Little Earthquakes (Chapter 8)
Title: Little Earthquakes (8/?)
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: NC-17
Summary: When Arizona is attacked in the parking lot of Seattle Grace, everything changes...and her relationship with Callie is put to the test.
Content Warning
This story deals with the topic of rape and recovery. I am rating it a hard M for graphic depictions of rape, violence, and, eventually, consensual sex.
I would never write about rape frivolously, nor to titillate. There's a lot of fan fiction out there that deals with sexual assault in all manner of ways, many of them distasteful. The last thing I want to do is add to the litany of "rapefic" that traumatizes beloved characters for the sake of creating a juicy story.
At the same time, rape and sexual assault is a reality. As such, I believe it is a legitimate subject for fiction, especially when the focus is not so much on the physical act but on the psychological repercussions, the aftershocks such an event can unleash in a survivor's life.
If the frank depiction of rape and the pain of recovery (physical, emotional, and sexual) is likely to trigger or otherwise upset you, I would honestly give this story a pass. I don't plan on pulling any punches. I do plan on handling this the most respectful way I know how.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Arizona walked into her apartment on rubbery legs, running a hand through her sweat-dampened hair with a half-grin on her face. Who would have ever thought she would go running? And survive? While Teddy had been gracious enough to intersperse their hour-long journey with healthy bouts of walking, Arizona was still impressed with herself. She had exceeded her own expectations.
Already sore, Arizona sensed that she might have jumped the gun as far as being active so soon after the attack, but this was a good ache. A healthy ache. So she welcomed the burn, especially because it seemed to obliterate much of the anxiety she had felt over the past two weeks. Teddy was right about endorphins. This was as mellow as she had felt in a while.
"I'm back," Arizona shouted from the foyer, kicking off her shoes then stripping her socks from her feet. "And I'm sweaty."
"I love me some sweaty Arizona," came Callie's reply from deeper inside the apartment.
Smiling, Arizona strolled into the living room to find Callie reclining on the couch with a thick book. This was one of Callie's best-kept secrets: the woman was a reader. Not medical journals or magazines, either. Mystery novels. Thrillers. Even the occasional romance. Though she rarely had time to indulge in what Arizona knew Callie considered a guilty pleasure, whenever the opportunity arose Callie grabbed on with both hands. As far as Arizona was concerned, there was something very sexy about a bookworm.
"Ten minutes ago I was doubled-over, gasping-for-air Arizona." Putting her hands on her hips, Arizona stood still and pretended not to notice the way Callie's gaze lingered on her chest. "Not nearly as appealing."
"Teddy gave you a run for your money?" Callie cracked a goofy smile at her own joke. "So to speak."
Arizona rolled her eyes, leaning down to kiss the crown of Callie's head. "She tried to take it easy on me, believe it or not."
"Feel good?"
"Actually, yeah. Really good."
Callie grinned. "That's super."
Arizona gave Callie a gentle poke in the ribs. Super was a word Callie never used unless she wanted to tease Arizona. Thrilled that they were finally at a point where teasing felt possible, Arizona couldn't help kissing Callie again. On the cheek this time. "Yes, it is."
Callie wrinkled her nose. "Yeah, you're definitely sweaty."
Laughing, Arizona pulled away. "Hint taken. I'll hit the shower."
"Probably best."
Arizona stuck out her tongue then spotted her cell phone on the coffee table. She'd left it at home during her run, turned off so it wouldn't disturb Callie. Normally she was reachable every moment of every day, but for once she had wanted an hour with no outside interruptions, no reminders of the real world.
And she knew that if anyone had really needed her, they would call Callie. Who would call Teddy. Even so, the illusion of a break had been nice.
Powering on the phone, Arizona saw that she had a new voicemail. Hopefully she wasn't being called in to the hospital. She desperately wanted to finish out her Saturday relaxing on the couch with Callie. Maybe even cuddling a little.
Arizona's heart leapt into her throat when the message began playing and she heard Detective Mendoza's voice. "This message is for Arizona Robbins. This is Detective Janis Mendoza with the Seattle PD calling to let you know that we got back the results of the DNA test on the semen sample provided to us by the hospital. Unfortunately, we were unable to find a match against the state or national database. That means we're essentially still at square one with our investigation. I know this can't be the news you wanted to hear and I'm sorry for that. Please know that your case remains a priority and if anything else comes up, I'll let you know immediately. In the meantime, feel free to give me a call if you have any questions. Or if you remember anything else that might help. Have a good weekend. Bye."
