Little Earthquakes (Chapter 17)
Title: Little Earthquakes (17/?)
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: NC-17
Summary: When Arizona is attacked in the parking lot of Seattle Grace, everything changes...and her relationship with Callie is put to the test.
Content Warning
This story deals with the topic of rape and recovery. I am rating it a hard M for graphic depictions of rape, violence, and, eventually, consensual sex.
I would never write about rape frivolously, nor to titillate. There's a lot of fan fiction out there that deals with sexual assault in all manner of ways, many of them distasteful. The last thing I want to do is add to the litany of "rapefic" that traumatizes beloved characters for the sake of creating a juicy story.
At the same time, rape and sexual assault is a reality. As such, I believe it is a legitimate subject for fiction, especially when the focus is not so much on the physical act but on the psychological repercussions, the aftershocks such an event can unleash in a survivor's life.
If the frank depiction of rape and the pain of recovery (physical, emotional, and sexual) is likely to trigger or otherwise upset you, I would honestly give this story a pass. I don't plan on pulling any punches. I do plan on handling this the most respectful way I know how.
This is an extra-long one. Enjoy.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Arizona sat at a corner table in a coffee shop she had never visited before, bobbling her leg anxiously as she eyed the entrance. She was waiting for a brunette named Lauren Chase, but that was all she knew about the woman who had called her cell phone that morning. Her name, and that she was Colin Thomas's first victim.
After a brief, awkward introduction over the phone, they had agreed to meet in person so they could talk. The idea of sitting down with a stranger to chat about something as personal as being raped made Arizona's stomach churn, but at the same time, she looked forward to meeting Lauren. As much as she hated that they had Colin Thomas in common, it was reassuring to know that someone else understood exactly what she was going through with his arrest and the upcoming trial.
When an attractive woman with chestnut hair pulled into a loose ponytail entered the coffee shop and glanced around nervously, Arizona knew immediately that she was the one. Standing, Arizona caught the woman's gaze, and recognition seemed to flare in Lauren's eyes as well. She walked to Arizona's table, giving her an apologetic smile. "Arizona?"
Despite her lingering butterflies, Arizona had no trouble returning her smile. Though she looked tired, and older than her years, Lauren Chase's engaging nature instantly put Arizona at ease. "Yes. Hello, Lauren."
"Hi. Sorry, the bus was running a few minutes late." Lauren gestured at the counter with her thumb. "I'll grab a latte and then join you?"
"Sounds good." Arizona sat down and wrapped her hands around her coffee cup, grateful for the warmth. She watched Lauren walk to the counter and order, once again rehearsing what she might say. How does one start a conversation about being raped? About having to testify at your rapist's trial?
Lauren came back with her coffee a couple of minutes later. "So this is a weird way to meet someone new, right? No offense."
Arizona chuckled. "Yeah, I wish it were under different circumstances."
"Me too." Settling into the chair across from Arizona's, Lauren took a tentative sip of her coffee and winced. "Okay, that's lava-hot." She pushed the cup away and met Arizona's gaze. "So…how are you doing?"
Arizona's eyes welled with tears before she could stop herself. Horrified by her sudden and swift show of emotion, she stared down at the lid of her coffee cup, willing her voice to come out steady. "I'm…okay."
"I'm sorry." Lauren reached under the table and found Arizona's hand, holding it tight. "I know that's a silly question."
Shaking her head, Arizona pushed back the tears. Lauren appeared to be struggling to control her own emotions as well, and the last thing Arizona wanted was for this to turn into a public sob-fest. "No," Arizona said quietly. "I'm doing a lot better, actually. The whole trial thing is throwing me, but until the arrest, I'd come a long way in just a few months."
"Good." Lauren squeezed Arizona's hand then released it. "It takes a while to start feeling even close to normal again, doesn't it? I'm not sure I'll ever get all the way there."
"Me either." Arizona ran the tip of her finger around the rim of her cup. "At this point I'm just hoping for a new normal that's as close to the old one as possible. But really I'd settle for being able to go even one day without thinking about it."
Lauren nodded and tested her drink again. "Well, I'm not there yet. But I do go hours without thinking about it now."
"Me too." The best times for Arizona were during difficult, emergency surgeries, when she focused on nothing beyond the care of her patient. "Work helps. So does running."
"Detective Mendoza said you work at the hospital. Are you a doctor?"
"Yes. A pediatric surgeon."
Lauren straightened, looking simultaneously impressed and intimidated. "Oh. Wow."
Usually Arizona felt a sense of pride when she told people what she did, but Lauren's obvious unease sent a wave of sympathy through her. Detective Mendoza had said that Arizona would make a "better" witness for the jury, and Arizona sensed that Lauren might be comparing their credentials at that very moment. She hated for Lauren to feel lesser in any way. It didn't matter who either of them were, or what they did-Colin Thomas had hurt them both equally, and they each deserved justice.
"He attacked me in the parking lot outside the hospital. I was walking to my car after work." Embarrassed, Arizona stared down at the table. "There was a broken light near my car, so it was dark, and I called security to report it but went to my car alone anyway. When it happened, I very much felt like it was my fault."
Shaking her head vehemently, Lauren said, "No. He got me after work, too. I was walking to the bus stop, alone, at almost two in the morning. In a short skirt, low-cut top. Drunk." Her expression hardened. "No matter what the cops implied after it happened, no matter what that man said to me while he raped me, it was not my fault. I didn't ask for it."
"No, it wasn't." Arizona fought the urge to take Lauren's hand again. Though she obviously believed what she said, her eyes swam with pain. "You're absolutely right." Arizona hesitated then said, "Where do you work?"
"At the time I was working at a club downtown, as an exotic dancer. I'm not doing that anymore, though."
Detective Mendoza's assessment of Lauren's suitability as a witness began to make more sense, unfair as it was. The idea that a defense attorney might try to present Lauren as a less than credible accuser sickened Arizona, but she had no doubt that sort of thing happened all the time.
What bullshit.
Careful to keep her voice neutral, Arizona asked, "Did you quit because of what happened?"
"Yes. But it was a long time coming. The fact that I couldn't imagine letting crowds of men see and grope my naked body after what I'd gone through-once I'd healed enough for that to even be possible, that is-just forced me to make a decision I'd been putting off way too long." Lauren sipped her coffee, shaking her head. "I was getting too old for dancing, anyway. And the free drinks men bought me every night-it was sucking the life out of me. All of it. So after it happened, I quit my job and joined AA. Haven't looked back since."
"Good for you," Arizona said. "Joining AA."
"Thanks." Lauren gave her a pleased shrug. "It's helped. And it was something I needed to do. Right after the attack, all I wanted to do was drink. It numbed the pain. But I remembered the way the police looked at me that night, what they thought of me-just some drunk whore, raped in an alley-and that motivated me to quit. I know the rape didn't happen because I was drinking, but I also know that drinking had become a problem for me. I've got enough problems without that one. Especially now."
Arizona nodded. "I've been going to therapy. It took me a while to work up the courage to make an appointment, but finally I realized that if I wanted to get better, I needed to do whatever it took. Even if I didn't want to."
"Detective Mendoza gave me the number of a counselor. I couldn't bring myself to call. I have talked to my sponsor about it a little, though. Which has been nice."
"Therapy hasn't been bad. Better than I thought." Arizona twirled her cup in her hands. "It does help to talk."
Lauren met her gaze curiously. "Do you have a boyfriend?"
"I have a partner." Arizona raised an eyebrow. "A woman."
"Oh." Surprise flashed across Lauren's face, then dissolved into casual acceptance. "Cool."
"I think so." Arizona smiled. "You?"
"No. I was seeing a guy when it happened, but nothing serious. I don't think either of us felt like it was worth keeping it going." Sadness shone in Lauren's eyes. "Honestly, I can't even imagine being with a man right now. Sexually, I mean. Which is good, because I really shouldn't start a relationship at this stage in my recovery anyway, according to the program. So…yeah. It's better this way."
"If I didn't already have Calliope, I wouldn't be dating right now, either. No way." Arizona couldn't fathom being romantic with someone she barely knew while dealing with the immediate aftermath of the violence Colin Thomas had inflicted in her life. Working through her ability to trust and take pleasure in loving contact had been difficult enough with the women with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life, let alone a near-stranger. Yet having Callie by her side had been the single most healing thing in the weeks following the attack. "She's been so great. Incredible, actually. But it hasn't been easy. Trying to get back to where we were before. Being intimate again."
"Do you think it's easier, being with a woman?" Looking slightly embarrassed, Lauren said, "I mean, she can't remind you of him too much, right?"
Blushing, Arizona said, "I can't say if it's easier than being with a man, but even with a woman, it's been challenging. We're getting there, though. And beyond the sex stuff, our relationship is stronger than ever. This has really brought us closer, in some crazy way."
"Well, that's something, at least. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just a little jealous."
Lauren hesitated, searching her face. She clearly wanted to ask something, but Arizona could see her mentally weighing whether she should. "If this is too personal, please tell me. Honestly. You won't hurt my feelings."
Arizona braced herself. "Okay."
"Had you been with a man before?"
As though Lauren had flipped a switch, Arizona's eyes stung with painful emotion. Though she couldn't explain why, this was one of the hardest things to accept about what Colin Thomas had done. Arizona had taken a sort of ridiculous pride in her gold-star status, silly as that was, and though she doubted anyone would strip her of that title now, she felt sullied. Damaged. Debased.
It was stupid. But it still hurt.
"No," Arizona whispered. "No, I hadn't."
Lauren reached across the table and took her hand again. Grateful for the contact, Arizona held on tight. "I'm sorry he took that from you," Lauren said. "That must have been difficult."
"Yes," Arizona said simply. Wanting to change the subject, she said, "Detective Mendoza said you're going to testify?"
"Damn straight." Lauren's jaw tightened. "I want that bastard to rot in prison. I'll do everything I can to put him there."
"Me too." Squeezing Lauren's hand, she said, "I'm relieved I won't be the only one. Detective Mendoza told me the last girl he attacked doesn't want to get on the stand."
"Hopefully she'll come around. But even if she doesn't, at least there's the two of us."
The camaraderie Arizona felt with a woman she'd only just met shocked her. Knowing that Lauren was committed to facing the same traumatic experience she'd signed up for made Arizona feel less alone. If Lauren could face Colin Thomas in front of a judge and jury, so could she. Especially when Lauren would almost certainly have her testimony challenged for the most trivial and degrading reasons. "Yes," Arizona murmured. "At least there's us."
Lauren bit her lip, looking almost guilty.
"What?" Arizona asked gently.
"Well, this sounds terrible, I know that, but I guess I just wanted to say…" Lauren exhaled in a rush. "If he had to have another victim, I'm kind of…glad…it's someone like you. Someone respectable, I mean. Someone they'll believe."
