Remember When - Chapter Ten
Sleeping next to your precious one is something that makes you complete, but waking the next morning on an empty bed makes you feel lost. You don’t want to believe that’s the truth so you’re tensed at each sound, hoping that he’ll be back soon and call you silly for believing he had gone. But as the minutes pass, you realize no one will come and then you start believing that it might be a dream. So you close your eyes and open them after some long moments. The cruel reality slaps you right in the face. He’s not there and you have to deal with the situation. You can find excuses later, you can hear them out, but right now you just have to tend your bleeding heart and leave the empty bed that still keeps his scent.
Kazuya covered his eyes with the back of his hand and sat again in silence. He didn’t expect Jin to be gone or the sudden pain that clawed at him. He took a deep breath and got out of bed, limping a bit. He went slowly to the bedroom’s door and opened it wide, holding his breath. The apartment looked as empty as their bed has been when he woke up. He could smell the loneliness circling it; he could see it finding its way right down to his core. He shuddered for a moment and stepped out of the room heading for the couch where they had made love for the first time. An ironic smile bloomed on his lips as he passed his hands over the smoothness of the couch, thinking how wonderful last night was and how stupid he could’ve been. He should have known that Jin would leave him again…
The younger bend to lift his clothes, slowly putting them on. He was still waiting, he realized. He was waiting for the door to be opened and a stupid and grinning Jin to be entering in the house saying that he went to a store to buy some things. He got angry with himself, seeing how the hours went by and he was still waiting for the stupid that left him without a word. He could still try to call him, but he already knew that if he wanted to do so he would have done so. But his pride would not let him and he didn’t want to beg for anyone. If Jin got what he wanted, if he had fun playing with his feelings, then Kazuya… couldn’t say anything. Because he was the fool that let himself be fooled, he was the one that accepted him, he was the one that let everything go the way it went, he was…
Damn.
He squeezed Jin’s shirt which he took by mistake and looked at it through a curtain of tears. No, he won’t cry for a jerk that just knew how to make him feel at worst. He won’t let those tears fall or he wasn’t Kamenashi Kazuya. He tossed the shirt aside, sparing it another glance as if he wanted to shout at it, to blame it, to ask for reasons which he would gladly accept. Kazuya turned his back, picked up his last things and headed for the door. It was like something piercing through his heart leaving the way he was doing. It had been hell waking the way he did. But he won’t run anymore, he’ll simply face what would come. He turned the door’s knob and exited the apartment.
He never saw the note that remained in the bedroom laying innocently on the night table.
*
It was no use. The only thing he could hear was still the ringing tone that told Jin that the one he had called wasn’t answering. He sighed and closed his phone, throwing it on the bed. Why was it always like this? Why couldn’t be things easier between them? He didn’t know and he wasn’t sure that he wanted the answer for that.
Kazuya was avoiding him. Again. And Jin realized that he couldn’t keep on pursuing the younger with a relationship that he didn’t want. Was his presence too much for Kazuya to bear with? Did he regret what happened that night between them and that was why he wasn’t answering his calls? The fact that he couldn’t face the boy right that moment was frustrating Jin and he wished he could get on a plane and fly back to Japan.
And he had been so happy. He realized that he had never been happier than he had the morning when he woke up with Kazuya in his arms. He had stayed for a long time studying his sleeping face until Jin could detach himself from the younger and climb down from the bed. Even after he had dressed himself and wrote a note for Kazuya to know why he had to leave so suddenly, he couldn’t make himself to part from the boy. So he had stayed, minutes passing by and Jin not caring about anything than the warm smile that was spreading on the younger’s face. He smiled as well and kissed Kazuya goodbye before he finally left his house.
He had a plane to catch and amid all that happened that night, Jin didn’t have the chance to tell Kazuya anything about it. And he didn’t want to wake him up either because he liked to see that beautiful face as long as he could. He loved Kazuya’s sight when he was sleeping. In that moment, all of his worries disappeared and he seemed as peaceful as he was when they were younger and they only cared about themselves. It made Jin think at their past, at those happy days when they were together as best friends. He never realized that Kazuya had always had a special place in his heart, maybe because he was used to have him by his side all the time. When he first left for America, he felt a sting in his heart but he ignored it, thinking that it was normal since he was disappointing his band members.
