Little Earthquakes (Chapter 19 - Part 2/2)
Title: Little Earthquakes (19/?) - Part 2/2
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: NC-17
Summary: When Arizona is attacked in the parking lot of Seattle Grace, everything changes...and her relationship with Callie is put to the test.
Content Warning
This story deals with the topic of rape and recovery. I am rating it a hard M for graphic depictions of rape, violence, and, eventually, consensual sex.
I would never write about rape frivolously, nor to titillate. There's a lot of fan fiction out there that deals with sexual assault in all manner of ways, many of them distasteful. The last thing I want to do is add to the litany of "rapefic" that traumatizes beloved characters for the sake of creating a juicy story.
At the same time, rape and sexual assault is a reality. As such, I believe it is a legitimate subject for fiction, especially when the focus is not so much on the physical act but on the psychological repercussions, the aftershocks such an event can unleash in a survivor's life.
If the frank depiction of rape and the pain of recovery (physical, emotional, and sexual) is likely to trigger or otherwise upset you, I would honestly give this story a pass. I don't plan on pulling any punches. I do plan on handling this the most respectful way I know how.
Introducing…the MEGA-CHAPTER. Seriously, people. This is ridiculous. 11,346 words. Technically, that's considered a novelette. In a single chapter. My editor would kill me! But I didn't realize how long it would end up being when I originally conceived the structure, and couldn't bear to deviate from my plan. So here we are. It took a while, but at least there's plenty to read in this update.
ETA: Holy cow! LJ made me split this into two posts.
CHAPTER 19 (cont.)
After twenty minutes of watching Dan surreptitiously glance down the hallway toward Sofia's bedroom, Callie decided to stop pretending she didn't notice. Making sure her voice was gentle, she said, "I'm sure they're fine."
Startling, Dan returned his attention to the television for a moment, then looked over at Callie with a sheepish grimace. "Yeah, I'm sure you're right."
"Arizona is very easy to talk to. She's a pediatric surgeon, so she spends her days dealing with sick kids and their parents. That includes talking about incredibly difficult life-and-death stuff. She's the kind of person who can draw out even the shyest, most frightened child, and she inspires confidence like nobody I've ever known. Her patients adore her." Callie smiled at the handful of memories that flitted through her mind, times she had witnessed Arizona working her special brand of magic. "Sofia's in good hands, trust me."
Dan tightened his jaw slightly. "She fixes kids?"
"Yes. She's one of the best."
"Damn, she sounds like a pretty incredible person." Eyes shining, Dan radiated both anger and sadness. "How do you deal with knowing what that bastard did to her?"
The question elicited another memory-Arizona describing her attack in excruciating detail as Callie listened in horror. Callie shivered, pushing away the barrage of images her mind had conjured up over the past few months, but especially since that night. She couldn't bear to dwell on what exactly Colin Thomas had put Arizona through.
Callie gave Dan a pained smile. "The short answer is that I try not to think about it."
Dan shook his head, tears welling. "And the long answer?"
"I focus on being strong for Arizona. I listen when she wants to talk, and I'm there when she needs me. When I feel like unloading about how much I want that asshole dead, I talk to a friend. I try not to burden Arizona with my anger." Callie turned toward Dan, abandoning any notion of paying attention to the television. She and Dan were no doubt struggling with a lot of the same feelings, so if he wanted to talk, she was more than willing to share the benefit of her experience. Whatever that was worth. "Sometimes I let myself indulge in a revenge fantasy, but I also remind myself that the justice system will deal with him."
"One of my biggest regrets about that night is that he jumped out the window before I could fuck him up." Tightening his fists in his lap, Dan exuded barely suppressed rage. "I heard something strange so I went into Sofia's room, and he's got her face down on the bed, and she's crying, and what he was doing to her was so incredibly brutal. I hit him as he got off her, but everything happened so fast…" He gritted his teeth. "I probably would have thrown him out that window if he hadn't jumped. I wish I had. I wish I'd killed him."
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, he shattered his legs when he hit the ground. If he were dead, he wouldn't have gotten to feel that pain. And it's very painful, trust me."
Dan's mouth quirked. "Yeah?"
"Definitely. He has a long and uncomfortable recovery ahead of him." Callie considered glossing over how she knew so much about his condition, but decided against it. Her strange relationship with Colin Thomas had fed a lot of her own anger, so it seemed relevant to share the truth with Dan. "They brought him to our hospital that night. I performed surgery on his legs before I found out who he was."
