Fic - It's Never Too Late For a Do Over (Brendon/Spencer)
Title: It's Never Too Late For a Do Over
Pairing: Spencer/Brendon, Spencer/Brendon/Spencer - PG-13
Disclaimer: This isn't about you Jensen Ackles. Please don't sue me.
Warnings: Dumb plot devices, breaking the space time continuum, time travel.
Notes: For shutyourface on the occasion of her birth. Happy birthday, bb! Thanks to mercurybard for looking this over.
Word Count: 4,600
Spencer's drunk. It's not unusual really, because Spencer gets drunk a lot. He's a fucking drummer in a fucking band, and that's what rock stars are supposed to do. They get drunk. Only tonight, he actually has a good reason for being drunk.
"You're drunk," Pete says, boosting Spencer up from where he's sprawled across Pete's couch.
"Pete," Spencer says. "Pete, Pete, Pete. Why doesn't Brendon love me?"
Pete stands up and pulls Spencer off the couch. "What's this nonsense?" Pete asks. "Brendon loves you, man."
Suddenly Patrick appears on Spencer's other side, and the two of them start steering Spencer down a hallway away from the noise of the party. "No, no. I mean, yes," Spencer slurs. "But I like love him, and he says we're just friends."
Patrick snorts so loudly it kind of tickles Spencer's ear. "Riiiiight," Patrick says. "You guys are friends the way Pete and I are friends."
Pete laughs too, and he and Patrick pull Spencer into an empty room and throw him on a bed. The bed feels nice, and the room is kind of spinning in that fun way it does right before it starts to make Spencer nauseous.
Pete and Patrick are still smiling, looking down at him with amused expressions on their faces. Spencer knows it's just because they're both sober and drunk people are funny to sober people, but Spencer doesn't really think any of this is funny. "I told him I loved him," Spencer slurs, "and he said we should just be friends. He says I should have told him years ago and now it's too late."
Pete and Patrick share a look, and Pete says, "Patrick?"
Patrick looks sadly at Spencer and he says, "We shouldn't Pete. We shouldn't."
Pete opens his mouth to speak, but Spencer's sleepy and confused, and sober people don't make any sense so he says, "I don't want it to be too late."
Pete says, "Patrick," more desperately than Spencer's ever heard him sound, and Patrick says, "Okay, okay. We'll show him in the morning."
After that, Spencer passes out.
Spencer wakes up with a bitch of a headache. It only gets worse when he opens his eyes to find Pete perched at the end of his bed looking entirely too awake for whatever hour of the morning it is.
"Good morning, sunshine," Pete chirps.
Spencer doesn't know exactly when Pete went from the King of Emo to this perky, upbeat person, but he really wishes he didn't have to deal with it first thing upon waking.
"Blargh," Spencer says, and he rubs his hands over his face to try to clear away the worst of the fog. "I think I'm going to puke."
"No time for that," Pete says standing up and holding out his hand for Spencer to take. "I have something to show you."
Spencer glares, but he takes Pete's hand, because he figures once they’re in the hall he can make a run for the bathroom. Pete's fast, but Spencer's younger, and he has longer legs. He's pretty sure he can out run Pete.
Pete says, "Patrick and I were talking about your dilemma last night, and we want to help."
Spencer has absolutely no idea what Pete's talking about. The only dilemma Spencer has at the moment is whether or not he's going to make it to Pete's bathroom before he pukes all over Pete's carpet.
They're about half way down the hall when a door suddenly springs open and a small girl comes tripping out into the hallway. She has her strappy-heeled shoes in her hand, and her eyeliner is smudged under both her eyes. She looks like a cat caught out with the cream, and her cheeks go rosy as she runs her fingers nervously through her hair.
"Hi," she says, giving the both of them a little wave.
Spencer smiles at her and goes to wave back when he realizes whose room she's currently sneaking out of. Fucking Brendon. He tears his hand out of Pete's and makes a run for the bathroom. He can hear Pete say, "Too much to drink last night," and the girl giggles once, nervous and high before Spencer slams the bathroom door closed.
Spencer dry heaves for a while, because the alcohol long ago made its way out of his stomach and into the rest of his body. There's nothing left for him to puke up, but his body is too stupid to realize it's not getting rid of the poison by that route, at least not anymore.
He rinses his face with really cold water, and he feels a little bit better even if he doesn't look it. Then again, all things considered, Spencer doesn't look too bad for someone who drunkenly confessed his love for one of his best friends, and then had to deal with running into said best friend's one night stand in the hallway the morning after.
Spencer shakes his head at his reflection and says, "You are so screwed." His reflection does not disagree.
Pete is leaning against the wall in the hallway when Spencer exits the bathroom. Spencer grabs his head because he's still hung over. He'd rather not deal with Pete if he doesn't have to. "I just want to go back to bed," Spencer says.
"Sure," Pete says nodding his head. "Just let me show you something really quick, and then you can go right back to sleep, all alone in that big old bed."
Spencer glares, but he figures the best way to get back to his bed in peace is just to follow Pete and do what he wants. They go down the hall and through a door that leads into another hall that Spencer's actually never been in before. Pete's house is big and sprawling, but Spencer didn't realize there was this much to it.
"I've never been in this part of your house before," Spencer says.
"Few have my friend. There's top-secret stuff afoot here. This is where we keep all of Patrick's trucker hats, so security is tight."
Spencer's about to laugh when Pete stops in front of a door that actually does have a security pad next to it on the wall. "What the fuck?" Spencer asks.