But now he knew. He wasn’t still sure that he could put a name to his feelings. He loved Kazuya, but he didn’t have that romantic feeling that he thought it was necessary when you were in love. He only knew that he wanted to always see Kazuya, to hear his voice and be next to him. He wanted to hug him, to kiss those pouty lips that he missed so much and to make love with him, to caress his whole body and cover it with kisses and sweet touches.
He groaned and shook his head, trying to erase that image from his head. It was pointless because it seemed that Kazuya didn’t want to see him anymore. Jin didn’t understand what happened. It wasn’t like he forced Kazuya, he had asked and Kazuya was the one who kissed him first. Maybe he made the first move, but this didn’t mean that Kazuya didn’t want it. Or did it?
He was confused by this whole mess and he didn’t know what to do. He sighed again and Jin remembered that he has a new problem that he has to deal with, one that just came through his door.
“Are you okay?” Aubree asked with a concerned tone.
Jin only nodded, not looking at her and still admiring the view outside his window. He cared about her, he really did. But he had got to the conclusion that what happened between them was a mistake and now he didn’t know how to correct it. He didn’t want to hurt Aubree, she was the one that made him go further with his tour and not give up when rumors about giving tickets for free were spreading about his concerts in America. He wouldn’t be here without her even if he had just met her almost a year ago. She was important for him, but his feelings for Aubree were those for a younger sister. It was different from Kazuya.
“Yeah” he smiled, trying to assure her that nothing happened. “Just… worried. It all happened too fast” he said, a double meaning to his words.
Aubree smiled too and got closer to him. She let him hug her, cuddling at his chest. “I know you can do it, Jin. Just be yourself and everyone will love you” she added, trying to comfort him.
But she never noticed his frown at her choice of words. His gaze moved to the phone thrown on the bed and he tightened his hold. He will try to call him again. He still didn’t want to give up but… he was starting to feel tired by this chase.
Even so, nobody answered and Jin came back to Japan a few days later with even more questions.
*
“Drive me to the airport.”
Kazuya groaned and tried to close his apartment’s door, but the sadistic Ryo wouldn’t let him.
“It’s fucking seven in the morning, Nishikido. Don’t you have better things to do?” Kazuya growled at the Osaka man, giving up on closing the door.
“Not really” he shrugged and followed Kazuya into the house. “I need a lift and you’re the only one available. And I’m already late” he grimaced and sighed looking at the clock.
“Like I care you're late.” Kazuya replied and returned to his living room. He wasn't in the mood of guests, less of doing favors. He had been over working lately as there have been scheduled their summer concerts; also he had recordings for Kase by Kase, for Ultimate Wheels, Shounen Club etc. He really didn’t waste any time and now the little free one he had, the Osaka man came to pester him with his suddenly and early request.
“No, but you’re a goody two-shoes” Ryo rolled his eyes, a little annoyed. “And I’m sure you wouldn’t want to miss this party” he grinned at Kazuya and turned his back at him. “I’ll wait for you downstairs so hurry up or I’ll miss my flight” he added and closed the door of Kazuya’s apartment behind him.
The boy was left dumbfounded, but nevertheless he found himself complying with Ryo’s demand. He could swear that he sees Jin in Ryo’s attitude; maybe they had each other for teachers when they were younger! Kazuya brushed the slight pain that crossed his heart and sighed before going to dress up. In less than ten minutes, he was already downstairs and looked for Ryo who was waiting for him right next to his car. He approached him, fitting the cap on his head better.
“You’re so going to rebuke me.” He growled when he passed past Ryo and slipped into his car.
“Yeah, yeah” the dark haired said as he couldn’t care less, but knowing that Kazuya will soon forget about all of this. He grinned at him and joined Kazuya in the car. In half an hour, they were already at the airport but Ryo was still checking his watch. He snorted annoyed and started to walk ahead of Kazuya, letting the younger one follow him this time. He looked at his right and at his left, as he was searching for something. And when that something came into his vision, Ryo yelled his name to catch his attention.
“Hey, Bakanishi!”