Paling visibly, Dan said, "You're kidding me."
"Unfortunately, no. So I completely understand wanting to kill him." Callie paused, reining in her rising emotion. This was something else she tried not to think about. "It took everything I had not to."
"When did you find out he was the one?"
"I knew the guy had been arrested for rape while I was performing the surgery, which made being his doctor incredibly difficult. Afterwards, I ran into Detective Mendoza and she told me someone else would need to take over his care because she thought he might be the man who hurt Arizona. So then I had to go tell Arizona that her own personal boogeyman was in the hospital, that I'd just fixed his legs…" Thinking about it now made Callie's stomach ache. "Seeing how upset Arizona was, knowing that I'd just helped the man who raped her...honestly, I lost my temper that night. I confronted him when he woke up from surgery. He was in a lot of pain. Even more after I left his room."
Dan grinned just a little. "No way."
"I promise. It wasn't my most professional moment, but luckily my boss was supportive after he pulled us apart."
"Wow," Dan breathed. "Did you say anything to him? Did that bastard say anything to you?"
"I told him that someone I care about had been raped at the hospital and asked if he knew anything about it. At first he denied it." Heat flooded Callie's face when she remembered their conversation, his ugly words. "Then he basically admitted that he raped Arizona, in the crudest way possible. So I gave one of his legs a good squeeze, and the conversation was over."
Dan seemed pleased by the thought. "Good for you."
Callie shrugged. "It made me feel better for a minute, at least."
"Arizona is lucky to have someone who loves her so much."
"We're both lucky." Callie glanced toward Sofia's bedroom, wondering how Arizona was doing. She'd been so nervous earlier, and Callie wanted nothing more than to see her and make sure she was all right.
Dan followed her gaze. "I think Sofia broke up with her boyfriend. He keeps calling me to check up on her because she won't talk to him. He's actually a really good guy, and he's worried sick."
"Have they been together a while?"
"A couple of years. They love each other." Dan's face softened as he looked back at her. "I wish Sofia could lean on Ben right now, but I'm sure it can't be easy for her, being close to a guy."
"It wasn't easy for Arizona, either. Even being with a woman. It took time, and therapy."
Dan gave her a feeble shrug. "Sofia doesn't want to go to therapy."
"I'm crossing my fingers that Arizona convinces her to give it a try."
"That would be nice." Dan hesitated a moment, then said, "Do you think she'll talk to Sofia about testifying at the trial?"
"I really don't know." With as anxious as Arizona felt about testifying, Callie couldn't imagine her trying to sell the idea to Sofia. "Honestly, Arizona is scared to death of this trial. I'm pretty sure she spent today avoiding returning a call from the prosecutor's office-they want to start preparing her testimony and she's really nervous about it."
Dan sat up a little straighter, clearly alarmed. "Do you think she may not testify?"
"No, she will. I'm just not sure she's going to try and convince Sofia to do the same, knowing how terrifying it is think about doing it herself, months later and with all the healing she's already done."
Looking relieved, Dan said, "I get it. It'll be a much different experience for me, than it would for them. But I can't wait. Even if I can't speak for Sofia, I can tell the judge and jury what I saw. Jumping out a fourth story window isn't the action of an innocent man. He left my sister naked and sobbing, too terrified to go back into her own bedroom." He paused, a nauseated expression flitting across his face. "With the DNA evidence on top of all our testimony, I just can't see how they won't convict him."
"I agree. He's going to pay for what he's done," Callie said, sensing that Dan needed the reassurance. Hell, so did she. "No doubt."
"I sure as hell hope so."
Callie's phone emitted a noise that Arizona had once tipsily described as 'the whoosh of a galloping unicorn', which was hilarious, and exactly the reason why Callie had set it as her notification sound to signal an incoming text from Arizona. Confused why Arizona would be texting her when she was just down the hallway, Callie dug in her pocket and withdrew her phone with a murmur of apology. She opened up her new message from Arizona, read it, and melted a little inside.
"Text from Arizona." Callie met Dan's curious gaze. "Sofia fell asleep in her lap. But she'd like to stay in there for a bit, because she says Sofia needs the rest."
Dan coughed, caught somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "Yeah, she does. Tell Arizona that's great…and thank you." As Callie began to type, he snorted softly. "I guess you were right. Sofia must have felt like she was in very good hands, to let down her guard like that."