Pete smiles toothily and punches in some numbers too quickly for Spencer to keep track. The door clicks, and Pete turns the knob and pushes the door open. "Okay!" Pete says, walking inside. "None of that shit you see in movies is true. You're not going to like... blow yourself up by meeting yourself."
Spencer's only half listening to what Pete's saying, because he's too distracted by the giant machine in the middle of the room. Spencer has no fucking clue what it is, but it looks really, really cool. "What is it?" Spencer asks.
Pete looks at Spencer like he's retarded. "It's a time machine, dude," he says seriously.
Spencer blinks twice and throws his head back, laughing loudly so that the noise reverberates off the wall. "Have you lost your mind?" Spencer asks.
Pete smiles and looks smugly back at Spencer. "Look, you can stand here and argue with me, or you can get in the damn machine and go back and tell Brendon what you should have told him years ago. I don't really give a fuck. I've got my Patrick, and though I like you a great deal, your love life... or lack thereof, doesn't really affect my day to day life, you know?"
Spencer opens his mouth and discovers he doesn't really know what to say. Pete goes over to the machine and starts pressing buttons. "So, anyway," he says. "You can talk to yourself when you go back, but sometimes it's hard to get yourself to listen. It's understandable, what with the whole... you being you thing. Or, you can go talk to Brendon, but that will also have its own set of issues. It's really up to each person to do it their own way."
Spencer says, "Are you fucking serious?"
Pete says, "As a heart attack, my friend." He walks over to Spencer and straps a watch looking things over his wrist. "When you want to come back, just push the button," Pete says pointing to a large black button on the wristband.
"I don't... I mean I can't just..." Spencer mutters.
Pete pats Spencer's shoulder and says, "Sure you can. Just go tell him, it might not make a difference, or it might change everything, but you'll never know if you're too afraid to try."
Spencer swallows hard and says, "How did you do it?"
Pete says, "How do you know I did?"
Spencer just looks at him until Pete laughs and says, "Yeah, I fuck up a lot, but I've actually only used it once... kind of like this, when I waited too long to tell someone something I thought he already knew."
Spencer says, "How did you do it?" again, because he's already fucked up, but there's always a possibility of making things worse, and he really doesn't want to do that.
"I talked to Patrick," Pete says simply. "He always did listen better than I do."
Spencer nods and says, "Anything else I should know?"
Pete shrugs and says, "What you do there will make a difference here, so be careful, but not too careful. It's still you and it's still Brendon. Also, when you're there, you're not here, so don't stay gone too long or someone here is bound to miss you. It's a little different for everyone. Truthfully, I don't really know how it works; only that it does. It's worth trying, Spencer."
Spencer breathes in deep and says, "Okay," before he steps into the machine.
Spencer's stomach suddenly feels like someone's pulling it up through his throat. He takes another deep breath and closes his eyes tight, and when he opens them again, he's standing on a sidewalk with cars rushing by him. It's sunny out and Spencer blinks against the glare. He's still hung over and his sunglasses are back at Pete's house.
It only takes him a second to figure out where he is, because he's been to Baltimore enough times to recognize it, even if he's only been to this particular venue once. He's standing in front of the Sonar, and he knows somewhere, at this very moment, there are four scared boys about to play their first live show on their very first tour.
It's been years since Spencer was here in this time, and he doesn't actually remember where his seventeen year old self is right now, or what he's doing. He does know that in a few hours he'll take the stage, hands trembling, and he'll drum his heart out. Spencer still remembers that -- won't ever forget it -- the way the lights blinded him from seeing the crowd, but how he could still hear them, screaming and cheering and calling their names.
Spencer makes his way across the street to the box office and buys himself a ticket, sends a silent prayer of thanks to whatever god is watching out for him, because apparently he passed out in his jeans last night, and his wallet is still in his back pocket. He knows it's a once in lifetime opportunity to see himself, all of them, from the outside for once. Spencer walks around the venue, finds the buses, even spots their old van, but he doesn't catch sight of anyone he knows, so eventually he walks down the street to get something to eat.
The show starts at seven. Spencer finds himself a spot in the back, tucked into the shadows and watches, breath held tight in his chest as the band takes the stage. He doesn't know who to watch first, his eyes flicking to each of them over and over again. There's Ryan; young, scared, face full of awe. And, there is Brendon, strutting and singing and acting the part of front man. Spencer realizes in that moment that Brendon was always meant to be there, even if he didn't know it yet. Then there's Brent, and Spencer's heart twists painfully with that loss while simultaneously wishing it was Jon up there already, taking his place where he belongs.
They sound terrible, but Spencer smiles anyway. Spencer knows this was it, the moment they all knew they had arrived, and Spencer comforts himself with the knowledge that they've all gotten much, much better since then.
It's a short set. They play their five songs and then make their way off the stage. Spencer watches himself exit and inhales sharply when he realizes his young self is watching Brendon walk off stage with hungry eyes. Spencer remembers this now, sudden and vivid.
Spencer's parents will spring for hotel rooms to congratulate them on their first show. Brent will fall asleep in the one that he and Spencer are sharing, and Ryan will go out with the guys from Augustana to celebrate the start of tour, leaving Brendon alone in his room. He remembers it all. The way his palms were sweating when he knocked on Brendon's hotel room door. The way Brendon smiled at him, and how it made Spencer's stomach fill with butterflies. The moment when he got up the nerve to walk toward Brendon, intent on just grabbing him and kissing him, and how Brendon had turned then and smiled and said, "I'm so glad we're doing this, Spence. I'm so glad I get to do this with my best friends."
Spencer thinks Brendon might have hugged him after that, but it's sort of fuzzy in Spencer's mind now. He just remembers vowing to himself that he wouldn't ruin things between them just because he maybe wanted something he shouldn't.
