Little Earthquakes (Chapter 21)
Title: Little Earthquakes (21/?)
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: NC-17
Summary: When Arizona is attacked in the parking lot of Seattle Grace, everything changes...and her relationship with Callie is put to the test.
Content Warning
This story deals with the topic of rape and recovery. I am rating it a hard M for graphic depictions of rape, violence, and, eventually, consensual sex.
I would never write about rape frivolously, nor to titillate. There's a lot of fan fiction out there that deals with sexual assault in all manner of ways, many of them distasteful. The last thing I want to do is add to the litany of "rapefic" that traumatizes beloved characters for the sake of creating a juicy story.
At the same time, rape and sexual assault is a reality. As such, I believe it is a legitimate subject for fiction, especially when the focus is not so much on the physical act but on the psychological repercussions, the aftershocks such an event can unleash in a survivor's life.
If the frank depiction of rape and the pain of recovery (physical, emotional, and sexual) is likely to trigger or otherwise upset you, I would honestly give this story a pass. I don't plan on pulling any punches. I do plan on handling this the most respectful way I know how.
There's really no excuse. Well, actually, I've got plenty of excuses. Some of them are even good. But you're not interested in hearing about that, right?
Once again, thank you for sticking with this story. I appreciate it, even when I don't have time to reply to every comment and review. Believe me, I read and cherish each one.
Also, because the cat is already pretty much out of the bag… if you're enjoying this story, please consider checking out some of my original fiction. I publish under the name Meghan O'Brien, and currently have four lesbian fiction (romance) novels available, with the fifth-a paranormal romance-scheduled for release in June 2011. My books are available on the Bold Strokes Books website, or at your friendly online retailer such as Amazon or Barnes and Noble, among others.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Arizona sat on her favorite bench in the park, gazing down at the city while her lunch lay uneaten at her side. It was midday and Seattle's streets bustled with activity, but she couldn't overcome the anxiety that twisted inside her belly, stealing her appetite. The occasional jogger or young mother with a stroller passed by on the path behind her, reassuring her that she wasn't alone. Even still, in the moments when nobody was within sight, or whenever Arizona spotted a lone male approaching, irrational panic kicked in.
That panic was exactly why she'd decided to eat lunch here today. With Callie in surgery and the trial weighing heavily on her mind, dealing with the social gauntlet of the hospital cafeteria seemed even less appealing than confronting her fear of being alone. In their last session, Arizona had focused on that morning she hadn't been able to get out of her car in the dark. Though Dr. Watson assured her that it was perfectly normal to be afraid, she'd also given Arizona an assignment to actively face her fears whenever she could.
So here she sat. On her favorite bench, in her favorite section of the park. She hadn't come here alone in months, too afraid of being vulnerable out in the open.
Now it was time to reclaim this sanctuary.
Arizona tensed instinctively at the muffled sound of approaching footfalls, glancing over her shoulder to see a man walking toward her dressed in jeans and a baseball jersey. He ambled down the path, scanning his surroundings with interest, then stumbled slightly when his gaze fell on Arizona. He raised an eyebrow, gave her a smirk. As he drew closer, she saw him assessing her body greedily. It was a look she'd gotten from men hundreds of times before the rape and it had never frightened her then. Now she felt like a rabbit in the path of a wolf.
Arizona swiveled around, not wanting to invite conversation. With her back to him, she held her breath and waited for him to pass, closing her eyes briefly when she sensed he was directly behind her. Her hand crept to her purse, unconsciously seeking out her canister of pepper spray. After taking a moment to steel her nerve, she glanced over her other shoulder. He strolled away from her without saying anything, attention now fixed on an iPod in his hand.
Shoulders slumping, Arizona fought not to berate herself as the threat of immediate danger dissipated. This wasn't her. She never used to feel like this. This was something Colin Thomas had done to her. Angry tears filled her eyes, but Arizona wiped them away quickly. Crying wouldn't bring back the woman she used to be.
Arizona straightened, refocusing on the city below. Time to try again.
She'd found this place less than a week after starting work at Seattle Grace. It had taken her only a couple of days navigating the hospital hallways to realize that she was working in a hotbed of drama and gossip, so finding a suitable escape had been priority number one. Here she'd always found peace. It had truly been her safe haven, before that night. These days she needed safety more than ever, so getting this refuge back was her new priority.