Numb, Arizona hung up the phone. In the space of a minute, her mood had gone from balls-out joy to cold emptiness. Not sure how she felt about the news, all she knew for certain was that it wasn't good. Arizona startled when Callie walked to stand in front of her, then jerked away when a tentative hand touched her arm.
Callie drew away quickly. "What's wrong?"
It took effort to make her mouth work. "That was Detective Mendoza. The DNA results came back, but they weren't able to make a match." Arizona shrugged. "So I guess we just wait for him to rape another woman. Maybe she'll be able to give a better description."
Callie's jaw tensed. "It's not your fault, Arizona. He attacked you from behind."
There was nothing Callie could say to make her feel better. Right now she just wanted to be alone. To decide what she was feeling. Shaking her head, Arizona said, "I'm going to take that shower now."
"Hey," Callie murmured. "Are you okay?"
The past week had proven that letting Callie in helped, but right now Arizona had nothing to say. "I don't know how I'm feeling yet. I just want to go get clean and be alone for a few minutes."
"Okay." Callie stepped back but didn't break eye contact. "I'll be out here if you want to talk."
"Maybe we can watch a movie or something after I'm done."
Callie gave her a careful smile. "That would be nice."
The old Arizona would have probably invited Callie to join her in the shower. New Arizona felt far too vulnerable to be naked with Callie right now. All she wanted to do was retreat into solitude and lick her wounds. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
"Take your time."
Arizona walked into the bathroom stone-faced. She shut the door then turned on the shower, mind almost blank as she tried to take everything in. Nothing had changed, really. Before five minutes ago, she didn't know the man who had changed her forever. She still didn't. So why did it feel like the world was crumbling around her?
Stripping off her clothes, Arizona stepped into the shower, exhaling when the hot spray pounded against her loose muscles. She wished she could recapture the balance and contentedness she had felt only minutes ago, but it was gone. As the numbness faded, a riot of conflicting emotions battled for dominance.
On the one hand she was frightened. Her rapist was still out there, maybe even trolling for his next victim. The chances of him hurting her again were slim, but knowing that he was on the streets made Arizona feel fundamentally unsafe. Anxious. She realized that there was a part of her that had really counted on the idea that the DNA test might lead to his capture, something that almost certainly would have eased her mind.
Then there was frustration. Because she hadn't been able to provide a detailed description to the cops, DNA had been their only real hope of making an arrest. No match meant that he wasn't in the system, but it certainly didn't mean he wouldn't rape again. Arizona remembered his anger, the sick pleasure in his voice as he touched her, and had no doubt that he had gotten off on her fear and pain. A man like that doesn't just change. Especially if he thinks he's gotten away with his crime.
Another woman could be hurt. Just like her. If Arizona had gotten a better look at him, if she had only focused on making out his features for those brief moments he had her on her back, maybe she could've given the police something real to go on. Now he would almost certainly need to attack another woman for them to have any chance of catching him. The thought made Arizona want to vomit.
So there was intense, crippling guilt.
Beneath all that, Arizona felt something else-a niggling of relief. Perhaps this meant she wouldn't have to endure a trial. A trial would mean testifying, retelling her story to a room full of strangers. If the police did catch the man she knew she would have to do it. Not just for herself, but for all the women he could hurt if he wasn't locked up. But if the police didn't catch him, that was just one more violation she wouldn't have to suffer. One more challenge she wouldn't have to face.
Arizona lifted a shaking hand and wiped it across her face, hot tears mingling with hotter water. She concentrated on crying quietly, not wanting Callie to overhear. She knew her body simply needed a way to release all the feelings roiling around inside, and for once she didn't beat herself up for her lapse. Deciding that she would give herself a good minute to cry, Arizona pressed her palms flat against the shower wall and bent her head, dissolving into silent sobs.
It was entirely possible that her rapist would walk away from this experience unscathed. Just go on with his life, no worse for wear. Meanwhile Arizona had been shattered, and every day was a struggle to keep moving forward. To regain what she had lost, to find herself again.
That fucking bastard.
There was nothing fair about this. He was the one who had committed a crime, and Arizona was paying the price. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Sexually. Arizona couldn't escape the repercussions of that man's actions, while he very well would never suffer any consequences at all.