If someone had told him that his ears have gone deaf, he would have totally believed that someone. Because his ears were surely deceiving him, he couldn’t have possibly heard the name ‘Bakanishi’. It sure was some twisted and cruel game of fate. But this time he’ll play along, because since that morning he decided that he won’t run away anymore. So he waited next to Ryo, watching the tall figure approaching them which seemed to be held back by something. The pack of persons that totally swallowed him made Kazuya worry - what if some paparazzi were lurking around and soon fans would follow making their escape impossible? It was definitely going to lead to something like this, especially since Ryo couldn’t keep his big mouth to himself! He wanted to glare at the Osaka man, but his attention got distracted once again by Jin who just surfaced the sea of people, holding a hand. Kazuya stared in surprise seeing the red-headed and petite girl coming out of the crowd too and clutching onto Jin’s arm and smiling up to him. So this was he had been up until now? Kazuya thought grimly, hiding his surprise and ignoring his pain. He waited for the new couple to reach them.
Jin’s eyes widened as soon as he came close enough to the two persons waiting for him. He unconsciously let go of Aubree’s hand and smiled apologetic at her. Well, he only took her hand to not lose sight of each other, nothing more!! It wasn’t his fault if he thought something else. Or maybe it was. Damn it.
He sighed and took a deep breathe as his feet were slowly getting him closer to the one that haunted his dreams for the past ten days. He stopped in front of them and tried to say something, but Ryo got ahead of him.
“So she’s the one you had been talking about and sulking because of?” he raised an eyebrow at the pair, obviously not sensing the heavy atmosphere.
Jin blushed and glanced at Kazuya, him being the one that Ryo spoke of. He gritted his teeth seeing that that Kazuya was smiling, not knowing what to make of the change or how to interpret it. What now? He was planning to pretend that nothing happened between them? He was going to smile at him, talk with Jin as their relationship didn’t change? Like they didn’t fuck?
“She’s Aubree, one of my dancers” Jin finally said, a fake smile on his lips when he turned to face her. “Aubree, they are my friends, Ryo and Kame” he then added in English, pointing to each of them.
One of his dancers? Now he fucked his dancers too, not only ex-band mates? His Jin was getting more interesting day by day. He felt his face stretched into a professional smile while his eyes remained the same dark brown as when he was pissed off. Kazuya inclined his head towards Aubree - what a weird name! - and kept his smile, not really wanting to say something. He was looking at both of them and he could see all Jin always wanted. A beautiful foreigner women standing right beside him and touring alongside with him. She could offer him everything he truly wanted - a family. One that they couldn’t have. Not in this life.
Jin shivered when his eyes met Kazuya’s. Something was wrong but didn’t have time to think more at this as Ryo talked again.
“So she doesn’t understand Japanese?” he concluded, seeing that Jin talked with her in English.
“Just a little” Jin replied, sensing Aubree getting closer to him. He saw her smiling and bowing her head a little before she extended her hand to the two men.
“Nice to meet you” she said with a sweet smile, tilting her a little.
“Me too” Ryo hurried to answer in a broken English, shaking hands with her and earning himself a smack on the head from Jin.
Kazuya chuckled at the image and he extended his hand too, holding Aubree’s small one gently.
“Nice to meet you too.” He said in almost perfect English, surprising everyone. “Welcome to Japan!” he added, smiling charming to her.
“When did you learn English, Kame?” Jin raised an eyebrow and chuckled childishly, making Kazuya blush slightly. The younger one wasn’t that confident in his pronunciation, although he had been studying for a while now.
“Since you’ve been gone.” Kazuya answered, knowing that it was a double-edged sentence, but as long as only Jin understood, it was fine by him.
Something flickered in Jin’s eyes that resembled pain and sadness. It quickly disappeared and a smirk appeared on his lips. “Did you miss me that much?” he asked on a playful voice, ignoring Ryo’s confused face and Aubree’s inquiring one.
“Like I had that much time to miss you. Just when I started to feel this way, you came back.” Kazuya retorted, wearing the same smirk as Jin. He almost forgot about the two persons standing next to them and that they were currently standing in an airport.
“Oh” was the only thing that Jin said a little disappointment showing on his face. “Then maybe I should have stayed more?” he asked, something starting to grow inside him.
“Did my opinion ever counted on this part?” Kazuya simply replied, the smile disappearing replaced by a serious expression. Deciding he didn’t want to hear the answer, he quickly added: “Why don’t we get going? We’re offering a big attraction here.”