It was bittersweet to think about the Arizona who used to eat her lunch on this bench, smiling happily at everyone and everything. She had been so blissfully ignorant then. It had never really occurred to that Arizona that someone could just decide to hurt her-she'd always understood the possibility of assault in an abstract way, of course, but that Arizona never imagined it would happen to her.
Sometimes she resented that poor, naïve woman, even as she yearned to find her again. Having her innocence stolen had been nasty and brutal, but it was the knowledge that she could never get it back that would always make her ache.
A child's high-pitched voice caught her attention, drawing her gaze over her shoulder again. Behind her a young mother walked with her tow-headed son, their excited back-and-forth chatter drawing an unthinking smile to Arizona's face. The smile became a full-fledged grin when she spotted Teddy Altman approaching from the opposite direction with a brown paper bag in her hand.
Teddy gave her a cautious wave and a half-smile. "Callie told me I'd find you here. I hope I'm not intruding."
"Not at all." Arizona scooted over to make room on the bench, happy for the visit. She'd had enough of facing her fears for one day. "I'm ready for some company."
"Good. Callie said you wanted time alone, but I was hoping you'd feel that way." Digging into the paper bag, Teddy carefully extracted a small strawberry tart. "I come bearing a gift."
Arizona threw her arms around Teddy and squeezed, then took the tart and nibbled reverently at one edge. It was probably pathetic just how quickly a friend and a French pastry lifted her spirits, but she was happy to bask in the sudden change of mood. "Thank you."
"Anytime." Teddy took a neat bite of her own tart, studying Arizona's face as she chewed. "How are you?"
Long past hiding her feelings from Teddy, Arizona had no problem being totally honest. "Tired of feeling afraid."
Teddy stopped chewing for a moment, as though surprised by the easy admission. "Afraid of what?"
"Men in parks. Nighttime. Being alone. Testifying." Arizona paused to rein in the emotion that instinctively rose as she rattled off the major items on a too-long list. "Everything, I guess."
Teddy surveyed their surroundings before pinning Arizona with compassionate eyes. "Are you afraid right now?"
"Not anymore."
"It's scary, seeing the world in a different way," Teddy said quietly. "Seeing it as more savage. And it's normal, you know, to be hyper-vigilant after surviving a violent attack. So don't get down on yourself, okay? Give it time. It will get better."
"It has to." Arizona slipped the rest of her tart back into the brown paper bag, no longer interested. Then, craving physical comfort, she rested her head on Teddy's shoulder. Pleased when Teddy wrapped an arm around her shoulders, Arizona cuddled close and soaked up the affection. "This sucks. I feel so pathetic."
"You're not pathetic. I was the same way. And I knew my attackers-their names, their faces. It wasn't like a stranger suddenly jumped out at me. I can only imagine how unsettling that would make even the most mundane trip outside."
"Very," Arizona murmured.
Teddy pulled her closer. "After it happened, I couldn't stand to go to bars or parties-anywhere with music and drinking and men. Even when there would be crowds of people around, both men and women, I'd just shake like a leaf." She gazed into the distance as she spoke, her eyes faraway. "It wasn't the same situation, I knew that there was very little chance anything bad would happen if I stayed with the crowd, but my body and my brain would simply react. I didn't feel like I had any control over it."
It was hard to picture Teddy like that. That alone gave Arizona hope that time would help erode these fears, and her reactions to them. "I'm afraid every time I see a man walking toward me. Even in broad daylight, in a public park, in a spot I've sat in dozens of times without anything ever happening. And it makes me feel so broken, and so ridiculous."
"You're not ridiculous. Everything you thought you knew is different now. Reality is different. It's okay to struggle with that." Teddy's voice caught. "You're so brave, Arizona, really. Don't ever doubt that."
Arizona picked up her head and met Teddy's gaze. "No matter what, I'll never be able to go back to the way I was before. Will I?"
"No." Teddy gave her a small smile. "But at least now you know how strong you really are."
Exhaling, Arizona glanced around the park again. A pair of female joggers approached from one direction, a lone male jogger from the other. There was nothing threatening about this place. The ominous sense of danger that hovered over it came from within Arizona's mind, at odds with their seemingly innocuous surroundings. In a way, she was starting to get used to this ever-present disquiet-she pretty much felt unsafe everywhere except at home, with Callie. "When does it get better?"