Arizona straightened, forcing her tears back. Rubbing her face vigorously with both hands, she grabbed a bottle of body wash and squirted a generous glob onto her fingertips. She worked up a foamy lather then ran her hands over her body-arms, chest, stomach. Arizona hesitated a moment, struggling with the simple task of cleaning between her legs. Since the rape she hadn't really touched herself there, afraid of the pain she might feel if she did. It wasn't fear of physical discomfort as much as a sense that psychologically, exploring the place where the most violent, invasive injuries had occurred was just too much for her to handle.
It was like her pussy no longer belonged to her. Something that had brought her so much pleasure in the past now seemed inextricably linked to the worst, most humiliating moment of her life. He had left his mark on her, even after the bruises faded and the cuts healed. Nobody could see it but that didn't mean it wasn't there. And it closed her body off to everyone, including herself.
An unexpected jolt of anger surged through Arizona. It wasn't fair. More than that, it wasn't right. If that man could potentially walk away from this unscathed, why couldn't she?
Arizona took a deep breath and slid her hand down her abdomen, coming to a stop when the tips of her fingers brushed against the top of her trimmed curls. She had a choice here. Reclaim her body or give it over to him. To the fear and shame.
Old Arizona had loved her life. Her career, Callie, her sunny outlook and passion for new experiences. She had dreamed of traveling. Silly things like kittens could brighten her entire day. She went dancing with friends. But what she loved most was staying in with Callie, spending hours enjoying each other's bodies. Since the rape, none of those things were true anymore. But she wanted them to be. She wanted the old Arizona back.
If that man got to walk away from this, so would she. She could never change what happened, it would always be a part of her, but she could damn well demand her life back. The fire Teddy helped light flared into determined intensity.
Arizona wouldn't let him win. She couldn't.
Sliding her hand between her legs, Arizona touched herself tenderly. Almost surprised that the soft folds felt so familiar, she gradually relaxed when the contact elicited no pain. She set her feet apart on the shower floor and traced her fingertips over her labia. The stitches had likely started to dissolve by now, and it no longer hurt to walk or urinate. She certainly wasn't ready for any kind of penetration, but the gentle touch of her own fingers was wholly tolerable.
Funny how something so simple felt so much like victory. Arizona washed herself slowly, taking the time to reacquaint her mind with her body. Since the rape there had been an almost total disconnect. Before, she had loved her body. Had touched it often for pleasure. Had encouraged Callie to touch it whenever and however she wanted. That feeling of truly owning her body and her sexuality had always made Arizona confident and in control of her pleasure. This was the first step in finding her way back to a place where that man didn't have a grip on her.
After a couple minutes of calm exploration, Arizona grabbed a bottle of shampoo and washed her hair. She was ready to get out and go back to Callie, strangely energized by the conclusion of her processing. That man didn't get to break her. He just didn't.
When she stepped out of the shower, Arizona toweled off, resisting the urge to turn away from the full-length mirror that hung on the back of the bathroom door. She had been willfully avoiding the sight of her nakedness since the night of the attack. No longer. Dropping the towel, Arizona took in the sight of her nude body. Determined to stay in control of her reactions, she concentrated on taking slow, even breaths as she stared at her reflection.
It was hard to look at her bare breasts without remembering the grasping, squeezing pain of his hands all over them. Or the bruises his fingers had left, which had only just faded away. But these were the same breasts she had always considered her greatest physical assets, the breasts Callie hadn't been able to leave alone the first time they made love. She could associate them with so much pleasure, and only one instance of pain. Straightening her back, Arizona ran her hand along the curve of one, then the other. This was her body.
Arizona dropped her gaze to the smooth plane of her stomach, the trimmed patch of hair between her thighs. She was going to fight through this. She accepted it wouldn't come instantly or easily, but it would definitely happen.
Any other outcome meant letting him win.
During her run, Arizona had thought more about how to start small. Now she had an idea, and she was certain that there was no better time. Grabbing a brush and a couple hair ties, Arizona wrapped herself in a towel and went in search of something to wear, nervous but excited about the prospect of really starting to heal.
#
Callie sat on the couch staring sightlessly at her book, trying not to be obvious about the fact that her attention was glued to the bathroom door. She had given up reading twenty minutes ago, almost immediately after picking up her book. She knew Arizona was probably upset, that she was hurting all alone in the shower, and even though Callie was determined to give her space, that didn't mean she wasn't going to worry about her every second they were apart.