Arizona wasn't sure what to say to that. Except, "I understand what you're saying. But I think it's bullshit that it even matters."
"Me too."
"Did he hurt you badly?" Arizona lowered her voice. "Other than the obvious, I mean."
"He broke my nose," Lauren said. "And one of my fingers."
Wincing, Arizona realized that as bad as her own injuries had been, it could have been worse. "Well, that goes beyond a little rough sex, so I can't imagine his attorney will try to claim it was consensual."
"I guess we'll find out." Lauren tried to put on a brave smile. "It doesn't matter what they ask me, or what they say about what I was wearing that night, or how much I'd had to drink. I'm going to go in there and tell my story, and trust that with all the other evidence and testimony, it'll help."
"I'm sure it will." Arizona caught Lauren's gaze. "You have no idea how much I appreciate the fact that you're going to testify. Thank you."
Lauren waved her off. "How could I not?"
"Are you as scared about it as I am?"
"I'm nervous about seeing him in court." Lauren glanced away, obviously embarrassed by the admission. "Not that he'll be able to hurt me again. I'm just scared of how I'll react to the sight of his face. I don't know what would be worse-tears or screaming rage."
"I'm afraid of that part, too." Arizona paused. "My partner Calliope saw him already. I don't know how much Detective Mendoza told you about when they arrested him, but apparently he jumped out of this last girl's fourth-story window and broke his legs. They brought him to our hospital-Callie's an orthopedic surgeon."
Lauren gave her a blank look. "I don't know what that means, but it sounds impressive."
Chuckling, Arizona said, "Bones. She deals with bones."
"Shit," Lauren said, understanding dawning on her face. "Was she the one who had to fix his legs?"
"Unfortunately, yeah."
Lauren grimaced. "I bet she was pissed off, huh?"
"She may have hurt him a little when she found out who he was." Despite her warning to Callie not to be overprotective, Arizona couldn't deny that her temporary lapse in Colin Thomas's recovery room brought her a certain amount of satisfaction. From the grin that tugged at Lauren's mouth, Arizona could see she felt the same. "Just a little. Not enough to get into any trouble."
"Good," Lauren said. "I like Calliope. She sounds like a bad-ass."
"She is. In the sexiest way possible." Arizona joined Lauren in quiet laughter, then sobered. "I honestly don't know what I'd do without her."
"I'm glad you have her." Lauren's good humor faded. "Arizona?"
"Yeah?"
Lauren blinked rapidly, wiping her eyes with the back of her free hand. "I, uh…I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I know it's probably stupid, but…when I reported the rape to the police, I wasn't able to give them a very good description of the man. Of Colin Thomas." She said his name with a sneer, as though it tasted bad on her tongue. "Partly because I was drunk, partly because it was dark, but also because I was so scared. They didn't have much to go on, and really, they probably assumed he was some equally drunk customer of mine or something, I don't know. But anyway…" Lauren cleared her throat. "I can't help thinking that if I'd remembered more, if I could have given them something to work with, then maybe…maybe this wouldn't have happened to you."
Arizona's heart constricted. She'd felt the same guilt, especially after learning about Thomas's third victim. Still, it had never occurred to her that Lauren might blame herself for Arizona's rape. "It isn't your fault."
"That's nice of you to say, but-"
"No. I didn't get a good look at him either. I told the police he was an unshaven white guy with a full head of hair, who smelled like cigarettes." Arizona watched Lauren shiver at her words, probably remembering the scratch of facial hair on her face, or the stink of nicotine on his skin. "I've blamed myself for not doing better than that, especially when he raped another girl after me, but the truth is, yes, it was dark and I was scared to death and he had me on my stomach with my face in the grass almost the entire time. It would have been nice if I'd been able to tell the police more, but I did the only thing I could do." Exhaling, she said, "I survived. So did you."
Lauren's chin trembled. She opened her mouth to speak, but a beeping sound from within her purse cut her off. "Damn it," she mumbled, digging through her bag to withdraw her cell phone and silence its alarm. "They called me in for an early shift this afternoon. I'm working the checkout at a grocery store...money isn't as good as dancing, but it pays the bills." She gave Arizona an apologetic smile. "My bus will be leaving in ten minutes. I'd actually love to stay and talk some more, but-"
Arizona shook her head. "No need to explain. I completely understand. I'm always getting called in to work."
"Except your job is important," Lauren said with a self-derisive chuckle. "Can't really compare the two, can we?"
"Hey, I love grocery stores. Go to them all the time." Arizona showed Lauren her dimples, hoping to put her at ease. "So I think they're totally important."
Lauren laughed. "You're incredibly sweet, Dr. Arizona Robbins. I like you."
"Likewise." Arizona stood as Lauren rose with her empty cup in hand. They walked to the trashcan in silence, then Lauren turned to face her with a tentative smile.
"I hate the reason we had to meet, but I'm glad we did." Hesitantly, Lauren opened her arms in invitation. "I'm feeling much less alone after talking to you. So thank you for that."
Arizona stepped into Lauren's embrace without hesitation, pulling her close. Surprised by the strength with which Lauren clung to her, Arizona ran her hands up and down her back in soothing rhythm. "Thank you, too. This was good, definitely."
Without letting her go, Lauren murmured, "This is the closest I've gotten to anyone, physically, since that night." She released Arizona with a gentle squeeze. "Forgot how nice a hug can be."
Arizona couldn't imagine going so long without something as simple as a hug. How many times had Callie or even Teddy comforted her with simple human connection? She was lucky. Without them, she could have just as easily withdrawn from the world.
Overcome with emotion, Arizona said, "Why don't you let me give you a ride?"
"Oh, you don't have to do that." Lauren laughed shakily. "I'm sure you're a busy person with better things to do than play taxi for me…"
"No," Arizona said. "I've got the day off and I'd love to spend a few more minutes talking. If you don't mind, of course."
The happiness on Lauren's face answered the question for her. "I'd love that. Thanks."
"Well, all right," Arizona chirped, linking her arm with Lauren's. Pleased when Lauren accepted the contact with a warm smile, she said, "Let's go."
#
Callie was in the middle of a fascinating article about experimental orthopedic procedures when a shadow fell across the page of text she was reading. Unsurprised by the interruption in the bustling hospital cafeteria, she raised an eyebrow without looking away from her magazine. "Unless someone's dying or you've brought me a pastry, I'm really enjoying my alone time."
"Geez, Torres." Mark's deep voice rang with amusement. "She's not a pastry, but I figured you'd want to say hello anyway."
Callie glanced up and broke into a grin at the sight of Addison Montgomery standing next to her best friend. "Addie!"
Addison smirked. "As good as a bear claw?"
"Better." Callie stood and pulled Addison into a tight hug. "God, it's good to see you."
Addison's hands landed on her back, stroking over her spine. They hadn't spoken much since that first phone call after Arizona's rape, but Callie could feel Addison's deep concern in her touch. Kissing her cheek, Addison said, "Happy to see you, too."
"You can't imagine the inappropriate thoughts running through my mind right now," Mark said from behind Callie. "Filthy, actually."
"Sure I can," Addison said in her typically throaty voice. "Pervert."
Callie released Addison and turned to Mark. "Predictable pervert."
Mark grinned. "Two of the hottest women I've ever slept with, hugging and touching each other right in front of me? No one could fault me for taking a little mental vacation. No one."
"Arizona might. I'm guessing the less you think about her woman in compromising positions with other people, the better," Addie said, then shoved against Mark's shoulder lightly. "Now why don't you run along and let us have a little girl time?"
Mark's smile grew wider. "Not helping."
Callie pushed on his other shoulder. "Go."
"All right," Mark grumbled good-naturedly. "I'll see you later, Addison?"
Addison arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Sure." She watched him walk away, then turned and caught Callie's curious gaze. "Oh, not like that."
"Uh-huh," Callie said, ducking out of the way as Addison tried to give her an admonishing swat. Laughing, Callie pulled out the chair next to hers. "You want to sit down?"
"Thanks." Addison collapsed with a weary sigh. "I took the red-eye this morning to get here for an emergency surgery. That lasted five very touch-and-go hours, and now I'm exhausted and ravenous." She eyed the cup of yogurt Callie hadn't opened yet. "On that note, I'm about to steal your food."
Callie sat and handed over her spoon. "Knock yourself out."
"Thanks." Addison peeled open the yogurt and took a bite, moaning in a way that would most certainly have made Mark Sloan's head explode. "That's heaven."
"Well, you're easy to please."
Addison gave her a smoky, playful look, then said, "So how are you? How's Arizona?"
"We're okay." Before the arrest, she would have said they were good. Now they were downgraded to just okay-but with better on the horizon. "I don't know if Mark told you, but they arrested the guy. They actually brought him here after he jumped out of a fourth-story window after this girl's brother came home and interrupted him raping her in her own bed."
"He did tell me. He also told me you did the surgery on the scumbag's legs." Addison paused in her devouring of the yogurt. "I'm sorry, Callie. That has to be difficult."
It was, but Callie had been more concerned about Arizona than herself, as usual. "It is what it is, you know? I can't change it now."
"That's a very Zen attitude, but I have a feeling you're struggling with it more than you're letting on." Giving her a pointed look, Addison said, "This is about you too, remember?"
Callie exhaled. "You're right, I am struggling with it. Not just that I did the surgery, but also with how I felt when I found out. I wanted to kill him, Addison. I don't think I've ever wanted to murder someone before, really, in my entire life. But if it wouldn't take me away from Arizona…well, I don't know. I honestly don't know what I would do if I got him alone." Just admitting her thirst for revenge made Callie feel better. She could never burden Arizona with the depth of her hatred for Colin Thomas, or the self-loathing she felt when she thought of how she had healed him, but getting it off her chest provided immediate relief. "It's hard to feel that way. Feels like it could eat me up inside, if I let it."
Addison pinned her with a sober, serious expression. "Then don't let it. He'll get what's coming to him. Your job is to take care of Arizona."
"I know," Callie said. "That's what I'm doing-just concentrating on helping her through the whole thing. She's going to testify against him, which is causing her a lot of stress, obviously."
"Good for her," Addison said, polishing off the last of Callie's yogurt. "You must be very proud of her."
"You have no idea." Just thinking about Arizona warmed her from the inside. "Terrible as this has been, everything that's happened has really made me appreciate just how amazing she is. And how special our relationship is." Callie met Addison's gaze, suddenly shy about how sappy she probably sounded. "We're working through it, together. And if we can make it past all this, I know we can make it through anything. I actually know, for the first time, that I've found the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life loving."
Addison beamed. "Wow. Sounds like despite the arrest and trial, things are really looking up since our last big talk."
"Absolutely. Not without some bumps along the road, but…yes. We're getting there."
Leaning close, Addison lowered her voice. "You were pretty worried about being physical again."