"I'm telling you, Arizona is made of magic."
"Obviously." Dan chuckled, relaxing against the couch. "God, that's a relief. Knowing Sofia is actually getting some sleep."
Callie sent a reply to Arizona and put her phone away. "Then I'd say this visit was a success."
"For sure." Scrubbing his hand over his head, Dan exhaled. Then he picked up his empty bottle of beer and gestured at her glass. "You want a refill? Sounds like we've got some time to kill."
"That'd be perfect."
"Great." Dan picked up the remote and handed it to her, then stood. "Go ahead and pick out a movie. Something light. I'll be back."
"Absolutely," Callie said, and settled in for the duration.
#
Sofia slept for over two hours before she stirred and blinked dazedly at Arizona, who stopped her absent stroking of the dark hair beneath her fingers and smiled. "Hey," Arizona murmured. "You fell asleep."
Face reddening, Sofia quickly sat up. "I am so sorry."
"Don't be. Did you have a good nap?"
"Yes." Sofia craned her neck to look at the clock. "How long was I out?"
"A couple of hours." When Sofia went wide-eyed with panic, Arizona patted her hand. "No big deal. I was happy to be your pillow."
"I'm so embarrassed." Sofia fidgeted and seemed to have trouble making eye contact, but she didn't leave Arizona's space. There was a new comfort between them now that hadn't been there before. "Isn't your girlfriend out there waiting for you?"
"I texted her to let them know that you were resting. They totally understood." Arizona stood, grateful for the chance to stretch her legs. As glad as she was that Sofia had gotten some much-needed sleep, Arizona was more than ready to go. The quiet time alone had given her too much time to think. About what Sofia had survived, what she herself had overcome, and everything that still lie ahead for her with the trial. Her frightening, chaotic thoughts made her claustrophobic and left her yearning for fresh air.
Sofia also got to her feet, running a hand through her hair. She gazed around the room as though she barely recognized her surroundings. "I do feel better." She turned to Arizona and managed a small but genuine smile. "And I didn't dream."
"Good. Try to do that again after I leave, okay?"
Smile fading, Sofia said, "I'll try."
Arizona stepped closer and carefully placed her hands on Sofia's shoulders, staring into her eyes. She knew she would have trouble keeping her own nightmares at bay tonight, but that didn't mean she couldn't encourage Sofia. "You're going to get through this. You hear me?"
Sofia nodded.
"He put you through hell, Sofia. I can't even imagine enduring what you did." When Sofia shook her head and opened her mouth to speak, Arizona quieted her. "But he doesn't get to win. That's how you start to heal-you decide that he doesn't get to win. You can and you will heal. It won't be easy, and it won't happen all at once, but it does get better. I promise."
Sofia fell into Arizona's embrace, hugging her hard. "I'll try," she said again, voice quavering. "Thank you."
Arizona rubbed her back lightly. "Call Dr. Watson?"
"Maybe."
Arizona's heart constricted at the doubt in Sofia's voice. Though she sensed that Sofia wanted to make her proud, she worried that Sofia had already made a decision about taking the next step in her recovery-or rather, not. "It will help. It really will."
Sofia stepped back, wiping away her tears. "I'll think about it."
That was as good as Sofia could give her tonight. Arizona knew that. Still, she couldn't resist making one more suggestion. "And also think about calling Ben, okay? It sounds like he really cares about you-try to let him support you." Sofia looked away but Arizona moved with her, maintaining eye contact. "I know it's not easy, and sometimes when people love you, they want you to talk even when you don't think you can. But I'm telling you right now, Callie's love has done more to heal me than anything else. Maybe Ben's love can do the same for you."
Nodding rapidly, Sofia said, "Speaking of Callie, I should let you get back to her."
Arizona smiled, understanding that Sofia was done for the night. Which was good, because so was she. "I'll go. Let you get some rest."
"Thanks." Sofia opened the bedroom door and turned to face Arizona with a shy shrug. "Will you tell Callie I'm sorry I couldn't say hello this time? I just don't feel…social."
"She gets it."
"Cool." Sofia pulled her in for another quick hug, then moved aside so Arizona could walk into the hallway. "Maybe I'll talk to you again?"
"Count on it. I'll call and check up on you soon."
Sofia smiled, then shut the door with a soft click. Relief flooded through Arizona as she considered that all that stood between her and a hot bath was the car ride home. She turned and strode toward the living room, prepared to bid Dan a quick goodbye.