When she heard the sound of the bathroom door opening, Callie glanced up and saw Arizona tiptoe out wrapped only in a towel. Not wanting to get caught looking, Callie dropped her gaze quickly. She didn't move again until she heard Arizona slip into the bedroom and close the door behind her. Callie exhaled, shifting all her focus to the bedroom door. All she could do was wait-and hope that Arizona really intended to rejoin her on the couch for a movie.
Though she had spent most of the past twenty minutes worrying about Arizona, Callie had also taken some time to feel her own emotion about Detective Mendoza's voice mail. It was very simple. She was angry. Pissed off. Enraged. Not only did no DNA match mean that Arizona's rapist was free to enjoy his life and quite possibly rape more women, but it also put Arizona in a position where she blamed herself for not being able to better describe the man who had hurt her.
Callie couldn't imagine how difficult it would have been to get a clear look at a man who repeatedly punched you in the head, in the dark, before pushing your face in the grass and violating you from behind. That Arizona had even noticed details like his race and the fact that he had a full head of hair was remarkable. Callie didn't know what she would have been able to glean if she had been afraid for her life like that.
Thinking about just what Arizona had lived through only fueled Callie's rage. If that man got to walk away scot free after doing what he had done, then Callie's faith was shaken-her faith in justice, in what was fair and right, even her faith in God.
The bedroom door opened and Arizona stepped out into the hallway, showing more skin than Callie had seen in weeks. Callie inhaled sharply, surprised by Arizona's choice of outfit. Since the attack Arizona had been lounging in T-shirts and pajama bottoms, body covered at all times. Now she wore a tank top and girly pink boxer shorts that revealed the toned length of her bare legs. Struggling to act normal, Callie plastered on as calm a smile as she could muster.
"Hey." Callie's voice came out high-pitched, anything but calm.
"Hey." Smiling shyly, Arizona walked to the couch and plopped down beside Callie with a quiet sigh. "Not sweaty anymore."
"Oh." Callie wasn't sure how to respond. Everything that came to mind seemed either too flirty or just plain dumb. "Good."
"I'm okay, Calliope. Really." Arizona smiled, closing the distance between them to give Callie a soft kiss on the lips. "The shower helped."
Worried that she was simply reverting back to playing the 'I'm fine' game, Callie pulled back and searched Arizona's face. "You sure?"
Arizona nodded. There was a fire in her eyes that Callie hadn't seen in what felt like forever. "I'm positive. I've decided not to let that bastard win."
"It's okay to be upset about that voicemail," Callie said tentatively. Though Arizona seemed to be handling Detective Mendoza's news better than Callie had expected, she wanted to be cautious with her words. To give Arizona permission to vent, to work through the same anger and frustration Callie was feeling. "It's upsetting."
"It is. You're right." A shadow passed over Arizona's face for an instant before Callie watched her willfully shake it off. "I don't like the idea that he could get away with this. What I like even less is thinking that he might do it to someone else. But those are things I can't control. What I can do is make sure I get to walk away from this too. Intact."
Callie blinked, encouraged by the strength and honesty in Arizona's voice. Lifted by her obvious determination. At once her own anger dissipated, replaced by a very real sense of pride in Arizona. "You're amazing," Callie said softly. "You know that?"
Arizona smiled, cheeks going rosy. "Shut up."
"No, you are." Between her fierce new attitude and relative lack of clothing, it took all of Callie's willpower not to give Arizona a kiss that would go well beyond the tentative pecks they had shared over the past two weeks. "I hope it doesn't sound condescending to say that I'm proud of you."
"Not at all." Arizona grinned. "I'm kind of proud of me, too."
"Good." Callie sat back, returning Arizona's smile. "Want to pick out a movie?"
"Actually, I thought maybe we could do something else."
Curious about what Arizona had in mind, Callie raised an eyebrow. "Okay. Whatever you want."
Arizona held up a hairbrush and two hair ties. "Would you braid my hair?"
Callie swallowed, shocked that her throat could get so dry, so quickly. Her thoughts jumbled together, making it hard for her to know how to react. Arizona looked so pretty in braids, and the idea of seeing her wear them again set Callie's heart racing in anticipation. But braiding her hair meant touching her hair, even tugging on it. That was number one on Arizona's trigger list, as far as Callie was concerned. For the past week she had been careful to the point of paranoid not to touch Arizona's hair. Certainly not to pull it.
Callie realized that Arizona was rubbing her arm, blue eyes full of compassion. "Don't panic, Calliope. I know what I'm asking you to do. Teddy said I should start small. Eventually we'll want to make love again. Braiding my hair is starting small."