Callie surprised herself by blushing. She and Addison had talked about sex so many times she'd lost count, but that was before. That was when sex was something lighthearted, without all the emotional baggage. "Like I said, we're getting there. Arizona's seeing a therapist, and we're having joint sessions every other week, and it's all helping. I can't say that we've gone 'all the way' yet-or at least, I haven't gone 'all the way' with her-but we are being intimate again. It's good." Face burning even hotter, Callie said, "It's really good, actually."
Addison patted her arm. "I didn't mean to embarrass you."
"You didn't." Callie exhaled, sitting up straighter. "I want to thank you for all the advice you gave me, Addie, that first time we spoke on the phone, after it happened. It really helped." She paused, then winced. "Well, except for the hanging-out-with-Mark part. But you would never have advised I go about that one the way I did."
"Do I want to ask?"
"No." Sheepish, Callie said, "Arizona forgave me. That's the important part."
Addison studied her face, clearly amused. "Fascinating how fraternizing with Mark Sloan always leads to trouble, isn't it?"
"And how." Closing her magazine and setting it aside, Callie said, "Anyway, how long are you in town?"
"Two days."
"Maybe we can grab a few drinks. I'll ask Arizona if she wants to come for a girls' night out. She can invite Teddy Altman." Callie tried to imagine how Mark would react to the sight of three women he'd slept with drinking together. "No Mark Sloan, though."
"Sounds perfect. I'm busy tonight, but maybe tomorrow after work?"
"It's a date."
As though on cue, Addison's pager went off. She glanced at the display and stood quickly. "I've got to get this. Thanks for the yogurt. I'll see you later." Before Callie could respond, Addison took off in a dead run.
Short as it was, Addison's visit had lifted Callie's spirits. She hoped Arizona would be up for a night out.
#
When Arizona came home that night after her therapy appointment, she found Callie stretched out on the couch clutching a romance novel. Callie barely tore her gaze away from the page at Arizona's entrance, which meant that she had to be engrossed in a particularly steamy passage. Chuckling, Arizona dropped her keys onto the table beside the front door. "Honey, I'm home."
Callie lowered her book and gave her a playful smile. "Hello, darling. I'm right in the middle of a good part."
Arizona crossed the room and sat on the arm of the couch, gazing down on Callie as she continued to read. Her erect nipples strained against the thin cotton of her camisole, signaling her arousal. "I can see that."
Callie glanced at her chest, then at Arizona. "Dirty."
"Yeah," Arizona chirped. She curled her fingers around Callie's ankle, then slid her hand up to her bare calf. "You shouldn't look this hot, if you don't want me to get dirty with you."
Callie set her book aside and sat up, patting the spot beside her. "Come here."
"With pleasure." Arizona dropped onto the couch and scooted next to Callie. She wrapped her arms around Callie and sighed happily. "I missed you today."
"I missed you, too." Callie pressed her face into Arizona's hair and inhaled. "How was your day?"
"Good." Between coffee with Lauren and her appointment with Dr. Watson, Arizona was thoroughly talked out-and feeling better than she had in days. "I had coffee with his first victim this afternoon. Lauren. She was really sweet."
"Oh, yeah?" Callie drew back and searched Arizona's face. "How did that go?"
"It was nice to meet her. We had a good talk." As Arizona had told Dr. Watson during their appointment, hearing about Lauren's experience had not only left Arizona feeling less alone, but contrasting Lauren's attack and recovery with her own made her realize just how lucky she was. "We're supposed to get together again, closer to the trial. Kind of a mini support group, I guess. We're both nervous about testifying."
"That's great, honey. I mean, not that you're nervous, obviously. But that you've got someone to talk to, who really knows how you feel." Callie stroked the back of her hand over Arizona's face. "I'm so glad she called you."
"Me too." Arizona shivered at the gentle sensation of Callie's blunt fingernails trailing over her neck. The hardness of Callie's nipples pressing into her own drew Arizona's thoughts back to the book she had interrupted. "I'd rather talk about something else, though."
Callie's eyes darkened, as though she knew exactly where Arizona's mind had gone. "What's that?"
"Tell me about the good part." She glanced at the cover of the book Callie had been reading, pleased to see two women in a clinch. Arizona had introduced Callie to the pleasures of lesbian romance novels, and Callie seemed to really enjoy them. It saved Arizona from having to see naked male torsos on Callie's reading material, at least. "In your book."
Grinning shyly, Callie said, "The main character is going down on a woman for the first time. It's pretty hot."
Arizona hummed in the back of her throat, tracing her finger over Callie's mouth. She could barely remember the last time Callie had gone down on her. The thought ignited a hot curl of desire deep in Arizona's belly, and she gasped at the sudden, fierce urgency of her need. Knowing her low, breathy voice gave away her interest, Arizona murmured, "Does she like it? Licking another woman?"
"She loves it." Without breaking eye contact, Callie bent to draw Arizona's finger between her lips, flicking the tip gently with her tongue. "And it sounds like she's a natural."
Arizona giggled, leaning in to replace her finger with her mouth. She kissed Callie lightly, whispering, "Yes, she is."
Callie kissed her again, sweeping her tongue into Arizona's mouth with a languid groan. She smoothed her hands over Arizona's back and hips, every bit of her love and yearning coming through in the tender caress. Arizona broke their kiss and leaned her forehead against Callie's, breathing heavily.
She wanted to make love with Callie. More than that, she wanted Callie to make love to her.
She was ready.
Arizona ignored Callie's whimper of protest as she backed off the couch and stood. Staring into Callie's brown eyes, she worked open the button on her jeans, then the zipper. Callie's throat convulsed slightly when Arizona lowered her pants and stepped out of them. The naked lust in Callie's gaze set her on fire.
"You're in a good mood tonight." Callie's voice cracked slightly, betraying both her desire and her anxiety.
Arizona straddled Callie's thighs, lacing her fingers behind Callie's neck as she settled onto her lap. She was startlingly wet already, no doubt soaking through both her panties and Callie's thin cotton pajama pants. She wondered if Callie could feel it, too.
Pressing a gentle kiss just below Callie's earlobe, Arizona whispered, "Te deseo."
Callie trembled beneath her, gripping Arizona's hips with both hands. "Are you sure?"
Arizona leaned back and met Callie's eyes. "Quiero que me toques." The quiet noise Callie emitted, part pleasure and part surprise, made Arizona glad she'd Googled some key Spanish phrases-'I want you' was one she had heard Callie say before, but 'I want you to touch me' was a brand new addition to her limited Spanish vocabulary. From the intensity of the kisses Callie began to trail down her throat, it was a good one.
Callie kissed her way to Arizona's nipple, biting it gently through her shirt. She dragged the flat of her tongue across the sensitive tip, then released her. "May I lick you?"
Grabbing one of Callie's hands, Arizona guided her between her thighs, until Callie touched her with trembling fingers. Callie seemed reluctant to go any further, so Arizona rocked her hips slightly in an unsubtle search for friction. After a beat, Callie slowly moved against her, rubbing her labia through her panties.
Arizona moaned at the decadent bliss of Callie's tentative touch. "You want to lick me there?" Feeling playful, Arizona pulled her T-shirt over her head, leaving her in the pink bra that matched her panties. Arizona smiled as she cupped her own breasts with her hands, offering them to Callie, whose mouth hovered only inches away. "Or here?"
"Everywhere." Apparently emboldened, Callie pushed her fingers between Arizona's folds, soaking the material that separated her from bare skin. "Estoy hambriento por ti."
Arizona loved the sound of Callie's sensual voice saying words she didn't understand. "What does that mean?"
Callie brought her mouth to Arizona's ear and nibbled the sensitive edge. "I'm hungry for you."
Wholly in the moment, Arizona's focus narrowed solely to her desperate need to let Callie bring her pleasure. She ached for Callie's touch, had been away from it too long. She honestly didn't know how she would make it through the night without feeling Callie inside her. "Take me to bed, Calliope."
Callie brought her mouth to Arizona's and kissed her deeply. Then she placed her hands on Arizona's hips and gave her a gentle push. "I'm going to make you feel so good, baby."
Taking the hint, Arizona stood on shaking legs. Her anxiety about how this might go hadn't disappeared completely, but she was tired of wanting and not having-she was tired of ignoring her body in favor of her mind. She trusted Callie and they had been working toward reclaiming intimacy for so long now. It was time.
Callie rose and took Arizona's hand. "Come on."
Arizona followed Callie to the bedroom, staring down at their feet as they walked. Callie's toenails were painted light purple today, which made Arizona smile. She loved that color. "Are you nervous?" Arizona asked quietly.
"A little," Callie said, stopping in front of the bed. She waited until Arizona looked up, then held her face between tender hands. "I'm afraid I may be slightly out of practice. Make sure to boss me around down there, okay? Tell me what to do."
Arizona knew Callie was really asking her to be sure and communicate, but in a way that wouldn't darken the mood. Nodding, Arizona tangled her fingers in Callie's thick hair, bringing their mouths together for a bare whisper of a kiss. "Don't worry, I'm not afraid to give orders."
"I've heard that about you." Callie ghosted her mouth across Arizona's jaw, to her ear. "Now why don't you lie down and let me taste you?"
Shivering, Arizona scrambled onto the bed. She sat against the headboard, rapt at the sight of Callie removing her camisole, then her pajama bottoms and panties. Callie's soft caramel curves triggered a flesh flood of arousal, and an almost maddening desire for skin on skin contact.
Callie crawled onto the foot of the bed and carefully touched Arizona's calves. "You're a little overdressed," she said, clearly waiting for permission. At Arizona's silent nod, Callie curled her fingers under the waist of her panties and slowly tugged them off.
The depth of Arizona's sudden self-consciousness stunned her. They had been naked together many times during the past month, but Callie hadn't really gotten up close and personal with her pussy since the rape. As Callie eased her thighs apart, Arizona's breathing came out in quiet, nervous bursts. She watched Callie's face, almost afraid of what she might see there.
Callie stopped what she was doing. "Talk to me, darling."
Arizona's hand drifted between her legs, an unconscious gesture of modesty. "Am I…do I look…"
"What, querida?" Callie moved her hands to Arizona's face, forcing eye contact. "Ask me."
Embarrassed, Arizona whispered, "Do I look…okay…down there?" As a medical doctor, she felt ridiculous for asking the question. Her injuries hadn't been severe, so there was no reason to think her body had been permanently damaged by the attack. But as a woman, she needed to be reassured. That Callie still found her attractive, that he hadn't ruined her forever. "Am I okay?"
Callie opened her mouth slightly, but rather than speak, she drew back and gazed between Arizona's legs. Gathering her courage, Arizona removed her hand and spread her thighs, opening to Callie. She watched Callie take her in, felt the tightening of Callie's throat and the flaring of her nostrils as a wave of visceral pleasure. Arizona had her answer before Callie could say a word.
And when Callie whispered, "You're beautiful. Perfect," it took everything Arizona had not to dissolve into tears.