But Jin simply ignored him. “You dare say something like that when you’re the one that always decides for us?” he asked with an annoyed voice, slowly getting closer to Kazuya and totally forgetting about their surrounding.
“Akanishi, we’re in public.” Kazuya said on a menacing tone and glaring at the older one. “Keep our dirty laundry in private.” He hissed, looking around and observing the confused faces of Ryo and Aubree.
Jin growled and took a deep breath trying to control his anger. “Don’t think that this is over, Kamenashi.” He emphasized the last word and turned his back on Kazuya now facing Aubree. He offered her an apologetic look and took her hand starting to walk away from them. “Then let’s go!” he said without realizing that he doesn’t know where to go.
“Oi, Bakanishi! The opposite way!” Ryo yelled after him. Jin stopped in his tracks and swirled Aubree around, making her laugh.
“Then lead the way!” he chuckled a little embarrassed.
Kazuya followed Ryo, ignoring the constant throbbing of his heart as he saw Jin take Aubree’s hand, as he saw her laughing being swirled by Jin, as he noticed that he stood little chance in front of her. She was clearly in love with him, it was obvious in the way she looked at him and each time Jin looked at her, she would blush. Kazuya couldn’t compete that. Maybe he was still important to Jin, but soon this would be changed; because nothing lasts forever. When they finally got to the car, Kazuya had the impression that a century has passed and the pain has intensified as he could hear laughter and English talking in his back. He looked at Ryo who was already waiting at the car and frowned.
“Ryo.” He said on a heavy tone. “Don’t tell me… you want me to drive them home??” he asked, rising an eyebrow.
“Why not?” the Osaka man replied nonchalantly. “My car is broken that’s why I asked for a lift.”
Oh, God. Life was cruel, destiny was even more. He growled and went to the driver’s side, waiting for the rest to settle in.
“Where to?” he asked as everyone got in. He had a bad feeling about this, but no turning back.
“My place.” Jin said and looked in the rear-view mirror to meet Kazuya’s eyes which flickered with anger. He just smirked back as Kazuya started the engine and left the airport.
An hour later they reached Jin’s apartment, a tense atmosphere between him and Kazuya though the other two took no notice. As they got off the car, Kazuya opened his mouth to make an excuse and flee right away from there but Ryo quickly shoved into his arms a big and heavy bag, apparently belonging to Aubree. Great, now beside being her chauffeur, he became also her carrier?! But he said nothing and followed the three of them, though he didn’t need to, because he remembered clearly the way to Jin’s apartment. Fuck. He hasn’t thought, he’ll be once more in his house, the house where they made love. He cursed in his mind countless times until they finally reached the door and Jin opened it to let them in. Kazuya was expecting to find it just like he left it but everything seemed clean and fresh - probably, Jin’s mom. He felt his cheeks burn red.
“Wow, it’s big!” Aubree squealed happy as she made her way in and took her coat off to make herself more comfortable.
Jin smiled while Ryo watched her with curiosity, whispering to Kazuya: “That’s a foreigner for us” he chuckled, Kazuya frowned and Aubree continued her investigation of the apartment, her eyes glowing with excitement.
“Hey, it’s that a naked girl on your wall?” she said and immediately ran to the bedroom where she saw the poster. Behind her, Jin blushed and cursed in his mind because he didn’t take it off before he left to America. He knew that Aubree will only laugh and take it as a joke or maybe tease him a little - he didn’t want to think at that - but he would preferred if she didn’t see that poster. “Wow, you have a huge bed!” she exclaimed on a cheery voice and Jin could swear that the first thing she did was to throw herself on it and soon a loud thud confirmed his hunch, making him laugh.
“Don’t jump on it or you’ll pay!” Jin warned on a teasing voice.
“I’m not that fat to break it, Bakanishi!” she emphasized the last word, her chuckle being heard even in the living room.
Jin gasped as in horror and looked at Ryo with an accusing expression. “See what you have taught her?” he scolded his friend that started laughing.
Just then, he noticed the door closing. Kazuya had already left. Ryo looked at him worried, but Jin only sighed. “It’s a long story” he said, as that was an explanation for their behavior. His friend didn’t ask anything more, knowing that Jin will talk when it’s time and if he hadn’t said anything until now, it means it’s still fine. Or he hoped so because Jin’s sad expression and hurt eyes weren’t predicting any good news.