Spencer waits until he sees Ryan exit the hotel before he makes his way up to their rooms, and this time when he knocks on the door, his palms aren't sweating. Given the circumstances, they probably should be, but Spencer isn't going to let nerves stop him this time, not when he can maybe fix this, and finally have what he's wanted for longer than he can remember.
Brendon answers the door with a smile on his face, before his brow wrinkles in confusion, and then his eyes fly open wide in recognition.
Spencer says, "Let me explain," and Brendon takes a stumbling step back into the room. Spencer steps in too and lets the door close behind him.
Brendon says, "Who the fuck are you?"
Spencer holds his palms out like Brendon is some kind of wild animal that needs soothing. "It's me, Brendon. It's Spencer."
Brendon shakes his head and says, "No, really? Is this some kind of joke?"
Spencer says, "I know this is going to take a lot of faith on your part, but it really is me. Or well... it will be in like four years."
Brendon laughs kind of hysterically. "So you're like what? From the future or something?"
Spencer nods his head rather vigorously and says, "Yes, exactly. I'm from the future."
Brendon says, "Bullshit. Spencer would never dress like that, and also you have a beard."
Spencer thinks maybe there is something fundamentally wrong with Brendon that these are his biggest issues when confronted with time travel, but if Spencer's completely honest with himself, it's part of what he loves best about Brendon.
Spencer blushes a little and says, "Ryan and I have a bet going to see who can dress uglier."
Brendon's eyes go really, really wide then, and he shudders before he says, "Oh my god. I can't even imagine what Ryan is wearing in order to top that."
Spencer laughs and says, "I think maybe I'm winning actually."
Brendon nods his head like he doesn't doubt it for a second. It's kind of offensive, but Spencer is in a mustard yellow Led Zeppelin t-shirt and blue jean vest, so it's not like he can argue. "What about the beard?" Brendon asks.
Spencer blushes even harder and rubs his hand across the back of his neck. "Umm... you once wore this shirt that said, "People would like you better if you grew a beard", and I kind of, maybe took it to heart."
Brendon purses his lips and studies Spencer with his head tilted to the side. He smiles a little, his head tipped down to the floor, and he looks up at Spencer through his lashes and says, "It is kind of manly and sexy."
Spencer can actually hear his mind break. He takes three giant strides across the floor and hauls Brendon against him. Brendon's mouth is really hot, and he's still, so, so tiny, because Spencer had his growth spurt more than a year ago, and this Brendon is still at least a year away from his.
Brendon kisses him back, hot and wet, and Spencer wonders wildly when he learned to do that. They all joke about how Brendon was a virgin, but the truth is, Spencer doesn't really know when he stopped being one, or with who. He puts it out of his mind though, because Brendon is his now, and he's got him warm and pliant in his hands.
Brendon twists his fingers in the ends of Spencer's hair, and moans into Spencer's mouth before he breaks the kiss, licking messily along Spencer's bottom lip. "Your beard feels weird," he says.
Spencer tucks his face against Brendon's neck and laughs. "Hi," Spencer says.
Brendon pushes Spencer back a little so they can look at each other and Brendon says, "Hi. Hi, Spencer. What brings you to 2005?"
Spencer leans in and kisses him again and says, "You. I came back for you."
Brendon looks worried. He says, "Do you not have a me when you came from?"
Spencer shakes his head, smiling ruefully because this time travel stuff is both funny and confusing. "Not the way I want," Spencer says truthfully. "Listen, we don't have a whole lot of time, because the other me is going to come over here soon. He's going to try to tell you something, and he's going to chicken out. You shouldn't let him, Brendon."
Brendon says, "Okay."
Spencer says, "I'm serious, Bren. Don't let him chicken out, and whatever you do, don't tell him he's a good friend."
Brendon says, "Okay," again, only this time it's laughingly.
Spencer knows he should leave, but Brendon's right there. It's like a dream come true, so he kisses him again instead. He gets a little lost in Brendon's mouth, the hot swipe of Brendon's tongue against his own. He's pretty sure he could stand here all night just kissing Brendon, feeling Brendon's pulse beating rapidly against his fingertips where they're resting on Brendon's neck.
Spencer is about to tell him all of that when there's suddenly a loud knock on the door. "Fuck," Spencer says. "That's probably me."
Brendon laughs and they look at each other for one panicked second before Brendon says, "Bathroom, go hide in the bathroom."
Spencer listens to Brendon open the door, hears himself says, "Is someone here?"
Brendon says, "Nope, just you," and Spencer has to bite his lip hard to keep from laughing.
"Oh," his younger self says. "I thought I heard you talking to someone."
Brendon says, "Maybe I was talking to myself. You know how I do that sometimes."
Neither one of them says anything else for a few seconds. Finally younger him says, "So that was a pretty amazing show, right?"
Brendon sighs dramatically and says, "Spencer, you didn't come over here to ask about the show."
"I... didn't?" Spencer stammers, and the Spencer hiding in the bathroom wants to beat his head --or possibly their heads-- against the bathroom door, because they are both seriously mentally deficient.
Brendon says, "Just spit it out. You can tell me."
Spencer closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He should have known better than to leave this up to Brendon. Brendon can barely run his own life, let alone put the two of them on the path to romantic bliss.
He hears himself say, "I think maybe I'm just going to go back to my room. I'll talk to you later."
That's when he opens the door, points an accusing finger at himself, and says, "Don't move a muscle. You're not going anywhere."
His younger self stares at him for a few seconds, takes one shaky step back toward Brendon and says, "What the fuck?"