"Yeah?" Arizona said brokenly.
Callie stared into her eyes, taking Arizona's hand and squeezing tight. "Arizona, yes. I've never wanted anyone like I want you. I promise."
Swiping her damp eyes with the back of her free hand, Arizona settled against the headboard without releasing Callie. "Then kiss me."
Callie laced their fingers together, moving to rest on her stomach between Arizona's legs. She captured Arizona's gaze, smiling, then brought her mouth to Arizona's slick labia and planted a delicate kiss just below her clit. "Right there?"
Arizona's stomach muscles jumped in response to the light touch. Callie was so close to where she needed her to be, but not quite. Yet this was too exquisite to rush. Biting her lip, Arizona murmured, "That's a start."
Kissing her again, Callie ran the tip of her tongue along her sensitive folds, then up to circle her clit. Arizona gasped, arching her back as white-hot pleasure curled her toes. Any thought of shyness dissolved at the wet, sucking heat of Callie's mouth, at the obvious enthusiasm with which she was being devoured. Arizona tangled her fingers in Callie's hair and held her close, swept away by the safety and passion of their joining.
Callie broke away for only a moment, long enough to ask, "How is that?"
"Don't stop." Arizona pulled Callie forward, groaning when she dragged the flat of her tongue up her length. Callie might have been a late bloomer, but she knew what she was doing. Wanting to feel as much of her as possible, Arizona murmured, "Lower." Callie hesitated, so Arizona nudged her gently. "Please."
Callie trailed open-mouthed kisses down her labia, then carefully pressed between her folds and traced Arizona's opening with the tip of her tongue. Though she had expected the contact, Arizona stiffened slightly at the sensation of being caressed somewhere she'd almost forgotten could be a source of pleasure. She gripped Callie's hand, felt the answering squeeze, and surrendered to the decadent bliss of being explored so thoroughly. Callie stroked her thumb over the side of Arizona's wrist, keeping up the soothing contact as she very carefully pressed just inside.
Arizona's thighs quivered and she slammed her eyes closed, suddenly certain she was going to cry. It felt incredible. Callie was making her feel incredible. Just like before. Nothing had changed between them, except that now the sex was almost better, because they were closer than ever. Arizona tightened her hand in Callie's hair as her tears began to fall, hoping like hell that Callie wouldn't see them and stop.
Callie stroked her free hand over the curve of Arizona's hip. Sensing that she was asking for some feedback, Arizona whispered, "I love you, Calliope. Don't you dare stop. So fucking good."
Callie smiled against her, then moved up to lightly suck at her labia. She hummed enthusiastically, sending pleasant vibrations deep into Arizona's belly, where the building pressure was quickly turning into a near-painful ache.
Desperate to come, Arizona thrust her hips into Callie. "Suck me, baby. Suck on my clit."
Callie obeyed immediately, closing her lips around Arizona's aroused, distended clit and applying gentle suction that made her entire body quake. Slightly embarrassed by her loss of control, Arizona tossed her head and rocked against Callie's mouth. Orgasm building, Arizona glanced down just in time to see adoring brown eyes gazing back at her.
That was all it took.
Throwing back her head, Arizona cried out her release. She tried to close her thighs on Callie's head, overwhelmed by the waves of ecstasy that coursed through her body, and the intense joy that lifted her soul. As though she knew Arizona was on the verge of collapse, Callie retreated, surging up her body to give her a kiss that literally took her breath away.
Arizona threw her arms around Callie, holding on tight, and kissed back. Cradling Arizona's face tenderly, Callie used her thumbs to wipe away her tears. Grateful that Callie didn't feel the need to check if she was okay, Arizona savored the taste of her juices on Callie's mouth. Callie's breasts smashed against hers, carrying the thrumming echo of her pounding heart.
Ending their kiss, Callie leaned her forehead against Arizona's. "That was incredible."
Arizona just nodded.
"I love you." Callie dropped her hands to Arizona's shoulders. "You have no idea how much I've missed doing that."
"Me too," Arizona whispered. As much as she wanted to return the favor, she needed one more thing from Callie. Courage bolstered, she took Callie's hand and slid it between her legs. "Will you go inside me?"
Callie stilled. She lifted her head, staring deep into Arizona's eyes. "Are you sure?"
"I want it to be you. The last one inside me." Swallowing, Arizona willed her tears to stop, but that only made them flow harder. "Please."
"Whatever you want." Callie swirled her fingertips in the copious wetness between Arizona's legs, sending an aftershock of pleasure rolling through her abdomen. "Tell me to stop if you don't like it. I'm going to take it really slow."
Not trusting herself to speak, Arizona nodded again. She stared directly into Callie's eyes as a single, cautious fingertip played over her labia, then moved lower. Arizona felt a nervous fluttering of anticipation in her belly, more excitement than fear. As Callie stroked around her opening, Arizona exhaled deeply. Stay in the moment, she thought, before giving Callie an encouraging smile.
"I want to feel you." Arizona dragged her blunt fingernails up Callie's bare back. "Now. I'm sure."
Callie bent and kissed the corner of her mouth as she eased a single finger inside. Arizona's eyes flew open at the delicious sensation of fullness Callie created with only one digit, all pleasure and no pain. Opening her thighs wider, Arizona angled her hips to draw Callie deeper into her body. Instead of discomfort or unease, all Arizona felt was bone-deep satisfaction. Once again, they were as close as two people could get.
There was no stopping Arizona's tears now.
Callie withdrew almost completely, then paused. "More?"
Arizona nodded rapidly. "More." As Callie pushed back inside with excruciating care, Arizona latched onto her neck and sucked firmly. Drawing away moments later, she soothed the mark she'd made with her tongue. "Make me come again."
Callie knew exactly what to do. She pressed the pad of her thumb against Arizona's throbbing clit and rubbed tiny circles, never stopping the deliberate motion of her finger within Arizona's pussy. Still thrumming from her first orgasm, it took less than a minute for Callie to send her tumbling over once again. Arizona buried her face in Callie's neck and whimpered as she peaked, thrilled by the rhythmic tightening of her internal muscles around Callie's finger.
Slipping her free arm beneath Arizona's shoulders, Callie held her tight. She slowed her hand, then stopped it, but didn't withdraw. Arizona's chest heaved as a wave of relief hit her full force, and she broke down in quiet sobs.
"It's okay, darling." Callie eased out of Arizona, rolling to the side and gathering her in a warm embrace. "Let it out."
Pleased that Callie was giving her space to be emotional without assuming the worst, Arizona cuddled into her and allowed herself to feel the full scope of what had just happened. She had just overcome a major fear without any real difficulty, and on top of that, Calliope Torres had just made love to her in a way nobody ever had. Never had Arizona felt so cherished and adored, so protected. She didn't want to cry, but it was the only way to deal with everything Callie stirred inside.
"I love you so much," Arizona choked out. "I don't know how I got so lucky, I don't know if I deserve you, but…" She sniffled, drawing back to stare at Callie. "I'm so lucky, Calliope. So lucky."
Callie's eyes spilled over then. "I'm pretty sure nobody's ever felt that way about me before." The pain in her voice hit Arizona squarely in the chest. "I love you, too."
The sight of Callie's tears brought Arizona's to a stop. Instantly her focus turned outward, to showing Callie just how much she meant what she said. Settling over Callie, Arizona kissed away the tears that rolled down her cheeks. "Happily ever after, okay?"
Chuckling, Callie threw her arms around Arizona and squeezed. "That's the plan."
Arizona wiggled out of Callie's embrace, licking down her neck to take the tip of one full breast into her mouth. She laved Callie with her tongue, a wet, ardent kiss, and grinned as her nipple hardened into a tight point. Callie spread her legs and lifted her hips, rubbing against Arizona's abdomen with a pained groan.
"Do you want to come?"
Callie fisted her hands in the sheets. "Please."
Too eager to take it slow, Arizona moved her mouth down over Callie's belly, positioning herself between her thighs. She opened Callie with her fingers, exposing aroused pink flesh to the cool air. Leaning close, Arizona blew gently on Callie's pussy, loving the way it made her entire body jerk in anticipation. So wet she was literally dripping, Callie was a feast Arizona couldn't resist. She lowered her mouth and swirled her tongue around Callie's clit, moaning hungrily at her sweet flavor.
Callie very tentatively placed a hand on Arizona's head, but didn't tug on her hair. Not that Arizona would have minded-right now her entire world was Callie, and nothing but her pleasure mattered.
"This isn't going to take-" Callie arched her back and cried out, bumping Arizona's chin when her lower body jerked erratically.
Normally Arizona would back off and draw this out, but not tonight. She wasn't interested in teasing. Right now all she wanted was to feel Callie come in her mouth.
Callie drew in a shuddering breath and tried again. "Oh God, baby, I'm almost-" This time Callie's words cut off for a throaty moan. Her entire body tensed, and she tightened her fingers ever so slightly in Arizona's hair. Grinning, Arizona lapped and sucked at Callie's clit as she trembled beneath her. Enjoying the fresh torrent of wetness that soaked her cheeks and chin, Arizona was in heaven.
After some time, Callie's body relaxed. She tugged weakly on Arizona's shoulder and, taking the hint, Arizona kissed her way back up Callie's body until she reached her mouth. Callie dove in, sweeping her tongue across Arizona's lips then pressing into her mouth with a contented sigh.
Arizona broke their kiss only to breathe. "That was amazing."
"I'm pretty sure there's not even a word for what that was."
Laughing, Arizona curled up at Callie's side. She was sated in a way she hadn't been in months, and had to agree-there were no words to describe what they'd just shared.
"This has been a good day," Arizona said quietly. "A really good day."
"It sure as hell ended well." Callie propped herself up on her elbow, gazing down upon Arizona with a good-natured smirk. "Thank you for that."
"My pleasure."
Callie rested her hand on Arizona's stomach and rubbed softly. "We should do this again sometime."
Arizona giggled. "Try to stop me."
"Why would I do that?" Callie pinched Arizona's hip, then bent to kiss her chin. "Not to change the subject, but Addison Montgomery is in town. We're going to get drinks at Joe's tomorrow night-wanna be my date?"
Despite her slight unease upon her last trip to Joe's, Arizona didn't hesitate. After tonight, she could do anything. "Always."
"Cool. Invite Teddy too, if you want."
"Super." Arizona yawned, giving Callie a sheepish shrug. "Sorry. That took a lot out of me."
Callie shook her head. "No need to apologize. Me, too."
"Do you think we can snuggle for just a little while?" Arizona pulled the comforter over them, then threw her arm over Callie's middle and laid her head on her shoulder.
Callie kissed the crown of her head, gathering her closer. "Of course."
"Thanks," Arizona mumbled sleepily. If she could just close her eyes for a minute, she would recover enough to wash up, at least. Maybe even take a hot bath with Callie.
That last, pleasant thought ushered her into some very sweet dreams.