He watched Jin as the older man entered the bedroom and smiled at Aubree. It was a pained smile but the girl didn’t seem to notice or maybe she didn’t want to acknowledge it. “Come here with me” Ryo heard her say and Jin disappeared from his sight.
Something was wrong with this picture but even if he knew it, Jin couldn’t do anything to change it. So he tried to pretend that nothing happened because he didn’t want to worry Aubree. He took her hand and threw himself on the bed, next to her, trying to erase from his mind that Kazuya was the last person who used this bed and that his smell still lingered in the room.
“Hey, do you have notes from your girlfriends?” she chuckled and pointed to the bed table next to him.
Jin frowned, not knowing what she was referring to. He turned his head back to look at the note she was talking about and gasped. It was the note that he had left to Kazuya. His eyes were overflowed by a sudden sadness as the image of Kazuya came back into his mind. He really didn’t want to have any connection to Jin anymore. He wanted to erase all of their past, that’s why he left the note behind, untouched.
Untouched? Jin slowly sat up and looked once more at the note. He had put it under a book because he didn’t want it to fly away. Then… that meant that Kazuya didn’t even see it?
“Oh, God.”
*
Now this was starting to get annoying. Jin started to get fed up of chasing Kazuya every time something happened. The younger was like a little puppy and Jin had to search for him for a million times until he found him. He had thrown his phone somewhere in his house when Kazuya still refused to answer his calls, grabbed his coat and left the apartment to go to Kazuya’s. He sighed in relief thinking that Aubree was already at the hotel and waiting for his crew to arrive - it was obvious that she couldn’t stay with him because of the rumors that would spread and she seemed to understand the situation without any problem.
He drove fast in the night and got to Kazuya’s apartment in less than fifteen minutes. It only took him five more to take the elevator and now he was knocking on the younger’s door, determined to not give up until he finally got an answer. But he didn’t need to wait for long because the door opened at his fifth knock, a calm looking Kazuya welcoming him.
“Took you long enough!” Jin said with a sarcastic tone, strolling past Kazuya and stopping in the middle of his living room, surprised.
“At least, say thanks I answered.” Kazuya followed, glaring at Jin.
“Umm, hello, Jin?” said an awkward Maru looking back and forward at him and Kazuya.
“Hi, Maru” Jin answered on a sweet voice and continued the same, looking at him with puppy eyes - an angry puppy: “Don’t you have to be somewhere?”
Before even Maru got to ask, Kazuya interfered.
“Don’t you talk to my guests this way, Jin!” he said angry, his eyes throwing flames. “It’s not like you can come here and tell them were to be!”
“Perfect! Then don’t leave!” Jin replied, now getting angry himself. “But you’re not getting away this time, Kazuya” he said, approaching the boy with murderous eyes. “You’re going to talk and listen to me, once and for all. Got that?” he then added, a few inches separating the two of them.
Maru looked confused and tried to calm things down, tho wondering if this was the right choice. He cleared his throat and put a friendly hand on both of them.
“You two better calm down.” He began, though he wanted just to retreat. “I’m sure, Jin, that Kame would listen to you, so don’t get so worked up, nee?”
“If you really know what’s best, then don’t interfere!” Jin hissed without removing his gaze from Kazuya.
“Why not?!” the younger one raised his voice. “A third part is always welcomed!” he added maliciously while Maru pleaded through his eyes not to involve him anymore.
“Okay then, let’s ask for his advice.” Jin agreed and Maru gulped. He always came between these two; was it really necessary to be the same even after their group split? “Tell me, Maru, why didn’t Kazuya answer to any of my calls while I was gone? Or what? Did you have your sex and got rid of your toy?” Jin asked with a low voice and a dark aura surrounded him.
Maru gaped and tried to review in his mind what just Jin said. He wasn’t sure he heard the word ‘sex’ and ‘toy’ and he couldn’t seem to find anything related to the two of them. So, he started logically.
“First, I don’t know why Kame didn’t answered your calls, but you can simply ask him, right?” he said hopefully and looked earnestly at Kazuya.
“I borrowed my phone to my brother, Yuya. I said specifically not to answer any of my private calls.” The younger answered coolly. “And I haven’t heard from him for a week now, since I’ve been busy with work.”