"I wish I had an answer for you." Teddy cleaned the remnants of her tart off her fingers, then met Arizona's gaze cautiously. "Honestly, I'm hoping this trial will help give you some peace of mind."
Arizona's stomach twisted. Lately she only needed to hear the word trial to be flooded with anxiety. It made work interesting, what with every mention of a clinical trial sending her into severe bouts of nausea. She couldn't imagine how she would feel in the days before she testified when the thought made her so sick now.
When Arizona didn't answer, Teddy said, "It's coming up soon, huh?"
Though she'd always heard that these things could drag on for months, the state's case against Colin Thomas seemed to be barreling full-steam ahead. Unless the trial date was postponed-a very real possibility she wasn't exactly dreading-Arizona would be testifying within the next month. "Yeah."
"I can tell by the look on your face that you're terrified."
Swallowing the urge to vomit, Arizona murmured, "I don't really want to talk about it."
"We don't have to talk about it," Teddy said, "but I did want to ask you something."
Teddy's quiet hesitation caught her attention. "What's up?"
Looking caught between uncertainty and embarrassment, Teddy said, "May I be there for you? When you testify?"
Arizona tried not to let her body react to the word testify, focusing instead on how she would feel if Teddy were there. While she would probably appreciate another friendly face in the crowd, it was hard to think about Teddy listening to her answer Kent Johnson's questions. That would mean allowing her to hear every excruciating detail, things she'd only told Callie, Dr. Watson, and the prosecutor.
Teddy spoke up before she could answer. "If you don't want me there, I understand."
"It's not that." Ashamed to admit just how embarrassed she was, Arizona shook her head. "I just…"
"I hope I haven't overstepped." Teddy drew away slightly, giving her room to breathe. "To tell you the truth, your attack has reawakened some…stuff…for me. Things I haven't thought about or dealt with since college. I never went through a trial. I didn't even have the confidence to report those guys. What you're doing is so brave, and I'm so glad for you that you have this opportunity, no matter how scary it must be-for this closure. That's something I'll never have. I have to imagine it helps."
"I'm sorry." Arizona put a hand on Teddy's wrist and squeezed. She'd gotten so used to drawing strength from Teddy's ability to empathize, yet she'd never really considered what emotions this informal counseling must be stirring up in her friend. "Teddy…"
Teddy shook her head, silencing Arizona. "I can live with not having that closure, but I desperately want to be there with you during this trial. As your friend, but also as a woman who was raped."
The impassioned plea snapped Arizona out of her indecision. "Yes. I want you to be there."
"You're sure?"
"You've been there for me from the beginning. Talking to you was what really started me healing. Seems only right that you be there for this part, too."
Teddy beamed. "Thank you." She patted Arizona's knee. "You're going to be great."
Arizona rolled her eyes. "We'll see. Honestly, it'll be good to have you around. You and Callie can share the burden of dealing with my anxiety-ridden, nauseated ass."
Teddy laughed, bumping Arizona gently with her shoulder. "Well, when you sell it to me like that…" She sobered quickly. "Really, though, thank you. I know it's selfish for me to ask that of you, but-"
"No, it's not." Arizona managed a genuine smile. "No more selfish than everything I've asked of you. So…subject closed."
Teddy blew out a noisy exhalation. "Good. I've been so nervous to ask." Shaking her head, she shot Arizona a playful grin. "Okay, so now that the hard part's over, let's talk about something happy."
Despite everything, Arizona didn't have to reach to find an appropriately happy topic. "I did a bunch of research online for our trip to Spain last night. I can't buy tickets yet, in case the trial date is moved, but I'm making a plan. So far it looks like I'm going to spend half my time dragging Callie to a rapidly growing list of historic and cultural sites, and the other half ogling her on the beach."
"Nice." Teddy gave her a knowing smirk. "I'm willing to bet more than half your time will be spent ogling, though."
"You're probably right." Just the thought of Callie's dark, exotic beauty brightened her mood. "I plan on admiring and appreciating her every chance I get."
"Sounds like you're hoping for a steamy vacation."
"I am hoping, yes." Arizona fought back the heat that rose in her cheeks when she thought about the few Mediterranean fantasies she'd already entertained. "I think I'm going to need that, after the trial. To lose myself in her."
"So all that…is going well?" Charmingly, Teddy also blushed. "If it's not too weird and personal to ask?"