If Callie thought it was difficult to breathe before, now it felt near impossible. She couldn't believe Arizona had just mentioned sex. It was so soon. Too soon.
"Relax, darling." Arizona squeezed Callie's arm gently. "And trust me. I can't promise I won't get frightened, but I can promise to communicate. If it's too much, I will tell you. We'll work through it together."
Nodding, Callie tried to remember what Addison had said about what she should do to help Arizona stay in the moment. Talk to her. Communicate. Callie reigned in her anxiety, exhaling slowly. It was up to her to help Arizona through this, not the other way around. She couldn't let her fear of scaring Arizona stop her from doing whatever Arizona asked. Not when she was clearly determined to face one of her triggers head on.
"I can do that." Callie mustered what she hoped was a soothing smile. "I'd be happy to do that."
"Good." Arizona handed Callie the brush and hair ties, then gave her a smile of nervous anticipation. "Just talk to me, okay? Keep me here with you."
"I will." Callie tried to sound more confident than she felt. "You're adorable in braids. I'm excited to see them again."
"Me too." Taking a deep breath, Arizona turned and presented Callie with her back. She glanced over her shoulder, met Callie's eyes, then faced away again. "My mom used to braid my hair all the time when I was a little girl. I loved it."
Callie couldn't help but smile at the thought of tiny, braided Arizona. "I'm not sure I can fathom that level of cuteness. Got any pictures?"
"I might." Arizona's smile came through in her voice. "Ask nicely and I just may share."
Glancing at the hairbrush for a moment, Callie lifted her hand then hesitated. "I'm going to brush your hair out, okay?"
Arizona nodded. "Thanks for the warning."
As Callie touched the brush to Arizona's hair, words began to bubble up from her throat. She knew she had to keep talking, so she winged it. "My mom used to braid my hair, too. But I hated it. Not because I didn't like braids. I just hated sitting still for so long. It used to feel like she took forever."
Giggling, Arizona said, "I can only imagine fidgety little Calliope. You probably gave your mom hell, didn't you?"
"I did. But no matter what I pulled with my parents, I was always their little princess." Callie ran the brush through Arizona's hair gently, wincing when she got caught on a small tangle. "Sorry."
Arizona exhaled. "It's okay." Callie watched her hands tighten into fists then relax. "I loved having my hair braided because it was the only real 'girl time' I had with my mother. Not that I was a very girly girl, because I wasn't. I spent most of my time running around outside with Danny, climbing trees and collecting bugs."
Callie wrinkled her nose. "Bugs? Gross."
"Whatever. Bugs are cool." Arizona paused a moment, then amended, "Except spiders. Spiders aren't very cool."
"Agreed." Callie pulled the hairbrush away, biting her lip as she thought through what came next. "So I'm going to start a braid now." Slowly, she touched Arizona's left arm. "On this side. Okay?"
"Okay." Arizona half-turned her head, almost as though she was going to look over her shoulder again. Then she faced forward with a shaky exhalation. "I'm doing all right."
"You're kind of facing two things at once here," Callie said quietly. "Hair, and having someone behind you."
"I know you won't hurt me."
"You're right." Callie placed her hand on Arizona's left shoulder, feeling her tense slightly, then moved it up so she could gather a thick section of blond hair. "When I was a little girl, I used to think about the person I was going to marry. I always assumed he would be a man, of course. But when I thought about this person, it was never about gender. It was about all the things I wanted this person to be."
"Like what?" Arizona's voice was slightly breathless, but because she wasn't asking Callie to stop, Callie kept working.
"Like strong. Brave. And funny. I definitely needed someone funny." Callie smiled as Arizona's shoulders relaxed and she leaned back slightly as though wanting to get closer. Twisting Arizona's hair into a loose braid, Callie took a moment to remember the ideal husband she had used to fantasize about finding. "This person would make me feel beautiful just by looking at me. I would feel warm and safe and loved all the time, just knowing that they were in my life."
"He sounds nice." Arizona's humor came through in her light tone, easing Callie's mind. Whatever she had been working through moments ago seemed to have passed. "And if I ever meet him, I'll kick his ass if he even looks at you sideways."
Callie nearly tugged on Arizona's hair in playful response, something she used to do all the time. Stopping herself just short of a major faux pas, Callie snickered instead. "He's you. You're everything I always wanted. Plus a whole bunch of stuff I never even knew I needed."