Brendon says, "Spencer, meet... Spencer." Brendon looks between them obviously enjoying things. Then, he suddenly pales and pulls young Spencer closer to him. "You're not going to blow each other up being this close to one another, are you?"
Spencer sighs and says, "Pete says no, but it's Pete, so we should err on the side of caution."
Brendon nods and says, "Good idea. I'd have to kill you if you made my Spencer cease to exist, and then there wouldn't be any Spencers anywhere and that would be tragic."
Young Spencer obviously gets tired of being ignored at that point. He pastes on his bitchiest look and says, "What the fuck are you wearing and why do I have beard?"
Brendon cracks up so hard that he actually falls on to the floor and Spencer glares at himself really, really hard. Young Spencer may have that bitchy look down pat, but Spencer knows the beard combined with the bitchy look is down right intimidating. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be phasing himself much.
Spencer says, "Brendon get up."
Young Spencer snarls, "Don't tell him what to do!"
Brendon laughs harder rolling around on the floor in delight. "Oh my god," he says. "We should quit the band and go star in a sitcom. We can call it 'My Two Spencers'."
Spencer walks over and hauls Brendon off the floor even as his young self is glaring at him. Spencer says, "You're both idiots," and then he crushes his mouth against Brendon's.
He hears his other self inhale sharply and then he says, "Don't do that. What are you doing?"
Spencer turns to himself and says, "Shh. This is show and tell. No talking." He turns Brendon so that he's facing his seventeen-year-old self and he says, "Kiss him, Spencer."
Spencer looks at him, his face open and young and scared. Spencer feels a moment of tenderness for himself before he pushes Brendon forward a little. Brendon wraps his hands around Spencer's neck and tilts his head back. Their kiss isn't anything like his kiss with Brendon. It's young and so, so sweet it's almost innocent. Spencer suddenly wishes this had been Brendon's first kiss with him. He has a moment to regret before Brendon is turning and pulling him closer, lining their mouths up again.
He tries to make this kiss match the kiss he just witnessed, but he feels like a wild thing is breaking free inside of him every time Brendon's lips touch his. Before he can give it much more thought, he's biting hard into Brendon's bottom lip, making the both of them groan into each other's mouths.
The other Spencer pulls Brendon away and soothes Brendon's bruised mouth with his tongue and soft lips. Spencer watches them kiss and it's suddenly like Spencer knows what it feels like. It's like he's making a memory of it at the same time the other Spencer is. It's then that he realizes why they kiss Brendon so differently. This Spencer, young and foolish, has no idea that he doesn't have forever. He has no idea that this moment is bigger than the three of them, that by walking out the door he left his future self wanting for something he wouldn't ever have.
Spencer snarls, some rumbling broken cry, and he pulls them both by their hands, moves all three of them over to the bed. He pushes himself out of the way, and pulls Brendon's shirt over his head before he pushes Brendon down onto the bed. He goes willingly, smiling as he pulls Spencer on top of him.
"You touched yourself," Brendon says against his mouth. "What if you'd both ceased to exist?"
Spencer thinks about it for a second and says, "It would have been worth it to see you like this."
He hears his own voice, younger, but still distinctly his voice say, "Totally worth it."
His younger self climbs on to the bed next to him. Spencer looks between the two of them, sees that hungry look in his own eyes again, only this time Brendon is returning it. He suddenly feels like an intruder, like he's witnessing something that was only meant for the two of them. He looks at Brendon again, and knows he should just go, but there's a very real possibility that this won't change anything for him in his time, so he leans in and kisses Brendon again, messy, needy. He kisses him like it's the last time he'll get to, because it just might be.
Spencer reluctantly moves to the side and Brendon rolls the other direction so he can kiss the other Spencer. They're developing a pattern, trading off and taking turns, so when Brendon turns back to him, his mouth wet and pink Spencer shakes his head and says, "Kiss him. I want to watch you."
Brendon says, "I technically would be kissing him," but he turns back to his Spencer and starts on the buttons of Spencer's blue shirt with quick unsteady fingers. Spencer watches them for a while, mouths slick and hungry, hands unsteady, touching each other's skin for the first time.
Spencer rolls himself off the bed as gently as he can, trying his hardest not to disturb them. He's not sure they would notice if a bomb went off at this point, they're both so wrapped up in each other. Part of Spencer wants to tell them goodbye, to tell them not to be stupid, and to hold on to whatever it is they're starting here. More than that though, he wants to go home, back to his Brendon, back to whatever future they may or may not have there. He looks back at the bed one last time, and then he presses the button on his wrist.
Spencer wakes up with a bitch of headache. It's somehow made strangely better by the fact that Brendon is sitting next to him in bed in a pair of boxer shorts and an old t-shirt.
"Good morning, sunshine," Brendon says.
Spencer says, "Hi. Good morning."
Brendon scoots closer and wraps himself around Spencer like a two-armed octopus. "You had an awful lot to drink last night."
Spencer nods and says, "Hey, I love you."
Brendon tilts his head back and squints at Spencer, giving him a strange look. "So you tell me from time to time," Brendon says.
Spencer says, "I had this really messed up dream last night. We weren't together, and Pete and Patrick had a time machine, and I went back to that first concert in Baltimore and almost had a threesome with our younger selves."
Brendon laughs against him and says, "I think I've had that dream before too."
Spencer rolls them so that Brendon is sprawled out on top of him. Brendon is looking down on him and Spencer's heart clenches tight in his chest. "It was actually a pretty good dream," Spencer says softly.