"I think you and I are way past weird and personal at this point." Arizona couldn't stop the look of satisfaction she could feel spreading over her face. "All that is pretty freakin' super-awesome, actually. Like, better than ever. Hot."
Glowing redder, Teddy raised an eyebrow. "Relieved?"
"More like elated." She allowed herself a moment to luxuriate in memories of their recent lovemaking, all of it the best sex she'd ever had. "In some terrible way, this has brought us so much closer."
"Well, that's something. Right?"
"Absolutely." Shrugging, Arizona said, "Not sure I'd choose to do it all over again the same way, but it's been pretty amazing to see how much Calliope loves me, and what our relationship can actually withstand."
"Being able to acknowledge that something good has come out of this whole mess is huge." Teddy tilted her head. "That's how you get better. Turn the pain into strength. Recognize how this has changed you, for the worse, but also for the better."
"I think that'll be easier after the trial," Arizona said. "But I hear what you're saying."
Teddy started to answer, but the melodic ring of Arizona's cell phone cut her off. She tipped her head. "Go ahead and answer that."
Arizona checked the display. "It's Callie. Hold on a minute." She swiped her thumb across the screen, answering the call. "Calliope," she chirped. "I was just talking about how hot you are. Were your ears burning?"
As soon as Callie chuckled half-heartedly, Arizona knew something was wrong. Her sober tone confirmed it. "Just good timing on my part."
"Is everything okay?" Arizona frowned. "You sound upset."
"Well…I am upset."
"Tell me what happened." Arizona caught Teddy's concerned gaze, shrugging as she waited for Callie to pull the rug out from under her feet. It seemed lately that every time Callie came to her sounding this serious, it was with earth-shattering news. "Did they release him?"
"No!" Callie said quickly, and Arizona shook her head at Teddy's look of alarm. "Nothing like that."
"Then what?"
Callie hesitated, and Arizona could practically hear her trying to decide how to say whatever it was she needed to say. Finally, voice tight, Callie said, "Kent Johnson from the prosecutor's office called me."
"He called you?" That was odd. Up until now, Kent and Sandy had only communicated directly with Arizona. Which made sense, since she was their witness. "What did he say?"
"The defense submitted their witness list this morning." Callie swallowed audibly. "And, um, I'm on it."
At first she wasn't quite sure what Callie was saying. It didn't make any sense. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, the defense is going to call me as a witness." Anger sharpened Callie's words. "I have no idea why. Maybe it has something to do with me performing surgery on him, or what happened in his room when I confronted him. Kent wants to meet with me to discuss that night so he can be better prepared for what Colin Thomas's lawyers might ask me."
Arizona's mind might have been swimming if she didn't feel so strangely numb. It was almost as though she'd lost the ability to feel anything about these new developments anymore. It was all too much. "Oh."
"I'm so sorry, Arizona." Now Callie sounded near tears. "I don't know what they'll ask me or what I'll have to tell them. It's possible that what I did to him that night could jeopardize the prosecution's case. I can't imagine how, and I can't bear to think that my actions might hurt our chances that he'll be punished, but I just…I'm sorry."
"Don't you ever be sorry for that," Arizona said softly, echoing a sentiment she'd heard from Callie countless times. "He came into the ER and you did your job as a surgeon-you fixed his legs. Then when you found out who he probably was, you reacted as my partner. I don't blame you for that. I would have done the same thing." She thought about it for a moment. "Maybe even worse."
Callie heaved a sigh. "You don't have to go with me when I meet with Kent Johnson. Not unless you want to."
"I wouldn't make you go through that alone," Arizona said, even as her gut churned at the thought of sitting through another discussion about the trial. But, hey, at least it was one more opportunity to confront her fears. "Just tell me when."
#
Two days later, Arizona sat beside Callie in the conference room at the prosecutor's office with her arms folded over her chest. Her knee jiggled beneath the table, evidence of anxiety that only Callie could see. Kent Johnson sat across from them, looking deadly serious. Guilt lanced through Callie's gut at the tension in the air-Arizona didn't need this on top of everything else, and it was Callie's impulsive behavior that had brought them here today.
Arizona was the first to break the ice. "I don't understand why the defense would call Callie as a witness. They must know she's not going to say anything to help that man."
Kent Johnson laced his fingers together on the tabletop. Though he had projected unwavering confidence during their previous meeting, now Callie saw tautness in his shoulders indicative of stress. "They must think that Callie can tell them something that will be valuable to their case."