Callie's attention shifted to Arizona the instant she entered the room. Her easy smile faded when their eyes met, confirming for Arizona that she was doing a lousy job of hiding her tumultuous emotional state. With a look of deep concern, Callie stood and walked around the couch to greet her.
"You okay?" Callie murmured.
Arizona gave her the bravest nod she could muster, then smiled at Dan. Eyes full of fear, he looked at her as though afraid of what she might say.
"Sofia and I had a really good talk. She even managed to get a couple hours of sleep."
"Is she going to be okay?" Dan asked.
"As long as she works at it, yeah. I gave her my therapist's number. Please encourage her to use it." Feeling Callie's warmth at her back, Arizona relaxed against her, needing the support. Callie wrapped her arm loosely around Arizona's waist, close but not overbearing. "I also suggested she give her boyfriend a chance to help her through this. I'm not sure she'll take any of my advice, but-"
"No, that's great." Dan exhaled, looking happy. "I wasn't expecting you to perform any miracles tonight. But you helped her get a little sleep, and it sounds like she actually opened up a little, so…" After a brief hesitation, Dan tentatively opened his arms. "Thank you, Arizona. Really."
Not wanting to refuse the friendly gesture, Arizona left the safety of Callie's embrace and allowed Dan to give her a quick hug. His body was lean and hard and he smelled unmistakably male, so even though he did nothing overtly threatening, Arizona held her breath, heart pounding, until he released her.
"Maybe I'll talk to you again?" Dan said, seemingly oblivious to her discomfort.
Arizona nodded quickly, not trusting herself to speak until she could regroup. As soon as she could force out the words, she said, "I told Sofia I'd call later this week to check up on her."
"Perfect." Dan nodded eagerly.
"On that note," Callie said, pressing her hand against the small of Arizona's back, "I've got an early surgery tomorrow and need to get home. Are you ready, babe?"
Aware that Callie's surgery wasn't that early, Arizona plastered on a fake smile, powered by her very real gratitude to Callie for recognizing her need to make a quick exit. "Yes, of course."
"Of course." Dan jogged over to the door and opened it for them. "Thank you again for coming, both of you. I think it really helped. For her to feel comfortable enough to sleep with you…" Blushing, he darted his gaze to Callie, then back at Arizona. "You know what I mean."
"I do." Arizona walked into the hallway. "Have a good night, Dan."
"You too." Dan opened his arms to Callie as she passed, and she obliged him with a casual hug. "Thanks for letting me vent, Callie. It was nice."
"Not a problem." Callie walked to Arizona's side, sliding an arm around her waist. "See you later."
"Bye."
Dan shut the door and they walked toward the stairwell in silence. When they reached the top of the stairs, finally out of earshot of Dan and Sofia's apartment, Callie murmured, "Seriously, are you okay?"
Aware that she was teetering on the edge of a legitimate breakdown, even if she didn't entirely understand its origin, Arizona managed a furious shake of her head. "Let's just get to the car."
"All right," Callie said, and pulled her closer.
Arizona managed to get in the passenger seat of Callie's car and fasten her safety belt without losing her composure. She knew the meltdown was coming, that it was inevitable, but she desperately didn't want to succumb to the maelstrom of her emotions. She was too tired. The evening had already exhausted her, and while releasing all her negative energy would no doubt provide catharsis, it would also leave her numb and hollowed out.
She just didn't have the strength for it tonight.
But when Callie got in the car and, rather than fit the keys in the ignition, stroked the backs of her fingers over Arizona's cheek and said, "Tell me what I can do", Arizona's resolve began to crumble.
Hands trembling, Arizona pulled her purse into her lap and began to fumble around inside. At first she didn't know what she was searching for, but as her irritation mounted, it hit her. Acting purely on instinct, her body was seeking out the familiar stimulation of nicotine. At the realization that she didn't have any, Arizona threw her purse on the floor with a growl of frustration. "I wish I had a goddamn cigarette."
Callie stayed quiet for a few beats, then said, "Do you want me to take you to buy some?"
The softly spoken question instantly snapped Arizona's thin hold on her control. Not because Callie hated that she smoked yet still offered to indulge her habit on the off chance it would make her feel better, nor because Arizona suddenly remembered that smoking was no longer an option, now that the stink of cigarettes could trigger her into a flashback. Instead, it was because Callie's sincere words-and her solid presence by Arizona's side-brought home a horrifying, humbling truth that Arizona had been struggling with all night.