Brendon nods and leans down to kiss Spencer. Spencer kisses back, hard and desperate, and it feels like the first time.
Pairing: Spencer/Brendon, Spencer/Brendon/Spencer - PG-13
Disclaimer: This isn't about you Jensen Ackles. Please don't sue me.
Warnings: Dumb plot devices, breaking the space time continuum, time travel.
Notes: For shutyourface on the occasion of her birth. Happy birthday, bb! Thanks to mercurybard for looking this over.
Word Count: 4,600
Spencer's drunk. It's not unusual really, because Spencer gets drunk a lot. He's a fucking drummer in a fucking band, and that's what rock stars are supposed to do. They get drunk. Only tonight, he actually has a good reason for being drunk.
"You're drunk," Pete says, boosting Spencer up from where he's sprawled across Pete's couch.
"Pete," Spencer says. "Pete, Pete, Pete. Why doesn't Brendon love me?"
Pete stands up and pulls Spencer off the couch. "What's this nonsense?" Pete asks. "Brendon loves you, man."
Suddenly Patrick appears on Spencer's other side, and the two of them start steering Spencer down a hallway away from the noise of the party. "No, no. I mean, yes," Spencer slurs. "But I like love him, and he says we're just friends."
Patrick snorts so loudly it kind of tickles Spencer's ear. "Riiiiight," Patrick says. "You guys are friends the way Pete and I are friends."
Pete laughs too, and he and Patrick pull Spencer into an empty room and throw him on a bed. The bed feels nice, and the room is kind of spinning in that fun way it does right before it starts to make Spencer nauseous.
Pete and Patrick are still smiling, looking down at him with amused expressions on their faces. Spencer knows it's just because they're both sober and drunk people are funny to sober people, but Spencer doesn't really think any of this is funny. "I told him I loved him," Spencer slurs, "and he said we should just be friends. He says I should have told him years ago and now it's too late."
Pete and Patrick share a look, and Pete says, "Patrick?"
Patrick looks sadly at Spencer and he says, "We shouldn't Pete. We shouldn't."
Pete opens his mouth to speak, but Spencer's sleepy and confused, and sober people don't make any sense so he says, "I don't want it to be too late."
Pete says, "Patrick," more desperately than Spencer's ever heard him sound, and Patrick says, "Okay, okay. We'll show him in the morning."
After that, Spencer passes out.
Spencer wakes up with a bitch of a headache. It only gets worse when he opens his eyes to find Pete perched at the end of his bed looking entirely too awake for whatever hour of the morning it is.
"Good morning, sunshine," Pete chirps.
Spencer doesn't know exactly when Pete went from the King of Emo to this perky, upbeat person, but he really wishes he didn't have to deal with it first thing upon waking.
"Blargh," Spencer says, and he rubs his hands over his face to try to clear away the worst of the fog. "I think I'm going to puke."
"No time for that," Pete says standing up and holding out his hand for Spencer to take. "I have something to show you."
Spencer glares, but he takes Pete's hand, because he figures once they’re in the hall he can make a run for the bathroom. Pete's fast, but Spencer's younger, and he has longer legs. He's pretty sure he can out run Pete.
Pete says, "Patrick and I were talking about your dilemma last night, and we want to help."
Spencer has absolutely no idea what Pete's talking about. The only dilemma Spencer has at the moment is whether or not he's going to make it to Pete's bathroom before he pukes all over Pete's carpet.
They're about half way down the hall when a door suddenly springs open and a small girl comes tripping out into the hallway. She has her strappy-heeled shoes in her hand, and her eyeliner is smudged under both her eyes. She looks like a cat caught out with the cream, and her cheeks go rosy as she runs her fingers nervously through her hair.
"Hi," she says, giving the both of them a little wave.
Spencer smiles at her and goes to wave back when he realizes whose room she's currently sneaking out of. Fucking Brendon. He tears his hand out of Pete's and makes a run for the bathroom. He can hear Pete say, "Too much to drink last night," and the girl giggles once, nervous and high before Spencer slams the bathroom door closed.
Spencer dry heaves for a while, because the alcohol long ago made its way out of his stomach and into the rest of his body. There's nothing left for him to puke up, but his body is too stupid to realize it's not getting rid of the poison by that route, at least not anymore.
He rinses his face with really cold water, and he feels a little bit better even if he doesn't look it. Then again, all things considered, Spencer doesn't look too bad for someone who drunkenly confessed his love for one of his best friends, and then had to deal with running into said best friend's one night stand in the hallway the morning after.
Spencer shakes his head at his reflection and says, "You are so screwed." His reflection does not disagree.
Pete is leaning against the wall in the hallway when Spencer exits the bathroom. Spencer grabs his head because he's still hung over. He'd rather not deal with Pete if he doesn't have to. "I just want to go back to bed," Spencer says.
"Sure," Pete says nodding his head. "Just let me show you something really quick, and then you can go right back to sleep, all alone in that big old bed."
Spencer glares, but he figures the best way to get back to his bed in peace is just to follow Pete and do what he wants. They go down the hall and through a door that leads into another hall that Spencer's actually never been in before. Pete's house is big and sprawling, but Spencer didn't realize there was this much to it.
"I've never been in this part of your house before," Spencer says.
"Few have my friend. There's top-secret stuff afoot here. This is where we keep all of Patrick's trucker hats, so security is tight."
Spencer's about to laugh when Pete stops in front of a door that actually does have a security pad next to it on the wall. "What the fuck?" Spencer asks.
Pete smiles toothily and punches in some numbers too quickly for Spencer to keep track. The door clicks, and Pete turns the knob and pushes the door open. "Okay!" Pete says, walking inside. "None of that shit you see in movies is true. You're not going to like... blow yourself up by meeting yourself."