"Still, Callie?" Arizona's knee stilled. "She's my partner. It seems like a risky move, calling someone with a vested interest in seeing your client convicted."
"We've got DNA evidence, an eyewitness, a leap from a tall window that can be read as an admission of guilt…" Ken trailed off. "Trust me, they're going to do whatever they can to increase their odds of successfully defending the indefensible. What will probably happen is that the defense will ask the judge to declare Callie a hostile witness. That'll give them the freedom to ask leading questions, which usually only happens during cross-examination. Our strategy will be to go over what happened the night Colin Thomas was brought to the hospital-hopefully we'll be able to anticipate what they've decided to seize on for their case."
Callie kept her head down and her gaze locked on the table, unable to make eye contact with Arizona. Since Kent's phone call the other day, she'd been dreading this meeting, and the conversation it would require. It was bad enough that the defense thought she could help their case. Even worse was knowing that this meant she would be asked to talk about what had happened during her confrontation with Colin Thomas. She'd kept the details from Arizona on purpose, aware that his callous words would only hurt her.
"Calliope?"
Arizona's gentle voice startled her back into reality. Embarrassed by the realization that they were both waiting for her to speak, Callie cleared her throat. "Yes?"
"Can you tell us what happened when Colin Thomas arrived at the emergency room?" Kent's deep baritone drew her attention across the table. He gave her a kind smile. "Please."
Swallowing, Callie said, "My colleague Dr. Owen Hunt came into the pit with a man on a gurney. He called for me to help-I'm an orthopedic surgeon and both the man's legs were shattered. Messy, devastating breaks. The man was screaming, there was blood everywhere. I noticed that he was wearing blue jeans, but no shirt. As I began to assess his condition, I realized that police officers had accompanied him in. I asked one of the officers what happened."
"And what did he tell you?"
"That the man's name was Colin Thomas, and it appeared that he'd broken into a girl's apartment and raped her. Then he jumped out of the fourth-story bedroom window when her brother came home early and caught him in the act."
"After what happened to Dr. Robbins-your partner-that must have been difficult for you." Kent searched her face as he waited for an answer. "Treating him, I mean, knowing what he'd done."
Aware that he was playing a role, testing her, Callie replied, "It was difficult to know that he'd hurt a woman the way someone had hurt Arizona, but it wasn't hard to do my job. I'm a surgeon. I fix people-anyone who needs fixing, regardless of who they are or what they've done."
Kent nodded. "Good. So what happened after the surgery?"
"After I successfully repaired and set his legs, I decided to go to the cafeteria. I was emotionally drained…I needed a break. But then I saw Detective Mendoza talking to one of the officers who'd come in with Colin Thomas."
"Detective Mendoza, who took Dr. Robbins's statement after her attack?" Kent jotted a note on his legal pad. "Did you speak with her?"
"Yes." Swallowing, Callie snuck a sidelong glance at Arizona's face. "She seemed a little nervous when she noticed me, so I decided to approach her. I asked her if she was there for the man with the broken legs-"
"Colin Thomas," Kent prompted.
Always be precise, he had coached Arizona during their first meeting. At the time, Callie hadn't thought she would need to testify. If she'd known, she would have paid better attention to all those rules. "Right, Colin Thomas. Mendoza said that she'd heard I did the surgery, and I updated her that his condition was good, he would recover."
"Then what?"
"Like I said, I'd sensed that something was off with her right away, so when she then informed me that someone else should handle Colin Thomas's care for the rest of his stay in the hospital, I suspected who he was." Callie watched Kent scribble another note. "When I asked her why, she said that although they couldn't know for sure until they ran his DNA sample, they had reason to think that he might be Arizona's attacker."
"Did she tell you why they thought that?" Kent didn't tear his eyes away from the notepad as he jotted down what looked like a list of questions. "We know the circumstances of those two rapes were completely different. What made her think, at that point, that this was the same man who attacked Dr. Robbins?"
"I can't say for certain." Callie strained to remember exactly what Mendoza had said. "She told me she couldn't reveal details at that point in the investigation, but that there were similarities between what he said to the girl that night and what Arizona reported being said to her. He also fit Arizona's general physical description of her attacker."
