fire extinguisher, or even, at this point, a saucepan lid to cut oxygen off from the blaze, I shall turn my mouth into a stylish bow-tie. *does*
Modena: OH THE FLAMES, SO ALL ENCOMPASSING, IS THIS HOW WE DIE?!
Cinnabar: IT BURNS! But it'd be thematic?
Poppy: SCREW THEMATIC, I'M OUT OF HERE!
Cube: ITS OKAY MY CHILDREN!! IT BURNS, BUT I SHALL PELVIC THRUST AT IT AND EXTINGUISH THE FLAMES..!
And then he did. And the flames went out and everybody lived. THE POWER OF THE CUBE CROTCH IS UNFATHOMABLE!
Sangiovese spends several hours a day inspecting his baby skins in the mirror. Is this the skin of a killer the heir!?
Sangiovese: UGH! I DO NOT THINK IT IS! I AM NOT HAPPY JAN!
Modena: *effortlessly poses in the background to form the top portion of a blockbuster movie poster*
Or perhaps a moody faux-indie album cover. Either/or.
Hello Poppy! You randomly gonna choke a bitch?
Cube: *listens understandingly*
Syrah: *bes sneaky in the background*
Poppy: BYRON GAVE ME A GODDAMNED STD WHILE I WAS ON AN ADVENTURE OF TINY PROPORTIONS AGAIN. I ROLLED A ONE ON FREAKEN FINAL ENCOUNTER OF RED PLUME MOUNTAIN!? A ONE?!?! MY AVERAGE IS 15.6! ITS A FREAKEN CONSPIRACY!
Valencia and Cube, the undeniable OTP, their children are now 18, about to move to university and they're still constantly engaging in acute osculation.
Speaking of moving to Uni, I swore I would NEVER DO IT AGAIN! But then simkittensims extolled the virtues of college adjustor and I decided to give it a go. BUT! I didn't want to play ALL SEVEN KIDS in uni cause FAR OUT I WOULD'VE SEPPUKUED ON THE SPOT!
BUT! I was SERIOUSLY BEHIND on updates at this point and didn't want to wait until I'd finished posting till now to actually play more Kohler-Wielles to get an heir poll.
SO! MY MIDDLE GROUND?! I'd already had one that had fast become my favourite to play, but I still decided to leave it largely in the hands of another... I polled baykinz and she chose two possible heirs, and of the two I chose ONE!
I GIVE YOU:
No, not Carrots Cuthbert..! SYRAH KOHLER-WIELLE!!!!
OH MY LAWDS!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!
So as we say our goodbyes to generation orange, I give you the last fire of the generation.
Calcifer: CIAO GUYS! Its been a blast!
And we indulge in some off-to college crowding...
Kermes: YES! I SHALL BE OFF TO UNIVERSITY! WHERE I SHALL BE KING OF THE CAMPUS, AND EVERYONE WILL LOVE ME..! *GOOFINATION*
Me: Uh, yeah, whatever, bud...
Modena: *quietly plans to ditch Uni and go backpacking all over the world*
Poppy: *bes congenial*
Cinnabar: WAIT?!!? HOW COME I'M NOT THE HEIR?!?!
Cube: Goodbye my children, I'll be here to move into Syrah's home when you're all done. Being handsome! *bedazzles*
Syrah: I DO NOT APPROVE OF THESE SHENANIGANS!!
And because I wanted to be all poetical and such, I'm ending this update on Sangiovese, bidding adeiu to both his mother who just can't look on the stairs, and to her generations focus on the legacy.
Au Revoir, Generation Orange..!
---
AND NOW! BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO BE THE KIND OF PERSON THAT SAYS I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING, AND THEN DON'T:
Secondary heir poll!!
That's right! When college and the generation three challenge is over, one of these lucky seven will join Syrah in the main Red house..! WHO SHALL IT BE? YOU WILL DECIDE!
CHOSEN HEIR (For Unis etc): Syrah Kohler-Wielle
Pleasure
Virgo 9-2-9-4-5
Turn Ons: Hats, Mechanical
Turn Off: Black Hair
LTW: Become Celebrity Chef
Cooking: 1
Mechanical: 2
Charisma: 2
Body: 3
Logic: 4
Creativity: 4
Cleaning: 3
Sangiovese Kohler-Wielle
Romance
Scorpio: 10-7-8-4-5
Turn Ons: Cologne, Athletic
Turn Off: Custom Hair
LTW: Become Professional Party Guest
Cooking: 2
Mechanical: 0
Charisma: 2
Body: 3
Logic: 4
Creativity: 4
Cleaning: 1
Cinnabar Kohler-Wielle
Romance
Scorpio: 9-8-9-4-3
Turn Ons: Grey Hair, Logical
Turn Off: Unemployed
LTW: Have 20 Simultaneous Lovers
Cooking: 1
Mechanical: 1
Charisma: 2
Body: 3
Logic: 2
Creativity: 3
Cleaning: 2
Ginger Kohler-Wielle
Knowledge
Scorpio: 9-5-10-3-2
Turn Ons: Stink, Black Hair
Turn Off: Fatness
LTW: Become Mad Scientist
Cooking: 1
Mechanical: 3
Charisma: 2
Body: 5
Logic: 1
Creativity: 5
Cleaning: 3
Poppy Kohler-Wielle
Family
Libra: 4-10-3-8-10
Turn Ons: Glasses, Red Hair
Turn Off: Mechanical
LTW: Marry off 6 Children
Cooking:
Mechanical:
Charisma:
Body: 1
Logic: 2
Creativity: 7
Cleaning: 3
Kermes Kohler-Wielle
Knowledge
Capricorn: 7-10-6-3-8
Turn Ons: Fatness, Hard Worker
Turn Off: Mechanical
LTW: Max out 7 Skills
Cooking:
Mechanical:
Charisma:
Body: 5
Logic: 4
Creativity: 8
Cleaning: 1
Modena Kohler-Wielle
Popularity
Capricorn: 9-8-6-3-5
Turn Ons: Glasses, Great Cook
Turn Off: Custom Hair
LTW: Have 20 Simultaneous Best Friends
Cooking: 1
Mechanical:
Charisma: 1
Body:
Logic: 2
Creativity: 6
Cleaning: 2
IN ADDITION! In the interests of fairness and cause I feel like mixing things up a little:
Gules Kohler-Wielle
Family
Cancer: 6-9-6-5-8
Turn Ons: Logical, Great Cook
Turn Offs: Stink
LTW: Graduate Three Children from College
Cause I've not actually played her played her, I'll prolly just randomize her skillset if she wins a spot in the genetic legacy. :D
In case you're wondering who on earth she is, she's the daughter of Valencia's brother, Risso, and his college sweetheart, Jemima. I figure she should have a shot, since she's not really had any proper airtime (lol I so totes wrote heirtime) and she's awesome!
Poll