Spencer's only half listening to what Pete's saying, because he's too distracted by the giant machine in the middle of the room. Spencer has no fucking clue what it is, but it looks really, really cool. "What is it?" Spencer asks.
Pete looks at Spencer like he's retarded. "It's a time machine, dude," he says seriously.
Spencer blinks twice and throws his head back, laughing loudly so that the noise reverberates off the wall. "Have you lost your mind?" Spencer asks.
Pete smiles and looks smugly back at Spencer. "Look, you can stand here and argue with me, or you can get in the damn machine and go back and tell Brendon what you should have told him years ago. I don't really give a fuck. I've got my Patrick, and though I like you a great deal, your love life... or lack thereof, doesn't really affect my day to day life, you know?"
Spencer opens his mouth and discovers he doesn't really know what to say. Pete goes over to the machine and starts pressing buttons. "So, anyway," he says. "You can talk to yourself when you go back, but sometimes it's hard to get yourself to listen. It's understandable, what with the whole... you being you thing. Or, you can go talk to Brendon, but that will also have its own set of issues. It's really up to each person to do it their own way."
Spencer says, "Are you fucking serious?"
Pete says, "As a heart attack, my friend." He walks over to Spencer and straps a watch looking things over his wrist. "When you want to come back, just push the button," Pete says pointing to a large black button on the wristband.
"I don't... I mean I can't just..." Spencer mutters.
Pete pats Spencer's shoulder and says, "Sure you can. Just go tell him, it might not make a difference, or it might change everything, but you'll never know if you're too afraid to try."
Spencer swallows hard and says, "How did you do it?"
Pete says, "How do you know I did?"
Spencer just looks at him until Pete laughs and says, "Yeah, I fuck up a lot, but I've actually only used it once... kind of like this, when I waited too long to tell someone something I thought he already knew."
Spencer says, "How did you do it?" again, because he's already fucked up, but there's always a possibility of making things worse, and he really doesn't want to do that.
"I talked to Patrick," Pete says simply. "He always did listen better than I do."
Spencer nods and says, "Anything else I should know?"
Pete shrugs and says, "What you do there will make a difference here, so be careful, but not too careful. It's still you and it's still Brendon. Also, when you're there, you're not here, so don't stay gone too long or someone here is bound to miss you. It's a little different for everyone. Truthfully, I don't really know how it works; only that it does. It's worth trying, Spencer."
Spencer breathes in deep and says, "Okay," before he steps into the machine.
Spencer's stomach suddenly feels like someone's pulling it up through his throat. He takes another deep breath and closes his eyes tight, and when he opens them again, he's standing on a sidewalk with cars rushing by him. It's sunny out and Spencer blinks against the glare. He's still hung over and his sunglasses are back at Pete's house.
It only takes him a second to figure out where he is, because he's been to Baltimore enough times to recognize it, even if he's only been to this particular venue once. He's standing in front of the Sonar, and he knows somewhere, at this very moment, there are four scared boys about to play their first live show on their very first tour.
It's been years since Spencer was here in this time, and he doesn't actually remember where his seventeen year old self is right now, or what he's doing. He does know that in a few hours he'll take the stage, hands trembling, and he'll drum his heart out. Spencer still remembers that -- won't ever forget it -- the way the lights blinded him from seeing the crowd, but how he could still hear them, screaming and cheering and calling their names.
Spencer makes his way across the street to the box office and buys himself a ticket, sends a silent prayer of thanks to whatever god is watching out for him, because apparently he passed out in his jeans last night, and his wallet is still in his back pocket. He knows it's a once in lifetime opportunity to see himself, all of them, from the outside for once. Spencer walks around the venue, finds the buses, even spots their old van, but he doesn't catch sight of anyone he knows, so eventually he walks down the street to get something to eat.
The show starts at seven. Spencer finds himself a spot in the back, tucked into the shadows and watches, breath held tight in his chest as the band takes the stage. He doesn't know who to watch first, his eyes flicking to each of them over and over again. There's Ryan; young, scared, face full of awe. And, there is Brendon, strutting and singing and acting the part of front man. Spencer realizes in that moment that Brendon was always meant to be there, even if he didn't know it yet. Then there's Brent, and Spencer's heart twists painfully with that loss while simultaneously wishing it was Jon up there already, taking his place where he belongs.
They sound terrible, but Spencer smiles anyway. Spencer knows this was it, the moment they all knew they had arrived, and Spencer comforts himself with the knowledge that they've all gotten much, much better since then.
It's a short set. They play their five songs and then make their way off the stage. Spencer watches himself exit and inhales sharply when he realizes his young self is watching Brendon walk off stage with hungry eyes. Spencer remembers this now, sudden and vivid.
Spencer's parents will spring for hotel rooms to congratulate them on their first show. Brent will fall asleep in the one that he and Spencer are sharing, and Ryan will go out with the guys from Augustana to celebrate the start of tour, leaving Brendon alone in his room. He remembers it all. The way his palms were sweating when he knocked on Brendon's hotel room door. The way Brendon smiled at him, and how it made Spencer's stomach fill with butterflies. The moment when he got up the nerve to walk toward Brendon, intent on just grabbing him and kissing him, and how Brendon had turned then and smiled and said, "I'm so glad we're doing this, Spence. I'm so glad I get to do this with my best friends."
Spencer thinks Brendon might have hugged him after that, but it's sort of fuzzy in Spencer's mind now. He just remembers vowing to himself that he wouldn't ruin things between them just because he maybe wanted something he shouldn't.