Pausing in his writing, Kent made eye contact with Arizona. "Just so you know, he told all three of you that he hoped he got you pregnant. Despite the different M.O.'s between rapes, that's the one common thread. I can only assume it's what Detective Mendoza put together that night."
"Possibly." Already on edge, Callie jolted when Arizona's hand landed on hers. Turbulent emotion raged across Arizona's face, but she said nothing. Callie turned her hand over to hold Arizona's, cursing her sweaty palms. She hadn't even gotten to the bad part yet. "At any rate, I had to excuse myself from the conversation after that. I…wasn't feeling well."
"Did Detective Mendoza say anything else?"
Trying not to dwell on the memory of her shock and horror at discovering that she'd unknowingly tended to Arizona's rapist, Callie murmured, "Just that I should keep my distance from him until we knew more."
"And did you?" Kent gave Callie a pointed look. "Keep your distance?"
Tightening her jaw, Callie squeezed Arizona's hand as a wave of shame rolled over her. "No."
"Go on."
"I waited for Arizona to get out of surgery so I could tell her what had happened. I didn't want to keep any secrets from her, and I didn't want her to find out from someone else."
"What was her reaction?"
"She was upset, of course." Callie glanced over at Arizona, not entirely comfortable talking about her as though she wasn't there. Arizona gave her a brief nod, encouraging her to keep talking. "I comforted her for a few minutes, then offered to take her home. She refused-she didn't want to leave her patients-and then she got paged to another emergency anyway, so we stayed at the hospital."
"You were pretty upset, too, at this point?"
"Of course I was." Callie's voice rose slightly at the perceived judgment in Kent's tone-rage had been a reasonable reaction, she'd thought at the time, though now she regretted that she'd allowed her emotions to dictate her actions that night. If she'd simply obeyed Mendoza's request to stay away from Colin Thomas, they wouldn't be here now, and she wouldn't be poised to destroy Arizona with the rest of this story. Pissed at herself, Callie snapped, "How could I not be upset? I spent two hours doing surgery on the man who raped the person I love most in the world. Then I had to tell her that the monster she still sees in the dark every night was right there in the building with us, and that he'd hurt another woman. I had to see her deal with yet another traumatic event, just as things were starting to get better. Yes, I was upset. I wanted to kill him."
"Calliope-" Arizona rasped, gripping her hand tightly. "Don't."
Kent raised his eyebrow. "She's right, Callie. You need to stay calm. You can't let the defense attorney rattle you."
Feeling very small, Callie bit her lip hard enough to both quell her rage and bring tears to her eyes. She wasn't exactly being strong for Arizona right now, which only sharpened her self-recrimination. "I'm sorry."
Arizona stroked her thumb over Callie's. "Do you need to take a break?" she asked under her breath, as though they were the only two people in the room.
Callie shook her head. She just wanted to get this over with.
"Okay." Kent cleared his throat. "So you didn't keep your distance from Mr. Thomas. Tell me about that."
Closing her eyes, Callie dug the nails of her free hand into her thigh. She knew that hearing the details of her encounter with Colin Thomas would hurt Arizona, and that made her crave a little pain of her own. It was the only thing that would get her through this next part. "I went to his room. I didn't know what I was going to do when I got there, but I was just…livid. There was an officer guarding the door, but I walked right past him."
"At this point you were still technically his physician?"
"Probably. I don't know if Detective Mendoza had spoken to Chief Shepherd yet. Nobody stopped me from entering his room, my name was still on his chart." Callie opened her eyes, studying the grain of the wooden conference table. "He immediately asked me for painkillers, which I denied."
The scratch of pen on paper stopped, and though she kept her eyes down, Callie sensed that Kent was staring her down. "Did anyone witness your interaction with the defendant?"
"Nobody heard our conversation. We were alone in the room with the door closed until Derek Shepherd and the officer outside came in to remove me just a couple of minutes later." She shot Arizona a sidelong glance, then reluctantly gave Kent her full attention. "Do we really have to go over what was said in that room? Nobody can corroborate my story, anyway. Both Chief Shepherd and the cop made sure to make it clear that they hadn't noticed things getting physical. Colin Thomas never pressed charges against me."
"Callie, I can't be surprised in the courtroom. We don't know what the defense is going to ask you or what evidence they might have. I need to know what happened, exactly as it happened. Would this be easier if Arizona left the room?"
Aware that she couldn't ask that of Arizona, Callie shook her head. "No."