To be continued…
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: NC-17
Summary: When Arizona is attacked in the parking lot of Seattle Grace, everything changes...and her relationship with Callie is put to the test.
Content Warning
This story deals with the topic of rape and recovery. I am rating it a hard M for graphic depictions of rape, violence, and, eventually, consensual sex.
I would never write about rape frivolously, nor to titillate. There's a lot of fan fiction out there that deals with sexual assault in all manner of ways, many of them distasteful. The last thing I want to do is add to the litany of "rapefic" that traumatizes beloved characters for the sake of creating a juicy story.
At the same time, rape and sexual assault is a reality. As such, I believe it is a legitimate subject for fiction, especially when the focus is not so much on the physical act but on the psychological repercussions, the aftershocks such an event can unleash in a survivor's life.
If the frank depiction of rape and the pain of recovery (physical, emotional, and sexual) is likely to trigger or otherwise upset you, I would honestly give this story a pass. I don't plan on pulling any punches. I do plan on handling this the most respectful way I know how.
This is an extra-long one. Enjoy.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Arizona sat at a corner table in a coffee shop she had never visited before, bobbling her leg anxiously as she eyed the entrance. She was waiting for a brunette named Lauren Chase, but that was all she knew about the woman who had called her cell phone that morning. Her name, and that she was Colin Thomas's first victim.
After a brief, awkward introduction over the phone, they had agreed to meet in person so they could talk. The idea of sitting down with a stranger to chat about something as personal as being raped made Arizona's stomach churn, but at the same time, she looked forward to meeting Lauren. As much as she hated that they had Colin Thomas in common, it was reassuring to know that someone else understood exactly what she was going through with his arrest and the upcoming trial.
When an attractive woman with chestnut hair pulled into a loose ponytail entered the coffee shop and glanced around nervously, Arizona knew immediately that she was the one. Standing, Arizona caught the woman's gaze, and recognition seemed to flare in Lauren's eyes as well. She walked to Arizona's table, giving her an apologetic smile. "Arizona?"
Despite her lingering butterflies, Arizona had no trouble returning her smile. Though she looked tired, and older than her years, Lauren Chase's engaging nature instantly put Arizona at ease. "Yes. Hello, Lauren."
"Hi. Sorry, the bus was running a few minutes late." Lauren gestured at the counter with her thumb. "I'll grab a latte and then join you?"
"Sounds good." Arizona sat down and wrapped her hands around her coffee cup, grateful for the warmth. She watched Lauren walk to the counter and order, once again rehearsing what she might say. How does one start a conversation about being raped? About having to testify at your rapist's trial?
Lauren came back with her coffee a couple of minutes later. "So this is a weird way to meet someone new, right? No offense."
Arizona chuckled. "Yeah, I wish it were under different circumstances."
"Me too." Settling into the chair across from Arizona's, Lauren took a tentative sip of her coffee and winced. "Okay, that's lava-hot." She pushed the cup away and met Arizona's gaze. "So…how are you doing?"
Arizona's eyes welled with tears before she could stop herself. Horrified by her sudden and swift show of emotion, she stared down at the lid of her coffee cup, willing her voice to come out steady. "I'm…okay."
"I'm sorry." Lauren reached under the table and found Arizona's hand, holding it tight. "I know that's a silly question."
Shaking her head, Arizona pushed back the tears. Lauren appeared to be struggling to control her own emotions as well, and the last thing Arizona wanted was for this to turn into a public sob-fest. "No," Arizona said quietly. "I'm doing a lot better, actually. The whole trial thing is throwing me, but until the arrest, I'd come a long way in just a few months."
"Good." Lauren squeezed Arizona's hand then released it. "It takes a while to start feeling even close to normal again, doesn't it? I'm not sure I'll ever get all the way there."
"Me either." Arizona ran the tip of her finger around the rim of her cup. "At this point I'm just hoping for a new normal that's as close to the old one as possible. But really I'd settle for being able to go even one day without thinking about it."
Lauren nodded and tested her drink again. "Well, I'm not there yet. But I do go hours without thinking about it now."
"Me too." The best times for Arizona were during difficult, emergency surgeries, when she focused on nothing beyond the care of her patient. "Work helps. So does running."
"Detective Mendoza said you work at the hospital. Are you a doctor?"
"Yes. A pediatric surgeon."
Lauren straightened, looking simultaneously impressed and intimidated. "Oh. Wow."
Usually Arizona felt a sense of pride when she told people what she did, but Lauren's obvious unease sent a wave of sympathy through her. Detective Mendoza had said that Arizona would make a "better" witness for the jury, and Arizona sensed that Lauren might be comparing their credentials at that very moment. She hated for Lauren to feel lesser in any way. It didn't matter who either of them were, or what they did-Colin Thomas had hurt them both equally, and they each deserved justice.
"He attacked me in the parking lot outside the hospital. I was walking to my car after work." Embarrassed, Arizona stared down at the table. "There was a broken light near my car, so it was dark, and I called security to report it but went to my car alone anyway. When it happened, I very much felt like it was my fault."
Shaking her head vehemently, Lauren said, "No. He got me after work, too. I was walking to the bus stop, alone, at almost two in the morning. In a short skirt, low-cut top. Drunk." Her expression hardened. "No matter what the cops implied after it happened, no matter what that man said to me while he raped me, it was not my fault. I didn't ask for it."
"No, it wasn't." Arizona fought the urge to take Lauren's hand again. Though she obviously believed what she said, her eyes swam with pain. "You're absolutely right." Arizona hesitated then said, "Where do you work?"
"At the time I was working at a club downtown, as an exotic dancer. I'm not doing that anymore, though."
Detective Mendoza's assessment of Lauren's suitability as a witness began to make more sense, unfair as it was. The idea that a defense attorney might try to present Lauren as a less than credible accuser sickened Arizona, but she had no doubt that sort of thing happened all the time.
What bullshit.
Careful to keep her voice neutral, Arizona asked, "Did you quit because of what happened?"
"Yes. But it was a long time coming. The fact that I couldn't imagine letting crowds of men see and grope my naked body after what I'd gone through-once I'd healed enough for that to even be possible, that is-just forced me to make a decision I'd been putting off way too long." Lauren sipped her coffee, shaking her head. "I was getting too old for dancing, anyway. And the free drinks men bought me every night-it was sucking the life out of me. All of it. So after it happened, I quit my job and joined AA. Haven't looked back since."
"Good for you," Arizona said. "Joining AA."
"Thanks." Lauren gave her a pleased shrug. "It's helped. And it was something I needed to do. Right after the attack, all I wanted to do was drink. It numbed the pain. But I remembered the way the police looked at me that night, what they thought of me-just some drunk whore, raped in an alley-and that motivated me to quit. I know the rape didn't happen because I was drinking, but I also know that drinking had become a problem for me. I've got enough problems without that one. Especially now."
Arizona nodded. "I've been going to therapy. It took me a while to work up the courage to make an appointment, but finally I realized that if I wanted to get better, I needed to do whatever it took. Even if I didn't want to."
"Detective Mendoza gave me the number of a counselor. I couldn't bring myself to call. I have talked to my sponsor about it a little, though. Which has been nice."
"Therapy hasn't been bad. Better than I thought." Arizona twirled her cup in her hands. "It does help to talk."
Lauren met her gaze curiously. "Do you have a boyfriend?"
"I have a partner." Arizona raised an eyebrow. "A woman."
"Oh." Surprise flashed across Lauren's face, then dissolved into casual acceptance. "Cool."
"I think so." Arizona smiled. "You?"
"No. I was seeing a guy when it happened, but nothing serious. I don't think either of us felt like it was worth keeping it going." Sadness shone in Lauren's eyes. "Honestly, I can't even imagine being with a man right now. Sexually, I mean. Which is good, because I really shouldn't start a relationship at this stage in my recovery anyway, according to the program. So…yeah. It's better this way."
"If I didn't already have Calliope, I wouldn't be dating right now, either. No way." Arizona couldn't fathom being romantic with someone she barely knew while dealing with the immediate aftermath of the violence Colin Thomas had inflicted in her life. Working through her ability to trust and take pleasure in loving contact had been difficult enough with the women with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life, let alone a near-stranger. Yet having Callie by her side had been the single most healing thing in the weeks following the attack. "She's been so great. Incredible, actually. But it hasn't been easy. Trying to get back to where we were before. Being intimate again."
"Do you think it's easier, being with a woman?" Looking slightly embarrassed, Lauren said, "I mean, she can't remind you of him too much, right?"
Blushing, Arizona said, "I can't say if it's easier than being with a man, but even with a woman, it's been challenging. We're getting there, though. And beyond the sex stuff, our relationship is stronger than ever. This has really brought us closer, in some crazy way."
"Well, that's something, at least. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just a little jealous."
Lauren hesitated, searching her face. She clearly wanted to ask something, but Arizona could see her mentally weighing whether she should. "If this is too personal, please tell me. Honestly. You won't hurt my feelings."
Arizona braced herself. "Okay."
"Had you been with a man before?"
As though Lauren had flipped a switch, Arizona's eyes stung with painful emotion. Though she couldn't explain why, this was one of the hardest things to accept about what Colin Thomas had done. Arizona had taken a sort of ridiculous pride in her gold-star status, silly as that was, and though she doubted anyone would strip her of that title now, she felt sullied. Damaged. Debased.
It was stupid. But it still hurt.
"No," Arizona whispered. "No, I hadn't."
Lauren reached across the table and took her hand again. Grateful for the contact, Arizona held on tight. "I'm sorry he took that from you," Lauren said. "That must have been difficult."
"Yes," Arizona said simply. Wanting to change the subject, she said, "Detective Mendoza said you're going to testify?"
"Damn straight." Lauren's jaw tightened. "I want that bastard to rot in prison. I'll do everything I can to put him there."
"Me too." Squeezing Lauren's hand, she said, "I'm relieved I won't be the only one. Detective Mendoza told me the last girl he attacked doesn't want to get on the stand."
"Hopefully she'll come around. But even if she doesn't, at least there's the two of us."
The camaraderie Arizona felt with a woman she'd only just met shocked her. Knowing that Lauren was committed to facing the same traumatic experience she'd signed up for made Arizona feel less alone. If Lauren could face Colin Thomas in front of a judge and jury, so could she. Especially when Lauren would almost certainly have her testimony challenged for the most trivial and degrading reasons. "Yes," Arizona murmured. "At least there's us."
Lauren bit her lip, looking almost guilty.
"What?" Arizona asked gently.
"Well, this sounds terrible, I know that, but I guess I just wanted to say…" Lauren exhaled in a rush. "If he had to have another victim, I'm kind of…glad…it's someone like you. Someone respectable, I mean. Someone they'll believe."
Arizona wasn't sure what to say to that. Except, "I understand what you're saying. But I think it's bullshit that it even matters."