"Stuff like perky?"
"Exactly like perky." Callie chuckled and moved on to the other side of Arizona's head without warning her first. She was pleased when Arizona didn't react at all to the sudden change in position. "I couldn't have even imagined someone like you when I was dreaming about this perfect soulmate. And yet I found her anyway."
Arizona ducked her head slightly, but Callie sensed it wasn't because she was uncomfortable. Knowing Arizona well, she imagined that her partner was fighting with a pleased grin. "I just wanted to find a girl with big boobs."
Callie sputtered shocked laughter. "What? Seriously?"
"I really liked boobs."
"Nice," Callie said. Shaking her head, she giggled at Arizona's unexpected confession. "Well, how do I stack up?"
"They're incredible." Arizona reached a hand back, curling her fingers around Callie's foot and giving her a tender squeeze. "But you're more than just boobs to me, Calliope."
Callie dissolved into helpless laughter. All the emotion of the past couple weeks sort of boiled over into hysterical amusement at the turn their conversation had taken. That was quite honestly the last thing she had expected to hear from Arizona today. "I hope so."
"Your ass is just as spectacular." Arizona hesitated a moment, as though waiting for Callie's fresh peal of laughter to die down. "So are your big brown eyes. And your smile. Your heart. The way you love me. The way you make me feel-about myself, about my future. About life in general."
Sober now, Callie finished Arizona's second braid and tied it off. Then she put her hand on Arizona's shoulder. "All done," she whispered.
"Yeah?" Arizona turned to face Callie, giving her a bright smile that reminded Callie so much of the first time she met Arizona that it made her chest ache. "How do they look?"
"Gorgeous." Callie bit her lip, touching Arizona's cheek with the palm of her hand. "I love you so much, Arizona. You did great."
"So did you." Arizona looked truly radiant in a way she just plain hadn't since the rape. "And I love you, too."
Afraid to break the spell, Callie stroked her thumb over Arizona's lower lip. "I mean it, you know. You are the best thing to have ever happened to me. Like, ever. Better than surgery."
"Stop," Arizona whispered softly. But she kissed the tip of Callie's thumb, eyes sparkling.
"No, it's true. If I had to choose between you and surgery, I would choose you. Every time."
Arizona put a hand over her heart, drawing Callie's attention to the slight hint of cleavage revealed by her tank top. "You know what? Me too."
With effort, Callie dragged her gaze back to Arizona's face. And met her knowing smile with an apologetic grin. "Guess this is for real, then. Us."
"Guess it is." Arizona scooted closer, taking Callie's free hand and lacing their fingers together. "You know what I miss?"
"What?" Callie licked her lips, almost afraid of the answer. The heat in Arizona's gaze hinted at feelings Callie wasn't certain either of them were ready to deal with yet.
"Making out."
Swallowing, Callie darted her gaze from Arizona's twinkling eyes to her full mouth then back again. "Me too. But-"
Arizona brought her fingers to Callie's lips, stopping her protest. "Please?"
"Are you sure?" Callie searched Arizona's face for any hint of discomfort. She was afraid that Arizona was pushing herself too far, too fast. Hair braiding had gone well, but it hadn't been without minor speed bumps. Deep kissing took intimacy to a whole new level. "That might be…a lot."
"For you?"
Callie wanted to say honestly, yes, but didn't. The last thing she wanted was for Arizona to think she didn't desire her. Because she did. Desperately. She just didn't want to do anything to frighten Arizona or erase any of the progress they had made today. "For both of us."
Arizona brought her other hand up and cradled Callie's face, staring into her eyes. "I promise to communicate with you. I won't do anything I'm not ready to do. But if I don't start kissing you right now, Calliope, I think I might explode."
The thing was, Callie knew just what she meant. After the intense experience of beginning to regain Arizona's trust, with this bone-deep love coursing through her body, it was taking everything Callie had not to press Arizona back against the couch and kiss the hell out of her. If Arizona didn't want to resist the growing desire between them, why force her?
"Okay," Callie said. "But you tell me if you need to stop. And let's take it nice and slow. And-"
Arizona leaned forward and captured Callie's mouth in a searing kiss. Gasping in surprise, Callie parted her lips then groaned when Arizona eased her tongue inside. The groan turned into a whimper at Arizona's familiar taste, at the warm press of Arizona's body against her own. Callie flexed her hands at her sides, then quickly sat on them, not trusting her fingers not to go roaming over Arizona's curves.
