Fifthmus Fic: The Journey (For Tarigwaemir, From Ontogenesis)

[mmmdraco]

Title: The Journey
Author: ontogenesis
Recipient: tarigwaemir ( requests)
Pairing: None
Warnings: None
Summary: Touya Kouyou's quest brings him to a tiny, remote town in China.
Notes: Much thank to my beta, aiwritingfic for her insightful help!
Word Count: 2400

Comments

[uminohikari]

*squees!* I liked the second section the best--the idea of Kouyou not wanting to backtract made a lot of sense.

♥♥♥

[ontogenesis]

Thank you!

:nods: I get the feeling that he doesn't stop to look back after playing Sai. He's a man on a mission.

[tarigwaemir]

Yaaaaaay! I had no idea who got my requests and I didn't really expect this one to be written, so you have no idea how much my breath caught when I read the summary. *_* Oh my gosh, I can't tell you enough how this fic is exactly the one I had half-imagined in my head when I thought up the prompt. I love the description of the scenery in the second part; I've never seen Yunnan even in photos but I could imagine what it must look like. The little details--the prayer flags at the temple, the rough hands of the boy who wants to be his rival--are beautiful and vivid.

It's so appropriate that Touya Kouyou especially remembers the hands of the opponents he plays. I'm also amazed by how you delved into so many complexities in this story: the sense of losing time as one grows older, the passion in chasing after a rival, Touya Kouyou's feelings towards his son.

I loved this line:

He does not regret that decision - he regrets very little he has ever chosen to do

and this:

What Kouyou does know is himself. He holds stones between his

[ontogenesis]

http://ontogenesis.livejournal.com/41731.html I've made a reference post, so if you want a mini-crash course on Yunnan, have at it. :)

I'm pleased to hear that it matches your head-vision, hehe. It really is a gorgeous, inspiring area (which is why some speculate that there are many temples there).

:nods: I think Kouyou is a complex man - he doesn't say much, but that doesn't mean he isn't thinking constantly. I wanted to hint at his rich inner life here.

I liked those lines too. ^^ The one about playing and existing is inspired by the conversations Kouyou has with So Chan Wan and Yang Hai about Sai.

You're welcome! I'm very happy that you like it.

[harumi]

This is a very deep and beautiful story. You have a distinct talent for description. I could practically see the way the road winds up the mountain even though I had never even heard of this Yunan province (nevermind seen pictures, haha... I know next to nothing about China).

My favorite part though, was when Kouyo almost makes Sai's wish. The fact that he does not really emphasizes the difference between him and Sai.

This was beautifully written.

[ontogenesis]

Thank you for your thoughtful words. :) I'm glad to hear the description worked for you - I had to be careful not to be too flowery or over-descriptive since Kouyou is rather terse.

http://ontogenesis.livejournal.com/41731.html I didn't know much about Yunnan either! So I had to do frantic research on it. It's quite interesting; it's China's most ecologically diverse province, and also its most ethnically diverse one.

I wasn't certain about that line when I first wrote it, but I thought he might have such a wish since his desire (like Sai's) is so very very strong. But he has experience and wisdom to ground himself.

[harumi]

But he has experience and wisdom to ground himself.

...and Sai, sadly, did not. *sigh*

I wonder if he was asked again, would he choose it? Knowing Sai, I think he would though.

[aiwritingfic]

I reiterate my deep jealousy that this was a fic for someone else. ♥ But I am so very happy I got to see it grow! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

[ontogenesis]

:) Now I've promised to write you something within the vague, nebulous future.

[aiwritingfic]

*hearts* YOU HAVE. *hearts*

[issen4]

I'm struck by the beautiful way you rendered each scene--you understand Touya Kouyo so well! I can imagine the mountains, the remotenesss, the inaccessibility (unlike Japan, I think) of the terrain. I somehow imagined Yunnan to be more crowded and colourful (from all the tourist brochures I see, but then, those are touristy stuff) but the rustic setting works really well. The boy who wants to be his rival: that was really powerful--and it gives me a tiny thrill that from so far away, another person saw the internet game and was inspired by it.

[ontogenesis]

I'm very gratified to hear that you think I understand Kouyou. He's a very different person from me -(I think I've confessed to having many Ogata-qualities) - so I was worried about writing him.

:nods: Judging from the pictures, I think it's safe to say that Yunnan is very different from Japan... parts of it (like Kunming, the capital) are busy and crowded, but Kouyou's going up into the mountains. Here's some reference info:
http://ontogenesis.livejournal.com/41731.html

Ah, I wasn't sure if the insertion of the boy would seem too deliberately cloying, but it was the idea that stuck in my head, so I kept it. ^^;; I liked the sense of chance and odds; what are the odds that a boy in a remote area with little technology would see that game and become obsessed with it? About as great as a boy stumbling across a possessed goban, I suppose.

Thank you!

[harumi]

Dude, you've never been to Tottori. We've got "inaccessible mountain temples/homes/paths" up the wazoo.

If you guys ever visit me I'm definitely taking you "hiking" up Mt. Mitoku. Short hike, dangerous path. Yes, people do die on it every year. I've climbed it four times now though. You'll finally understand what "inaccessible" really means.

[ontogenesis]

I guess I was referring to "tame" Japan, the places I figure Kouyou has probably been. ^^;; Actually the latest National Geographic has an article about the huge national park in Hokkaido... sounds awesome. I love hiking.