"Me too."
"Did he hurt you badly?" Arizona lowered her voice. "Other than the obvious, I mean."
"He broke my nose," Lauren said. "And one of my fingers."
Wincing, Arizona realized that as bad as her own injuries had been, it could have been worse. "Well, that goes beyond a little rough sex, so I can't imagine his attorney will try to claim it was consensual."
"I guess we'll find out." Lauren tried to put on a brave smile. "It doesn't matter what they ask me, or what they say about what I was wearing that night, or how much I'd had to drink. I'm going to go in there and tell my story, and trust that with all the other evidence and testimony, it'll help."
"I'm sure it will." Arizona caught Lauren's gaze. "You have no idea how much I appreciate the fact that you're going to testify. Thank you."
Lauren waved her off. "How could I not?"
"Are you as scared about it as I am?"
"I'm nervous about seeing him in court." Lauren glanced away, obviously embarrassed by the admission. "Not that he'll be able to hurt me again. I'm just scared of how I'll react to the sight of his face. I don't know what would be worse-tears or screaming rage."
"I'm afraid of that part, too." Arizona paused. "My partner Calliope saw him already. I don't know how much Detective Mendoza told you about when they arrested him, but apparently he jumped out of this last girl's fourth-story window and broke his legs. They brought him to our hospital-Callie's an orthopedic surgeon."
Lauren gave her a blank look. "I don't know what that means, but it sounds impressive."
Chuckling, Arizona said, "Bones. She deals with bones."
"Shit," Lauren said, understanding dawning on her face. "Was she the one who had to fix his legs?"
"Unfortunately, yeah."
Lauren grimaced. "I bet she was pissed off, huh?"
"She may have hurt him a little when she found out who he was." Despite her warning to Callie not to be overprotective, Arizona couldn't deny that her temporary lapse in Colin Thomas's recovery room brought her a certain amount of satisfaction. From the grin that tugged at Lauren's mouth, Arizona could see she felt the same. "Just a little. Not enough to get into any trouble."
"Good," Lauren said. "I like Calliope. She sounds like a bad-ass."
"She is. In the sexiest way possible." Arizona joined Lauren in quiet laughter, then sobered. "I honestly don't know what I'd do without her."
"I'm glad you have her." Lauren's good humor faded. "Arizona?"
"Yeah?"
Lauren blinked rapidly, wiping her eyes with the back of her free hand. "I, uh…I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I know it's probably stupid, but…when I reported the rape to the police, I wasn't able to give them a very good description of the man. Of Colin Thomas." She said his name with a sneer, as though it tasted bad on her tongue. "Partly because I was drunk, partly because it was dark, but also because I was so scared. They didn't have much to go on, and really, they probably assumed he was some equally drunk customer of mine or something, I don't know. But anyway…" Lauren cleared her throat. "I can't help thinking that if I'd remembered more, if I could have given them something to work with, then maybe…maybe this wouldn't have happened to you."
Arizona's heart constricted. She'd felt the same guilt, especially after learning about Thomas's third victim. Still, it had never occurred to her that Lauren might blame herself for Arizona's rape. "It isn't your fault."
"That's nice of you to say, but-"
"No. I didn't get a good look at him either. I told the police he was an unshaven white guy with a full head of hair, who smelled like cigarettes." Arizona watched Lauren shiver at her words, probably remembering the scratch of facial hair on her face, or the stink of nicotine on his skin. "I've blamed myself for not doing better than that, especially when he raped another girl after me, but the truth is, yes, it was dark and I was scared to death and he had me on my stomach with my face in the grass almost the entire time. It would have been nice if I'd been able to tell the police more, but I did the only thing I could do." Exhaling, she said, "I survived. So did you."
Lauren's chin trembled. She opened her mouth to speak, but a beeping sound from within her purse cut her off. "Damn it," she mumbled, digging through her bag to withdraw her cell phone and silence its alarm. "They called me in for an early shift this afternoon. I'm working the checkout at a grocery store...money isn't as good as dancing, but it pays the bills." She gave Arizona an apologetic smile. "My bus will be leaving in ten minutes. I'd actually love to stay and talk some more, but-"
Arizona shook her head. "No need to explain. I completely understand. I'm always getting called in to work."
"Except your job is important," Lauren said with a self-derisive chuckle. "Can't really compare the two, can we?"
"Hey, I love grocery stores. Go to them all the time." Arizona showed Lauren her dimples, hoping to put her at ease. "So I think they're totally important."
Lauren laughed. "You're incredibly sweet, Dr. Arizona Robbins. I like you."
"Likewise." Arizona stood as Lauren rose with her empty cup in hand. They walked to the trashcan in silence, then Lauren turned to face her with a tentative smile.
"I hate the reason we had to meet, but I'm glad we did." Hesitantly, Lauren opened her arms in invitation. "I'm feeling much less alone after talking to you. So thank you for that."
Arizona stepped into Lauren's embrace without hesitation, pulling her close. Surprised by the strength with which Lauren clung to her, Arizona ran her hands up and down her back in soothing rhythm. "Thank you, too. This was good, definitely."
Without letting her go, Lauren murmured, "This is the closest I've gotten to anyone, physically, since that night." She released Arizona with a gentle squeeze. "Forgot how nice a hug can be."
Arizona couldn't imagine going so long without something as simple as a hug. How many times had Callie or even Teddy comforted her with simple human connection? She was lucky. Without them, she could have just as easily withdrawn from the world.
Overcome with emotion, Arizona said, "Why don't you let me give you a ride?"
"Oh, you don't have to do that." Lauren laughed shakily. "I'm sure you're a busy person with better things to do than play taxi for me…"
"No," Arizona said. "I've got the day off and I'd love to spend a few more minutes talking. If you don't mind, of course."
The happiness on Lauren's face answered the question for her. "I'd love that. Thanks."
"Well, all right," Arizona chirped, linking her arm with Lauren's. Pleased when Lauren accepted the contact with a warm smile, she said, "Let's go."
#
Callie was in the middle of a fascinating article about experimental orthopedic procedures when a shadow fell across the page of text she was reading. Unsurprised by the interruption in the bustling hospital cafeteria, she raised an eyebrow without looking away from her magazine. "Unless someone's dying or you've brought me a pastry, I'm really enjoying my alone time."
"Geez, Torres." Mark's deep voice rang with amusement. "She's not a pastry, but I figured you'd want to say hello anyway."
Callie glanced up and broke into a grin at the sight of Addison Montgomery standing next to her best friend. "Addie!"
Addison smirked. "As good as a bear claw?"
"Better." Callie stood and pulled Addison into a tight hug. "God, it's good to see you."
Addison's hands landed on her back, stroking over her spine. They hadn't spoken much since that first phone call after Arizona's rape, but Callie could feel Addison's deep concern in her touch. Kissing her cheek, Addison said, "Happy to see you, too."
"You can't imagine the inappropriate thoughts running through my mind right now," Mark said from behind Callie. "Filthy, actually."
"Sure I can," Addison said in her typically throaty voice. "Pervert."
Callie released Addison and turned to Mark. "Predictable pervert."
Mark grinned. "Two of the hottest women I've ever slept with, hugging and touching each other right in front of me? No one could fault me for taking a little mental vacation. No one."
"Arizona might. I'm guessing the less you think about her woman in compromising positions with other people, the better," Addie said, then shoved against Mark's shoulder lightly. "Now why don't you run along and let us have a little girl time?"
Mark's smile grew wider. "Not helping."
Callie pushed on his other shoulder. "Go."
"All right," Mark grumbled good-naturedly. "I'll see you later, Addison?"
Addison arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Sure." She watched him walk away, then turned and caught Callie's curious gaze. "Oh, not like that."
"Uh-huh," Callie said, ducking out of the way as Addison tried to give her an admonishing swat. Laughing, Callie pulled out the chair next to hers. "You want to sit down?"
"Thanks." Addison collapsed with a weary sigh. "I took the red-eye this morning to get here for an emergency surgery. That lasted five very touch-and-go hours, and now I'm exhausted and ravenous." She eyed the cup of yogurt Callie hadn't opened yet. "On that note, I'm about to steal your food."
Callie sat and handed over her spoon. "Knock yourself out."
"Thanks." Addison peeled open the yogurt and took a bite, moaning in a way that would most certainly have made Mark Sloan's head explode. "That's heaven."
"Well, you're easy to please."
Addison gave her a smoky, playful look, then said, "So how are you? How's Arizona?"
"We're okay." Before the arrest, she would have said they were good. Now they were downgraded to just okay-but with better on the horizon. "I don't know if Mark told you, but they arrested the guy. They actually brought him here after he jumped out of a fourth-story window after this girl's brother came home and interrupted him raping her in her own bed."
"He did tell me. He also told me you did the surgery on the scumbag's legs." Addison paused in her devouring of the yogurt. "I'm sorry, Callie. That has to be difficult."
It was, but Callie had been more concerned about Arizona than herself, as usual. "It is what it is, you know? I can't change it now."
"That's a very Zen attitude, but I have a feeling you're struggling with it more than you're letting on." Giving her a pointed look, Addison said, "This is about you too, remember?"
Callie exhaled. "You're right, I am struggling with it. Not just that I did the surgery, but also with how I felt when I found out. I wanted to kill him, Addison. I don't think I've ever wanted to murder someone before, really, in my entire life. But if it wouldn't take me away from Arizona…well, I don't know. I honestly don't know what I would do if I got him alone." Just admitting her thirst for revenge made Callie feel better. She could never burden Arizona with the depth of her hatred for Colin Thomas, or the self-loathing she felt when she thought of how she had healed him, but getting it off her chest provided immediate relief. "It's hard to feel that way. Feels like it could eat me up inside, if I let it."
Addison pinned her with a sober, serious expression. "Then don't let it. He'll get what's coming to him. Your job is to take care of Arizona."
"I know," Callie said. "That's what I'm doing-just concentrating on helping her through the whole thing. She's going to testify against him, which is causing her a lot of stress, obviously."
"Good for her," Addison said, polishing off the last of Callie's yogurt. "You must be very proud of her."
"You have no idea." Just thinking about Arizona warmed her from the inside. "Terrible as this has been, everything that's happened has really made me appreciate just how amazing she is. And how special our relationship is." Callie met Addison's gaze, suddenly shy about how sappy she probably sounded. "We're working through it, together. And if we can make it past all this, I know we can make it through anything. I actually know, for the first time, that I've found the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life loving."
Addison beamed. "Wow. Sounds like despite the arrest and trial, things are really looking up since our last big talk."
"Absolutely. Not without some bumps along the road, but…yes. We're getting there."
Leaning close, Addison lowered her voice. "You were pretty worried about being physical again."