Breaking their kiss briefly, Arizona mumbled, "This is good", and then she swept Callie away in another series of dizzying kisses.
It was good. In fact, it was better than good. It was mind-blowing. Aware that things seemed to be escalating quickly but too far gone to try and slow Arizona down, Callie fell back against the couch cushions when Arizona pushed on her chest with both hands. Before she knew it Arizona was on top of her, kissing her breathless.
Then Arizona's hand snuck under the hem of Callie's T-shirt, sliding over her stomach to cover her breast. Callie moaned into Arizona's mouth, unable to believe how good it felt to be touched. Arizona barely hesitated before slipping her fingers inside the cup of Callie's bra, stroking the bare skin of her breast until the tip hardened painfully. Seizing Callie's nipple between her fingertips, Arizona moaned quietly and twisted the turgid flesh in a way that sent a bolt of pleasure straight to Callie's clit.
Raising her hips in an unconscious search for friction, Callie brought her hands to Arizona's face and took control of the kiss without thinking. Then she moved one hand down to rest high on Arizona's chest, so that the heel just barely touched the gentle swell of one breast.
Arizona inhaled swiftly and broke their kiss. Sensing the shift in mood immediately, Callie pulled her hands away and raised them over her head so she wasn't touching Arizona at all. Clearly embarrassed, Arizona removed her hand from Callie's bra, easing out from under her T-shirt with a murmured apology.
"No, I'm sorry." Callie cursed herself for losing track of what she was doing. "Too much, too soon."
Arizona shook her head, pressing her forehead against Callie's. "I'm the one who got carried away." Her voice was thick with shame. "I wanted more than I was ready for. I didn't mean to lead you on."
"Hey." Callie tilted her head, waiting until Arizona drew back so she could look her in the eyes. "You didn't lead me on. And don't ever apologize for needing to stop. I enjoyed every second of that."
Red-faced, Arizona gave her a sheepish grin. "Me too. Except maybe the last second or two."
"What happened?" Callie sat up as Arizona eased backward, giving them both a little breathing room. "Did I scare you?"
Arizona shook her head. "No. Not you. I just realized how fast we were moving and I knew…" She sighed deeply, looking upset. "I knew I wasn't ready for more."
"It's okay, sweetheart. I don't expect you to be ready right now." Callie gave her a careful smile. "Honestly, I was shocked you wanted what you did."
One corner of Arizona's mouth lifted in a silly half-smile. "Don't ever be shocked that I want you. I always want you."
"Yeah?" Amazing how hearing such simple, sweet words from Arizona made her feel so good.
"Oh, yeah." Suddenly having trouble meeting Callie's eyes, Arizona traced a nonsense pattern over her bare knee with her fingernail. "Do you…still want me?"
Knowing the answer without thinking but wanting to choose her words carefully, Callie hesitated then said, "Oh God, baby. Yes. Always. Forever."
Arizona blinked rapidly, wiped shining eyes with a trembling hand, then met Callie's gaze with a watery grin. "Okay. Do you want to watch that movie now?"
"Absolutely."
"And I get to pick?"
Something about Arizona's tone made Callie wonder if she had made a mistake in offering. "Um…sure?"
"Annie."
Callie rolled her eyes. "How many times have you seen that movie, darling?"
"At least once less than I need to." Arizona bounced up and down a little and Callie grinned, thrilled to see her rebound so quickly from a moment that could have easily derailed her mood. Last week it probably would have. A sure sign of progress. "Come on…cute kids, great songs, Carol Burnett, and a brown, shaggy dog. That's pretty much all the ingredients you need for the greatest movie musical of all time."
Callie couldn't even pretend not to be enchanted by Arizona's excitement. "Like I said, it's your pick. Just don't try and make me sing along this time, okay?"
Arizona scoffed. "Whatever. Let's see you try and resist."
"Game on."
"Hey." Arizona's face softened as she leaned in to wrap her arms around Callie tightly. Callie brought her hands up and placed them on Arizona's back, careful to keep her touch light and non-threatening. "Thank you for today," Arizona murmured in her ear. "I know this stuff requires courage on your part, too."
Shrugging, Callie dropped a light kiss on Arizona's cheek. "Whatever it takes." She drew away but didn't break eye contact, wanting Arizona to see just how much she meant what she said. "Anything for you."
It was a promise Callie intended to keep.
To be continued…