Spencer waits until he sees Ryan exit the hotel before he makes his way up to their rooms, and this time when he knocks on the door, his palms aren't sweating. Given the circumstances, they probably should be, but Spencer isn't going to let nerves stop him this time, not when he can maybe fix this, and finally have what he's wanted for longer than he can remember.
Brendon answers the door with a smile on his face, before his brow wrinkles in confusion, and then his eyes fly open wide in recognition.
Spencer says, "Let me explain," and Brendon takes a stumbling step back into the room. Spencer steps in too and lets the door close behind him.
Brendon says, "Who the fuck are you?"
Spencer holds his palms out like Brendon is some kind of wild animal that needs soothing. "It's me, Brendon. It's Spencer."
Brendon shakes his head and says, "No, really? Is this some kind of joke?"
Spencer says, "I know this is going to take a lot of faith on your part, but it really is me. Or well... it will be in like four years."
Brendon laughs kind of hysterically. "So you're like what? From the future or something?"
Spencer nods his head rather vigorously and says, "Yes, exactly. I'm from the future."
Brendon says, "Bullshit. Spencer would never dress like that, and also you have a beard."
Spencer thinks maybe there is something fundamentally wrong with Brendon that these are his biggest issues when confronted with time travel, but if Spencer's completely honest with himself, it's part of what he loves best about Brendon.
Spencer blushes a little and says, "Ryan and I have a bet going to see who can dress uglier."
Brendon's eyes go really, really wide then, and he shudders before he says, "Oh my god. I can't even imagine what Ryan is wearing in order to top that."
Spencer laughs and says, "I think maybe I'm winning actually."
Brendon nods his head like he doesn't doubt it for a second. It's kind of offensive, but Spencer is in a mustard yellow Led Zeppelin t-shirt and blue jean vest, so it's not like he can argue. "What about the beard?" Brendon asks.
Spencer blushes even harder and rubs his hand across the back of his neck. "Umm... you once wore this shirt that said, "People would like you better if you grew a beard", and I kind of, maybe took it to heart."
Brendon purses his lips and studies Spencer with his head tilted to the side. He smiles a little, his head tipped down to the floor, and he looks up at Spencer through his lashes and says, "It is kind of manly and sexy."
Spencer can actually hear his mind break. He takes three giant strides across the floor and hauls Brendon against him. Brendon's mouth is really hot, and he's still, so, so tiny, because Spencer had his growth spurt more than a year ago, and this Brendon is still at least a year away from his.
Brendon kisses him back, hot and wet, and Spencer wonders wildly when he learned to do that. They all joke about how Brendon was a virgin, but the truth is, Spencer doesn't really know when he stopped being one, or with who. He puts it out of his mind though, because Brendon is his now, and he's got him warm and pliant in his hands.
Brendon twists his fingers in the ends of Spencer's hair, and moans into Spencer's mouth before he breaks the kiss, licking messily along Spencer's bottom lip. "Your beard feels weird," he says.
Spencer tucks his face against Brendon's neck and laughs. "Hi," Spencer says.
Brendon pushes Spencer back a little so they can look at each other and Brendon says, "Hi. Hi, Spencer. What brings you to 2005?"
Spencer leans in and kisses him again and says, "You. I came back for you."
Brendon looks worried. He says, "Do you not have a me when you came from?"
Spencer shakes his head, smiling ruefully because this time travel stuff is both funny and confusing. "Not the way I want," Spencer says truthfully. "Listen, we don't have a whole lot of time, because the other me is going to come over here soon. He's going to try to tell you something, and he's going to chicken out. You shouldn't let him, Brendon."
Brendon says, "Okay."
Spencer says, "I'm serious, Bren. Don't let him chicken out, and whatever you do, don't tell him he's a good friend."
Brendon says, "Okay," again, only this time it's laughingly.
Spencer knows he should leave, but Brendon's right there. It's like a dream come true, so he kisses him again instead. He gets a little lost in Brendon's mouth, the hot swipe of Brendon's tongue against his own. He's pretty sure he could stand here all night just kissing Brendon, feeling Brendon's pulse beating rapidly against his fingertips where they're resting on Brendon's neck.
Spencer is about to tell him all of that when there's suddenly a loud knock on the door. "Fuck," Spencer says. "That's probably me."
Brendon laughs and they look at each other for one panicked second before Brendon says, "Bathroom, go hide in the bathroom."
Spencer listens to Brendon open the door, hears himself says, "Is someone here?"
Brendon says, "Nope, just you," and Spencer has to bite his lip hard to keep from laughing.
"Oh," his younger self says. "I thought I heard you talking to someone."
Brendon says, "Maybe I was talking to myself. You know how I do that sometimes."
Neither one of them says anything else for a few seconds. Finally younger him says, "So that was a pretty amazing show, right?"
Brendon sighs dramatically and says, "Spencer, you didn't come over here to ask about the show."
"I... didn't?" Spencer stammers, and the Spencer hiding in the bathroom wants to beat his head --or possibly their heads-- against the bathroom door, because they are both seriously mentally deficient.
Brendon says, "Just spit it out. You can tell me."
Spencer closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He should have known better than to leave this up to Brendon. Brendon can barely run his own life, let alone put the two of them on the path to romantic bliss.
He hears himself say, "I think maybe I'm just going to go back to my room. I'll talk to you later."
That's when he opens the door, points an accusing finger at himself, and says, "Don't move a muscle. You're not going anywhere."
His younger self stares at him for a few seconds, takes one shaky step back toward Brendon and says, "What the fuck?"