Callie surprised herself by blushing. She and Addison had talked about sex so many times she'd lost count, but that was before. That was when sex was something lighthearted, without all the emotional baggage. "Like I said, we're getting there. Arizona's seeing a therapist, and we're having joint sessions every other week, and it's all helping. I can't say that we've gone 'all the way' yet-or at least, I haven't gone 'all the way' with her-but we are being intimate again. It's good." Face burning even hotter, Callie said, "It's really good, actually."
Addison patted her arm. "I didn't mean to embarrass you."
"You didn't." Callie exhaled, sitting up straighter. "I want to thank you for all the advice you gave me, Addie, that first time we spoke on the phone, after it happened. It really helped." She paused, then winced. "Well, except for the hanging-out-with-Mark part. But you would never have advised I go about that one the way I did."
"Do I want to ask?"
"No." Sheepish, Callie said, "Arizona forgave me. That's the important part."
Addison studied her face, clearly amused. "Fascinating how fraternizing with Mark Sloan always leads to trouble, isn't it?"
"And how." Closing her magazine and setting it aside, Callie said, "Anyway, how long are you in town?"
"Two days."
"Maybe we can grab a few drinks. I'll ask Arizona if she wants to come for a girls' night out. She can invite Teddy Altman." Callie tried to imagine how Mark would react to the sight of three women he'd slept with drinking together. "No Mark Sloan, though."
"Sounds perfect. I'm busy tonight, but maybe tomorrow after work?"
"It's a date."
As though on cue, Addison's pager went off. She glanced at the display and stood quickly. "I've got to get this. Thanks for the yogurt. I'll see you later." Before Callie could respond, Addison took off in a dead run.
Short as it was, Addison's visit had lifted Callie's spirits. She hoped Arizona would be up for a night out.
#
When Arizona came home that night after her therapy appointment, she found Callie stretched out on the couch clutching a romance novel. Callie barely tore her gaze away from the page at Arizona's entrance, which meant that she had to be engrossed in a particularly steamy passage. Chuckling, Arizona dropped her keys onto the table beside the front door. "Honey, I'm home."
Callie lowered her book and gave her a playful smile. "Hello, darling. I'm right in the middle of a good part."
Arizona crossed the room and sat on the arm of the couch, gazing down on Callie as she continued to read. Her erect nipples strained against the thin cotton of her camisole, signaling her arousal. "I can see that."
Callie glanced at her chest, then at Arizona. "Dirty."
"Yeah," Arizona chirped. She curled her fingers around Callie's ankle, then slid her hand up to her bare calf. "You shouldn't look this hot, if you don't want me to get dirty with you."
Callie set her book aside and sat up, patting the spot beside her. "Come here."
"With pleasure." Arizona dropped onto the couch and scooted next to Callie. She wrapped her arms around Callie and sighed happily. "I missed you today."
"I missed you, too." Callie pressed her face into Arizona's hair and inhaled. "How was your day?"
"Good." Between coffee with Lauren and her appointment with Dr. Watson, Arizona was thoroughly talked out-and feeling better than she had in days. "I had coffee with his first victim this afternoon. Lauren. She was really sweet."
"Oh, yeah?" Callie drew back and searched Arizona's face. "How did that go?"
"It was nice to meet her. We had a good talk." As Arizona had told Dr. Watson during their appointment, hearing about Lauren's experience had not only left Arizona feeling less alone, but contrasting Lauren's attack and recovery with her own made her realize just how lucky she was. "We're supposed to get together again, closer to the trial. Kind of a mini support group, I guess. We're both nervous about testifying."
"That's great, honey. I mean, not that you're nervous, obviously. But that you've got someone to talk to, who really knows how you feel." Callie stroked the back of her hand over Arizona's face. "I'm so glad she called you."
"Me too." Arizona shivered at the gentle sensation of Callie's blunt fingernails trailing over her neck. The hardness of Callie's nipples pressing into her own drew Arizona's thoughts back to the book she had interrupted. "I'd rather talk about something else, though."
Callie's eyes darkened, as though she knew exactly where Arizona's mind had gone. "What's that?"
"Tell me about the good part." She glanced at the cover of the book Callie had been reading, pleased to see two women in a clinch. Arizona had introduced Callie to the pleasures of lesbian romance novels, and Callie seemed to really enjoy them. It saved Arizona from having to see naked male torsos on Callie's reading material, at least. "In your book."
Grinning shyly, Callie said, "The main character is going down on a woman for the first time. It's pretty hot."
Arizona hummed in the back of her throat, tracing her finger over Callie's mouth. She could barely remember the last time Callie had gone down on her. The thought ignited a hot curl of desire deep in Arizona's belly, and she gasped at the sudden, fierce urgency of her need. Knowing her low, breathy voice gave away her interest, Arizona murmured, "Does she like it? Licking another woman?"
"She loves it." Without breaking eye contact, Callie bent to draw Arizona's finger between her lips, flicking the tip gently with her tongue. "And it sounds like she's a natural."
Arizona giggled, leaning in to replace her finger with her mouth. She kissed Callie lightly, whispering, "Yes, she is."
Callie kissed her again, sweeping her tongue into Arizona's mouth with a languid groan. She smoothed her hands over Arizona's back and hips, every bit of her love and yearning coming through in the tender caress. Arizona broke their kiss and leaned her forehead against Callie's, breathing heavily.
She wanted to make love with Callie. More than that, she wanted Callie to make love to her.
She was ready.
Arizona ignored Callie's whimper of protest as she backed off the couch and stood. Staring into Callie's brown eyes, she worked open the button on her jeans, then the zipper. Callie's throat convulsed slightly when Arizona lowered her pants and stepped out of them. The naked lust in Callie's gaze set her on fire.
"You're in a good mood tonight." Callie's voice cracked slightly, betraying both her desire and her anxiety.
Arizona straddled Callie's thighs, lacing her fingers behind Callie's neck as she settled onto her lap. She was startlingly wet already, no doubt soaking through both her panties and Callie's thin cotton pajama pants. She wondered if Callie could feel it, too.
Pressing a gentle kiss just below Callie's earlobe, Arizona whispered, "Te deseo."
Callie trembled beneath her, gripping Arizona's hips with both hands. "Are you sure?"
Arizona leaned back and met Callie's eyes. "Quiero que me toques." The quiet noise Callie emitted, part pleasure and part surprise, made Arizona glad she'd Googled some key Spanish phrases-'I want you' was one she had heard Callie say before, but 'I want you to touch me' was a brand new addition to her limited Spanish vocabulary. From the intensity of the kisses Callie began to trail down her throat, it was a good one.
Callie kissed her way to Arizona's nipple, biting it gently through her shirt. She dragged the flat of her tongue across the sensitive tip, then released her. "May I lick you?"
Grabbing one of Callie's hands, Arizona guided her between her thighs, until Callie touched her with trembling fingers. Callie seemed reluctant to go any further, so Arizona rocked her hips slightly in an unsubtle search for friction. After a beat, Callie slowly moved against her, rubbing her labia through her panties.
Arizona moaned at the decadent bliss of Callie's tentative touch. "You want to lick me there?" Feeling playful, Arizona pulled her T-shirt over her head, leaving her in the pink bra that matched her panties. Arizona smiled as she cupped her own breasts with her hands, offering them to Callie, whose mouth hovered only inches away. "Or here?"
"Everywhere." Apparently emboldened, Callie pushed her fingers between Arizona's folds, soaking the material that separated her from bare skin. "Estoy hambriento por ti."
Arizona loved the sound of Callie's sensual voice saying words she didn't understand. "What does that mean?"
Callie brought her mouth to Arizona's ear and nibbled the sensitive edge. "I'm hungry for you."
Wholly in the moment, Arizona's focus narrowed solely to her desperate need to let Callie bring her pleasure. She ached for Callie's touch, had been away from it too long. She honestly didn't know how she would make it through the night without feeling Callie inside her. "Take me to bed, Calliope."
Callie brought her mouth to Arizona's and kissed her deeply. Then she placed her hands on Arizona's hips and gave her a gentle push. "I'm going to make you feel so good, baby."
Taking the hint, Arizona stood on shaking legs. Her anxiety about how this might go hadn't disappeared completely, but she was tired of wanting and not having-she was tired of ignoring her body in favor of her mind. She trusted Callie and they had been working toward reclaiming intimacy for so long now. It was time.
Callie rose and took Arizona's hand. "Come on."
Arizona followed Callie to the bedroom, staring down at their feet as they walked. Callie's toenails were painted light purple today, which made Arizona smile. She loved that color. "Are you nervous?" Arizona asked quietly.
"A little," Callie said, stopping in front of the bed. She waited until Arizona looked up, then held her face between tender hands. "I'm afraid I may be slightly out of practice. Make sure to boss me around down there, okay? Tell me what to do."
Arizona knew Callie was really asking her to be sure and communicate, but in a way that wouldn't darken the mood. Nodding, Arizona tangled her fingers in Callie's thick hair, bringing their mouths together for a bare whisper of a kiss. "Don't worry, I'm not afraid to give orders."
"I've heard that about you." Callie ghosted her mouth across Arizona's jaw, to her ear. "Now why don't you lie down and let me taste you?"
Shivering, Arizona scrambled onto the bed. She sat against the headboard, rapt at the sight of Callie removing her camisole, then her pajama bottoms and panties. Callie's soft caramel curves triggered a flesh flood of arousal, and an almost maddening desire for skin on skin contact.
Callie crawled onto the foot of the bed and carefully touched Arizona's calves. "You're a little overdressed," she said, clearly waiting for permission. At Arizona's silent nod, Callie curled her fingers under the waist of her panties and slowly tugged them off.
The depth of Arizona's sudden self-consciousness stunned her. They had been naked together many times during the past month, but Callie hadn't really gotten up close and personal with her pussy since the rape. As Callie eased her thighs apart, Arizona's breathing came out in quiet, nervous bursts. She watched Callie's face, almost afraid of what she might see there.
Callie stopped what she was doing. "Talk to me, darling."
Arizona's hand drifted between her legs, an unconscious gesture of modesty. "Am I…do I look…"
"What, querida?" Callie moved her hands to Arizona's face, forcing eye contact. "Ask me."
Embarrassed, Arizona whispered, "Do I look…okay…down there?" As a medical doctor, she felt ridiculous for asking the question. Her injuries hadn't been severe, so there was no reason to think her body had been permanently damaged by the attack. But as a woman, she needed to be reassured. That Callie still found her attractive, that he hadn't ruined her forever. "Am I okay?"
Callie opened her mouth slightly, but rather than speak, she drew back and gazed between Arizona's legs. Gathering her courage, Arizona removed her hand and spread her thighs, opening to Callie. She watched Callie take her in, felt the tightening of Callie's throat and the flaring of her nostrils as a wave of visceral pleasure. Arizona had her answer before Callie could say a word.
And when Callie whispered, "You're beautiful. Perfect," it took everything Arizona had not to dissolve into tears.
"Yeah?" Arizona said brokenly.