Oh, he didn’t really expect that. Jin was now looking confused at Kazuya, his eyes asking for the rest of his explanation, but luckily enough, there was Maru for them.
“Now, see?” he said gently to Jin, as a mother would do. “As for the second question, I’m a bit of confused myself, to say so.” Maru continued, not really realizing what he was getting into. “What sex and whose toy?” he added, the confusion clear on his face.
At this question, Kazuya flushed bright red and warned Jin through his eyes to keep his mouth shut. The older one just rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything, still waiting for Kazuya’s answer. A silence was now hovering above them, Maru expectantly waiting for an explanation from the two of them while Jin was doing the same only he just wanted Kazuya’s. The younger one kept on licking his lips nervously, looking when to Jin when to Maru. He didn’t want to tell anything to the eldest member of his band, but Jin was keeping a daring silence as if the more he hesitated, the more Maru’s curiosity will perk. He finally gave up and looked at Maru apologetically.
“I’m sorry, Maru… but can you leave us alone?” he said on a low voice, trying to hide his embarrassment, but also his annoyance at Jin.
“You sure?” Maru asked looking worried.
“Definitely. We’re grown-ups now.” Kazuya chuckled softly and looked at the man into his eyes. “Me and Jin can manage alone, sorry to have dragged you into our mess.” He added once again apologetically.
Maru nodded and turned to get his things. He wasn’t that sure that both of them would manage, but he had to trust Kazuya. The boy had matured a lot in the last years and maybe he could hold a conversation with Jin without a need of fists. He inclined his head a bit to both of them and headed for the exit. As he closed the door, he still wondered about the words ‘sex’ and ‘toy’.
Back in the room, the two men still haven’t moved. The silence was deafening but neither of them wanted to break it. They kept staring at each other hoping that the words would just form from thin air and whatever their misunderstanding was to be clarified by them. Finally, Kazuya decided to break the silence. It’s not like they were going to stay like this all evening, right?
“We’re alone.” He said, though the statement was futile.
“And I’m still waiting.” Jin replied. “Your phone was at your brother’s, okay. But you didn’t think not even once to call and tell me that?” he raised an eyebrow at Kazuya.
“Why would I do that seeing that you were having fun with Aubree-chan?” Kazuya retorted, the corners of his lips twitching a little to form a sardonic smile.
“Aubree’s just a friend.” Or not exactly, Jin thought bitterly.
“And I was one of your best friends.” Kazuya replied cheerfully. “Shall I suppose you make a habit out of fucking with friends? Why should she be different?” he added with the most natural attitude on planet.
Jin wanted to say that yes, he has that habit, just that lately he really didn’t have time for that anymore. “She’s not different.” He answered, his eyes never leaving Kazuya. “But you are.”
“Bet you tell that to all the girls.” Kazuya said in English.
“And where exactly do you resemble a girl?” Jin replied, not flinching a bit at his remark in English. That wiped Kazuya’s smirk off his face.
“I don’t know how you see me exactly.” Kazuya shrugged and moved to lean on his couch’s margin. “Maybe you thought of me like all the girls you used to do and then toss them aside. I wouldn’t be any different of them.” He accused, his eyes like piercing daggers hiding the pain behind them.
“If I just wanted to fuck a man who looks like a girl then I would have chosen Yamapi” Jin said with an eyebrow risen. “At least he has bigger boobs.” He laughed stupidly as his own joke.
“Very funny.” The younger replied with a scowl on his face. “Then why did you sleep with me?” he asked, incapable of hiding his need of wanting to know the truth. He was so confused and just wanted an honest answer, no more turn around, no more games. No more stupid remarks like the ones they usually threw at each other.
Well, I could ask you the same thing. Jin refrained to say this knowing that this would lead nowhere and Kazuya won’t say anything before him. He sighed and leaned on the wall. “Because I wanted to” he said, his eyes now observing the ceiling, afraid to look at Kazuya. “Because I never wanted something more, because I couldn’t help myself than to kiss you, to make you mine” he continued with a low voice, almost whispering. “Because I needed you and I still do” he added, this time his gaze searching for Kazuya’s.
He didn’t expect such an answer, one that made his whole being tremble just at the soft whispering of those words. He couldn’t deny the warmth and happiness that engulfed him hearing Jin’s words, he couldn’t refrain his overflowing feelings. He held Jin’s gaze and felt the air sizzling between the two of them, despite the distance. But before he would leap again, he wanted to ask everything that tied him to the doubts.