"Okay." Kent waited a moment, then said, "Take your time."
Forcing numbness to the front, Callie surrendered to the inevitable. There was no avoiding this. Best she could do was to make it quick. "I denied him painkillers, so he called me a fucking bitch. I went off on him. I asked him if that's how he saw women-as fucking bitches-and if that made it easier for him to rape them. We exchanged some harsh words until he finally told me to give him drugs or leave the room. I was furious. I told him…that someone important to me had been raped at the hospital a couple months before. I asked him if he knew anything about it."
"What did he say?" Kent wasn't taking notes now. He simply watched Callie with sympathetic eyes.
"He implied that because the police had told me that he was accused of rape, I was ready to blame him for every woman in the city who had 'gotten a little rough loving'." The ugliest part of the story fast approaching, Callie checked Arizona's reaction. Her mouth was drawn in a tight line, forehead crinkled with what looked like disgust. She nodded at Callie to continue. "I told him that what had happened to my friend was more than a 'little rough loving', and that he knew it. Then he snapped. He was in pain, he was pissed off." Unable to look at Arizona, Callie studied how her fingernails bit angrily into the linen of her pants. She wished she could make it hurt even more. "Colin Thomas looked me in the eyes and said that if I was talking about 'that cunt surgeon with the tight pussy', to give him a break, that 'she was asking for it.'"
Arizona's hand tightened on hers almost imperceptibly, but other than that, there was no reaction. Not even the barest movement.
Kent coughed. "Is it safe to assume that this is when things turned physical?"
Callie winced as she finally loosened her grip on her thigh. "Yeah. I grabbed one of his legs and dug in until the Chief of Surgery and that police officer came into the room to pull me away. Thomas claimed that he'd told me he hadn't hurt 'my friend', but I'd attacked him anyway. He threatened to sue me, but Shepherd and the cop denied seeing any assault."
"Okay." Kent tapped his pen on the notepad. "So he admitted he raped Arizona, but unfortunately nobody else heard it. If the defense decides to raise the issue of the assault, during cross-examination I'll ask you what exactly he said to you. They'll almost certainly raise an objection, but it's worth a try."
"I don't know if it matters, but both Shepherd and the cop heard him tell me not to be jealous, that he liked big girls, too. But that's hardly a confession." Unable to resist, Callie stole another look at Arizona. Her eyes were shuttered, her expression closed off. There was no reading her mood. "I'm sorry," Callie said again, to both Arizona and Kent. "It was dumb of me to confront him. It didn't accomplish anything, and if there's any chance it'll screw up your case-"
Kent cut her off. "We have a strong case against Colin Thomas, so try not to this shake you. Let them call you as a witness. Your job is to tell the truth, keep your answers simple, and stay calm. I honestly don't anticipate this derailing our strategy in any way."
Callie's nostrils flared as she fought against a wave of anxiety and despair. She released Arizona's hand, unsure she deserved the comfort her presence provided. Her mistakes were bound to make an already stressful experience even worse. Though Arizona's composure still hadn't wavered, Callie held her breath as she waited for the inevitable fallout.
But Arizona didn't crumble. Instead, she wrapped an arm around Callie's shoulders and said, "Kent, can we have a few minutes?"
"Sure." Kent pushed back his chair. "Why don't we just call it a day? We can reconvene a week or so before you testify, Arizona, to wrap up any loose ends."
"Thank you," Arizona said. She stood with Kent, shaking his hand over the table. Callie remained seated-she didn't trust her legs to support her, nor her stomach to tolerate the movement. Reliving her encounter with that asshole had her not only furious, but also nauseous with regret. She watched Kent leave the room, then startled when Arizona put a hand on her shoulder. "Stand up, Calliope."
Callie dragged her gaze to Arizona's face, frightened by what she would see, unsurprised to find anger. She wondered how much of it, if any, was meant for her. "I don't think I can," Callie whispered.
Arizona's expression softened. "Then scoot back," she murmured, encouraging Callie to roll her chair away from the table. To Callie's surprise, Arizona crawled in her lap, wrapping both arms around her shoulders and holding on tight. "Why do you look like you're waiting for me to kick you?"
Callie surprised herself by relaxing into the embrace. She gathered Arizona closer, happy that this turn of events didn't seem to have driven a wedge between them. "I should never have gone in his room." Then, softer, "I never wanted you to know what he said to me."