Callie stared into her eyes, taking Arizona's hand and squeezing tight. "Arizona, yes. I've never wanted anyone like I want you. I promise."
Swiping her damp eyes with the back of her free hand, Arizona settled against the headboard without releasing Callie. "Then kiss me."
Callie laced their fingers together, moving to rest on her stomach between Arizona's legs. She captured Arizona's gaze, smiling, then brought her mouth to Arizona's slick labia and planted a delicate kiss just below her clit. "Right there?"
Arizona's stomach muscles jumped in response to the light touch. Callie was so close to where she needed her to be, but not quite. Yet this was too exquisite to rush. Biting her lip, Arizona murmured, "That's a start."
Kissing her again, Callie ran the tip of her tongue along her sensitive folds, then up to circle her clit. Arizona gasped, arching her back as white-hot pleasure curled her toes. Any thought of shyness dissolved at the wet, sucking heat of Callie's mouth, at the obvious enthusiasm with which she was being devoured. Arizona tangled her fingers in Callie's hair and held her close, swept away by the safety and passion of their joining.
Callie broke away for only a moment, long enough to ask, "How is that?"
"Don't stop." Arizona pulled Callie forward, groaning when she dragged the flat of her tongue up her length. Callie might have been a late bloomer, but she knew what she was doing. Wanting to feel as much of her as possible, Arizona murmured, "Lower." Callie hesitated, so Arizona nudged her gently. "Please."
Callie trailed open-mouthed kisses down her labia, then carefully pressed between her folds and traced Arizona's opening with the tip of her tongue. Though she had expected the contact, Arizona stiffened slightly at the sensation of being caressed somewhere she'd almost forgotten could be a source of pleasure. She gripped Callie's hand, felt the answering squeeze, and surrendered to the decadent bliss of being explored so thoroughly. Callie stroked her thumb over the side of Arizona's wrist, keeping up the soothing contact as she very carefully pressed just inside.
Arizona's thighs quivered and she slammed her eyes closed, suddenly certain she was going to cry. It felt incredible. Callie was making her feel incredible. Just like before. Nothing had changed between them, except that now the sex was almost better, because they were closer than ever. Arizona tightened her hand in Callie's hair as her tears began to fall, hoping like hell that Callie wouldn't see them and stop.
Callie stroked her free hand over the curve of Arizona's hip. Sensing that she was asking for some feedback, Arizona whispered, "I love you, Calliope. Don't you dare stop. So fucking good."
Callie smiled against her, then moved up to lightly suck at her labia. She hummed enthusiastically, sending pleasant vibrations deep into Arizona's belly, where the building pressure was quickly turning into a near-painful ache.
Desperate to come, Arizona thrust her hips into Callie. "Suck me, baby. Suck on my clit."
Callie obeyed immediately, closing her lips around Arizona's aroused, distended clit and applying gentle suction that made her entire body quake. Slightly embarrassed by her loss of control, Arizona tossed her head and rocked against Callie's mouth. Orgasm building, Arizona glanced down just in time to see adoring brown eyes gazing back at her.
That was all it took.
Throwing back her head, Arizona cried out her release. She tried to close her thighs on Callie's head, overwhelmed by the waves of ecstasy that coursed through her body, and the intense joy that lifted her soul. As though she knew Arizona was on the verge of collapse, Callie retreated, surging up her body to give her a kiss that literally took her breath away.
Arizona threw her arms around Callie, holding on tight, and kissed back. Cradling Arizona's face tenderly, Callie used her thumbs to wipe away her tears. Grateful that Callie didn't feel the need to check if she was okay, Arizona savored the taste of her juices on Callie's mouth. Callie's breasts smashed against hers, carrying the thrumming echo of her pounding heart.
Ending their kiss, Callie leaned her forehead against Arizona's. "That was incredible."
Arizona just nodded.
"I love you." Callie dropped her hands to Arizona's shoulders. "You have no idea how much I've missed doing that."
"Me too," Arizona whispered. As much as she wanted to return the favor, she needed one more thing from Callie. Courage bolstered, she took Callie's hand and slid it between her legs. "Will you go inside me?"
Callie stilled. She lifted her head, staring deep into Arizona's eyes. "Are you sure?"
"I want it to be you. The last one inside me." Swallowing, Arizona willed her tears to stop, but that only made them flow harder. "Please."
"Whatever you want." Callie swirled her fingertips in the copious wetness between Arizona's legs, sending an aftershock of pleasure rolling through her abdomen. "Tell me to stop if you don't like it. I'm going to take it really slow."
Not trusting herself to speak, Arizona nodded again. She stared directly into Callie's eyes as a single, cautious fingertip played over her labia, then moved lower. Arizona felt a nervous fluttering of anticipation in her belly, more excitement than fear. As Callie stroked around her opening, Arizona exhaled deeply. Stay in the moment, she thought, before giving Callie an encouraging smile.
"I want to feel you." Arizona dragged her blunt fingernails up Callie's bare back. "Now. I'm sure."
Callie bent and kissed the corner of her mouth as she eased a single finger inside. Arizona's eyes flew open at the delicious sensation of fullness Callie created with only one digit, all pleasure and no pain. Opening her thighs wider, Arizona angled her hips to draw Callie deeper into her body. Instead of discomfort or unease, all Arizona felt was bone-deep satisfaction. Once again, they were as close as two people could get.
There was no stopping Arizona's tears now.
Callie withdrew almost completely, then paused. "More?"
Arizona nodded rapidly. "More." As Callie pushed back inside with excruciating care, Arizona latched onto her neck and sucked firmly. Drawing away moments later, she soothed the mark she'd made with her tongue. "Make me come again."
Callie knew exactly what to do. She pressed the pad of her thumb against Arizona's throbbing clit and rubbed tiny circles, never stopping the deliberate motion of her finger within Arizona's pussy. Still thrumming from her first orgasm, it took less than a minute for Callie to send her tumbling over once again. Arizona buried her face in Callie's neck and whimpered as she peaked, thrilled by the rhythmic tightening of her internal muscles around Callie's finger.
Slipping her free arm beneath Arizona's shoulders, Callie held her tight. She slowed her hand, then stopped it, but didn't withdraw. Arizona's chest heaved as a wave of relief hit her full force, and she broke down in quiet sobs.
"It's okay, darling." Callie eased out of Arizona, rolling to the side and gathering her in a warm embrace. "Let it out."
Pleased that Callie was giving her space to be emotional without assuming the worst, Arizona cuddled into her and allowed herself to feel the full scope of what had just happened. She had just overcome a major fear without any real difficulty, and on top of that, Calliope Torres had just made love to her in a way nobody ever had. Never had Arizona felt so cherished and adored, so protected. She didn't want to cry, but it was the only way to deal with everything Callie stirred inside.
"I love you so much," Arizona choked out. "I don't know how I got so lucky, I don't know if I deserve you, but…" She sniffled, drawing back to stare at Callie. "I'm so lucky, Calliope. So lucky."
Callie's eyes spilled over then. "I'm pretty sure nobody's ever felt that way about me before." The pain in her voice hit Arizona squarely in the chest. "I love you, too."
The sight of Callie's tears brought Arizona's to a stop. Instantly her focus turned outward, to showing Callie just how much she meant what she said. Settling over Callie, Arizona kissed away the tears that rolled down her cheeks. "Happily ever after, okay?"
Chuckling, Callie threw her arms around Arizona and squeezed. "That's the plan."
Arizona wiggled out of Callie's embrace, licking down her neck to take the tip of one full breast into her mouth. She laved Callie with her tongue, a wet, ardent kiss, and grinned as her nipple hardened into a tight point. Callie spread her legs and lifted her hips, rubbing against Arizona's abdomen with a pained groan.
"Do you want to come?"
Callie fisted her hands in the sheets. "Please."
Too eager to take it slow, Arizona moved her mouth down over Callie's belly, positioning herself between her thighs. She opened Callie with her fingers, exposing aroused pink flesh to the cool air. Leaning close, Arizona blew gently on Callie's pussy, loving the way it made her entire body jerk in anticipation. So wet she was literally dripping, Callie was a feast Arizona couldn't resist. She lowered her mouth and swirled her tongue around Callie's clit, moaning hungrily at her sweet flavor.
Callie very tentatively placed a hand on Arizona's head, but didn't tug on her hair. Not that Arizona would have minded-right now her entire world was Callie, and nothing but her pleasure mattered.
"This isn't going to take-" Callie arched her back and cried out, bumping Arizona's chin when her lower body jerked erratically.
Normally Arizona would back off and draw this out, but not tonight. She wasn't interested in teasing. Right now all she wanted was to feel Callie come in her mouth.
Callie drew in a shuddering breath and tried again. "Oh God, baby, I'm almost-" This time Callie's words cut off for a throaty moan. Her entire body tensed, and she tightened her fingers ever so slightly in Arizona's hair. Grinning, Arizona lapped and sucked at Callie's clit as she trembled beneath her. Enjoying the fresh torrent of wetness that soaked her cheeks and chin, Arizona was in heaven.
After some time, Callie's body relaxed. She tugged weakly on Arizona's shoulder and, taking the hint, Arizona kissed her way back up Callie's body until she reached her mouth. Callie dove in, sweeping her tongue across Arizona's lips then pressing into her mouth with a contented sigh.
Arizona broke their kiss only to breathe. "That was amazing."
"I'm pretty sure there's not even a word for what that was."
Laughing, Arizona curled up at Callie's side. She was sated in a way she hadn't been in months, and had to agree-there were no words to describe what they'd just shared.
"This has been a good day," Arizona said quietly. "A really good day."
"It sure as hell ended well." Callie propped herself up on her elbow, gazing down upon Arizona with a good-natured smirk. "Thank you for that."
"My pleasure."
Callie rested her hand on Arizona's stomach and rubbed softly. "We should do this again sometime."
Arizona giggled. "Try to stop me."
"Why would I do that?" Callie pinched Arizona's hip, then bent to kiss her chin. "Not to change the subject, but Addison Montgomery is in town. We're going to get drinks at Joe's tomorrow night-wanna be my date?"
Despite her slight unease upon her last trip to Joe's, Arizona didn't hesitate. After tonight, she could do anything. "Always."
"Cool. Invite Teddy too, if you want."
"Super." Arizona yawned, giving Callie a sheepish shrug. "Sorry. That took a lot out of me."
Callie shook her head. "No need to apologize. Me, too."
"Do you think we can snuggle for just a little while?" Arizona pulled the comforter over them, then threw her arm over Callie's middle and laid her head on her shoulder.
Callie kissed the crown of her head, gathering her closer. "Of course."
"Thanks," Arizona mumbled sleepily. If she could just close her eyes for a minute, she would recover enough to wash up, at least. Maybe even take a hot bath with Callie.
That last, pleasant thought ushered her into some very sweet dreams.
To be continued…