“Then why did you leave me that morning without a word?”
Jin didn’t reply but approached him and stretched his hand, opening it in front of him. There was a piece of folded paper at which Kazuya looked confused. He took it fearfully and opened it to reveal Jin’s sloppy writing… words that he written for him. In that morning.
Kazu,
Although I would have loved to wake up beside you and to kiss your sleepy and puffy face, I can’t stay. I didn’t mention last night but today I have to go back to America. My plane leaves in two hours so I can’t give your good morning kiss, but I’ll definitely give you lots when I come back!
I’ll call you as soon as I get in America, so please, keep your phone close!
Your Jin.
Kazuya looked up at Jin and he gulped down, frowning a little. Why didn’t he see it? Because he jumped to conclusions, because he didn’t trust Jin completely, because he was still afraid. He crumpled the paper in his fist and took the fist to his lips.
“Thank you.” He whispered, closing his eyes. “And I’m sorry.” He added opening them and looking again at Jin. “The morning I woke up alone, I thought you left me. I waited for you until noon, lying to myself that maybe you went to the store or something like this.” He chuckled a little. “I didn’t see the note until now and I totally regret for not rummaging through all your house in search for it. Maybe I would’ve seen it if I wasn’t afraid. That’s why thank you for always coming back after me even when I tried so hard to runaway. And I’m sorry for always being afraid and having not completely trusted you…”
“Well, I did tell that even if I left KAT-TUN I won’t leave you too.” Jin chuckled and took a seat in the couch. He let his head lean back to look at Kazuya. “Tell me, why are you afraid?” he asked on a scared voice like the answer could decide all of their future.
“Of being left behind.” Kazuya answered immediately, looking at him. “Of being alone.” He shuddered at the thought. “Of you walking out of my life like everything until now means nothing.” He felt his heart beat faster at the spoken out loud words. “I may seem a lone wolf, but it’s loneliness I despise. The same is with you too. I may seem cold and distant with you, but in reality I just want to have you near me… to simply know you’re here, you’ll always be here.”
He knew; Jin knew all of that. He always saw the burning flame in Kazuya’s eyes but he just chose to ignore it, thinking that it isn’t burning for him anymore. He saw the longing in his expression, but he convinced himself that it isn’t him that Kazuya wants. It wasn’t him that Kazuya needed. How could he have known if the younger refused to even meet his eyes?
He silently sighed, his hand searching for Kazuya’s and holding it tight. “Then what can I do so that you believe me?” he asked with a defeated voice. “I tried everything, Kazuya, but I can’t do anything without your help.” He almost pleaded.
“I know. That’s why this time I want to believe without thinking of the consequences, without feeling restrained or…” he trailed off, but he joined Jin on the couch and looked deeply in his eyes. “Just be next to me.” He smiled. “Just be yourself, that’s all I need to believe.” He closed the distance between them and placed a cast kiss on Jin’s lips.
“I promise” Jin answered and put his hands on Kazuya’s waist, bringing him closer. He touched Kazuya’s forehead with his own, his eyes searching the younger’s for any doubt. “I promise that I won’t leave you but I need you to promise the same thing” he asked with a fearful voice.
“I promise” Kazuya answered, smiling like a little child. “I promise to be with you and trust you unconditionally.” He added, licking his lips embarrassed; because all this sounded like the vows of a marriage.
Just then, Jin’s phone started ringing. He growled annoyed and detached himself from Kazuya to answer, decided to yell at the one who dared to interrupt his precious moment with Kazuya. But his eyes widened when he saw the name of the person who was calling.
It was Aubree.
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Hello, minna!! Hisashiburi da ne? XDD
We're sorry for the late update, but we finally managed lol XD Also, I'm sorry for not replying to your comments in the last entry >//////< I've been lazy... but I'm happy to read them and I'll make sure to answer you all~ just to finish exams, two more to go and I'm done!!! i so so hate exams really T_T
The lines with different font are in English spoked as I'm sure you've already figured it out ^^' Other than this... what can we say? Yeah, it's almost close to the ending this story... so wait for it ~ <3 we're going for fluffy xDDD
Well, I hope you've enjoyed this chapter ^^
Lots of huggs!!!