Brendon says, "Spencer, meet... Spencer." Brendon looks between them obviously enjoying things. Then, he suddenly pales and pulls young Spencer closer to him. "You're not going to blow each other up being this close to one another, are you?"
Spencer sighs and says, "Pete says no, but it's Pete, so we should err on the side of caution."
Brendon nods and says, "Good idea. I'd have to kill you if you made my Spencer cease to exist, and then there wouldn't be any Spencers anywhere and that would be tragic."
Young Spencer obviously gets tired of being ignored at that point. He pastes on his bitchiest look and says, "What the fuck are you wearing and why do I have beard?"
Brendon cracks up so hard that he actually falls on to the floor and Spencer glares at himself really, really hard. Young Spencer may have that bitchy look down pat, but Spencer knows the beard combined with the bitchy look is down right intimidating. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be phasing himself much.
Spencer says, "Brendon get up."
Young Spencer snarls, "Don't tell him what to do!"
Brendon laughs harder rolling around on the floor in delight. "Oh my god," he says. "We should quit the band and go star in a sitcom. We can call it 'My Two Spencers'."
Spencer walks over and hauls Brendon off the floor even as his young self is glaring at him. Spencer says, "You're both idiots," and then he crushes his mouth against Brendon's.
He hears his other self inhale sharply and then he says, "Don't do that. What are you doing?"
Spencer turns to himself and says, "Shh. This is show and tell. No talking." He turns Brendon so that he's facing his seventeen-year-old self and he says, "Kiss him, Spencer."
Spencer looks at him, his face open and young and scared. Spencer feels a moment of tenderness for himself before he pushes Brendon forward a little. Brendon wraps his hands around Spencer's neck and tilts his head back. Their kiss isn't anything like his kiss with Brendon. It's young and so, so sweet it's almost innocent. Spencer suddenly wishes this had been Brendon's first kiss with him. He has a moment to regret before Brendon is turning and pulling him closer, lining their mouths up again.
He tries to make this kiss match the kiss he just witnessed, but he feels like a wild thing is breaking free inside of him every time Brendon's lips touch his. Before he can give it much more thought, he's biting hard into Brendon's bottom lip, making the both of them groan into each other's mouths.
The other Spencer pulls Brendon away and soothes Brendon's bruised mouth with his tongue and soft lips. Spencer watches them kiss and it's suddenly like Spencer knows what it feels like. It's like he's making a memory of it at the same time the other Spencer is. It's then that he realizes why they kiss Brendon so differently. This Spencer, young and foolish, has no idea that he doesn't have forever. He has no idea that this moment is bigger than the three of them, that by walking out the door he left his future self wanting for something he wouldn't ever have.
Spencer snarls, some rumbling broken cry, and he pulls them both by their hands, moves all three of them over to the bed. He pushes himself out of the way, and pulls Brendon's shirt over his head before he pushes Brendon down onto the bed. He goes willingly, smiling as he pulls Spencer on top of him.
"You touched yourself," Brendon says against his mouth. "What if you'd both ceased to exist?"
Spencer thinks about it for a second and says, "It would have been worth it to see you like this."
He hears his own voice, younger, but still distinctly his voice say, "Totally worth it."
His younger self climbs on to the bed next to him. Spencer looks between the two of them, sees that hungry look in his own eyes again, only this time Brendon is returning it. He suddenly feels like an intruder, like he's witnessing something that was only meant for the two of them. He looks at Brendon again, and knows he should just go, but there's a very real possibility that this won't change anything for him in his time, so he leans in and kisses Brendon again, messy, needy. He kisses him like it's the last time he'll get to, because it just might be.
Spencer reluctantly moves to the side and Brendon rolls the other direction so he can kiss the other Spencer. They're developing a pattern, trading off and taking turns, so when Brendon turns back to him, his mouth wet and pink Spencer shakes his head and says, "Kiss him. I want to watch you."
Brendon says, "I technically would be kissing him," but he turns back to his Spencer and starts on the buttons of Spencer's blue shirt with quick unsteady fingers. Spencer watches them for a while, mouths slick and hungry, hands unsteady, touching each other's skin for the first time.
Spencer rolls himself off the bed as gently as he can, trying his hardest not to disturb them. He's not sure they would notice if a bomb went off at this point, they're both so wrapped up in each other. Part of Spencer wants to tell them goodbye, to tell them not to be stupid, and to hold on to whatever it is they're starting here. More than that though, he wants to go home, back to his Brendon, back to whatever future they may or may not have there. He looks back at the bed one last time, and then he presses the button on his wrist.
Spencer wakes up with a bitch of headache. It's somehow made strangely better by the fact that Brendon is sitting next to him in bed in a pair of boxer shorts and an old t-shirt.
"Good morning, sunshine," Brendon says.
Spencer says, "Hi. Good morning."
Brendon scoots closer and wraps himself around Spencer like a two-armed octopus. "You had an awful lot to drink last night."
Spencer nods and says, "Hey, I love you."
Brendon tilts his head back and squints at Spencer, giving him a strange look. "So you tell me from time to time," Brendon says.
Spencer says, "I had this really messed up dream last night. We weren't together, and Pete and Patrick had a time machine, and I went back to that first concert in Baltimore and almost had a threesome with our younger selves."
Brendon laughs against him and says, "I think I've had that dream before too."
Spencer rolls them so that Brendon is sprawled out on top of him. Brendon is looking down on him and Spencer's heart clenches tight in his chest. "It was actually a pretty good dream," Spencer says softly.
Brendon nods and leans down to kiss Spencer. Spencer kisses back, hard and desperate, and it feels like the first time.