"No, it's good." Arizona brushed her lips over Callie's cheek, eliciting a shiver that briefly distracted Callie from her self-blaming. "This was good."
"Good?" Callie drew away, skeptical that Arizona wasn't just putting on a brave face. "How can hearing that garbage be good in any way?"
"Because now I'm pissed off again." Eyes gleaming, Arizona ran her fingers through Callie's dark hair, scraping gentle nails against her scalp. "And being pissed off really, really helps."
Leaning into the caress, Callie said, "So…you're welcome? I guess?"
Arizona snorted. Then she said, fiercely, "He's an asshole."
"You have no idea." Callie had glossed over some of the less pertinent details, including his near-constant stream of verbal abuse and name-calling. Just remembering the way he'd spoken to her-and about Arizona-made Callie shudder.
"Actually, I do have a pretty good idea." Arizona's beautiful features momentarily clouded with pain, making Callie regret her careless words. "I did spend the longest five minutes of my life with him, after all."
"Of course." Cupping Arizona's face between her hands, Callie pulled her in for a gentle kiss. "I'm sorry. Again."
Arizona shook her head. After a moment of silence, she said, "You know, even if it doesn't count in court, it means something that he admitted what he did to me. So I'm glad you went to his room, for that reason alone."
"It was still a dumb move. I'm lucky I didn't seriously hurt him, after what he said about you." Allowing her arms to fall around Arizona's waist, Callie swallowed painfully. "He has a filthy mouth. I hope for your sake that he keeps it shut during the trial."
"Me too." Arizona eased out of Callie's lap, retaking her seat. Then she clasped Callie's hands between her own, giving them a gentle squeeze. "I'm serious, Callie. I'm angry right now, and it's a really good thing. Ever since he got arrested all I've really felt is frightened and anxious. Now I feel something else, and I'm grateful for that. Anger makes me stronger. It motivates me."
"I'm angry, too." Callie relaxed her shoulders, relieved to be admitting it out loud. Usually she tried to shield Arizona from her anger, determined to offer nothing but positivity. Yet Arizona's admission made her feel safe enough to speak the truth about her own emotions. "But I don't think my anger is helping anyone right now."
Arizona squeezed her hands again. "I know you're angry, Calliope, of course you are. You love me."
"Yes, I do."
"I love you, too." Not for the first time, Arizona gazed at her like nobody else ever had. "Neither of us is perfect, we've both made mistakes, but I'm not upset with you about what happened in Colin Thomas's room. Okay?"
Callie held back the sob that threatened to escape at Arizona's sincere words. "Okay."
"Hey, everything is going to be all right." Arizona tucked a lock of Callie's hair behind her ear, an affectionate gesture that drew an instinctive smile to Callie's face. "I'm so, so sorry that you got dragged into this, but I know you'll do great, and it'll all be fine."
Callie recognized that once again their roles had flipped, with Arizona as protector and she as the protected. Last time this had happened, Arizona blossomed when given the opportunity to be the strong one. Callie was more than happy to let her do so again. "I know. You're right."
Arizona hit her with a sunny grin that made Callie's chest tighten with pleasure. "I love it when you say that."
Callie laughed. "I know you do."
"Tell you what, why don't you tell me more about how right I am during the drive home?"
"Nah." Taking the hint, Callie took a deep breath and stood. Her legs were steady now-her stomach, too. "Don't want you to get a big head. Any bigger than it already is, I mean."
"Nice." Arizona got to her feet as well, delivering a light swat to Callie's bottom. "Then how about we just go home, lock the doors behind us, and spend the evening curled up on the couch?"
"If anything will make today better, that's it." Callie reached for Arizona's hand, but Arizona surprised her by pulling her into a fierce hug.
"No matter what happens with this trial, I've got you. That's the important part. And you and me, we're going to be okay." Arizona buried her face in Callie's neck, breathing hard. "That's one thing I know for sure."
Painful pleasure swelled in Callie's chest, a wave of intense emotion that nearly brought her to tears again. Loving Arizona was her one bright, shining certainty even in times like these, when everything else felt screwed up and wrong. She tugged Arizona closer, refocusing on the only thing that really mattered.
Everything would be fine. She had Arizona.
Callie kissed the silky blonde hair that tickled her face, inhaling deeply. And her world righted itself again. "Me, too."
To be continued…