She was the lucky one.
As horrible as the rape was, it could have been so much worse. It could've lasted for hours. It could've happened to her at a time in her life when she had no support system, nobody to guide and protect her as she navigated her recovery. The police could have treated her with disrespect, not believed her, or insinuated it was somehow her fault. But none of that had happened. It had been terrible, yes, but it could have been worse. She was lucky.
Arizona burst into tears. Immediately Callie reached across the center console and pulled her into a warm hug. Arizona went willingly, too drained not to accept Callie's unthinking support. Now that the torrent had started, Arizona couldn't hold back. All too quickly, her sobs intensified to the point where it became hard to breath. Seeming to sense her rising panic, Callie rubbed a hand briskly over Arizona's back and shushed her.
"Breathe, querida. Just breathe."
Shaking her head, Arizona tried to gather the strength to tell Callie that she couldn't breathe, that she was afraid she might pass out, but she couldn't form the words. Instead she clung to Callie in desperation, terrified to let go.
"I've got you," Callie said, slowing down the motion of her hand against Arizona's back. She gathered Arizona as closely as she could, until their chests pressed together and Arizona could feel Callie's heartbeat, nearly as thunderous as her own. "Arizona, stay right here with me. You're okay. You're safe."
Arizona closed her eyes and channeled every bit of her energy into pulling herself out of her downward spiral. Callie was right-she was safe. Within the circle of Callie's arms, nothing would hurt her. Gradually, Arizona's breathing evened out and her tears slowed to a trickle. Her chest continued to ache, but she was through the worst of it.
"What happened in there?" Callie didn't move a muscle, and Arizona sensed that was because Callie thought she might frighten her away if she did.
Arizona opened her eyes, but didn't take her head off Callie's shoulder. "He raped her for three hours. She said he made her do everything."
"I'm so sorry." Callie tightened her embrace. "I can't even imagine what she's going through."
"Honestly, I can't either." Not allowing her thoughts to stray too far down that road, Arizona shivered. "Three hours, Calliope. He hurt me for ten minutes, but she had to suffer through three hours with that guy. Three hours of forced sex, of torture, of humiliation. He even made sure to reciprocate, so he could shame her when her body reacted to him."
"No wonder she's having such a hard time." Anger crept into Callie's voice, even as Arizona could hear her trying to suppress it. "That poor girl."
"She's so broken, Callie. She's in so much pain. I told her it gets better, because it did for me, but the truth is, I have no idea how she's feeling right now. It's taken me months to recover from ten minutes of hell, and I still can't sleep through the night. Three hours, Cal." Arizona's chest heaved as a wave of helpless anger crashed over her. "She went through so much more than I did, and even I can't get rid of the fucking nightmares. Who am I to tell her it'll get better?"
"It will get better." Callie's voice was gentle, but full of authority. "For both of you."
Shaking her head, Arizona fought a sharp pang of guilt that bloomed deep in her belly. "I didn't call the prosecutor's office today."
"I know." Callie drew back and gazed at Arizona with a kind sympathy that threatened to undo her once again. "But you'll call tomorrow, right?"
"I have to." Holding Sofia Romero tonight reminded her exactly why it was so important. She had the strength, the resolve, and the support to do what needed to be done, and being scared didn't change that. Testifying was her responsibility. "If not for me, then for Sofia." Arizona's chin trembled. "She's just a kid. She shouldn't have to deal with this, and she definitely shouldn't feel like she has no more future. He needs to be punished for all of us, but especially her."
Callie cupped Arizona's face in her hands as her own eyes brimmed with tears. "I love you, Arizona, and I've never been prouder of you. I know how difficult tonight has been. I know how much of yourself you gave to Sofia in there. And I just think…I think you're awesome. And so, so beautiful. And if there's anything I can do to make you smile right now, anything, I want to do it. Because you shouldn't have to feel like this, either."
Swept away by the pure, powerful emotion that poured from Callie, Arizona leaned in to brush their mouths together. Callie held very still and made no effort to deepen the kiss, but rubbed her thumbs over Arizona's cheeks with excruciating tenderness. Closing her eyes tightly, Arizona whispered, "Just please don't ever let me go."
Callie shook her head, tightening her hands on Arizona's face, keeping her close. "I couldn't. I won't."
Arizona smiled.
To be continued…